I just finished Bossypants, and I really liked it, and I recommend it. However, I wish the reviews I’d read hadn’t been all “I PEED MYSELF MULTIPLE TIMES JUST READING THE TITLE,” because it’s a bad idea to go into ANYTHING expecting to be dead with laughter. I DID laugh, and often, but more than that I came away liking Tina Fey. Well, which I already DID from episodes of 30 Rock and from her famous impressions of Sarah P., whose name I prefer not become a search result on this site.
As I was reading, I was piling up things I wanted to tell you about the book. Some were mild whiny complaints: I wanted a big fat photo section in the middle; there was a chapter about her dad but not about her mom, and I wanted more about her mom as soon as I read that her mom made barfing sounds when she heard that a former president had personally telephoned her daughter. And there were many praises: the overall balance of show-business and personal, upbringing and current life, jokes and not-jokes; the photos sprinkled through the text; behind-the-scenes peeks; the extremely funny and also extremely touching mother’s prayer thing.
But ALL THAT got puffed right out of my head by her final chapter, which ASKED ADVICE about what she should do with her “final five minutes.” That is, she’s over 40 and she has a 5-year-old TV show: should she try for another baby (giving up the show that might not go on much longer anyway) or should she continue work on the show (giving up on another child).
Well! I would be HAPPY to give input! I would never ever have given an opinion on it unless I were asked (Ha ha! total lie. But I might not have actually titled a post as if it were a topic for general discussion, if she hadn’t asked for general discussion on the topic). My opinion is that she should have another baby. I have no idea if she’s a good mother; I have no idea if another baby will push her past her personal brink of stress. But I DO know I would like more Tiny Fey genes in the population, and I am willing to risk her sanity to get them.
Also, I think the situation she sets up (baby OR show) is not quite the way she’s agitating about it. Sometimes on the baby name blog, we get a question from someone who is losing her mind with panic: NO NAME works, not one single name! But it turns out that most of the problem is that the parents have set things up impossibly: they’re requiring that the name meet two or more incompatible standards. And the standards are totally self-imposed and unnecessary—and often unrealistic (for example, their tastes are 100% Top 50 names, but they arbitrarily insist on a name outside the Top 500).
Where was I? Oh, yes. So when Tiny Fey says that she can’t have a baby because the show would have to be canceled and 200 people who count on her would be out of work, I wonder if that is entirely the case, or if that is Panic Talk. It MIGHT be the case! It might VERY WELL be the case that if she has a baby, even if she does Worker In A Field maternity leave, the show will be canceled.
But in these dilemmas I think it can be useful to consider how things would go if her estimated absence were involuntary rather than voluntary. If, for example, she were in a car accident and were forced to spend, say, one month in heavy, three-quarters-comatose, totally-not-working-at-all-not-even-to-answer-a-quick-question recovery—would the entire show actually be CANCELED? just, on the spot? She’s the most crucial member on the entire thing, but would they be literally unable to find a way to coast for a month? My guess is no, they could find a way. I don’t know what that way would be, because I have zero experience with that industry, but…timing it for a part of the year they’re not working so much, if such a part exists? making shows ahead? skipping a couple of shows and doing re-runs those weeks with an awwwww-inspiring photo of the newborn reason for it? having a few famous guest directors/writers and making a big deal of it like it’s fun to see how someone else would run things, which it in fact would be? doing a couple of crappy shows and just living with that because it’ll be back to normal soon? doing amusingly crappy shows where the actors keep stalling out and then saying funny things about how they can’t function without Liz and how without her they feel like they can’t even talk and don’t even know where to stand in a room? getting Amy Poehler to sub and have everyone just call her Liz and act natural about it?
And she did two movies while also doing the show. So it seems like there is some wiggle-room for doing activities in addition to her 30 Rock duties, and that it’s not “If one more thing is added, the show is gone.”
Besides, as she points out, it’s pretty rare for a show to last longer than five years. The worst-case scenario here, I think, is that she’d give up on the idea of a baby, and then the show would have one more season—ending right around the time the baby would have been born, but now the ovaries have shut up shop.
So that is my input: go with having the baby, if it is not already too late; take the Field Worker maternity leave; hire the second babysitter; make the problem of “but what about the show?” a group problem (as it would be if there had been a car accident) rather than a personal “Everyone is counting on me” problem. This is a pretty smart group of people she’s working with, and my guess is that they have solved many problems well together on other occasions.
UNLESS: deep down she doesn’t really want another baby, but needs a solid reason in order to (1) put her mind at rest and (2) get everyone off her back about it. In which case, I say don’t have another baby, because if she did, the entire television show would have to be canceled, and none of those 200 people would ever find work in the industry again. Maybe this hypothetical second baby wouldn’t have children anyway, removing the issue about genes lasting longer than a television show: perhaps he/she will ALSO be too crucial to a television show to take time off to have children. It’s important for the good of the many (the aforementioned 200, plus TV viewers) to outweigh the good of the few (Tiny Fey, her family, and those positively affected by the genes later on), and this resolves the dilemma.
Apparently she made this decision on her own because she was already 5 months pregnant when the book came out. She announced it on Oprah while promoting her book. She must be around 8 months or so (??) now. But good advice Swistle!
She’s totally pregnant. Was before it even hit shelves if I remember correctly. I like to think putting it all out on paper while writing her book helped her make the decision.
She IS having another baby! And I am sure she made the right decision, if only because it ups the odds that one of my kids might marry one of hers some day and I could force Tina to come for Christmas.
I LOVE the idea of Amy Poehler and/or various other ladies subbing for her on the show while she’s out, and it never being mentioned! Brilliant.
Amy Poehler has her own show on NBC so I doubt she’s free to sub, but it doesn’t matter because obviously Fey figured out a way to have the baby and have her last season of the show and actually THAT was my second irritation with the book (the other irritation was her take on photoshopping/photo shoots but eh, whatever, Fey doesn’t need to be the spokesperson for every issue that matters to me, especially one that matters so little). I was irritated because by the time the book was being excerpted in the New Yorker (October 2010), obviously Fey was in fact trying for the baby, and so that whole section felt like a bit of special pleading. She knew she wanted the baby, she just wanted someone (who? I can’t figure that part out) to give her permission to do it, to choose parenthood over the waning career. And I bet it’s weird for her, that she’s peaking right at the moment when it gets exponentially harder for women in her field to shine. But … it still was an irritating chapter.
Was going to say that I thought I heard she WAS pregnant, but that particular point has been made. And I’m so glad she IS!!
I really liked the book too, and I also laughed at several parts. (Her first period, when she didn’t know what it was because everyone knows your period is a blue liquid, like on the pad commercials is the part that comes to mind that I still chuckle over.)
I just started reading this and I already like her. I can’t wait to finish.
I liked the book too and agree that I wish it hadn’t been hyped so much. I hadn’t thought about the fact that there’s no chapter about her mom. Now I’m kind of sad about that. I’ll just pretend she wrote one but that her mom asked her to take it out because she’s very private.
The entire time I was reading this post I was thinking, “But wait…isn’t she pregnant now?” and getting very confused. I only knew this because I saw a rerun of the Mother’s Day SNL the other day and she and Maya Rudolphi were playing up their pregnancies and then I just heard that Maya had her baby recently.
Anyway, I’m excited to read the book…I don’t usually like autobiographies very much, but I DO like Tina Fey, so I’m going to try. Thanks for the review!
I didn’t know she was pregnant. I guess this answers the question then.
My question: WHY does wanting children (or wanting to stay home with children) make women appear weak and/or unsuccessful? For such a powerful woman to be waffling publically about it (even if she IS pregnant) makes it seem…I don’t know, like women have no power, that we have to make excuses for wanting families. I don’t know if a man would have these same feelings.
Well, part of the question has been resolved already with her current pregnancy, but I can tell you that my husband works in TV in the camera department, and anybody that works in TV or movies has a healthy respect for the indeterminate length of time for their current job. It sucks when your show is cancelled, but not in the way that it sucks when an engine assembly worker gets their plant shut down in Detroit. If you’re expecting your show to go until retirement, you’re in the wrong business. However, it is shot in New York, and we are in LA. The industry might have slightly different dynamics.
SSM, Tina Fey’s got a valid concern. I think it’s less about wondering what having children will do to her career, than it is about wondering how the 12+hour days and public life will affect her children. She seems very concerned about having a large slice of her children’s life. Since she’s going through the pregnancy and likely wants at least some time at home with the wee bairn, the show would go at least into hiatus. She is the star and the Producer.
In the case of timing, it would be lucky indeed to have a baby at a certain time, considering someone in their late thirties would probably have some trouble timing a newborn to come during the industry’s standard 8-week-summer.
Also, I love that you wrote “Tiny Fey” in the title.
Yup, she’s 41 and due next month. Just like her mom, she’s having a kid after 40 quite a few years after her first child. I believe her daughter is 6 and she is 8 years younger than her sibling.
I’m in the middle of reading the book (just became available after a few month’s wait at the library) and read your post even though it gave away the ending. Interesting that this book went to print with that chapter like that even though she was pregnant at the time.
Swistle, I am totally coming to you when I need advice on an important decision. That is all.
I haven’t read the whole book yet…but I wonder if her question was a little bit “tongue in cheek”? Saying the show will end if she has another baby- was she trying to point out how ridiculous that thought is…that the choices are not as incompatible as many people think that they are. As you pointed out, there are various ways to manage both a baby and a career…and how many stars have hidden pregnancies while appearing in shows (unless it gets written into their characters storyline)? I think you presented it well- there are ways to make things work. So glad that Tina Fey is making it work too :)
Oh, I loved your answer. So smart and thoughtful.
I, on the other hand, always respond OH YES HAVE ANOTHER BABY! Which is crazy-talk, but it’s what my heart will always say. Crazy, crazy heart.
Lynette- Oh! Er, yes, completely intentional! Ha ha! Yes. …I’m just going to go change that.
I hope Tina Fey finds this and reads all the awesome suggestions you made for covering while she is on maternity leave.
Though she didn’t come out and say as much, I definitely got the impression that part of the “if I have another kid the show will end” problem was that she would then *want* it to end. She was uncomfortable even admitting she had a nanny, despite the fact that she’s basically working three full time jobs (writing, producing, and staring in a show) and so obviously she’d have to have a nanny. She also mentions the “tri-annual office sob fests” where she wants to quit her job for reasons having nothing to do with having another child. Also, I believe that she and Alec Baldwin announced at the same time that they wouldn’t be coming back after this season, taking the blame of the show ending off either one of them. And I believe that was before she would have conceived, which makes it a decision made independent of pregnancy.
I bet Tina’s glad you sorted that all out for her. :)
I also loved the book but had no idea TF was already pregnant (evidently I need to get out more). Am glad for her.
After reading her book I had to tell my coworker about it because it was great and because of her story about Lorne Michaels saying something to her like the show is starting not because it’s perfect, but because it’s 11:30. I found that telling myself that has helped me to stop fussing about some things that aren’t perfect and just get on with it because it’s (metaphorically) 11:30.
Well you sold me on this. Just downloaded it to my kindle, have a cup of coffee and I am pleased to know she is having a baby too!
I’m almost finished with the book and I have LOVED it! And I never read non-fiction!
Your advice was spot-on and hilarious to boot, love it.
I just finished Bossypants, nearly a year after you wrote this review, but was thinking about your words the whole time I was reading.
Your advice to Tina helped me clarify a few things, too. I’ve also always set up the mutual-elimination teetet-tottor in my mind: I teach. A long-term sub is simply not as effective. But, perhaps it does not need to be all about me vs them, but about my department and me helping whoever steps into my spot for a while.
So, a year later, perhaps I’m ready to act on that. Perhaps.
Thank you. Sincerly. From the bottom of my heart.