Ever since I hit age 18, I’ve been longing for jury duty. I love the whole concept of jury duty—possibly because I’ve never been called and don’t yet realize how little it resembles the movie version. Paul’s been called. My mom’s been called. My dad’s been called.

Guess who got called now?

I’m so cheesed off, because I would LOVE this. I have been WAITING for this. I would wear my cute, long, comfy-but-professional-looking skirt and my serious-looking black shirt. I would bring a book for the long boring waiting, and I would listen attentively during the cases. I would take notes on a little pad of paper. I would think carefully about whether my embarrassing tendency to choke up and cry during moments of any drama, happy or sad, would be a liability if I were made foreperson. I have it ALL PLANNED OUT.

But I don’t see how I can manage it. I’m still nursing, for one thing, and Henry has never taken a bottle—nor, if history repeats the other four children, will he ever be willing to. Nor have I EVER been able to get more than an ounce or two with a pump (I’m sorry, is this way TMI?), even when I was successfully nursing TWINS. Nor do I own a pump anymore anyway.

So I looked into it, thinking I would basically say, “Sorry, I can’t–I’m breastfeeding” before beginning a long, sad winter of looking resentfully at the children during the days I COULD have been on JURY DUTY if I hadn’t had so many CHILDREN. But it turns out that only in four states is breastfeeding considered a legitimate reason to get out of serving jury duty, and my state isn’t one of them. (My state says you should pump.)

Nor does my state consider it valid to say that you don’t have someone to care for your children (their helpful suggestion: “Arrange care”), or that there is no way your husband is going to be able to take four weeks of unpaid leave so his WIFE can serve jury duty–EVEN IF that were remotely affordable, which it is not.

AND, the first week of jury duty is a school vacation week. Can you see me calling around, trying to arrange temporary childcare? “OH HAI. I need three weeks of full-time childcare for three children including a nursing infant who won’t take bottles; plus one week of full-time childcare for five children! But maybe I don’t, if they don’t choose me because they think mothers are too sympathetic to criminals! Stand by just in case, though, okay? And I can pay you $25 per day before we go broke and lose the house!” (slight exaggeration)

I don’t understand how ANYONE affords doing jury duty. The section on financial hardship on the jury duty page says that they totally understand that it’s a significant financial burden–but that it’s one of our country’s most important rights/responsibilities so it is essential to do it anyway. I’d say that’s REALLY EASY TO SAY when you’re getting paid full wages to say it!

This part of the court system is NO GOOD. Most people can’t be away from their jobs for a month, even if finances aren’t an issue. Most people are NEEDED at their jobs; that’s why they get PAID TO BE THERE. Most people need the income from their jobs; that’s why they WORK.

There are two changes that need to be made, in order that the United States citizens can serve duty without unfair hardship to some: (1) there needs to be a daycare service in the courthouse (this also allows nursing mothers to go nurse their babies during breaks), and (2) the pay for serving jury duty needs to be enough to live on—AT LEAST minimum wage.

You should see the form I filled out. Four pages of tidy, printed information about myself and my lack of criminal record, followed by one page of, essentially, “OMG PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ME DO THIS!!!”: scribbled-out sections, arrows with explanations, and a final panicky line at the end that almost goes off the page. Then I SLIT THE ENVELOPE OPEN so I could go back and add more scribbles and miscellaneous freaking out and then tape it closed. Sigh. Maybe they’ll dismiss me for OBVIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS.

Boil some water.

Put in some food. Here: frozen green peas, a pound and a half.

Put in some more food, if desired. Here: a can of chick peas (also called garbanzo beans). These are canned, so they don’t need to be pre-soaked and then cooked for ages. But I did rinse them.

Cook. If cooking legumes, I’ve heard it reduces gassy side-effects if you remove some of the thick foam that accumulates in the middle.

Spoon food into the blender. Or some people use a food processor. See those little chickpea skins? You can pick those out if you feel like it, but I don’t bother. They blend up fine.

If your blender is like mine, it will prefer to be no more than half full. (This photo is actually from AFTER adding the water in the next step, but I thought you’d want to know FIRST about not putting too much food in the blender.)

Add some cold water. This cools off the hot food (duh), and also makes the blending smoother (duh).

First on low speed.

Now on high speed.

Pour into containers. I use 1-cup Ziploc plastic containers, or 1/2-cup containers or ice cube trays if I’m making something fancy/expensive/intense like berries or meats and want smaller portions.

Second half of the food into the blender, and repeat.

Put on lids.

Freeze.

Do the dishes.

Total time: 25 minutes from putting water in pan to drying hands—and during the process there was time to do other things, like doing other dishes while waiting for the food to cook. Yield: 7.5 cups of baby food. Sometimes I’ll get two big pots boiling of different foods, so I can do them one after another through the blender: it adds 5-10 minutes to the process, and doubles the yield.

(Also see: Making Baby Food: Encore!)

Do you want to cross Swistle’s mind again and again throughout the day? Do you want her to think about you and wonder about you as she is baking brownies, bathing children, running errands? Then leave a comment like THIS in her comment section:

Anonymous said…
Hi, Swistle! I’m a loyal reader and I just found out today that I am pregnant again! I haven’t even told my husband yet. I’m just here to torture you and tease you….because soon we will need to discuss baby names for me. Soon. Like in a month when I tell everyone. Mwuu haa ha haaaaa

Let’s say I regularly read US Weekly magazine—I am NOT saying that, but let’s say for the sake of argument I did read an issue. And let’s say I was reading an article about how very, very lucky a female celebrity felt because her husband was so kindly supportive of her goal to be as hot as humanly possible. And let’s say I was perusing her sample daily menu, NOT that I would be interested in what is probably a PACK OF LIES.

And let’s say I came to the part where she says she would normally eat Splenda-sweetened desserts, but can’t because she’s breastfeeding. Would I:

A) Assume that someone who thinks it’s genuinely helpful and supportive when her husband says things such as “Are you sure you should be eating that?” doesn’t know her skinny, well-toned ass from a hole in the ground?

B) Panic and consult Dr. Google?

C) First A, followed by a furtive version of B, followed by feeling really stupid for not sticking confidently with A?

You guys have been so awesome with other readers’ issues, I wonder if I could add a couple more to your caseload? Click through for their posts on the problems.

1) Misty has an etiquette problem: another mom has asked to bring FOUR extra kids to Misty’s child’s birthday party. Misty needs a fast answer on this one, because she has to call the other mom back with an answer soon.

2) Donna has a children’s clothing problem: where to find jeans that will STAY UP on a slim baby?

Cari emailed me on a subject dear to my own heart: worrying about baby development and milestones.

I know that you have mentioned before that your children were a little slow to reach their developmental milestones. My baby is 11 months old and is still not crawling. She rolls over and has excellent direction; and she has just started getting up on her hands and knees and rocking, but no crawling; and for sure no pulling up or standing. She has a few sounds, but no consistent words like mama or dada.

I’m wondering at what point I should start being concerned. (Well, more concerned than the near-constant mommy-worry that we all have.) She has been behind from the start in her gross motor skills, so I’m not extraordinarily surprised that she is where she is, but people are asking about it more often and I don’t really know how to address it. I don’t really feel like I need to address it to randoms who ask; but it is on my mind.

I know that babies develop at their own rates, but I guess I’m looking for reassurance that she really is okay and that others have been in similar situations.

Indeed, my kids have been “late end of normal” in their development. In a group of babies, my baby would be the one lying there like an enormous larva while the other babies skittered all over the floor.

Rob didn’t crawl until he was 12 months old. Elizabeth didn’t walk until she was 17 months old—and if she’d done it 2 days later, I would have had to say 18 months old. At 7.5 months, Henry has rolled over maybe a dozen times and never on purpose. NONE of my kids have been able to say as many words as they’re supposed to be able to say on baby/toddler charts. They are all late, late, late.

I’m sorry, but the only way I can give reassurance here is to bring out some serious bragging. Saying “and they’re turning out fine!” is insufficient: pretty much all parents think their children are brilliant and amazing, and for all you know my kids are drooling their way through school as I look on them fondly and tell you everything’s fine, perfectly fine! So I must say more, but I will keep it brief: on national standardized tests, Rob and William are both coming up as top of the class. Also, I’m pleased to report that both of them can walk AND talk AND roll over.

So when SHOULD you worry? Because I am a chronic worrier (ever since reading Laura Ingalls Wilder books as a child, I’ve been worried that we will be in such a terrible blizzard we will not be able to get back to the house from the barn) (we don’t have a barn, nor have I ever lived anywhere with a barn) (but if we did, I would totally have a guide rope stretching between them), I like to turn over this kind of worrying to my pediatrician. I say to him outright, “I worry about everything. But I’m not going to OFFICIALLY worry until you tell me to worry.” And about three times he’s said, “It’s not time to WORRY, but it’s time to do a little extra investigation,” and we do, and everything is fine. He says that, in general, as long as a child is continuing to make progress along the developmental timeline (even if the progress is slower and/or later than usual), everything is still fine.

I have been annoyed over the years by how SURPRISED people act at what is actually still within the normal range of development. “OH!” they say. “She’s still not WALKING?” And their eyes get darty with surprise and alarm. “What does the DOCTOR say?” Or maybe someone says, “Let’s see, 8 months–he must be crawling all over the place by now!” The prize goes as usual to my mother-in-law, who would ask if the baby was crawling yet, and then tell me AGAIN that children who crawl late tend to have learning disabilities. (Whuh? Even if this were true, why would she say so?)

And how should you deal with this sort of, um, concern? You could try hooking a leg behind the other person’s ankles and giving a sudden sharp shove, as I fantasized doing many a time. Or, you can act surprised right back at them: “Well, no! But she’s only 13 months!” (tone of voice communicates “Do you have a fever or something?”).

For people who have genuine concern rather than the faked concern designed to make you feel bad, you can say that the pediatrician says there’s a wide range of normal, and that he or she says your child is still well within that range. The words “well within” are not only comforting but also pointed: they communicate that not only is the concern unnecessary, it’s a little on the ignorant side. You can look at them pityingly, give a little laugh and say, “Don’t worry! I would tell you if there was anything wrong!” Like THEY’RE the big old worrywarts, while you yourself are laid-back and calm and definitely not lying awake at night fretting about how a larval child like yours will be able sit up at a desk.

Now. Perhaps you could chime in with your reassurances for Cari. Late bloomers who ended up fine or better than fine? (Or, sure, why not: early bloomers who ended up in prison and/or on drugs?)

The “most popular baby names of 2007” baby name list put out by Baby Center is a TOTAL SHAM. It’s based on survey results or whatevs from their readership.

The REAL list, put out by The Social Security Administration and based on birth certificates, will be out in May.

The more you know! *musical ding!*

My mom and I were already planning to go to Target today, but it was SaLy‘s report that the pink-puffy-skirted dresses were at 75% off that really put a fire under us.

The glorious pink-puffy-skirted dress, with a friend:

In fact, I bought TWO pink-puffy-skirted dresses (duplicate in larger size not shown) and a golden-skirted one. Pinks $4.48 each down from $17.99, and golden $4.98 down from $19.99.

I was really hoping to find these Model Magic sets at 75% off (last time they were at 50%), and I DID. William got a bunch of Model Magic from my parents for Christmas, and he has been using it night and day in a careful way that makes me want to buy him his weight in Model Magic—or at least keep him supplied with it. These particular sets are a stupid idea (you just smear Model Magic over plastic structures), but they come with a ton of packets of Model Magic. Even at 50% off they were a good per-ounce deal for the Model Magic; at 75% off, they’re GREAT. I’m just throwing away the plastic structures. $4.98/set, down from $19.99/set.

I didn’t know what I would DO with these cute Amy Coe nesting boxes, so I couldn’t justify buying them until they were 75% off. Each set has three boxes with lids. $3.24/set, down from $12.99/set. Probably I will keep them for a long time and then finally use them as gift boxes.

An assortment of shirts for Elizabeth for next year or maybe the year after, all 75% off. $1.24-$2.48 each, down from $4.99-$9.99 each.

Cute rain boots for Elizabeth. Paul actually takes the children outside to play in the rain, because they enjoy it and he likes doing things they enjoy, whereas I like to do things I enjoy such as staying inside warm and dry with a book and a cookie. $3.74 down from $14.99.

Pack of 2 Carter’s Just One Year sleepers for Henry, $3.74 down from $14.99. It’s too bad they’re “Just One Year,” because it’s Elizabeth who’s really into dinosaurs but these only came in sizes up to 12m.

We also stopped at JC Penney, where I found this coat for Elizabeth for next year. $7.19 down from $49.99, though I have some doubt that anyone would have paid fifty bucks for it. The colors (called “Lily/Icy”) are prettier in person. MUCH prettier. I don’t even LIKE them in the photo. Free photography tips: Use good light! And don’t use a crappy chair as your background!

At the risk of sounding like I think I’m Seinfeld (and what an easy, easy mistake it would be to make!), what is the DEAL with pillar candles? I always think, “Yay, nice big candle!,” but then the flame burns itself down into a deep narrow tunnel and drowns in melted wax. And it doesn’t look pretty doing it, either.

The greenish one is actually BULGING OUT as it burns down.

I suppose I could keep carving off the top of the candle, to give the flame more breathing room. But what a waste of wax!

Paul has the day off from work today. Predictably, I got the kids dressed and fed while he took a shower, because I am ALL EXPLAINED OUT telling him that the bulk of the morning routine has to be done right away. Then he said he was going out on an errand. I still hadn’t showered. The errand DID have to be done pretty early and WOULD benefit the entire family, so I said FINE. After all, I usually manage to take a shower without him home, so although it would be NICE to take a shower without having to constantly think of how much soap would still be on me if I had to leap out and drive naked to the emergency room with an injured child, I COULD do the usual anxious version.

In fact….it occurred to me that if Paul went on an errand, I could go to my computer with my coffee, without having to work steadily to emphasize the fact that I and only I was keeping our household afloat. So he left, and I got my coffee, and then I remembered the labor-intensive but delicious cookies I made last night. There were three left over. I’ll just have THOSE, too.

Two of the cookies were gone. Only the smallest cookie remained. Not only did he make his own care a priority and then take off, he ATE THE COOKIES.