I finally finished watching Boyhood. It took me a long time to watch it, because it made me very uncomfortable so I kept shutting it off. Also it’s really long.
There were four types of uncomfortable it made me. I’m listing them partly because I want to talk about it, and partly because these are the types of uncomfortable where some people LOVE them and some people HATE them, so seeing them listed out may help you decide if you want to see the movie, apart from whether I would want to.
1. First type of uncomfortable: It had some escalating scenes of the sort where someone is slipping into addiction / violence / mental illness. I hate that kind of thing so much. I especially hate it when it’s adult behavior from a child’s point of view, and you don’t trust the filmmaker/author not to take things to a very bad place indeed. I don’t find that entertaining AT ALL, and it makes me upset about The World at Large. I would have stopped the movie very soon into it, if I hadn’t been extremely motivated to watch it. But I know lots of people do enjoy this sort of uncomfortable. I know it in part because SO MANY BOOKS AND MOVIES are made along this theme.
2. Second type of uncomfortable: Reality/documentary-type scenes where the awkwardness of human existence is allowed to play out in all its excruciating glory. I sometimes love this and sometimes don’t. I find it makes me feel very self-conscious, and I have to keep reminding myself that when I’m PARTICIPATING in similar kinds of reality, it DOESN’T feel that awkward. It’s WATCHING that’s awkward. And TONS of people like to watch reality/documentary shows.
3. Third type of uncomfortable: Time passes, people get old, children grow up, it all goes so fast, there’s nothing that can stop it, we all think there will be more time than there is, but there’s actually less. Sometimes I love this kind of thing and sometimes I don’t. Mostly I like it, in a “good kind of hurt” way. Or sometimes in a “drink most of a bottle of white wine and cry silently and wide-eyed into a handkerchief while watching it” way.
4. Fourth type of uncomfortable: Children going through child experiences: dealing with a mean kid at school, being in a car with a teenaged driver who’s not paying attention, going to a party their parents would never have let them go to if their parents had known, dealing with a kid who’s making them uncomfortable but they feel trapped, being introduced to risky/mature things by other kids, their parents saying something hurtful, overhearing grown-ups fighting, experimenting with alcohol/cigarettes/sex/drugs, dealing with painfully awkward lectures from clueless adults, having very little control over major aspects of their lives and too much control over others. I don’t like it at all. But again: I know lots of people LOVE this and read young adult fiction ON PURPOSE, so what makes me want to break things and run away is going to be CATNIP to others.
Other remarks:
1. The director cast his daughter as one of the main characters. She looked so absolutely unlike a daughter of Patricia Arquette and Ethan Hawke that I was confused: I thought that must be on purpose for something the plot would do later (surprise, you’re not the father, that kind of thing), but it wasn’t.
2. I was distracted by the names. The mom and dad are named Olivia and Mason. The kids have peers named Barb and Sheena. It isn’t that no one born in 1968 was named Olivia and no one born in 1996 was named Barb (there were in fact 325 Olivias born in 1968 and 667 Barbaras born in 1996)—but man, what a coincidence to have SO MANY atypical-generation names in one movie (for comparison, there were 49,528 Lisas born in 1968, and 25,148 Emilys born in 1996). Hey. Hey. I have thought of the job for me: Character Name Consultant. Yessssssss. The parents are now Kevin and Michelle, and the kids are Kevin Jr. and Samantha, and the kids’ peers are Taylor and Amanda. Or we could keep ONE name oddity, since those DO happen: the kids’ peers can be Barb and Amanda.
3. I think the main (in fact, ONLY) reason I would see or recommend this movie was its gimmick of using the same actors over a 12-year shooting period. That was a really cool idea. If the movie had been made using aging make-up for the parents and different actors for the different ages of the kids, I wouldn’t have had any reason to see it OR recommend it. Without the gimmick, it strikes me as an overly long and not very interesting movie with a lot of uncomfortable parts.
I want to see this, but I have a son who will be going off to college in the fall, and i am afraid it will be an emotional nightmare for me to watch it.
thank you!! I cannot handle the messy normal human flavor of awkwardness, and reckless behavior makes me cringe. I will be passing on this movie!!!!!!
I actually just watched this last night. It also made me uncomfortable in a lot of scenes. I didn’t really care for it. I agree with what you said about using the same actors, and that’s about all I liked. I also have a hard time believing that normal teenage boys are as talkative as Mason, Jr., especially like in the scene where he’s walking with the girl on the bike. I’m not buying it.
My husband said EXACTLY the same thing as your #3 under “other remarks” — that it wouldn’t be a notable movie if not for the “real time” aspect. I partially agree since it wasn’t like WHOA, THIS IS ALL NEW GROUND HERE; it was in large part a quiet and simple film. And personally, I get a bit WEARY of the storyline of a seemingly happy/normal relationship devolving into something horrible and abusive, even though I KNOW that there are, unfortunately, many relationships in which that happens. Like you, I find that uncomfortable to watch, but also it feels like an overused plot device. Relationships can sour in all kinds of ways that don’t involve inhumane treatment, and while those things might be harder to write/portray on screen, I think they’re very worth exploring and make a movie more interesting. All that said, I liked it well enough; I thought the main boy actor did well with the part, and I also liked Ethan Hawke in it — his character surprised me somewhat because I thought he was going to be one way, but he was more nuanced. Oh, and I didn’t think either of the kids looked like they could have come from that particular union.
Totally agree about being pleasantly surprised by Ethan Hawke’s character. I hated him a lot at the beginning, and went through several phases of liking him more and then less, but at least being interested in his arc more than I expected.
This probably falls under the “children going through initiations to adulthood” discomfort, but most of that I didn’t mind NEARLY as much as the sleepover scene where there was the possibility of major gore. I almost had to walk out of the theater for a break right then.
I loved this film. It didn’t make me uncomfortable really at all. But, I am at the beginning of motherhood with a two year old and am expecting a boy, so wanted some boy insight. I DID notice the name thing, and was irritated by it. A big fan of Ethan Hawks since reality bites days so that was cool. I forgave the daughter for not looking like her fam because she was cute and funny. :)
Uncomfortable reason #3 is why I felt punched in the gut when watching “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.
I knew the name Olivia was unusual in my generation but I didn’t realize how unusual. I went to school with one of those 325 Olivias. That feels….coincidental. It’s so great when you bring naming issues into your posts on this blog.
I can take all these kinds of uncomfortable sometimes, but I find that the older I get and the more my kids are actual people who are/will soon be experiencing uncomfortable things I can’t and shouldn’t prevent, the less I am able or willing to subject myself to them for “entertainment.” The only reality TV I have ever been able to stand is the HGTV kind, where I know there’s going to be a snappy new house or design at the end — and even then, I will turn it off in a HOT SECOND if the shopping couple’s squabbles make them seem unhappily married. There is enough in real life to be upset about! UGH.
I’m really commenting because I would LOVE for “naming consultant” to be an actual job, and specifically, your job. I think you could work in more than film – I am often just as irritated in books with lots of characters where the author chooses confusing names WHERE ARE THE EDITORS?!?!? :)
I read somewhere that the actors were allowed to pick their characters names for the movie. Maybe this accounts for the strangeness of the names? Not sure, but it’s interesting!
Oh I loved this movie! I know it’s not for everyone, it does take a long, meandering time to get to where it is sort of going – but I loved it. I think I liked it even more after listening to Ethan Hawke talk about his stepfather growing up and his experiences with his bio Dad – stories which are definitely in the movie. And blended families in general, I thought it highlighted the hard and good bits about blended families and single parenthood.
But then I read a lot of YA books on purpose, ha ha, so I might be the target audience…
I am struggling TREMENDOUSLY with #3 right now, thanks to my children growing up faster than I even thought possible- and I knew they would grow up fast- so I was pretty sure this movie was Not For Me. thanks for confirming.
Both my daughter and I loved this movie! She is 20 and goes to school 6 hours away-and that scene with the mom and Mason, him packing to go to school-made me laugh and cry at the same time! I totally agree with the other commenters about Ethan Hawke’s character-I thought he was going to be one way, and he was so different from what I thought he would be. I didn’t find the movie long at all, I was totally engaged from start to finish.
CHARACTER NAME CONSULTANT. You need to do this.
Haven’t seen it, but your #4 type of uncomfortable – Children going through child experiences – is always exacerbated for me when I think that the ACTOR is also being uncomfortably put into the situations of his character. Esp. risky/mature/drugs stuff. What if the child-actor wasn’t ready for it, or if it causes curiosity in him/her that then RUINS them? Makes me then feel sorry for the child actors and totally distracts me.
I MOSTLY like these types of uncomfortable, but I have to be alone to watch that stuff so that if I start ugly crying I won’t have to choke it back and be so distracted by said choking that I miss important stuff in the movie.
SO glad to see someone else who also only enjoyed the movie for the gimmick. I agree that it was otherwise very long without much happening.
I also experienced a 5th type of uncomfortable, somewhat related to your 4th, which is that I’ve been conditioned to expect risky behavior in fiction to almost always end more tragically than in real life. Seeing a bunch of kids jumping on a trampoline in real life wouldn’t automatically have me running over and telling them to get off before they are horribly injured, but a close up cinematic shot of three kids jumping on a trampoline while a fourth lays at their feet had me cringing and waiting for the worst. A lot of scenes had me cringing and waiting for tragedy (throwing saws at plywood, WTF?) and I think that’s at least partially due to the fact that nothing was happening and I just kept waiting for something to HAPPEN.
I think that “When is something going to happen?” deal is Linklater’s whole thing, and it’s really an acquired taste. An ex showed me Before Sunrise a long time ago, and while I didn’t hate it, I was sort of not getting why he thought it was so amazing. But I’ve watched more and more of that sort of film since – movies that build tension or create a mood or just focus on characters without any major shifts or changes or upsets – and if I know in advance they’re going to be that way, I can really enjoy them. And also, make sure I watch them without my husband, who much prefers movies with Events in them.
That said, I haven’t seen this yet, and probably won’t until I have time without both my husband and children that isn’t devoted to something more important, so hahahaha … never.
And yes, Hollywood needs a character naming consultant in the worst way. Please create this job!
I haven’t seen it yet but I want to, although I can’t stand to see films with children being children, especially teens, and having mean things done to them. When I am watching a movie that scares me, I just think, this is not real, this is not real, but when something in a movie scares me and it IS REAL and happened to me and could/will happen to my children, it makes me want to give up and I don’t find that too entertaining!
My husband is a big Linklater fan & REALLY wants to see this movie, but every time I read about it or see a preview, I’m pretty sure I’d feel exactly the same way about it as you do. Glad to get that confirmation! I’ll tell him to watch it on a business trip sometime & leave me out of it.
I am so glad you did this post, because I happened to watch this movie on Tuesday and when the end credits rolled, I thought, “oh thank God for that!” I think I hit pause and walked away at least a dozen times, had I been in a cinema I would have been constantly checking my watch (how I judge if a film was good or not). I watched it purely for the 12 year gimmick. I cannot STAND Patricia’s wooden acting, the story was slow and in parts, torturous to watch and yet I wanted to watch to see how Sam and Mason Jr aged. Seriously, I should have just google imaged them and saved myself the time lol.