Last weekend I was at the liquor store buying some wine to bring with me to my brother and sister-in-law’s house. Annnnnnd I reached into my Big Bulky Purse, only to remember I’d already switched my credit card to my Small Cute purse. Very embarrassing. Fortunately I live relatively close, so I zoomed home, got my Small Cute purse, and zoomed back to pay for the wine.

Mid-week, I stopped at the bank. We were urgently in need of cash: the last time I’d stopped, the machine was out of cash; the time before, I was sixth in line and I waited more than five minutes and the line didn’t move at all, and we had frozens in the car so I had to give up. I was relieved to remember to stop again, and then I discovered I didn’t have my checkbook (which has my ATM card in it), so I had to just leave. When I got home, I found I’d absentmindedly put the checkbook away with my calculator after balancing, instead of putting it back in my purse.

This morning, I went to the grocery store, and discovered at checkout my wallet wasn’t in my purse. Which I felt pretty stupid telling the cashier, because I was holding a wallet as I said it—but it was my Assorted Stuff wallet (member cards, department store credit cards, coupons) rather than my Absolute Essentials wallet (driver’s license, CREDIT CARD). And my grocery store doesn’t take checks (I DID have my checkbook this time) without an application process, which I have never done because I never pay with a check. And I kept rummaging with increasing desperation through my uncooperative Giant Purse, because the wallet COULD NOT be gone, and yet it continued to be gone. So I pulled out my bank card, which has a Visa symbol on it, and I’ve never used it to pay for anything so I hope that hasn’t screwed up everything in the world. It said “debit” on it, but she said it wouldn’t go through except as a credit. OH WHAT HAVE I DONE?? (My wallet, luckily, was on the floor of the coat closet.)

I don’t know if I’m hoping you’ll tell me you do the same thing all the time, or if I’m hoping you’ll encourage me to check in to a nice quiet assisted-living facility.

Hey, do you remember awhile back when Edward had to get blood drawn because he’d lost several pounds in the year between check-ups? Well, a reasonable number of days after that blood draw, we got a call from the nurse saying all the bloodwork came back normal, but that the doctor wanted to see Edward a month or two later for a weight check. I think weight-checks are a little silly if everything is otherwise fine, but I haven’t had enough therapy to be able to say, “Hey, why don’t I just weigh him at home and call you if there’s been a change for the worse?” After thinking it over, I decided it was worth the $20 copay to avoid swimming upstream.

So today was that appointment, and at the appointment it was revealed that the bloodwork was NOT all normal, that Edward is anemic. And I would have been mostly okay with this little surprise, except that I definitely got a “You must have not have been listening when we told you about this before” vibe about it, first from the nurse, and then from the doctor. Not a BIG vibe (they are both VERY NICE), but a definite SLIGHT vibe. Which changes things completely for me: I am as fine as I can possibly be with a no-harm-done misunderstanding (we are all HUMAN; occasional mistakes are COMPLETELY UNAVOIDABLE), but NOT for it to be assumed that I’M the weak link when I’m NOT.

In short: it’s good I was too much of a wuss to argue against the wisdom of having a whole appointment just for Edward to use a scale in front of someone with a medical degree, because I also ended up finding out something I was too much of a wuss to make clear to them that they didn’t tell me before.

Not that it would have done any good to make it clear they hadn’t told me: not only does it change nothing ANYWAY, but also they would have continued to believe that they HAD told me. In my experience, in every job there is a set of things people constantly claim are true, despite them not being true. Pharmacy customers, for example, claim to have spilled their narcotic painkillers down the sink, or to have received too few narcotic pills in the bottle. Occasionally, this is a true claim: it DOES very occasionally happen that a bottle of pills gets spilled; it DOES very occasionally happen that someone miscounts a bottle of pills; and it makes sense that of all those times, a small percentage would involve narcotics. It’s odd, then, that almost all of the claims are made about narcotic medications, and only verrrrry rarely about non-narcotic ones.

Similar Frequently Used Lies occur everywhere, and employees of those everywheres do get a bit HARDENED to their own oft-heard sets of them. It is tempting, then, for an employee to assume they are ALWAYS lies, and to act accordingly. Statistically, this is a solid plan. BUT: treating the statistically-unusual person who IS telling the truth as if they are lying is SUCH a bad move, it cancels out any statistical efficiency of treating everyone the same. And yet, I also understand the extreme reluctance to take blame and make apologies in the smug face of someone who KNOWS he or she is getting away with a lie, so I don’t know where that leaves us, except to say that it is almost impossible for me to protest the truth of the kind of claim I KNOW is almost always made as a lie to that sort of employee, and so I almost never do, and I didn’t do so THIS time, EITHER.

And also, they want to see him back in a month or two for another blood draw. If you have experience making that procedure easier for a child, I would be very grateful for the advice.

I have a preference to state, and I would like to emphasize this a little more before I actually state it: that it is a preference. A preference I hope others will share. Not “Other ways are stupid! Everyone should do it the way I think is right!” I have plenty of opinions that fall along those lines, too. But in this case, I realize that what I’m basically doing is hoping/requesting that people change the way they’re doing something, in favor of the way I prefer it to be—but fully acknowledging that they needn’t, and/or that they might prefer it otherwise, and that it is a big deal to change something for someone else just as some sort of concession to that person’s preferences, so it’s not something I’m expecting. I won’t be all, “WHAT?? This again?? But I SAID I didn’t LIKE it!!” There are many people who express preferences in regards to what I write on this blog, and I decline to meet those preferences, so I am familiar with that process.

Nevertheless, here is the preference: I would prefer if a sponsored post said so at the very top of the post, or within the first few sentences.

Here is how it feels to me, when I read a sponsored post without realizing it’s sponsored until a little note at the very end: it’s like being invited over to someone’s house for a fun evening, and then realizing when you get there that it’s a “party” selling make-up, or kitchen tools, or candles. Crap, I got suckered. And I feel foolish for not realizing it sooner. And my relationship with the person who tricked me has taken a hit.

I have several local acquaintances who do sales parties, and they would argue with this. I know, because they have argued it within my earshot: “It’s not like a SALES thing!” they say. “It’s just a fun evening! Friends getting together! No pressure! It’s not like you have to BUY anything, it’s just for learning about cool new things! And it’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys! It’s a GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT!” I understand that they might really feel this way about it, but I continue to NOT feel this way about it. And with sponsored posts, I understand that a blogger might say that it’s their own content, that they weren’t in any way pressured or instructed what to write, so it’s the same as a regular post. I understand how they can see it this way, but it’s still not the way I see it. My preference is still to know from the start what I’m getting into, rather than getting tricked into it and feeling manipulated and suckered at the end.

I just finished watching It’s Complicated, and I gave it 5 stars on Netflix even though my actual score is more like 4 or even 3 (I liked it, but I save 5 stars for “OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT!!”). The bonus star or two was to skew the Netflix recommendations so I’d get MORE MOVIES LIKE THIS PLZ KTHANX. Movies about people older than me? having relationships just as if they continued to be real people after their twenties were over? and dealing with issues involving their children? THERE IS A MARKET FOR THIS, I THINK.

I ALSO like movies about attractive single people in their twenties finding Obviously True Deep Real Lasting Love with other attractive single people in their twenties (“We’re REALLY attracted to each other, so we MUST be eternal soul-mates!”), but it’s nice to see some VARIETY in human relationships. And, just as I enjoyed the “romance in their twenties” movies in my teens and the “having a baby” movies in my early twenties (it’s exciting to imagine What’s Ahead in life), NOW I would enjoy seeing movies about people navigating things in middle age.

And perhaps they can deal with problems I’m more familiar with than the “Do I think the bad-boy guy is too hot to give up for the obviously-better-choice Nice Guy guy who is also really hot?” theme. Like, maybe the husband could say that he’s going to do the dishes every night, and maybe he even kind of cheeses his wife if she tries to do them. And she SUPER LOVES that he is going to take over this chore, and praises him mightily and regularly. But then, like, some nights he doesn’t do them. Which is fine! It’s FINE! It’s FAIR to share this chore! But in that case, he should mention it to his wife, because then she wants to take her option to do them herself, because waking up to a dirty kitchen and dried-on food and no clean sippy cups makes her want to give up and just heap the dirty dishes in the TRASH. But she’s already mentioned this several times, with careful explanations, and still she is sometimes waking up to a dirty kitchen, and HOW CAN MERYL STREEP SOLVE THIS PROBLEM IN A WAY I CAN APPLY TO MY OWN LIFE??

Remember how just a couple of weeks ago I was all, Summer is going GREAT!?

Never mind. Forget it. I ran out of steam.

We’re still going to swimming lessons, but activities at the library have almost completely ceased (in many cases, because so many of them are scheduled at the same time as our swimming lessons, a conflict I’d thought we were avoiding by booking lessons at lunchtime), and today we have no swimming lesson and yet I don’t feel at all motivated to figure out something else to do—even though I know full well that if I don’t schedule something, everyone is going to end up bickering.

I seem to have lost both my “Hey, I can DO this!!” feeling AND my “Hey, I WANT to do this!!” feeling. In exchange, please accept “When does SCHOOL start?” and “Why did we have so many CHILdren?” and “There are not enough CHAIRS in this LIVING room.”

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Also, a school-related vent: the school supply lists. They NEVER WORK OUT. Either we don’t get the list until the first day of school, by which time all the back-to-school sales are over, OR, worse, we get a long list in the mail well before school starts and I carefully purchase everything on the list, only to be told by the teacher on the first day of school that “Oh, the office just sends those out—here’s my completely different list” and now all the back-to-school sales are over.

Here is what I want, because “asking for what one wants” is allegedly more mentally healthy than complaining about what one doesn’t want: I want each teacher to send out their own supply list, and I want it on the last day of school with the report card. That’s when we get the classroom assignments, so by the last day of school it’s already known what teacher the child will have—and except in the case of a new teacher, the teacher can use the same list year after year. The office can in fact combine this with the classroom-assignment sheet, since they’re printing out a million of those and custom-assigning one to each child ALREADY: top of sheet can say “Your next-year’s teacher is ____!” and rest of sheet can say “Here are the supplies you will need!”

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I just read Hilarity in Shoes’s post about post-break-up post titles (post post post), and I DO feel bad that it is DEEP MISERY fueling this excellent funniness.

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I bought a box of Drumsticks ice cream treats for the children to try, because I have a general summer policy of “a new fun treat each week.” Later that night, putting something else away in the freezer, I noticed my terrible error: FOUR Drumsticks per box. FOUR. The box was the same size and price as 12 ice cream sandwiches, 12 ice cream bars, or 24 popsicles, and I hadn’t even thought to check my unknowingly-held assumption that I would get enough Drumsticks in a box to hand out to five children.

Anyway, I was telling this sad tale to Paul, and he said that it probably wasn’t a big deal—that I should check beforehand with the children, because Edward didn’t really like meat, and Rob was squeamish about eating meat off a bone. And there was a long pause, and I said, “But they don’t have ANYTHING TO DO with meat! or bones!” and he said “…”, and I said, “DRUMSTICKS! The ICE CREAM TREAT! Did you never have a Drumstick as a child??”, and he said “I did! I did! But I thought you meant you bought a box of frozen chicken legs, for them to try!”, and I said, “BUT I SHOWED YOU THE BOX!!”, and he said “But I didn’t see it!”, and I said “BUT I WENT INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT BEING A CHILDHOOD TREAT EVERYONE SHOULD TRY EVEN IF IT IS A DISAPPOINTMENT!”, and he said “But I thought you meant CHICKEN!”, and I said “CHICKEN IS NOT A CHILDHOOD TREAT!”

Anyway, now we’re cleared up and we’re agreed I need to go by another box of them, even though 75 cents (on SALE!) for a Drumstick is more than I’d expected when I embarked on this mission. (Ice cream sandwiches are TWENTY-FIVE cents.)

This morning I was trying to proofread my Milk & Cookies post (I’m giving ideas and also looking for more ideas for birthday party gift ideas for a 10-year-old girl) (the site format is a little wonky right now—it doesn’t usually look all smashed together like that), and the children were being interruptive as usual. I have sometimes wondered if, when I’m trying to write, I over-accuse the children of interrupting: that is, maybe a full fifteen minutes went by between this interruption and the last one, but it felt to me like it was practically CONSTANT.

So today I wrote down the time of each interruption. I counted only deliberate ones: that is, if a child made a loud sound in another room and it distracted me, or if children were bickering and I interfered, or if they had a loud conversation right next to me and I couldn’t concentrate, I didn’t count those; I only counted it if a child approached me (or yelled to me from another room *clenching teeth*) to tell me something, complain about something, or ask for something. I ended up having to make tick-marks to indicate more than one interruption in the same minute:

8:46 – 3 interruptions
8:47 – 1 interruption
8:48 – 3
8:49 – 0
8:50 – 1
8:51 – 2
8:52 – 2
8:53 – 0
8:54 – 2
8:55 – 0
8:56 – 1
8:57 – 1
8:58 – 2
8:59 – 3
9:00 – 1
9:01 – 2
9:02 – 2
9:03 – 1
9:04 – 1
9:05 – 0
9:06 – 1

That’s where I stopped keeping track. In 20 minutes, there were 29 interruptions, and that’s if I did the math right—a child was trying to talk to me while I was adding them up just now.

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I loved this post from The Brunettes Blog, about who is being spoken to when something controversial is said in a Facebook status or Twitter remark. She makes a neat point about how in person, we would know if we could politely/firmly disagree depending on context (in her example, we wouldn’t run across the room to confront a stranger at a party, but we could certainly respond to someone in our conversation group), but when someone posts something we consider objectionable on Facebook in an “of course everyone agrees with this” tone, it’s hard (and very conflicting) to know how to respond—and to feel right about not responding.

I also liked this post by Miss Zoot, especially the part about our responsibility to moderate our comments sections. A couple years back I had a post where the comments section got wayyyyy out of hand—and I had no idea what to do. Looking back on it, I could see how I could have nipped the whole thing in the bud about two comments into it—and although that would have been very difficult (because it would have involved moderating someone I considered a friend, and because I’ve had unpleasant experiences with anonymous commenters retaliating viciously when moderated), it probably would have been the right thing to do. Freedom of speech has never, ever, ever meant that we have to give people part of our own space in which to express their vicious and hurtful remarks. I try to keep that in mind now, though it can still be hard to know when/how to apply it.

But she also takes it further, discussing how such issues can help guide us in teaching our children things we didn’t have to be taught by our parents (and therefore might not realize we need to teach): we need to teach them the responsible use of anonymity; and we need to teach them the responsible management of what other people say in public spaces they control, such as their Facebook pages.

Did you know that it is possible to:

1. Feel uncomfortable in seasonal heat, and
2. Realize that people in other professions/states/countries feel heat that is more intense or more oft-felt, and
3. Nevertheless wish to complain/marvel about one’s own heat experience?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking does not know this.

Did you know that it is possible to:

1. Have a pet/child/pregnancy, and
2. Understand the various options for caring for that pet/child/pregnancy, and
3. Make an informed choice for that pet’s/child’s/pregnancy’s care, and
4. Have that choice be different than someone else’s informed choice, or
5. Even have that choice be different than what the current mainstream opinion is, and yet
6. Still have the choice be a truly INFORMED CHOICE, one that needs no further input from others?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking concedes none of this.

Did you know that it is possible to:

1. Complain about one’s spouse, and
2. Understand that there are worse traits the spouse could have, and
3. Understand that people who have been painfully removed from their spouses would give anything to be able to complain about such small things, and
4. Nevertheless wish to complain, since there are also BETTER traits the spouse could have, and since people who would like to complain about such things would ALSO be complaining about such things, if given the chance?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking refuses to believe you.

Did you know that it was possible to:

1. Feel minor interest in the death/divorce of a celebrity, and
2. Feel intense distress about a bomb in another country, and yet
3. Only mention 1.?

Did you know that the reason for this could be:

1. That a person feels one event is appropriate to discuss on light social media, and feels the other is not, or
2. That a person needs more time to process one event than the other before discussing it, or
3. That a person feels one event is easier to discuss in 140 characters, or
4. That a person likes discussing one subject but not the other?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking does not know any of these things.

Did you know that it is possible to:

1. Be very uncomfortable in the late stages of pregnancy, and
2. Wish to complain about that discomfort, but still
3. Fully WANT that discomfort because of what goes with it (the pregnancy, the baby, the health and maturity of the baby, etc.), and yet
4. Still prefer not to have the discomfort itself because, clearly, it is discomfortable?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking does not know this, and feels you shouldn’t either.

Did you know that it is possible to:

1. Understand how the legal system works, and
2. Still feel upset about the outcome of a trial?

Did you know that the reason for this could be:

1. That the person thinks it’s a rotten system that needs serious fixing, or
2. That the person thinks the system generally works but failed in this case, or
3. That the person thinks the system worked but wishes their side had presented the case differently, or
4. That the person thinks the system worked the way it should have but nevertheless continues to have negative feelings about the outcome?

The Giant Internet Hand of Spanking continues to treat you with detached condescension.

My mom and I were running errands today, and she mentioned she’d had a very hard time finding singalong books to read to small children (baby/toddler/preschooler). It’s pretty easy to find ones where it’s one book devoted to one single song, but what she’s looking for is each page with its own classic children’s song, to sing one after another. She’d like these for reading (singing) to children, but also for getting the songs into her head so she has them stuck in her head when there is the sudden need to sing to a child and she is scrambling to think of a children’s song.

I bumbled around on Amazon for awhile, finding books such as the Priddy line—but some of them have no reviews or very mixed reviews, and they don’t have lists of what songs.

We looked at Target and found Nursery Rhymes (yet another from that Priddy series), and I liked it from just looking at it briefly but you can see some complaints in the reviews: evidently it uses the version of the old woman in the shoe in which she whips them all before she tucks them in. Though, even though I am not crazy about that myself, I don’t think I would have gone as far as the review-leaver, who used “shocked” to describe her reaction, and concluded that the book was “inappropriate for anyone.” How are we going to describe actual shock or inappropriateness-for-all-of-humanity, if we are going to use it about things such as this?

Where was I? I guess what I am looking for are titles of children’s song books you’ve found, the kind where there’s one song per page.

I just finished Bossypants, and I really liked it, and I recommend it. However, I wish the reviews I’d read hadn’t been all “I PEED MYSELF MULTIPLE TIMES JUST READING THE TITLE,” because it’s a bad idea to go into ANYTHING expecting to be dead with laughter. I DID laugh, and often, but more than that I came away liking Tina Fey. Well, which I already DID from episodes of 30 Rock and from her famous impressions of Sarah P., whose name I prefer not become a search result on this site.

As I was reading, I was piling up things I wanted to tell you about the book. Some were mild whiny complaints: I wanted a big fat photo section in the middle; there was a chapter about her dad but not about her mom, and I wanted more about her mom as soon as I read that her mom made barfing sounds when she heard that a former president had personally telephoned her daughter. And there were many praises: the overall balance of show-business and personal, upbringing and current life, jokes and not-jokes; the photos sprinkled through the text; behind-the-scenes peeks; the extremely funny and also extremely touching mother’s prayer thing.

But ALL THAT got puffed right out of my head by her final chapter, which ASKED ADVICE about what she should do with her “final five minutes.” That is, she’s over 40 and she has a 5-year-old TV show: should she try for another baby (giving up the show that might not go on much longer anyway) or should she continue work on the show (giving up on another child).

Well! I would be HAPPY to give input! I would never ever have given an opinion on it unless I were asked (Ha ha! total lie. But I might not have actually titled a post as if it were a topic for general discussion, if she hadn’t asked for general discussion on the topic). My opinion is that she should have another baby. I have no idea if she’s a good mother; I have no idea if another baby will push her past her personal brink of stress. But I DO know I would like more Tiny Fey genes in the population, and I am willing to risk her sanity to get them.

Also, I think the situation she sets up (baby OR show) is not quite the way she’s agitating about it. Sometimes on the baby name blog, we get a question from someone who is losing her mind with panic: NO NAME works, not one single name! But it turns out that most of the problem is that the parents have set things up impossibly: they’re requiring that the name meet two or more incompatible standards. And the standards are totally self-imposed and unnecessary—and often unrealistic (for example, their tastes are 100% Top 50 names, but they arbitrarily insist on a name outside the Top 500).

Where was I? Oh, yes. So when Tiny Fey says that she can’t have a baby because the show would have to be canceled and 200 people who count on her would be out of work, I wonder if that is entirely the case, or if that is Panic Talk. It MIGHT be the case! It might VERY WELL be the case that if she has a baby, even if she does Worker In A Field maternity leave, the show will be canceled.

But in these dilemmas I think it can be useful to consider how things would go if her estimated absence were involuntary rather than voluntary. If, for example, she were in a car accident and were forced to spend, say, one month in heavy, three-quarters-comatose, totally-not-working-at-all-not-even-to-answer-a-quick-question recovery—would the entire show actually be CANCELED? just, on the spot? She’s the most crucial member on the entire thing, but would they be literally unable to find a way to coast for a month? My guess is no, they could find a way. I don’t know what that way would be, because I have zero experience with that industry, but…timing it for a part of the year they’re not working so much, if such a part exists? making shows ahead? skipping a couple of shows and doing re-runs those weeks with an awwwww-inspiring photo of the newborn reason for it? having a few famous guest directors/writers and making a big deal of it like it’s fun to see how someone else would run things, which it in fact would be? doing a couple of crappy shows and just living with that because it’ll be back to normal soon? doing amusingly crappy shows where the actors keep stalling out and then saying funny things about how they can’t function without Liz and how without her they feel like they can’t even talk and don’t even know where to stand in a room? getting Amy Poehler to sub and have everyone just call her Liz and act natural about it?

And she did two movies while also doing the show. So it seems like there is some wiggle-room for doing activities in addition to her 30 Rock duties, and that it’s not “If one more thing is added, the show is gone.”

Besides, as she points out, it’s pretty rare for a show to last longer than five years. The worst-case scenario here, I think, is that she’d give up on the idea of a baby, and then the show would have one more season—ending right around the time the baby would have been born, but now the ovaries have shut up shop.

So that is my input: go with having the baby, if it is not already too late; take the Field Worker maternity leave; hire the second babysitter; make the problem of “but what about the show?” a group problem (as it would be if there had been a car accident) rather than a personal “Everyone is counting on me” problem. This is a pretty smart group of people she’s working with, and my guess is that they have solved many problems well together on other occasions.

UNLESS: deep down she doesn’t really want another baby, but needs a solid reason in order to (1) put her mind at rest and (2) get everyone off her back about it. In which case, I say don’t have another baby, because if she did, the entire television show would have to be canceled, and none of those 200 people would ever find work in the industry again. Maybe this hypothetical second baby wouldn’t have children anyway, removing the issue about genes lasting longer than a television show: perhaps he/she will ALSO be too crucial to a television show to take time off to have children. It’s important for the good of the many (the aforementioned 200, plus TV viewers) to outweigh the good of the few (Tiny Fey, her family, and those positively affected by the genes later on), and this resolves the dilemma.