What should I buy my favorite cousin for her birthday? I consider her one of my Top Three: one of the three friends I would tell FIRST if I had any news; one of the three I would most consider including in my will if I had something special to bequeath.
“But Swistle!,” you might say, “We don’t know her! How should we know what she’d like?” Fair! But there is a sense in which I don’t know her much more than you do. We haven’t seen each other in person since high school, which, let’s gently call that “over 30 years ago now.” We live far apart, so we haven’t seen each other’s houses, which I consider a HUGE element of knowing what to buy someone as a gift. We started exchanging birthday gifts the year we turned 30, as a one-time special event—and then somehow we did not stop. It has been…a couple of decades of winging it, birthday-gift-wise, since then. I have been managing but could use an outside consultant. And I will list a bunch of ideas I’ve used in the past, in case YOU have a dearest friend to shop for.
I will also tell you one of my favorite gifts from her, which was a Dolly Parton cake mix and a can of Dolly Parton frosting, sent when her area was stocking them and mine was not yet.
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For her 30th birthday I got her a pink purse with her initial on it, Laverne-style. Since then, what I usually aim for is a HAPPY ASSORTMENT: three to five smaller things I like and/or think she might like. I often consult my own purchase history, and buy her things from that. A package of binder-hole-reinforcers that look like doughnuts. A rainbow-tape dispenser. Parakeet post-it notes. Dramatic earrings. Heart-shaped sunglasses.
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(image from Amazon.com)
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Tiny expensive travel bottle of leave-in conditioner from our high school years.
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Coffee creamer (I got her the hazelnut, but am linking to the chocolate because the hazelnut is currently only available in a two-pack).
(image from Amazon.com)
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Le Creuset rainbow pinch bowls.
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Expensive face-wash. Cookie packets.
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A book I liked. Dramatic peacock compact mirror.
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Games I like (rare), or a puzzle. She travels a lot and my friend just recommended this travel backpack, which I am buying for myself as soon as I can choose a color (probably this dark peacock blue), and may also buy for my cousin if I can choose her a color (probably black).
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She likes DRAMA. She likes LEOPARD-PRINT, and TORTOISESHELL. She likes GLAMOUR and BIG SUNGLASSES and BIG JEWELRY. She likes Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. She has a Master’s of Education and she is NOT AFRAID TO USE IT, and she is a performing musician. She is AMBITIOUS and ACCOMPLISHED and a BOSS BABE and a TIGER MOM, and she DOESN’T LIKE CHOCOLATE. In many ways we are NOTHING ALIKE, but I love her and she loves me and we are locked into this birthday-present exchange, so PLEASE HELP ME.
What about cute sneakers? Adidas has many leopard print/animal print options. There was an Adidas Samba leopard print with red trim that was so cute I actually gasped when I saw someone wearing them. Unfortunately that particular model is sold out and only available on third party platforms but they have others. My coworker has been rocking a cow print Samba that is also very cute.
If you prefer to go with a gift assortment, how about a box of fun Trader Joe’s snacks, their fantastic facial sunscreen, and maybe one of the viral mini totes if you can snag one?
Or a movie ticket gift card to see the new Devil Wears Prada sequel?
Trader Joe’s marula oil face wash is amazing. So cheap and so great. It’s my new obsession.
My sister is the world’s best gift giver. Last Christmas she got our whole family tins from The Bees Knees British Imports shop. I use my tins for sewing supplies and stationary.
I feel like everyone loves a little box that makes things prettier and more organized.
Other places to shop that you might like are Fair Play Toys (lots of fun stickers, crafts and toys), Boston General Store (unusual snacks, gardening supplies, toiletries) and Ouchiku Studio (stationary and postcards.) I’ve ordered things from all of them and they’ve always been lovely.
Good luck!
I am obsessed with knockaround sunglasses- mt evans in rose gold and get tons of compliments on them. For context I am a boss (babe?) with a masters in (nursing) which I am not afraid to use and Audrey Hepburn is my sunglasses icon :)
I just discovered knockaround and i love them too!
I’ve gifted and been gifted beautiful sets of coasters, and all were well received. My two sets don’t coordinate in any way, but if anything, that makes them even more fun. I enjoy choosing which little work of art I’m in the mood for.
Experience gift in her area? Like tickets to a concert/gallery/theatre/exhibition/show? (best not to be too date-specific – the kind of pass you can use anytime during a season?). Or a tasting menu experience at a funky bar/hotel?
Is she the kind of person who would like a big, silly, surprising delivery at her place of work? Helium balloons by someone in costume? Deluxe bakery donuts to share with all the colleagues?
This is a wild idea, so bear with me, but since you haven’t seen her in so long, could you visit her for a day or two? Is that too crazy/weird? Your presence would be the present- quality time together! Piggybacking off Jeanne’s idea, maybe you could see the Devil Wears Prada movie with her!
Oh my god. I got chills over this idea. I am unemployed!! I could do this!!
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
It feels like such a serendipitous time!
I was going to suggest this, too! It’s been thirty years and she’s one of your dearest friends – I’d say now’s a great time. Or she could come visit you (you said she likes to travel!), or you could meet up somewhere.
Oooooh, maybe the travel backpack with a note inside about planning a trip soon to see each other?
this was my first thought. A girls weekend!
This idea is so fun! But of course also take her that candle. It’s perfect and now I want one!
A massage? I was gifted one from a student at Christmas but I haven’t redeemed it because- naked? Underwear? Maybe a pedicure? I like them but don’t like to pay for them.
My friend is a masseuse and they say “undress to your comfort level” and totally mean it. If you wanted to stay in bike shorts and a tank top you totally could. I take off my bra but always wear a tidy pair of granny panties, and it’s fiiiiine.
Is she a Book Person? I was given Women Holding Things as a gift recently and received Dog Only Knows around Christmas. Love them both and everyone who sees them wants to sit and look at them! Lovely books!
Women Holding Things
https://bookshop.org/p/books/women-holding-things-maira-kalman/88cf5a0f10163098?ean=9780062846679&next=t
Dog Only Knows
https://bookshop.org/p/books/dog-only-knows-the-dog-portraits-of-alison-friend-alison-friend/90d5480e98e6ffa6?ean=9781648294785&next=t
I’m also a fan of gifting:
MUJI gel pens (.70 is my favorite, but the 10 pack of mini pens in .50 is always a winning gift):
https://www.muji.us/products/gel-ink-cap-type-ballpoint-pen-10-color-set?_pos=1&_sid=8cc936de4&_ss=r
Goodr sunglasses (durable and great product names! I love my “Flamingos on a Booze Cruise” pair):
https://goodr.com/collections/womens-sunglasses?srsltid=AfmBOookblu0FkxmpMOXA5bwCYd4DdB1hc0pgLc4PEy8CnT1eeP5UpMS
Everything Hurts shirt:
https://www.tribelacrosse.com/search?type=product&options%5Bunavailable_products%5D=last&options%5Bprefix%5D=none&q=Everything%20hurts*
Anything punny (they have a pun for everything!) from this store in Asheville, NC. Great quality and funny:
https://moonlightmakers.com/
She loves to travel and you haven’t seen her in so long? Either an invitation to your house or a visit to her or a girls trip is a absolute must. I just took my teenage best friend to see NKOTB in Vegas after a long time apart and it was the greatest, silliest weekend! Do it!!
My first thoughts were: things that are fun because they are tiny, things that are fun but not childish, new things to try out:
And as to what that could be, maybe travel sized lotions, hair masks, face masks (maybe something with glitter/gold, just because it’s fun), tiny bottles of nail polish in unexpected colours (I had some in bright yellow, neon green and baby blue, only 4 ml each I think, it was fun just looking at them), snacks with an unexpected twist (maybe go to an Asia store for something similar but not exactly like wasabi nuts)… oh, I just remember quite some time ago there was a makeup store sellling unused samples of eau de toilettes. I bought a mystery box and that was fun! (I didn’t discover any new favourites but still, fun.) Also we bought those rainbow-y spoons that Zoe have for the kids and they are a big hit. Maybe some of those? I like to use them as well, but alas, the kids use usually pick them first. A little random but seed b*mbs for some guerilla gardening? Last but not least a handwritten letter with everything you like about her. It’s okay if it’s sappy.
Old navy has the devils wears Prada blue cable sweater. It’s so cute!
Those pinch bowls are so pretty! They remind me of fiestaware, of which I have a crapload because 1) i inherited my great grandma’s fiestaware set and 2) every xmas for like a decade my aunties would give me another piece of fiestaware. It’s more expensive than lip smackers but if those bowls were a hit you can just give one random thing (gravy boat! butter dish! single giant coffee mug!) in the most pleasing color, since fiestaware isn’t supposed to match and Not Matching is actually the point. I cherish my single perfect celedon green ramen bowl. <3
Based on your last paragraph about her and what she likes, if you get her the backpack, skip black and do a fun color. She sounds like an awesome, BOLD gal and black is kinda…meh. However, I agree with everyone else that a trip sounds like the way to go. Maybe get the backpack for both of you and stuff it with snacks, books, games, etc for a travel meet-up!
I was going to come in with some themed gift (I got my friend goose based small gifts because she loves geese…) but now I just want you to have an in person visit with your friend– you could take her to dinner while you are both together.
I am terrible at gift ideas, but wanted to mention that I have that exact backpack in the Blue Green and the color is just as pretty in person! I love mine!
This is so pleasing!! And leans me even more toward getting that color!!
My main thought was amazing socks (either the Really Fun kind or the Oooh I Never Want To Take These Off kind), but a visit seems better if the schedules can be aligned!
One thing I have found over the years is that with some people it is shockingly easy to just pick right back up into a flow state after a hiatus of multiple years and life events, and with other people, you need to lean into the “do you remember…” more to bridge things (and also you will never both remember *all* the things the other one of you found especially noteworthy and that is fine). I never entirely know who is going to be which!
Have you seen “The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love”? It’s like 20 something years old, but sounds like it might fit.
1. Love the visit idea.
2. If that doesn’t work out – or for a future gift — a good sized disco ball! This has been my go-to gift for friends turning 50 and it’s universally met with joy. Also, similar to those prism things it makes beautiful light when the sun hits it!
Get her a plane ticket to visit you. 30 years is too long!
I just thought of this, I’m at work and in a meeting and I wanted to stand my phone up on my computer. I see a lot of people with really cute charging stations. Like you can put your watch over it, and stand your phone up in it. It seems so handy!
I love the visit idea(s) above best!
But I came here to suggest a rechargable sweater shaver (lint shaver). I’ve had a battery-operated one for years, but I abhor having to stock batteries/find a way to recycle them
I absolutely endorse the visit idea! Do it! But even before reading the comments I was really struck by your post and your description of one of your top three friends/confidants being someone you haven’t seen in person in decades. I’m so curious about this! When I started dating my current partner I accidentally offended her because she only sees her closest friends once a year (they live about 2 hours away) and her other very dear friend every couple years (he lives on the opposite coast) and I was like how can these be your MOST important people and you never seem to see them or even communicate all that often?! But I have now met these friends and they are super close and infrequent (from my perspective) communication works for them. But I still find the difference fascinating. For reference I feel like my closest friend and I are drifting apart if we don’t talk at least weekly and see each other at least monthly. But she is local so I know that’s a luxury. So many ways to “do” friendship!
Ooh – my teen is so good at birthday gifts. Some ideas I think might apply after reading this. (1) At our local spice shop, she picked up a recipe card for a fun cookie and the spice blends for the recipe. (2) She bought a book that had the birthday girls name in the title. (She knew her friend read a lot, but not necessarily just what she would like to read.) I wondered about that, but it was a huge hit. (3) She plays flute and asked for a mustache clip designed to go on the flute. She was gifted a flute Santa hat by another flute player. You didn’t specify an instrument, but you might search to see if there’s something fun for that instrument. (4) I just bought myself a solar powered fountain insert for my bird bath on Wayfair. It’s frivolous, and I would have loved to receive it as a gift. (I justified it because the birds in my yard love running water so much, and it’s really for them.) (5) My daughter haunts stationary sections and often buys notebooks for friends like the ones from WTF notebooks… I probably have more, so I might be back!