Last night I had a stress dream related to the upcoming First Curbside Grocery Shopping Trip. I dreamed I had the groceries delivered, and that the delivery guy came into the house and then was sort of looking around cheerfully and chatting, and then the eight people who were waiting for him in his car came into my house and sat in the living room not wearing masks, and then I realized I wasn’t wearing a mask and felt very embarrassed to have inadvertently acted as if I didn’t care about the delivery guy’s health, and so on.
This morning I headed out stoically. I reminded myself, as I do in New To Me situations, that although this is new to ME, it is not new to the EMPLOYEES. (Similarly, when I have to make a phone call, I remind myself that although I hate phone calls, the person who is answering the call is someone who has chosen to answer phones as part of their job, so they probably feel perfectly comfortable.) And I reminded myself that it is FINE to be new at things and it is FINE to say so: it is fine, when encountering something confusing, to say, “Oh, sorry, I’m new to this—what are those options again?” or whatever. IT’S ALL FINE.
I arrived at the store parking lot and drove around a bit, feeling increasingly anxious as I couldn’t see anything that was labeled as a curbside pick-up area. But then, of course, because this is reality and it would not have disappeared in the night or be up on the roof or whatever, I found it. It was a little one-way loop, and there were two cars in the loop ahead of me, which was GREAT because I could watch them and see how things went for them. There was a sign at the beginning of the loop asking me to call a number, and I did, and when someone answered I was very stammery and uncertain, and that’s completely fine and no one cares even one tiny bit. He asked my name, and I told him, and he said “And you’re the third car, right?” and I said yes, and he said he’d be right out.
Then all three cars waited for 15 minutes with nothing happening. It was odd, but it was not my problem to deal with, so I played Candy Crush. Then an employee came out, very hurried, with two full carts. The first car’s driver stayed in the car, and the employee loaded things into her trunk; the second car’s driver got out of the car and helped the employee load things into the back of the car; so I could see I had options. I decided to stay in the car. I heard the employee apologizing to the other drivers, saying that he hadn’t been able to find a couple of the bags. After he helped them, they both drove off, I pulled up, and he was back out with my cart less than 5 minutes later. There was no dilly-dallying or eye contact: he said “Good morning!” as he wheeled past my window; he loaded everything into the trunk and closed it; he said “Have a good day!” as he wheeled back past my window. And no car pulled up behind me the whole time I was there, so it was pretty clear that “three cars waiting for 15 minutes” was an anomaly.
It was unexpectedly odd to unpack my groceries and have that be the first time I’d seen them. I am SO ACCUSTOMED to hand-picking each item, then seeing it again as I load it onto the belt, and then seeing it for the third time as I unpack it. This time, each bag was a little surprise—particularly because this isn’t my usual grocery chain, so the store brands look different. Even with familiar brands, I feel like I want to say more about how weird this was, but I don’t know how. It’s not like it’s different from mail-order, where something arrives without me choosing it off a shelf. But it WAS different! It felt different, and odd!
This is going to sound a little silly, but I was actually feeling kind of TOUCHED—as if the grocery store was taking care of me. Here were all my foods, packed up for me in bags even though I hadn’t shopped! I felt it particularly when I opened up the bag that had my special Rebel ice cream in it: it’s one of my Emotional Support Foods, and I’d ordered four pints (with “okay to substitute flavor but not brand” in the notes field), and there were my four pints: three of one flavor and one of another, instead of two of two flavors as ordered, so I could see they had carefully followed my instructions.
I felt less touched as I started to encounter the errors. Two 10-ounce bags instead of two 20-ounce bags. One single tomato instead of two pounds of tomatoes. I said my little soothing mantra: “This is just how it is in a pandemic.” The store also claimed to be completely out of ground beef and ground turkey, which feels so unlikely, but perhaps? Perhaps the key is to choose a pick-up slot later in the day. (But yesterday afternoon, when I was editing my order, they ALSO claimed to be out of both ground beef and ground turkey.) But again, everything is fine: If I have to zip into my usual grocery store for ground beef/turkey and tomatoes, I am still breathing MUCH LESS SHARED AIR than if I’d done my entire shopping trip in there.
With my order they included my receipt, which shows they ran my groceries through a register—which is GOOD, because it means I only got CHARGED for two 10-ounce bags and one single tomato, so I don’t have to deal with fixing that. (Since I’d used my credit card when checking out online, I’d worried that they’d use THAT total—but I should have known they couldn’t do that, since I had produce and deli and other need-to-be-weighed items in my cart.)
They also included a printout that showed each item they were out of, a copy of what I’d written in the little comments field, and what action they took. So for example, it said they were out of ground turkey, then that I’d said no substitutions, so they’d done no substitute. Then on the next line, it said they were out of their store brand brown rice, and that I’d commented “okay to substitute brand/size, but no instant rice,” and so they’d substituted such-and-such a brand. It’s GREAT, because first of all it’s like getting a Grocery Shopping Report, which is fun, but also it draws my attention to what I’ll need to put right back on my shopping list, or what I might need to adjust for when I’m thinking about meals.
I’d been interested to see if they’d contact me ahead of time about substitutions, and it turns out they sent an email about 45 minutes before my pick-up time (I hadn’t checked email so I hadn’t seen it), warning me about the substitutions they’d made and telling me to call if I didn’t want those items. But they mentioned I couldn’t choose a new substitute at this point: I could only decline the ones they’d chosen. (This seems fair to me, since I have that little comment field to say ahead of time what my feelings are about substitutions for each individual item.)
As many of you mentioned, all the frozen stuff was packed together and had been hanging out in a freezer waiting for me, so I didn’t have to worry about it.
The total bill ended up being about what I usually pay. Some things were more expensive, but others were less expensive, in a way that looks like it averages out and I am not going to worry about it. THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS IN A PANDEMIC.
I feel a little HIGH over the success of the trip, and first talked Paul’s ear off for awhile, then Rob’s, and now yours. Now that I’ve done it once, I definitely feel able to keep doing this—and I’m glad I tried it before I was at the point where I felt like I HAD to. But now that I’ve tried it, I think I’m going to just keep doing it this way. I do think, for those of us who can access this, that it’s time.
