I have so many things to say.

FIRST, on the post about what to do with leftover cards, velocibadgergirl commented that she and a friend SWAPPED their leftovers, so then they both had new cards to send! Isn’t that a great idea??

SECOND, I am feeling my annual Mood Swings Before Christmas. Yesterday morning I was so high I wondered if I should perhaps be concerned. I think it was happiness after spending time with some of my favorite people this past weekend, combined with exhilaration over a couple of gift decisions and the ordering of them, combined with satisfaction about being on schedule but ALSO the slight stress of having more to do. Anyway, I felt GREAT.

And then yesterday evening, the inevitable crash. I was working on Christmas cards, and I just…deflated. I felt like the house was falling apart while I tried to keep up with rituals that suddenly seemed pointless; I felt in advance the post-Christmas blues where suddenly nothing is special anymore AND there’s a backlog of chores. I felt like as usual I was doing EVERYTHING and Paul was doing NOTHING, AND as if that were my own fault for (1) not asking him to and (2) not really actually wanting him to, because I am happier if I feel low-level resentment, and this made me feel like I am a hard person to live with and it’s so frustrating to be halfway through life but to have made so little progress on Personal Growth. I felt responsible for the impossible task of making the children’s Christmas a happy one. I felt like no one ever listens to me and I have to constantly tell people to do even the most basic things such as taking their OWN clothes out of the bathroom after a shower, or picking up something if they knock it to the floor. I felt like I couldn’t sit at my dining room table and work on cards ON BEHALF OF THE WHOLE FAMILY without that same whole family bothering/interrupting me every 5 seconds. I felt like I was failing at doing Christmas activities with them, AND failing to keep up with the baby name blog, AND failing to do all the gift idea posts I’d intended to do on this blog. (If you click the “gift ideas” category, which I now can’t find in the margin, SIGH ANOTHER FAILURE, you can at least get PREVIOUS years’ ideas, but not sorted or anything, you’ll just have to slog through pages of them.) Also I still haven’t chosen a salt winner OR updated on the red mixer and AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Well. It was not good. But I think this happens every year, because I feel like I recognize these complaints and exhilarations. Going to sleep helped a little bit last night, and this morning I have eggnog in my coffee. (The trick is to use quite a bit—like, 1/5th of the mug should be eggnog. And heat it up a little in the microwave first, so that it doesn’t cool the coffee too much.)

HERE IS MY QUESTION: What do you do with your leftover holiday cards? I mean, not if you get them custom printed with photos and the year right on it. In that case, presumably you save them forever because they are useless and yet also too good to throw out. What I mean is if you use boxed cards, where you bought 5 boxes of 10 cards but you needed 47 cards, or you bought 5 boxes of 20 cards but you needed 91 cards, or you bought one box of 16 cards but you needed 12 cards. Here is what I do with the extra cards from previous years:

1. Use them to save me when I accidentally have too FEW cards (bought 5 boxes of 10 cards but needed 53 cards)

2. Use them for teachers, mail carriers

3. Theoretically but not actually: use them for new additions to the card list

4. Actually: save them year after year in the Christmas card box, getting increasingly weird about not wanting to “use them up”

I was thinking what I OUGHT to do is periodically have a Leftover Cards Year when I send out NOTHING BUT LEFTOVERS. Most recipients would end up with cards they’d received in previous years, but (1) would they notice? and (2) would they care? If I got the same card two years in a row, I think I’d think vaguely, “Oh, that card looks familiar—I wonder if I got it from someone else?” It would have to be Quite Distinctive for me to notice. (The third year, I might notice.) And if I DID notice, I think I’d think, “Ah: the leftover card issue.”

This is my favorite post to work on of the WHOLE YEAR.

I buy five wall calendars each year: one for the kitchen (the main one where I write appointments and so forth); one for next to my desk (for all blog/computer-related stuff); and one for each of the three kid rooms.

I’ve bought one calendar already:

Pusheen the Cat calendar. I bought this back in MAY, which is completely atypical (I usually don’t even THINK of ordering anything until I’m working on this post in December), but Pusheen is so huge at our house I KNEW we’d want one and I was worried it might sell out. This might be the kitchen/family/main calendar this year, because I know it’s one we’ll all like, and because I think there might be fighting if I try to choose which kid room gets it.

Lunar calendar. This glows in the dark, which seems especially nice for a kid room—and they don’t write on their calendars, so it doesn’t matter that the background is black. (A reviewer remarked that you CAN write on it with silver Sharpie marker.)

Pocket Pigs calendar. Two strong selling points: the review I THOUGHT said “Good quality pigs” (it actually said “Good quality, lovely pigs”—meaning presumably that the calendar is of good quality, not the pigs) and the words “pocket pigs.”

Hedgehogs calendar. HEDGEHOGS.

Hyperbole and a Half calendar. I loved this book so much that when I saw there was a CALENDAR I thought “That’s it: office calendar decided.” But when I looked at the sample pages and considered having each of them up for a full month, I thought maybe I’d rather re-read the book.

The Mathematics calendar. I bought this for Paul as usual. It has a math problem on each day. He takes the calendar to work and he and his geek friends work on it.

Farmer’s Market calendar. I had this one for 2014. A very satisfying calendar. I’m thinking of framing some of the pages.

David Olenick calendar. I like it! It has the “I’m not sure I want to experience the same joke for a whole month” issue, but the kids might like that.

Treehouses of the World calendar. This one tempts me every year.

Wild Bird Woodcuts calendar. I like this one, maybe for the kitchen or maybe for my office (Elizabeth, looking at the shelf of knickknacks on my desk shelf: “What’s with all your…BIRD stuff?”).

Art of Andy Warhol calendar.

Caterpillar calendar. This makes me feel a little sentimental about Toddler Rob, who lovvvvved construction vehicles.

Zoo Portraits calendar. I love it. This is a finalist for me.

Animal Portraits calendar. This one too.

This is London calendar. This is another I consider every year, along with This is Paris, This is New York, and now This is Australia.

Lotta Jansdotter calendar. Finalist for next to my desk. The last two years I’ve had a vintage wallpaper calendar, and this seems similar.

Clueless calendar. TEMPTING.

Classic Bicycles calendar.

World Travel Vintage Poster calendar.

American Cities Vintage Posters calendar.

Things Come Apart calendar. This would be great for one of the kid rooms.

The Colors of Fashion calendar. I am not even what I’d call INTERESTED in fashion, and yet I think this would be fun to look at.

New Yorker Covers calendar. Finalist for kitchen or desk.

Rob Ryan calendar. I like the papercuts very much, but the sayings are not my style.

Flower Recipe calendar. A clever and pleasing concept.

Tiffany calendar. So pretty.

Cats in Sweaters calendar. Elizabeth will want this one, I’ll bet.

Maddie on Things calendar.

Hieronymus Bosch calendar. WHAT AM I EVEN LOOKING AT.

A Fishing Lure Every Day calendar. A fishing lure EVERY DAY.

Dena calendar. Oh, wow, that is FANCY. It doesn’t have enough writing room to be the kitchen calendar, but definitely a possibility for my desk.

Fruit Crate Labels calendar. This is the kind of decor I have in the kitchen, so it would go well. On the other hand, because this is the kind of decor I have in the kitchen, it might feel a little boring.

1950s Patterns calendar. This is so similar to the wallpaper calendar I’ve had two years in a row, I’m not sure I want to do it—but these are so exactly the kinds of patterns I like, and THIS year’s wallpaper calendar was a bit of a disappointment so I feel this would be an opportunity for a redo.

Mid-Century Modern Wallpaper calendar. Another option.

Historic San Francisco calendar. I saw these historic calendars for a BUNCH of places.

Foxes calendar. I still love foxes.

Vintage Postcards calendar. I also still love postcards.

Maisy calendar. Oh, Maisy! I miss Maisy!

Minecraft calendar. We had one last year and it was popular; if I remember correctly, we had to flip a coin to decide which kid room got to have it. Maybe this year we could do it for another kid room.

********
And as always, I am interested to know what calendar YOU are choosing for 2015, if you still use a calendar and get to choose it!

My sister-in-law and my sister-in-law-in-law and I like to go to a Holiday Performance each December: a concert or a musical or a play or the Rockettes or something. Last year I saw my sister-in-law’s great holly-leaf/berry earrings and realized that I needed Christmas earrings, so over the past year I’ve been working on that. First I bought these:

It’s so hard to tell size from a picture, isn’t it? And then it’s hard to describe it: one person’s “small” earring is another person’s “large.” I consider them small/medium. The tree part (not including French hook) is almost exactly from the tip of my finger to the end of the first knuckle.

 

Next I bought these:

At first I thought I only wanted ONE pair of decorated-Christmas-tree earrings, but (1) it turns out I don’t like many other types (so far I haven’t seen any stockings, snowmen, or Santas I want), and (2) these are quite different in style, and (3) I JUST WANTED THEM OKAY. The first pair is foil/glitter/jewel/gold; this pair is silver/enamel. They’re a little smaller than the first pair: the tree part of the earring goes from the tip of my finger to the top of the first knuckle.

 

 

After a lot of waffling, I bought these:

I’m still not even sure they’re my style. But they went on a good sale, and they DID keep catching my eye again and again, and I DID want more than just Christmas-tree-shaped earrings, so finally I bought them. They’re a little shorter than the first pair of tree earrings, but because they’re twice as wide they seem medium-sized to me rather than small/medium.

 

Then on a shopping trip with my sister-in-law and sister-in-law’s sister, I bought these:

They’re by Sienna Sky, and I hope they come back into stock soon because these are the ones I MOST wanted to recommend. I’d thought my plan was to wear Christmas earrings the whole month of December, but it turns out I still feel a little funny wearing the tree/wreath ones (not WRONG, just NOT INCLINED). But the car bringing home a Christmas tree is EXACTLY what part of the year it is now! PRE-Christmas! Christmas PREP! These are the smallest of the earrings: the tree and car together are only as big as my thumbnail. And they’re made of a very light material, if heavy earrings bother your ears: it’s like they’re laser-carved out of…curved…I don’t know. But they’re very light. Sleigh with tree are pretty cute, too. Or cardinals sitting in wreaths. Or mittens. Or Christmas moose. Or snowboarding polar bears. Or candy canes. Or Rudolph. Or, okay, I guess I DO like these snowman earrings. But I think the car/tree ones were the BEST.

 

But nothing I’d bought seemed to have the over-the-top glitz and glamor I wanted for a Christmas SHOW. I have a gold sequined tank top I’m going to see if I can make work (my money is on “no”), and not a single pair of these earrings can stand up to GOLD SEQUINS. So this weekend I tried Claire’s, and THAT is what I am talking about: I bought one set of six pairs of dangle earrings that look like big Christmas lights, and for Elizabeth one set of stud earrings that look like little shiny holiday bows:

They were supposed to be $10.50 per 6-pack, but they were having a “nothing over $5” sale so I got all 12 pairs for a total of $10 and was very very pleased. I looked for them online so I could link to them, but they weren’t on the site. Elizabeth can wear the little bows if they don’t bother her ears, and I am looking forward to mixing and matching the bulbs.

I am wondering if any of you are in possession of a KitchenAid mixer in Candy Apple Red. Not Empire Red, but Candy Apple Red. My parents are considering buying one, but they can’t see it in person anywhere, and my mother’s feelings about the color red remind me of when Jess Loolu said her florist said she’d never met anyone with such a narrow definition of purple. (“Hm,” said my mom disapprovingly, looking at a picture of the mixer, “It looks like it might be more CHERRY.”)

Adding to the problem is this sort of thing:

Notice that three of those are supposedly Empire Red and one is supposedly Candy Apple Red, but I see four different shades of red.

So I have come up with an idea, and it is an idea that will be a huge pain in the butt for someone. I think someone who has a Candy Apple Red KitchenAid mixer should go to a store that has paint chips, get all the red ones from several different major brands of paint, bring them home, hold them up to the mixer, and tell us WHICH paint colors from WHICH brands are closest to representing the color. In fact, maybe EVERYONE with a colored KitchenAid mixer should do this, and we can build a whole DIRECTORY of KitchenAid mixers compared to ALL the different brands and shades of paint! …Well, for now maybe just the Candy Apple Red.

Update: My mom found the comments very helpful, enough to make her willing to risk ordering one. So SWISTLE will do the paint-chip task, for the benefit of future shoppers!

I have a product to heartily and door-handle-clutchingly recommend: reflective magnetic student driver signs.

These have SIGNIFICANTLY improved my feelings about sitting in the passenger seat while Rob drives. I feel like everyone around us is FOREWARNED (or REARWARNED or SIDEWARNED, as the case may be). And people DO give us more space. When I was researching student driver signs online, I found a BUNCH of people saying no, don’t use signs because there are people who will target student drivers and make things difficult for them: honking and zooming nearby to try to scare them, cutting them off, yelling taunts, etc. I don’t know what kind of gross pinehole would do such a thing, but so far we haven’t encountered ANYONE like that. So far what it seems to be doing is making other people more willing to let Rob merge, more tolerant of him going the speed limit or waiting too long to make a turn, more tolerant of his occasional slight weaving or over-braking or whatever. I am thinking I will leave the signs on even when it is ME driving.

Originally I’d made signs by using the largest font that would fit on a piece of printer paper, and then gluing that to cardboard:

Those blocked too much of the window, were hard to wedge into place, and weren’t much good at night. I still do have one of those in the front window on the passenger side, but then I use the magnets on the driver door, the front passenger door, and the back of the car. If the car looks dirty, I first take a half-wet washcloth and wipe/dry where I want to put the magnet. When we’re done driving for the day, I take them off the car and put them in a nice flat stack on the dining room table, which is where I keep everything I don’t know where else to put it.

Several reviews mentioned that the magnets can come flying off at high speeds, but we’ve done a couple hours’ worth of highway driving by now (did you mistake my new white hairs for highlights?) and haven’t lost one yet. It’s nice to be braced for it, though: I went into the purchase thinking, “Well, they’re about $6 each, and if we DO lose one from time to time, they’re STILL worth it as long as they’re not dropping off every time we go driving.” And they haven’t dropped off at all yet, so that’s good. If one did, I would have an order for more signs placed within microseconds.

Our internet provider has been down since the day before Thanksgiving, so I am writing this in a word processing document like a SAVAGE. I can just picture all the ministers and bloggers across the region churning this experience into sermons/posts about how this outage was A Reminder to really BE THERE for Thanksgiving and to Reflect on what was Really Important, to “turn off,” as it were, and to “tune in” to our families and to gratitude. But to me (and to all the rest of us writing about what a blessing it was, I suspect), it was a giant pain. I hadn’t yet chosen a Brussels sprouts recipe from the Thanksgiving Vegetable Side Dishes comments section, so I had to go through deleted emails looking for them (LIKE A SAVAGE). Also, I like seeing people’s Thanksgiving pictures on Facebook. Also, I wanted to come to my computer during cooking breaks to write on Twitter things like how much I love thinking of so many of us cooking all at the same time, or about how Thanksgiving was the first official day for putting whipped cream on coffee (not that every day can’t be Thanksgiving in our hearts and coffee cups). Also, there are online deals and I am missing them LEFT AND RIGHT. And perhaps most importantly of all, I couldn’t log in to Webkinz World and get my special Thanksgiving Box.

Several people recommended Ina Garten’s recipe for Brussels sprouts, so I tried that. And it was pretty good! Paul, with the wonder of Thanksgiving in his eyes: “I ate one and I didn’t die!” But I will likely never make them again because of the SMELL, which I would in fact call a STENCH or REEK. There were half a dozen foods cooking, and Brussels sprouts was the only smell we could smell. It DOMINATED the smell of Thanksgiving. Thursday night as we were going to bed, I complained to Paul that I reeked of Brussels sprouts, and he said gallantly that he could only smell the flowery smell of my hair. “But for real, you can…I mean, thank you, Paul….but for real, you CAN smell it, right? It isn’t just on the inside of my nostrils?” The morning after Thanksgiving, I could still smell it. Friday afternoon, coming in from a trip to the mailbox, I could still smell it. I am reminded of broccoli, one of the few vegetables I genuinely like, and the way it makes me hate the smell of my house and skin for the whole day after I cook it.

[THE INTERNET IS BACK AT LAST]

This weekend I sleepwalked into a shower. The first awareness I had was thinking I shouldn’t just stand in the shower wasting water like this, but I was sooooo tired. I had a lot of trouble figuring out whether I’d already washed my hair or not. While drying off, I saw the clock and gradually figured out what the major issue was.

When I was a pre-teen, I used to take all the sheets and blankets off my bed, carry them somewhere else in the dark house (living room, kitchen), come back to my room, and wake up. THAT was discouraging. These days I’m more likely to wake up in the living room, or wearing different pajamas. As I get older, it’s giving me an unpleasant glimpse of what senility might be like: How did I get here? What happened? Did I do anything…ELSE?

William (who sometimes sleepwalks and often sleeptalks) says he read it was due to insufficient melatonin, so I took a melatonin last night, but it just gave me a very vivid dream in which an encounter with a man was getting increasingly dangerous. Sleepwalking can be caused by stress/anxiety, so I’m blaming it on my poor decision to read just a FEW comments on an article about a rape report. I only read FOUR comments! How could such a small sample make me want to give up on all humankind? I know what will fix it: taking a shower in the middle of the night.

I made a total mess of an Old Navy order. Just messed up at every turn, so that I ended up paying shipping on a single item, then hours later realizing I never even checked for other colors and placing a second order that, if I’d combined it with that single item, would have eliminated the need to pay shipping; then realizing too late that maybe I could have CANCELED the first order BEFORE placing the second order; then the very next morning there was a better coupon than when I ordered.

Well. This is one of those situations that is probably worth ten dollars just for the excellent practice Letting Insignificant Stuff Go. Let’s say I spent even TWENTY DOLLARS more than I had to, it’s still fine. I will get the items I want (THE LIGHTWEIGHT HOODIE. I love it SO MUCH), and I would rather HAVE the items than NOT have them because I couldn’t make myself get over the $7 shipping mistake and the “not being psychic and knowing the prices would be lower the next day” mistake. (This almost happened. I almost didn’t place the second order, because of the shipping I’d ALREADY PAID AND COULDN’T GET BACK. Because if I didn’t place the second order, then it still made sense that I’d had to pay shipping for the first one. That is what passes for LOGIC around here.) AND ALSO: I see that the color I wanted most is out of stock this morning in my size, so if I HAD waited, I would have MISSED it.

And not even two weeks ago I was KICKING myself for not ordering more of the lightweight hoodies while I still could, and wondering if maybe I could find them on eBay, and if you had said to me, “Well, actually I have two of them, brand new, in your size, but you’ll have to pay $5 each more than you paid for your first one…,” I would have said “GIVE THEM TO ME RIGHT NOW, WHO CARES ABOUT $10???” Having a couple colors inexplicably come back into stock in my size is GOOD news.

So. Everything is really FINE, and there is no need to compare “What could have been” to “What is,” especially when “What is” is NOT VERY MUCH WORSE THAN “What could have been.” We are not talking here about a tragically-missed opportunity for love or happiness, we are talking about ACCIDENTALLY PAYING A LITTLE MORE THAN I HAD TO FOR SOME CLOTHING.

The trees that were bothering the neighbors are COMING DOWN! It is quite exciting to watch. I have been running around inside the house like a hamster in a cage, looking out first one window and then another. Side note: when I went over to let the neighbor know when the tree guys were coming, she made a remark about how she was sorry to lose the shade. There are times when one just has to close one’s eyes very briefly.

********

I know I have written about this before, but I am having trouble with pants for Rob. It started as soon as he left the boy sizes, which go 8, 10, 12, etc., up to as high as 20—and then suddenly it’s waist/inseam. Before, I could always buy pants ahead on clearance/sale, maybe $6-12 per pair. Now, who KNOWS what his waist/inseam will be, so I just have to wait and buy right after each growth spurt. I just paid $24 each for two pairs of pants and I’m feeling a little sick. And there’s no reason to think these will even work as handmedowns: the other boys could have totally different waist/inseam measurements! I am trying to be chill about this: this is not a weird amount of money to spend on clothes. But I’m also still checking Goodwill (and Target clearance) EVERY TIME, to see if I can build up his pants supply at a nicer price.

********

We’re bringing Rob’s cello back to the store. It seems like so much fuss and hassle had to occur to find out it wasn’t a good fit for him—but I’m glad I did it, because I can picture this otherwise being one of those adulthood parent-blaming regrets where he’d imagine he would have been AWESOME at the cello IF ONLY his parents would have gone to a TINY bit of trouble to help him find out.

********

I wish Thanksgiving were a couple weeks earlier. November 13th this year, for example. I feel like I can’t focus on Christmas until after Thanksgiving, but by the time Thanksgiving is over it feels like time to panic.