One of the things keeping me from quitting my library job is anxiety about what to do next. I hate applying for jobs; I hate trying to figure out what even I want to apply for; I hate being new at a job; I hate that whole time of feeling slow and not very useful, and not knowing my coworkers yet. There’s a post on Twitter/Bluesky that’s like “Being new at a job is so embarrassing for no reason,” and I went to find it so I could give credit, and it turns out it is one of those posts many, many people have made.
I am worried that I will get a new job and again face issues with a manager. Isn’t it interesting how many bad managers there are? I wonder why there are so many. And why they get paid so much to make other people unhappy.
I am worried that it’s not the managers, it’s me. When you have bad manager after bad manager, it starts to seem like maybe it’s not the managers. But also: I’ve always worked entry-level jobs with no education/experience needed, and I think those jobs tend to have bad managers. And also: not all my managers have been bad.
I’m worried I won’t get a new job. I’ll be bored, and listless, and I won’t do anything even though I know it would make me feel better to do something. The current political situation has me already hip-deep in despair; the sudden loss of a regular scheduled time for productivity and physical activity and a little social contact seems like a bad idea.
I’m worried about the money. Because I stayed home with the kids, all of our household’s finances (house, cars, bills) are set up for what we could afford on Paul’s income alone, so we will not be in financial crisis if I quit. And because I work part-time entry-level jobs with no education/experience needed, my pay is not much. But my income was nice for breathing room, and for sending impulsive donations, and for soothing my anxiety about money overall. I can get a new job that does all those same things, but there will be a gap. And I am worried I will not GET a new job, either because I won’t take action or because no one will hire me.
I am trying not to let all these anxieties stop me from leaving a bad situation. It is a bad situation, and deserves leaving, even if there is no good situation waiting. The manager is a bad manager, and deserves leaving, even if the next manager is also bad. It is valid and sensible to wonder if a situation might be “Out of the frying pan, into the fire”—but that doesn’t make “staying in the frying pan” a viable option.
I need to get past the feeling that I should stay with the job because I shouldn’t have let a bad manager ruin it for me. It HAS been ruined for me. It shouldn’t have been, but it still has been. Earlier in this post, I call my time there “a time for productivity and physical activity and a little social contact”—but these days, when I am there, it is ACTUALLY a time of stress and aversion and agitation; and when I’m home and supposed to be resting, I’m thinking over the stressful things that happened, and trying to change reality with my mind (“I should have said THIS”).
I also need to get past the idea that I can’t leave because my bad supervisor will be happy and will feel as if she’s won. She likely WILL feel those things; there is a sense in which she HAS IN FACT won. She got me to leave, and my departure WILL make her happier. But that doesn’t mean I need to stay and be unhappy. And my coworkers will not feel happy that I am leaving, and my departure will make them less happy with the supervisor, so if I WERE going to dwell on People’s Feelings About My Actions, not that I SHOULD, then maybe People’s Feelings balance out. And also, my supervisor may feel happy, but my absence will make her life more difficult, because she is not good at scheduling or at planning ahead, so she is going to have a serious and rapidly-accumulating shelving situation to deal with. She says anyone can shelve, and she’ll get to see if that theory checks out!
And I hope you already know I know/feel this, but I don’t want to downplay the immense privilege it is to be hand-wringing over all this. Many people are in work situations much worse than mine, and don’t have the ability to just leave—or can’t leave until they have something else lined up, and nothing else is lining up. I am going to try to focus on how nice it is to be able to make this decision in a relatively low-stakes way. It still feels bad, and I am still unhappy about it, but I am not truly stuck, and I have the ability to make the choice, and that is a very lucky thing, and I know it.
“I’ll be bored, and listless, and I won’t do anything even though I know it would make me feel better to do something.”
I worry about this, too. Especially when I feel like spending some money might help lead to more activity and more feeling better but, of course, when I’m not working, there’s less money.
Do not let thoughts of what “might be” obscure “what is.” You’re in an untenable situation. One thing is true – it’s easier to look for a job when you’re not exhausted from the one you have. Since you do have the financial ability to quit, do so when you’re ready regardless of whether you have something else lined up. Instead of looking for something new, you’re spending time going over what happened/what you could have done differently. If you don’t find a new job right away, is there some volunteer activity you can do that will keep you busy/give you socialization? Maybe something that will help you feel like you’re contributing to help change the current political situation? You’ve mentioned loving mail and postcards, is there a political campaign you could write postcards to potential voters? ( I realize that’s low on social interaction but maybe it makes up for that in another way?) Instead of thinking about your terrible manager and untenable work situation, wouldn’t it be a refreshing change to think about somewhere you could work/volunteer? Just trying to offer a reframe that will make the situation seem more tolerable.
You would be very good at intake positions in healthcare. I’m thinking of the person who does the preliminary tests at the optometrist’s office, the person who logs in the patients at a children’s clinic, or any diagnostic or surgery center. Those are always entry level but they need people who are good at handling people in that gentle but :brisk clap: manner that you have. Bonus is a lot if these places let you wear comfy scrubs. You could start looking now and if you don’t want to job hunt while unemployed (there is nothing easy about job hunting ever, but I feel like it would be satisfying to flounce out of the library job if you had a new one to go to).
I will say this — I’m out here trying to find a job and this is the absolute worst job market I have ever seen. That’s not to say that you should stay in a toxic environment, particularly since it sounds like you will be ok financially if you leave your job. But just be prepared for the fact that it might take you longer to find something new than it has in the past.
If you do decide to leave, maybe you can counter the “she’s winning” thoughts with scenarios of how satisfying it will be to nope out of there when everyone knows it is the bad manager’s fault. :)
Oh boy this brought me back to the last time I quit because a bad manager did her level best to force me out. On top of being a bad manager and a bad person in general, she decided she hated me and doubled down on her badness. It was an independent small business with no HR, and the owner liked her despite all evidence to the contrary. So I quit and spent a few unemployed months bumbling around and ended up with a part time job that I love. I spent 11 years at one place and then moved states and have been 7 years at another. There have been annoying people but no evil people and I count myself lucky. But yeah it’s been 18 years and I still hate that person. I mostly don’t think of her but when I do it feels fresh. I don’t envy what you’re going through but I do believe that you will find something!
This sounds SO SIMILAR to the manager situation I am dealing with!! And your post-quit future is the “What if everything is okay?” outcome I am most hoping for, so this is very nice to hear!
A friend’s mom recently got a job at an elementary school. Maybe that is something that could be investigated. She is working at a school associated with a church. The job is PT, she passed cks and reads books to the kids and helps them check out books.
I used to have a job I liked very much and was very good at. And then a change was made that wasn’t because of me, but did result in me effectively losing the day-to-day aspects I enjoyed. To boot, I had thought I’d had a great relationship with my manager, but he was the one who tossed me under the bus (he would not say he did this, that I’m exaggerating, but the person under the bus is the one who gets to decide these things.) I was miserable and KNEW I had to leave, but was scared for all the same reasons you listed here. I had some fantastic cheerleaders who jumped in immediately to help. I had a new job in less that 2 months, and it’ll be 2 years next month since the change. And you know what? I like this job even more than my old one, and I’m even better at it. I’m also making significantly more money, and my manager is a fantastic LADY. Just leave, lady. You’ll be fine.
This is a VERY ENCOURAGING story, and I love the part about how the person under the bus is the one who gets to decide these things.
Echoing Hilary, my husband just went through a job search after a layoff and wow – it’s rough out there. He had to be interviewed by AI Bots more than once which is some kind of new dystopian hell – and finally landed a 6 month contract at half his previous pay and we are joyous about it. Wild times!
But I don’t think that is the kind of job you are looking for and it’s great that you can take some time to find what you like – I do just hate that the people who are bad at their jobs win and stay on and those of who can’t bear to work with them have to move on…
That last part is one of my all-time BIGGEST frustrations. This adulting business. No one said “your life will be weighing which is actually the lesser of two evils about 85% of the time. The extra 15% will be preparing food for picky eaters!” This leaves out the blooming LAUNDRY.
I have a lot of the same worries about job hunting, even though I am not leaving a job exactly. I work for my sister’s copywriting business and because she’s lost so much business to AI, she has told me she may have to cut my (already part-time) hours. I have known this for months, but I just can’t figure out what I could do to replace that income. I’m in my late fifties and not interested in starting a whole new career. And when my wife retired, that decision was based on the idea I would keep working for another 5-6 years. The only job I have applied for is (somewhat ironically) at a public library, to be a substitute at the circulation desk.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is not fair that a terrible person has made it her purpose to make you unhappy and uncomfortable.
I agree that you would be a great fit in a healthcare-oriented front-facing job as a previous commenter suggested. I work in a children’s hospital, and there are quite a few of those jobs in different areas of the hospital.
Another idea is your local election office, if there is one nearby. A lot of things are done by volunteers, but there are full and part time employees that work year round as well. That might also help with the angst about the world, as you would be helping out on the side of democracy. That sounds very dramatic, but oh well.
Re: “I’ll be bored, and listless, and I won’t do anything even though I know it would make me feel better to do something.”
Maybe it would help to make a deal with yourself? like “If I don’t have a new job by X date, I’m going to start volunteering a few times a week.”
I need to check my vision and my own anxiety because at first I thought the title of this post was “Anxieties about Quilting” and I thought, yup, that tracks for 2026. Reading the title correctly doesn’t change our collective anxiety, but at least it’s not about needlework.
I can’t offer any advice, other than to say I have been thinking of quitting my job and have some of the same fears you have. My situation is different in that my boss is the best; it is my own feeling that my skills are no longer equal to the job tasks, plus that my husband will be retiring soon, that make me want to quit. But I love getting a paycheck (mine situation there is similar to yours) and I don’t know what other job would want me. So for now, I keep plugging along.
I’m sorry; that’s really rough. It *is* a lot trickier out there right now to find new full-time jobs; it may well be less so for finding part-time jobs?
Have you thought about being a school district substitute? Your state probably has less-low credential standards than, uh, some states, but Instructional Assistant posts or our-school-secretary-is-out-sick posts sometimes do not require much credentialing (aside from background checks).
Or if you can set up a once-a-week volunteer Thing (socialize kittens! do shelving at local elementary school library! storytime! go chat with a couple of elderly people at a nursing home whose families are not local and who really want human contact! volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen!) then maybe the job-finding bridge will be easier and there will be less weight on it? And also you would be helping the world and civil society, one drop-in-the-bucket at a time, which is good in itself but also sometimes helps our sense of the world and ourselves be a bit more clear?
I wish things were better.
You don’t have to apologize! Remember your own tag line (which I love and think of from time to time in my own life): “ I acknowledge my luckiness, without giving up my claim to the suckiness.” It sounds like a good job has devolved into a bad-for-you job and if you’re in a position to leave, leave!
I am just so indignant on your behalf. One of the reasons this is so irritating is because it does not have to be like this. I used to be a public librarian and the only thing I really disliked about it was that some of the staff made it their mission to make it so COMPLICATED. Public library work is not always EASY (there are patrons with asinine requests, there are people who still think a public library should be silent at 3:30pm on a Tuesday despite there being a roomful of children, there are people who think your job is to babysit, there are a million moving parts to a library so I can go on), but the idea behind it is SIMPLE. People need books, computers, movies, and other resources. We have those resources. We arrange them in a way that people can hopefully find them and lend them out for free. Everyone’s entire job is to facilitate that process. Yet there is some percentage of every library staff who thinks their actual job is to gate-keep or micromanage or otherwise inhibit this process. And, depending on how much supervisory power those people have it can really make everything so difficult.
So, I’m so sorry that what used to be an enjoyable job for you has been ruined by what sounds to me like a manager intent on making library work more complicated than it needs to be. All I will say is that when I decided to leave my library job I was tied up in knots about it for weeks. But, after I pulled the trigger I was practically euphoric with relief. If you’ve decided that this is enough and you must move on, I hope the anxiety you feel about quitting will similarly provide you with a wave of relief that you can ride into your next endeavor.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Even if quitting is the right choice, it sucks when it’s a job you used to enjoy.
This might be a long shot, but could you ask HR about transferring to a different library in the system? It might not be an option, but if you’re planning to quit otherwise, you’d have nothing to lose by asking. They might at least be able to put you in contact with somebody at a different library, so you’ll be a familiar face next time they’re hiring.
Otherwise, have you looked into office admin work? I think you’d enjoy it, and a lot of those jobs are entry-level or require similar experience to what you have. My job isn’t exactly admin but it involves a lot of admin-adjacent tasks, and my library experience has been a big plus (both in terms of getting hired and learning how to do the job). I will say that a lot of those jobs involve answering the phone, but not always.
I realize this goes against what others have said, but the best time to look for a job is WHILE you have a job. For me, it’s also a mental game. “Sure, I’ll go work my stupid job with you stupid people, but in my free time I am trying to GET OUT OF HERE!” I wish you the best on this search. Bad managers are just the worst, as are companies who allow it.
Exactly what I thought. You’re in a great position to look for another job: you currently *have* a job, so you’re not desperate, which somehow always helps in finding a new one. At the same time, it will reduce the time you spend thinking about the stupidities of your current manager, because anytime that pops up in your head you can redirect to thinking about other jobs you’re applying to (knowing that you can also quit even if you don’t find something else). Win-win-win!
“trying to change reality with my mind ” OMG are you inside my head?? It’s easier than actually changing actual reality, though, which is part of why I do it. It’s rehearsal. I hope you find resolution in actual reality soon.
Have you looked around on job boards at what positions are currently available that you might like to take? You could even apply and imagine it’s just for fun, to see what happens. Knowing of other options is always interesting (I check sometimes and I LIKE my current job) but if you spotted something exciting it might make your decision easy:) Or there might be a terrifying amount of nothing and that might make it easier, too (if no so much fun).
Ugh. I get it. I left a job teaching yoga at a prestigious studio because the owner was just…well, he wasn’t TERRIBLE. But he was this awful micromanager and he was constantly texting me to remind me to run the Roomba OR to not teach a posture a certain way. Then I discovered he was asking longtime students very detailed questions about my teaching style. Still, I was reluctant to leave. It was a studio job! I had a nice student base! But finally enough was enough and I left. I was worried that it would leave this huge gap in my schedule but it turned out that other studios hired me for those time slots and you know what, it was FINE. It was better than fine! I could teach classes without being investigated for using a forward fold in a particular way. Behind my back. And also I did not have anyone helpfully reminding me to empty the Roomba (I NEVER FORGOT BUT SOMEHOW, GOT THOSE TEXTS WEEKLY)
Anyway. I understand not wanting to leave because what if you never find another job, but the reality is that you WILL. And yes, there is always a learning curve with a new position, but it will be better than this situation, bet on it. xoxoxo
My manager ALSO frequently reminds me to do things I never forget to do!! WHAT IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE
I quit a misery-inducing job without another lined up, and I filled my time with various interesting projects. During the lonely and listless moments, I asked myself if I would rather be at the demoralizing, soul-sucking Job from Hell, and the answer was *always* no. I still resent the director, who drove every single staff member from the team but AFAIK is still sitting pretty in a leadership role. But alas, life.
I know you like the walkability, but I’m curious if the Library in your city has other branches that you could work at? The reason I ask is that I have been in a very similar situation to you for the last year and a half, and I am in a similar phase of life. I finally made the decision to prioritize my peace, and was able to take a vacancy within our district. So I’m working for the same employer, but new location and supervisor. I have sure appreciated you sharing everything, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone and I have gone through a lot of the same painful situations that you have. I hope that you let yourself drop anything else besides prioritizing your peace and health – and find something else, or nothing at all. Nothing at all would be preferable to being in an unhealthy work situation!
I don’t know if it will help with the dithering, but try to remember you don’t always have choices you like. Staying at the job and having it go back to the way it used to be is clearly not one of your choices right now. And I know you don’t believe that it is, but sometimes it helps to be able to cross that off your list mentally and just look at what’s in front of you. You have been too miserable for too long to think staying put is a good choice, so you make the best of the better choice even if it isn’t perfect. If that makes sense.
All I have to say is that wherever you end up will be lucky to have you. I hope you find the right thing with a minimum of fuss, delay, and stress.
At my first office workplace, I stayed there for 17 long years in a couple different jobs, working with basically the same people, with two different bosses. I had lots of good experiences and quite a few bad ones. Towards the end it was getting REALLY bad. My boss initially loved me and was fabulous. This was a lady who had supported me hugely, e.g. she’d gotten me to talk when my mother had died and helped me to cry about it and had supported me SO much about it.
I still loved her. Towards the end there were problems with my team and I wasn’t handling them the way she wanted me to. I wasn’t as tough on them as she wanted me to be. This was messing up my self-esteem massively – I am a people-pleaser and a wuss generally, and she’d gotten harder on people (another team leader under her, one of my bffs there, concurred about this).
In spite of my complete lack of confidence, I ended up leaving there and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
11 years later, I’ve worked in a couple different places, both managing people and not managing people, and I have much more confidence. I’ve worked with managers who have supported the way that I manage people. I have had encouragement about my style, about how I can say what needs to be said to a person and enforce the rules while still being soft and being friendly to people and not letting people get away with misbehaving. I have been through that horrible new person feeling and have reinforced in myself that ye gods it SUCKS but I am capable of learning even though I’m not in my 20s any more (please note I’m not saying that YOU need to learn that you can learn! I’m just saying I needed to learn that *I* can learn). I also didn’t burn any bridges with that boss when I left that place, and she was willing to be a referee for me, so who knows.
Anyway.
My suggestions, and I’m sorry for how long this is already! I think you have every right to be upset about what you’re going through – yes, things could be worse for you, and I’m glad you’re OK financially, but things could always be worse and your situation is more than sucky enough. You should be proud of yourself that you’ve taken such clear headed, courageous, assertive action to try to improve your situation, because that shit ain’t easy.
I think you should set yourself a target of whatever seems manageable (4 weeks? 3 months?) to stay there and apply for other jobs, and if you don’t get another job by then, just quit, but take up a volunteer position somewhere – I bet there’s an elementary school or a hospital that’d happily take you for a few hours a week. Sundry is doing some stuff that you might enjoy? I’m in Australia so it’d be a bit of a commute, but the hospital near me has a volunteer program for people to help guide visitors around, maybe one near you does similar? I’m sure you have a good handle on stuff like that.
I think you should quit with a polite letter along the lines of what other people have suggested, “My last day will be XXX. As advised, I find myself unable to work here currently. Should the situation change, please let me know, as I would be open to returning in the future. Thank you for your consideration.”
I also think that she doesn’t win a damn thing by you leaving. She wins if you stay and you make yourself endure this pain. She’s invited you to the pain party. You don’t have to RSVP. <3
Check out your area community college for part time work! Working in higher ed has been the sweet spot for me as a former library professional. I don’t work in the library at the college, but in an office where I can interact with colleauges and learners. I love it.
Not for nothing are there so many fictional depictions of bad managers, of the skeezy 20 year old telling workers “time to lean, time to clean”. It is THEM and not YOU. I recently had to leave my part time job of almost four years because of bad management/ownership and it is the first time in like 15 years that I haven’t had a second job. I really like having the time but I hate not having the money and I hate being so nervous about not having a job. I have a strict policy of finding one thing to like about everyone I work with/for, and usually I can, but if someone is gunning for me, that’s an impossible situation! If it were me, I’d leave and not look back. The good thing about having a job like you/I have is that there are a ton of them. You can find something that has the good things you are looking for and none of the bad ones.
I had a challenging situation with a manager and was actively job searching, but what helped me manage in the interim was something called the grey rock technique, which is the complete opposite of my people pleasing connection focused self. It’s essentially psychological technique giving a narcissist nothing to feed off in your interactions. It didn’t make everything better but was something I could focus on and feel in control of while I waited for next steps to become clear- almost a game to play in every meeting. Not sure if this is helpful while you decide on what is next for you.
I cannot believe the library is about to lose Swistle – SWISTLE – because of this bad manager and the people above her who are too slow to fix this. You are a gem and any place would be lucky to have you and it is wild that instead of appreciating that, this woman is driving your moral into the ground. Ugh!
I initially wanted to suggest that you try to use your job ruminating time to apply for other jobs, trying to reduce the rumination and decrease the chances of a between jobs emotional slump. But you clearly know that the time to leave is now. (But even if you know it and aren’t yet ready to act on it, maybe applying can help build up the motivation to leave?). If I were choosing for you based on what you have said, we would write the letter and hand it in on your next day. You can win by giving yourself freedom.
A commenter on Captain Awkward once used the analogy of getting out of a cooling bath that I think is brilliant. The longer you sit in a cooling bath, the worse it gets. And getting out is worse! But as soon as you do, you can wrap up in a warm towel and dry off and get on warm pajamas and it’s over and so much better. So I hope you can get out of this cooling bad manager bath very soon and find an excellent towel of volunteer work you find meaningful and then some pajamas of a new job. I’ve made it a little weird, but I think you know what I mean.
Would you like an animal shelter? A part time preschool?
I don’t know if it will make you feel any better to know
You have helped me immensely with a similar situation I’m navigating, though not work related but family related. The feelings are EXACTLY the same and I have decided it’s healthier for me to quit.
Walk away and enjoy it on behalf of everyone who can’t.