I’m not sure how long I’ve been reading Kim at Laments & Observations, but I remember when she posted that her stepdad-in-law had given them $10,000 for a last-ditch attempt at having a baby, and that was in January of 2009 so it’s been at least a year. There were several parts of that post that got to me: her saying that she wanted one of those baby things about as much as she wanted to keep breathing, and her talking about how the stepdad-in-law was too cheap to buy eggs for a batch of cookies but had asked if he could help them pay for fertility treatments.

Re-reading the post, I get kind of teary about it again. And especially because it’s a year later, and we know what we didn’t know then, which is that the fertility treatments wouldn’t end up working.

The next step is adoption. More than half a year has gone by, and I started wondering if Kim’s personality is similar to mine on things like this: I face something unfamiliar and I freeze up. Part of it is fear of not knowing what to expect, and part of it is fear of what might go wrong, and part of it is fear of going through all that and still not getting what I hope for, and part of it is a reluctance to start doing all the boring/difficult crap that needs to be done, and part of it is just FREEZING UP and who knows why. Obviously the right way to get started is to GET STARTED: if I don’t know what to do, I need to FIND OUT; and if crap needs to be done, best get it over with. And yet do I? No. I’m frozen.

What works for me is fret-blogging to access our collective knowledge. I might not be able to face making plans for a trip, but I can put all my frets about it into a post. And then one person says, “I don’t know about the hotel, but I can tell you that taxis are a flat-rate $50 from the airport.” And someone else says, “I don’t know about taxis, but I can tell you that what I did about a room was book one myself and then then I found a roommate she sent me a check for half.” And all these bits of information come together until I have enough basic and specific knowledge to unfreeze and start to take action. Plus I feel motivated to do something so I can give updates: it feels as if other people are invested.

So I emailed Kim and asked if she was like this and she said yes, and I said can I help by posting about it and she said yes. I would really like Kim to have a child, and I feel the urge to help, and I have a feeling that “wanting a child” is a common enough feeling that a lot of us can empathize—and can turn that empathy into assistance.

Mostly what’s needed here is ANY TIDBIT YOU HAVE. Do you have information about adoption? Did you adopt? Are you trying to adopt? Did someone you know adopt or are they trying to adopt? Have you HEARD stuff or READ stuff about adoption? Do you happen to know the FIRST STEP, because I think that is the hardest part.

What can someone expect from a home inspection—is it really awful and invasive and humiliating and do you get docked points for dog hair? What other parts are there to the process? About how long does it take, and are there ways to speed it up?

How much does it cost? And how do people afford it if they don’t have much money but would make such a good home for a child? And are there ways to reduce the costs?

How possible is it to get a newborn? How about a very young child, like say 18 months or under? What are the different kinds of adoption—like, there’s the kind where you adopt a foster child from the state, right? and the kind where you adopt from a woman who calls an agency and says she wants to give her baby for adoption? and the kind where you adopt from another country? And is it all different answers/procedures for all those different kinds?

Adoption stuff varies so much by state, and Kim and her husband live in South Carolina so of course the MOST useful information would be from anyone who knows about South Carolina adoptions—but ALL information is useful to the unfreezing process. Don’t feel awk about saying, “Er, I only know this one teensy detail I heard about Wyoming adoptions…”—OUT WITH IT! We want to know it all! Help!

[Edited to say more what I wanted to say.]

I’m tired of the words “avid” and “voracious” being used so surprisingly often before the word “reader.” It’s a pet peeve of mine. It particularly surprises me because those adjective/noun pairings are so overused, I would expect that an actual avid/voracious reader would be just as sick of it as I am.

How’s that? Better?

There are still a few things I buy at Walmart, despite everything. Most of them are things I can’t find elsewhere, or things that are SUCH A GOOD DEAL I CAN’T STAND IT. For example, Paul goes through more pickle relish than you would believe, and it costs $2 per regular-sized container, but Walmart had an industrial size (a gallon, I think) for $3.50. (Our Walmart doesn’t have that anymore, in case you are a relish lover who is already putting on your coat and getting your purse.)

Another is imitation vanilla extract. I use real vanilla too, but I’d just as soon use the imitation stuff in certain things, like flavoring Vanilla Sugar Milk (a “recipe” my brother and I came up with in childhood, which is adding sugar and vanilla to…well, to milk). I also use it in recipes that call for a TON of it: I have a no-bake cookie recipe that uses 1 TABLESPOON of vanilla, and that just seems like a whole heck-ton more vanilla than any recipe needs, so I use 1 teaspoon of real and 2 teaspoons of fake.

ANYWAY, Walmart carries an 8-ounce bottle of fake vanilla extract for 99 cents. That is CHEAP, my friend: our grocery store has a 2-ounce bottle of fake and it costs $2.00. Walmart, 13 cents an ounce; grocery store, $1.00 an ounce. The last few times I’ve been there, though, they haven’t had it. (This is another way in which Walmart drives me nuts: great prices, but then no stock for months on end.)

So today I was feeling frustrated about that, and frustrated with my inability to find it anywhere else at a price that didn’t make me feel like throwing a tantrum. That’s when it occurred to me to check Amazon. And look what I found:

A 3-pack of 32-ounce bottles! For $16.54! That’s 17 cents per ounce! Only 4 cents/ounce more than Walmart’s store brand, and this is brand name!

Well, sure, that is a LOT of vanilla flavoring, but it doesn’t seem to go bad and I do go through a lot of it. Plus, it keeps me from having to keep checking Walmart for it; it keeps me from having to buy it for $1.00/ounce from the grocery store in the meantime; and it helps me with my goal of reducing the number of things I buy at Walmart.

Do you remember last October when I wrote about how Walmart sells sneakily smaller packages for their “lower prices,” so that they often actually cost MORE while bragging that they cost less? I used the example of Luvs diapers, which Walmart packages 70 to a box while Target puts 80 in a box: it SEEMS like the Walmart box costs less—if you don’t happen to notice there are fewer diapers.

WELL. Reader Christine sent me another example:

I thought you would get a kick out of this one, please see the attached picture. I bought packs of Quilted Northern, 12 rolls each with identical packaging, one from each store. The roll on the left is Target, the one on the right is Wal Mart.

Pretty funny huh?

(photo by Christine)

This morning I made four phone calls that have been on my to-do list for…um, a long time. These weren’t even SCARY phone calls like calling about a denied claim or a statement error or a lost payment, these were absolutely standard, non-scary, making-normal-appointment calls.

One call had only been waiting two weeks for me to make it. That’s the one where I need to schedule an evaluation for Rob with the orthodontist to see if he’s ready now for braces. They sent me a little reminder card and it’s been sitting on the counter for two weeks.

I couldn’t make the orthodontist call until I’d made Rob an appointment with the dentist. We discovered that his “brushing his own teeth” was NOT GOING WELL. The school does dental screenings and sent a note home, and I took a look for myself and was APPALLED. And this brought up my Dentist Anxiety, which is that dentists seem to charge me until I run out of money, so I don’t like to go see them unless there is pain. Anyway, we discovered the tooth situation 9 months ago, so that’s how long that second call has been waiting. I could have GROWN AN ENTIRE BABY in that amount of time.

The third call is an eye exam for myself. My current glasses are so covered in teensy scratches it’s like they’re foggy. I can’t really say how long this call has been waiting for me to make it, but the last time I had an eye exam and new glasses, third-grade William was still in an infant carrier so that’ll give you a general idea.

The fourth call I made because I was on a roll: it’s so much easier to make calls when I am already making calls, so I made the cat her vet appointment for next month.

I made these calls about 2 hours ago and my legs are still jittery and my underarms are still damp.

I have been trying to think of ways to conquer this phone problem, since it negatively affects my life. The nickel-psychology is that you’re supposed to Face Your Fear and then you will stop being scared, but I’ve been making phone calls for more than a quarter-century and I’m still scared. I even worked as a RECEPTIONIST, and if that doesn’t thoroughly explore the Extinction Through Exposure method I don’t know what does.

In thinking about it, I realized that one of my MAIN stressors is not being able to hear very well on the phone. It’s partly the inevitable household noises, partly the connection, partly a silly reluctance to say “What?” (and a near-inability to say it more than once), and partly anxiety levels that make it even harder to process what I’m hearing. Our phone is already cranked up as high as it will go, volume-wise, but surely there are phones made for, like, older people, and surely those phones can be turned up to “thinks young people are always MUMBLING” levels.

In fact, a minute’s research on Amazon told me what to search for: “amplified telephone.” Here’s a likely-looking fellow: Clarity Amplified Phone, for mild to moderate hearing loss. It says the volume can be turned up to 18 decibels; it would be helpful to know the decibel level of a regular phone for comparison. There’s another one that’s more than twice the price but goes up to 43 decibels, so perhaps 18 decibels is for sissies. Or I could get the cordless one (30 decibels) for a price in between the other two.

Another idea: hire a receptionist.

I had a vivid dream last night that I had less than a week to live and that I was mentally composing a blog post where I asked you what you thought I should do/leave for the kids—like, videotapes or letters or what. Ack.

I’ve been feeling very Low and Listless the last few days. I’m self-medicating with coffee and with the recipe my sister-in-law sent me for popovers. It’s from The Joy of Cooking, and the asides are hers:

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Preheat oven to 450. Grease a standard 12 cup muffin pan or 12 six ounce custard cups. If using custard cups dust with flour, sugar, or grated Parmesan cheese.

Whisk together thoroughly in a large bowl:
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt

Whisk together in another bowl:
2 large eggs
1 1/4 cups milk
1 tbsp warm melted butter
Pour over the flour mixture and fold just until blended. A few small lumps may remain (Me=HA! Lots of lumps remained.) Fill the cups 2/3 to 3/4 full. Fill any unfilled cups 1/3 full with water so pan doesn’t burn.

Bake for 15 minutes at 450 degrees then reduce oven temperature to 350 and bake for 20 minutes more, until well browned and crusty. Do not open the oven to check on the popovers until the last 5 minutes to avoid deflating them. Remove from the oven, unmold onto a rack, and puncture the sides with a sharp knife to let steam escape. Serve immediately and TOTALLY RUIN YOUR DINNER BUT IT IS WORTH IT or return to a turned-off oven for up to 30 minutes for extra crispness.

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They’re easy to make and fun to watch in the oven because they PUFF UP. I like them with Nutella—also the sister-in-law’s suggestion. I think they’d be most perfect for breakfast, dipped in maple syrup. Or if I were having people over for dinner (ha ha ha) I think they’d make a fun surprising dinner roll.

On the way home from a shopping trip last weekend, I spontaneously stopped at the animal shelter to look at kitties. Well, as spontaneously as I ever do things, which is to say I thought about it on and off for weeks, then told the kids we MIGHT stop that day, then decided three miles before the shelter to stop there for sure, then reminded the kids it might not even be open, then wondered if I should change my mind, then used my right turn signal well in advance of the turn.

They didn’t have any kittens; apparently kittens are seasonal. Did you know that? That kittens are like produce? The shelter worker said we could start to call in mid-March to inquire as to kitten ripeness.

We’ve mostly decided to get a kitten, but we looked at the cats. I saw one I was drawn to, but she was already taken. I saw several more I liked well enough to get to know them better, but they were labeled as being for homes with no children or no other cats. Another was very nice but was 13 years old. Another was very nice but was in a bonded pair with a cat I didn’t like as much. I was happy not to find The Perfect Cat yet, since the shopping experience is so fun.

“I don’t care who started it.”

“No, I don’t want to hear any more tattling. You just worry about YOUR behavior and let ME worry about HIS.”

“You can tell me what he’s doing if he’s bleeding or on fire.”

“What is it now? Did I carve it in stone? No? Then find something else to do or I’LL find something. Listen, I need to get some WORK DONE today, and I CAN’T if you keep BOTHERING me.”

“I am truly glad when you take into account what I might or might not condone, but it doesn’t matter one half of one rat’s buttular region what YOU condone—or, even less important, MIGHT APPEAR TO condone. Are you the parent here? No. So are you in charge? No.”

“I SAID NO MORE TATTLING!!! That’s it, go clean your room!”

I have been meaning to give you an update on the reusable pad situation for AGES.

The short version: It’s going great and I love them.

The long version: What I did was, I ordered 1 or 2 pads from each of a bunch of Etsy sellers. I didn’t know what I was doing AT ALL and just tried to get an assortment of sizes and shapes. After trying them out I discovered my favorite type was long, hourglass-shaped, waterproof layer, stitched all around. My top favorites are the regular pads and long liners sold by SugarMonkies.

Here is what surprised me: I PREFER the cloth pads. I would RATHER use them. I’d thought I was making a Noble And Laudable Sacrifice For The Environment, but it turns out I like the cloth ones BETTER and would now choose them even if they were WORSE for the environment. Disposable pads are to cloth pads as disposable underwear is to cloth underwear: the cloth pads are so comfy and nice. This is not the way I’d expected things to be.

If you think you might interested in trying pads but you have reservations and concerns, what I suggest is buying just one or two. When I was considering switching, I got all overwhelmed about it—like, I must CHOOSE THE BEST KIND and then I must BUY A FULL EXPENSIVE SUPPLY and then I must COMMIT TO A STRANGE NEW WASHING ROUTINE, and then what if I don’t like them after all, OH WHAT THEN?? So I kept wringing my hands and putting it off. But there is no need to rush and/or commit. Take it slowwwwww.

Last time we talked, a few people mentioned the problem of not wanting to carry home used pads from work or a long day out of the house. Dear me, no, I wouldn’t want to either. You can use the cloth pads at home and the disposable kind when you’re out, or whatever combination works for you. There is no need to Fully Convert.

Same with Flow Issues: if you try a cloth pad and find them Insufficient (though I’ve found the ones with a waterproof layer to be the same sufficiency as disposables), you could use disposables early on and cloth later when things lighten up.

Perhaps you hate pads and only use tampons? Then cloth pads are not for you: they are a substitute for disposable pads. If you use a little liner with your tampon or in the last days of your period, though, there are little cloth liners available.

And perhaps you hate the whole idea and don’t want to try it or think about it and in fact right now you have the squeemies and feel like you need to go wash your hands? Dude, you will not hear WORD ONE from me about it. Each of us does the mix of Good For The Environment stuff that makes the most sense for our individual situations, and just because this one makes sense for me doesn’t mean I think it makes sense for you. Look at all the good stuff YOU do that I don’t do.

There are lots of ways to wash them, so I picked the one that most appealed to me. I start by buying the pads in medium or dark colors, which helps tremendously. I rinse each one in cold water, then wring it out and put it in a net lingerie bag hanging in the bathroom closet. When my period is over, I put the pads in a low, cold load of wash with a cup of vinegar and a full load’s worth of detergent, and I let them swish on the vigorous cycle and then soak for a few hours or overnight. Then I set the water level on high and add other clothes to make a full load and then run it (still cold water). Some people line-dry them; I put them through the dryer. If they don’t get completely dry, I put them in again with the next load of clothes I’m drying.

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Edit to add some questions from the comments section:

-R- asks:

How do they stay in place? They look like they might snap underneath?

Yes, all the ones I use have little wings that snap together on the other side.

 

Jessica asks:

1. when they snap around the crotch, do they slide from front to back? without adhesive like disposables is this a problem?
2. cleaning: is it kind of icky to rinse out or no big deal. Do you use your bare hands and your bathroom sink (I assume you would)?
3. Does Paul mind seeing the used-awaiting-laundry bag (see-through mesh I assume) when he opens the closet?

1. They do slide a little. I generally adjust each time I go to the bathroom. This is one reason I prefer pads that are on the LONG side, and also why I prefer the hourglass shape, which seems to slide less.

2. The first time I had to rinse one I felt kind of RESISTANT about it, but then it turned out to be no big deal. Yes, I use bare hands and bathroom sink.

3. He doesn’t mind the bag in the closet (it’s with the linens and spare bathroom supplies, so he rarely goes in there), but he doesn’t like to find a pad soaking in the sink. I guess I wouldn’t either, if it were someone else’s pad.

 

Ashley asks:

I go through several pads in a day (I like tampons at night), so does than mean I’d need the same amount of reusables a day? Do they last longer or do they get gross fast?

I find I go through about the same number of reusable as I did disposable. At first I was going to count and compare so I’d know for sure, but it turned out I was too forgetful to keep track. They’re less stainy and easier to rinse out if you change them more often.

 

Wendy asks:

I find myself balking at the prices. Since you have researched this, what links offered the cheapest options?

One thing I like about SugarMonkies is that her shipping is only $1.50, which is nice if you’re just trying one pad or if you’re buying a lot. She takes 10% off custom orders of three or more, which is nice if you decide to use them and start stocking up. Her prices are also the most reasonable to begin with. Randumosity has free shipping on sale pads, so that’s like a deal on top of a deal, and also you get one free if you buy three—so I would buy three sale pads, get a fourth sale pad free, AND get free shipping. I also had some success buying “seconds” from various sellers—pads that work just fine but that had little stitching errors. That’s kind of hit-and-miss, though—when I was first buying pads I found three or four of them, but I did a quick search now and didn’t find much.

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But the MOST IMPORTANT POINT here is that the cloth pads are WAY CUTER. And most sellers do custom orders, so you can pick the fabrics you like best.

SugarMonkies (my favorites):

Randumosity:

Epicerma:

Would you like to hear some advice? —This, by the way, is how my mom prefaces advice, and I recommend it for mothers of grown daughters. I always say yes, but it establishes that I have the OPTION to say no (note: this only works if the mother does not go right on with the advice even if the daughter says no) and that I also have the option to completely reject said advice and that she REALIZES all this, which puts down my natural daughterly defenses. Also, it allows me to make some pre-advice requirements, such as “Only if it’s NOT ____” or “Yes, but I want to warn you that I am feeling PRICKLY about this.”

Hm. In this format it works less well, because you can’t say yes or no and I know it, and because I’m going to tell you anyway, and also because you can’t make pre-advice requirements. …I’ll come in again.

Hey, I have some advice! Feel free to disregard it and/or modify it to your own requirements, of course! But here it is! Don’t feed a barfy child!

This is a lesson we learned with Child One, but we have had to relearn it occasionally. The child seems so ILL, and he/she has been throwing up all his/her nourishment so it seems like he she MUST EAT or surely he/she will be in MORTAL DANGER! But no. Our children have occasionally declined food for DAYS and never even look thinner.

Of course I don’t mean DEPRIVE the child of food if the child WANTS food. But our error is always trying to tempt or even COERCE the non-hungry, non-food-wanting child into eating because we feel in our panicky parental way that it is necessary to sustain life. This just makes more work and suffering (i.e., barfing) for everyone.

The very minute the first barfing occurs, we stop all dairy, meat, citrus, and fibrous produce. No pudding, no yogurt, no milk, no cheese, no chicken, no oranges, no orange juice, no grape/apple/etc. skins, no pineapple or whatevs. All those things make barf WAY worse than it has to be. We feed from this list:

• apple juice
• water
• applesauce
• bananas
• saltines
• graham crackers
• rice cereal for babies, Rice Chex for older kids
• toast with the tiniest bit of butter and/or jam and/or peanut butter

A child who has thrown up has to wait ten minutes to have anything to drink, and then they get water or apple juice in small amounts with breaks in between to be gentle to the recovering tummy. After thirty minutes they may try something small to eat (one saltine, for example), and then they have to wait twenty minutes before they can have anything else—again, to be respectful to the sensitive tummy. After 24 hours of no throwing up, they can go back to regular foods.

Obviously this is not a good and balanced diet for long-term use: we use it only for the kind of barfing that lasts 1-3 days, gradually improves rather than worsens, and doesn’t give us any reason to call in a doctor. And NONE of this is for babies who are still breastfeeding or bottlefeeding—this is all for older children. And OBVIOUSLY I am not any kind of medical professional (I have to think first in order to correctly use a toy stethoscope). But this is the Barf Plan we implement at our house, and it has greatly reduced the Barf Distress around here.

The winner of the box of misc. Valentine’s stuff is The Princess of Quite a Lot! Email me, sweet girl, and I will get this stuff on its way to you. Swistle! at! gmaildotcom!

Elizabeth’s hair is driving me batty. It is SO flyaway, and then she leaps around and rubs her head on the couch so she gets this NEST OF IMPOSSIBLE on her head. I try putting it in barrettes or ponytails, but her hair is so fine even the extra-grippy-for-fine-hair barrettes come right out—or worse, half out, so her hair is flyaway AND has things caught in it. I’ve tried detangling sprays and anti-frizz conditioners, but either they don’t work or they make her hair feel like there’s chalk dust in it.

Henry threw up last night. And before that, he and I and Elizabeth and Edward all shared a straw at Burger King. So. But what I’m HOPING, since there have been no further Incidents since last night, is that like Elizabeth he barfs when he has a fever (he had a fever last night) and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about a stomach virus.

Today I am in the mood for TREATS. I am having hazelnut-creamered coffee and Nutella’d bread right now, and I’m thinking of pizza for lunch. Then perhaps I’ll bake cookies. YES I am on the reminder week of the Pill, WHY DO YOU ASK.

I bought the most. beautiful. dishes at Target. So, so beautiful. Here are my breakfast dishes, before I added the Nutella bread:

Furthermore, they were 75% off. I liked them at full price, when they were $60 for 4 place settings. I wavered at half-price, and even went back a second time to waver some more. But when they were $14.98 they went home with me. I lovvvvvvvvvve them.