I want to be careful to put this WELL INTO PERSPECTIVE, and I will in a second, but to begin I want to complain that I feel like this illness ruined the time I was planning to have with the twins and William home from college. We were going to play games! and put together puzzles! and keep watching Christmas movies! and do some fun organizational tasks (sorting stickers)! and do fun outings! and maybe go see a movie! They were going to have friends over! William was going to lead us in some group cleaning tasks, like where we all clean as much as we can in one room together for 30 minutes! But now the twins go back to college this weekend, and I am still sick—too sick to drive them back, which I’d been looking forward to. It is quite fun to be stuck in a car with them for 7-8 hours and hear all their conversations, and stop for treats, and so forth.
To put it in perspective (as one should ONLY advise oneself to do, never someone else), I did still get lots of time with them. We had the week before Christmas, and also most of Christmas Day, before we got sick. And when I was sick in bed, and Elizabeth was just a little sick, she came to my room and lounged with me and we traded tidbits from the People magazines we were reading. (Apparently when they asked about me at work, Elizabeth said, “She’s pretty sick—but I know she’s going to be okay, because she’s lying there saying ‘Oh my god, Brad Pitt’s girlfriend is 33??'”) On two occasions William, who has also been sick with Ear Involvement, came into the room with his electric throw blanket and said “Move over” to Elizabeth, and all three of us were lounging, and William was pretending not to be interested in celebrity gossip but then semi-crabbily participating anyway. And I have been too sick to play games, but I have spent some pleasant evenings sitting the living room while the kids played games, just listening to them and enjoying their presence/interactions, even though I am a little amazed how often they swear, right in front of us, like they don’t know they’re supposed to pretend in front of their parents that they don’t swear. I have been too sick to go on the Pokemon team walks we were planning to do with Edward, but that is okay; it is pretty cold out anyway, and Pokemon does not matter in a big-picture way. The twins were able to go without me to get registered to vote, and they arranged for absentee ballots for the primary, and that matters more in a big-picture way.
And of course the usual “They are alive, I am alive, we have a roof and we have food, therefore everything is okay” perspective, though that zooms out a bit far. I have a co-worker who, when confronted with even a rather serious work kerfuffle, will say “Nobody died, nobody died,” and I get that this is partly a recentering/coping thought for her, and also that she is trying to counteract some of our coworkers who do indeed get a bit overwrought about things that are temporary and fixable—and yet, “Nobody died” still zooms out too far for me. YES, okay, nobody died, but we do still have water pouring in through a leak in the ceiling over non-fiction, and oops now there is a second leak in Children’s, so can we flip out a little with tarps and garbage cans NOW and count our blessings LATER?? Yes, it is true we are all alive, but we also just found out our raises this year are 1.5% and meanwhile the cost of living increased 8.7%, meaning we are all getting paid LESS than before, so I think we do still get to complain about that, even keeping in mind the unfathomable blessing of life.
Well this resonates with me. H got Covid 12/20 then I got it 12/24 meanwhile Oldest came home from college at midnight 12/19 with his partner so H didn’t even see them for days. I was so looking forward to spending the holidays with them and Youngest making cookies, watching movies, playing Catan, doing puzzles etc. Instead H quarantined in Oldest’s room for 5 days then I quarantined in our room for 5 days. We opened presents on our covered back patio (that we covered and heated in 2020 for covid thank dog, but still). We masked in our own home for 10+ days. We’re fine, we’re all fine, we recovered just fine except for some lingering fatigue I’m still having. But no cookie making, no puzzles, no movies together. I feel like I hardly got to see Oldest before he went back to school. Youngest stayed away from me because we didn’t want her to get covid. It was such a disappointment of a holiday break all around.
Now I’m back at work and worried that congress is going to be a bag of dicks and not pass spending bills and I’m not going to get paid and things still cost a ton and and and. I have so much to be grateful for but the end of 2023/beginning of 2024 is testing my gratitude.
“testing my gratitude” is a great way to phrase it. And I’m sorry you and Swistle were both so ill.
One of my favorite quotes is your tagline. Rings true for this post, too! Get well, dear Swistle!
I came here to say this!
Me too!
Our vacation got disrupted, too, when my mother-in-law suffered a bad fall the day after Christmas. My wife’s at her house helping her out, 2.5 weeks later and isn’t coming home any time soon. We’re grateful of course that it wasn’t worse and as your co-worker said, no one died, but it’s going to life-changing for MIL at least in the medium term, and even though it might seem petty, I’m sorry for the things we didn’t get to do and I miss my wife, who has had to miss seeing the performance of a play my youngest directed and our anniversary.
Oh, I’m so sorry. That does sound life-changing, and stressful for all involved.
I fussed long and hard that my youngest college kiddo had to go back on 12/29. I MISS HER!
I got sick when my parents were in town last fall, and I had a similar reaction: YES we still got to spend time together, and YES I’m lucky that my illness wasn’t too bad, but I also had to miss out on a big chunk of time that I could have spent doing fun things with them! And that was really disappointing!
I hope you’re continuing to feel better, and I’m sorry you didn’t get to do more fun things while your kids were in town.
This post is perfection. What a bummer to not have the time with the kids you were anticipating. And the EAR PAIN, on top of that, SHEESH. (Also, leaky ceilings in a place of BOOKS and the response is not “eek!” but “nobody died”? I agree that sounds like one cope too far.)
“one cope too far” makes me laugh. What a good line.
Aww, that does stink to not be able to do the puzzles and games and fun things with the home-from-college kids. Definitely disappointing.
This post hit just when I needed it. I’m sorry for all the yuck, Swistle! And now here’s my sob story, that will all be fine, and I’m so lucky, blah blah blah. I’m a teacher and just found out that they are cutting a classroom at my grade level, so I’m going to volunteer to retire, rather than fight for the position. I’ll have to find another job, but it can be part time, because I’ve taught for 36 years and have a decent retirement. Unfortunately, my husband is self employed and has nothing, and we didn’t always make the best financial decisions, but we’ll be fine. But I wasn’t ready! I mean, I am, in some ways, but I love my kids/families and my school and I work with a great team, and the new admin team is supportive and wah wah wah. Although my principal did try to tell me that maybe it’s meant to be, and something better is out there, but really, lady, TOO SOON!
Oooooh, the “meant to be” comments GET ME every time! Sometimes life sucks and it is not part of a cosmic plan! Sometimes things DON’T work out for the better! Ugh I get that it’s a platitude that people say when they don’t know what to say but it needs to stop.
And I’m sorry about your unplanned retirement. My mom taught school for nearly 30 years and I know all too well how school administrations can make decisions that aren’t necessarily in anyone’s best interest. I hope things DO work out for the better for you!
I will frequently complain about how the artificial season of Christmas runs us off our feet and puts so much stress on us and really why do we do it all, and at the same time if anything happens to interfere with the full enjoyment of the holiday it is TERRIBLE. And anything that interferes with time with your children who no longer live at home is evidence of the universe being a giant dick.
When I checked in on your blog from the click click click post until you posted the flu post and it was still there and no updates, I kept thinking “Oh yay! Swistle is hanging with her kids and having a lovely time. She is too busy having fun to post for us to read.” Then, when your flu post went up ***I*** was sad and disappointed for you!
I’m so glad you got to have good times, even if they were not the good times you envisioned. The gossipy people magazines in the bed sounds like the exact kind of time I’d want when sick.
I’m sorry you are going to miss the drive too. I hope you are all better soon.
I can relate to this so much. This was my second Christmas in a row being sick while my college kid was home, and this year was her LAST year of being a college kid so it sucked even harder.
I hope you’re fully recovered very soon, and I’m sorry you have to miss the drive.
I feel as though the Perspective People would pop up if someone did die and come up with some brightsiding then.
Also I am thinking about This Is Spinal Tap: “Too much f*ing perspective”
Currently dealing with big concerns (my 95YO mom broke her leg) and small ones, and I reserve the right to be upset about all of it.
Listening to my kids play board games is one of my favorite things.
I work in grief support in the context of palliative care and YES – the “Perspective People” do pop up and brightside death ALL the time (sometimes subtly). No. No. No.
Ugh! I’m so sorry! I was sick last Christmas and also felt pretty sorry for myself as it is my very favorite day/week/season and I didn’t get to enjoy having my kids home from school as much (and they are not even away at college they were just on break from middle/high school so not as dire really since they still live here full time). And I have heard from so many people that were sick over this Christmas and had plans thwarted. Take care and hope you are all better soon!
Kid #2 was only home for a week because he had to interview for something-or-other super project for his major. In person? In this day and age? And he goes to school out-of-state 4.5 hours away. And we have to drive him. And so with work and life schedules, he was only home a week, and I’m still a bit bummed because I basically only saw him on Xmas day since he called in and got hours every other night at his restaurant job he does when he’s home.
But no one was sick here. And kid #1’s boyfriend was here (and it was seriously lovely to have him), and for the 1st year in many, we kind of went overboard with the gifts and decorating.
So, yes, instead of continually bumming myself out on the super brief visit of kid #2, I’m going keep remembering the pleasant stuff. It’s the last year all four of my kids will be here as “residents” in my house as we have big graduations and movings across the country happening this summer.
“Brad Pitt’s girlfriend is only 33?” I seriously wish I knew you in real life. lol