E. writes:

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second (and probably last) child—a boy—in November. We like unusual, distinctive names that are not trendy, and we agonized over our first son’s name, eventually landing on the name Gray. We adore his name but now feel like we used up our one good name that we could both enthusiastically agree on.

Our last name sounds like Harrison, so all of the names that end in son (Jackson, Emerson, etc.) are out. Our surname also has an unusual spelling which can make it hard to pronounce, so we want to keep the first name easy to spell and pronounce.

I think our sweet spot for names would be unsung classics, or unusual new names that still sound like they could be classics, like Gray. We’re Jewish, and we like names of Hebrew origin but couldn’t find one we were happy with the first time around. We also like names that reference nature, and great literary characters or authors.

Names that I like that my husband has vetoed (but could still be in the running as a middle name):
Stanley (family name on my side, so has special meaning to me)
Oscar
Arlo
Asa
Honor
Asher
Elijah

Names we considered and rejected the first time around (read as: couldn’t get past feeling lukewarm about):
Dov
Fable

If we were having a girl, we were almost agreed on the name Flora. We also love the name Alice.

Can you suggest any unusual, distinctive boy names for us?

Thanks!

I suggest Reid—or Reed, if you want to increase the nature feeling of it. Reid Harrison; Gray and Reid. I like how it has four letters and one syllable just like Gray, and both are word names. It’s easy to pronounce, and is similar to Gray/Grey in spelling difficulty.

I also suggest Dean. Dean Harrison; Gray and Dean.

And Nolan. Nolan Harrison; Gray and Nolan.

Kelly writes:

Hi, I would really love some help with this.

I’m in the process of changing my name but I’m feeling a bit stuck and was hoping for some suggestions. My name is currently Kelly and I have a European surname my dad is from Germany.

Kelly has never felt right and most people will say after getting to know me that I don’t look like a Kelly and people tend to forget my name. I was meant to be named something more European but my mother didn’t feel happy with this as she was very anglo so I got called Kelly. My mother abandoned me when I was 9 so I don’t feel any ties to her and her name for me. I have disliked my name for a very long time 20+ years and I feel compelled to finally change it after using the name on non important things for some time and feel that it is the right fit for me.

My middle name is Anne so I’m changing my name to Anna which is a nice version of Anne. I’m telling people that I’m going by my middle name and it feels right and they don’t seem to question me but now I’m stuck as to what to use for a middle name. Does Ann sound strange? I was thinking about using a y name as I like the way that it looks as an initial I will be using my initials a lot with my work. I’m in a creative industry so I feel free to do what ever I I choose without much question but I don’t want to find myself feeling regretful after I change it officially. Like a tattoo that is though to be so interesting now but later on what on earth was I thinking!

My most common reaction from people when I tell them that I’m going by my middle name is ok cool, or great or good on you it suits you but what are you going to use for your middle name? I have thought of Yasmina, Ann, Aquila after a family member but other than that I’m lost. I don’t want to keep the name Kelly at all. I don’t like the letter k very much.

I’m very visual and I like the look of O’s A’s Y’s and W’s. Should I leave the Anne so i’m not changing my name too much or do you think its better to say while you are going through he process give yourself a new middle name as well, why not!

I would really love to hear some suggestions. It’s very different choosing names as an adult that for a child so much easier to sound contrived and get it wrong.

kind regards

Kelly (at the moment)

I’m glad you specified that you didn’t want to keep the Kelly part of the name at all, because my very first thought was to switch the first and middle names: Anna/Anne/Ann Kelly, there, done, let’s go out for doughnuts!

If I were you, I think I would start by having a conversation with your dad. If he would have preferred to name you something more European, he may very well still remember what the contenders were. For adult name changes, I like the idea of choosing something else off the parents’ lists—something that could actually have been the person’s given name if things had gone a little differently. Are there relatives your parents might have wanted to name you after? What Y-names and W-names does your dad like? I think it might feel more like your Real Name if your dad helps choose it.

I would also go to the Social Security Administration’s website (if you are from the United States; if you are from another country, I’d look at that country’s name data), scroll down to the “Popular Names by Birth Year” tab, enter your birth year, and go down the list. Write down any that appeal to you or have meaning for you.

I’m having trouble figuring out if you’re asking if you should keep Ann/Anne as your middle name when you change your first name to Anna: i.e., Anna Ann. If that’s what you’re asking, I do think that seems strange and that something else should be chosen.

My guess is that you’ll be most content with your name change if you feel like there was a reason to choose each name. If the conversation with your dad isn’t possible or doesn’t lead anywhere helpful, I’d look for other significant influences in your life. Do you have any role models in your field—people who began or changed the industry, or whose work inspired you to join it? Any favorite authors or artists or actors or politicians or activists? An aunt or grandmother you were particularly close to? Any women who stepped into your life when your mom stepped out? Any family surnames that would make good middle names? Any names that crop up again and again among the women in your family?

This next suggestion depends on how the rest of your mom’s family has been. If for example they were horrified by your mother’s behavior and have been very active and involved in your life, I might suggest looking for a name from that side of the family, since your surname is from your dad’s side of the family.

When you have some finalists, I’d do the Naming Story Test: because you’re changing it yourself, it feels even more important that the naming story sound right. As you say, it’s easy to end up sounding contrived. Something like “Anna was my middle name, and Jean is my grandmother’s name” works. So does something like “Anna was my middle name, and then I chose Michelle for my Aunt Michelle who did so much for me.” Or “Anna was my middle name, and Weiss is a family name.”

Another option is to have no middle name, or just an initial. It’s not very common, but I’ve encountered it often enough to be familiar with it. It would be a hassle to go through the process twice, but this would also leave things open to put a name in there later if the right one occurred to you.

Without a surname to work with, it’s difficult to offer specific suggestions. But I think even with a surname I’d be at a loss: to make a list, I’d want to talk to your dad, poke around in your family tree, and so on.

S. writes:

My husband and I are extremely excited to be expecting our first baby in about 4 weeks. We feel as prepared as we can be but can’t seem to settle on a name we both like. We got a late start in the family-making business so this could be our first and last baby but we are hopeful for at least one more. I hope that we can come to an agreement on both first and middle names in the coming weeks and I love how helpful your site is to so many people. Hoping you can help us too!

We know it is a boy and his last name will be Ilic (pronounced ee-litch). The last name is of Croatian decent. My husband is passionate about honoring his Croatian heritage.

I am passionate about boys name from the South such as Wyatt, Jackson, Macallister. Although my husband is absolutely against the names Wyatt and Jackson.

The first name that is getting the most discussion these days is Milan, pronounced Me-lan. This is a Croatian name that is relatively easy to pronounce and spell compared to the other options. And, it is an improvement from his original suggestion so maybe this is where we will have compromise.

We are open to more first name suggestions if you have them but are really needing your help in the middle name category. It seems like names with 3 to 4 syllables sound best with the first name Milan but that has led to a pretty narrow field of choices. Are we overlooking some good shorter names?

Middle names being considered thus far are:

Macallister
Alexander
Aleksander

We are having a hard time coming up with much else especially with other Southern or Southern-like names that work well. We think that Milan Alexander Ilic sounds the most fluid but it is probably the name that I am least passionate about. I really like the name Macallister but am wondering if it is odd to have the two names starting with M, Milan Macallister Ilic. It is possible that we would end up using a nickname and I like Mac or Alek for that. The nickname is not a requirement though.

As you can see, our choices are few right now (as is our time is short!) so your help in expanding our choices or helping us decide between the options we have would be greatly appreciated.

What I notice first is that the child’s surname will ALREADY honor his Croatian heritage. Having the first name ALSO honor the Croatian heritage seems imbalanced, unless both sides of the family have a Croatian background.

From your letter I’m not sure how you feel about things. Maybe the strength of your husband’s preferences is making it seem as if he ought to get his way even though it’s not what you want. It sounds to me as if you both feel like you’re compromising, and yet all the compromising is done from the starting point of what your husband wants (“It has to be Croatian”), rather than starting with what you both want. I could be reading this completely wrong: perhaps a Croatian name is also one of your own preferences. It sounds, though, as if Milan Ilic is the child’s very Croatian name, and your own passionate preferences have been pushed into the almost invisible middle name spot.

If it has been agreed between the two of you that the child’s first AND last name will honor his father’s family and preferences, I would definitely push for the middle name being almost completely your choice. If you are passionate about Southern names, then I would suggest choosing one of those (after removing the ones your husband most dislikes). Milan Macallister Ilic seems like a great choice. I don’t see any issue with two names starting with the same letter, and in fact in this case I really like the sound of it.

I would also think ahead to potential sibling names. If you choose a Croatian name for your first child and you do have a second child, will the second child also have to have a Croatian first name for the sibling names to sound right to you? If so, even though time is short, I might advise re-thinking this whole idea. My own preference, if this were happening with my own husband, would be to use a Croatian middle name and a non-Croatian first name. This feels more balanced to me (though still quite weighted toward what your husband wants): a first name from a category both parents like; a strongly Croatian middle name and surname to meet your husband’s preferences. This would also allow for a much wider range of Croatian names; perhaps your husband could have one of the ones he likes best (after removing the ones you most dislike), rather than settling for an easier-to-spell/pronounce choice.

Kristina writes:

Hello Swistle!
Though I am not expecting, I follow your blog religiously and am known to say things like “Well Swistle says…” when talking to friends about baby names. My boyfriend and I have been talking about future baby names and we don’t agree on almost anything. During a discussion, the name Annabelle came up and he actually liked it! This coming from a man who suggested Linda, and followed up with “What’s wrong with Linda?”*

Annabelle was the name of my dog we had for 15 years from when I was 1 to 16. We called her Annie and I loved her. But, because we had her for so long, my family and many of my friends know we had a dog named Annabelle. Would it be too much to use for a baby? Have any of your readers named a Max or Charlie or Daisy after having a childhood pet of the same name?

Thank you for your thoughts!
Kristina

*What IS the deal with Linda? It seems like it should work, has the LIN of many popular names and the -a ending of Emma and Amelia and Sophia, but no one uses it!

Let’s start with what the deal is with Linda. I’d say the primary deal is that it was in the Top 10 from 1940 until 1965 (it’s famous for being the name that finally booted the name Mary from its long-held #1 spot), so it’s a Mom Name or a Grandma Name now. It’s very likely to come back into style, but not yet; I’d look for it among your grandchildren or great-grandchildren.

A secondary issue is that although it ends in -a, what it really ends in is -da. The -da ending is not currently in style: Melinda, Miranda, Belinda, Ida, Wanda, Lucinda, Brenda, Amanda, Freda, Glenda, Hilda, Rhonda, Rhoda—all names to look for again in the future, but not popular right this minute. The only ones I can think of that would be fashionable for current babies are Matilda and Ada. Matilda is a bit of a style outlier: fashionable in part because it’s not fashionable; Ada is likely piggybacking on the popularity of Ava.

And although the name Linda has the Lin- sound, it has it at the beginning of the name, when the current fashion is more likely to have it at the end.

I think it would be fine to use a childhood pet’s name. Pets, I’ve noticed, often get the names that are just about to come into style: the ones that still seem a little too out-there to actually use for a baby, but in about ten or fifteen years will be THE hit names. (Plus, many people acquire animals before they have children, and use their favorite names without thinking ahead.) I named cats George and Oliver, names I thought were safe because I wouldn’t ever want to use them on a baby—until about fifteen years later, when I was agonizing to Paul about how we just COULDN’T use those names…could we? We decided no, not while the cats were still on this mortal coil. But it was mostly because Paul said his mother would never let us hear the end of it. “She’ll say, ‘The boy who was named after a cat, har har!,’ and she’ll keep saying it,” said Paul convincingly. If it hadn’t been for that, we might have gone ahead: the cats’ time with us was bound to be shortish at that point, and I didn’t think anyone else would give us any trouble about it.

But if we’d wanted to use the names of our childhood cats (well, the names of MY childhood cats: Paul’s cats were named Licorice and Butterscotch and you will NEVER GUESS what colors they were, oh wait you will guess instantly), we definitely would have gone ahead with that. For one thing, at this point I find I don’t really remember the names of my friends’ childhood pets; my guess is that most other people aren’t keeping that information on file either, or even remembering the names of our CURRENT pets. But if I imagine one of my friends using the name of a pet for a child, I can’t picture myself having much of a reaction to it: mild interest, followed by forgetting about it. If I used such a name, I’d be prepared for a brief startled reaction (“Like Annie!!”) and perhaps a brief conversation on the interesting topic, but that’s it. I would think ahead of time of some Things To Say, such as “I know! But we loved the name, and of course Annie just made me love the name even more.” It helps in this case that you called her Annie: perhaps many people will remember her that way, and not even make the connection with the name Annabelle.

I too would be interested to know if anyone here has in fact named a child the same name as a childhood pet. I’d like to hear the stories: if you struggled with the idea of using a former (or current) pet’s name; what the reactions were and how quickly that stopped; etc.

Lauren writes:

When my husband and I became pregnant with our first baby in December, I became an avid fan of your baby naming blog. Now as we get closer to the due date, the pressure is on to come up with a name. I would love to hear your thoughts (or the thoughts of your readers!) to help guide us. Our last name is Steffel (pronounced st-eh-ful), and our first baby (a girl!) is due at the end of August. We hope to have a second child someday, but haven’t given much thought to possible sibling names as of yet.

I thought we had narrowed down the names to two: Juniper Maribel Steffel or Wilder Iris Steffel, but now my husband is getting cold feet about both, and asking that we go back to the drawing board. Juniper has such fun nicknames (Junie, June Bug), and Maribel was the county my husband and I were married in. Wilder seems uncommon enough that you don’t immediately associate it with a boy’s name, and I think the feminine-sounding Iris ensures this. We both don’t mind the wild connotation.

We want a name that sounds a bit out of the ordinary, and tend to like names that are nature-inspired (although not a requirement). My husband and I are both teachers, so having an unusual name makes it less likely that either of us already has had a student that it reminds us of. I want our baby to have a fun nickname, so I have ruled many names out that I can’t figure out a nickname for (or are too short for a nickname). That might be short-sighted on my part, though. Besides Wilder, we’ve mostly stayed away from gender-neutral names.

Here are some names that we considered:

Gemma (this was originally my top contender, but my husband doesn’t like it)
Orianna “Ori”
Emmeline
Adelaide
Genivieve
Elodie
Kestrel
Nicoletta
Wren (I love the nickname Birdie, as does my husband, but the single-syllable seems short for a first name)
Sloane (I’m a big fan of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but Sloane Steffel is tongue twister)
Clara (this is my grandma’s name, but it doesn’t feel right as a first name for the baby)
Elm / Fern / Reed (all fun but too short for a first name, in my opinion)
Nella
Winnie (I think it’s adorable, but my husband hates it!)

Boy names we had considered before we knew we were having a girl included Waites (if only our last name didn’t begin with an S), Cypress/Cyrus (again, an issue with the S?), Jude, Jasper, Zander, Wyatt (but maybe getting too popular now?) and of course Wilder. Our pattern seems to be mostly being drawn to first names that begin with J/G and W.

Please help us!

You have probably already considered this, but my first thought was to do something with the middle names of your previous candidates. Maribel Iris, for example, or Iris Maribel. Still unusual, but less of a statement than Wilder. Maribel Steffel has a repeated ending and Iris Steffel has an -s/S- issue, but neither issue seems like a deal-breaker. In fact, I’m surprised to find I like the sound of Maribel Steffel—I think because I’m saying the two -el sounds differently, and because of the 3/2-syllables (I wouldn’t like Laurel Steffel as much).

Or, if you love the nicknames Junie and June-Bug, I wonder if you could go straight to June? June Steffel is an excellent name, quite uncommon but not scary to use. June Maribel Steffel would be my top pick: a name with great nicknames, followed by a middle name with sentimental significance.

The nickname issue is an interesting one. If you want nicknames, that seems like a reasonable thing to put on the preference list. But if you’re eliminating names that would otherwise be perfect, and if you’re now a bit stuck, that seems like a good place to start reconsidering. Nicknames can come from many sources other than the given name. I’m thinking over my kids’ names, and only one has a nickname of the sort that could be listed in a baby name book alongside the name. The other nicknames are hard to explain because they just sort of evolved/happened. One kid has a name something like Keegan and then is nicknamed something like Zee and Zee-Bee. Another kid has a name something like Caleb but is nicknamed something like T.C. Another kid has a name something like James but is nicknamed something like Badger. And names like Junebug and Birdie can be nicknames for ANY name.

To go back to the -s/S- issue, I think it depends. I recently talked to a customer service representative named William Meyer, and as I was reflecting afterward on what a good impression that name made (professional, competent), I realized it had an -m/M- issue. In actual usage, it wasn’t a problem at all. It’s hard to tell ahead of time which combinations of sounds will be problems, but in general I look for two things:

1. Do the combined sounds make the name challenging to say? That is, do you find yourself tangling the names, or swapping the sounds, or not liking the way the name makes your mouth feel?

2. Do the combined sounds cause confusion or embarrassment? That is, would it be easy to misunderstand the name for another name or another word? I find it hard to think of examples for this, but something like how Paul Amato might sound like Paula Mato. Or Jacob Utmund can sound like Jacob Buttmund. Or the classic example is poor Ben Dover who sounds like Bend Over.

Iris Steffel definitely makes me put a little pause between the two names, and it makes my mouth a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t cause any confusion or embarrassment. It’s the same when I try Cyrus Steffel. They wouldn’t be my first choice, but I wouldn’t find it strange if someone else chose them. Waites Steffel is harder for me, I think because it’s not just the -s/S but also a -ts/St-; also, the one-syllable first names seem to give me more of a challenge than the two-syllable options. (And with that particular example, the word “waitstaff” comes to mind. Perhaps it wouldn’t for people who hadn’t worked as waiters, however. And it’s not like there’s any good teasing potential there.)

A few W names to consider:

Waverly
Wilhelmina/Willemina
Willa
Willow
Winifred (probably not an option if your husband hates Winnie)

Of these my favorite is Willa: it’s unusual but not startlingly so, and I find I immediately start nicknaming it: Willobean, Willow Tree, Willabug, etc.

A few options that don’t start with W but have a W in them:

Arwen
Bronwyn/Bronwen
Gwendolyn
Harlow
Marlowe
Meadow
Rowan

I especially like Rowan for its nature tie-in. Rowan Maribel Steffel.

Fiona comes to mind. Fiona Maribel Steffel.

Melanie writes:

I really need help with a sibling name to go with our son Maxwell Christopher.

Need both boy and girls names

Our last name is graves

I feel that as maxwell is always shortened down to max and my name melanie is always mel and my husband Christopher is always chris the new arrival should follow the same.

I would love the middle name for a girl to be Tegan and I don’t know about the boy.

Thanks for your help

Because you have two M names in the family, it would be fun if this new baby could be a second C name. I don’t generally try to coordinate children’s names with parents’ names, but it can be a fun exercise when it’s hard to know where to start. So here are some C names that might work:

Caitlin/Caitlyn (Cait)
Calla (Cal)
Callie (Cal)
Camilla (Cam)
Camille (Cam)
Campbell (Cam)
Camryn (Cam, Bell)
Cassandra (Cass)
Cassidy (Cass)
Clara (Clare)
Clarissa (Clare)
Colette (Cole)

Caden (Cade)
Callum (Cal)
Calvin (Cal)
Camden (Cam)
Cameron (Cam)
Cason (Case)
Charles (Chaz)
Colby (Cole)
Coleman (Cole)
Colton (Cole, Colt)
Cooper (Coop)

If the C name idea doesn’t appeal, here are some more possibilities to consider:

Annabel (Ann, Belle)
Aubrey (Bree)
Brianna (Bree)
Brinley (Brin)
Delaney (Del, Lane)
Eleanor (Elle, Nell)
Elena (Elle)
Elizabeth (Bess)
Ella (Elle)
Emerson (Em)
Emilia (Em)
Emmeline (Em)
Eva (Eve)
Finley (Finn)
Gabriella (Bree)
Isabel (Belle)
Jaden (Jade)
Josephine (Jo)
Julia (Jules)
Katherine (Kate, Kay)
Kailey (Kay)
Olivia (Liv)
Penelope (Nell)
Rebecca (Bec, Bex)
Sabrina (Bree)
Samantha (Sam)
Skylar (Sky)
Tessa (Tess)
Vivian (Viv)

Alexander (Xan)
Bennett (Ben)
Henry (Hank)
Isaac (Ike, Zac)
Jacob (Jake)
Jayden (Jay)
Joseph (Joe)
Kyler (Ky)
Lucas (Luke)
Nathan (Nate)
Nicholas (Nick, Cole)
Samuel (Sam)
Theodore (Ted)
Wesley (Wes)
William (Will)
Wilson (Will)
Zachary (Zac/Zack/Zach)

Update (and photo!) on Baby Boy McBride!
Update (and photo!) on Baby Girl or Boy Reinitz, Sibling to Simeon Dax!

Update on Baby Twin Girls Cutler-with-a-B, Sisters to Eleanor (Nora)!
Update on Baby Boy Bowing, Brother to Truely Mae!