I cannot adequately express how much I appreciated the extremely helpful and bolstering variety of responses on the Job post. And the suggestions that I stay on FOR SPITE were so funny, it considerably deflated the stress of the whole thing.
Which is not to say that I did not wake up at 4:00 a.m. and go immediately into mentally-reliving-and-reimagining mode. And I have continued doing it all day. I contacted my doctor and got a refill on a short-acting medication that can be helpful to take at such times. I put the bottle into my work bag. (I have also increased my willingness to consider a more daily medication, especially in this ongoing political climate. I would be even more open to the idea if such medications had worked better the last time I tried them.)
This morning I went for a walk with a sympathetic coworker, and we talked through some options. There is another coworker who is being actively hassled by this same supervisor; we’re in different departments and hardly ever overlap, but I think I should go have a chat with her. I will at some point have to talk to the director; I wish I were someone who could do difficult talks without crying, but we do what we can with what we have. (Also: I took my short-acting medication before my meeting with my supervisor, and I DID NOT CRY.) I also may make an appointment with HR and see what they have to say; they do exit interviews, and several employees have left because of this supervisor, and rumor has it that the lead HR person “can’t stand” this supervisor. (That does not seem to have saved those other employees, however, or resulted in any action against my supervisor.) I am acquaintances with a member of the board of trustees; perhaps I will ask her to have coffee with me.
NOW LET US TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE I AM GOING MAD. I hate hate hate this stage of things, when my mind CANNOT leave something alone. I know it will pass; it always passes. But in the meantime it is like being infected by a brain virus.
Do you know, sometimes when I am afflicted with a brain virus and/or lying awake at night, I will think to myself “Let’s think about something HAPPY!!,” and sometimes I can’t think of anything? Literally can’t think of anything—or at least, nothing that doesn’t immediately lead to another stressful thought. (This is another reason I am considering a daily medication.)
Because of course there are happy things. There are so many happy things. Soon there will BULB FLOWERS! There was recently a BABY. There are BOOKS TO READ. There is another library just ten minutes away, if my own library ends up ruined for me because of this job. There are the mini road trips taking the college kids back and forth, with big boxes of road-trip snacks, and sometimes an overnight in a motel by myself! There are Easter care packages to assemble, and there are Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs (in my opinion, the best of the Reese’s format). There are cats. There is my friend’s dog, who accompanies us on our walks so I get some Dog Time as well as some Friend Time and some Mental and Physical Health. There is CHRISTMAS; I know it is March, but the years go by faster and faster. Paul and I have booked a vacation (more on this later), which isn’t happening until next year, and it is causing me some stress but mostly I like to think about it, and I like that I have plenty of time to think about it. Paul’s workplace’s annual outing-with-spouses is going to be a baseball game this year, and I have never been to a baseball game; and because it is organized by someone else, I can be (more) interested and happy, rather than (as) stressed about figuring it all out.
I want to choose us a topic other than my work situation, but it feels cheesy and forced to suggest we list things to be happy about. What if the topic is SAY LITERALLY ANYTHING. It CAN be something to be happy about, but let’s not have any pressure about that. There is something just as satisfying about a good complaint. Do you want to complain about something happening at work? I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT. Do you have a coping method for dealing with a temporary brain virus? PLEASE SHARE. Are you SO SICK OF SNOW? TELL ME. Have you read a good book? LET US IN ON IT. Are you looking forward to something? WE WANT TO KNOW. Is there a food you are currently a little obsessed with? IT’S ALL GOOD INFO. (Have you tried the spicy dill pickle Goldfish Crisps? I bought them as a sort of joke, and we did not stop eating them until they were all gone.)
(image from pepperidgefarm.com)
My toddler is in the Big Emotions stage. Help! (On Sunday, the minister literally preached a sermon on big feelings, and then my toddler plopped himself right down in the middle of the main hallway of the church and proceeded to give a demonstration of big feelings. You gotta laugh, right??)
Happy thoughts – I am excited for the return of spring, and already looking forward to summer! Especially since I’ve found a summer preschool, so this summer should have more balance than the past few!
I love both of these things so much. You go with your big feelings, toddler. Show them what it is. We’ve all been there.
I’m enjoying Middle Grade March–I had decided to “challenge” myself to read only middle grade books in the month of March, because there’s so many good ones and I never get around to reading most of them. Then I found out that I did not coin the term Middle Grade March and there is a list of prompts (possibly a bingo card) that people are fulfilling. I’m not bothering with that side of it, but I am enjoying the weekly livestreams about it.
I am really enjoying seasonal kids’ short story collections, specifically Beti and the Little Round House and our much-loved Little Witch Hazel.
For middle grade, I have loved Happily for Now by Kelly Jones, Roll With it by Jamie Sumner, and Insignificant Events in the Life of a Cactus by Dusti Bowling. There are so many more…MG is underrated beyond belief.
I keep noping out of the adult books I’m trying to read…
This is lovely. The children’s librarians at my library read every single new book that comes into the children’s section, and they seem like they have the right idea, reading-wise. Adult books are all, “KATE had the PERFECT life: the PERFECT husband, the PERFECT career, the PERFECT house, the PERFECT children…UNTIL TRAGEDY STRIKES!!” Who needs it. I read The Story of Holly and Ivy by Rumer Godden, a picture book, and IMPROVED MY LIFE.
It’s thanks to you I went on a big Rumer Godden kick! That was a LOVELY string of books–I ended up reading Miss Happiness and Miss Flower aloud to the kids.
I’m so glad you liked them!!
My inclination is to be irritated that it was already a thing, because I have never heard of it (EVEN THOUGH I WORK IN A LIBRARY) so I would prefer to think you invented it. I will attempt to reframe and see it as you INSTINCTIVELY TAPPED INTO THE ZEITGEIST BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF HUMANITY
Ohhhh! I’d love to hear your favorites!
So far my favorites are Song for a Whale, Planet Earth Is Blue, and Wonderstruck–Wonderstruck has a very interesting format, with one character’s story told through illustrations and the other through prose.
I’m not sure if this still counts as Middle Grade, but I am reading a Tamora Pierce series I had not previously known about! She has been one of my favorite authors for a long time now, and I often re-read books by her when I need a calm/familiar book. I thought I’d read everything she wrote, then I found a trilogy I’d somehow missed!
I love MG! What have you read?
So far I’ve read:
– All the Blues in the Sky by Renée Watson
– Song for a Whale by Lynne Kelly
– Planet Earth Is Blue by Nicole Panteleakos
– The First State of Being by Erin Entrada Kelly
– From the Desk of Zoe Washington by Janae Marks
– Wonderstruck by Brian Selznick
Am currently reading the sequel to the Zoe Washington book, and Please Pay Attention by Jamie Sumner.
Can I recommend A Rover Story by Warga? I love it so much that I cried.
Reading middle-grade books saves my soul.
Oh the brain virus / hamster wheel / can’t stop picking apart the terrible thing…I know it so well. As my anxiety has lessened over my adulthood, the brain hamster-wheeling has also lessened, so the daily med option sounds like maybe a good one, esp if you’re already considering it.
Do you want to complain about something happening at work? I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT. ~ Today the heat did not work at the school where I teach, and it was 30 degrees outside, yet we were still at school. The thing that took out the heat ALSO took out all the food waiting to be prepared in the cafeteria due to a massive leak (flood), so all they had to give the 900 students were Uncrustable sandwiches. Yet we were still at school! And will be there tomorrow, with no heat and only Uncrustables!
Have you read a good book? LET US IN ON IT. ~ I just finished two excellent books and would recommend them both. Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy is achingly sad and worrying but also very beautifully written, and I loved it. The Sirens by Emilia Hart is multi layered and has some sad elements for sure, but also has a good ending, and my brain really enjoyed trying to untwist all the plot points before I even got to them and then being REALLY SATISFIED when I was right.
Are you looking forward to something? WE WANT TO KNOW. ~ One of my best friends lives in Chicago, and she has invited me and one of our other mutual best friends to join her for members night at the Field Museum. We are taking a day off work and driving there together to see the behind-the-scenes dinosaur bone storage and other very nerdy things and I cannot wait.
NO HEAT AND ONLY UNCRUSTABLES is this year’s contender for hot new horror/comedy film.
Ohhhhhh the friend-group behind-the-scenes museum event!! This is so happy!!
Wild Dark Shore was very good! I read it and had a delightful text conversation with a friend about it. I also loved Heart The Lover
I thought my mom wasn’t coming to our annual family beach vacation this summer and I was very sad about it because she lives on the other side of the country and I don’t see her often, but she changed her mind and she is coming after all.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh, here’s another one. My 20-something son who’s been only intermittently employed for the last three years has a lead on a job, temporary but lasting several months, whereas most of his gigs tend to last days or weeks.
This is wonderful. You and I are on similar pages here, child-wise, so I viscerally identify with this happy turn of events.
My particular brain virus (also work related, but also everything related) went into overdrive about a month ago and I took some time away from my jobby job to figure out if I need more meds or new meds or some combination of the two. I am extremely fortunate to have protected medical leave so I can deal with medication related side effects, because lo, there have been side effects. When you have anxiety, being witnessed showing signs of a) said anxiety, b) extra anxiety due to med changes and/or c) crying/puking/twitching due to med changes leads to, surprise, MOAR ANXIETY. The good news is that some of the meds have kicked in and I no longer want to go play in traffic to make the brain virus stop eating my brain, so: PROGRESS!
I am absolutely obsessed with the spicy dill pickle goldfish crackers! I love pickles and pickle flavors in general, so it wasn’t a surprise, but so yummy!
We’re leaving Friday for a spring break trip to Mexico City! I’m looking forward to all the museums, food, culture, and spring weather but I am MOST looking forward to reuniting with my college freshman daughter who goes to school 2,000 miles away and I haven’t seen since January!
I am working on the college Easter care package as well. Any fun ideas? So far I have various candy, a chocolate bunny, and giant bubbles. I know the bubbles might sound silly for a college student, but it’s a very quirky school and she and her friends spend a lot of time on the lawn when the weather is nice so I think they’ll be a hit. Speaking of care packages, I have been meaning to mention – I learned about the Pirateship shipping website from a comment here and hoo boy – it has been LIFE CHANGING! Things that used to cost $20 to ship are now only $11 and it’s so easy to print off the label here at home and then just drop it off with no waiting. LOVE. IT.
Okay, this may be the push I need to finally try Pirateship. It felt like it couldn’t be real!
Bubbles are a GREAT idea; I’m stealing it. I’ve had very few ideas this year. In previous years I did nail stickers and nail polish, but I guess I MOSTLY do candy. I also have the fun of putting together half a dozen small baggies of treats for Elizabeth’s core group of friends; none of my other kids have wanted that, but her friends’ moms ROUTINELY send things for the group, which is a lot of fun to participate in.
Pirate ship is great. Can confirm.
Also bubbles sound perfect. A great lawn at college activity.
Every time I stand in line at UPS Store and hear people shipping directly with them, I want to slip them a card with the PirateShip website. It’s the best!
I find this notion of a short acting medication to interrupt brain loops and stop confrontation crying very intriguing, I did not know that was an option. Is it like an anti-anxiety thing? Because wow could I use that at 3 am! I’m sure it would be better than stress-eating Easter candy, which is what I did today. Now I need to go buy more jelly beans.
Good news: Spring is coming! I have daffodil shoots peeking out of the ground.
My two favorite recent reads: Cinder House by Freya Marske and The Librarians by Sherry Thomas. Two very different stories in which the endings are happy, friendships are made and the bad guys get what is coming to them in a very satisfying way.
Looking forward to: The aforementioned arrival of spring. And also the start of what will be my last season with a middle school soccer player. I get to walk around the park and get exercise and fresh air twice a week while he’s at practice, and I like that very much.
Food: My mom gave me a Costco membership because I shop for her and she wants me to get her Costco things. I made my first trip today and it was a little overwhelming (there is so much of everything and it is all so big), but I got these peaches & cream croissants from the bakery that are amazing.
Here’s to happy things!
Yes, it is anti-anxiety medication—the valium/xanax/ativan type of thing. The main issue is that many doctors are reluctant to prescribe them. I have them as a benefit of going through the psychiatric process nearly 20 years ago: once a psychiatrist had prescribed them, my regular doctor was more willing to do so. (Though she will prescribe only 10 doses per year, which is…inadequate.)
I think I may need to get a Cosco membership. They’ve been doing such good stuff lately, in sharp contrast to my ex Target. I do find it so overwhelming, though! Getting something from the bakery would help, I think.
I will second the Costco bakery! The last time I was there, they had orange cranberry bagels and they are delicious! I just finished one for breakfast.
In other news, I am going to my friend’s house to say goodbye to her cat, whom I catsit when she travels. He is a solid black, grumpy old man 18 year old cat whom we all love very much, and his time has come. I’m sad, but he has certainly had a wonderful life as a spoiled cat of my friend and her husband. A cat could not have asked for better.
Yes. Yes. I have to try one of those bagels.
It is so hard to say goodbye to a kitty, but it does feel so much better when they’ve had a good long happy life and it is so clearly Time.
I have a prescription for hydroxyzine as needed for anxiety. It’s an older generation antihistamine, and it works pretty well but I can be kinda groggy the next day. I wasn’t interested in a benzo-type thing, so it was a decent option for me.
For super unpleasant anxiety spirals, I also like activating the mammalian dive reflex, which I learned from DBT. It’s somewhat unpleasant in the moment, but it has never failed to work yet!
I have heard about this mammalian dive reflex, but for some reason have never tried it. It is free and accessible and easy to try; what is my problem? I am adding it to the list.
Were you able to get the prescription for hydroxyzine from your usual doctor, or did you have to see a specialist?
I currently have a brain virus. It’s called Heated Rivalry, and I am baffled that I hear nothing of it from you folks in the US and Canada! Why is no one else as obsessed with it as me? I know people think it’s just “the gay ice hockey show”, but to me it was the most beautifully done love story I have seen, possibly ever.
My incessant consumption of Heated Rivalry TikToks is possibly not helping me recover from this virus.
I hear about that show EVERYWHERE. I haven’t watched it yet, but the obsession with it makes me think I’d better get in on it.
I am similarly obsessed with the show, and highly recommend some Reddit deep-dives, Kate, if you want to witness the level of obsession and HR nerdiness sweeping the world (and read some primers on hockey, the Russian language, the LGBTQ situation in Russia, and analyses of when/why the main characters take off their shoes when entering one another’s homes … ask me how I know …). @Swistle, I think you mentioned a while back that you’re not a fan of explicit TV/books – if that is the case, I suggest skipping the show and novels, and we’ll enjoy them on your behalf!
Also: I have found two images to (temporarily) abort brain hamstering. One is to imagine a citrus squeezer (like the industrial ones in coffee shops) clunking down on an orange and reducing “the problem” to pulp. The other is to imagine my worries on a rainy car windshield and turning on the wipers.
I’m sorry things suck at work. I have so, so been there.
It’s funny how much better it makes me feel to know that other people have dealt with it. It feels like a phenomenon that should be so, so rare—but unfortunately IS NOT. One of my coworkers shrugs and says “Power: it just always, always corrupts.”
I am writing down citrus squeezer and windshield wipers.
I am also obsessed with it! I subscribed to HBO Max in January “for a month” so I could see it, watched all six episodes in about two days, and now can’t bear to unsubscribe. So full of yearning and love and connection. I want to own it on disc so much, so they can’t take it away from me. And I want season two already!
Thank you! Feeling better about my obsession :-)
(Maybe watch The Pitt to justify the HBOMax subscription??
I will never pass up an opportunity to rant about an annoying work thing!
I have a coworker who frequently accuses me of doing my job incorrectly, or of dropping the ball on tasks assigned to me. Except the vast majority of the time, I *have in fact* correctly done the tasks in question. And nine times out of ten, she can easily find out that that’s the case, but she just goes straight into Accusation Mode instead of taking two seconds to check whether or not I actually messed up.
Example: the other day, she came to my desk in a panic because I hadn’t sent some important documents to a client. Except…I *had* sent the documents, and told her so. She said, “Well, next time you need to CC me on the email.” I was pretty sure I had CC’d her, so I said, “I thought I did CC you. Did you not receive it?” To which she replied, “I don’t know, I haven’t checked my email today.” Okay well maybe check your email before you assume I didn’t do my job!
On one hand, she’s not my boss, so whatever. (And actually one time I overheard her complaining about me to my boss, and my boss was like, “No, Ruby didn’t mess up on that, and also please don’t assign her work without talking to me first.” So that was satisfying.) But on the other hand, UGGGHHHHHH.
I’m sorry your job is stressful right now – this whole situation sounds so frustrating. I’m glad to hear that you’re getting some support from coworkers, and that you’re not alone in your frustration. (Well, I mean, I’m not glad that multiple people have issues with this person, but you know what I mean.) I agree that there’s no need to make any big decisions yet – but whatever you ultimately decide to do, I hope it works out for the best. I hope you end up happily employed somewhere, whether it’s at the library or somewhere new.
That coworker would drive me NUTS. But I LOVE that response from your boss!! I would think of that…probably for the rest of my life.
I still think of your story of the awful AWFUL coworker you had in the plant nursery and how utterly satisfying it was to hear from your supervisor after you quit!!
I think again and again of the former coworker who reported to me that, when asked why Swistle had quit, my supervisor said “[Name of difficult coworker] rode her back until she fled.” I felt so extremely VALIDATED.
Being in the southern hemisphere I don’t have spring to anticipate yet, but…. I’m getting a puppy! She’s ready in just over a week, and please search Japanese Spitz puppies to see how incredibly cute they are. I’m hugely excited and also a little bit worried about all the chewable stuff (cables!) around my house.
A PUPPY!!!! One of my coworkers is getting a puppy, and we have all agreed that “waiting for the puppy” is VERY SIMILAR to the joy of waiting for a new baby.
My next-oldest cousin (my brother and I are the oldest) just welcomed his first baby!!! Even better, the baby’s name is a family name (it belonged to our grandpa), and the one I would have lobbied hard for if my kiddo had been a boy. I may never meet this baby but I am buying him all the books per a previous recommendation and I just love babies!!!! Oh, speaking of happy and babies: I just got to meet a dear college friend’s kids, one of whom is an adorable baby and I got to HOLD the baby and it was wonderful. BABIES.
BABIES!
Babies with GOOD NAMES!!!!
Something I’m looking forward to AND ALSO giving me brain virus: in 18 days we are going to New Zealand for the “trip of a lifetime” for a month, and the reason that I am fretting is because I am my own travel consultant, so if anything goes wrong, it’s my own fault.
Book I can recommend: Take Your Breath Away by Linwood Barclay, that I just finished. So. Many. Twists! (A mystery of sorts – no children or animals are harmed)
That is so exciting! I have heard wonderful things about New Zealand.
I love that you know my deal-breakers for twisty fiction.
Have an amazing trip Sara! We went to New Zealand about a year ago, and absolutely loved it. I also planned our trip for the most part, and it was fine, though we tried to do too much in too little time. With a month you will be fine. We didn’t see everything by any means, but highlights for me were Abel Tasman park and the golden sand beaches, Wellington (the national museum is excellent), and Rotorua (go in the hot spring!). This is probably a story for my own comment, but we loved NZ so much we considered moving there. Now, we are considering an international move anyway, so this is not such an off the wall idea as it may seem, but we ended up ruling out NZ because of the distance. It is sooooo faaaarrr. Worth it though.
I hope you have a wonderful trip. The autumn weather at the moment is perfect – clear blue skies and gloriously sunny days.
Given that my emotional age is about 12, I have found that searching YouTube for “horses farting” is very good when I badly need a laugh.
You know, this is why I ask for advice. As a group, we come up with a SUPERIOR assortment.
Do you want to complain about something happening at work? I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT.
Well, normally I alternate between loving my job and tolerating certain annoying people/processes involved in my job BUT…….we recently let a problem co-worker go (yay!) and also a good remote worker go (boo!), and another team member moved to work on a different area on the same team. At the same time, we switched our focus completely (think if you mostly read/worked on fiction books and had to switch to nothing but dry scientific research papers, all day every day. This is not what I do, per se, but is what it feels like). And I hate the dry scientific journal part, but have no choice. We will not switch back to the ‘fiction’ work until July, likely. And the other team members who were well versed in the fiction work besides me……were the 3 people that got let go or moved. Which means even when we do switch back to work I enjoy, I will be in training/demo/answering questions mode for months to train the newer people. It’s just a lot, and makes it hard to be excited about work, which makes me sad.
Exciting – we cleaned out a hoarder house we bought and are getting ready for a gigantic barn sale and to rent the property out. Flowers popping, birds singing, snow leaving. Penpal letters.
It is so upsetting, the way changes to a job can have such an effect on the entire job—especially when the job COULD BE better or WAS better.
Cleaning out a hoarder house sounds IMMENSELY satisfying. I sometimes see those reels where someone tackles a hoarder kitchen or something, and it’s just great.
And birds! Yes, BIRDS!
And LETTERS!!
I love these kinds of posts and hearing from everyone.
Book thing: I just read The God of the Woods and would love to hear impressions (positive, negative, anything) from others who have read it. Please tell me what you thought! I found it hugely engrossing and mostly enjoyable – especially the first half – but thought it sputtered out a bit towards the end.
Happy thing: We have a college visit road trip with my high schooler this weekend which I’m very much looking forward to.
I liked God of the Woods, but I liked Long Bright River by Liz Moore (same author) even better. I thought it had a stronger ending. My book club read God of the Woods and agreed with you that the ending could have been better.
Thank you!!
Oh, college visits are fun! And they often have some sort of yummy snack, like big cookies!
I have not yet read The God of the Woods but one of my coworkers put it in our Staff Picks display.
Here are my things. First, my coping mechanism is gabapentin. I can *feel* it relaxing me, and there are zero side effects. YMMV, and my husband and daughter both take an antidepressant, so whatever gets you through the night, you know?
I am greatly looking forward to a week in Michigan over the 4th of July this year. Both my kids are in college and hard to pin down these days, but both are coming, and there is plenty of room in this cabin for extras. I told them to bring alllll the extras who want to come. The cost of the cabin is ridiculous, at least by my standards, but can you put a price on happy memories? You cannot. So we are doing it!
I saw the funniest cat video last night. I wish I had a way to post it here. I made me laugh and laugh: two cats in a hard-sided backpack carrier of some sort, but you could see the cats through the one side. The cats were…not getting along. It was hilarious. (Maybe you had to see it.)
My son, whose mental health I was quite worried about in high school, has joined a bike team in college an informed his dad and me that he pretty much schedules his life around getting 8 hours of sleep a night. And he eats oatmeal for breakfast. I’m taking those things as a sign that he’s on the right track, and I can dial down the worrying a little.
That’s all I got!
I can relate SO much to the relief you must feel at biking + sleep + oatmeal. I, too, am always looking for signs that I can dial down the worrying a little for my son at uni. Hurrah for him (and you!).
I am very interested in this gabapentin idea. My CATS have a prescription for it, for taking before vet appointments. I wonder, is it the kind of thing the regular doctor will give you, or does it need a specialist?
I’m so happy to hear about the biking and the sleep and the oatmeal. Those do seem like excellent signs.
Gabapentin can be prescribed by your regular doctor. I was turned onto it when a nurse practitioner told my husband (who also takes it for anxiety, as well as restless legs) to up his dosage, saying, “Oh, you could be taking this by the FISTFUL.” I thought, ok, sign me up. It has been great for anxiety, and I also take it to improve my sleep at night. It reduces hot flashes! I mean, what’s not to love!
The vet says the same thing about giving it to the cats: like, she said we could even give it to them just to make it easier to cut their nails. NO real risks, NO real downsides. I am going to ask my doctor and see what she says!
A northern flicker has been visiting my bird feeder over the past few weeks. Beautiful bird!
I just looked up photos online and it is SO PRETTY. It looks like a paint-by-number!
I looked it up because you looked it up (and posted a comment), and wow!
I appreciate your blog so much, Swistle – it is so bolstering to read your thoughts and those of this fine group of commenters, to know that I am not the only person struggling with any and all of the following at any given moment: my job, anxiety, the state of the world, my aging, my parents aging, my teens’ futures. The older I get, it seems the more uncertain I feel about myself! I thought I was supposed to get MORE confident, not less.
Well, I will combat those feelings today with your excellent suggestion of sharing something(s) I’m looking forward to:
– I just booked a long weekend at a very nice (far too expensive, but I shall refuse to feel guilt!) seaside Maine inn to celebrate my husband’s 50th birthday. The joy of having a trip calling to me from my future calendar is unparalleled.
– My 19-year-old, home for spring break this week, is at this very moment meeting with people at the local university about a paid summer internship in his area of study. Even if he does not obtain said internship, I am so proud of him for putting himself out there and doing the thing, you know?
– And related to your other prompt of whether one is sick of snow (I am! Very much so!), I am ALSO looking forward to warmth and bulbs and green things (there are none yet. I look out my window and not a speck of green, but I know it is coming!). For the last few years I have been starting flowers from seed in late winter/early spring, down in my creepy dark basement outfitted with grow lights. The little seedlings down there are giving me such anticipation for the spring to come.
I have been following your work situation intently and did not comment on your last post but can I just say? I never would have come up with some of the responses you gave your supervisor and I am so impressed with the emotional intelligence you displayed. I am Team Swistle all the way here.
I have a friend who now makes a point of ALWAYS having a trip to look forward to. She says it’s pretty much saving her husband’s mental state: he puts a countdown on his phone and it makes him think about the trip instead of how much he hates his job. She just makes sure there’s always a new countdown timer before the current one runs out.
Oh, how thrilling to think of the little baby plants already starting!
A couple of happy things:
1. My nephew (I think I commented about my sister’s husband leaving her when she was 7 months pregnant. That’s not a happy thing and is a whole of lot drama and if anyone wants to hear about a problem that isn’t theirs, I can elaborate ;) ). But THE BABY! The baby is 3 months old and wonderful. I don’t have kids and I’ve gotten to spend so much time with him, which makes my heart happy. He’s thriving and starting to smile and laugh and ‘talk’ to you. He’s funny….he hates being outside with great passion, which just makes me laugh. Who hates fresh air?! This baby! His name is Lawrence/Larry and is there anything cuter than a Baby Larry?!? No! And one of his cats is a yellow tom cat, who is in love with his baby brother. The cat looks out for the baby and just today made the baby really laugh. I look at pictures of him in December and can’t believe that this solid kid used to be a floppy infant and I get a tiny bit sad. He is cool with everyone, but really, really loves his mom and it is fun to see my sister be a mom. I can be feeding him and he’ll happily eat, but look around for his mom and seems to be thinking “I’ll tolerate you, but you are NOT my mom and I know it!”
2. Probably not the right crowd for this, but I am a big sports fan, specifically college basketball, and today starts the best 4 days of the year with the NCAA tournament. I’m sad just thinking that it is going to be 1/8th done by 2:00 today :)
Baby Larry is the best!
Also I love March Madness in part because my son loves it so much, but also it’s so fun. I stayed up way too late last night watching the Miami Ohio game and if it means spending lots of time with him over spring break yelling at random teenagers I am here for it!
Oh the BABY! The baby. Named LAWRENCE. I love it.
I remember Baby Larry! SO happy to hear your family is doing well, and the joy the baby is bringing! ❤️
I commented on a previous post, but I’m telling you, the series The Unselected Journals of Emma M Lion is my happy place. It is so freaking delightful. I’m through book 7 and I am not a big series person. Each and every book is so wonderful. Just last night, my mind was spiraling because of a small, routine medical test that one of my children has to get done to check out something. I picked up the books, read a couple of journal entries, and was able to fall asleep pretty easily.
My sister and mother were just telling me about these books! High praise, indeed.
Last time you mentioned this series, I went immediately to place the first book on hold—and there was only one copy in our library’s buddy system (we share resources with about a dozen libraries) and it had 14 holds on it!! I’m going to have to check again: when something like this happens, it often spurs the ordering librarian to order another copy!
Here are my collected things to distract both (all) of us!
First, forget about snow! We’re having a heat wave, it’s in the 90s here! I don’t have air conditioning and I was not expecting to have to deal with sweaty weather all day, every day, until like July.
Swistle, I am very upset for your work situation, and it sounds like you have a lot of options and you don’t necessarily need advice, but I would so dearly love to see your situation posted on Ask A Manager and have Alison respond to you. When I think about it, it makes my heart squeeze with excitement.
Some things that work for me and my specific individual self when I am spiraling are to sing a song in my head – for some reason, “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” makes me literally forget about everything else I was thinking about, good or bad.
Next, a thing that makes me very happy is to compliment somebody. If I’m in a place where I am out and about and I’m starting to have a little panic attack, I verbally compliment somebody, even if I’ve never met them. I know that this is probably not a thing that will make you, Swistle, panic less. But it works for me. If I am in my home or working, I text somebody that I love and just tell them that I’m thinking about them or compliment them for something recent. It makes me very happy that I’ve made somebody else happy, and then they usually respond in a happy or complimentary way to me. (So, I guess it’s fishing for compliments, but if it stops a panic spiral, that’s fine.)
Finally, I don’t think that this is a Swistle-friendly idea, but I am really upset about the way that transgender people are being treated, so I decided to make my own little sports club (that is not actually a sports club; it’s more like a social group, but that part does not matter.) I made a little website for a cutesy Simi Leg and Arm Wrestling (SLAW) group, designed flyers and stickers, and put them up around my (relatively conservative) town. Now I have a dozen or so people who are on board with my same values. It is no cost and extremely low maintenance because I’m not about to burden myself or anyone else with Yet Another Thing, but we sometimes do some fun things together (usually not leg or arm wrestling, though.) It makes us happy, and that’s what matters.
What an utterly delightful idea for a club.
I am adding the song idea to the list. The first one I thought of was Take Me Home Country Roads, by John Denver—but I have also had luck in the past with really upbeat songs, like Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepson.
I’ll go! At adult gymnastics a week ago I came off the beam and hurt my ankle quite badly. Turns out it’s “just” a sprain but a “significant” one, and I haven’t left the house except to go to the ER and ortho in a full week. The first few days were so painful I could barely move without moaning. I miss the kids I nanny for, I miss gymnastics a TON and no idea if/when I’ll be able to do that again, but plus side I watched all 8 canonical seasons of scrubs….
I’m so glad it wasn’t broken, but what a pain! I do love the “I’m temporarily unable to do anything so I will have to binge-watch a show” concept, though. (I like to combine it with “…and eat a box of Little Debbie cakes.”)
My kids are home on spring break halllp. But it’s Thursday, and we’re going shoe shopping, so I think I’ll make it. And I think I’ll get some Reese’s eggs while we’re out, so thank you for the reminder. It’s Bluebonnet season here in Texas, which is worth googling if you want to see bucolic photos of longhorn cows surrounded by flowers so blue they look fake, but I can attest they really are that pretty.
Oh to be a bucolic longhorn cow surrounded by bluebonnets!!
I really don’t like how you’re being treated, and I also think you are handling it really well. I hope for divine intervention on your part somehow, like maybe this woman’s husband will be transferred to another town or something.
My go-to for anxiety is L-Theanine. I even have my formerly feral cat on treats that contain it. I love it and take 100 mg in the morning and at night, the day goes better, and I sleep great
This is my first winter in a cold weather place, and of course, it is a year that set records for snow. Also, in the middle of winter, my most loving cat got cancer suddenly and died at the young age of 10. We recently moved across the country, where we have few friends, and we really relied on his sunny personality.
However, thanks to you, I planted tulips and daffodils in our small garden. My husband thought I was a little nuts to spend 40 bucks when we live in an apartment that we probably won’t be staying in for more than a couple of years, but I had to try it. They are starting to sprout, and even just seeing the little bit of green has given me so much hope. I tear up thinking about it.
I really enjoyed reading all the comments and your responses. This is such a special corner of the internet.
I am intrigued by the L-Theanine. I think I will dabble. Do you have a particular brand you like?
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat.
When the sharp little points of tulips and daffodils start poking up, it is THE BEST.
Whoops those were supposed to be happy things.
Okay, tv is back!
Scrubs has a reboot I’m enjoying
Malcolm in the middle also has a reboot dropping soon
Deadloch season 2 droppped just a few hours ago and it’s GREAT
And if yoh like the murder comedy thing. How to get to heaven from Belfast is great
Books- I haven’t read anything in the last week, but recently I read the third novel in the sister holiday series, which I discovered last year and are SO GOOD. Swistle I wouldn’t actually recommend for you unless you’re in the right mood because they can get intense, but it’s a nun who solves crimes and they’re beautifully written. I also recently reread like 18 animorphs books and those remain a treat. Also, The Great Believers was extraordinary.
I said this on Bluesky but if you ever want to talk meds I have done dozens meds from almost every class (short term and daily), ECT, TMS, and ketamine, and always happy to share my experiences.
I do love the sound of a nun solving crimes!
I am reading a different book by Rebecca Makkai RIGHT NOW!! It’s The 100-Year House. I am enjoying it. It did a thing I like, and then it did another thing I like. I also liked her book I Have Some Questions for You, though that was hard to read.
I liked that one a lot! I sprained my ankle quite badly coming off balance beam at adult gymnastics a week ago and haven’t left the house except to go to the ER/ortho and I’ve been very glad you’ve Created More Content for me…..but also I’m so mad at your stupid boss
Actually you know what random question I have? How do your kids get along with each other now? A long time ago I remember reading something about Robert and William not getting along super well
Oh, yes, this is an endlessly interesting topic to me. Things seem to ebb and flow over the years. I’d say the one relationship that always seems to go well is William and Elizabeth. Right now, Edward is not really getting along well with anyone, and we’re not sure quite why. Rob, too, will sometimes just sort of not be getting along well with any of his siblings.
Back when the kids were in that 5-13 sort of age range, Rob and William didn’t get along well, so we had each of them rooming with a younger sibling, instead of rooming together and having the two younger siblings room together. But then in…high school? I think? they started getting along better, and so we had a Bigger Kids room and a Younger Kids room. Then Edward and Henry started not getting along, so now William and Henry share a room, and Edward has a small room and usually doesn’t have to share it because Rob is so rarely here. William was NOTICEABLY happier when his siblings were home for spring break this month.
I wonder if it at some point you would write a reflection/post on “twinness” among older kids? As a follow-up to your twins-centered FAQs/writing from a shocklingly long time ago? Meaning: over all the years so far, have the twins had a different relationship with each other than with their other sibs? I know gender probably plays a major role in this situation, but am still really curious.
This is such an interesting question, and I don’t have as interesting an answer as I’d like to have. I feel like there are ways in which they are more alike/bonded because of being the same age, and because of growing up as “the twins.” But also it feels like I have always wanted them to be TWINNY, and they have declined to be twinny! But also-also, their differences feel more fun/funny because they are twins—like, because we might be looking for twinny qualities, their differences are even more marked, and in their own way even more pleasing. With two non-twin siblings, it’s not particularly surprising that they’re different; with twins, it feels like a delightful little contrast, like The Odd Couple or some other such humor-in-differences situation.
This is so interesting to me, having followed them for so long! How often do they see each other?
William lives with us, so he sees the three youngest whenever they are home on college breaks—and that’s the only time the youngest three see each other, too. (Twins go to the same school, but see each other only infrequently/fleetingly, like literally passing each other on a sidewalk.) Rob has come home for Christmas the last couple of years, but staying a significant amount of time, like over 3 weeks; he also comes home for an annual extended-family reunion each summer. I’m not sure if he will continue to do both of those trips, or to do them the same way (i.e., with extra time tacked on); he seems to be trying things out, to see what works.
I love salty snacks, the more artificially flavoured the better, so I am sure I’d love those Goldfish. They probably aren’t available here, but maybe that’s for the best.
Nicole I bought two more bags, and I suspect this was Unwise. I also bought a bag each of two other flavors: white cheddar, and salt-and-vinegar. I suspect the white cheddar will be only as compelling as, say, white cheddar popcorn (which I DO like very much, but I can control myself), but that that salt-and-vinegar might be as dangerous as the dill pickle.
Have y’all seen the Vlasic Dill Pickle Balls? Think cheese ball only dill pickle flavored. They also have a spicy version. I saw them in a gas station convenience store and immediately thought “I have to tell Swistle and friends!”.
https://www.vlasic.com/pickle-balls/pickle-balls
I really hope someone takes the pickle balls to their pickle ball match. I would find that hilarious. Pickle balls at the pickle ball.
I HAVE tried those, and like them too!
I can tell you right now my kids LOVE the salt and vinegar goldfish crackers!!! Will have to get them the dill ones…
Oh no I am deliciously doomed
Similar to what Lobster said, to lift myself out of a funk I have taken to thanking random strangers. Those strangers may think I am off my rocker. For example, when I was walking down the street in a town in Colorado, feeling bad because I was there for work and didn’t want to be there, I saw a man putting up a flag thingy advertising an art museum exhibit, so I said, “Thank you for supporting public art!” as I walked by. Don’t know what he thought, and don’t care.
My job complaint: I am thinking of retiring from my part-time job. My skills are no longer meeting the needs of the company. They have treated me well, but I feel sidelined and useless.
What a good idea. I like this idea of trying to spread some small happiness (compliments, thanks) when feeling bad oneself.
Oh, that is hard, to feel that way at your job. What a tough situation.
I have been very ill the past two summers (abdominal surgery, hospital stays, lost 65 lbs, couldn’t eat away from home because I threw up everything) and I didn’t put my bathing suit on even once!! I am doing much much better and I booked a beach trip and a few nights in a nice hotel with my bestie just to use the pool and get room service.
I think I’m going to try to buy a new bathing suit but the plus size options are ABYSMAL and the ones from 5 years ago that I have put away are probably better quality
❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry for these medical woes!! What a good idea to make up for some lost time!
My plan was to tell you my favorite plus-size swimsuit option (which I own in three plus-sizes and one non-plus size), in case it would work for you—but I just looked it up to get a link, and I’m NOT SEEING IT. What I WOULD HAVE recommended is the Lands’ End swim capris, with a tankini top. I feel genuinely, honestly cute, and also unselfconscious, like I can just WALK AROUND WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT MY BODY—which is REMARKABLE in my swimsuit-wearing experience. I am trying not to panic that I don’t see the swim capris on the Lands’ End website. Perhaps it is a glitch. I might have to go buy some back-ups on EBay.
I could write whole novels about work complaints, petty and otherwise, but will limit myself to one.
About a year ago, everyone at the institution where I am employed did a survey. As near as I can figure out, we were taking this survey so the institution could then brag about how their employees think it is a good place to work in one of those articles in say, Forbes, Fortune, or the like.
The survey did not yield the uniformly rosy results the institution was hoping for. As a result, our division leaders have had to spend a lot of time writing up a communication plan about they are going to fix the things that people did not give the desired survey responses for. And then we will have to take the survey again in the near future. This all feels a little ridiculous given that the survey was more a year ago and no one in my little office really even remembers the specific survey questions anymore or what we might have said. One of the bad survey data points involves the lack of communication from division leaders. .
A happy thing: like some other people, we have a trip planned, for late May! (I am selfishly hoping that geopolitics will not make us cancel it or change plans). We are going to Norway! And we are going on a short trip by boat, er, ship! It’s really more of a fancy ferry ride but we’ll be on board three days/two nights. I have never slept on a ship before and am looking forward to this. This little part of our trip (we’re doing other things besides the fancy ferry ride) is something that apparently “cruise people” are highly divided on, because the ship is quite comparatively small and there aren’t as many organized activities. Mostly, I think, you just sit on the deck and watch the Norwegian coastline go by! I am thinking about zoning out to the coastal scenery a lot these days as I try to process work stress and the horrors, and so forth.
❤️❤️❤️
That trip sounds lovely, and how fun to get involved in some Cruise Controversy!! I think “sitting on the deck and watching the coastline go by” would honestly be my favorite part of a cruise anyway, especially if I can have an umbrella drink and a book.
It sounds like management is more invested in getting the results they wanted than in actually improving things—teaching to the test, as it were. What a pain.
Blessings to internet anonymity so I can say here, hoping it’s not too gauche: My happy thing is that I have recently (within the last 7 months) acquired a boyfriend. And I know according to Vogue it’s embarrassing now, and a lot of the social media I consume is women leaving situations with men that have been low-grade shitty to them for a long long time, so I feel conflicted about it in a broader sense.
But I’m 37, and I’ve been single for 15 years, and this is the first time I’m dating someone I feel like is already a whole person with his shit together and is not looking to me to fix or smooth his life. My daughter is 19 and in college so I’m parenting actively, but not daily, if that makes sense. And I wasn’t looking for a relationship, it just happened, so it feels like I’m getting a very unexpected but delightful do-over.
❤️❤️❤️
Happy for you!
This is just wonderful, and I am so happy for you.
I started a new job last year and I veer between ‘so busy and stressed I need some sort of coping mechanism like pulling out my own eyebrows’ and ‘soul crushingly meeeeeeehh depressed about the next bleak update that’s coming my way’ with a healthy dose of cynicism. But it’s a job with good benefits and I don’t have to travel to the office much and I am paid well. So it feels impossible to leave…
Little moments of happiness: trees in perfect impossibly pink blossom. Magnolias coming next! A few sunny blue sky days this week. Therapy dog. (I mean, officially he’s just a v badly behaved small cuddly dog but he’s ABSOLUTELY my therapy dog). I’m going to make adorable little Easter baskets for my nieces with cardboard pretty eggs that pull apart, filled with cute little sweet treats. OH and a new spring baby to cuddle (and hand back again) next month!
The pink-blossom stage of spring is one of the absolute best. And the magnolias! Every year I can’t believe those trees actually exist.
Ug, the job. Jobs are such a huge part of our life, and when they’re not great it has a huge impact.
I was telling my therapist about my work spirals keeping me up in the night and she suggested the Cognitive Shuffle technique to help my brain turn off. (Choose a fairly short word, like ‘lake’, and think of all the words that start with L, then A …) It’s been working this week. I’m usually back asleep by the 3rd or 4th letter. But I discovered that choosing words with double letters will wake me up further. Like ‘poop’ is not a good word choice, despite it being the first word that came to mind. :)
Adding this idea to the list!
I do different variations on this too! Like think of a gymnast for each letter of the alphabet
My happy thing-
Today I had my third (minor) surgery in less than three months (I’ve also been to the hospital multiple times in between to check in on various aspects of my problems) and I knew so many hospital workers’ names and which exact departments they work in that I was asked if I worked there myself. It gave me my giggle for the day. No, I don’t work here, it’s just starting to feel like my second home!
Also, this surgery was successful and I shouldn’t have to go back. Yay.
Great news about the surgery success, and I hope it marks the end of this medical journey for you! I know it was for less than ideal reasons, but how fun to get to know so many people. I love behind-the-scenes knowledge like that.
Here’s a bad thing : my boyfriend has started a new job, and it’s not going well. They recruited him, a not-very-experienced person, for a quite-fancy, needs-experience position. He saw this at the time ; he asked them about it ; they told him it would be fine and hired him anyway. Now it looks like they’re not happy with this. Nothing is dire yet (he’s not fired for now, and even if he were we would manage), but I’m sad for him and worried about the way this situation will unfold.
Some good things : it is sunny again! This weekend we’re celebrating 4 years together by staying in a adorable little cabin and eating cheese! We’re getting married this year! We made homemade cookies and homemade lava cakes that we froze and can now eat whenever we like!
There are few things better than a little freezer stash of treats! In our early days, Paul and I would have frozen chocolate-chip-cookie-dough balls in the freezer; we’d put two (actually four) on a cookie sheet as we were cooking dinner, and by after dinner they’d be thawed, and we’d bake them and have fresh cookies for dessert. I don’t know why we stopped doing that. We should go back to doing that.
I’m sorry about the boyfriend’s job. It feels particularly unjust that he was SO forthcoming with them, and they pushed it through, and now they’re changing on it.
My happy thing starts with a very not-happy thing. My oldest son, who is Henry’s age, went off to his first semester at a smarty-pants engineering school and seemed to be doing quite well. Until he wasn’t, and I found out that he’d been struggling for months and only let me know when it was far too late to do anything. Found out via an email on New Years’ Eve that it was worse than he’d thought and his university cordially invited him to take a semester off and get his schmidt together. And also, you need to get your things out of the dorm in the next 7 days. Sigh.
But (this is the happy thing)! He has been home this semester and taking a couple classes at the well-regarded community college. He’s also decided that university isn’t for him right now and is enrolling in trade school to get his welding certification. We found a pre-apprenticeship program that will give him some experience in different trades and fill the gap until the apprenticeship he thinks he wants opens up (the union does it annually). His mental health is stable and he’s actually starting to use the tools and tricks to keep himself on track. After several months of worry and stress and heartbreak (for all of us), He feels like he has a good plan and is being successful. I’m ridiculously proud of him for managing to come through a crisis and pivot into something new that feels right for him.
This is SUCH GOOD NEWS.
YAY!!! I love that he has found a way forward both mentally and track-wise!!! (And welding is just *such* a solid job, too; we always need people who can weld things; it is robust against offshoring and AI can’t touch it, and this is a lovely thing!)
My complaint: My husband and an acquaintance (male) both saw the new family practice doctor at the office we all go to (my old doc retired) and gave her glowing reviews. She listened to them, she was very involved in helping them choose their health plans, etc. And then I HAD A TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. I waited in the exam room for over an hour, she ordered the wrong labs so the blood I gave the week before so we couldn’t discuss the ONE THING I was worried about, she was condescending and nitpicky (for example Me: “Yes, I try to eat a fruit or veg with every meal” her: “Make sure it’s in-season fruits and veggies!”) and did NOT LISTEN TO ME. I felt like I was talking to a wall and I feel like it’s because I’m a middle aged woman and it’s INFURIATING! I am telling you Swistle because I think that you/fellow commenters will understand this frustration.
When the anxiety makes it hard for me to sleep I have “sleep scenes” that I imagine–one of my favorites is closing my eyes and pretending that I am with Merry and Pippin sleeping in the Ent woods, with the stream trickling beside me and a roof of old strong trees, safe and protected by the Ents. Or I might imagine that I’m an officer on the Enterprise in my cabin with a view of the stars and my a/c and fan are the sounds of the engine and life support systems and I did a good job at being a star fleet officer that day. It doesn’t always work but it does often enough that I like suggesting it.
It is fun to think about what sleep scenes I might choose. And “and I did a good job at being a star fleet officer that day” is adorable.
What an extremely frustrating medical experience. I just hate this for all of us.
1) Audiobooks on low volume are how I turn off brain noise and go to sleep. Something interesting enough to stop my mind from wandering, but not so riveting it keeps me awake. I most often Hidden Brain for this purpose.
2) My daughter was just offered a university co-op work term in New Zealand this fall! I’m looking at flights and lodging options, and will be going with her for a couple of weeks to get her settled and see the country!
Just logging on to say that Nicoloe Boyhouse (HI NICOLE) and you have got THE BEST comment sections EVER. I simply love both of your communities.
Late to this, but my happy thing is a new baby! He’s due in 2 weeks, and I have an almost 4 yo who so far is excited to be a big brother (and has very strong opinions about baby names). Makes for an exciting spring!
Oh how wonderful!!