I’ve seen things now and then about the healing and stress-reducing power of touch: how healthcare providers and caretakers can do a surprising amount of good for the patient by even such small things as putting their hand on a patient’s shoulder, or touching them briefly on the upper arm. With one of my c-sections, there was some sort of trainee (EMT?) sitting in, and she offered to let me hold her hand while I was getting the epidural, and it helped so much, and I still remember it a quarter-century later.
And here’s the situation I’m going to apply that paragraph to: I had a very stressful dentist appointment yesterday. I was getting two crowns, and I was getting them with a new dentist, because our old dentist sold the practice between one of my appointments and the next. I had many, many anxieties. One was that I would barf when they used that dental goop to make impressions of the teeth; the dental assistant scolds me that I shouldn’t be thinking of it or planning for it, but the fact is that it’s happened twice (and I WASN’T thinking about it or planning for it the first time) so I feel like I have reason to think/plan—and also I feel like THEY should be GLAD to be forewarned. Second anxiety was of course ALL THE DRILLING, not to mention LONG NEEDLES INTO MY GUMS. Third was the part where they ask you to verify that the bite is right, and it takes a dozen or more tries, and novocaine is involved so it’s hard to tell, and also I have forgotten how I bite. Is it like this? Actually I can also bite like this. Perhaps my bite was off to begin with? Why does this process involve my inexpert subjective contribution??
Fourth anxiety was that the temporary crown would fall off while I waited for the permanent crowns, and I would have to keep going back and having them act like this is a surprising thing, and ask me if I was chewing a pencil or something when it happened. Fifth anxiety was the appointment in three weeks when the crowns were ready, and having to do the bite thing again. Sixth anxiety was the cost: they’d said they’d send me an estimate, but they hadn’t. What if the new dentist charged a lot more? Also: the old dentist had a discount for paying with a check instead of a credit card, but did the new dentist? I would need to bring the checkbook just in case, and I don’t carry a purse anymore so I guess I’m putting it in my back pocket? Maybe it will fall out. Seventh anxiety was that this was a brand new untested dentist (untested by me: he’s been practicing elsewhere for nearly a decade), and I was getting TWO CROWNS as my first experience with his work?? What if it was a disaster?? What if I should have switched practices the minute I heard that this one had been sold?? Why didn’t the old dentist WARN me he was leaving, so I could have quick gotten these crowns done with him?? And eighth anxiety was just THE WHOLE THING, EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, ABSOLUTELY ALL OF IT.
Here is the thing I found helpful: I concentrated on any element of human touch. I have to concentrate on SOMETHING while I’m lying there with nothing to do, and usually I concentrate on the sound and feel of the drill, and on worrying that I will suddenly start feeling pain and I will jolt upward and the drill will do something scary to my tooth/mouth, and on the indignity of drool, and on worrying that I am not holding my mouth open enough and/or I am holding it open ridiculously extra, and on the gross feel of the novocaine, and on where I should be putting my tongue and what if I accidentally put it right onto the drill. This time, instead, I concentrated on the way I could feel the assistant’s leg against my upper arm, and the dentist’s fingers on my mouth—sorry, it is kind of struggle to write this in a way that doesn’t sound unintentionally erotic; but you’ve had dental work done, you know we are not talking about that.
Once I started noticing those things, I found I was SIGNIFICANTLY relaxing. I felt my shoulders drop down to the back of the chair, and my breathing changed. I started thinking about things like how kind of amazing it is that two separate people with their four hands can somehow work together in the small area that is my mouth and on the even smaller area that is my tooth. They are working together SEAMLESSLY, without any bumping into each other! How much practice does that take? Do some dentists and some assistants work better together than others? I’m sure they DO. How do they TEST for that, when hiring? Do they do a trial run together, as part of the interview process? Are assistants in dental school trained using hands-on situations with dentists, and the dentist-teachers give them feedback on that? Are dentists likewise trained with feedback from experienced assistants?
I noticed that this new dentist keeps up a steady stream of pleases and thank yous with his assistant, and how nice that is to hear. I realized my old dentist did not do that—but also, I don’t think it’s that he wasn’t polite, I think it was that he’d been working with the same assistant for decades and they probably no longer needed much talking; I don’t remember him asking her for things, either. I noticed that the dentist and the assistant use much lower tones when they talk to each other than when they talk to me, and it’s interesting that they can hear each other over the sound of the drill—but probably they are saying expected things, which makes those things easier to hear. Like when I had a hearing test, and I told the technician I was only able to identify a word because I’d heard it earlier in a louder round, and she said that was on purpose. I noticed that both the dentist and the assistant spoke in soothing, calm voices, to each other and to me, and wondered if that too was part of dental-school training. I wondered if dentists with nicer voices were more successful than dentists with irritating voices.
What I am trying to say is that it shifted THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE. It was still, of course, very unpleasant and stressful—but my goal is not to CHANGE REALITY, my goal is only to cope with it better, and I coped with it much, much better. I think it’s partly the human-touch-reduces-stress thing—but also that focusing on the human touch made me focus on the human element. This is not just Me Having An Unpleasant Dental Procedure: there are two other people in this room, and they are doing interesting work, and how nice it is that there are people who train to do this interesting work so that we are not still in the era where I would be giving someone a chicken in exchange for having these two teeth pulled out with a pliers.
I’m so glad this went better for you than expected. I have to spread the good news that is there now exists a SCANNER that can take your impressions which eliminates the horrible tray of goo. I was dreading an orthodontist appointment for a night guard, and the relief that washed over me when they said oh we haven’t used that in YEARS, we have a little wand that just makes a 3D image of your teeth…
Yes! A miracle of scientific progress!
Two crowns at once is a lot. I just had a filling replaced and I was thinking no biggie going into it because I’ve had more complicated dental work (crowns, root canals) but I was surprised how unpleasant the whole experience was, for many of the reasons you cite.
Oh and here’s the kicker. I mentioned pain in one tooth at my last checkup and that was the reason for the filling replacement appointment, but it WAS THE WRONG TOOTH. Before he started, I mentioned the tooth that hurt was on the top, not the bottom where he was preparing to work and he said I had two crumbling fillings there but the one on the bottom was in worse shape so he was going to do that one instead/first. That tooth was cracked and I understand him wanting to take care of it before it turned into something more serious, but still.. it wasn’t bothering me and the one that was still does. I haven’t been able to force myself to make another appointment for that one.
Oh, this is THE PITS!!!
Oh gosh, that whole experience sounds dreadful and I’m so glad you found a great way to cope with it! I am with you on the human touch stuff. I had a 6 month checkup with my doctor about 2 weeks after my husband died, in 2021. I had to explain why I’d lost 10 pounds since my previous visit, and I told her about Dave and that I lost my appetite due to stress and grief.
She said, Can I give you a hug? And I almost started crying. I’d had no people around me, save for a visit from family 2 days after he died. I was desperate for any kind of human connection, and I still remember this kindness all these years later. She is still my doctor (FNP, actually) and I hope she never retires!
I am glad that your new strategy helped! I am getting a filling done next week and I’m going to try this out. I get so anxious about the dentist that I tense up my entire body and then I get a headache and it is fairly awful. Plus, my dentist who I loved sold his practice and both of his partners who I knew and liked moved on to other places and I don’t really like the new dentist. But finding another dentist feels like one thing too much right now.
Similarly, I had a nurse hold my hand during my C-section when I lost a lot of blood and got quite woozy (and gray, my husband said). It makes me cry still 12 years later.
Getting a crown is terrible. My dentist is “fine” but his assistant tends to sing/hum along with whatever music is on (along with talking a LOT) and I find this extremely grating. Also, the dentist always wants to test the bite one time and then run away, and it’s never right at first. He starts to get irritated but like, it isn’t my fault there appears to be an extra inch of tooth??
Thank you – I also have so much dental anxiety and any coping strategies I can keep in mind for my next appointment are very welcomed!! These are the Fears I run through in my head also, especially the jerking upwards with the drill in my mouth sort of thing. And the bite adjustment! “Does it feel right?” Who can say, especially when I am totally numb and two people are staring at me!
And my dentist still does the goopy tray for molds, maybe I should find someone more up to date.
Yesterday, I had a biopsy on my boob. It’s already stressful and awkward. Plus, I have frozen shoulder, so my neck is stiff for turning to the side. AND the first needle didn’t suck up a sample, so they had to redo it all. AND I almost cried when they couldn’t get it to work the first time, having flashbacks to being in the hospital for a month in Nov where I had a tumor on my adrenal gland and my body went BONKERS as a result. Anyway, during the ch-chunk part where I think the needle is inserted? and the part where he is vacuuming? a sample, the nurse? (she normally does the mammogram, i don’t know here title), rubbed my back which was really nice. Perhaps she was just holding me in place, but it helped. And when the radiologist left, he apologized for the first needle and rubbed my legs. I had to face the wall, so I couldn’t see anything that was going on, and I thought the farewell rub was comforting too.
(On the weird side, he didn’t greet me when he entered the room. Again, I was already on the table and couldn’t make eye contact, but dude, at least say good morning.)
Oh I love this post! (Except the part where you need dental work; it is truly the worst.)
My mom recently retired from a long career as a dental assistant, and I can speak to some of this… particular assistants and dentists will tend to work together at a practice, and they definitely benefit from the predictability of interactions. The assistant is watching closely and will generally be able to anticipate what the dentist needs. The room and trays will have been set up with the standard equipment for a given procedure on a certain tooth as well – and as far as I understand, it would be pretty uncommon for any given crown, or root canal, or extraction to go wildly different than expected. So the communication during the procedure is all pretty routine! I also love when I have a dentist who does pleases and thank yous all along. It’s just so friendly and warm while you’re sitting there all agape.
Oh I lovvvvvvvve getting a behind-the-scenes peek!! Thank you so much!
Post idea: getting specialists in various fields to share ‘behind-the-scenes-peeks’ into their work. I know this is something you (and probably many of us) like. I think you might have done a post like this before?
I’m not a big physical touch person. My co- teacher and I joke about how we don’t need to hug. I get my fill from my third graders. Side hugs for the win. But, I do appreciate getting the hugs. For 9 more days, then I’ll be happy alone!
This isn’t directly relevant to your post, but the part about being grateful to be past bartering a chicken for dental work made me think of it: my great-grandmother lived to be 98, and one time I was there when someone asked her one of those questions like, “What are the most amazing things you’ve seen in your lifetime?” She thought a moment and said, “Antibiotics, and underarm deodorant.”
That is awesome and totally understandable.
I’ve started to use dental appointments as relaxation/mindfulness exercises. It really does change the experience.
My doula held my hand during a scary moment with the birth of my second child and yeah, gonna love her forever for that.
Also I think a chicken would probably be cheaper than whatever money two crowns will cost you, but getting it into the car to go to the appointment with you seems like more hassle than it would be worth…
I am glad you got through the appointment by focusing on touch and their work style. Our minds are so amazing in how they can help us cope!. I do want to emphasize what at least one other person mentioned – many dentists now do “impressions” via a camera/radar (I don’t know the tech, it looks like a tiny wand they wave around the tooth to take pictures). No more gross goo. AND – it’s pretty common for dentists to now have a CEREC machine in the office where the permanent crown is made while you wait. No temp crown, no second appointment needed. Only saying in case the practice being sold had you considering looking for a new dentist – you could ask about this while researching.
I will definitely try this technique (focusing on the humanity in the room). It seems like something that will work for me, too.
I had a dental cleaning this week and there was new equipment. I’m hoping you or some of your readers might be able to tell me more about it. I have mixed feelings about the new equipment. I think it was an electric scaling device instead of manual ones.
Pros: After the cleaning was over, my teeth have never felt cleaner and my gums felt much less beat-up than usual.
Cons: Notably more discomfort and pain than usual. But the worst was the noise. Very loud and screechy inside my head, especially when my molars and wisdom teeth were being cleaned. I really would have liked to held someone’s hand.
I have some questions, if anyone knowledgable cares to weigh in.
1 – Is the new equipment known to be more effective?
2 – Do you think noise-cancelling headphones would help?
3 – Could I ask the hygienist to use manual tools instead? (The hygienest who did my cleaning this time was very young. I do wonder whether she’s been trained to be equally good with either set of equipment.)
I had that once and I about lost my mind with pain/sound/anxiety. I had to go back to them hand-scaling vs the machine. It’s a brutal little machine!
You have made a trip to the dentist into something so interesting and relatable.
Quite a few years ago (maybe 25 or more) I had a crown done, and the dentist provided video goggle things, so I could watch TV during the process. Very advanced for the time. It was an old episode of MASH, which for me is now inextricably associated with dental work.
During the best epidural I ever had (of 4 total) I sat up on the edge of the operating table and a big burly nice-smelling male nurse told me to just HUG him. (Instead of the usual with an anesthesiologist telling me to lay perfectly still OR ELSE. While in labor and in pain!) So leaned forward and put my arms around him and it helped ease the tension and stress of the upcoming operation. I wish every epidural could be like that!
I love this!
I so totally get this.
I really like all of this – thank you for sharing.
And I am saving this to apply to various areas of my life: “but my goal is not to CHANGE REALITY, my goal is only to cope with it better”
For a few years, I received my dental care at a dental college, and yes – dental school trainees get lots of hands-on situations with the professors giving them feedback. I learned that all the student practice and learn on each other before seeing patients. I’m sure their fellow students aren’t too shy about giving feedback!
I had to get a crown (well the temporary crown visit) and a filling done at the same time on Thursday. I was there for 2 hours and 45 minutes! My dentist is lovely. The hygienist is nice. At a certain point though I started to feel like it was a hostage scenario. So I was glad to hear you made it to the otherwise with two – TWO – crowns at once.
I ALSO worry about putting my tongue directly in the drill! In my head it plays out like a cartoon with my tongue rolling up around the drill bit and being ripped from my throat while blood sprays everywhere.
I have a tooth that needs an implant (it’s a baby tooth that has no adult tooth under it (genetic problem (I’m 44))) and the estimate was $3000. WHAT?!!!? I can get a full mouth of dentures for like 10 grand and ONE SINGULAR TOOTH is 3!!?!?! No. Dude, absolutely not!