This work situation has made me nearly 100% self-absorbed in recent weeks. I was reading a book about dealing with emotions and stress, and it was like “Hey, are you using mostly I-statements? Are you indulging more than usual in food/alcohol? Have you pretty much forgotten that other people have lives/problems too?” Okay YES. I will work on it. …Soon.
Today, er… (*a moment of self-consciousness*) (*the moment passes*). Today is the first day I would normally be at work, but instead am not. Someone else is making the four trips to the overloaded weekend bookdrop. Someone else is trying to get as much of the pick-list done before 9:30 as possible. Someone else is hearing my supervisor’s voice and seeing her face and dealing with her stressful energy.
I am relieved not to be going in, but I am also feeling a little deflated. I felt possessive of my job in a positive way: like, here I am, doing MY WORK!! this work is MY NICHE and I am good at it!! I am a useful member of this team, and my role is one not everyone would want, and so my work is appreciated by my coworkers who do not WANT to go out to the bookdrop four times like a pack mule!! I may be middle-aged but I can HUSTLE!!
So I’m continuing to be sad that I am no longer doing a job that was such a good fit. I’m continuing to be angry that it was allowed to play out that way. But also: I’m continuing to feel relief that I do not have to go there today. I’m having tea with a coworker later today and we are going to gossip. That is the stated activity: “tea and gossip.” This coworker is a nice balance of looking on the bright side, not getting bogged down in saying negative things about other people, not stressing about work when we’re not being paid to stress about work—but then also believing there’s a time and a place for a little hot tea. She is not a fan of our supervisor either.
I tidied an area near my chair in the living room to make room for a cat nest: we have one cat who doesn’t like to sit on laps but likes to be Near, and my rocking chair didn’t have a Near place. Now there is a place, a nice wide windowsill with a fleecy blanket. But that meant transferring a big pile of to-read books to a side-table that doesn’t have room for them. I am trying to reduce the pile by reading the books, shortest/fastest ones first. I had a book of then-and-now pictures of our town; that one only took an hour or so. There was a Pusheen book I thought I wanted to read but it turns out I just wanted to move it to the shelf with other such books. And then I had one of the latest Roz Chast books, which I’d heard was disappointing, and I love Roz Chast so I’d been putting off being disappointed.
(image from Amazon.com)
I Must Be Dreaming, by Roz Chast
I think going into it with the expectation of disappointment was IDEAL, because then as it turned out I enjoyed it a lot. It’s true I liked it less than her books of just comics, but on the other hand this book felt more personal and more like the author is talking to the reader. It’s about dreams, and one of my favorite parts was where she listed her own Most Common Dreams. The surprise to me was that we didn’t have more overlap. I have never dreamed about being alone at a party! I have never dreamed about a plane crashing in the distance! I have never dreamed about getting a terrible disease!
William was nearby, so I asked him if he’d ever had any of those dreams, and he said no. We both have the “back in school and can’t find my locker/classroom” dream, and we both dream pretty often about elevators: can’t find the right elevator, can’t find the buttons, can’t make the door close, suddenly the elevator is getting smaller or moving sideways or going swoopily fast. We both dream about unusable bathrooms (too gross, missing door, big window, etc.). We both dream about finding a room in the house we’d forgotten about, or even a whole FLOOR of the house that we’ve forgotten about; mine sometimes include the idea of the room being full of special things. I frequently dream that I am pregnant, or that I am in possession of a baby. I used to dream pretty often about children in peril, but now I dream more often of cats in peril; when we had a fish tank, I would dream about fish in peril. I dream very often of being late for something (usually a flight) and yet not being able to get my act in gear. I’ve heard of the teeth-falling-out dream, but I’ve never had that one.
I am wondering what are your top few dreams—the themes you see pretty often.
Dream themes? I’m fascinated! I’m a teacher so I have many stress dreams about school, both as the teacher and the student. For example, none of my friends have the same lunch period as me (student) but then in the same dream I have to take a bunch of unruly children on an unplanned field trip (teacher.)
I often have dreams where Driving Goes Wrong, like I am trying to hit the brakes from the backseat and that does not work out.
I’ve never dreamt of elevators but often escalators, usually at a mall and I can’t figure out how to go up. My own child in peril, my own puppy in peril. Often ending in tragedy.
In 30 Rock, there is a scene where Tina Fey is dating a handsome unemployed man, who she pays in Chris Points. There’s a whole chart of how he can earn Chris Points, but the one I remember is “Listen to my dreams and pretend to care about them.”
YES, I have Driving Goes Wrong dreams! Most often I am either driving up an impossibly steep hill, or I am going downhill and the brakes are not working, or I am just driving with that feeling that the tires are frictionless on the road.
I have the Driving Gone Wrong dreams as well! In mine, I am driving the car and the brakes don’t work and I am pressing the pedal FIRMLY and the car doesn’t slow down. Not my favorite options.
Alara, I get that one too! I am pressing down on the brake and the car doesn’t slow down, or doesn’t stop in time to not hit something, and I’m so frustrated.
I am here for ALL the reflections about work. The mix of relief and sadness makes a lot of sense; the whole situation was so UNFAIR. How nice that you have a coworker tea and gossip session planned. I find that even though I am — gulp — TEN YEARS out from my last office job, I still enjoy hearing about what’s going on there.
Common dreams! What a fun topic. I love knowing about other people’s recurring dreams. I have never heard of Roz Chast’s common dreams! Because I dream vividly and tend to remember my dreams, I feel like I have a LOT of recurring ones. Some of them are typical, like the teeth falling out. I have that one ALL the time; it is so unpleasant. I don’t think I typically experience sensation in dreams, but in that one, I have such intense feelings of the teeth crumbling and then rolling around in my mouth, or the weird feeling of over-loose teeth not fitting properly against my other teeth. YUCK.
I also have the forgot my locker combo/forgot to study for an exam/forgot to attend a class all year that I need to graduate.
Another recurrent dream has to do with getting ready — like, getting dressed and doing my hair. Sometimes I am trying to get ready for my wedding, and I don’t have time to shower or do my hair. Sometimes it’s a less momentous occasion, and I’m still scrambling to find the right clothes.
There’s a whole crew of extremely awful, violent dreams I have, too. Being on a crashing plane, being in a car that’s driving over a cliff.
Listing these, it’s no surprise I have anxiety, eh.
Ooooh, first comment! I have the dream where I’m completely or partially naked in places where one should not be naked–at work, at a party, etc. I haven’t ever had a flying dream, but I have had a roller-skating dream, where I’m in someplace like an airport and I’m on roller-skates just whizzing around the other people.
I had the teeth falling out dream fairly often. But once I looked up what it meant, I stopped having it. It’s not like I stopped having anxiety/worry (what I read that dream means), so I wonder if acknowledging it was enough to make me stop having it.
I’ve had the not going to class dream a few times. I’ve had a few dreams where I had planned a wedding and the wedding date is near, but I’d lied about having someone to marry. So I’m trying to figure out how to find a groom in time to get married.
My most frequent dreams are ones that I call realistic dreams. I’m basically living out a VERY intense period of time in my dream. Sometimes it is just mundane stuff, sometimes it is like criminal stuff. I know I’m dreaming but I can’t quite get out of it. I usually wake up pretty disturbed and then have to remind myself it was just a dream.
I frequently have the “horrible restroom” dream – in fact, I had one just the other night. I also have the “there’s an airplane crash” dream, but not as often, as well as the “I have to go back to high school because they calculated my credits wrong” one. I also have weird dreams where I’m driving, but the road is incredibly foggy (or it’s my vision) and I can’t slow down/stop. I’m sure it’s a metaphor for SOMETHING. It’s nice to know we’re not alone in the crazy dream department.
I realized recently that almost all of my dreams are Anxiety Dreams, even if I’m not actively anxious in the dream.
1) I need to pee dream : bathroom is gross/overcrowded/no doors/weirdly public like on a subway platform/becomes weirdly public while i’m in there assessing if I can actually pee – like the bathroom walls shrink until the toilet is in the middle of a soccer field
2) Didn’t graduate dream: can’t find the room I’m supposed to have my final in/can’t find the locker with my books in it/vaguely disturbed about the nature of the final, what class is this again & why have I forgotten to attend until the final/did anyone notice I never attended this class/getting a blank diploma
3) No place to call home, aka the dorm room dream: Room that is supposed to be mine is flooded/underwater or otherwise non habitable/can’t find the room/key doesn’t work/more roommates than beds and the roommates are discussing how I will need to be the one to leave even though I’m right there
4)Lost: this is a relatively new one but 4a) I’m trying to get somewhere and I don’t have my tickets or the train is leaving and I just missed it or I get on the wrong train/plane/automobile or 4b) driving on a road trip with just my dad (he’s been dead 20+ years) and we have no idea where we are or how we got there.
I hope some day soon you’ll be able to look back on this period of your life and be happy about the place where you’re at. It’s scary to not know what the next days, weeks, months will look like but it can also be freeing. Fingers crossed!
Re dreams: My most common themes include: kids in danger (those are the worst), unusable bathrooms, can’t graduate college because my high school diploma is invalid, can’t find something while not knowing what I am even looking for…
I have also just left my job (two weeks out) and am figuring out the emotions that go with that.
I love hearing about frequent or reoccurring dream themes. I also have the restroom dreams but my favorites are the dreams where I am exploring a house. It’s usually one of two houses, very large and sprawling with secret passages. Sometimes we have discovered the previous owners didn’t take anything with them and we have to sort through drawers and cabinets.
One of my most frequent dreams is trying to find my way through some giant building to get to where I need to go, and spending the entire dream doing it. Sometimes it’s a resort or hotel, others it’s a large school or school campus, or sometimes it’s a very large house. I have to use elevators but more frequently stairs, and the staircases are very wind-y and complicated, or the passageways are too small, or I have to climb through them like a jungle gym. I also frequently have work-adjacent dreams. I moved twice in the last few years and for awhile was having lots of dreams about being in the new house and discovering wings I didn’t know about, or going into the old house even though it had new owners, etc.
I think reading and commenting on this post really had an impact on my subconscious, because I had WILD dreams last night (including people becoming bears?!?).
I am SO here for the recurring dreams sharing! Mine are all clearly anxiety dreams:
I’m going to miss my flight: I cannot get all my stuff into my suitcase, everything is all over the room, I try to pack and the piles refuse to shrink.
I need to use the restroom: The toilet may not actually be connected to the pipes (like in a hardware store), or the base is loose and I accidentally moved it off the pipes, or I cannot find a free toilet in any of the restrooms in the whole (enormous) building! And the need is urgent!
I am naked in front of others/in public: Or I have a shirt on but no pants, or vice-versa, and I’m looking and looking for something to put on. I can find my children’s clothing, but nothing to fit me!
This is where I live, but not really? I am exploring a house, which I know to be mine, but it is completely new and unfamiliar to me.
Yes! Dream themes!!
Mine are:
Missing classes/not going to graduate
Having a baby
Teeth falling out
Buying 2nd homes in random countries and then realizing I can’t take care of them
I can’t recall dreams about elevators/escalators. Those sound interesting.
I have the unusable restroom dreams when I have to actually use the bathroom-they usually make me wake up in a panic! I didn’t realize this was a common theme and never mentioned it to anyone. Just this weekend, I had a long time friend staying with me and dreams came up in conversation and turns out she has them too! The same scenarios-bathroom is too gross/out of order/out in the open/too tall steps or toilet, too small stall. Fascinating!
My recurring dreams: I’m suddenly naked when I shouldn’t be naked and I’m trying to be all nonchalant about it but also desperately looking for something/anything to cover myself with. I’m driving a car down a hill and there is water going over the road at the bottom of the hill. The water is deeper than the car so the car would end up submerged if I drive into the water. I make myself wake up before I get to the water.
I just finished watching Belgravia and have been watching every clip of The Other Bennett girl while I wait for that to become available on BritBox. So I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising that last night’s dream was set in weird mix of Regency and Queen Victoria eras. I think a couple of the characters were also featured in the dream. I just remember waking up and thinking “that was a weird one”.
My most common dream is “interesting house”. Sometimes I am just at the open inspection and other times I have actually bought the house. Often is it HUGE, with magnificent hallways and many bedrooms. One time it had a room of hairdressing basins.
In the last 10 years I have had a recurring dream of being outside at night and the sky is full of silent planes all going in one direction. It’s like a war theme, but not actually distressing.
I have two recurring dreams that began once I became a mother. The first is my teeth are falling out. I have this dream when I feel like I lose all control over my corner of the world (as a parent). The second one is that I go back to my pre-kids consulting job, but I can’t do the work. It’s not imposter syndrome, it’s incompetence–I do not know how to do the work and am too embarrassed to ask a question to even get started so I just try to look busy while panicking inside. To no surprise, IRL I’m a SAHM. I also find myself insufficiently dressed in many dreams.
I have unusable restrooms dreams quite often. Generally the cubicles have half height doors and walls, or missing doors and walls altogether.
If I have an upcoming trip I have lots of dreams that I need to leave for the airport soon and I’m not packed yet
What about the emergency but can’t use the phone dreams? Battery dead, buttons broken, keep dialling wrong number. So stressful!
I read somewhere that no one can successfully use their cell phone in a dream. I don’t know if that is true, but I cannot use mine. It is suddenly a new kind, I cannot figure it out. The keys are all different and it won’t work. I am not too technology challenged in real life, but it is a different story in dreamland. I also cannot complete the class I need to graduate and have to take the mysterious, hard to locate elevator to my dorm room, where I cannot find the shower. So, that is pretty much my world.
Wow, this is so validating to read! I just had a dream where my house was being vandalized, but the primary stressor was that I couldn’t successfully look up the police phone number on my cell phone. 911 did not seem to exist…I just spent ages trying to find the phone number and failing
I read that no one can drive in their dreams, but apparently some people can! I absolutely cannot, and it’s always this inevitable feeling of things-being-very-bad (not terror, but just like “wow, there is no undoing this”), followed by relief that it was a dream.
Dreams
– We have a dog in the basement and nobody remembers to feed it, so it’s probably dying down there. (We have never had a dog.)
– I’m pregnant with twins. (I’m past the point in life where that would happen.)
– I’m in high school and haven’t been to one class all semester, even though I was supposed to attend that class, so I haven’t done the big coursework project for the class.
I had an unbearably long period of time (years) when almost every night I woke up repeatedly, several times each night, every time in a vivid dream where I was imploring someone I knew (always a person I could identify) not to be deceived into putting their faith in Trump and not to go down the Maga path. I always woke up heart pounding with fear for my friend, and with a heightened sense of urgency and danger. It was such a relentless dream that at several points, I thought it might end with me carried off in a padded van! Or perhaps dying of sleep deprivation and panic over my friends!
The dreams finally tapered off, probably at the point gave up all hope for my Maga friends.
This sounds so sad and stressful. I imagine you are a very empathetic friend.
I have the bathroom dreams, and the dreams where my parents have secret rooms in their house. I dream I’m going to live in a dorm, then wake up confused that I own my house. The most frequent dreams are teacher dreams where the kids don’t listen to me, or I have kids in my class that I don’t remember.
I have the “driving a malfunctioning car” dream all the time. Usually the brakes aren’t working, or the road is slippery/icy so I can’t steer properly.
And the “didn’t go to class all semester and now I have to take the final” dream – although one time I dreamed that I talked to the professor and explained the situation, and he said I could turn in the work late or just take an Incomplete for the semester. Thanks, dream professor!
I’ve only had the “found a secret room in my house” dream once or twice. However! I’ve been living with my parents since May of last year, and after I’d been there for probably six months, I FOUND A ROOM IN THE HOUSE THAT I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT. It’s just a little room off of the basement that my parents mostly use for storage, so nothing very exciting – although I did find out that they keep all the leftover Halloween candy in there, so that was fun for me. We call it the Secret Room now.
-Driving with no brakes – I’m pushing so hard with my feet on the pedals and there is no response.
-Have to pack up a house and catch a flight and I am not ready.
-The class I haven’t been attending all semester because I didn’t know I was registered.
-Holding on to a very long rope (like a rope swing) and SOARING all around in every direction effortlessly and joyfully but then realizing I’m going higher and higher and my grip will not hold out much longer.
-I also “read” in my dreams – there is often a fascinating letter and I am actually reading as fast as I can because I’m gradually becoming aware I’m dreaming and the letter is going to fade away. It is real print in my dreams. This occasionally also happens in languages that are not my mother tongue (languages I speak in real life but not super fluently).
-I sleep talk and startle on occasion, usually because I “see” – with great certainty – that there is an animal in the room. My husband tells me I’m dreaming and it takes some convincing on his part that he is right and I am actually dreaming.
I often dream of pregnancy or having a new baby. Naming the baby is often a key part of the dream. The last time (less than a week ago), it was a girl we named Georgia (nn Geordie) and I was breastfeeding and deeply happy. I think this is probably displaced wish fulfillment about grandchildren, not that I’d be nursing them.
I hope the tea and gossip was fun. I don’t think you come across as self-centered, or more than you should be considering a big thing just happened in your life.
How exciting to have found two other people with the dream topic of finding an additional room/annex/wing in their house! I have that dream at least twice a year and hate waking up from it…..
As a young mom, I frequently had a nightmarish dream about showing up to my classes completely unprepared (which does not bode well if you’re the teacher).
As a kid growing up in a household with literally thousands of books, I often dreamed about bookcases toppling over and spilling their contents on me.
The near place for the cat sounds so lovely.
My recurring dreams are usually : inability to find car/person/item in mall/university/city. My driving dreams usually involve having to control to car with my mind from the back seat. Those dreams usually involve a cliff. Terrifying. And then the dream with the endless staircase, always going up, with steps of different sizes making it impossible to ascend, although I am compelled to ascend. I haven’t had that one for a long time. I don’t think I have ever had an elevator dream.
Enjoy the tea and gossip!
I totally support your decision (not that you were, like waiting for my support or should care at all what I think, but still) — and I’m also so sad on behalf of libraries. We need amazing people like you . The staff who pull the holds and grab the bookdrop are our lifeblood. I’m so sorry you weren’t respected and appreciated and I do hope you consider another library job someday if it ever feels right.
It is weirdly comforting to see how many people have overlapping dreams?! My most frequent one is the “in school and taking a class/exam I haven’t been attending/studying for and am woefully unprepared for,” followed by forgotten baby and loose teeth!
I frequently dream about the geography of a city I used to live in – sometimes it’s a restaurant that only exists in the dream version of this city that I am trying to find (I think it’s interesting that it’s always the same restaurant in the same place for 10+ years), or a neighborhood that I forgot was just beyond the edge.
I also have fairly frequent dreams where I have forgotten my husband. I will be in some kind of awkward (not really wish fulfillment) romantic situation and suddenly remember that I am in fact married and so that takes care of that but also maybe my husband will be annoyed that I forgot about him.
I have this too! And I always feel so worried and anxious about having accidentally almost cheated on my husband, and am incredibly relieved to wake up
My most common stress dream is about being completely or partially naked in public and being freaked out about it, but not easily able to fix it.
*rediscover or discover unused rooms/floors/wings of my house (or a very familiar house/building)
*have forgotten to get dressed, show up for work in just a towel
*teeth falling out (though I haven’t had that one for a quite a while)
*have shown up at school prepared to teach but prepared for the wrong class (or have been given a new timetable at the very last second)
Ha ha tea and more tea, my favorite!
I have the airplane crashing in the not too far distance a lot! I am also a lifetime server so I have waitress dreams a lot. I had a dream one time that I was working a party at Tony Danza’s beach house and he was SUCH a jerk, so demanding about super unrealistic possibilities! Literally that dream was 30 years ago and I have not felt the same about Tony Danza, who I previously liked a LOT, since! My older brother died a few years ago after a short and brutal illness, and I wish I dreamt about him more. I’m jealous of my sister when she says she dreams she sees him.
I hope you are enjoying your time NOT at work and if you get low, just say out loud, I do not DREAM of LABOR, darling.
My most often dreams are just me and my mom (who died over 30 years ago) usually just doing the kind of things we used to do – shopping, or talking together, or with our cat (also long gone). But in the most unlikely places, like in Las Vegas or NYC, or in my current house which she never saw. Or even weirder, my mom AND my adult daughter who was a child when mom died, sitting in my house chatting.
Quite unsettling when I wake.
I apparently have a LOT of recurring dreams, as I had to stop reading the comments to jot down my own list!
*I need a bathroom but can’t find one or the toilets are disgusting or the stalls have no doors; this literally wakes me up realizing I have to go to the bathroom in reality.
*I’m late and will miss my flight or ride; usually right before a trip, so pretty obvious cause/effect there.
*no brakes, I am driving and can’t get the car to stop.
*can’t find my room in a hotel, and am confused as I just came from it, but either I can’t find the room number or don’t remember it.
*can’t type on my phone properly, to text someone or check the map for something I can’t find.
*I was driving but now I’m suddenly walking, and I don’t know where my car is.
*I am trying to go somewhere but the way is through a tight space and I’m afraid of getting stuck, or do get stuck. I recently had a very vivid and real-feeling dream of this happening in which I told someone in the dream that I had recurring dreams about this, very meta.