Taking the Christ Out of Christmas

Hi Swistle,

I feel like you would have a good response for this (future blog post??), and would absolutely value your thoughts here.

I think similarly to you, I had a Christian background, and (maybe not similar to you here!) in turn I kind of had a Christmas Smugness. “We only celebrate the True Meaning of Christmas in this household! Sure, we will exchange gifts and prepare Christmas brunch and enjoy the speckles of Christmas lights on neighbourhood houses…but it is because of Right Jesus Reasons, not because of Commercialism and, um, Other Secular Reasons.”

And now (for the last few years, actually), the Christian faith doesn’t resonate with me or my husband anymore. While that generally feels GOOD (it is freeing to be able to disengage with faith that doesn’t feel right anymore!), I maybe need a re-frame around Christmas?

Instead of True Meaning, I am left with “I guess we do this because it is fun?” I don’t know, it just feels shallow, compared to the concept of TRUE MEANING! Did you go through a similar transition or thought process? Find beauty in Delight for the Sake of Delight?

Thanks for any thoughts and guidance you can provide, if you have the capacity to do so. :)

With gratitude,
Maureen

 

This email arrived well over a year ago, and I’ve had it open on my desktop ever since, periodically re-reading it and hoping an answer will start composing itself in my mind.

It’s definitely an issue I struggle with, more some years than others. Sometimes I will get a kind of bottom-dropping-out feeling, a nauseated “Wait: are we doing this just to do this?” Like, are we just spending all this time and money in order to spend the time and money? Why am I putting a tree in my house?? WHY DO WE SPEND A WHOLE MONTH ON THIS EVERY YEAR???

Like your family, my family growing up used to do all the “secular” Christmas things, but because they were twisted together with religious observation (special church rituals and sermons, special at-home Advent rituals, setting up a nativity scene, sending cards with religious sentiments, etc.), it felt as if it were all part of the same REAL Christmas celebration. Particularly because we were in that subcategory of Christian families that rejects the whole Santa story and only tells the Baby Jesus story; and we celebrated “the secular part” of Christmas on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day.

I am still working on what to do now that I’ve untwined those two parts of Christmas. I don’t mind telling you that I miss the special church things: the pastor each week gradually setting the scene and telling the story; the discussion of the Advent season; the lighting of the Advent candles. I miss the candlelight Christmas Eve service. I miss the feeling that it’s ABOUT something. I miss the nativity scene. Some of your kind souls are rising up to tell me I can still participate in those things if I want to. And I know I could. But it wouldn’t work for me. It would be like getting a divorce and then, for comfort, sometimes pretending to be married to some random man: going to a stage set designed to look like a home we might share; having fake conversations with him about bills and our imaginary kids; sitting together at a table eating a pretend meal.

What I have tried to do, and it’s a work in progress, is build a new Christmas structure that supports itself without having to lean on the Baby Jesus. I guess it’s kind of like saying YES, we DO do this just to do this. I haven’t done any good research on this myself, but my general understanding is that the original holiday was a festival for the winter solstice, and some celebrations involved some deities and some didn’t, but the real reason seems to have been to have a big happy lit party in the darkest part of the year. That’s a cause I can get behind. Christians came along much much later and made the holiday about the birth of their own deity, but we can just Let Them, without doing that ourselves.

This whole thing reminds me of how I had to reconfigure Valentine’s Day. I was disappointed every year for decades, and at some point I thought, “Wait, why do I keep letting Some Unenthusiastic Guy determine how my Valentine’s Day goes?” I shifted my entire way of celebrating: I leaned away from the romantic vibes and into the love-of-all-kinds vibes; I made it more about giving things to the kids and to my friends and coworkers; I buy myself a pretty heart-shaped box of chocolates if I want one; I drink my coffee out of a heart mug all during February; I decorate my little pre-lit birch tree with heart ornaments; I think of it as a time to get some pink/red/hearts into all that dreary white/grey/slush, and as a happy little holiday helping us to make it through that last part of winter before the bulb flowers start coming up.

I’m working on doing something similar with Christmas. I’m trying to focus on the fun I have sending/receiving cards; the fun I have shopping for other people; the many opportunities for generosity; the opportunity to spend time together; the beautiful lights on the beautiful tree; the seasonal Trader Joe’s stuff; the Christmas puzzle; drinking coffee out of a Christmas mug every morning; listening to Christmas music; getting an amaryllis bulb (thank you to my mom’s friend Donna for starting us on that!) and a fun advent/countdown calendar and pine-scented hand soap; dressing my Pokemon Go avatar in a Santa hat and giving her a reindeer buddy; etc. Not just the STUFF of Christmas, even though this absolutely looks like I just made a list of stuff, but more about the feelings connected to the stuff and the meanings behind the stuff: the rituals, the generosity, the familiar symbols, the familiar recipes, the reaching-out-to-others, the remembering-others, the happy glow in dark cold times. The feeling that everything is extra-special this month.

And we’ve gradually been changing some of the rituals we grew up with. We’re having Christmas on Christmas Day morning now, which has been a refreshing reboot. We go on a Christmas-lights-viewing drive every year on Christmas Eve. We’re adding new rituals, such as buying gifts for a couple of kids through a local charity program, and going each year to a tree raffle that raises money for charity, and also sending checks directly to charities. (I know they get a lot of money at Christmas and could use help throughout the year; my feeling is that they can chuck that extra Christmas money into savings and withdraw it in August if that’s when they need it. It feels good and glowy to give money at Christmas and I’m keeping that.) We donate groceries to food pantries, and I like to include packages of holiday cookies and holiday teas. We’ve added lots and lots of Christmas movies and TV episodes to our rotation, and we watch them for most of December. I’m working up to it gradually, but I’ve been THINKING about maybe going to a Christmas concert or performance each year. (I get so overwhelmed with ticket-choosing/buying, driving, parking, the iffy weather conditions making everything more complicated.)

And so on. Each year I’m trying to weave in more things that make Christmas feel meaningful and special. It doesn’t have to be Baby-Jesus Special: it can be special in itself. It WAS special in itself, BEFORE the Baby Jesus; it can be special in itself, after.

Christmassing; Non-Target Gift Cards; Razors That Use a Plain Old Razor Blade; Cat Cabin

I am getting Christmassing done LEFT AND RIGHT. I have the cards out on the dining room table, and I am chipping away at them. (I LIKE doing cards, but only if I do them in batches.) Yesterday I did my big Trader Joe’s trip, where I buy a bunch of their holiday items for stockings and also to have on hand to add to other gifts: I like to add one of their one-pound chocolate bars to the gift card for the mail carrier; last year I added one of their cute small tins of those long tubey cookies to a Secret Santa gift that seemed sparse; when a kid had a friend stay with us for a couple of days during Christmas break, I had a little giftie to send home with them; when a co-worker unexpectedly gave me a little gift, I had a selection of little gifts on hand for giving them one back; when I had an impulsive coffee date with a friend, I had some treats to put out on the coffee table.

What I’m trying to tell you is that I vastly overdo it: those exciting successes of earlier years mean I am UNLEASHED in the moment. I buy EVERYTHING. Then I end up with quite a bit of extra. But also: there are seven of us here over Christmas break, so we can eat anything I don’t end up giving away. Also this year they had GIANT gold-wrapped chocolate coins, $2.49 each. GIANT GOLD-WRAPPED COINS.

This year I had an especially fun quest, because Paul’s sister mentioned the following things: (1) that she LOVES Trader Joe’s and the nearest one to where she lives now is four hours away; (2) that she’s always questing for interesting flavors of crackers and chips; (3) that because she is a vegetarian and also someone who has trouble keeping weight on (I know we might usually hate this, but it hugely helps that she is so medical about it—like it is a reason for concern, not a reason to tee-hee and preen), she eats a lot of nuts and seeds for the calories/nutrition. Well. I don’t know if you have a Trader Joe’s near you (THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST), but they have a whole aisle of interesting nuts and seeds. I bought her every weird flavor I could find. Peppermint yogurt almonds! Chili garlic cashews! Caramel coffee almonds! Pumpkin-spiced pumpkin seeds! Plus pumpkin-cranberry crackers and a couple other kinds of crackers that came in small packages. These are not all going to fit in the large flat-rate box.

Plus I got an amaryllis. And a bottle of Cedar Balsam room spray. And peppermint hand soap. It was a festive trip, and I came home a little buzzed.

 

Hey, so, every year I get Target gift cards for various people: it’s pretty much down to the mail carrier and the UPS guy now, but this used to include, for example, the kids’ karate instructor, or a kid’s piano teacher, or my physical therapist. Now that I am mad at Target (that understates it, but this is supposed to be a festive post), I don’t know what gift cards to get. What I liked about the Target card was that someone could get groceries and other necessities, or they could get fun stuff and gifts, depending on their financial situation. (I’m totally willing to give cash, but lots of professions are not allowed to accept cash?? for some reason?? even though they are allowed to accept gift cards??? I don’t get it but I am trying to follow the rules.)

Amaz0n doesn’t seem better but maybe it is. Wa1mart doesn’t seem better but maybe it is. I’ve seen those Visa gift cards, but I don’t understand how they work, and some of them seem to expire and/or have fees. Maybe a card for one of the local coffee/doughnut shops, but that feels harder to spend, and a lot of people who DO go to coffee shops are loyal to a particular place. Maybe the local grocery store, but that doesn’t feel festive; but it’s also low-risk that they can’t/won’t use it. I do know people can pass on gift cards to others (and lots of charities accept them as donations, including our local food/clothing pantry), but it would be nice to increase the chances of pleasing the recipient. If you too are mad at Target, and you have a few gift-card recipients on your list, what are you doing about that?

 

While I have you here, do any of you have experience with the kind of razor where you replace the blade yourself, and not with a designed refill-head but with a plain old cheap razor blade? One of the kids would like to try that out. I suspect he will end up learning why people buy the multi-blade replacement heads, so I don’t want to spend a lot of money, but I think it’s a fun thing to try so I do want to buy him one. Maybe up to $20?

 

I know cats vary considerably, and one cat’s favorite toy is another cat’s no thank you, but I impulsively bought this cardboard cat gingerbread house with my last Chewy order, and it has been a hit with ALL FOUR CATS (I sprinkled cat nip on the floor of it to help with the introduction):

(image from Chewy.com)

They sit in it! They scratch in it! They play in it! They get huffy about whose turn it is! It makes a delightful Christmas decoration and photo op! I bought it on sale for $11 and when it starts to wear out I will be looking for another sale cardboard house to replace it.

First Purchase from John and Hank Green’s Good Store

I am doing online Black Friday shopping today, and soon I will take a break to make a Leftovers Bowl: cut-up turkey followed by gravy followed by corn followed by mashed potatoes, microwaved; side bowl of cranberry sauce; also a dinner roll.

But I have just made a VERY SATISFYING purchase, and I want to tell you about it. A couple of my children have put items from Good Store on their wish list: this is a store started by John and Hank Green, and it is sustainably-sourced and fair-trade and 100%-proceeds-to-charity (ELEVEN MILLION dollars donated so far). Here’s more about how the store began and how cool it is, if you want to read more (and also see how cute they are).

But I don’t mind telling you that I struggled with the prices in spite of myself: I KNOW it costs more to buy good and ethical things, I KNOW it costs more to be a small good store instead of a giant evil conglomerate—and nevertheless I struggle. Edward wants the socks, but I see a single pair of socks for $15, and I KNOW that is a righteous choice and that the price supports not only charities but artists—but I just saw a three-pack of decorated socks marked down to $9 at Old Navy, so. Or, like, Henry wants to try the coffee. It’s ethically-sourced AND supports charity—but it’s $25 for a 12-ounce bag, and I usually buy 10 ounces of CafĂ© Bustelo for $6, on sale for $5, which would be $6.00-7.20 for a comparable 12 ounces. I am not always thrifty, but I am overall financially-careful, and it leads me in directions both valuable and not.

In this case, it led me to a struggle with prices, EVEN THOUGH these were the items on the kids’ wish lists and EVEN THOUGH the money would go to good products and to charity and EVEN THOUGH I wanted to support/encourage all those things! But two bags of coffee for FIFTY DOLLARS?? That’s a huge percentage of the child’s gift budget! A 6-pair sock subscription for SEVENTY-FIVE dollars?? That’s Main Gift money!!

It turns out all I needed was a sale. For Black Friday there is a GIVEGOOD25 code that takes 25% off—AND I used it multiple times, AND I used it for a sock subscription, AND I used it on a bundle (if you buy multiple things in a “bundle,” you get 10% off). I had not expected it to apply to subscriptions or bundles. So I still spent a fair amount of money, but I felt MUCH MUCH BETTER about it. Here is what I bought, if you are interested:

I bought Edward a 6-month sock subscription, plus I bought two MORE individual pairs of socks (cat and mushrooms/crystals) so that I could wrap those with a card mentioning the subscription. The subscription ($75) plus two pairs ($30) should have cost $105, but instead cost $78.75. I’m not saying that’s inexpensive; I’m saying it came back across my Well Worth It threshold.

(image from good.store)

I bought Henry the Coffee Lover’s gift set, which is a bag of coffee plus a travel mug; this was a fun discovery because I already had the coffee ($25) and the mug ($30) in my cart for him, so this saved $5 even before the 25% off. I’d wanted to get him TWO bags of coffee so he could try both flavors, but I also wanted to buy a bag of coffee for someone else, so then I bundled two more bags of coffee, which saved 10% (another $5 before the 25% off). Just Henry’s portion would have been $50 for the two coffees plus $30 for the travel mug, $80 in all—but with the coffee/mug bundle saving $5, and the two-coffee bundle saving another $5 ($2.50 of which applies to Henry’s gift), and then the 25% off, it came to $54.38, assuming I have had enough coffee to handle that math. Again: I am well aware this is Expensive. But the discounts took it into my Willing range.

(image from good.store)

And I bought the vinyl sticker set, which I will cut up so that Edward can have the sock-wearing Dots and Henry can have the coffee-drinking Dots. $6 turned into $4.50, but I would have been happy to spend the $6.

(image from good.store)

 

I feel almost high about this. Sometimes what I really need is to get over the hurdle of making my first purchase, and I REALLY DO want to support this company, ESPECIALLY since my children want to support it with their gift budgets.

There was an opportunity to sign up for a link to give people $10 off if it was their first time making a purchase (it also gives me “dots,” which seem to be store credit for future purchases, which will help me get over the hurdle the next time I want to shop when there ISN’T a Black Friday sale—not that that’s YOUR job to remove that hurdle, I’m just saying it’s a nice byproduct); I don’t know if it can be combined with the 25% off, but if you’re going to make a purchase anyway, try it and see if it works and let us know: https://oken.do/vr4xphy9

Gift Ideas Day Five

I have three authors whose books I will pre-order unconditionally, and one of those authors is Catherine Newman, and she has a new book out:

(image from Amazon.com)

My sister-in-law pre-ordered me a copy, and I pre-ordered myself another copy (on purpose: I wanted two). I encourage you to buy ANY of the things I mention in these posts from stores other than Amaz0n—but this is a situation where I SPECIFICALLY recommend NOT buying it from Amaz0n, because Catherine Newman put out a special indie-bookstore edition where the copies are not only signed but also contain extra material, which makes it an EVEN BETTER gift. Both of my copies are from independent bookstores.

 

I bought these little quartz/crystal/rock(??) hearts on impulse during a Bad Time, and I feel a little emotional about them even though they’re not my usual thing, and maybe you will too. They are nice for scattering into stockings. I will mention that the temptation to put one in my mouth and swallow it is…considerable, so perhaps be careful when doling them out.

(image from Amazon.com)

These are nice to give out to friends/colleagues on Valentine’s Day, too.

 

Similarly, I bought this little set of crystal ornaments last year to put on my little pre-lit birch trees this year, and I am excited to try them out:

(image from Amazon.com)

I do not feel tempted to swallow these like pill capsules, as I do with the little stone hearts.

 

The extent to which I do not need more notebooks cannot be overstated and yet:

(image from Amazon.com)

Maybe you know someone else who loves mid-century modern AND needs a notebook.

 

I should have mentioned these Plus Plus building kits when they were on sale for $7, but that was back in January when everything seemed so dark and chilly and like it would never be Christmas again. You can throw economy to the wind and spend the extra $3, or you can wait until they go on sale again and put them aside for next year. There’s a Christmas tree:

(image from Amazon.com)

and a wreath and candy cane:

(image from Amazon.com)

I have been buying these each year for the kids we “adopt” through a local Christmas gift charity—though this year we’re not giving these, because one of the kids is too young. I will put them aside for next year.

 

I cannot–CANNOT–justify the purchase of $10-each plastic plates. And yet…my parents indulged my craving for these French Bull melamine dinner plates (French Bull link) on my last birthday, and I have used them nearly every day since with great joy:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

After we moved to a 200-year-old house and I was always cold (unless I was way too hot), Paul bought me this electric seat-warmer for my computer chair and for my rocking chair:

(image from Amazon.com)

It worked very well for my computer chair EXCEPT I kept rolling over the wire accidentally, until eventually I broke it. It works better for my rocking chair, where I can’t rock on the wire (because Paul installed a little hook on the nearby wall for the wire). I use the supplemental warmth CONSTANTLY during the cold months, like a lizard on a hot rock.

Gift Ideas Day Four

I bought this Biology Is Bigger Than Binaries t-shirt for someone on my gift list, and I might buy one for a second person on my gift list:

(image from squidfacts.net)

The same place has an eel-facts advent calendar (frog and crab options too), if that sounds like it would be right for you or someone you know.

(image from squidfacts.net)

 

I bought a Disregard the Constabulary t-shirt for two people last year and one person this year:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I bought three cookbooks from Paul’s sister’s wish list. The Potato Book, by Poppy Cooks:

(image from Amazon.com)

PlantYou, by Carleigh Bodrug:

(image from Amazon.com)

and The Complete Vegetarian Cookbook, by America’s Test Kitchen:

(image from Amazon.com)

She added that last one to her wish list after seeing it on my wish list, so I’ll bet we’re buying each other matching gifts this year!

 

Paul came to me with an important announcement: there is a Lego set that looks like our baby tuxedo cat, who is not a baby anymore but a big 2-year-old, and yet we still call him The Baby because he looks roughly like this:

(image from Amazon.com)

I said, “…Do you need that for Christmas,” and Paul said, “…No. …Maybe. …No.” If I DO get it for him, I will definitely get the separate (WHY WOULD IT BE SEPARATE?? THAT’S LIKE MAKING THE EARS SEPARATE) whiskers set, and maybe the lighting set.

 

I’m waiting in hopes that this Pluffle set will go on a good deal, and I can put it in the kids’/niblings’ stockings:

(image from Amazon.com)

We got a large amount (all one color) of this at the library for the sensory play table, and I am trying to think how to describe it. It’s like little teensy cheese-gratered shreds of memory foam or fabric, but then when you squeeze a handful of it, or move some of it, it has a surprisingly wide-spreading collapsing/moving effect that’s a little creepy. And it looks as if it might feel unpleasant to touch, but it doesn’t.

 

This is a great little flashlight! I bought one for Paul, who was sick of digging out his flashlight for a small task to find that the batteries were dead.

(image from Amazon.com)

If you have a charging station, you can leave it plugged in and then it’s always ready for a task or for an emergency.

 

Edward, who is interested in game design, has asked for the book How a Game Lives, by Jacob Geller:

I don’t know anything about it—but if someone in your life is interested in game design, perhaps they would like it too. And it was only published a week ago, so probably they won’t have it yet!

 

I’m looking for bookends for Henry’s dorm room (or else a small bookshelf). Maybe dragons, maybe cats:

(image from Amazon.com)

(image from Amazon.com)

I feel like this is the sort of thing where I might stumble upon the perfect thing in a consignment shop.

 

I recently rediscovered Paul Mitchell—a hair product line I loved in the late 1990s when I was heat-styling the hell out of my hair. I especially liked The Conditioner, a leave-in product. I bought a nice big bottle of it at Marshalls/TJMaxx, but since then I’ve enjoyed sending travel-size bottles to my similarly-aged friends for their birthdays. The wee bottles would also make good stocking stuffers:

(image from Amazon.com)

I don’t heat-style my hair anymore, but this is nice for tidying frizzies, and for feeling as if I’m doing something nice for my hair before I put it up into another ponytail/bun.

 

I have this goose/duck bag in my cart waiting for me to think of the right person to buy it for:

(image from Amazon.com)

Maybe YOU know the right person.

 

I wish I needed another notebook, but unfortunately I have a literal drawerful of them.

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Thayer’s toner is one of my favorite things-I-put-on-my-face-in-the-hope-it-is-doing-something, and I like to buy the cranberry-orange scent as a festive stocking stuffer, to use in the coming year for Tiny Secret Festive Season:

(image from Amazon.com)

It says “trial size” but it’s a nice size bottle (travel-size more than trial-size), and I like the spritz feature for when I am suddenly perimenopausally heated/flushed and need to mist myself like Blanche Devereaux.

 

My dad liked this Star Trek shirt. Maybe your dad would like this Star Trek shirt:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Do you like postcards and are you considering getting a rose tattoo but can’t decide on one so you’re looking for inspiration? THIS ROSE POSTCARD SET MAY BE FOR YOU! (I have it and love it, and have not yet decided on a tattoo):

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I’m getting this Carhartt beltloop keyring for Henry:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I’m also considering getting him a Carhartt duffel, after he came home on a recent college break CARRYING ALL HIS THINGS IN HIS HANDS, DROPPING THEM ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT

(image from Amazon.com)

(He got very into Carhartt after working a summer job on a landscaping crew.)

Gift Ideas Day Three

Someone mentioned these fidget things (I am remembering it was Suzanne but let me know if it was you instead), and I bought two. I collect stocking stuffers throughout the year, so it’s hard to know who has how much of what. When I’m organizing all the stocking stuffer stuff near Christmas, I’ll give the fidgets to whichever two stockings look understuffed. The kids all pretty much pass around all the little toy things anyway.

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I am having a silly problem, and it is this: I like to let my hair air-dry for awhile before I put it up, so I bring a hair elastic (actually one of the kind that look like a loop of phone cord) (oooh, actually that’s another good stocking stuffer idea)…

(image from Amazon.com)

…downstairs with me after showering/dressing, and put my hair up later at my computer. Then I need to go back up to the bathroom to check it in the mirror, using a little extra mirror so I can see the sides and back; but often by then Paul is in the bathroom, and I need to leave for work so I can’t wait around. This is such a long and boring story. Anyway, all I need is another little mirror to keep at my desk, and then I can check my hair in any OTHER house mirror. But this is a silly little problem NEAR CHRISTMAS, so this pretty little peacock mirror is going in my Christmas stocking:

(image from Amazon.com)

Also it is a nice upgrade from my upstairs-bathroom accessory mirror, which is an old empty Cover Girl powder compact.

 

Priorities is an interesting getting-to-know-you game, and I think it works best in a group where people know each other in different ways: where some people are MARRIED OR DATING, some people are SIBLINGS, some people are PARENTS/CHILDREN, some people are IN-LAWS—so I think it would be perfect, or possibly catastrophic, as a holiday get-together game.

(image from Amazon.com)

One person is “It,” and that person secretly ranks five randomly-dealt cards (which say things such as “broccoli,” “France,” “new socks,” “the ultra-wealthy,” “licorice,” “amusement parks,” “glitter”) in order, favorite to least-favorite. Then everyone else argues about what order they think that person secretly chose. You get some interesting discussions going, and you have to decide which players you think might know that person better on the topic of, say, “traveling light”: his GIRLFRIEND or his SISTER??, etc.

 

At the kids’ colleges, people are playing this ridiculous clothespin game. It seems like the whole game is that you try to secretly clip a clothespin to someone? Anyway, I bought these rainbow clothespins:

(image from Amazon.com)

I bought one set to distribute among stockings, and another set for myself: we use clothespins as bag/chip clips, and these are prettier than the plain clothespins we’ve been using.

 

I have a kid who (1) files his nails and (2) likes Keith Haring’s art, so this Keith Haring nail file set is going in his stocking:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I bought this set of multicolored charging blocks for stocking stuffers:

(image from Amazon.com)

It would be distressing that there were only four nice colorful ones, except that Henry is in a phase of ALWAYS choosing black, so that’s all set.

 

Do you have people in your life who are losing their minds over the current attempted takeover of the U.S. government by far-right Christian nationalists and/or fascists? They might enjoy this collection of essays by A.R. Moxon:

(image from Amazon.com)

I have purchased it for half a dozen people so far.

 

Elizabeth and I were searching for something else when we happened upon this giraffe frame, and she immediately fixated on it. “What kind of picture would you put in it??,” she wondered. “WEDDING picture? GRADUATION picture? BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?? Picture of someone feeding a giraffe??”

(image from Amazon.com)

So I bought it for her. She can figure out what kind of picture to put into it.

 

I am in favor of politically-active nail polish, and also I like this color:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Last Christmas, Henry wanted some work boots. I chose these, with some nervousness (it can be difficult for a middle-aged person to know what will be cool to a teenager):

(image from Amazon.com)

And they’ve been great! He’s been wearing them for nearly a year and even as they’ve gotten a rough breaking-in (he is NOT careful with them, and wore them to walk to school in the snow/rain), they’ve continued to look good (in, as you’d imagine, a more broken-in way).

Gift Ideas Day Two

I am rested (LIE: like many perimenopausal women, I wake up at, say, 4:00 a.m., then lie awake until half an hour before my alarm goes off at 6:30/7:00); I have taken my vitamins (true); and I am ready to get back to gift ideas (true).

 

This first item is not gift-related—but I wanted to tell you that Amaz0n has Kraft Mac individual 4-packs for $2.34 right now, well under half-price. In their favor: they can be microwaved, and they’re formulated to be made with just water (i.e., don’t require milk or butter). There was a limit of five per customer, but I was able to order five and Paul was able to order five, so we could give ten 4-packs to our local food pantry for under $25. The expiration date on the ones we received was May 1, 2026, and many food pantries including ours have a policy that donated food can’t expire within 6 months—but I contacted our food pantry, and they gladly accepted these because, as they said, it’s such a popular item, and moves fast. If I’d been thinking, I would have had them shipped directly to the food pantry: they are surprisingly bulky.

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Similarly: the board game Sorry is on sale right now for $6.99. Sorry is one of the few board games I am willing to play, and it works for a mix of ages. If you want to donate a game to a toy-collection box near you, this is a pretty solid choice. And there’s a buy-one-get-one-50%-off deal right now (the link is on the game listing) if you want to donate TWO games.

(image from Amazon.com)

 

I’m sure you have already seen this, but Merriam-Webster has a new baby. From their birth announcement:

For the first time in over twenty years, and only the twelfth time since 1898, Merriam-Webster has published a new edition of its iconic Collegiate Dictionary.

Complete with thumb notches and a deep red cover, weighing almost five pounds, the Twelfth Edition is available now.

Thoroughly updated and redesigned for students, professionals, and word lovers, the Twelfth Edition features over 5,000 new words (including cold brew, farm-to-table, rizz, and dad bod), 1,000 new phrases and idioms, enhanced entries for the top lookups, and more than 20,000 additional usage examples.

Baby picture:

(image from Merriam-Webster.com)

So handsome!

I IMMEDIATELY ordered one for Henry-the-English-major, and I will probably want it on my own wish list as well. I ordered it directly from Merriam-Webster and the shipping to my house was $7; it likely varies, but maybe not much. For some reason this was my Amaz0n line in the sand: I WILL GIVE MERRIAM-WEBSTER EVERY POSSIBLE PENNY, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.

 

We have purchased this Ninja portable-cup smoothie blender twice, once for Rob and once for William:

(image from Amazon.com)

In both cases, we bought it because the child in question complained that the cups included with our beloved Ninja blender-with-two-16-oz-smoothie-cups (which is its OWN gift idea) are too small. Or rather: they make the right size of smoothie, but they don’t have enough wiggle-room for making it. And neither Rob nor William currently uses a blender for anything else. So we bought them the SMOOTHIE-CUPS-ONLY version (though of course you can blend other things than smoothies in a smoothie cup), but with smoothie cups that are 24-ounce instead of 16-ounce. Frankly I was hoping William would add his to the household, because I agree about the smoothie size, but he has put it aside for the day when he has his own place.

 

I have bought this Swiss Victorinox small serrated knife for Rob and also for myself, and I use mine all the time:

Rob had mentioned that he needed a small multipurpose knife like the ones we have at home. I couldn’t find the ones we have at home with direct shipping. I found this one with direct shipping. Then I got jealous, and here we are. I use it for many kitchen tasks, and also for cutting open shipping boxes (the serration is GREAT on that fibrous tape).

 

William had been fussing over humidity and so forth, and using a vaporizer to try to increase it in winter, so I bought him this La Crosse hygrometer/thermometer that resembled the one I’d inherited from my grandfather and used constantly until the cats knocked it off a shelf one too many times and broke it:

(image from Amazon.com)

I found it at a local hardware store, and I bought one for myself as well, to use until I can figure out if there is such a thing as a hygrometer/thermometer repairperson.

 

William goes on a lot of long walks, even in winter, and says only his hands are an issue. Paul snowblows our enormous driveway, and even though the handle of the snowblower is heated, his hands still suffer. RECHARGEABLE SLIP-INTO-GLOVES HANDWARMERS FOR BOTH:

(image from Amazon.com)

Paul has lost his, and has asked for another pair this Christmas.

 

Speaking of reorders, my parents originally bought this meat thermometer for Paul, and it finally broke after many, many years, and he asked for a new one for Christmas, and I bought it gladly because I use it all the time too:

(image from Amazon.com)

You just stick it into the meat, and it thinks for a few seconds, and it shows you the internal temperature of the meat. I use it mostly for salmon; Paul uses it mostly for steak, burgers, and turkey.

 

This was specifically requested as a cheap, short-term item: one of the kids wanted a two-time-zone watch, to keep track of a friend who was going overseas. There were not as many cheap options as I’d hoped, and we chose this one, which was around $23 when we bought it. It worked as well as expected, which is to say it lasted the summer, and we don’t know if it would have lasted longer because after that it wasn’t needed. It’s advertised as a “women’s” watch, but we used it as a unisex item.

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Oh, hi! Do you play Pokemon Go, or does someone you love play Pokemon Go? This is a gamble, because not all phone-rockers work for all phones, but this is the phone-rocker I have, and it works for my phone, and it was recommended to me by many other people who also have phones and play Pokemon Go:

(image from Amazon.com)

I bought this before I had my knee surgery, when I knew I would be unable to go walking as the game required to meet certain goals. Others may use it when they have NOT had knee surgery; I don’t judge. Here are the tips, which sound complicated but are actually easy: the Pokemon Go app should be closed; the phone case should be removed; some people find their phone needs to be upside-down in the holder. Voila: steps.

 

Last year Elizabeth drew William’s name in the Sibling Secret Santa, and she bought him these cat-brushing gloves:

(image from Chewy.com)

They have been a wild success. William loves them. The cat loves them. I don’t love them. I dramatically prefer this little contour cat-brush, which the cat ALSO loves.

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s not the best I’ve ever seen at removing fur (that award goes to a vet-recommended wire brush I bought in the 1990s which can no longer be purchased anywhere as far as I can tell), but it is terrific at gently-but-firmly tidying the regal ruff of our medium-fur cat.

 

Do you know someone who has a Steam account, and likes puzzle-solving games? MAY I RECOMMEND BLUE PRINCE:

(image from store.steampowered.com)

There are very few games I can tolerate being the AUDIENCE for (*unpleasant flashback to my high school boyfriend wanting me to watch him play one of those stupid start-all-over-when-you-die-which-is-every-10-seconds video games such as Pac-Man or Donkey Kong*), but this is one of them. William and I have been watching Paul play this game for a week now. The gist is that you gradually build the floor-plan of a house room-by-room, in order to figure out your inheritance from an elderly relative who loves puzzles/games. There are things to find (coins, gems, notes, clues, letters, news clippings, security codes), and things to interact with, and things to observe, and mini-puzzles to solve. It’s visually compelling (I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE), and fun to gradually figure out what’s going on. Paul and William are more obsessed than I am (there are some rooms where, for example, you figure out how to configure a steam/water pump to make things happen in other rooms, which, YAWN), but I am still enjoying it too.

 

Perhaps you did not realize Old Spice had a holiday deodorant line. WELL LET ME INFORM YOU. I thought these might make good stocking stuffers, so I have tested Jacked Frost and Snickerdudel, and I would say that Snickerdudel is a perfectly acceptable vanilla-type scent (with a little of whatever it is scent-makers think “cookie” smells like), not too strong (I notice it only when I’m putting it on, and not throughout the day—but on the other hand I wear perfume, which tends to mask subtle deodorant scents), and that Jacked Frost smelled unacceptably MAN COLOGNE on me—and not even REMOTELY like mint. It says it is “frosted mint”! I caught NO mint!

(image from Amazon.com)

Gift Ideas; Also Some Library Talk; Also Some College Kid Credit Card Talk; Also Some Christmas Puzzle Talk

Every year I want to do gift-idea posts, and I wait too long and run out of time. Or I keep finding ideas I can’t post, because too many recipients are here. This year I am going to post some gift ideas I used LAST year, which are no longer spoilers. I am going to use Amaz0n links mostly, because it is easy and gets me photos, but I am very keen on the idea of “see it here, buy it elsewhere/local instead.” I am going to list ideas until I get tired, and then start another post with more ideas.

 

I have a family member who is very keen on a bird-identification app, and I tried to use it too because it seems like real-life Pokemon Go, but I couldn’t get it to work on my phone. Anyway, I bought these bird flash cards from the makers of that app, for that friend:

(image from Amazon.com)

 

Paul wanted The Annotated Wizard of Oz:

(image from Amazon.com)

He also has The Annotated Alice in Wonderland, and I have annotated Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, and Persuasion. I have to be in the right frame of mind to read an annotated book—but when I am, it feels like all the pleasant parts of taking a little class in something I’m interested in. I feel studious, and interested, and as if I am Bettering My Mind.

 

Last year Elizabeth asked for something that would let her watch DVDs using her laptop. I asked my dad, who is the family maven, if he would be willing to research this for me, and I should have known he would already know of just the right thing:

(image from Amazon.com)

I don’t use it, so I don’t know exactly how it works, but I guess it connects to your laptop and lets you watch DVDs, since that is what Elizabeth wanted it to do. I was going to get one for freshman-college-student Henry this Christmas, but he mentioned there’s a DVD player on his dorm floor and people already have a habit of gathering there to watch whatever DVDs anyone can round up. So instead I got him a huge pile of DVDs that the library was getting rid of.

 

My mom wanted an ornament that looked like their ridiculous spoiled baby of a tuxedo cat, and I bought this crocheted amigurumi cat (the one on the right) from ZattaCreations on Etsy:

(image from https://www.etsy.com/shop/ZattaCreations)

She has tons of other ornaments, and I recommend ordering early—not only to give them time to ship, but also because last year the price gradually went up as Christmas neared. As I type this, the price is $17, which is the lowest price I saw last year before it started going up. I can imagine being an Etsy seller and trying to figure out how much more valuable my time gets as we get closer to the holiday, and how much the price of the product needs to go up for me to be willing to rush around packaging things up and then fighting my way to the post office, when I have my own holiday prep to do.

 

My dad wanted a t-shirt from his local library, but his local library doesn’t seem to sell them (or at least not online), so I got this Support Your Local Library t-shirt instead:

(image from Amazon.com)

It also comes in a women’s fit. I’ve bought many of these Amaz0n merch-on-demand shirts for myself, and for sizing purposes I can tell you that I like an XXL Tall in Old Navy, and I wear a women’s XXL in Amaz0n merch-on-demand. An XL fits me more flatteringly, but I like a roomier fit for work where I’m moving/bending/reaching a lot.

I don’t know if you know how much stress libraries are under with this administration. Not only is our funding threatened, but there are constant assaults on books that involve “””DEI/LGBTQA+ issues.””” We also have “First Amendment” activists coming in with video cameras, recording us and trying to provoke us into a reaction. And now we have a new “parental rights” law to contend with.

If you don’t have a library card, you can help your library out by getting one: it helps to show that people are using the services. It’s an errand that’ll take you about 5 minutes if you have a driver’s license with your library’s town on it.

 

Two of the kids asked for and received a pomodoro timer:

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s a time-management device. As I understand it, you flip it to how much time you want to spend on something: a video game, a homework assignment, a chore. When it rings, you stop, and flip it to how much time you want to spend on your next thing. There are a bunch of different designs. William’s been using his constantly since last Christmas. (Rob maybe has been, too, but he doesn’t live with us so I can’t testify.)

 

Speaking of William, we have pretty much committed to getting him one pair of these bogglingly expensive L.L. Bean flannel pajama pants each year, because he is very very tall and these are the only ones that have a long-enough inseam (he says other brands’ talls are not as tall, even if they say they are):

(image from LLBean.com)

We have the L.L. Bean credit card, which means we get free shipping and also means we gradually accrue points, which means by the end of the year I can usually get a pair of pajama pants either for free or for a really good discount; also, certain plaids will go on sale, and there is usually a sale near Christmas. STILL.

By the way, if you are sending a child to college and you want them to have access to a credit card for emergencies and for authorized expenses, L.L. Bean is the one we eventually settled on—to my surprise, since we originally got the card ourselves only for the free shipping. The account-holder can add up to five people allowed to use the same account, but each person has their own card with their own name and own number. All the charges come to the account-holder (in this case, me), broken down by who spent what and where. So for example if a college child spends money on concert tickets instead of on textbooks and Tylenol, I am on them like a duck on a june bug. Initially we tried to share a different credit card; and although it let us add a child, that child’s spending was mixed in with ours and I felt as if I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out what was a legitimate charge and what wasn’t.

 

Henry asked for Bea Wolf and it did not disappoint:

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s a graphic novel retelling of Beowulf, for middle-grade kids. Henry was a high school senior at the time, but that did not dim his enjoyment. But also he is an English major, so.

 

Last year, one of my regrets is that I did not have/make time to do my new Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle; this year I am DETERMINED to prioritize it. I mention it in case you want to be puzzle twins with me:

(image from Amazon.com)

If you prefer a more difficult puzzle, I can say that the Eurographics Sweet Christmas puzzle was one level above my ability to do, while still being very good. One of Henry’s friends had to help me. (Henry ran a weekly D&D group, and every week this friend would arrive a little early and work on the puzzle. It was the only way I got it done. All that brown and tan!! all that cream-colored background!!)

Too Early Until It’s Too Late (Christmas Prep)

I have done an important holiday task: I have ordered the prints of the family photo we’ll include with the Christmas cards.

Every year at our annual extended-family get-together I have someone take photos of the seven of us—but this year that task fell to my brother, who took literally eight photos and called it good, and there is no photo among those eight in which fewer than two of us are blinking. I should have handed the camera to one of my sisters-in-law, either of whom I think is more likely to grasp the concept that it takes several hundred family photos to get one good one—or, at least, several dozen to get a decent one.

So instead I have done a collage, which would be less stressful if we did not have SEVEN people (and FOUR cats) to fit into a 4×6-inch format. I try to improve the situation by using as many photos as possible that include more than one person(/cat), but it is still difficult, and this year was more difficult than most. I started with a list of what important things had happened this year: Henry graduating high school and starting college was a big one, and so is William’s new job (he is doing substitute-teaching for the local school district, because he majored in computer science and employers are currently under the misapprehension that AI can do that job without negative consequence); no one else had a Big Event, other than me with my knee-replacement surgery, which does not need a photo (though I had one set aside if there was room, which there was not).

The collage format includes two larger horizontal slots and four smaller vertical slots, so in the two larger slots I did a picture of Paul and me from our anniversary, and a photo I had of the five kids together; then in the smaller slots I did one of Henry at his high school graduation (it was a better photo than his dorm-move-in photo), one of Elizabeth at her summer-camp job, one of William on his first day at his new job, and one of Edward with a cat. Rob is the only kid who didn’t have his own separate photo, but he is also grown and living far away, so that feels understandable. The three not-pictured cats will have to similarly understand.

I am trying trying TRYING to follow the advice of myself-from-earlier-years, which is that I should SEIZE any too-early holiday energy. Any time I think, “Oh, it is too early to get started on that,” I am going to try to remember myself in mid-December frantically wishing I had done it BACK THEN when I had TIME. Last year I got a mild case of Covid in December (too positive to go to work, but not too sick to be sitting up and doing things) and it was THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED: I spent day after day working just on Christmas, and I STILL didn’t get done everything I’d wanted to do! Can I possibly improve myself this year?? It ALWAYS seems Too Early until it seems Too Late! ALWAYS!

So I have ordered the photos even though I am not ready to do the holiday cards, and probably won’t be until after Thanksgiving. And I am remembering my previous resolution to order the gifts in my carts as soon as they go on their first good November sale: I know I will THINK “Oh, but they’ll go on better sales on Black Friday!”—but either they WON’T, or they WILL but it will NOT BE WORTH WAITING, or they WILL but they will be out of stock. Just order them NOW. Black Friday and Cyber Monday are almost always disappointing!

And I am buying stocking stuffers LEFT AND RIGHT, as soon as I see them. Yummy little snacks? BUY THEM. Cute little thingies? BUY THEM. Fun little toys? BUY THEM.

The items for my parents, and for Paul’s sister, which need to be shipped: I am going to work on them SOON, VERY SOON. I sent one item ALREADY to Paul’s sister, and I sent her a self-conscious / apologetic text about it, and she was like No for real we are basically preppers so buy-it-when-you-find-it is our whole philosophy, I breathed a sigh of relief. She and I agreed that Amaz0n is a useful evil, and that we will use their wish lists and ship things to each other nice and early without feeling weird.

Line-a-Day Journal: Loop Two

I have completed the first circuit of the line-a-day journal I started on Election Day of last year: I am now making a SECOND entry on each page. (I chose this particular cover, but there are many, many, many, many, many options.)

(image from Amazon.com)

It is of course very upsetting to re-read the entries for the days following Election Day. It is not much less upsetting to be adding entries such as “The Supreme Court ruled in the Tr*mp’s favor that SNAP benefits can be halted while he appeals a federal judge’s ruling that he must reinstate them” and “The Supreme Court temporarily allows Tr*mp’s rule that passports can only show the holder’s assigned sex at birth” and “The U.S. has blown up a 10th boat, claiming without proof that it was a drug-running boat—not that that would allow us to blow people up.” But it was refreshing to add “Not only Z0hran Mamd@ni but also Abigail Sp@nberger and Miki3 Sh3rrill won their races.”