On the 8-hour drive back to campus, I had Edward go through his classes and tell me about each one. He said he was saving the best for last. I was not expecting the best, in the first semester of his senior year, to be “Intro to Music.”
It sounds like a perfect example of IT’S THE PROFESSOR—although also Edward IS interested in music, and he can tell immediately if a song is…I don’t know how anyone knows this, so I am not sure I am thinking of reasonable examples, but like, if a song is in 3-4 time or 5-9 time or a waltz or whatever. You musical people will know what I’m talking about, even though I don’t.
And the professor is working with pop music, so this is something I can potentially connect to. Edward mentioned that the professor began with an analysis of “Behind These Hazel Eyes” by Kelly Clarkson, and I was immediately ALL IN. This is a song I initially heard in a MALL, and I heard the high note and thought “I MUST KNOW WHAT THIS IS.” And then I heard it more closely and was annoyed by the whole “hazel eyes” thing (please) and the “you won’t see me cry” thing—but also, my god, that high note. THAT HIGH NOTE. It’s basically O Night Divine in terms of emotional impact. Edward and I listened to it with appropriate devotion. Then I suggested we listen to “Already Gone,” also by Kelly Clarkson, and he was clasping his hands to the sides of his face and saying WHOAAAAAAAAAA in a very gratifying way.
We started listening to other example songs, any songs either of us could think of that might be interesting, and Edward would break them down based on what he’s learned in class so far, and it was very fun. Somehow from this we got on the topic of Concept Albums—like Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” or, I don’t know, there are lots of others I guess. This turned out to be a callback topic, because earlier we had been talking about relationships, and I’d mentioned that I’d had three serious relationships (all three led to engagements; two led to marriage) and zero non-serious relationships; and then I amended that to say actually I’d had a few weird little not-quite-relationships, such as one where I ACCIDENTALLY started dating someone, due to a misunderstanding, and then had to extricate myself.
Well. That same Misunderstanding Relationship involved a concept album, so there was an unexpected tie-in. But…what was the concept album? Listen, I am getting old. But even so, I was surprised I could come up with ALMOST NOTHING, considering what a relatively big deal this album had been, and how many times I’d listened to it. Here was what I had:
The guy in question and I were driving to the beach at night—his idea, he thought I should see it. I was in late high school or else very early college home on break—but more likely late high school. He put on an album he thought I should hear, and we listened to it in the dark on the way to the beach and again on the way home, and I was fairly blown away by it, as one might be when listening to any new album in the dark in a car on the way to/from the beach in late high school, but especially a concept album. He then gave me my own copy of the album (A CASSETTE) for Christmas. Could I say more about the album? No it turns out I could not.
But Edward has a friend who has a knack for such things, so he was texting her immediately and then the two of them were asking me questions. WHEN was I in late high school / early college? Was it a CASSETTE, definitely a cassette? Yes. Could I remember anything about the band? boy singers or girls? Boys. Maybe one boy, maybe multiple boys, but I didn’t remember any girls. Could I remember anything about the album cover? I had a VIBE of it being black and white, but couldn’t say if that was accurate. Was it The Cure? Oh honey no, UTTERLY wrong vibe, The Cure was early college for me (I was delayed, due to The Christianity), and also this was more like…hair-band power ballads? or Scorpions? I said this to my two detectives who are currently in their very early 20s. What do they know of hair bands or power ballads or Scorpions? And why could I not remember ANYTHING ELSE about this album, not a single song, not a single plot element? Is it time for disease-progress-stunting medication?
Fifty guesses later, I was despairing. If they were guessing The Dead Kennedys, which they were, there was NO HOPE. It was not QUIRKY, it was SERIOUS. Edward said no, there was still hope, don’t give up. He texted his friend clues such as “No, he LIKED-HER-liked-her,” and “It could have been from BEFORE those years: we don’t know it was new when she heard it.” He pulled up a Wikipedia article about concept albums, and he and his friend started checking for (1) boy singers and (2) black-and-white covers and (3) SERIOUS NOT QUIRKY. He read out one name after another and I said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is hopeless can we give up, no, no, no, no, wait wait what was that one you just said, wait what was the album name, hey play a little bit of that one, OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU FOUND IT
Do you want to guess? Are you from the time of hair band power ballads and do you have a guess? I will put a space here in case you want to think about it and/or guess.
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It was “Operation: Mindcrime” by Queensrÿche—and I DID already know how to make an umlaut, but I don’t think I have ever made one over a Y before, and IS that legit or no? ALSO you CANNOT FULLY APPRECIATE how ardently I am hoping that AT LEAST ONE of you will say OH YES OPERATION MINDCRIME. Because it seems much more likely that what I am looking at right now is a sea of blank stares—considering how I did not remember ANYTHING about the album, or remember hearing ANYTHING about it in the thirtyish years between then and now. …Though as soon as I heard the album title, I could IMMEDIATELY sing the tune for the words “Operation MINDcriiiiiiiiime!”—with the little power-ballad teeth-baring scream!
