Paul left very early this morning, around 4:30 a.m., to bring the twins back to college, so I said goodbye to them the night before. I didn’t know which would be worse: getting up early and then having to see them drive off, the house suddenly very quiet and dark; or waking up as I did this morning and knowing they were already gone. Both ways seemed bad.
I feel freshly bereft, and I assume/hope this time it will not last anywhere near as long as when they first went to college. By the time Christmas break happened, I was completely accustomed to not having them here, and was just looking forward to seeing them. I hope it will not take long to get back to that point. This morning, waking up, I thought, briefly, what is the point of getting out of bed. But I am still a little sick, and my ear still hurts, and those things can artificially multiply despair. There are two other children at home! This will be a nice life even when NONE of the children are here! Buck up, little camper!
I started by drinking a big cup of water and taking a shower and having a good large breakfast, and then doing something nice for the plants. (Long, long ago, I saw an article/comic/post about managing depression / low moods, I think a list of things the author would try for their own recurring cases of it, and one of the things on the list was something like “Do something nice for the fish”—perhaps with a drawing of the author putting some fresh water and/or food into the fish tank. I have thought of it so many times since, and applied it in so many ways, and can’t find the original—so if it rings a bell and you know the source, I beg you to tell me. [Edited to add: commenter Tiffanie found it, with clues from commenter Nine! Breaking the Low Mood Cycle, by Elodie Under Glass])
Now I am eating a bowl of pudding with graham cracker crumbs and whipped cream, to simulate pudding pie. Soon perhaps I will have a second bowl. The twins are safe and well. It is good for them to be at college.
I think I know exactly what you are referring to but google sucks now so I can’t find it. :( I found it via Captain Awkward back in the day and it was how to deal with a low mood and had intentionally basic/ms paint-esque drawings, sort of like Allie Brosh. The thing about the fish might have also had a drawing of taking the fish for a nice little walk? It was so charming and helpful.
I wonder if this is the essay? If it is, Nine, your provided excellent clues!
https://captainawkward.com/2014/06/29/guest-post/
YESSSS I think that must be IT!!! From 2014, my goodness!! I cannot believe you FOUND it! Thanks to you and to Nine with the clues!!
Yay! I bow to your mad google skillz!
That article is so helpful!
Have you seen the doc more than once about your ear? It should really not be hurting so long
Three times so far.
xoxoxoxo Swistle. You’ve had such a rough time and to still feel so sick, it’s just awful. No wonder you’re feeling so low. Hope you feel better soon.
I have been wondering what it’s like to send a younger child to college once you’ve already been through it with an older sibling, if it’s as intense. My younger kid had such a rough go of it for a lot of high school I thought any sadness I feel when they leave could be overshadowed by relief, but when they casually mentioned they might take a summer job away from home next summer, the summer before college, it was like a kick in the gut, so maybe not.
I am in no way suggesting that my experience is universal, but for me, having the youngest leave was in some ways better (Freedom! I need do nothing I do not feel like doing! Goodbye, nightly dinner!) and partly worse (Youngest is good company who liked doing stuff with me, so I miss him).
Oh my goodness, I loved that Captain Awkward essay! “if you do the Housework first, then you can still eat the pudding. And it will be the Pudding of Getting Shit Done” or the Reese’s cup of getting half way through the day with two kids home for the holiday and it’s freezing out.
The first year Eve went away to university, we DID find it worse having her go back after Christmas. It got better faster, though. It’s good for them. It just sucks that they’re far away because they’re fun to have around.
As always, I love your perspective on things. Buck up, little camper! is officially one of my new mental mantras. ‘Let me do something for the…’ is a coping mechanism I’ve been using and have found helpful. There is something about assisting another living thing (especially one that is nonjudgmental or responds only positively) gets me out of my head in such a positive way. I’ve recently heard that the act of physically touching plants, the Earth, nature has been proven to improve a person’s perfective on things, lower blood pressure and do other impressive things. So taking care of plants is a win/win for everyone.
Thank you for this – I needed it today.