We are in the second week now of me Not Being at the Library and, after the initial high of “I DON’T HAVE TO GO TO WORK!!,” I am in a bit of a slump. It is funny to me that in my last two weeks working there, I thought to myself things such as, “When I’m out of work, I will take really long walks! I will do that strength-training thing again, and restorative yoga! I will clean the whole house, systematically! Maybe I will learn a language!” Ha ha ha! Chucklehead. What I am mostly doing is reading, and scrolling, and feeling dazed.
So that this stage does not pull me down into lethargy and depression, I am thinking of this as a temporary reset and recharge. Yes, I am a frog on a log right now, but it is not indicative of moral failings, or of a pervasive inability to function. No. I am merely spending some time on the charging station. I am recuperating from what was a frankly dreadful experience, despite being mild on the universal spectrum of dreadfulness. I am taking my vitamins and drinking plenty of water and zoning out a little, as one does to fight off an illness.
I am trying to do several small manageable tasks each day, to keep from feeling as if I am someone who cannot even handle small manageable tasks. Today I discontinued a prescription Edward is no longer taking, which was on autofill and required a phone call to remove from autofill. AND I sent a birthday card to a friend, AND I wrote a letter to a former co-worker who writes a piece of snail-mail every single day as a hobby, AND I took those two pieces of mail to the post office as a way to make sure I left the house, AND I dropped off my library books in the bookdrop (TREPIDATION—but I did not see anyone and it was fine), AND on the way home I remembered to stop and put gas in the car! So as you can see, I am killing it and there is no reason for concern.
I think what might help is going back to the chart I used during the pandemic lockdown. I don’t remember the details but can probably find it. I remember it included exercise, reading, some kind of social contact, a household chore, something creative, etc. There are things I won’t do unless compelled by little checkboxes on a chart.
I get what you’re saying. Would an attitude shift help, do you think? What if you imagine instead of unemployed, you are on vacation! At some point you’ll get busy again but for now time away from work, thought to be restorative! Sounds excellent if you DO have to go to work so maybe just pretend for a while:)
Former gamification is key, no judgement please… ^^ so maybe try to hatch at least one egg daily in Pokémon Go if you’re still playing? I use Habitica and I love it! You set your own tasks and achievements and get rewards like weapons, eggs to hatch (again), hats, food, etc. Super easy, not stressful at all. I never payed a single cent but you can of course pay for additional gimmicks if you’re so inclined. Maybe try it out?
Please consider doing the baby name blog again
Excellent suggestion!!!
Yes! I just had a baby and really wanted to write in. We have a name for him now which I love but I missed your great takes while deciding, Swistle!
Seconded!! /thirded!!
Needing to rest and recharge makes so much sense. After a busy, stressful day you need a rest, so it makes sense that after a busy, stressful period of working you would need rest too. Time to zone out and let your brain process all of the things that happened when you were busy and stressed.
It sounds like you’re getting a lot of things done anyway, thinking of short term solutions, and thinking kindly toward yourself. I love this blog for experiencing your problem-solving style. I always find it soothing to read about your thought processes!
I think a little rest and reset is probably called for. And how nice to have the pandemic activity system to re-institute, if you want.
The part about going to the library made me wonder, is it the only public library in your area? Will checking out and returning books be difficult for a while? That seems like an irritating side effect.
Fortunately no: there’s another town library just 10 minutes away. AND: the libraries in our area are connected, so I can use my town’s library card at this other town’s library. I feel kind of shy about going there, though! I need to pick a day and make it That Day’s Task.
Land benefits from fallow time; some plants benefit from wintering; people do, too.
But yes, how to let yourself Have Appropriate Recovery Time After Something Intense while also guarding against that recovery time sliding into a depressive episode can be tricky. (but seriously it is SO NORMAL to have a period of torpor after a chunk o’ stress is resolved, and it is *healthy* for your body and brain and whatnot, as long as it doesn’t settle into prolonged inertia)
Sometimes people can ease the transition with creative expression outlets that help them process the Stress Chunk, whether the Stress Chunk was good or bad? (I figure this blog is a creative outlet, but it may not be as extensive of a creative outlet as is needed, since it is public?) I always just… slumped hard, and then woke up again at some point, although sometimes I had external factors forcing a wakeup and you may not have external factors available at this time, *and also* I did not always have enough slump time and my physical health would probably be better if I had in fact given Major Things more of a rest and recovery period.
The pandemic health checklist sounds brilliant! As does getting done Small Tasks Per Day!
But also: it is okay to effectively have the flu/recover from surgery/whatever, for a while; this was hard on you! Your body is adjusting to not having a continual stream of stressed-out adrenaline! The body does need to *adjust* rather than deciding it’s just never going to do anything again unless it is under that much stress again, but giving your body some time to patch up whatever it does need to patch up is a Good Thing and probably beneficial to your health long-term?
Do you have a therapist/counselor? That might also be Really Helpful to have, as external structure for how to hit the “recovery but not depressive episode” balance well.
But also: you got this. I’m sorry it’s been hard (it *has* been hard! that other things are harder doesn’t mean it hasn’t been awful!), and I hope you feel better soon.
Makes sense to me that a period of relaxation and refreshment would be needed. And you didn’t do nothing. You wrote cards and letters, which to me is wonderful and requires effort. I know it does because I have some thank you notes to write — I bought the cards, and it’s been 2 months now but I haven’t picked up the pen to write them.
UGH, I forgot about the part where you are A LIBRARY USER. I am newly ticked off that that horrible boss has made the joy of library patronage less enjoyable.
I do think that you are recovering and recuperating from both a stressful, upsetting period of life and from the stress and sadness of leaving a job. It makes a lot of sense to me that you would have a low period during which all that adrenaline clears out of your system.
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You’re recharging and I’m for it. As we age, resting after stress is a good idea. It can protect you from illness.
I don’t know if you like apps, but I’ve been using a free one called Finch. You can set up one-time, daily or whatever tasks to complete and gain points for completing every one. You have a little birdie avatar that you earn points to dress up in different outfits and buy furniture for its house. You go on adventures and grow your birdie and get little animal pets. You can buddy up with a friend for accountancy on a specific task if you want and send your friends little boosts throughout the day. I like it a lot and so do my friends.
I realize I am a month late to this post and probably no one is reading comments at this point, but I wanted to second the Finch rec. After my divorce which came after several years of stressful things at the end of the marriage, I was feeling (understandably) very blah. My daughter had started using the Finch app for herself and recommended it to me, and she and I have been doing it together daily ever since. (I mean we do it separately but you can send each other high fives, hugs, little presents, etc. through the app). Some of the things you can check off are literally survive the day or get out of bed (and some days it felt great to get little confetti on the screen for such minor things) but you can also put bigger goals and habits you are working on – it’s totally customizable. And it’s a fun way to stay connected with my daughter who as a side effect of the divorce is not at my house every day anymore. You’re probably feeling better already since I’m late to commenting, but just in case anyone else needs an app recommendation.