I was going to write about the difference between me-in-college and my-kids-in-college, politically-speaking, but I got two paragraphs into it and I was starting to wonder if I could have another cup of coffee. They are MORE politically engaged and active, that’s the entire upshot.

My sunburn is peeling and I am trying not to pick at it.

William is in his third week as a new teacher, and the despair has hit. He is saying things like “We’re teaching NOTHING, to PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO LEARN IT, and we’re not even doing it IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE!” This is not causing me to panic: it is my understanding that most new teachers hit this point, and that the first year of teaching tends to be rough no matter what. Or maybe this won’t end up being his thing, and he will find something else. But in any case, we have at least temporarily stopped the résumé gap, and he has a salary and benefits, and there is a lot to be glad about there, even if it comes with the cost of disillusionment with the educational system.

Rob, who lost his job awhile back, is now losing his roommate. I am not worrying about it. This is not my problem to solve. This is not my problem to solve. This is not my problem to solve. He can always come back and live in his room, so he will not starve on the streets; and other than that, this is not my problem to solve. I can go la la la la la and keep my eyes on my own life.

Paul’s wrist is healing. He had a post-surgical follow-up at two weeks, and for some reason he thought that was going to be the end of it? I did one volley of argument and then dropped it (one symptom of perimenopause is that I am both MORE and LESS inclined to argue with a man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about and isn’t listening to me), and sure enough: at the two-week mark he got the cast removed, but now he’s in a splint for four weeks, and still is not allowed to drive. At the end of this stage, he will be evaluated and x-rayed again to see if he needs more time in the splint or if he can start physical therapy.

Edward saw his doctors for the first time since the surgery a month ago, and I was so excited to hear what they had to say—but they were mostly asking HIM questions, and said it was too soon for them to be able to say anything about how things had gone. They do bloodwork each time, so everyone is interested to see how THIS batch compares to the NEXT batch in 5-6 more weeks. We are also hoping to see weight gain, but it is too soon to expect it.

You may remember me freaking out because the surgery was only two weeks before the beginning of the new semester; but it turned out we followed the one ever-narrowing branching path that led to Everything Being Fine: he went back to school, and it has not been a problem (other than the part where Elizabeth and I had to move all of his stuff because he wasn’t allowed to lift anything). The school year is going well, and he says he’s feeling good. He’s having some mild GI symptoms that the doctors think are most likely because of the surgical disruption and the healing process, as opposed to being symptoms of ongoing Crohn’s issues.

OH. I remember the follow-up I was going to be sure to give. Do you remember when my friend Linnea unexpectedly brought her HUSBAND (who is NOT a friend of mine) to our coffee date?? I may be misremembering / making this up, but I feel like among the many, many fun and interesting comments, a sort of consensus started to build that a lot would hinge on the NEXT coffee date: like, was this a weird one-time thing and I may never find out why she brought him? or is this THE NEW NORMAL AND I SHOULD HAVE SET A BOUNDARY IMMEDIATELY.

Linnea and I were both busy for quite a few weeks in a row, so it took awhile to get to test this. Finally we made a coffee date for last week. We texted back and forth several times about logistics. Only when we got to the “Okay, I’m leaving my house in two minutes” stage did she say “Oh, and Kent might stop by if that’s okay.” First of all: WHAT!!!! Second: that is not a REAL “if that’s okay,” because there is no way to say it isn’t. A REAL “if that’s okay” would happen earlier in the plans and would be something like “I was thinking of seeing if Kent would like to join us, if that’s something you’d like too?” Third: What does “stop by” mean?

It turned out that “stop by” meant he was there from beginning to end. Again, it was not UNPLEASANT, per se. He’s a fine guy. I’m not looking to be friends with him (I’ve got chatty know-it-all guy at home), but it’s not like I actively dislike him. He’s a charming guy and he knows it, which is not my cup of tea. BUT WHY WAS HE THERE AT ALL.

Also, OMG ALSO: HE WAS TRYING TO GET ME TO GO OUT FOR BEERS WITH HIM AND HIS FRIENDS. Like, WITHOUT LINNEA. SOCIALIZING WITH HIM SEPARATELY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. NO.

Fortunately, though I can be POOR at speaking up when I don’t like something, I managed early on to choose the correct social mode for dealing with this guy, which is to be frank and opinionated and not particularly careful of his feelings. Like, he invited me to come over and play board/card games at a game night he hosts, and I said “Oh! No. I do not like games.” And when he said oh come on, I have some you WILL like, I said “Nope! Absolutely not. Thanks tho!” And when he said if I didn’t like group games he had some good two-player games, I said “Even worse!” However: I think this might be one of the reasons he’s being so persistent. I suspect he is not accustomed to hearing No. I suspect it is about 99% of the appeal I seem to inexplicably hold for him. Meanwhile Linnea is just sitting there, sort of chuckling, occasionally saying “Honey. She said she doesn’t like games.” WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.

I had a long interesting discussion with Edward in the car, driving him back to school after the recent doctor appointment. He’s of the mind that it IS okay to respond to a fake “if that’s okay” with a real “It’s not!” And I do agree it’s okay, or should be okay, but it’s not within my social abilities so it’s irrelevant. What IS within my abilities is to HEAD IT OFF AT THE PASS. I can, for example, invite Linnea for coffee, and add “Just us this time, so we can talk about menopause *laughing emoji*.” And at that coffee date, it is within my abilities to say cheerfully, “I have never had a friend bring her husband along to a coffee date before. What’s up with that?” Because I know I shouldn’t need to know the Why in order to put a stop to the behavior, but I feel as if the Why is important for my decision-making process and for the way in which I would put a stop to the behavior.

Another question is whether I would continue the friendship if this is a buy-one-get-one-free situation. The friendship is not serious enough that it would cause drama or heartbreak to let it fade away. On the other hand, I can’t say I had a bad time hanging out with both of them. The MAIN reason I wouldn’t want to continue it is that he’s PUSHY and I don’t want to have to keep saying no to all the social opportunities he’s offering me—though, well, I also don’t hate it as a sort of running joke, as long as it continues to be a running joke and not Actual Pressure. But I don’t like to have to carefully strategize a friendship. It makes me think of Frances the storybook badger: “Do you want to be careful, or do you want to be friends?”