I am stressed because I took Henry for an eye exam (he told us a few weeks ago he couldn’t see the board at school), and his vision is SO MUCH WORSE than we had any idea it was, and also the optometrist gently scolded me for not bringing him in sooner, saying that my delay has cost Henry potential vision: that is, if I’d brought him in sooner, he would have had better vision, but that brain development for vision ends around age 5-6 (Henry is 7), and so even WITH glasses he’ll likely never have 20-20 vision. If I’d brought him sooner, they could have done more. This taps directly into one of my WORST PARENTING FEARS, which is the whole category of preventable catastrophe (aka, “If only…”), so even though I wouldn’t put this under the heading “catastrophe,” I am still all upset.
I don’t want further scolding here, I think that’s clear. And I would say right now I am keyed up to the point where I would interpret agreements such as “Yeah, you’re supposed to bring them in by age one/two/four/whatever” as further scolding—because right now I would hear that as “You should have known (even if you didn’t), so you screwed up.”
I didn’t even want to be scolded the first time, in fact. Our pediatrician starts nagging about the dentist at the 9-month check-up, but hasn’t done the same with vision. The schools do vision screening, so Henry was screened in preschool and in kindergarten and in first grade, but passed all three times. William failed that screening back in elementary school, and when we took him for an eye exam his eyes were 20-25. Henry PASSED AT LEAST THREE TIMES (I don’t know if they’ve done it yet for second grade) and the only part of the eye chart he could see today was the giant E all by itself in the top row. “He should have been wearing glasses for YEARS already,” said the optometrist.
So now he is getting glasses, and even WITH the glasses his eyes will be 20-25 and 20-30. The optometrist said don’t worry, that’s still considered normal range—but Henry is SEVEN. His vision is already not-entirely-correctable at SEVEN. (AND COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF ONLY I’D BROUGHT HIM IN SOONER.)
Also, I don’t know what his actual 20-whatever is without glasses. Is there a way to tell from the prescription? The giant E says 20-200, but surely his vision is not 20-200. Surely. I asked the doctor how bad Henry’s vision was, but he misunderstood and told me the -2.75 information instead of the 20-something format I’m used to—or maybe they don’t use the 20-something format anymore. Anyway, do you know if there’s a way to tell from the prescription? I will put it here, in case you know:
R SPH -2.75 CYL -0.25 AXIS 95
L SPH -2.25 CYL -0.75 AXIS 112
No scolding. Here is a website that converts diopters (the -2.75 stuff) to 20/x stuff. At the end he has a tentative list- it would seem that -2.75 would convert to something like 20/120 or a little less? (The measurement conversion is on the bottom of the page, ignore the rest of the page) http://www.improve-vision-naturally.com/20-20-vision.html
You are a fine mother, we all miss things sometimes. Henry will be fine, and wearing glasses is by no means a major handicap to doing well. Indeed, glasses can be the kind of sartorial choice that will allow him to stand out without taking too major a risk. You are doing perfectly fine!
Coulda woulda shoulda is like hindsight, its always 20-20. And despite what this obnoxious opthamologist made you feel, there’s no guarantee that earlier visits would have made such a huge change. Besides, there are so many varied opinions on when children need what doctor visit or screening. My pediatrician says no pacifiers after 12 mo, pedi dentist says pacifiers wont cause harm until 3ish years. I like both docs, so I split the difference and am not worrying. In Henry’s case, by the time he grows up there will be something even better than LASIK to correct his vision.
Oh, hugs to you. Before I had corrective surgery my eyes were -5.75 and -5.25 and there is no way that was 20/200, so while I don’t know the exact interpretation I don’t think it can be that. I’m so sorry you’re upset but how could you possibly know if he passed all the screenings? Also I feel that the doctor is wrong to scold you in that manner because the past is past! We work on “what we can do” not “what we should have done in a perfect world with perfect circumstances – especially when he passed all the screenings!
Now, I’m going to tell you something. One of my friends had a little boy and when he went to the opthamologist he skewed the test. It appeared he had very poor vision but it turned out to not be the case. He had just been used to reading super close up and then the tests were difficult for him. Now, with him passing all those screenings and then suddenly having 20/200 vision, it might be worth a second opinion.
In my humble opinion, my children being in their twenties, is that your optometrist is AN ASS. Or at least behaved like AN ASS in this instance.
Amen. What an obnoxious to say to someone and not the slightest bit helpful. I know doctors are human and we all have bad days, but good grief. Good luck to Henry and his new glasses and Internet hugs to Swistle!
Second.
Yes, this. Repeat repeat repeat.
Completely agree! What would be the point of scolding a parent that much? If there is truly nothing to be done because he wasn’t seen earlier then all he was doing was trying to make you feel bad! Not cool. I really doubt it could have been caught too much earlier if he was passing the school screenings anyway.
I totally agree. A total ASS
Yes. I think a new ophthalmologist is in order. When I took my daughter to my ophthalmologist for the first time, he pronounced her nearsighted and said, “Now, who can we blame for that?” and looked at me with a smile (I’m extremely nearsighted). I asked if there was anything she shouldn’t do, such as sit too close to the TV or read in dim light, and he said no, that they used to think things like that were important, but now they think it’s just genetics. Her eyes will get as bad as they’re going to get, and that’s that.
I wish you had a like button so I could like Paula’s response times infinity. Your optometrist IS AN ASS.
Also, I’m a bit confused, because kids’ eyes, y’know, CHANGE, and if he passed prior vision screens, maybe this is a new change? I know that I passed vision screens every year til fourth grade when I suddenly could only see the top two rows, so how is she confident that this is not a new finding?
Also? I have a story for you. I took my 5yo for an eye exam and the optometrist said she was a bit more far-sighted than she would expect and she should see her in six months instead of a year. Then she had a vision screen at school which actually turned out to be ANOTHER optometrist exam, and they wrote her a prescription for glasses. I was completely confused, as i expected it to just be an informal screen, so I brought the ‘script to the follow-up appt. At that exam, the optometrist said yes, she is a bit far-sighted and she also has some mild astigmatism, not exactly the Rx you have here, but enough we should correct. I asked as vaguely as I could, since 5yo was in the room, if she could perhaps be faking it? Because her best friend has glasses and she wants them too? And the optometrist swore up, down, and sideways that she was not faking and she had Ways Of Knowing that she wasn’t. So we spent $100 on glasses, after insurance.
And the first week, she wore them only rarely, and always looked over the top of them to see. As a very near-sighted person, I know new glasses can be uncomfortable, so I gave her time. (also, the Rx is very weak and they said to make her the boss of her glasses and let her decide when to wear them.) After that first week, she stopped wearing them completely. She has been on CHristmas break for almost two weeks and they haven’t left her backpack. She has done the required math worksheets without a problem and has made leaps and bounds in her reading, all wtihout them. Because it turns out that optometrists do not know everything after all, is the moral of the story here.
There is nothing worse than being scolded for something that can’t be changed – what on earth is the point of telling you that? Much better to focus on ‘here’s what we will do…’ etc. Big hugs to you, please don’t beat yourself up x
That eye doctor sounds like a… Well, he sounds like a jerk. Millions of people wear glasses and are perfectly fine. Millions of people require glasses at 7 years old and are perfectly fine. There’s no guarantee that earlier screening would have made any difference and considering Henry passed his school eye test you had no reason to pursue it. You’re a good mom.
Our Ped only asked us to get the boy checked THIS YEAR (12), because he was showing symptoms of maybe migraine or something (nope, all fine now)
It was ME who dragged our perfect vision boy to the eye doctor at nine because that’s the age I was when my vision went foul, and the age my husband was when HIS went foul.
So you are totes still a terrific mommy, and pooh to that eye doctor, and get yourself a more compassionate one.
I teach first and second grade and I have never heard of this. We only had our daughter screened because she was having trouble in school.
Just a chime in from someone who has terrible vision – I’m no better than 20/30 with contact lenses, never have been and never will be without LASIK, which I haven’t gotten because I would STILL have to have corrective lenses, just a lesser prescription. I want to assure you that I am perfectly fine and the worst that happens is that sometimes I can’t read a sign that’s far away very clearly when a person with normal vision can. And I mean a pretty far away sign, not anything that interferes with driving or day to day life. If I’ve got my contacts, life is great. You’re a good mom, and certainly if he was passing screenings, how would you have known?? Maybe find a new opthamologist though? Yikes. Hugs to you and Henry will be just fine.
I HAD eye surgery and chose to correct to 20/40 which is allowable for driving. I was told it would delay the time I would need glasses for close up reading, which it did. I did EVERYTHING for 17 YEARS at 20/40 and never lost a child or felt as if I missed out on anything.
I really, really dislike medical professionals who scold because all they succeed in doing is me not wanting to 1) go back to them 2) ask my questions/tell all the information . There is a way to impart the same information without scolding!
I think you are doing just great, and Henry will be just fine!
Yep. A few years ago, my son’s pediatrician was prescribing a bunch of tests and procedures for something that I was really certain was either Very Minor, or possibly psychosomatic, since my boy was going through some stuff at the time. I questioned whether there was a less intrusive and less expensive way to rule out the minor stuff before we got to the big expensive testing and he got kind of huffy. When I pointed out that we didn’t have insurance, he got really nasty. IN FRONT OF MY KIDS he lectured me on how irresponsible it was not to have health insurance (like I was uninsured so that Mommy could buy a better brand of vodka and a big screen tv, rather than the actual answer of “Father is a worthless deadbeat who hasn’t paid support in three years.” Ass.) and skirted very close to calling me a bad mother. I stood up, asked for the prescriptions/referrals he’d been writing and walked out. We have never been back to that office, and I wrote a very angry letter to hospital system that the practice was part of. I don’t know if it did any good, since no one ever contacted me, but it made me feel better. Anyway, I said all that to say this: Your doc was wrong to speak to you like that, and if you can go to a different guy in the future, you should.
The Boy is fine, btw. Situational anxiety. He’s doing very well now.
My mum’s an optometrist and I asked her to look at this post – she said to let you know she’ll get in touch. Sounds like your optician was just being unnecessarily unpleasant.
That sounds awful, and how were you possibly supposed to know his vision was that bad if he passed three eye exams?? Hugs to you; it’s awful being scolded.
Here is an anecdote that might make you feel better: my parents also did not take me to the optometrist until I was 7, and not until my music teacher told them that I had to sit so close to my stand to see the music that I was constantly knocking it over. My vision was AWFUL, and no one had realized it. The optometrist said he was surprised I hadn’t been hit by a car yet. I had no idea that trees had individual leaves on them. My prescription has been around -7.00 in one eye and -5.75 in the other since I can remember. Way, way, way worse than Henry’s.
And you know what? It has not affected my life one bit. I wore glasses from age 7 to 14, switched to contacts at 14, and it’s always been perfectly fine. I’m not sure if I have perfect vision with my contacts in, but it’s never been a problem in any way — I don’t live my life thinking that I wish my vision were better. Someone asked me recently if I would get Lasik, and it had never even occurred to me. So, all this is to say, EVEN IF there is something they could have done to correct Henry’s vision, if SOMEHOW you had magically known that he needed it despite passing the exams…it might not really change his life all that significantly.
I got glasses as a young child and when i got them I was as nearsighted as Henry. My current prescription is in the -5.75 range. I am completely unable to function without glasses or contacts. With glasses or contacts my vision is corrected to 20/15. That’s BETTER than 20/20. I think that without early intervention what the Doctor said is a possibility but it is in NO WAY a guarantee. I’m living proof. Also, that doctor is a jerk.
Hey, Swistle, stop panicking!
I am an optometrist in UK, Contact me direct, and I will talk you through it all.
You are NOT a mind reader, You have done NOTHING wrong, and they are probably not even giving you the whole story…
I went shortsighted at the same age, by a similar amount, and it happened VERY QUICKLY.
So even if you had taken him 6 months ago, it may have NOT BEEN THERE TO FIND. OK
You are a great and loving Mum, and doing a good job.
believe me, I have been dealing with this sort of thing for 30 years.
Just contact me, OK?
Hugs
My mom’s vision (without glasses) is such that she can’t even SEE the big E, and I think I’ve heard her say 20/200 about herself. And I think her Rx is in the -5 to -6 range. So Henry is not THERE.
I am Lilly Handmade’s mum!
as above!
ALSO, kids can experience sudden worsening of vision. So he might well have passed his eye exams at school, and also if you had brought him in earlier, he may have seemed fine then as well!
So I mean, doctor is not full of rightness, here.
My parents only realized that I needed glasses when I borrowed a friend’s glasses (just messing around) and was like, HEY! I CAN SEE! That was in third grade. I had even been to the eye doctor a bunch of times before that to correct strabismus, but I guess had never failed the vision test. And just like Henry, all I could see was the big E! In your case, given the school screenings I don’t see how you could possibly have known to take him in the first place unless he’d said he couldn’t see or started falling over the furniture or something.
As a side note, as I grew up and even more so as an adult my vision kept getting worse and two different eye drs just kept making my contacts/glasses stronger, UNTIL FINALLY I went to a new eye doctor and he was like, “Hey, don’t you know that you have astigmatism!” and I was all, NO, and lo and behold, the number of my prescription went from a -9 (NINE) with ZERO astigmatism correction to a -4-something plus whatever astigmatism correction I require. So doctors themselves can mess people up for years! Seriously, TWO different doctors, including the one I went to for over 15 years growing up. Thanks for NOTHING.
So I cant help with the 20-something part of the prescription but I can help with understanding the rest of it? so the first number is how long or short sighted you are, in Henry’s case he is very slightly short sighted (the higher the number the worse your vision. I am +4.5 and +4.25 so very long sighted). The second number is to do with the amount of astigmatism (how round your eyes are) the lower the number the rounder your eyes are, so henry has very slightly oval shaped eyes. The last number is the direction of the astigmatism in degrees (this is not related to how well you see but if for whomever is making the glasses to position the lenses in the frames).
Ugh, what a jerk of a doctor! :\
My experience was almost much like Portia’s. Glasses at 7, my vision was AWFUL, my parents felt terrible about it “mom! there are houses across the lake!” (we lived on a small lake, this should not have been hard for me to see). But if you got vision checks through school, there’s literally nothing else you could have been expected to do. I got a vision check for my kids at 4 because my eyes are terrible and they needed a vision check for Kindergarten. Give you crap about this is ridiculous and would make me tempted to find a different eye doctor, to be honest.
I am an optometrist and I think the doctor was definitely overreacting. For one thing, I don’t expect any kids that young to read 20/20. Sometimes it’s just a factor of how tired they are or how they feel during the exam and if we get to at least 20/30 in each eye and the eyes are healthy then I don’t worry if they can’t read 20/20.
I also disagree with the doctor that the vision won’t get better because (again with seeing lots of young kids) in my experience many times younger children that don’t see 20/20 will see 20/20 once they are accustomed to their glasses and also are a little older (less intimidated in the exam situation). It also depends on if the doctor was encouraging or only gave him one chance to read the letters! Some kids are not sure and need a little coaxing on the smaller lines.
TL;DR. Don’t worry. Have him wear the glasses and go to his regular check ups, but for myopia (nearsightedness) he will be fine and very likely will see 20/20 when he is older.
Awesome reply! This is what the internet was made for. This, and kitten videos.
I have no idea what your optician meant, unless Henry has some strange kind of vision I’ve not heard of, because my eyes are -3.75 and -2.75 (we don’t use the 20/whatever in the UK) and I didn’t get glasses until I was 10 and now, as an adult, my contact lenses correct my vision perfectly and I’ve never heard anyone suggest they might not.
Oh! Addendum. Even if the eyes are 20/25 and 20/30…you don’t walk around with one eye open! Both together he’s at least 20/25 (which is FINE for normal life unless he decides to be a sharpshooter) and he’s actually probably between 20/25 and 20/20. Two heads are better than one, and two eyes are better than one!
My girl got glasses last year in first grade. Within six months she told me she couldn’t see anymore and I didn’t believe her. After she insisted, took her in to find her vision went from -0.5 to -1.5 in five months. Six months later, her RX changed hugely again. All this is to say their eyes can change rather quickly and how would either of you know? He’d never known another way of seeing and if he passed the school screening, you don’t have magic powers.
That doctor is an ass and if you have options, I would not go back.
Crikey, what a day!
They shouldn’t be so mean, dentists,doctors,eye guys… It’s all people jobs, and being nice, is what people jobs should mean. I’m sorry they made you feel bad.
Your not Henry, you can’t see through Henry’s eyes and tell how it looks, and he’s only seven, so doesn’t have a real idea of what things should and shouldn’t look like, so any blame seems pretty unfair!
My partner has terrible eyes ( astigmatism) so I’m now wondering when I should take our kids, so this whole post has at least taught me something, and hopefully nice people have helped you lose some mama guilt ( mama guilt sucks)
dear Meg,
there is no lower age limit for having an eye exam. Children with high astigmatism should be corrected early, as it gives the best opportunity for good vision as adults. They do not need to be able to read, we do other tests, and I am happy to test any child of any age, and IF necessary, give specs.
It is a good idea, like the dentist, to take them early, so that they learn that it is fun, and not frightening.
If there are no problems with eyes in the family, and the parents are not worried, I would take the children by age 4. If there are any doubts at all, take them as soon as you can. The youngest I have prescribed for was a 6 week old non ‘fix and follow’ child- puts Henry to shame- they were approx
+12.00/ -8.00- no wonder they did not fix and follow! and will have had a good outcome in the end, I believe!
but, find someone who likes children!
What a jerk! I’m sorry you had to go through this, but the bright side? Now there is a plan of action.
I had LASIK 7 years ago, and just went for my annual exam. I’m 20/25 and that just means that I can see just fine, but my left eye is just a little blurry. If I would shut my right eye, I can still see JUST FINE out of my left, but not as sharp as my right (think: Option 1 or Option 2? during the exam. You can see both, but one is slightly better). Does that make sense?
Ridiculous! Nearsightedness is really normal and so easily treatable. Why such a fuss? A completely no big deal thing. Henry is only 7! I got glasses at 9 and thought that was young. I went from using them only to see the blackboard to needing them to function in just a few short months – I think kids eyes must change quickly. You did great by thinking to bring him to the eye doctor and getting him his glasses. My conclusion is: good job, and I hope Henry will enjoy his new glasses. Wait for his amazement when he starts seeing all type of detail he didn’t realize was there. It’s like going from 1995 TV to HD overnight. It will warm your heart.
Concurring with the others, but since the optometrist was SO judgmental and brusque, I wanted to chime in even with no new information. FWIW, my family have all gotten glasses late, some haven’t been able to be corrected to 20/20, and we’re all good. The only annoyance is that my partner (who wears glasses that correct him to 20/15) sees road signs better than I do, and he gloats.
Here’s hoping you have easy-to-switch to people nearby, since you deserve options better than someone who behaves that boorishly.
By the way, my pediatrician told me that with young kids, they are happy with 20/30 uncorrected vision and don’t consider it as needing glasses unless it’s worse than that. So what Henry is getting with glasses is fine!
Oh please, that “you made it worse by not bringing him in earlier” is BS. He has no way of knowing that, and I don’t even think that can happen. I’ve had crappy eyesight (20/400 when not corrected or something like that) all my life until I finally got LASIK. It’s not much of a handicap – it’s just not. I doubt ever had perfect vision even with contacts or glasses. The brain compensates and it’s not something to put on your list of things you screwed up. You’ll get him some glasses and maybe an eye doctor who’s not such a jerk, and it will be FINE. :-)
I…I thought the vision screens at school would at least point one toward taking a child in. I have not taken either of my boys in! One is almost seven and the other is 20 months. So…crap. Well I agree with others who have said you are a very good mom and I don’t think you’ve done a thing wrong. I think some things cannot be helped, no matter how much experts think they can.
a screening is only that, a screening- it is sensible to take the children to be checked thoroughly anyway, as it may prevent problems later on. A longsighted child may pass a screening, but still need help when doing a lot of close work.
so, get them checked anyway! Find a friendly, reputable practice, and let them enjoy it!
The only advice I’m going to give is — find a new optometrist ASAP! As someone who has had horrible vision throughout my life (much like the rest of my family), I’ve had my fair share of time in the optometrists chair and have experienced both good and bad ones, and this is one who I would run from as fast as I can (regardless of how much experience or degrees he has). Scolding you like that is ridiculous, especially considering he had passed previous screenings. His implications and blame are equally ridiculous – there’s no way he could predict when his eyes actually deteriorated or how quickly. His arrogance seems to assume he’s all-knowing, when the field of optometry changes pretty regularly.
Case in point, when I was a child, my optometrist put me in hard contact lenses as soon as humanly possible because it was thought it might improve my astigmatism. Less than 10 years later, I was told that science was disproved. Depending on which optometrist I’ve seen, I’ve heard everything from they’re the worst possible thing for my eyes, to the best option out there, to no big deal but kind of a pain to fit.
It’s taken me nearly 30 years to find an optometrist I trust and I recommend him to everyone I know – and it makes me sad I put up with so many bad ones for years. A good doctor should realize that scolding and instilling fear, particularly in well-intentioned, conscientious people like yourself, is unlikely to improve outcomes. If at all possible, I would consider trying out a new doc at your next appointment.
I agree with everyone. He passed the tests at school, so why would you have cause to take him further. My 12yo got glasses this year because she started the flute and it turns out she couldn’t see the music very well, and then she mentioned the board at school was kinda blurry, but she didn’t think much of it. So..who knows what age she really should have gotten her glasses (for her its just one eye at the moment), but she’s doing fine now and loves her glasses. Definitely find a new doc, you’re doing what you should at the time you know you should, you couldn’t possibly have known any sooner. That’s the whole point of the school screenings..if he passes..he passes..vision is good.
My son is 6.5 and I’ve never had his vision checked and nobody has suggested I should. I also rely on my doctor and school checks to give me the heads up on stuff like that. Agree that the Dr. was an ass.
also, as a sidenote, i totally thought you were messing with me with the snowing background you’ve got going here. I thought for sure it was my eyeballs freaking out or you trying to trick me with your visit test title. Ha!
Yes! Me too! Even though I did this on the last few posts, I forget every time and am confused by the snow. :)
Aren’t conversations like that just an @$$ache? Your son has gotten yearly screenings and functions well enough for you, a tuned-in parent, not to notice squinting/inability to read/whatever. It is silly to assign blame in these circumstances!
OK to find a different optometrist if the relationship isn’t therapeutic anymore.
Your comment section is gold.
I had NO idea that kids eyes could change that rapidly, from the comment section. That is good information to know.
As previously said, that optometrist is an ass, and if you can get a second opinion you should try to. I am not sure I would trust his advice.
Taking my four year old in for an eye test hasn’t even occurred to me, and certainly wouldn’t if she had passed the school screening. I don’t even know if she’s had the school screening.
You are a stellar parent.
I just had the same thing happen! Mine is seven also and has passed all vision tests up til now. The note I got from school said it was 20/70 but the eye dr said it was MUCH worse than that. Maybe it is just a seven year old boy thing. You are not alone!
Mine is -4.25 and I was once told it was 20/2200. At least our kids aren’t so bad as me.
Joining the “Get a different optometrist!” chorus. I am extremely nearsighted (-9.00 in both eyes), and needed glasses at age 7, so I have always been conscious of my kids’ eyesight — quizzing them about how they are seeing in school, whether they’re having headaches, all the red flags. Took them in for annual vision screenings with an optometrist. And yet. At a routine doctor’s physical, my 9-year-old daughter could not read the biggest line on the eye chart. The nurse clucked at me for the rest of the appointment and I wanted to punch her. Our lovely optometrist told us that yes, in fact, vision can and frequently does change that quickly, and the kid has no way of seeing it because they can’t compare it to normal vision until they get glasses. Long story short, she wears glasses, I wear contacts, and we’re fine. Fire that optometrist, posthaste.
Find another doc before you get his glasses.
Don’t feel bad. My brother got glasses at 3 (I was 5). You would think that my mom would have had my eyes checked then too. But for whatever reason she didn’t. I got glasses in 2nd grade when I was squinting at the board. I have -6.25 but corrected with contacts. My husband got glasses at 25 after we married. His mom told him not to wear them as his eyes would get worse. (What?!?!) the poor guy didn’t know that you should be able to see individual leaves on trees. Although I do wonder if I am as pretty as he thought when he married me since he came see now! Ha!
Get a second opinion?!? (Disclaimer: I skipped ALL the other comments, but wanted to quickly pipe in given the distress level!)
My daughters are 7 and 4 and I have never had their vision tested nor would I even think about having their vision tested unless one of them started complaining about not being able to see or headaches or something. Let alone if they’d passed a school vision test or two or three! I definitely do not think you should beat yourself up or feel badly about this! In fact, I think the problem here is clearly that jerky-sounding eye doctor, not you.
Also if you and Henry feel so inclined, can you please post a pic of him in his new glasses? I think kids in glasses are just about the most deliciously adorable things evah.
Wow, what a horrible doctor. It astounds me that medical professionals can ever consider that interpersonal skills are not an essential part of medical care. I am glad your comments section is more reasonable! I hope you get some helpful advice. And I hope he looks dashing in his new glasses!
I am an optometrist has is my husband. He’s one of the foremost authorities in his field of pediatric vision. Everything you were told is really really not true. We are on vacation right now or I would go into more specific details.if you email me I will send you my husband’s website to check out. Once we are home from vacation on Friday my husband would be happy to talk to you on the phone. Put your mind at rest, almost everything you were told is just not true.
You are a good mama and your commenter’s are fantastic.
Last time I was at the eye doctor, I asked the actual eye doctor dude when I should start bringing my children in for regular exams. He said not until “8 or so” unless they failed the yearly exam at school or the pediatrician. So, obviously there is a lot of discrepancy there. And my pediatrician is also obnoxious about early dentist visits but also has never mentioned the eye doctor. He sounds terrible and I probably would’ve cried. Hugs to you swistle. Henry is fine. In 4th grade I had 20/400 vision and had never been to the eye doctor. I Couldn’t see the board and literally knew how my name sounded by chalk strokes on the board. (Apparently I got in trouble a lot?). I thought this was normal! And I’m fine now with 20-20 in both eyes (with contacts of course).
I had the exact same experience at age 8 – got eye tested and couldn’t see anything but the big E. The optometrist said kids’ vision changes quickly. I’m a -8.00 in both eyes now and I can be corrected to 20/20 with glasses or contacts. It wasn’t a big deal then and it isn’t now.
Seconding all of the recommendations to get a new optometrist!
As mothers we do the best we can. We are not perfect. Things will slip through the cracks, be overlooked, taken over by other things. The doctor should not have scolded you. Henry will be ok. Luckily, correction is available for him and the rest of us that need it. Before I got lasik my vision without correction would have made me legally blind.
This comments section is causing excessive eye-watering.
Clearly you need to see an optometrist ;)
Just had to chime in for the second opinion before you get him glasses. Especially if there’s a pediatric ophthalmologist in your area. This guy is a jerk and who knows if he even knows what he’s doing?!?
Also, my daughter who’s 12 wears glasses, and she’s had 3 sets of lenses in a year and a half. Her optometrist says their eyes can change so quickly when they’re young–Henry’s vision may have been good enough at his last vision screening!
No scolding here! I am now 25, and have -3.75 & -4.5 vision. I think the first time my parents brought me in was when i was 9 years old because I thought a movie camera on a tripod was a chicken during a third grade class lecture. (embarrassing!)
My vision was DEEEEFINITELY worse than your sons is when they first got me in, and although it’s gotten a little worse, it definitely doesn’t feel worse, since I have glasses and contacts, etc. In fact, I was thinking aloud to my husband the other day about it and my bad vision really rarely effects my life at all. I know a lot of people who have had surgery to correct their vision and I just don’t care to. Doesn’t seem worth the trouble.
I was a gymnast growing up and played soccer in college and learned to put contacts in almost as soon as I received a prescription (no glasses in gymnastics!). It never bugged me then, and it still doesn’t now.
I guess what I’m saying is, please please please don’t beat yourself up! You’re a good mom! It’s totally ok!
I’m the one who commented before and who is an optometrist. I had to come back to this again because I can’t stop thinking about it. It is so astonishing. Here’s the Thing – it used to be thought prior to about 15 years ago that there were certain refractive conditions namely hyperopia and high astigmatism that, if weren’t caught by age 5 or 6 that vision would not be able to be improved past a certain point. This has been completely refuted in recent (15 years or so) studies. So not only was your eye doctor behind, way behind on his reading but here’s the part that is most flabbergasting – none of the conditions that Henry’s eyes have, as evidenced by his prescription (myopia and mild astigmatism) that you listed are one of those conditions for which it used to be thought that vision could not be improved. So your eye doctor got it wrong on two extremely important levels. Not only is it never considered hopeless anymore (it is never too late to improve amblyopia go to COVD .org) but his conditions were never among those that were considered hopeless . Further it is really not that hard to refract a (relatively compliant) 7 year old to 20/20 and both my husband and I think that your eye doctor was using that brusqueness and blaming for the fact that he just couldn’t refract Henry all that well. I echo those who say you should get a second opinion, and that you should do it before you even get Henry’s glasses. Letting it go for a few more days or even weeks will not hurt his eyes in any permanent way.
This is such a helpful and kind comment. Thanks for coming back to explain it all so well! Swistle’s commenters are the best!
This is so great, Kathy! I love Swistle’s commenters. The response to this post is making ME teary.
I didn’t read alllll the comments, because yo. Your are fancy and people love to talk to you. And! I am also not a medical professional. But! I am calling big stinking pile o’bullshit on Mr. DoctorFace. I do not think this was preventable. 75% of my kids never had an eye exam. This guy is a jerk and wee Henry will be just fiiiiine.
What an awful doctor. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Very glad to see all the good counsel here.
I didn’t read all the comments, but I *did* bring my kid to the eye dr at age 5 & exactly 1 year later at age 6, his vision was as bad as mine…so it really can change quickly & that dr was pretty much an ass.
I’m glad you do have such a helpful and kind comment section–because that doctor’s lack of bedside manner likely kicked what was left of your holiday spirit to the curb. Geesh.
Brownie Time, Swistle! ♥
The school required an eye exam for my daughter last year at five years old. The doctor rolled her eyes when we discussed it, saying unless there is bumping into things and/or headaches and such she felt it was too early. The next required exam isn’t until 7 years. So there ya go….
My baby is too little to go yet, but I’m 29 and don’t recall ever visiting an optometrist. I thought they were an as needed sort of thing, not routine care. Maybe my baby does need glasses. How can they tell when a baby needs glasses?
So many great comments above! I don’t have any new info, but I wanted to add my two cents.
The optometrist, UGH. I would personally want to find a new one.
I needed glasses fairly suddenly in 4th or 5th grade. It was fine! I’m still fine in my glasses! My partner has needed glasses from a very early age, needs coke bottle lenses still, and it’s fine! He’s fine with his glasses! LASIK is there for the future for Henry (or for me or for my partner), or maybe a new different procedure that’s even better!
About LASIK: My dad had TRULY AWFUL vision, and LASIK corrected his vision to 20/15. Now, 15 years later or so, it’s more like 20/20, boohoo, and he needs reading glasses or to hold the phone or whatever at a very specific distance (he’s late 50s).
Everything will be fine!! Internet hugs.
meh whatever–I took mine in early and they HAD NO WAY TO TEST THEM. Their tests were all reading letters which my kids had no clue about. I was chastised for wasting their time and testing my kids.
Yeah, Dr Doucheface should have studied harder so he could be an ophthalmologist — an actual MD — instead of a glorified frame-fitter.
Find someone else, then call and say you wanted your kid to see an real physician. Someone who understands eye development.
My older daughter started wearing glasses at nine after failing the school’s exam, but the ophthalmologist told her to only wear her glasses initially when she needed to. For a kid, that mean basically only at school looking at the board. Within a few years, she needed them all the time, and had to get new prescriptions nearly every year until she hit 20-21. Her eye doctor told her that it’s common to have eyes that get worse and worse until the end of puberty, and that they should be more stable from now on. She has astigmatism too, if that matters.
Also, was it an optometrist or an ophthalmologist? Because she had been seeing an ophthalmologist because of a harmless cyst in her eye, and when she was away and needed a prescription update recently, the optometrist she went to DIDN’T NOTICE THE CYST. So I get the sense that optometrists may know more about glasses, prescriptions, etc. than about other aspects of eye health? I don’t fully understand the distinction (MD vs OD), but maybe a trip to an ophthalmologist is in order if the vision changed really quickly?
I am not sure: I was THINKING ophthalmologist when I wrote the post, because he’s called Dr., but then I edited it to optometrist because that seemed more likely: he’s in a department-store vision center, and he has degree-looking things covering the walls, but I remembered that the one time I was referred to an ophthalmologist, he was a specialist and I had to see him like a specialist: he didn’t do anything with glasses.
I agree- New eye doc immediately!
Also (just to lighten up the mood)- Are there dots floating around this website or is my vision messed up?
Ha ha! It’s festive SNOW! (It’ll disappear automatically January 4th, but I might take it off sooner: it’s so cute, but it makes me feel like I’m getting a migraine!)
I love how you were cautioning everyone against scolding you and all the comments are like THIS GUY IS GOING DOWN, WHERE IS MY TORCH. You are well loved around here.
I second the second opinion consensus. I’ve hopped around to different eye doctors, and it is astounding how different their opinions can be after examining the same kid. My son had serious vision problems (his was a convergence disorder, which has to do more with muscle training and is not correctable by glasses.) However, when he first started having trouble, we took him to an optometrist, who prescribed glasses, and when the glasses came in (after we had paid for them), they didn’t solve the problem. We took him to to an opthamologist, I think…he has a D.O after his name…and we loved him. He was more conservative, and told us that kids’ eyes can get stronger if given a chance, so for several visits did not recommend glasses for my youngest, even though she was having some trouble. Later on, we switched doctors and she did get glasses, but then after a few months with the glasses, she is having trouble again. So my point is who the heck can get ahead of this vision stuff for all these kids? Not me. You’re doing your best, and your best is fine.
Also, two days ago, the snow was festive and charming, and now I feel like my vision is failing. The power of suggestion!
Oh Swistle, I’m so sorry you feel bad. Shame on the optometrist for making you feel bad! In any case, I was in 4th grade when it was discovered that I had really bad vision and in fact was (am) nearly blind in one eye. I know it made my mom feel terrible, but it hasn’t hurt my life in the slightest and who knows if it would’ve been different had my poor vision been discovered earlier. All that to say–don’t be so hard on yourself, he will be FINE!
My oldest is 9, I took him at 7 for an eye exam because that is when I and my husband both started wearing glasses, and lo and behold he needed glasses. His vision was the same at last year’s screening, but I noticed in the last few months that he could never seem to find anything that was right in front of him, and he fell down a lot. I took him in this year and he couldn’t see the chart. His vision went from 20/50 to 20/300 in less than a year. Even with glasses his vision is about 20/30 now, and my vision is the same way. Your optometrist just sounds like an unpleasant person. Don’t be hard on yourself.
You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. If he was passing the school screenings, you had no reason to think anything could be wrong! The ophthalmologist is a jerk for suggesting otherwise. Plus, how can he even know for sure that things could have been different? Maybe Henry had a growth spurt and his eyes changed quickly. He’s a doctor, not an oracle.
My vision is -6.75 and -6.50 and when I asked what my 20/whatever score was, my doc said “it’s not even on the charts”. My vision is no longer correctable to 20/20 — I’m not sure what it is (maybe 20/40? maybe a little worse than that?) but I get along just fine. It’s almost never noticeably different than anyone else’s. If anything it might even help him in school — you can use this as a reason to request that his desk is placed closer to the front of the class than the back. It’s easier to pay attention when you’re in the front.
Hank recently wrote a blog post on tumblr about how he thinks that because he had glasses, it was assumed he would be smart, so he worked hard to fulfill those expectations. He says he’ll never give them up by having lasik because he credits his poor vision with higher standards being set for him as he grew up.
I remember that choosing my first pair of glasses when I was 8 was a fun and special thing that I did with my mom, too. So was the day I got them.
How could you know? Are we supposed to take them in automatically? Wtf! No one told me that! No scolding. Just sympathy. And also, in fifteen years, LASIK will be advanced enough to fix everything. And he will be fine either way. And that doctor is a jerk.
Even with a father who had terrible vision and an older sister who had terrible vision and was already wearing glasses by the time I was born, I still didn’t end up with glasses until 2nd or 3rd grade because that’s when the problem finally became noticeable to my teachers. No one, to my knowledge, gave my mom any crap about it. My prescription is -7, -7.5, so pretty bad (it didn’t stabilize until I was in my early 20s), and I see great now with contact lenses. I find it the idea that Henry won’t be seeing 20/20 with corrective lenses highly suspect.
You have some really great comments in this thread, so all I’ll add is: nearsightedness, even very bad near-sightedness, is a SOLVABLE problem, and therefore a good one to know about in the great scheme of things. I started wearing glasses at age 8, but like you, my parents were told that I should have started wearing them much earlier to restore my vision, and consequently, they (particularly my mom) freaked out. This is turn freaked ME out, for years and years and years, and it now, with 30+ years of hindsight, I can say that this fretting on all of our behalf was POINTLESS. Glasses are a miracle, and your boy will be so happy when he gets the pair that lets him see the world clearly for the first time. Dooce had a recent entry on this topic which was awesome: http://dooce.com/2014/11/06/matters-of-the-eyes/
At age 25, my prescription stabilized to a -9.0, -9.5, which is BAD. I have only met one person with worse eyesight than me in my whole life, but please trust me — it was nowhere close to the end of the world. In my life, I have excelled academically, I played sports in school, and other than not being a great candidate for the military or the astronaut program, I haven’t missed out on one single opportunity in life because of my bad vision. In fact, I’m so little bothered by my eyesight that I have not even considered LASIK.
Things are going to be FINE, I promise!
Wait, huh? I come from a family that mostly has good vision (as in, I am annoyed that now in my mid-40s I need reading glasses), but — since when are we supposed to take kids to eye doctors (absent symptoms/recommendations)? I take mine to his pediatrician for a checkup once a year and she checks his eyes, that’s it (and she has NEVER recommended anything further in that department). So — huh?
Also I love your other commenters. What a great bunch.
Can you imagine posting this guy’s information? The nicest ladies on the internets would eat him for breakfast. And then lunch. Shame on him. I can’t even use the words I’d like to describe him on your website. Wouldn’t it be delicious to print these comments, deliver them to him, and say: “Well the internets say you’re an ignorant poo face!”
The eye doctor is full of nonsense.
Henry very easily could have passed his school exam and had a sudden problem. I remember getting an eye exam at the beginning of summer after 3rd grade. By Halloween of 4th grade (4ish months later) I remember weeping in class bc I could make out nothing on the board very suddenly. My parents were super pleased to have to buy new lenses within an insurance plan year but there was over a point difference! That doctor very kindly said that of I was prone to sudden rapid growth spurts, that can happen with eyeballs too. Sudden, rapid vision decrease.
You did everything right! No one brings their kid to the optometrist unless they fail a vision screening! Btw, that optometrist was awful, just awful for scolding you. You did right by Henry. Maybe his eyes just changed suddenly – that is not unheard of and the optometrist should have told you that.
Do not feel bad: My Dad and Stepmother just had my brother’s vision tested this past year and learned that he is legally blind in one eye. He has, like 10% vision in that eye – just enough for depth perception but not much else.
MY BROTHER IS 24!!!
I don’t have time to read through the comments (though I most certainly will make time later) but I am just so miffed by your experience that I had to add my two cents. WHAT. That guy is a jerk. I passed all my school exams through seventh grade and was quite proud of my sight. It was a very sudden thing when I couldn’t see the blackboard and asked to borrow my friend’s glasses. The board looked exactly as I thought it should–clear and easily readable. I told my mom and off we went to the optometrist. Again, I had passed ALL screenings and would’ve certainly passed them in the optometrist office as well. It was pretty sudden that I noticed I couldn’t see very well. If Henry passed all his screenings, you had no part in any of this ridiculousness.
I passed all the vision tests in school and even got my driver’s license without needing them. After I had a car accident right before my 18th birthday I realized things were not clear when I was driving or when I looked at the chalkboard in class. I knew where things were and knew what signs looked like, but had never really seen them clearly until I got my glasses. The world was an entirely different place!
Even as adults our eyes can change suddenly. When I was pregnant with my second, I started getting horrible headaches and when it was ruled out that I didn’t have blood pressure problems, my OB suggested I go to the optometrist. I had just seen him right before I had gotten pregnant, but the pregnancy changed my prescription. New contacts and poof, headaches went away!
Can you imagine what your life would be like if you were the “sort of person” who took your child in to the optometrist for checks even though he passed his screenings? You would be having your kids unnecessarily tested for all sorts of unlikely problems, wasting enormous quantities of time and money, causing undue stress to everyone in the process, maybe giving your kids anxiety along the way. The whole point of living in a community is that we don’t have to be self-sufficient, we don’t have to be experts in everything- we can rely on others. You relied on school eye screenings – like you are supposed to. What would be the point of them if every kid went and got an eye test regardless? The optometrist sounds like a mean-spirited jerk.
I got glasses when I was 18 or 19 years old. When I got glasses I was AMAZED to find out that things had visible edges like leaves, etc…I literally had NO idea that tail lights were square, traffic lights were round, etc… and I passed the vision test to get a driver’s license. Henry was probably unaware that he saw things differently than anyone else.
My five-year-old went through a whole t-ball season where we couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just CATCH and HIT the ball before we took him to the eye doctor, who said he was basically blind. Seriously. Something like +9.00 in the left and +8.75 in the right. He will always, always, always wear glasses. The big thick kind that magnify his eyes.
Parenting fail.
Oh, and when he put on the glasses for the first time, he said, “Wow! Everything is rainbows!”
Late piping in here, but I just had to comment. My husband’s parents found out he needed glasses because he punched a hole in an eraser and used that to look through the board. He has poor vision without glasses, but with glasses he sees fine. His only issue is he tends to scratch his glasses and then his vision is blurry (ha ha), but it didn’t ruin his life that he didn’t get glasses until 3rd or 4th grade! My sister was the same and my father always felt bad that the first thing she said when she put on her new glasses was, “Daddy what’s that?” It was an airplane that she had never seen before. But it didn’t make them bad parents, how the heck were they supposed to know?
Im kind going through the same thing.. my daughter was just tested at school last week and they sent home a referral to her pediatrician…. the letter said my 9yo daughters vision is 20/70 in both eyes…so I am freaking out a bit because her eyes have always been great… I scheduLed a appointenment with her Dr. But as a parent I am still worried. I don’t understand how her vision can get so bad so quick… I asked her if she can see object clearly she said yes.. but when she sees words from far away they look blurry… so as a parent I am freaking out right now.. thinking of the worst case scenerios…
If your daughter can see things that are close up clearly (reading a book for example) then she is nearsighted (myopic) and it can (and sometimes does) get worse fairly quickly. Has she gone through a growth spurt lately? Myopia can increase with her growth. This doesn’t imply anything worse, just that her eyes are nearsighted and have gotten, and probably will continue to get more nearsighted. There are really no worst case scenarios here. Don’t freak out, she’ll need glasses and they will probably have to be strengthened every 6-12 mos until she stops growing. Take it from an Optometrist, she’ll look really cute in her glasses!
She is about to start puberty…. is there any chance it gets better?…. I read all this stuff on the internet and hear words like eye cancer, glaucoma, Retna disease… my biggest concern is that she does not go blind because of this….
There is not much chance that it will get better but the good news is, it is extremely unlikely that it is any of those other things that you mentioned or any form of eye disease. Like I said, if she can see things clearly up close, then it is almost certainly garden variety nearsightedness. If she had an eye disease that was blurring her vision, it would not be blurry only in the distance, it would be blurry at all distances. Start looking at online glasses sites, that will be fun while you wait for your eye appointment.
Thank you for your input… she says the t.v. is clear and everything else… in your professional opinion do u think it will cause he problems of not being able to get her license when it’s that time?… and will she still be able to play soccer because she is on a soccer team and gymnastics
If her vision is in fact 20/70, she will have a notation on her driver’s license that she must wear her glasses when she drives. As far as soccer or gymnastics, she can try each of them with and without her glasses and see which helps her performance the most.
Is it possible that her eye sight is better than 20/70?….i just want to make sure she lives a normal life and will still be able to do the things that she loves…i.e. soccer, gymnastics