I went to the grocery store today. They had something they have not had since the beginning of the pandemic: OUR REGULAR STORE-BRAND BREAD. We have been buying a different bread this entire time. It was almost eerie to see our old bread again. …Writing that out makes me realize once again that this pandemic has definitely affected our brains in a weird way.

Another thing they haven’t had since the beginning, but had again today: Hillshire Farm Lit’l Beef Franks! It caught my attention because it seemed like an odd thing to be out of.

They had yeast again, in jars, just sitting there! I already bought some, but had a hard time not buying another one anyway.

They had paper towels again! I was relieved to see them. It had been so many weeks.

They had a pretty good supply of vegetarian meat-substitutes.

The chicken looked odd. Normally they put three chicken breasts in a package; this time there were a lot of packages with just two, and in most cases one of them looked a little odd/small/dicey, and there were not many packages.

Still no spritz-bottles of any basic cleaning supply. They had some bleach and they had some bottles of Pine-Sol. The rest of that aisle is just filled with laundry detergent. No sanitizing wipes. The hand sanitizer is still some brand I’ve never seen before, and expensive.

I did not buy toilet paper; I will buy some on my next trip. I had to talk myself through it: “You actually have plenty of toilet paper. You do not need to buy toilet paper.” I regret not buying toilet paper. What if they don’t have it next time?

They were completely out of Diet Mountain Dew: no cans, no bottles. We looked online and found some at a Target about an hour away, and Paul is making the journey to fetch it. (His commute puts it only about half an hour out of his way.) Also he is going to start rationing it, AREN’T YOU, PAUL

I wonder if Ginger Lime Diet Coke is GONE-gone, or just gone because of the pandemic. I miss it. I had one single can left, and I finally drank it.

I have started buying the non-perishable things I will need for Thanksgiving, Just In Case. I bought cans of pumpkin and cans of cranberry sauce, and a package of stuffing mix. I looked for the frozen raspberries we use in a cranberry-raspberry thing I always make, but they did not have any; I put them on the list for next time. This is not the year for going on that last grocery shopping trip before Thanksgiving and finding the store is out of something.

What is your Grocery Store Report?

Two weeks from today is the U.S. presidential election, and also of course the election for many non-presidential offices. If you are in the U.S., I recommend treating today and the coming days as you would have treated March 1, 2020 and THOSE coming days, had you known what was coming soon. Time to get ready to batten down the hatches. I recommend stocking up on the groceries and other supplies you will use ANYWAY, but just get ahead on them. I recommend getting the things you wished back in mid-March that you’d stocked up on: candy! books! pet food/supplies! cake mix! yeast/flour/sugar/rice/soup! vitamins! diet Coke! landscaping materials! ice cream! storage bins! coffee/tea/gin! and sure, let’s make the exhausted toilet paper joke again! I recommend running any errands you MUST run. Refill prescriptions when you can. I HUGELY recommend getting your flu shot. I recommend being ready to do a nice hunkering down. Won’t it be nice if this is all for naught, just a bunch of silly people being overly anxious! (Except it won’t be nice. We got ready for this in 2016 to a lesser degree, and the reason it turned out to be unnecessary is that the current president was elected, and so there was no violence from his supporters, no fighting of the outcome from his opponent.)

I broke my current favorite mug this morning, and it was the stupid cat’s fault, and it was one of those events that could make a person believe in a bratty universe that needles and thwarts us on purpose for the sociopathic fun of it. I had to give up coffee because of GERD/reflux, and I have missed it so much (I am hoping it is a temporary stress thing), and I have switched to herbal tea which is like a 1 on the scale where coffee is a 10, but at least it’s better than a 0, and it’s something hot to drink. Anyway, for coffee I like a smallish mug, but for tea I like a large mug. I had one (1) large mug I use for tea; it held 16 ounces, which is how much tea I like to drink. And I broke it. Because of the stupid cat. Here is a picture of the largest piece, which I used to do an image search (there is no brand on the mug), but to no avail:

And I am a person who has Far Too Many Mugs! So this should be a cause for rejoicing: Yay, I have a rare excuse to shop for a mug! But first of all, I will never find a mug I liked as much as this mug. And secondly, I am not currently shopping at the stores where I would normally look for mugs. So this morning I am looking dismally online for mugs I can have shipped.

Also, when I went to the kitchen to get my tea in its too-small mug, I noticed a college mug that was Too Big and so had been turned into a pencil holder; I measured it and it holds 16 ounces. So I have something to use in the meantime. I notice it is hand-wash only, which is stupid and I will not remember every single time, so eventually it will go through the dishwasher and then what? Will the logo come off? Well, we walk in a vale of tears.

I am trying to buy less on Amazon, but when you want a particular thing and you want a lot of choices and you want it shipped for free, well, sometimes that’s Amazon. Here’s one in a Swistley blue:

(image from Amazon.com)

This one is a little grandmotherly, and I prefer a non-flared lip, but I still like it:

(image from Amazon.com)

This one is funny, but I don’t usually like a straight up and down side, or the shorter proportions, or the color red, and it’s more than I would ever pay for a mug, and it may be starting to occur to you that I am kind of particular about mugs:

(image from Amazon.com)

Too expensive, kind of short, but pretty, and holds 21 ounces which is maybe even better than 16?? Also, I am coming around to the idea of spending more for a mug:

(image from Amazon.com)

I like the overall vibe of this one but, just as I don’t like mugs to have shortish proportions, I don’t like mugs to be too TALL, either:

(image from Amazon.com)

Bees:

(image from Amazon.com)

Oh, okay, I think this is the one:

(image from Amazon.com)

Preferred shape, preferred lip, BEE, $10ish, and also I’m jusssst running out of interest in looking. DONE.

…Well. Or actually. Perhaps I do not want to be reminded of rage and resistance when I am drinking my soothing herbal tea. Perhaps I could get back to coffee sooner if I were not thinking so often of bees. Perhaps the first mug would be better, the soothing blue—or pink, or dark green. Or I like this soothing option from Target:

(image from Target.com)

And it’s only $4 and it can be shipped. But it says it’s a 9.2-ounce mug, and then in the description says it holds 16 ounces. Soooooooo. Is 9.2 ounces the…weight? No, they wouldn’t put it in the title like that. The description also says the mug is 4 inches high by 3.62 inches wide; do any of us remember how to find volume? Okay, I found a volume-calculator thingie, and it says the volume is 41.17, and that just does not help me at all in terms of ounces. But the cat mug above is 4 inches high by 4 inches wide, so I am guessing that Target mug is NOT 16 ounces.

Or this is nice, though 27 ounces may be erring on the side of too many ounces, and also I don’t know if I want to be told to be nice right now, but I do like the colors:

(image from Target.com)

I like this one, but it’s too short and can’t be shipped:

(image from Target.com)

I appreciate this mug‘s attitude:

(image from Target.com)

It’s only 15 ounces, but I feel I could give up ONE ounce of disappointing beverage. I have put it in my online Target cart, and will probably buy it when my order gets to the $35 shipping threshold.

We are entering into what may be a very hard winter in the United States: election, pandemic, etc. And my dear friend Rachel, who many of you know as Doing My Best, made me an afghan that is like medicine: it is so cozy and warm, and so cheerful and bright. The first two pictures are Rachel’s:

Then this is me opening the box and immediately pulling out an armload of satisfyingly heavy warm softness, and being a little pink/weepy about it (it had been a long day, and this was Exactly The Thing):

And here it is on my favorite chair in my personal sunporch room:

And here is the ridiculous fearful cat who NEVER sits on laps, sitting on my lap because I have the afghan on me, a situation that has happened multiple times since then:

And here is what happened: Rachel ended up with double the yarn she needed. And she said this pattern was a very cheery therapeutic one to make, and that she would enjoy making it again. And so between us we devised a plan: the ad fund from the blog would cover the yarn and shipping, and she would make a matching afghan to give away to one of YOU.

We wondered if we should make the giveaway a fundraiser. But we are both aware that this is not a financially good time for many people—and the people who might MOST need an afghan in their lives might be the very ones who absolutely cannot make a donation right now. So here is what we came up with. IF YOU ARE FINANCIALLY ABLE, make a donation to a charity of your choice, as if it were a requirement for entering the giveaway, and comment with the name of the charity. IF YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY ABLE, comment the name of the charity you WOULD be giving to if you were able. DON’T SAY WHETHER YOU DID OR DIDN’T DONATE! Just say the name of the charity. We want the entrants who donated money to be indistinguishable from the entrants who were not able to donate. We also want to get lots of good ideas for charities as we enter into this long dark winter / the season of giving.

The giveaway is limited to U.S. addresses—but if you don’t live in the U.S., you can still enter if you have someone in the U.S. to ship it to. Let’s give a full week to enter, just to make sure; I will try not to forget to choose/announce the winner on Friday, October 23rd. The blanket will then arrive When It Is Ready. It is hard to know how long a big project will take, especially because it is hard to know how much despair there will be, and whether that potential despair will take the form of EXTRA crocheting or LANGUISHING crocheting. The hope, though, is that one day, perhaps when the winner has forgotten about it and/or is having a very long dark day, a box will arrive, and inside will be a satisfyingly heavy warm soft blanket, and it will be Exactly The Thing.

Update: The winner is Bitts!

My sister-in-law and I are in agreement that this Christmas in particular is likely to have a lot of issues with shipping delays, and so even though I am usually someone who likes to wait until after Thanksgiving to do most of my festive shopping, this year I am working on it right now. I have a few things I wanted to see if any of you know anything about.

FIRST. Elizabeth has put on her wish list “Luxury skin-care products, like one of those boxes where you unpack it and there are a bunch of things to try.” I don’t really know where to look for those, and hoped YOU might. And even if you don’t know exactly the format she’s talking about (which sounds like a sampler box?), I hoped you might have recommendations for skin-care products a 15-year-old girl might like to try. Her skin is combination/oily; she is not plagued with acne, but neither has she been spared.

SECOND. Also on Elizabeth’s list is a hair dryer with a diffuser, and I wondered if anyone had any recommendations. Her hair is wavy rather than curly, if that is useful to know.

THIRD. William, I’ve noticed, has tendencies toward being interested in brands/fashion: he bought himself a pair of Vans, and seemed to do it with Intention: that is, my impression is that he saw something online that made him think of himself as a person who would wear Vans, and then ordered some. He also wanted a denim jacket, and got one for his birthday—and again, it seemed to me that he thought to himself “I am someone who would wear a denim jacket.” And he is my only son who wears skinny jeans, and he does that on purpose. And he is careful about his hair: he researches styles and, in The Beforetimes, took photos to the barber to get a specific kind of cut, and uses a hair dryer and styling products; when we went into quarantine, he researched clippers and ordered a particular set, and now cuts his own hair in specific styled ways (usually short on the sides/back and swoopy-stand-up on top, almost like comic-strip hair). And what I was wondering is if this description brings any gift ideas to your mind. I realize this is a tall order. But perhaps one of you has a college-aged boy who wears skinny jeans and Vans and a denim jacket and is careful about his hair and ALSO has/wants something else I might want to buy William for Christmas.

And I think you should feel free to ask your own gift questions in the comments, if you want, and see if other commenters have an answer.

I have finished my course of steroids, and my SIXTY lip oil pens arrived the same day. The dose of steroids started with six pills per day and ended with one per day, and now I am feeling glum and missing the perky feeling I had when I was taking the medicine.

Also, I have a big hive on the back of my neck, so apparently this is not over. Some light research shows that the hive itself is not an indication of impending death, and that some people Just Get Hives, especially in stressful situations SUCH AS WATCHING A VICE-PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE LESS THAN A MONTH BEFORE A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. A trip to an allergist seems warranted but not urgent. In the meantime, I am going to try to pay attention to detergents and foods and whatever else might be contributing.

Yesterday, Swistle on steroids:

• washed two bathroom floors, regretting that she’d ever married or had children

• ordered a set of SIXTY Burt’s Bees lip oil pens

• left a comment on the Facebook post of an older Christian woman (one of Swistle’s role models as a child), telling her that her “Moral and Ethical Choice” presidential candidate was corrupt and that she, Swistle, couldn’t understand how she, the woman, and other women of God, could be supporting him when he consistently and persistently did the opposite of everything Jesus said to do

So perhaps I will not dabble in street drugs. And it might be wise to have Paul as a double-check on actions/decisions for the next four days.

I can partially explain the lip oil pens, and you may be particularly interested in an explanation if you remember my rather meh review of the one I bought awhile back. The thing is, it WASN’T worth $9, but I DID like it. I kept reaching for it, especially when my lips were kind of chapped and I wanted something nice and soothing. It was a little fussy to have to use the silly brush, and it didn’t last long before it needed to be reapplied, but I really liked the FEEL of the oil. And now I’m home all the time so I can use it throughout the day if I want.

So when it ran out, I looked for it online, thinking I could buy one for my Christmas stocking. Also, I was misremembering and thought it had been SIX dollars, which still seemed too high, but more reasonable. I was a little alarmed when I couldn’t find it at Target, and then when I found it on Amazon it looked like it was being sold the way discontinued things are sold: odd prices, various sellers. So then I looked on eBay, which is where I have successfully bought supplies of several discontinued items. I found basically what I’d expect: one listed for $6 with free shipping, another listed for $4 with $2.99 shipping, etc.—until I came upon SIXTY of them for $30 with free shipping. Well. I mean.

At this somewhat more sober moment, I realize I should have scrolled a little further, since there was an option to buy SIX of them for $14, which is approximately five times the price per pen, but is still a very nice price, and is approximately as many pens as I am likely to be able to use before they go bad. But at the time, I did not scroll any further, instead I hit Buy It Now, and now they have shipped and are on their way to me. If we do any sort of care-package thing in the future, YOU MAY BE SURE of getting a lip oil pen or two or ten.

We have been paying our housecleaners not to clean for over six months now, and I feel it’s time to stop. I feel it’s gone from “This Is The Right Thing To Do” to “We’re Making It Weird.” The last time we talked, they said they were back to their full cleaning schedule, so it’s no longer an issue of supporting them during a time when everyone is canceling. I kept sending checks because I thought at any moment we would say “Yes, come back again!,” and I wanted it to be seamless and easy, and I wanted to hold our cleaning time. But now it looks like that isn’t going to happen anytime soon, and so I want to change plans, but I don’t know how to STOP. What do I SAY? I can do it via a piece of paper included with a last check, so it’s not like I have to make a phone call, and that helps. But each time I sit down to write it, I get stuck.

Also there is a bit of a language issue. Last December, on the last time they came to clean before Christmas, I put out their usual check, but also put cash in an envelope for each of them. They never cashed the check, so my fear was that the check was lost/misplaced and they thought the cash was the payment—which would mean it would look like I gave them a seriously skimpy holiday bonus. I made several attempts but was unable to explain this; she kept saying they HAD been paid, and wouldn’t cash the replacement check I sent, and it never got straightened out and I had to give up. I still feel some level of agony over it.

So I need something (1) very simple and clear (2) that I can write on a piece of paper (3) and send with the final check. I want it too to be something that lets me comfortably employ them again after the pandemic is over.

The kids wanted to watch the presidential debate last night, and against my better judgement I tried to watch it too. I made it twenty minutes, and every single minute was a mistake, and now those twenty minutes are in my brain. I feel sick, poisoned. There was nothing good, nothing right, nothing wise, nothing useful, nothing of any value. On one side there was a corrupt old white man-ape and his lion-skin-robed donkey, the pair of them presenting as a single unit, the new false God of the white nationalist evangelical Christian party. [If you have not read the Narnia books in awhile, or ever: that’s a Narnia reference. It occurred to me that for those who didn’t grow up in the white protestant Christian church and steeped in C.S. Lewis, that metaphor might hit…oddly.] On the other side there was the appointed champion of the Democratic party, who will get my vote if I have to walk through fire and glass and virus to do it because he is a decent human being who wants to do right, which puts him in a completely different league than his opponent—but who is nevertheless a disappointing affable chuckling aw-shucks yet-another-old-white man who, with all this time to study and train to handle his opponent’s debate style, still descended within ten minutes to “Shut up” and “I got WAY more votes, WAY more!!”—but at least wasn’t an endless fountain of baffling lies and didn’t call on violent armed white nationalists to stand by, which feels like a very low bar but this is where we are. And even with four years to prepare for this day, there was a moderator (a third old white man, what an odd coincidence) who could not moderate, in part because he wasn’t given the tools needed for moderating someone who refuses to follow debate rules, despite our clear and experience-based foreknowledge that that would be a serious issue.

This is where I am right now: I don’t even want to hear SONGS by men. That is the extent to which I don’t want to hear male views and opinions right now. When I am on my morning walks, I will give a song by a man a brief chance—but such songs pretty much always turn out to be:

• “girl don’t you understand i just want to have sex with u”

• “I am so amazing, I will be legend, in a thousand years they will still be celebrating me because I am the greatest, I laugh mockingly at everyone who said I wouldn’t make it”

I am not here for it, not right now and I think it’s possible NEVER AGAIN.

I am still using the playlist Spotify created from the song Sledgehammer by Fifth Harmony, and MOST of the songs are by women. And also, the songs/singers tend to be rather upbeat and confident, which I am enjoying right now. But I found I was bothered by the songs in which upbeat, confident women plead with presumably mediocre men to consider dating them / staying with them. Then I had a sudden smack of realization: most of these songs do not use pronouns and do not say “boy”/”man.” It is in fact STARTLINGLY HETERONORMATIVE to assume that these upbeat confident women would waste their time on men! THESE SONGS MIGHT BE WRITTEN TO WOMEN!

I recommend listening to songs this way; it really gives a whole new tilt to things. She is not begging some dick in a stupid hat to please please please put down his guitar and/or video game controller and/or “I’m just playing devil’s advocate here” debate and pay attention to her! No! She is instead wooing an interesting, layered, kind, worthwhile WOMAN. Perhaps one who is considering running for office!