I am in Week Two of my two weeks’ notice. The director said last Monday that she would notify my supervisor and the other department heads of my departure, so I’d assumed the news would spread rapidly and I would not need to tell anyone myself. (I tend to choke up, and wanted to avoid the drama.)
But by the end of the first week, no one seemed to know yet, and I was feeling increasingly awkward about it. So Friday evening I texted a handful of people from work: the ones who are my outside-work friends, and might already feel hurt about the gap between giving notice and telling them about it. One of them asked if the news was private, and I said no she could tell people, and she apparently told EVERYONE WE WORK WITH, which is an outcome I need to remember for the future when I want some news spread for me.
So this past Monday, my last Monday, I did not need to worry anymore about spreading the news. There has been some very gratifying feedback. One department head wondered if we could put a poll on the staff whiteboard about who should leave, me or my supervisor. Another wondered aloud about who my supervisor would try to push out next. Excellent, excellent. One department head asked the question I wasn’t sure how I’d handle (“Why are you leaving?”) and I wasn’t really ready for it despite having plenty of time to think about it and prepare; but I did manage to say it was because I couldn’t work for [supervisor’s name] any more. I referred to the supervisor’s pattern of going after one person after another, as if it were something we both knew about; and said it had been my turn, and that I wasn’t going to stay around for it. This department head is very, very level and calm and professional and poker-faced, so it was hard to read any reaction; she listened and inclined her head and didn’t reply, which is on-brand for her. If she were thinking “WHAT?? You UNGRATEFUL PEASANT, HOW DARE YOU PUT HER ILLUSTRIOUS NAME IN YOUR FILTHY MOUTH???” or if she were thinking “Yes, YES, another milestone in our attempt to OVERTHROW THE EVIL LEADER!!!!,” there’d be no indication either way.
I am still feeling good about my decision to leave, and I am counting the days; also I am still feeling sad and mad about it, which seems about right. I’ve made plans to have lunch with a coworker/friend right after my last day; those plans involve potatoes and gravy and cheese.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. I had something else, I am sure of it. But what.
OH! Yes. Listen, do any of you have experience with ONGOING RECURRING INCESSANT KIDNEY STONES? Paul has them, as did his mother. His kidney stones only just kicked into gear over the last five-ish years, and he has had a couple of ER trips, and one surgery/stent. In my opinion, the medical system then just said “Okay, good luck, byyyyyeeeeee!!”—no instructions about future follow-ups; no information about how to reduce future occurrences, other than to drink plenty of water, which he already does to a near-alarming extent. He realizes from his own research that kidney stones are difficult to figure out and hard to prevent for many many reasons, but it still seems like maybe he should have a follow-up to at least DISCUSS with a PROFESSIONAL what he MIGHT TRY to prevent them from HAPPENING CONSTANTLY, AS THEY ARE NOW. I have been pushing him to make an appointment (the DOCTOR is not going to call HIM), and he hasn’t been doing it.
Now he is going on a business trip to the U.K. (we are in the U.S.A.), and I am worried that he will have a kidney stone crisis while there. I want him TO HAVE ALREADY SEEN the specialist, and TO HAVE ALREADY OBTAINED medications he could take with him, just in case, to get him through an attack if it happens, at least until he can get back home. He has not done this.
What I would like to know is: Was this a foolish hope ANYWAY? That is: is there nothing the specialist could/would have given him, even if he HAD made the appointment? Or is this something I should keep pushing him to do for FUTURE business trips if not this one?
I don’t think much can be done to prevent hereditary kidney stones. My dad had them and the youngest of my three brothers has them fairly often, often requiring surgery. I think it’s important to know the symptoms and to go in when they are felt.
Okay, I love the whiteboard poll idea. I’m sure it would be a massive HR issue if your coworkers actually did it…but I also kind of want them to actually do it.
One of my favorite Work Friends put in her two weeks recently, and she told me before she told many of our coworkers and asked me not to mention it to anybody. EXCRUCIATING. But now she’s in her final few days here, and her replacement starts tomorrow, so I guess the cat’s out of the bag.
I have no kidney stone advice. However, I can tell you that if Paul does have an emergency while he’s in the UK, the medical bills won’t be anywhere near what they’d be for an uninsured person in the US. (I don’t know if he’ll have traveler’s insurance, but if he does, that will help too.) I believe ER visits are free for everybody – maybe urgent care as well? I was on the NHS when I lived there, but one time there was a glitch in their system and I was showing up as uninsured. The receptionist told me very apologetically that they’d have to bill me for the full cost of my (usually $$$) treatment if they couldn’t find my NHS information. I asked her how much it would be, and…well, actually I don’t remember how much it was, but definitely under $100 and maybe even less than $50. Then they never billed me, so I guess they worked it out.
Of course it would be far, FAR better for Paul to just make the damn appointment and deal with this *before* it becomes an emergency. But if he doesn’t and the worst-case scenario happens – hey, at least it won’t bankrupt you!
It sounds like Paul is very well hydrated, so my only other bits of advice would be to stop turmeric supplements, if he is taking them (it has something to do with oxalates and most stones are made of those?), and to try to, er, “catch” a stone if at all possible so a lab can test it, using a medical sieve gadget designed for that task.
My beloved got on this horrible cycle–he had his first one, then another 11 months later, and a third one 11 months after the second–but for him it seems to have been all about drinking more water. He only drinks bottled, and goes through pricey Liquid IV packets in quantity, but it’s worth every penny if it keeps him out of the ER.
Is Paul not in mortal agony when they happen?! Because other than a pill called “FloMax [ew]” to encourage going and thereby coax the stone out, the only other med I recall my spouse getting was a serious pain pill. Best of luck figuring things out!
While he HAS been in mortal agony (the ER visits), he mostly just “feels them”—uncomfortable but not agonizing. He has a little sieve he uses to keep an eye on them (and to confirm it IS stones, and not something else causing the sensations). When he was awaiting surgery before, he had half a dozen pill bottles, but I don’t remember what they were; FloMax rings a bell, and there was one to…relax the tubes?…or something? And something for pain. I guess I was hoping they could give him the relaxing one and the pain one, to have on hand just in case.
I mean, it’s certainly worth a try!
My husband has kidney stones periodically, and they’re awful. As far as I know (and I was at most of his appointments because he doesn’t listen) they didn’t recommend anything. I think they told him not to drink too much tea. But I don’t believe there’s any medicine they can give you to prevent or treat them. I think it’s just the stent when they get bad enough, and sometimes the blaster.
I have not had them but my good friend’s husband is plagued by them when he drinks iced tea. He loves iced tea but the moment he starts drinking it they come back. Otherwise, as far as I know, he never gets them. It might be worth avoiding until Paul can get in to see a doctor? A wont hurt/might help, low stakes idea….
Hopefully, you are not in the south like my husbands family where everyone has a jug of sweet tea in their fridge and it is an absolute staple!
Glad the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. My husband gets kidney stones as well, though we are only at ‘multiple ER visits’ and not surgeries/stents yet. But they did analyze his stones at one point, and there was calcium build up (oxalate?) involved. I believe he was told to limit his dairy intake. I also note he seems to experience an uptick when he drinks a lot of pop. We usually don’t keep it around the house much, but it sneaks in for holidays and family occasions. When I see him having multiple cans a day, I expect trouble in 2-3 weeks time from then. I have pointed out this correlation to him, but it has not stopped the pop binge occasionally. Not sure any of that helps, but that’s been our experience. I know he was big on drinking lemon juice (as uncut as possible) for awhile there- supposedly it breaks down stones. Also, I have no first hand experience with this one, but my sister is married to a Peruvian, and they swear by Chanca Piedra…..I think the name translates to ‘breaks stones’ and it is available online.
I have a friend who developed chronic kidney stones following pregnancy. I can’t remember for the life of me the exact reason, but I do know they put her on a preventative diet of high calcium and low oxalate. Also hydration. She doesn’t drink coffee, tea or soda – or really anything but water and milk. She can’t eat much spinach, nuts…and other stuff I can’t remember because those are the ones I cooked with a lot and had to learn. Beets, maybe? Anyway, I’m sure the diet would be available from the doctor if it applied to the hereditary kidney stones. She hasn’t had a kidney stone in years following this diet, so it’s worth asking about.
I really really wish the whiteboard poll could happen. Writing with your non dominant hand conceals your handwriting. Just saying.
We are currently facing what may be the ultimate two weeks notice situation- my husband is taking a job in Europe starting in August, while planning to stay on at his current company through July. Some of his coworkers know already out of necessity, but can be trusted to keep their mouths shut. Others can’t know yet for morale reasons. We decided that the news can go out in full starting in June, which leaves an awkward limbo period of SEVEN WEEKS. Last night we were talking about who to tell when, and he said, sure, tell people at the kids’ school, and the Girl Scout moms, no way would that get back to his workplace. And I said it would be a problem, because the teachers and the moms would tell other people, at which he looked at me blankly, then realized (to his credit) that what we were really taking about was the different rates at which men and women share information. So here I sit 🥴
Oooh I love your coworker who passed on all the news!
I also love the result of this – the whiteboard suggestion!
I’m glad the news got out, making your last week a little easier. Sounds very bittersweet. I like your post-last day plan.
Good for you for speaking up with department heads about what was happening at work. It will likely build support for the Things to Happen with regard to your supervisor, even if its a slow burn or a change that happens over time!
At my follow up visit with a urologist after kidney stone (the one time I had one when I was 7 months pregnant; kidney stones ARE as painful as labor contractions), a low oxalate diet was recommended. Others have mentioned that most stones are oxalate based.
My husband’s father used to get them pretty often. The only thing he did to change the situation was cutting out tums and trying to drink lemonade everyday. I hope Paul is okay while traveling.
“One department head wondered if we could put a poll on the staff whiteboard about who should leave, me or my supervisor. ” I laughed out loud.
I hope your last few days at this job go well and that there are good things waiting for you after.
I remembered a supplement a urology NP recommended: potassium citrate. It makes wee more alkaline. There was a prescription horse pill, and we also tried a weird powdered-mineral version.
My FIL had recurring kidney stones, which was also genetic, and periodically drinks lemon juice to prevent them. Like go to the fridge and take a big swig. Apparently his father also had the same habit but never told anyone why and they just all thought he was weird until my FIL was given the same advice. He was also told to avoid high oxalate foods, which iirc included dark leafy greens and dark chocolate and whole grains… But don’t quote me on that, I’m sure there’s lists online. Of course as I understand it, all of that is mostly only relevant if you have a certain kind of kidney stones, but I would imagine a specialist would be able to offer that kind of dietary guidance. To sum up, he had recurring kidney stones, then was told to remove the high oxalate foods from his diet and occasionally drink lemon juice, and hasn’t had a recurrence in like 15 years. So seems plausible that some dietary adjustments might help Paul depending on the type of kidney stone.
A friend has trouble and says he’s been told to limit salt and red meat. Which sounds like generally good advice anyway so hell if I know?! Also he takes Ural powder (we’re in Australia) and Google tells me it’s good for uric acid kidney stones, but not for calcium based stones.
…I did not know there’s more than one type of stone.
Anyway! Google says it’s available in the US, I wonder if it might be worthwhile getting some, if you don’t have it already? It’s also good for UTIs and other things. Available in chemists here.
Potatoes and gravy and cheese? Are you planning a poutine binge? If so, as a Canadian, this pleases me!
POUTINE BABY!!! At a restaurant with a DOG who will hop up on the bench next to you and eat french-fries-and-gravy (NO CHEESE) off your palm. I love him. He allows kissies on his forehead, but only if he is eating a gravy-fry (fair enough).
Also. While I have a Canadian here to ask. This restaurant breads-and-fries the cheese. Is that: (1) the default (2) a valid alternative to NOT breading/frying the cheese, or (3) THEY DO WHAT
I’m a Canadian but not a poutine expert. Breading and frying the cheese sounds extra delicious but I don’t think it is common here at all; the norm is to use cheese curds. Your way sounds better :)
Enjoy the celebration!
I used to have recurring kidney stones; yes, they are as painful as labor, only you don’t get a sweet little baby to snuggle as a reward. My kidney stones stopped happening when I regularly began drinking a beverage that contained apple cider vinegar (a can of sparkling water, a sprinkle of ginger, and 1 tablespoon of ACV). It’s been over 11 years since I had one. I’ve definitely had twinges, but then I drink the ACV drink regularly again, and it disappears. And bonus, the ACV also helps with stress-induced low stomach acid symptoms. I imagine the ACV works like lemon juice as reported by others.