The twins are on their way back to college. I am feeling bereft.

And actually, I tried to more accurately identify the feeling (Facebook has been serving me reels by therapists, which, harsh but fair), and there’s an element of grief and an element of panic. I think partly it’s because having all the kids home reminded me that my main job (taking care of all the kids), which has long-since stopped being a full-time position, is ever continuing to diminish—which makes me look around at what is left. I am a middle-aged woman who plays phone games, works part-time at a library for an increasingly intolerable supervisor, messes around online, and shops. I am going to need to find the More.

Commenter Leo had a fun suggestion on the New Year’s Eve post:

I recommend resolution bingo! 24 concrete resolutions arranged on a bingo board. Less pressure, cause if you fail one, oh well, you can still get bingo. Concrete goals (“read 25 books” instead of “read more”) so that you get to tick them off. I tend to fill it with things I’d like to do, but have never got around to. Highly recommend!

Some of my coworkers did this last year, and they even made a Bingo board for me (they were hand-drawing them, as a little art project); but last year it hadn’t been even two months since the presidential election, and I couldn’t face doing much of anything. I’m not sure I can face it this year, either, but I can face it enough to be interested in Alyson’s suggestion that we do a post to collect ideas for anyone who might want to try it.

My coworkers were doing a mix of resolutions, some more fun and some less fun, and scattering them strategically; so that, for example, they would need to do “attend session of [new exercise type offered at the gym they already attend]” in order to get a bingo on the strip also populated by “get ice cream at [new local ice cream place].” If I remember correctly, they put “make Resolutions Bingo Card” as the center square. Commenter BKC mentioned a goal of sending more birthday cards, which feels perfect for the bingo card: you could make it, say, “send three birthday cards,” so that you know when you can check it off. Or send ONE birthday card, or send EIGHT, depending on where your goal is.

Here are the other bingo squares I remember, starting with the ones I just mentioned so they don’t get lost separated from the list:

• try a new exercise class at a gym you already attend
• try a new ice cream place
• send three birthday cards
• try a new cookie recipe
• see a particular movie
• try a particular TV series
• clean one kitchen cabinet
• clean one drawer
• buy flowers
• plant tulip bulbs
• plant wildflowers
• choose a new comforter/quilt
• try ax-throwing
• try an escape room
• try a new restaurant
• try one non-fiction book, and at least skim all the way to the end
• try an audio book
• go out to eat with a friend
• go out for coffee with a friend
• write a physical letter to someone
• go to an author event
• hike three different trails
• get a tattoo

And of course, again, any of the ones that mention numbers can be changed to DIFFERENT numbers. Maybe you hike three different trails before February, so you need something more ambitious to be interesting. Maybe you already send a dozen snail-mail letters a year and want to increase it to TWO dozen. Etc.

Similarly, maybe you already plant tulip bulbs, but you want to expand your planting, so your square needs to say “expand tulip-bulb planting” to count. Maybe you already routinely buy flowers, so you want to change your square to “buy flowers for someone else.” Etc.

Also, remember you can use the same idea for more than one square, as long as they are DIFFERENT completions of the same task. So you can have “send three birthday cards” on there TWICE, and after you send three you can check off ONE of the squares, and after you send three more you can check off the SECOND square.

(I hope I’m not overly spelling this out. We had one coworker who was having a hard time grasping some of the concepts.)

I think this is going to be the real heart of the post: we would love to hear EVERYONE ELSE’S suggestions for square goals.

I saw a suggestion online that New Year’s Eve was a good day to go through your Facebook friends and do some editing. I went through mine, but didn’t have anyone to edit. I did notice I am now up to four Facebook friends who are…er, no longer with us. I do not want to delete them. But this is a new situation to figure out, as we get older and more and more of our Facebook friend list is…In Memoriam.

Speaking of New Year’s Eve: in Times Such as These, I can see going either way on New Year’s resolutions. I can imagine someone resolving to Take Action (Postcards to Voters! letters to Congress! the midterms!!), or I can imagine These Times serving as motivation for resolutions about getting physically stronger. I find myself on the side of I Can’t Face It. If I WERE going to make resolutions, they would ONLY be the small and/or fun kinds: like, I can sort of imagine resolving to spend five minutes on the exercise bike each day OR I can imagine resolving to subscribe to a monthly sticker club or learn to make a new cocktail—things like that. I’m not going to do even those small/fun resolutions. But I cannot imagine resolving to do anything harder or less fun.

Another year gone, and I can’t believe how many years of our lives have been dominated by a cruel fool. It has been good at least to go through it together, and to have hope of a different future. Let’s continue to stick together, and let’s keep two bottles of champagne in the fridge: one for the new year, and one for that special day. Onward into 2026.

I am continually surprised by how confident many obituary writers are about what has happened after the death of the loved one—not even just the confident assertion that the loved one is definitely for sure in the good place, but even more specific declarations such as “was met at the gates of Heaven by her mother, sister, and beloved terrier Angela.” My friends, we do not have that level of detail about the intake process.

It is less than a week until Christmas and I am not going to panic. Today I sneaked my Secret Santa gift into work, and also passed around the Trader Joe’s giant foil-wrapped coins I bought everyone. I liked the mini spatula idea best, but I searched multiple stores and couldn’t find them at a reasonable price or in multipacks; I think I needed to plan further ahead. Another idea I considered was dividing a easy-native-wildflower seed mix into baggies, but I (1) left that one too late as well and (2) was a little unsure about the logistics. Also, some of my coworkers are in apartments, so the framing would have to be stealth-planting, and I actually don’t know much about that. Should I make seed-balls? I don’t know. It started to seem like A Lot. Probably mini spatulas are more my thing, or seed-ball kits someone else put together.

Paul bought a gigantic cabinet humidifier for the house without discussing it with me. It is like having a couple of large fans on, and I am experiencing noise fatigue. Also: it woke me up before 4:00 this morning by cycling on and off every few minutes. I would start to drift back to sleep and then the fan would vroom back into life; I would start to drift off again, and the fan would shut off abruptly into silence. Eventually I unplugged it, but at that point there was no hope of getting back to sleep. Paul investigated and found that the water bin wasn’t installed quite right. I feel like when a huge loud appliance encounters an issue, it should not KEEP LOUDLY TRYING EVERY FEW MINUTES FOR HOURS. I FEEL LIKE AFTER A COUPLE OF UNSUCCESSFUL TRIES IT SHOULD SHUT THE HELL OFF AND FLASH A LITTLE ERROR LIGHT OR SOMETHING.

Suddenly it’s ten days until Christmas and as usual I feel caught off-guard. Most of it will get done “automatically,” in the sense that stress and necessity will drive me to, for example, wrap all the presents sometime between now and Christmas, and I don’t feel as if I need to actively plan for that.

But also: I still need the small coworker gifts (sometime between 2022 and now I stopped using a hyphen in the word coworker, and it made it nearly impossible to search for that post), and I don’t have any good ideas this year, or at least not for anything I can get here in time. I can fall back on the “festive baggie containing a cocoa packet and a snack-pack of cookies and a foil-wrapped chocolate,” so that’s fine, stress-wise, but it would be nice to think of something more fun/interesting. On Wednesday I’m going to Trader Joe’s; maybe this year everyone gets one of the giant foil-wrapped chocolate coins. No one cares. Anything is fine.

I also need to buy a Secret Santa gift for one coworker, and I do have an idea for that, but I need to go to a physical store to get it, and it might not still be there (I should have bought it when I saw it) (it’s a cozy blanket) (I’m not saying it’s a fresh original ultra-personalized idea, but I AM saying this is a blanket that was fought over at a swap where no one ever swaps because everyone is worried about hurting everyone’s feelings) (I did not win it, and I KNEW I wouldn’t win it, so I surreptitiously took a photo of the fabric tag and I TRACKED IT DOWN and bought myself one) (it’s a Nido Notte throw, if you’re interested) (I found it at HomeGoods/Marshalls). If I’ve waited too long and the blanket is gone, I am screwed. …No, I am not screwed. Everything is fine. She doesn’t truly deep-down care what I buy her. I can pick anything, even a bad gift, even a gift-manufactured-only-to-be-a-gift, and it will still be fine.

And I’d like to buy something for Edward’s infusion nurses. We see them every 4-6 weeks year after year, and my favorite is to bring in a couple of big shopping bags of individually-pre-wrapped snacks (cookies, crackers, chips), and individual canned/bottled coffee drinks, and candy, all of which they can keep for themselves or put in the break room or whatever. Edward is going for an infusion this Friday, so I need to get that together by then.

And we have connections to a kid who could use a boost, and I am trying to figure that out. By kid I mean a 20-year-old, a classmate of the twins. Elizabeth alerted me to the kid’s situation; the situation is both dire and hopeful. I think I can summarize without violating privacy, by saying this is a kid who came from a conservative Christian household that had become increasingly abusive, and the kid has escaped, but it meant sacrificing both home and college. The kid is doing an impressive job figuring things out on their own: job, rickety used car, various places to stay—but you’re an adult, and you can imagine trying to pay bills with an entry-level job, and you can imagine trying to live in a great-aunt’s/cousin’s/friends’ guest room but not wanting to overstay that welcome. It’s hard to find just the right care package that says “Gosh I wish everything was different for you,” so that’s not the goal; the goal is to say “Hi, here are some baked things at a festive time of year OH GOD I WISH EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT FOR YOU and also here are some festive candy canes and a lip balm and a peppermint hand lotion PLEASE BE OKAY and some jolly mittens and warm socks!!” Also I am going to figure out a way to send some anonymous cash.

This feels like an awkward segue after that last paragraph, but I tried to rearrange and that was even worse (“I need something for this desperate kid, and also a Secret Santa blankie!”), and I do still truly wish to know what is still on your to-do list. And if you have any ideas for my coworkers. There are nearly twenty of them, so I am looking in the $2-3 range per person, which is a difficult range for satisfaction and joy, so I am aiming merely for holiday good will and festive gesture.

This is a very pared-down version of the post I used to do. I used to have lots of fun looking for a lot of calendar options for lots of different people/rooms (the kids’ rooms, the kitchen, next to my computer; also gifts for various people). Then that stopped being fun for unknowable reasons, and the kids lost interest and I started needing only one calendar just for my kitchen (perhaps these were the unknowable reasons), so I decided to stop doing the calendar post entirely—i.e., no calendar post at all, because who wants to just look at only the calendars I’M considering for MY KITCHEN? Then I started doing a post of just the calendars I’m considering for my kitchen. And now there’s been another step down, and this post is basically “Which of the calendars I’ve bought in previous years for my kitchen will I buy again this year for my kitchen?” Onward:

(image from Amazon.com)

Feline: Terry Runyan cat calendar. I’ve had this one either once or twice before. I liked it and might very well buy it again.

(image from Amazon.com)

Esté MacLeod calendar. I’ve had this one either once or twice before. I liked it and might very well buy it again.

(image from Amazon.com)

Kate Heiss wall calendar. I had this one in 2025. I liked it and might very well buy it again—except that I feel a resistance to having the same calendar two years in a row. But I still want to put it into my cart and think about it.

(image from Amazon.com)

The Illustrated Animal Kingdom calendar. The main thing that stops me from buying this very satisfying calendar a second time is that I can’t tell if this is maybe the exact same set of pictures I had last time. It’s certainly the exact same cover. (I just compared notes, and I can’t say for sure because the one I had in 2024 only shows ten of the pages on the back—but eight of the ten from 2024 are duplicated on the 2026 calendar.) Also: my grocery store has this calendar for $9.99, so I am not sure where Amaz0n gets off selling it for $19.73. Being able to buy it from my grocery store instead of from Amaz0n is a point in its favor.

(image from Amazon.com)

Joyful Landscapes calendar. I keep adding this to my cart each year, then feeling funny about it and removing it. Theoretically it’s what I like, but. I guess it feels as if it is trying too hard to be what people like me would like.

(image from Amazon.com)

Colorful Landscapes calendar. Same deal as with Joyful. I keep thinking “Oh, this is extremely my thing!,” and then having second thoughts. I guess I must feel seen but in a bad way.

(image from Amazon.com)

William Morris calendar. Basically wallpapers. I have had several such calendars and they have all been surprisingly satisfying and peaceful.

(image from Amazon.com)

Flora & Fauna calendar. I mean, basically that is what I want. Flora. And/or fauna.

(image from Amazon.com)

GuassLee cat calendar. I have not had this calendar before. But I do have this cat.

(If you want to be calendar twins with me this coming year: I published this post, and then proof-read it and tested all the links, and while doing so decided on the Esté MacLeod.)

I am getting Christmassing done LEFT AND RIGHT. I have the cards out on the dining room table, and I am chipping away at them. (I LIKE doing cards, but only if I do them in batches.) Yesterday I did my big Trader Joe’s trip, where I buy a bunch of their holiday items for stockings and also to have on hand to add to other gifts: I like to add one of their one-pound chocolate bars to the gift card for the mail carrier; last year I added one of their cute small tins of those long tubey cookies to a Secret Santa gift that seemed sparse; when a kid had a friend stay with us for a couple of days during Christmas break, I had a little giftie to send home with them; when a co-worker unexpectedly gave me a little gift, I had a selection of little gifts on hand for giving them one back; when I had an impulsive coffee date with a friend, I had some treats to put out on the coffee table.

What I’m trying to tell you is that I vastly overdo it: those exciting successes of earlier years mean I am UNLEASHED in the moment. I buy EVERYTHING. Then I end up with quite a bit of extra. But also: there are seven of us here over Christmas break, so we can eat anything I don’t end up giving away. Also this year they had GIANT gold-wrapped chocolate coins, $2.49 each. GIANT GOLD-WRAPPED COINS.

This year I had an especially fun quest, because Paul’s sister mentioned the following things: (1) that she LOVES Trader Joe’s and the nearest one to where she lives now is four hours away; (2) that she’s always questing for interesting flavors of crackers and chips; (3) that because she is a vegetarian and also someone who has trouble keeping weight on (I know we might usually hate this, but it hugely helps that she is so medical about it—like it is a reason for concern, not a reason to tee-hee and preen), she eats a lot of nuts and seeds for the calories/nutrition. Well. I don’t know if you have a Trader Joe’s near you (THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST), but they have a whole aisle of interesting nuts and seeds. I bought her every weird flavor I could find. Peppermint yogurt almonds! Chili garlic cashews! Caramel coffee almonds! Pumpkin-spiced pumpkin seeds! Plus pumpkin-cranberry crackers and a couple other kinds of crackers that came in small packages. These are not all going to fit in the large flat-rate box.

Plus I got an amaryllis. And a bottle of Cedar Balsam room spray. And peppermint hand soap. It was a festive trip, and I came home a little buzzed.

Hey, so, every year I get Target gift cards for various people: it’s pretty much down to the mail carrier and the UPS guy now, but this used to include, for example, the kids’ karate instructor, or a kid’s piano teacher, or my physical therapist. Now that I am mad at Target (that understates it, but this is supposed to be a festive post), I don’t know what gift cards to get. What I liked about the Target card was that someone could get groceries and other necessities, or they could get fun stuff and gifts, depending on their financial situation. (I’m totally willing to give cash, but lots of professions are not allowed to accept cash?? for some reason?? even though they are allowed to accept gift cards??? I don’t get it but I am trying to follow the rules.)

Amaz0n doesn’t seem better but maybe it is. Wa1mart doesn’t seem better but maybe it is. I’ve seen those Visa gift cards, but I don’t understand how they work, and some of them seem to expire and/or have fees. Maybe a card for one of the local coffee/doughnut shops, but that feels harder to spend, and a lot of people who DO go to coffee shops are loyal to a particular place. Maybe the local grocery store, but that doesn’t feel festive; but it’s also low-risk that they can’t/won’t use it. I do know people can pass on gift cards to others (and lots of charities accept them as donations, including our local food/clothing pantry), but it would be nice to increase the chances of pleasing the recipient. If you too are mad at Target, and you have a few gift-card recipients on your list, what are you doing about that?

While I have you here, do any of you have experience with the kind of razor where you replace the blade yourself, and not with a designed refill-head but with a plain old cheap razor blade? One of the kids would like to try that out. I suspect he will end up learning why people buy the multi-blade replacement heads, so I don’t want to spend a lot of money, but I think it’s a fun thing to try so I do want to buy him one. Maybe up to $20?

I know cats vary considerably, and one cat’s favorite toy is another cat’s no thank you, but I impulsively bought this cardboard cat gingerbread house with my last Chewy order, and it has been a hit with ALL FOUR CATS (I sprinkled cat nip on the floor of it to help with the introduction):

(image from Chewy.com)

They sit in it! They scratch in it! They play in it! They get huffy about whose turn it is! It makes a delightful Christmas decoration and photo op! I bought it on sale for $11 and when it starts to wear out I will be looking for another sale cardboard house to replace it.