Author Archives: Swistle

Gift Ideas Day Two

I am rested (LIE: like many perimenopausal women, I wake up at, say, 4:00 a.m., then lie awake until half an hour before my alarm goes off at 6:30/7:00); I have taken my vitamins (true); and I am ready to get back to gift ideas (true).

This first item is not gift-related—but I wanted to tell you that Amaz0n has Kraft Mac individual 4-packs for $2.34 right now, well under half-price. In their favor: they can be microwaved, and they’re formulated to be made with just water (i.e., don’t require milk or butter). There was a limit of five per customer, but I was able to order five and Paul was able to order five, so we could give ten 4-packs to our local food pantry for under $25. The expiration date on the ones we received was May 1, 2026, and many food pantries including ours have a policy that donated food can’t expire within 6 months—but I contacted our food pantry, and they gladly accepted these because, as they said, it’s such a popular item, and moves fast. If I’d been thinking, I would have had them shipped directly to the food pantry: they are surprisingly bulky.

(image from Amazon.com)

Similarly: the board game Sorry is on sale right now for $6.99. Sorry is one of the few board games I am willing to play, and it works for a mix of ages. If you want to donate a game to a toy-collection box near you, this is a pretty solid choice. And there’s a buy-one-get-one-50%-off deal right now (the link is on the game listing) if you want to donate TWO games.

(image from Amazon.com)

I’m sure you have already seen this, but Merriam-Webster has a new baby. From their birth announcement:

For the first time in over twenty years, and only the twelfth time since 1898, Merriam-Webster has published a new edition of its iconic Collegiate Dictionary.

Complete with thumb notches and a deep red cover, weighing almost five pounds, the Twelfth Edition is available now.

Thoroughly updated and redesigned for students, professionals, and word lovers, the Twelfth Edition features over 5,000 new words (including cold brew, farm-to-table, rizz, and dad bod), 1,000 new phrases and idioms, enhanced entries for the top lookups, and more than 20,000 additional usage examples.

Baby picture:

(image from Merriam-Webster.com)

So handsome!

I IMMEDIATELY ordered one for Henry-the-English-major, and I will probably want it on my own wish list as well. I ordered it directly from Merriam-Webster and the shipping to my house was $7; it likely varies, but maybe not much. For some reason this was my Amaz0n line in the sand: I WILL GIVE MERRIAM-WEBSTER EVERY POSSIBLE PENNY, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.

We have purchased this Ninja portable-cup smoothie blender twice, once for Rob and once for William:

(image from Amazon.com)

In both cases, we bought it because the child in question complained that the cups included with our beloved Ninja blender-with-two-16-oz-smoothie-cups (which is its OWN gift idea) are too small. Or rather: they make the right size of smoothie, but they don’t have enough wiggle-room for making it. And neither Rob nor William currently uses a blender for anything else. So we bought them the SMOOTHIE-CUPS-ONLY version (though of course you can blend other things than smoothies in a smoothie cup), but with smoothie cups that are 24-ounce instead of 16-ounce. Frankly I was hoping William would add his to the household, because I agree about the smoothie size, but he has put it aside for the day when he has his own place.

I have bought this Swiss Victorinox small serrated knife for Rob and also for myself, and I use mine all the time:

Rob had mentioned that he needed a small multipurpose knife like the ones we have at home. I couldn’t find the ones we have at home with direct shipping. I found this one with direct shipping. Then I got jealous, and here we are. I use it for many kitchen tasks, and also for cutting open shipping boxes (the serration is GREAT on that fibrous tape).

William had been fussing over humidity and so forth, and using a vaporizer to try to increase it in winter, so I bought him this La Crosse hygrometer/thermometer that resembled the one I’d inherited from my grandfather and used constantly until the cats knocked it off a shelf one too many times and broke it:

(image from Amazon.com)

I found it at a local hardware store, and I bought one for myself as well, to use until I can figure out if there is such a thing as a hygrometer/thermometer repairperson.

William goes on a lot of long walks, even in winter, and says only his hands are an issue. Paul snowblows our enormous driveway, and even though the handle of the snowblower is heated, his hands still suffer. RECHARGEABLE SLIP-INTO-GLOVES HANDWARMERS FOR BOTH:

(image from Amazon.com)

Paul has lost his, and has asked for another pair this Christmas.

Speaking of reorders, my parents originally bought this meat thermometer for Paul, and it finally broke after many, many years, and he asked for a new one for Christmas, and I bought it gladly because I use it all the time too:

(image from Amazon.com)

You just stick it into the meat, and it thinks for a few seconds, and it shows you the internal temperature of the meat. I use it mostly for salmon; Paul uses it mostly for steak, burgers, and turkey.

This was specifically requested as a cheap, short-term item: one of the kids wanted a two-time-zone watch, to keep track of a friend who was going overseas. There were not as many cheap options as I’d hoped, and we chose this one, which was around $23 when we bought it. It worked as well as expected, which is to say it lasted the summer, and we don’t know if it would have lasted longer because after that it wasn’t needed. It’s advertised as a “women’s” watch, but we used it as a unisex item.

(image from Amazon.com)

Oh, hi! Do you play Pokemon Go, or does someone you love play Pokemon Go? This is a gamble, because not all phone-rockers work for all phones, but this is the phone-rocker I have, and it works for my phone, and it was recommended to me by many other people who also have phones and play Pokemon Go:

(image from Amazon.com)

I bought this before I had my knee surgery, when I knew I would be unable to go walking as the game required to meet certain goals. Others may use it when they have NOT had knee surgery; I don’t judge. Here are the tips, which sound complicated but are actually easy: the Pokemon Go app should be closed; the phone case should be removed; some people find their phone needs to be upside-down in the holder. Voila: steps.

Last year Elizabeth drew William’s name in the Sibling Secret Santa, and she bought him these cat-brushing gloves:

(image from Chewy.com)

They have been a wild success. William loves them. The cat loves them. I don’t love them. I dramatically prefer this little contour cat-brush, which the cat ALSO loves.

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s not the best I’ve ever seen at removing fur (that award goes to a vet-recommended wire brush I bought in the 1990s which can no longer be purchased anywhere as far as I can tell), but it is terrific at gently-but-firmly tidying the regal ruff of our medium-fur cat.

Do you know someone who has a Steam account, and likes puzzle-solving games? MAY I RECOMMEND BLUE PRINCE:

(image from store.steampowered.com)

There are very few games I can tolerate being the AUDIENCE for (*unpleasant flashback to my high school boyfriend wanting me to watch him play one of those stupid start-all-over-when-you-die-which-is-every-10-seconds video games such as Pac-Man or Donkey Kong*), but this is one of them. William and I have been watching Paul play this game for a week now. The gist is that you gradually build the floor-plan of a house room-by-room, in order to figure out your inheritance from an elderly relative who loves puzzles/games. There are things to find (coins, gems, notes, clues, letters, news clippings, security codes), and things to interact with, and things to observe, and mini-puzzles to solve. It’s visually compelling (I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE), and fun to gradually figure out what’s going on. Paul and William are more obsessed than I am (there are some rooms where, for example, you figure out how to configure a steam/water pump to make things happen in other rooms, which, YAWN), but I am still enjoying it too.

Perhaps you did not realize Old Spice had a holiday deodorant line. WELL LET ME INFORM YOU. I thought these might make good stocking stuffers, so I have tested Jacked Frost and Snickerdudel, and I would say that Snickerdudel is a perfectly acceptable vanilla-type scent (with a little of whatever it is scent-makers think “cookie” smells like), not too strong (I notice it only when I’m putting it on, and not throughout the day—but on the other hand I wear perfume, which tends to mask subtle deodorant scents), and that Jacked Frost smelled unacceptably MAN COLOGNE on me—and not even REMOTELY like mint. It says it is “frosted mint”! I caught NO mint!

(image from Amazon.com)

Gift Ideas; Also Some Library Talk; Also Some College Kid Credit Card Talk; Also Some Christmas Puzzle Talk

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Every year I want to do gift-idea posts, and I wait too long and run out of time. Or I keep finding ideas I can’t post, because too many recipients are here. This year I am going to post some gift ideas I used LAST year, which are no longer spoilers. I am going to use Amaz0n links mostly, because it is easy and gets me photos, but I am very keen on the idea of “see it here, buy it elsewhere/local instead.” I am going to list ideas until I get tired, and then start another post with more ideas.

I have a family member who is very keen on a bird-identification app, and I tried to use it too because it seems like real-life Pokemon Go, but I couldn’t get it to work on my phone. Anyway, I bought these bird flash cards from the makers of that app, for that friend:

(image from Amazon.com)

Paul wanted The Annotated Wizard of Oz:

(image from Amazon.com)

He also has The Annotated Alice in Wonderland, and I have annotated Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, and Persuasion. I have to be in the right frame of mind to read an annotated book—but when I am, it feels like all the pleasant parts of taking a little class in something I’m interested in. I feel studious, and interested, and as if I am Bettering My Mind.

Last year Elizabeth asked for something that would let her watch DVDs using her laptop. I asked my dad, who is the family maven, if he would be willing to research this for me, and I should have known he would already know of just the right thing:

(image from Amazon.com)

I don’t use it, so I don’t know exactly how it works, but I guess it connects to your laptop and lets you watch DVDs, since that is what Elizabeth wanted it to do. I was going to get one for freshman-college-student Henry this Christmas, but he mentioned there’s a DVD player on his dorm floor and people already have a habit of gathering there to watch whatever DVDs anyone can round up. So instead I got him a huge pile of DVDs that the library was getting rid of.

My mom wanted an ornament that looked like their ridiculous spoiled baby of a tuxedo cat, and I bought this crocheted amigurumi cat (the one on the right) from ZattaCreations on Etsy:

(image from https://www.etsy.com/shop/ZattaCreations)

She has tons of other ornaments, and I recommend ordering early—not only to give them time to ship, but also because last year the price gradually went up as Christmas neared. As I type this, the price is $17, which is the lowest price I saw last year before it started going up. I can imagine being an Etsy seller and trying to figure out how much more valuable my time gets as we get closer to the holiday, and how much the price of the product needs to go up for me to be willing to rush around packaging things up and then fighting my way to the post office, when I have my own holiday prep to do.

My dad wanted a t-shirt from his local library, but his local library doesn’t seem to sell them (or at least not online), so I got this Support Your Local Library t-shirt instead:

(image from Amazon.com)

It also comes in a women’s fit. I’ve bought many of these Amaz0n merch-on-demand shirts for myself, and for sizing purposes I can tell you that I like an XXL Tall in Old Navy, and I wear a women’s XXL in Amaz0n merch-on-demand. An XL fits me more flatteringly, but I like a roomier fit for work where I’m moving/bending/reaching a lot.

I don’t know if you know how much stress libraries are under with this administration. Not only is our funding threatened, but there are constant assaults on books that involve “””DEI/LGBTQA+ issues.””” We also have “First Amendment” activists coming in with video cameras, recording us and trying to provoke us into a reaction. And now we have a new “parental rights” law to contend with.

If you don’t have a library card, you can help your library out by getting one: it helps to show that people are using the services. It’s an errand that’ll take you about 5 minutes if you have a driver’s license with your library’s town on it.

Two of the kids asked for and received a pomodoro timer:

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s a time-management device. As I understand it, you flip it to how much time you want to spend on something: a video game, a homework assignment, a chore. When it rings, you stop, and flip it to how much time you want to spend on your next thing. There are a bunch of different designs. William’s been using his constantly since last Christmas. (Rob maybe has been, too, but he doesn’t live with us so I can’t testify.)

Speaking of William, we have pretty much committed to getting him one pair of these bogglingly expensive L.L. Bean flannel pajama pants each year, because he is very very tall and these are the only ones that have a long-enough inseam (he says other brands’ talls are not as tall, even if they say they are):

(image from LLBean.com)

We have the L.L. Bean credit card, which means we get free shipping and also means we gradually accrue points, which means by the end of the year I can usually get a pair of pajama pants either for free or for a really good discount; also, certain plaids will go on sale, and there is usually a sale near Christmas. STILL.

By the way, if you are sending a child to college and you want them to have access to a credit card for emergencies and for authorized expenses, L.L. Bean is the one we eventually settled on—to my surprise, since we originally got the card ourselves only for the free shipping. The account-holder can add up to five people allowed to use the same account, but each person has their own card with their own name and own number. All the charges come to the account-holder (in this case, me), broken down by who spent what and where. So for example if a college child spends money on concert tickets instead of on textbooks and Tylenol, I am on them like a duck on a june bug. Initially we tried to share a different credit card; and although it let us add a child, that child’s spending was mixed in with ours and I felt as if I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out what was a legitimate charge and what wasn’t.

Henry asked for Bea Wolf and it did not disappoint:

(image from Amazon.com)

It’s a graphic novel retelling of Beowulf, for middle-grade kids. Henry was a high school senior at the time, but that did not dim his enjoyment. But also he is an English major, so.

Last year, one of my regrets is that I did not have/make time to do my new Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle; this year I am DETERMINED to prioritize it. I mention it in case you want to be puzzle twins with me:

(image from Amazon.com)

If you prefer a more difficult puzzle, I can say that the Eurographics Sweet Christmas puzzle was one level above my ability to do, while still being very good. One of Henry’s friends had to help me. (Henry ran a weekly D&D group, and every week this friend would arrive a little early and work on the puzzle. It was the only way I got it done. All that brown and tan!! all that cream-colored background!!)

Too Early Until It’s Too Late (Christmas Prep)

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I have done an important holiday task: I have ordered the prints of the family photo we’ll include with the Christmas cards.

Every year at our annual extended-family get-together I have someone take photos of the seven of us—but this year that task fell to my brother, who took literally eight photos and called it good, and there is no photo among those eight in which fewer than two of us are blinking. I should have handed the camera to one of my sisters-in-law, either of whom I think is more likely to grasp the concept that it takes several hundred family photos to get one good one—or, at least, several dozen to get a decent one.

So instead I have done a collage, which would be less stressful if we did not have SEVEN people (and FOUR cats) to fit into a 4×6-inch format. I try to improve the situation by using as many photos as possible that include more than one person(/cat), but it is still difficult, and this year was more difficult than most. I started with a list of what important things had happened this year: Henry graduating high school and starting college was a big one, and so is William’s new job (he is doing substitute-teaching for the local school district, because he majored in computer science and employers are currently under the misapprehension that AI can do that job without negative consequence); no one else had a Big Event, other than me with my knee-replacement surgery, which does not need a photo (though I had one set aside if there was room, which there was not).

The collage format includes two larger horizontal slots and four smaller vertical slots, so in the two larger slots I did a picture of Paul and me from our anniversary, and a photo I had of the five kids together; then in the smaller slots I did one of Henry at his high school graduation (it was a better photo than his dorm-move-in photo), one of Elizabeth at her summer-camp job, one of William on his first day at his new job, and one of Edward with a cat. Rob is the only kid who didn’t have his own separate photo, but he is also grown and living far away, so that feels understandable. The three not-pictured cats will have to similarly understand.

I am trying trying TRYING to follow the advice of myself-from-earlier-years, which is that I should SEIZE any too-early holiday energy. Any time I think, “Oh, it is too early to get started on that,” I am going to try to remember myself in mid-December frantically wishing I had done it BACK THEN when I had TIME. Last year I got a mild case of Covid in December (too positive to go to work, but not too sick to be sitting up and doing things) and it was THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED: I spent day after day working just on Christmas, and I STILL didn’t get done everything I’d wanted to do! Can I possibly improve myself this year?? It ALWAYS seems Too Early until it seems Too Late! ALWAYS!

So I have ordered the photos even though I am not ready to do the holiday cards, and probably won’t be until after Thanksgiving. And I am remembering my previous resolution to order the gifts in my carts as soon as they go on their first good November sale: I know I will THINK “Oh, but they’ll go on better sales on Black Friday!”—but either they WON’T, or they WILL but it will NOT BE WORTH WAITING, or they WILL but they will be out of stock. Just order them NOW. Black Friday and Cyber Monday are almost always disappointing!

And I am buying stocking stuffers LEFT AND RIGHT, as soon as I see them. Yummy little snacks? BUY THEM. Cute little thingies? BUY THEM. Fun little toys? BUY THEM.

The items for my parents, and for Paul’s sister, which need to be shipped: I am going to work on them SOON, VERY SOON. I sent one item ALREADY to Paul’s sister, and I sent her a self-conscious / apologetic text about it, and she was like No for real we are basically preppers so buy-it-when-you-find-it is our whole philosophy, I breathed a sigh of relief. She and I agreed that Amaz0n is a useful evil, and that we will use their wish lists and ship things to each other nice and early without feeling weird.

Line-a-Day Journal: Loop Two

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I have completed the first circuit of the line-a-day journal I started on Election Day of last year: I am now making a SECOND entry on each page. (I chose this particular cover, but there are many, many, many, many, many options.)

(image from Amazon.com)

It is of course very upsetting to re-read the entries for the days following Election Day. It is not much less upsetting to be adding entries such as “The Supreme Court ruled in the Tr*mp’s favor that SNAP benefits can be halted while he appeals a federal judge’s ruling that he must reinstate them” and “The Supreme Court temporarily allows Tr*mp’s rule that passports can only show the holder’s assigned sex at birth” and “The U.S. has blown up a 10th boat, claiming without proof that it was a drug-running boat—not that that would allow us to blow people up.” But it was refreshing to add “Not only Z0hran Mamd@ni but also Abigail Sp@nberger and Miki3 Sh3rrill won their races.”

Fun Toy Shopping

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I have had a heart-pounding morning, because I arrived at my computer with my coffee to find that MANY, MANY ITEMS in my Amaz0n cart were on sale—including ALL the Melissa & Doug things I had put there as ideas for the preschooler we’re buying gifts for this holiday season. The doctor playset! The dentist playset! The tiara/crown set! The dress-up dolls! The dinosaur Water Wow! The ice-cream counter playset! The farm cube puzzle my own kids played with! The dinosaur drawing playset! ALL OF IT SUDDENLY MUCH CHEAPER.

Well. My first impulse was to buy up every single item. But also I DO want to be sensible, and we are NOT supposed to be deluging the child with toys (they will receive more toys from another community program). I tried to breathe slowly and choose what I ACTUALLY thought were the best items for this particular child, WITHOUT thinking too much about “But it’s such a GOOD DEAL!!,” and I ended up buying the vet playset, the tiara/crown set, and the dinosaur Water Wow.

(image from Amazon.com)

I chose the vet set because it seemed to me it had everything good about the doctor set, plus the vet concept. I wanted to buy half a dozen Water Wows, but who knows if she even likes those? The dinosaur drawing set was SO reduced—but, looking at it closely, I thought it seemed too old for her. The ice-cream counter is SO fun, but since her list specifically mentions Little People, I want to put the other part of the toy gift budget toward something there. Etc.

(image from Amazon.com)

I also bought her the same Wild Republic Cuddlekins triceratops I bought for preschool Elizabeth when she was in HER dinosaur phase. I was going to buy it even at its usual $15, but it was down to under $10. It is SO nice and huggy; I used to cuddle it myself when I was feeling low.

A note about Amaz0n. Sigh. I have mentioned before that I am trying to buy less from there. And I am succeeding: there are now many things I used to buy at Amaz0n that I buy at local stores or through other websites. I am also succeeding at STOPPING AND THINKING before automatically buying from there: can I buy this somewhere else? is the amount I save worth it? etc. This all made me feel as if I should not put Amaz0n links on this blog, even if I did buy those things from Amaz0n, because it felt like…setting a bad example? or enabling, or something? But the thing is, I DO still buy things there, and especially at Christmas. So I am just going to go ahead and link to things, and know that you are adults who can make your own decisions about your own purchases, and also that we all understand the difference between a REDUCTION and a TOTAL CESSATION, and that I don’t need to mention it every single time. And I hope that those of you who HAVE succeeded in a total cessation will not think less of me—or that it will be only a small amount less, a little sigh’s worth.

Secret Santa Consult

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Hello! I have been assigned my Secret Santa children for this season, and I am extremely excited. Also: I have some questions to put to the group-mind.

ONE! Do you use air-freshener thingies in your car? And if so, what would you say are the superior ones—good scents, really work, last a nice long time, not too overwhelming, maybe a little pricey? And separately, do you know which are the COOL ones—like, if you were a teenager?

TWO! If you were looking for a good “dress-up / pretend play” gift for a 2-year-old girl who wears size 4T-5T, and you didn’t know what she might already have, what might you choose? We also know that she loves pink, and dinosaurs. I purchased a couple of really good Melissa & Doug dress-up outfits when my own kids were little, but that was when I knew exactly what they wanted to dress up as (knight, pirate), so I was willing to plunk down a chunk of money on just one outfit. It’s more difficult when I’m not sure. Should I buy one dinosaur suit? Or an assortment of tutus? Maybe she already has the princess/mermaid set. Maybe she’d prefer more of a doctor/construction/astronaut/firefighter set. WHY DON’T THESE FORMS HAVE MORE DETAILED INFORMATION?? I feel like if I were signing up my kid, I would have to be physically stopped from filling up multiple pages.

It’s extra difficult when I can’t even give you an approximate budget. We’re supposed to spend about $100 total per child (I will tell you privately that I fudge this and go higher), and we pick from a list including practical things (bedding, clothes) as well as fun things; so what I typically do is get a whole bunch of ideas for all the categories, and then start narrowing down, depending on what I feel like I have the Best Ideas for. So maybe I will find a dress-up set for $70 and it is the most perfect thing I have ever seen, so I will prioritize that; or maybe I will feel too uncertain about any of the options, so I will skip it and buy other things instead, or I will get a much smaller $10 dress-up item. My FAVORITE is a nice distribution among the categories, so I guess for a dress-up set I would be imagining $20-30.

You might think, as Paul immediately did, that I should prioritize the fun things. But there are TWO Secret-Santa-type programs: one is TOYS ONLY, and that is served by all the toy-collection bins that show up around town, and that is a fairly hearty program. The other is THIS program, which is supposed to have an emphasis on more practical items—but then they list toys, too, which leaves me a little uncertain. I generally LEAN toward the practical, but I try to make them fun (i.e., FUN/character bedding set, COOL clothes), and then I always include items from the toy list as well.

I have gotten distracted from my list and I still have one more question:

THREE! Do you have any particular Little People sets to recommend—especially considering the child is 2 and likes pretend-play? I was browsing the options, and it seemed like some were FUN but I wasn’t sure about the play-value (tree animals, Christmas wonderland); and some had more play-value but it feels more likely the child would already have that set (school, house). On the other hand, we’re supposed to provide gift-receipts, and we bring everything in a couple weeks before Christmas, so there’s no such thing as a an utter disaster: if I accidentally buy something the child already has, the parents can exchange it. I could also do a character/animal set, making the assumption that those could be integrated into existing sets OR played with even without a set.

Fall Bulbs

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1. Today I was restless after work, and

2. I have been trying to run more errands in the afternoons after work, rather than letting them pile up for my day off, and

3. I have been trying to buy the cats’ special Hills Science Diet Oral Care cat food (the vet recommends mixing it into their regular food for routine dental care) locally instead of from Amaz0n, but the local store keeps being out of stock, while promising they will have some soon, and

4. I needed to complete a Pokémon task, so:

This afternoon I went on an outing to the local gardening/pet store, with a stop along the way to complete a Pokémon task. On the topic of Pokémon tasks: I have become very self-indulgent. I have thought, “This is a hobby, and it is a perfectly acceptable hobby, and if I need to pull over into a parking lot for a few minutes to complete some sort of task to acquire some sort of prize, then TELL ME: WHAT HARM IN THAT?” Anyway, I went to the gardening/pet store, which has a task-completing Pokémon thingie in its parking lot, and don’t worry if that part makes no sense to you.

They DID have the cat food I was looking for, but only in the 3.5-pound bags, which is a bridge too far for me, expense-wise. The 3.5-pound bag is $25; the 7-pound bag is $35. My frugal heart cannot tolerate that math. So I went home and ordered the 7-pound bag for $38 from Chewy.com, which scores well on Goods Unite Us. This is how we live now.

Where was I? Oh, yes: so, I was disappointed in my quest—but, on the way in, I’d noticed the gardening/pet store was having a 25%-off sale on fall bulbs. I like to live dangerously, in re fall bulbs. That is, I like to plant them VERY LATE. We have ABUNDANT CHIPMUNKS, who love nothing more than FLOWER BULB SALAD, and so ideally I like to plant the bulbs MOMENTS BEFORE the ground freezes solid. This results in a pleasing partnership with my frugal heart, which likes a sale. The fall bulbs go on 25% off when we are beginning to play chicken; when the bulbs go on 50%-off, it is CHICKEN GAME ROYALE.

But we are more financially comfortable than we used to be, and 25% off is enough to at least cause me to browse, especially when I have been disappointed in the cat-cookies quest. (The vet calls the big-chunk oral-care cat kibbies “cookies,” and now so do we.) I bought a bag of 7 white daffodils—an extra-fragrant variety with a thin red rim around the trumpet; these were abundant at our old house and I miss them. I bought another bag of 16 mixed pink-variety daffodils. Another bag of 7 fluffy yellow daffodils. And a bag of 4 allium giganteum, which you should look up if you’ve never seen them; our library handyman planted a bunch of them around our library sign and they are spectacular. Big purple lollipop puffballs. Chipmunks/squirrels allegedly find daffodils bitter; I don’t know how they feel about allium.

The clerk commented, “And if you don’t mind being out in the rain, this is a PERFECT day to plant them.” I do mind being out in the rain (especially I mind my glasses getting speckled), but I don’t mind it as much as I mind LOSING TO CHIPMUNKS. I went out with my little trowel, and I planted all 34 bulbs in the yard, in the rain. The rain will help water them in, and will also help cover my tracks (chipmunks are apparently alert to Disturbed Soil).

If you tend to feel crummy in the winter, may I recommend planting bulbs. All winter I can think about them, and look forward to them coming up. They are the epitome of hopefulness. I have already started hoping.

Two More Books by Rumer Godden; Old Scary Movies

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Since reading An Episode of Sparrows, I have read two more books by Rumer Godden. The first was Five for Sorrow, Ten for Joy. It was surprisingly gritty/modern in parts (a significant portion of plot takes place in a brothel, and in some of the before-and-after circumstances surrounding members of that brothel), and then surprisingly meandering/religious in others. Like, I didn’t measure, but if I had to ESTIMATE what percentage was gritty and/or focused plot and what percentage was nearly-unrelated meanderings about day-to-day convent life, including who was assigned to which daily chores and which saint-day it was, I’d say 30/70. I read the whole thing, but was sometimes unsure why I was still reading. And then one of the major plotlines, which seemed to be building to a book-long Ultimate Plot Confrontation, went utterly unresolved! Just, “Welp, I guess we’ll never know! Okay bye!” Definitely I liked it less than An Episode of Sparrows, and I also felt it did not hold together well. It was like the author got super interested in nuns/convents and just wanted to write about that, but felt she had to incorporate it into a fiction plot, and then couldn’t figure out how to resolve the fiction part.

Then I read The Kitchen Madonna. I would never, ever, ever have chosen this book off the shelf without having been motivated to read more Rumer Godden. Here is the cover:

I mean, absolutely not! But I enjoyed it enormously, and it was similar in some ways to An Episode of Sparrows: quirky interesting children pull off a relatively minor feat that will nevertheless have you breathlessly rooting for them to succeed. And there are illustrations! And by the time I finished the book, I felt so fond of the cover I can’t even express it to you; you will just have to try it for yourself and see if you feel the same way. I do wish Mary weren’t a blonde. And are her eyes blue? Let’s say they are not. This is a book I might want to own, and might want to re-read annually, perhaps near Christmastime, even though it is not Christmassy. The vibe is Christmassy.

In other vintage-media news, William has been working his way through old Halloween/scary movies, and we have joined him sometimes. (Not for The Exorcist, which William described palely as “very medical.”) Last night we watched The Invisible Man (1933), which reminded me of the Disney Sunday Night Movies I enjoyed so much in my childhood (Escape to Witch Mountain! The Cat From Outer Space! The Absent-Minded Professor!). I would have found some parts much too scary back then (lots of invisible throttling, and a Scary Invisible Voice), but I could imagine a version of it where I would have just enjoyed the thrilling special effects. Tonight we watched Werewolf of London (1935) which I found even more enjoyable. There were many genuinely witty moments. Both movies end (spoiler alert!) with the monster (a MAN who has REACHED FOR WHAT MAN SHOULD NOT REACH FOR!!) dying dramatically and conveniently, with Final Words Expressing Regret and Humanity, as well as devotion for The Blonde Love Interest. If I were compiling a list of movies to watch every Halloween, like I do at Christmas, I would add Werewolf of London for sure.

Cleaned a Toilet!

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I have thoroughly cleaned a toilet, and I am feeling triumphant about it.

Even after months of physical therapy for my knee replacement, and being assured by multiple professionals that I MAY kneel on that new knee, I have not been able to COMFORTABLY kneel on that knee. It feels Wrong. In part this is because that knee is still numb, more than it is supposed to be—and I can tell it is more numb than it is supposed to be, because the surgeon’s PA keeps trying to act surprised/incredulous, and also as if it’s fine (“Technically you don’t NEED to kneel ever again,” she says, age 32 and I’ll bet still doing plenty of kneeling herself without seeing it as unnecessary), and/or as if I am confused or imagining it (“Well, it WILL be permanently numb over HERE, but you’ll only notice that when shaving!”—indicating an area adjacent to the numb area, which is indeed also numb), alternately. Kneeling on it feels the way it does if you put weight on something swollen/numb/sore—which is to say, my body gives me immediate, strong feedback that NO YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS: it is a combination of Intense Discomfort and also Panic. And yet: all the professionals agree that I am not doing any actual damage if I kneel on it, and that I can ignore those signals. DON’T listen to your body!—as all the professionals constantly tell us.

Well. I don’t know about you, but actually I used to kneel quite often, and consider(ed) it pretty important. Perhaps that is WHY I ended up having to have a knee replaced relatively young, for what the surgeon described as “wear-and-tear” damage. I definitely used to kneel to clean toilets, and to clean the shower floor, and to clean the bathroom floors. And now I feel stuck, because I married a man who has never cleaned any of those things and never will, and when I hired housecleaners they stole from us.

I can kneel on the OTHER knee, though perhaps that is not wise if I want to keep it. And also: it turns out that kneeling on one knee is about 1/10th as useful as kneeling on both. (Try it! It is…surprising.) For one thing, it is harder to move around: if I am down on one knee, and I need to change position, I have to sort of HITCH and SCOOT. Also: I get uncomfortable much more quickly. Also: it’s all just so frustrating. I have wept over it. Am I glad I had the knee surgery?, lots of people want to know. Yes. But.

I bought a gardening kneeler, but that was much too firm and didn’t help. I can kneel on, for example, a mattress (the physical therapist had me do my practice-kneeling on a mattress), so I have wondered if maybe it would be best to put a small plump squooshy soft pillow into a plastic bag (germ/chemical protection for the absorbent pillow, since I am dealing with bathroom floors and cleaning supplies), and kneel on THAT. But tonight what I did was I knelt on a combination of (1) the original knee and (2) the surgically-replaced knee, placed carefully/judiciously on the pile of towels I was about to launder anyway, which I had cast onto the floor. That worked pretty well. I still had to scoot around a bit, because I found I still didn’t want to kneel much on the replaced knee, even if on towels. But! I was down on the floor, and I was able to thoroughly clean a toilet that badly needed it, and that felt very satisfying and good. (The toilet has not gone nine months uncleaned. When Henry was still here, Henry cleaned it. But he left in late August. Since then I have frequently scrubbed the toilet bowl, and have sprayed/wiped the toilet ring/seat, and have sprayed/wiped the floor in front of the toilet (blood rushing to my head as I leaned down) because of who I married—but today is the first time since January I’ve cleaned THE WHOLE ENTIRE THING and THE ENTIRE FLOOR AROUND IT. I feel HIGH. …and perhaps in need of more sources of joy and satisfaction in my life.)

I was so invigorated by this success that I went on to clean multiple things I could have cleaned at any time without kneeling: the half-bath sink, the kitchen sink, the toothbrush cup, etc. And I have cycled two loads of laundry, and ordered a few Christmas gifts. One triumph leads to more triumphs, and I don’t know why I cannot fully incorporate this knowledge.

Token Bridal Shower Gift Ideas

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We are having a surprise bridal shower for a coworker I don’t know well (our shifts don’t usually overlap) but feel fondly towards. She is a couple years older than my eldest child, and she is kind, and she has a pleasingly formal attitude like she should be wearing gloves and a hat, and she is being picked on by the same boss who has been picking on me.

I don’t know her well enough to choose a gift. I snooped for a registry online, and found one, but it’s the kind where people contribute money towards, for example, “dinner for two” or “couple’s massage,” which reads to me as “We don’t need anything except money.” Our workplace is doing a greeting card and anyone can add cash to it, so I’m going to take what I would have spent on a gift and put it as cash in the card.

But I would ALSO like to buy her a little token gift. Maybe something in the $10-15 range. I’m thinking along the lines of…whimsical/seasonal kitchen towels. I remember liking the fall-themed items we received for our fall wedding, and I thought of them sort of romantically. Or if they were still available, I might go super-practical and get her a couple of my favorite spatula/turners. Or a set of the wee little spoons I use all the time. Or I could give them a few of the pretty little ceramic bowls I find at HomeGoods/TJMaxx/Marshalls, which are the perfect size for a million things, and are also pretty. Actually, the little bowls idea seems perfect (useful; small; personal; pretty) and that is probably what I am going to do.

But pretend I did not just talk myself into that! Pretend it is several minutes earlier and I am still thinking! Because I AM still thinking, and have NOT yet purchased the bowls, so I am still interested in discussing this and hearing your ideas! Did you receive something small when you got married and you still use it all the time? I received a set of three small clear glass bowls; over the decades we have broken two but we still have one left, and we still use it all the time.

In situations like this, I do NOT worry (much) about accidentally getting someone something they don’t need/want: of course I TRY to get them something I THINK they will need/want, but if I fail in that task I trust them to redistribute all such items as they see fit: to a friend, to a shelter or pantry, to Goodwill, etc. And in this case, where I am ALSO giving them some cash they definitely want/need, and where I am a coworker and not even a close one, I am not worrying at all about my additional token gift, and we can just have fun with it.