We have done so much LOGISTICS recently. One kid, at a nearer college, came home just for the weekend, for “no reason” (i.e., no reason we could get out of him, but he said to pick him up right after his last class on Friday and return him at the very latest we were willing to drive him on Sunday, so); one kid came home for a few days for a recurring medical treatment, and had to be fetched and returned; two kids from a farther-away college needed to be fetched for spring break; and now the kid at the nearer college needs to be fetched today for his spring break. (I wish the spring breaks had been the same week, but at least they will have a couple of days’ overlap.) Oh, and then of course we still have to return the two kids to the farther-away college, and then in a week return the kid to the closer college. Lots of driving.
There are few things I love as much as having someone else’s baby to look forward to, but babies have been thin on the ground the last decade or two as all my peers and cousins stopped having them. Now there is beginning to be the very beginnings of the next wave of babies, to mix baby metaphors. My cousin, who is one of my three dearest friends, just welcomed her first grandbaby. One of Elizabeth’s friend’s sisters is in labor right now. Soon it will be other friends’ kids, and possibly even my own kids, if we take a longer view and/or if something unexpected happens.
It’s just so pleasing to think about—and it was so fun to shop for baby things for my cousin’s grandchild. I want to do MORRRRRRRRRRRRE of it. I’m going to ask Elizabeth if it would be weird to send a gift to her friend’s sister. I’m guessing YES but also that no one will actually stop me. And I remember we got baby gifts from unexpected people when we were having our babies, and it never seemed WEIRD-weird, just a little surprising. Like, why is Paul’s coworker’s wife sending us a sleeper?—but how nice. Why did we get a gift from my high school friend’s parents?—but how nice. This is apparently from a friend of my mom’s, who we’ve never met—but how nice.
SEAGULL print
(image from Amazon.com)
I feel the same way about Overdoing It, gift-wise. I have a rough idea in my head about how much would be normal for me to spend, based on my relationship with the recipient, and with baby gifts I like to quadruple that. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I can’t resist quadrupling it. I START by thinking, okay, I should get one or two of these little sleep-and-plays, maybe one board book, call it a day. Before I know it, it’s the nursing pillow, three sleep-and-plays, and four board books. Oh, and a pack of these nice flannel nursing pads. Well, and now this other sleep-and-play, the one I reluctantly cut from the cart, is on such a good sale; I’ll just send that too. I feel like that will come across as A Little Weird, but not as WEIRD-weird. And I remember the same thing happening when we were having our babies: sometimes someone with a smaller connection, such as my mother’s cousin, would send a gift MUCH MUCH LARGER than we would have expected—and in fact we wouldn’t have expected a gift at all. And it was like WHOA—but how nice.
I don’t have any babies in my social circle but I wonder if I would be the same way.
I have been thinking lately about how intensely I want grandchildren and how important it is to mask that feeling at least somewhat, because I really don’t want to be that mom, pressuring her kids for grandbabies. My older kid is single and the younger one is too, plus still in college and not yet 20, so it’s not like it’s on the horizon for either of them or would even be a good thing.
I am in the very lovely position of awaiting the birth of my first baby, and one of my favourite things about this pregnancy has been the warmth with which happy and loving parents have welcomed me to ‘the parenting club’. People sharing fond memories from when their little ones were little, hand me downs, advice (nicely given – the ‘this thing helped us so much!’ kind) and just generally friends being happy to meet our tiny one when he gets here…it’s been so special and appreciated. And the gifts have been so sweet! A rather brusque child-free lady at my work gruffly gave me an adorable little dressing gown last week saying that she couldn’t resist it, and it surprised me in the most delightful way. I am sure Elizabeth’s friend’s sister will definitely get the ‘oh! How nice!’ feeling from whatever you choose to gift her way :)
Have you thought about “adopting” a foster family(ies) in your area so you can indulge and also reap the bask of good deed?
That’s a great idea!
I’m in the ‘any day now’ stage with my fourth child and this post really made me smile. We got some generous gifts with past babies from people I couldn’t pick up out of a lineup if you paid me, and it made it feel like the whole world was conspiring to bring our baby home wrapped in love.
This is such a beautiful phrase and way to think about it. And such a beautiful idea in general.
I am just commenting to say that I’ve never heard of a “sleep and play”! I’m wondering if that’s regional? It took me glancing at the photo to realize what you meant. And now I’m trying to think of what I call it, but my kids are in college as well and it’s been awhile. Footie pajamas? Onesie? All-day pajamas? Hmm.
I think they were called “sleepers” last time I was shopping at a normal store for a baby shower, but I assume either 1. it is regional or 2. they have been rebranded to make it more clear to fogged new parents that the baby can just… live in them… if temperature-appropriate? (i do not know which region of the country I got “sleeper” from; I know footie pajamas also as a term but sometimes they’re fuzzier; onesie maybe, yeah, but usually the onesies are the things without legs; sleep-and-play initially made me think pack-and-play [which I did not know the existence of until my friends started having babies], but you 100% do not buy multiple of those)
In the UK we’d call that a baby-gro, which is a bit of an odd word now I think about it
If I recall correctly, Sleep N Play is specifically a Gerber brand name. I personally call this a sleeper. To me, a onesie is ONLY the bodysuit with envelope shoulders and snaps at the diaper. A lot of people use the word to mean any all-in-one things, but that’s my personal opinion. It’s also a Gerber trademarked original name.
It’s a one-piece outfit with long sleeves and also attached feeties, made for that era of babyhood when there is no real distinction between daytime clothes and nighttime clothes—that is, when there is also no real distinction between daytime and nighttime for the poor parents.
” … no real distinction between daytime and nighttime for the poor parents.” OMG that made me laugh. So true. My kid stayed in onesies — footed long-sleeve onesies for the colder months — for the first couple of years of his life because why not, and perhaps for that reason as a child would sleep in his clothes (never pajamas). Both of which (wearing your onesie 24/7 or sleeping in the clothes you would wear to school the next day) did reduce the hassles associated with getting going in the morning.
I think babies are just one of those things that it’s socially acceptable to lose your mind over. I absolutely do, and I’ve absolutely over-gifted and baby gifted to people that would never have expected it, and it was never met with a anything but happiness and gratitude (to my face, anyway, which is all I care about). And you have such a talent for gift-giving, it would be a shame not to share it with the world at every possible opportunity.
I have knit three baby sweaters for my husbands coworkers. I have met none of them. Anyone that is remotely in my orbit has a baby, they get a baby sweaters. It is an absolute delight of my life. And usually the recipients send you cute photos of the baby in the sweater and it’s the best. My spouse is in full support of it, which I love. If it’s weird, it’s the good kind of weird and I’m here for it.
Two of the women on my street — two women I had met only at the annual block party for the two years I’d lived on that street — gave me an ENORMOUS bag full of baby clothes when we had our daughter. They had seen my growing belly and had watched me try to walk that baby out for two weeks past her due date, and the gift was so incredibly thoughtful and kind and lovely. I didn’t even know their last names! It didn’t seem weird at all, just warm and loving. I will never forget that.
Swistle, after many years of drought, I now have THREE PEOPLE in my life who are expecting new babies (well, one of those babies is already three months old), and I find myself at a loss for what to get them. For various reasons, clothing isn’t going to work… and these are all people for whom I would normally spend quite a bit of money on. My beloved housekeeper, for one thing. And NONE OF THEM have registries. The Baby Bjorn bouncer that used to be my go-to in situations like this is now $230+, and maybe that’s fine, but also that seems like $100 too much for what it is. But what is the alternative?! What do babies USE these days?! (I cannot sew or knit or paint or do anything artsy.)
Oh, they just HAVE to have registries!! Otherwise how do we knowwwwwwwww???? I like to choose off of a registry, and then embellish: like, get the nursing pillow they want, but then include the board books I liked, or whatever. Or get them the sleep-and-play they wanted, but also get the same print in the next size up (especially if it’s their first baby and they registered for newborn size and then had a 9-pound baby), and then get another print from that same line.
When there is no registry, and if I could not give clothes, I would give books: some board books, and some picture books. Depending on how much I wanted to spend, I then might resort to adding a gift card, even though that would NOT be the fun baby shopping I would prefer. (If by some chance I knew which diaper brand they preferred, I’d get a bunch of those instead of the gift card.)
Why not a savings bond? It will
Mature when the baby Ned to pay for college – or starting life in general. My husband had some and it was lovely to think of the aunt who gave them when he
finally cashed them in.
I thought I was done with babies in my orbit for while, as my grandchildren were all highschool & college age. (Why yes, I WAS a child when my kids were born!)
But. But! Our youngest son, in his late 30s and (we thought) “not having kids”, had a baby and now we have a one-year-old granddaughter! Such a happy surprise!
So I bought piles of sleepers and board-books and pretty dresses in bigger sizes and knitted hats and blankets. So fun!
And we still have those early 20s grandchildren to wait-and-see for!
I started shopping for a foster care charity that pairs kids in foster care (or rather their case workers) with people who like shopping for kids for their birthdays. It definitely gives me the feeling that I can go all out! I would never spend as much on a single event for one of my nieces and nephews as I feel I can for these kids who wouldn’t be celebrated otherwise. Especially when the list includes things like socks and underwear, I feel like the risk of overbuying is almost nonexistent. The one in Virginia I support is Worthdays, but I think there are likely some in other places!
I get a monthly finger stick test monitored by a pharmacist in a clinic, and over the last six months of her pregnancy I watched her get rounder and rounder and in turn went ’round and ’round with myself about how weird it would be for me to give her a baby gift. I finally couldn’t help it. I gave her a onesie and a board book. :)