We are back home after our two-week trip, and having a little trouble with re-entry. Part of it is that we are dropping right into the middle of so many more things than are usually going on:
1. One of the cats (it’s one of the younger ones) is seriously ill. The children had to manage this while we were gone, and no one including the vet thought the cat would live until Paul and I were back from our trip. The cat, however, is attempting to rally (possibly in a cat-like attempt to drain our bank account before perishing anyway), so we are in the midst of ongoing appointments/stress, plus daily medications, plus twice-weekly check-ins with the vet for testing and for support medications (steroids, fluids, anti-nauseants, etc). The vet thinks it is either FIP (potentially/possibly curable) or lymphoma (not curable).
2. Rob arrives today for a three-week visit.
3. Edward’s first intestinal surgery is next week. And Edward has skyed off to visit a friend in another state, returning the day before surgical prep starts. Meanwhile, we received a letter from insurance authorizing an ELEVEN-DAY hospital stay, which is FAR MORE INTENSE than what we were expecting. ALSO: the first day of the new school semester is fourteen days after the surgery, so that seems jeopardous.
4. A toll we can prove we paid (we have one of those auto-pay devices) has GONE TO COLLECTIONS. We have called the toll place REPEATEDLY. We have submitted our paperwork that proves we paid it! When we received the letter that only THREATENED collections, we called and spoke to someone who said our claim HADN’T EVEN BEEN REVIEWED YET (it had been months since we’d submitted the proof). Nevertheless it has gone to collections, and we got the letter when we were opening mail after our trip.
5. Annual family-reunion vacation is the week after next. (This is why Rob is home.)
6. Three kids need to be transported back to school the week after that.
7. William has gotten a job!! It is not at all in his field, but it is a full-time job with benefits!! It starts in a few weeks!!
8. My parents have made the decision to sell their house and move to a retirement community.
Last night, after a little bit of a crabby evening, Paul said wistfully, “I wish we were still just driving around.”
It was a great trip. Everything went well, except for one appalling thing that is already funny: in our first hotel, there was A CLEAR GLASS SHOWER, AT THE FOOT OF THE BED. I went and sat in the lobby in my jammies while Paul showered, and then we switched. We have been together over thirty years, but there is a line.
We saw my parents, and my brother and sister-in-law and niblings. We saw Rob and spent a little time exploring his city. We visited one of my besties who lives where we used to live; I haven’t seen her in person in over 25 years. We visited my favorite cousin who is another of my besties; I haven’t seen her in person for over 25 years. We went to several Interesting Tourist Locations. We discovered that if we eat restaurant food in our usual “Restaurant food is a special treat, so get what you like best instead of aiming for nutrition!!” way for days in a row, we will then consume a 1.5-pound cut-up fruit bowl in about five minutes; and the day after that we will be craving a nice big salad, and the day after that will be the same, until we are basically looking for restaurants that have interesting salads, instead of looking for the ones that have good mozzarella sticks. I started eating the apples from the hotel continental breakfast bars, and those are not good apples.
I was worried that we would not travel well together, but we did. A large amount of the credit for this goes to Paul: I noticed he seemed to be in “defuse don’t escalate” mode for pretty much the whole trip (I can get fretful and touchy if I’m out of my usual element and/or if I get a little bit too hungry; and I am frugal to the point of getting very worked up about the cost of a hotel room), and erred consistently on the side of indulging me. I suspect it is in part because he would like to do a lot more traveling, and I am the more reluctant traveler, so he wanted this to Go Well.
welcome home. I hope it was fn. Where did you go, what did you see, what did you like the best????
I second kate’s questions, but also want to warn you that sometimes those toll Collections letters are a big fat scam! We got one several months ago and our son was super stressed about it, but we looked it up and then just ignored it, and nothing happened. Fingers crossed that’s how this plays out for you.
Good thoughts for Edward’s upcoming surgery!
+1 to the toll “collections” scam! Perhaps you’ve already researched and verified this one is indeed legit, but we get these occasionally too and they have always been a scam, and they are surprisingly clever about having enough data to make them seem very real.
The shower thing is hilarious! Our shower at home is all glass and my husband and I frequently get ready in the same bathroom together, so it wouldn’t have occurred to me that this would be an issue? But obviously it’s a very individual thing.
Glad it was a good trip – it sounds amazing!
What a lovely trip and interlude of peace before the chaos of coming home …
What an informative update!
I might have more comments later but just have to comment on the bathroom one. I travel a lot with a friend and we’ve run into this a lot. And it’s infuriating. As I always say, I wouldn’t want to have an open concept bathroom with a husband. Let alone with a friend. We’ve traveled to places with no door on the toilet. Frosted glass walls for the bathroom. Doors that don’t reach the floor and other things. We still talk fondly about an otherwise crappy hotel in Scotland where the bathroom was like a bank vault. You couldn’t see or hear anything going on in there.
The Holderness Family account has a very funny video about using hotel lobby bathrooms instead of the bathrooms in your room. And it’s spot on.
I’ve never seen an open concept bathroom in person, but I don’t travel a lot. How common are they in your experience? (how many people thought this was a good idea???)
The clear glass shower wouldn’t bother me, but if we are in a small hotel room where there is not much space between the toilet and the living space, I will either send my husband out or tell him to watch something with headphones on when the time comes. I’m always aghast when people say they just use the toilet with their spouse right there. That is a bridge too far for me, and we have been together 28 years. The man watched me give birth and yet I will never ever be able to freely defecate with him nearby. And I think I pooped on the delivery table! It’s a blur. Wow, this is way more information than you need, but hey, we have been friends a long time.
I’m glad you had a great trip. When my husband retired and we wanted to travel, I did wonder how it would go. Turns out, it goes well!
Please know that I have been checking every day for updates! So glad you made it home in one piece but still so many hurdles to clear.
Yay, you’re back! I also have been checking for updates! What a crazy slate of things to return to. Hope it all goes well.
I’m really glad Paul was in defuse mode.
It doesn’t make up for being staggeringly inept with problem solving, but every person has good parts and other parts. They don’t have to compensate.
Can you just imagine sharing a room with a parent (because Frugal!) and getting a stupid glass bathroom?
Aaargh!
Saying that, as a 32 year couple, probably could cope with the shower, but definitely not the toilet! Nope.
Best of luck and good wishes for the kitty, and Edward’s surgery, and for William’s job.
Welcome home! That is A LOT to come home to. I do hope your cat gets better. Good luck with Edward’s surgery and congrats to William on the job. Have fun on your family vacation.
Sending my best wishes to your kitty – BOTH of rescue cats were diagnosed with FIP last spring. It’s a stressful (and expensive) experience that I would never like to repeat. Sounds like an overall great vacation!
Hi Swistle! My teenage daughter has Crohn’s, and had surgery last summer when she was first diagnosed (she had a pretty bad bowel obstruction, and needed that area removed.) FWIW, she was able to be discharged on the 8th day after surgery. You can email me if you want to ask any questions about our experience with the surgery. I hope everything goes smoothly!
Welcome back! Great to hear that your trip went well. I’m really happy for William (and relieved!!) that he finally found a job. It must be such a weight off from his and your chest. Fantastic news! And even if it’s not in “his field”, whatever it is he will be doing he’ll learn so much on the job, it might be even better suited to his needs (I know a LOT of people where sudden career changes turned out to be exactly right even if not what they originally planned). What are your thoughts about your parents moving to a retirement home? If I recall correctly they have two places of residency (?), so will they be staying close to you or to some other family member? This is probably also in my future so I am curious about your thoughts. I also hope that Edward’s surgery will work out as well as possible. Hospitals are scary but I hope that he will look back at this moment in his life and be happy that it helped him in the long run. Fingers crossed everything will go smoothly! Also thinking of your cat. Take care, Swistle!
They will be living very far away, and I’m not happy about that aspect. I feel like this is the stage of life when it is good to have family nearby, and instead they’re about as far as they could possibly be without leaving the country. No family of any kind even slightly nearby. I feel like that’s going to make LITERALLY EVERYTHING so much more difficult for EVERYONE INVOLVED. My brother is like “Well, it’s their choice, they should do what they want,” and OF COURSE IT IS and OF COURSE THEY SHOULD. That doesn’t mean I can’t STRENUOUSLY DISLIKE IT!
Oh no! I absolutely see your point. For what it’s worth, this might just be their first stop and they might move again later, especially once they realize that a lot of things just can’t be done by relatives who live far away. But I think that in general it’s great to sell a house and get rid of a lot of … stuff before someone else has to take over because you are not able to do so on your own. When a relative lost her husband, she sold the house and moved into a small apartment and got rid of a lot of things. It made her move into a seniors residence a lot easier for everyone involved.
Is this a continuing care place with a buy-in? Is it near advanced medical care and a good-sized airport?
My parents moved into a very good CCRC that is great in tons of ways but also kind of near the middle of nowhere, so I have Lots of Thoughts (also based on the choices of various loved ones and friends’ loved ones). But I promise I won’t say anything if I think they’re doing it wrong.
My parents fuss a lot about their friends who refuse to move closer to their children. The friends will say, “I have lived here all my life, I don’t want to move!” but either (1) their children have to make a lot of trips in to care for them or, more commonly (2) my parents or other friends have to serve as caretakers and drivers and helpers. They are happy to help, but they do get frustrated with the stubbornness.
Then again, their next door neighbor is only a few minutes’ drive from her own daughter and has gotten to the point where she absolutely should not be left alone, but flatly refuses to leave her home OR have someone come in to help. Her daughter may have to literally kidnap her to get her into assisted living. So proximity is not always a perfect solution.
All that to say, I’m sorry your parents are moving farther away, and I hope that before too long they’ll change their minds and move somewhere closer to you or a sibling. None of this is easy. xo
That’s is A LOT to come home to!!
Will you be staying in the big city for the entirely of Edward’s hospital stay (either in his room or nearby)? I had a hospital stay recently and it surprised me that I preferred no one stay with me, just visits. But I was fully conscious and not on pain meds or anything.
Glad Paul was willing to placate and indulge you to make the trip easier and more fun! You certainly do the same for him in most of like so I feel you are owed!
Congratulations to William! This is such a tough job market right now that finding ANYTHING is a huge success. Is he planning to continue living at home for a while?
Did y’all drive all the way across the country or fly to your parents and drive back?
I’m glad you are back and had a good time, I felt like a friend was away and I was waiting with bated breath for the trip report 😂
I HAVE BEEN WONDERING. Last time Edward had a long hospital stay, he was a minor, so a parent was not only welcome to stay with him, a parent was WELCOME. This time, I’m assuming I am subject to visitors hours, but I need to check.
I think William is planning to keep living here for awhile; the housing market is terrible everywhere, and I don’t know if it is PARTICULARLY terrible here or not, but I know apartment prices are shocking to me. I remember making minimum wage in my early 20s and being able to afford to rent an apartment on my own with that money; it was a DATED apartment (not updated since the ’70s), but it was DECENT. That doesn’t seem to be the case now.
Sounds like a lovely trip! Also, I would love a groundhog update. I live in France and there is a story about a badger that has been terrorizing a town in Brittany. I read that story and that reminded me of your groundhog, and then I wondered how he was doing and how your yard is surviving.
So. I mentioned to Paul that I did not think it worked to send Cute Groundhog photos/videos to the kids for years, and then say “Welp! Time to kill the groundhog!” And that if he intended to kill it, he should have done it without comment. And then a week or so later I noticed there was wire mesh over a groundhog burrow entrance, with rocks on it. And I have not investigated further.
So glad to hear that your trip went well! I know what you mean about the fruits and vegetables, though. And congrats to William on the great job news!
We also had a toll issue recently. We just moved, and I dutifully closed our account with the toll authority in our old state. It had been set up to automatically refill, so they had our cc info, but once you close your account they can’t charge you any more, so I got an email every day about our $5.40 balance until I got it together to call them and sort it out. This was not easy because we moved to another country, so I had to switch back the SIM card in my phone and wait for the time zones to align. Bah. $5.40.
We have been house hunting, and in one house, a bathroom was added to the primary bedroom. The bathroom is just a glassed in enclosure at one end of the room, and you could totally see not only the shower but the knees of the person on the toilet. No thank you.
What a whirlwind to come home to. I am glad the trip went well — that also sounds like a whirlwind.
The glass bathroom – um, nope.
I hope the cat’s health improves and that the abdominal surgery goes well and healing is quick. Congrats on the new job WITH health benefits!
If hotel rates seem high, I would be happy to send you a link for a friends and family rate at the large hotel chain I work for when you travel! Consider it payback for providing me hours of reading entertainment all these years. It isn’t always available and must be booked within 90 days of your stay, but it never hurts to check. Please email me if you want the details! Does this sound spammy? It isn’t! I promise!
We need another post, with a 8-point follow up, please. Thinking of you. :)