My friend Mairzy and I first bonded over baby names. In fact, I’d say that if you include the “Hey, Mairzy! Hey, Swistle!” and the “See ya, Mairzy! See ya, Swistle!” as part of the conversation, our first chats were roughly 95% baby names. About right, Mairzy?

It’s still our favorite topic. We both own tattered copies of The Baby Name Wizard (Maizy’s is more tattered: she generously loans hers out, whereas I hoard mine like miser’s gold), and we like to page through them together, calling out opinions. Anyone seeing us in a coffee shop would assume that both of us were pregnant–and certainly we go into name overdrive when one of us IS. But baby names are not a pregnancy topic for us: they’re an ALWAYS topic.

We are interested in EVERYONE’S baby names. We have heard it many times, but we are still surprised when people say they “just chose” a name, as if it were not an activity involving piles of baby name books, hundreds of discussions, and multi-page lists. Not because it’s “necessary” to do it that way, but because it’s SO FUN. If choosing a baby name is a no-big-deal, boring task…perhaps you’d let US name your baby?

Here is what Mairzy and Swistle would like to know today: What did you name your dolls when you were a child? This is not limited to literal dolls—you could include stuffed animals or pets—but what we’re looking for here is your budding baby-naming skills. Not relevant: descriptive names (“Fluffy” for a stuffed cat) and jokey names (“Fred” for a hamster–unless you really did think that was an awesome boy name you’d use for a future child).

I had two dolls I gave names to. My first was a baby doll, and I got her the Christmas I was five. I named her Jeanette Isabella after my favorite Christmas carol. Later I changed her name to Sarah; later still, I changed her name to Nina. My second doll was a Cabbage Patch Kid, and I named her Megan.

Mairzy had two dolls she played with a lot. She named them Anna Nicole (she notes: “not Smith”) and Katherine.

We are not sure what these names Tell Us, but we are Very Interested all the same!

I sure enjoyed all your comments about how awesomely organized I am. Perhaps I should just keep it to myself that THIS is my “coats and backpacks and boots” organizational system:

And that THIS is my “bathroom drawer” organizational system:

And speaking of not being entirely with-it, last week I was in a big panic because WE HAVE NO BREAD OMG WHAT WILL WE DO?? and it seriously didn’t occur to me until today that we have a BREAD MACHINE. We can make bread RIGHT HERE ON THE PREMISES. (We only use our bread machine as a (1) counter-space reducer and (2) pizza dough maker.)

And speaking now of pizza (are you enjoying these smooth, well-organized segues?), I had a little diet crisis yesterday. I took Rob to a doctor appointment and afterward I let him choose a treat from the vending machine. And I was doing FINE, just hanging out and watching him choose something, feeling proud of myself for being so patient as the minutes ticked by. Until I saw the strawberry Pop-Tarts. The kind with sprinkles. Oh how I love Pop-Tarts! And 80 cents later (what a rip!), I had the package open and was eating half a Pop-Tart in the elevator. And part of me was saying, “OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? PUT THAT DOWN!! OMG ARE YOU CRAZY?,” and a louder part of me was saying, “MMMMMMMmmmmmmm!”

After half a Pop-Tart, I was calmed down enough to start thinking that really I should toss the rest out. I didn’t feel like I HAD to have it anymore, so I shouldn’t eat it. But…the WASTE! And it would be so yummy! AND THEN: I dropped the package into a puddle. Not on purpose, completely by accident. I stood there staring at it, unbelieving—surely it could still be saved? Surely the 5-minute rule means the water was not filling the package? I was in denial, but soon had to admit that the Pop-Tarts were gone, really gone. THAT made the decision, didn’t it? It was like losing 60 cents, right there. But today, looking back, would I pay 60 cents to NOT have eaten 1.5 Pop-Tarts? Yes. So: good deal.

Then I further played with fire by stopping at a drive-through on the way home for Rob to get lunch. And I let him get more than he’d be able to eat, already in the back of my mind planning to eat the extra, so as not to waste it. (Really, it would only be the Financially Sensible thing to do.) And the smell of the chicken nuggets nearly DROVE ME WILD in the car on the way home. And then he did, in fact, eat all of it, so I had soup.

I am having the kind of day where three children woke up wet and had to be bathed right away, and where toddler twins are hitting and biting and saying “NO YOU GO ‘WAY!!!” to each other, and I’ve already had one discipline issue of the “Do I really have to handle this or could I just pretend not to notice?” type, and the laundry is doing THIS:

And this reminds me of the comment Susan left in the comment section awhile back:

Okay, can you please tell me how you manage to cook and clean with 5 kids, esp 5 young kids?! i do not know how you manage it, without, like, a maid and nanny. even if your housework standards are low, i know your kids still get dinner, have clean clothes, and i can see from photos your not drowning in chaos, so some cleaning must be done.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT?!? please teach me. i am in your hands. i bet others would like to know, too.

Susan is right to assume that although my first response would indeed have been that I DON’T cook or clean, HAR HAR, I do in fact do some basic meal preparation and some cleaning. I don’t LITERALLY let the children rummage in the cupboards for cereal to eat off the floor.

…very often.

All day, but especially during Our Morning Routine (6:15-8:05), I rely on a system of MESHING activities: I get one thing going that can maintain itself for awhile, and then I get another thing going. It’s like the plate-spinning trick. Or like getting the washing machine going before you start cleaning the bathroom: then you and the washing machine are BOTH working.

So, for example, the first thing I do is get breakfast on the table, even if the baby is crying the entire time, because then any child who isn’t doing something else can be eating. And if the baby is NOT crying, I also get the coffee pot going so it’ll be ready later.

I get one older child into the shower, because once I start the water, they can handle it all the way through to showing up at the table fully dressed. I nurse the baby while three children eat, then fourth child joins them. I get the twins dressed either BEFORE this (if they wake up before baby) or AFTER (if they wake up after baby). I assemble lunches.

Sometimes I have coffee and cereal out on the counter for myself to eat as I’m assembling the lunches.

Then I shower while the big kids supervise the little kids.

The whole routine takes an hour and fifty minutes, and at the end of it we have six dressed people, at least five fed people, and at least two showered people. Also: two lunches assembled, two backpacks packed, two kids in outerwear. I have a list by the door of everything that needs to be IN the kids’ backpacks and everything they need to have ON, and so I can say, “Okay, get ready for school now,” and they can do it without any of us forgetting anything.

The older kids go off to the bus stop, and then the rest of my day is pretty flexible: it doesn’t really matter what time we have lunch, for example.

When we do have lunch, I make extra sandwiches. I put them in the freezer for the older kids’ lunches the next day. That’s why I used the word “assembled” above: I found it stressful to try to make sandwiches in the morning, so now I take sandwiches out of the freezer and just make the snacks. If I have a little left in a box of crackers, I put that in a baggie and put it aside for a future lunch.

I usually have three tasks in mind for each day. One of the three tasks is always laundry, whether I actually put a load in or not: laundry ALWAYS needs to be done. The other tasks might be to take out the trash, or to wipe off the counters, or to make a batch of baby food, or to make soup, or to scoop the cat box, or to write a letter, or to change sheets, or pay the bills that don’t get auto-paid, or some other thing. I might get to these things or I might not; typically I get to two of them.

When the older boys come home, I work on their homework with them. I try to schedule the rest of the day so that I’m not in a huge flurry of activity when they come home, since they bring that huge flurry of activity home with them already.

Other than that, I don’t have challenging goals. I don’t try to keep the house CLEAN-clean: I take care of the worst areas as they bug me. I don’t try to do crafts other than coloring–but I didn’t much like crafts even when I had only one child. I don’t try to grocery shop: Paul does that on the weekends. I don’t try to cook dinner: Paul cooks for the kids when we have a nursing infant, and we cook our own meals after the kids go to bed.

I’m sorry, this is so LONG and so BORING. But, you know, it IS that way!

The keys to it, I think, are:

1) Mesh activities. Get one thing going that can sustain itself, while you go on to the next thing. There should be as little “standing around waiting for mommy” as possible.

2) Separate what really must be done now from what can wait. A soaking wet child really must have a quick bath before getting dressed—but as much as I’m itching to change the wet sheets, those can wait until after the older kids leave for school.

3) Employ even sub-par resources. The two older boys are slow and messy, but they CAN help. If I’m in a rush, it’s like having extra hands. Maybe it takes them three times as long to pack their lunches, but it is possible for them to do it.

4) Get up early enough. I used to get up at 6:30, but found I always ended up raising my voice near leaving time. Setting my alarm for 15 minutes earlier SUCKED, but it made all the difference in how pleasant our morning was.

5) Grab opportunities. Some mornings, the kids wake up earlier than usual. When they do, I’ll have both older boys take showers, instead of just one. I might give a littler child or two a quick bath, or I might change sheets. If I’m waiting for soup to heat up, I don’t stand there reading a book (PAUL), I do a few dishes. (Note: I’m not talking about opportunities such as naptime, or the kids watching TV. I use those for computer stuff, not chores.)

6) Don’t try to do too much. I can’t tell you how important it was to me when Paul went back to work after Henry was born and said, “If all six of you are alive when I get home, I will be impressed.” I do what doesn’t send me over the Cliff of Despair, and everything else can wait until the kids leave home for good. Assuming they ever do.

In case you are not already sick of me talking IN EVERY COMMENT SECTION ACROSS THE LAND about my favorite baby name book, I’m reviewing it today over at SundryBuzz.

Elizabeth’s vocabulary is developing rapidly. This weekend she pointed at me and said “YEAVE ME ‘YONE!” (Leave me alone.) Then she pointed to the enormous laundry pile and said, “YOU DO YAWN-HEE!” (You do laundry.) NICE. How ’bout a little “I yuv you”?

First weigh-in today! I’m down three (and a half) pounds. I love the first week of a diet, when my system is all “WHUH??” It’s harder to get excited later on when it’s a half-pound loss, or no loss at all, or even a little bump up.

Isn’t it weird how some diets stick and some don’t? I’ve been on so many half-day diets, where my resolve fails before I even get to lunchtime. It’s too early to celebrate this one’s success, but even getting past the 3-day point is a big deal to me.

Everyone has their own weak spot, and mine is SWEETS. I almost feel I can’t be happy in life unless I can be constantly grazing out of a sack of chocolates. Here are a few of the, um, sensible choice treats and desserts that have been pulling me back from the edge of the cliff:

1) Sugar-free fat-free Jell-o pudding, particularly the Chocolate Fudge flavor (the regular Chocolate tastes flat to me). I eat it with Lite Cool Whip, which makes it sweeter and more dessert-ish. It’s even better if you crumble up some graham crackers on it: tastes like one of those graham-cracker-crusted pudding pies.

2) Chai tea made with milk. Fill a coffee mug half-full of skim milk, then the rest of the way with water. Microwave for 2 minutes, or until hot but not boiling. Put in a chai tea teabag. Wait for awhile, maybe do some dishes or something. Remove teabag and stir in some Splenda. The milk and Splenda take the tea out of tea category and into the hot chocolate category, and the warmth and caffeine are heartening.

3) Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats, especially the strawberry and vanilla flavors. I eat them dry, with a glass of milk on the side: this maximizes the sweetness impact. The wheat makes them righteous, and also filling.

4) Mint milk. Fill a glass with skim milk. Add a few drops of peppermint extract. (Seriously, don’t overdo the extract or it’ll taste like toothpaste.) (And don’t accidentally buy Mint instead of Peppermint–ICK.) Then add a little vanilla extract (I like the cheap artificial stuff for this), maybe half a teaspoon. Then a couple of spoonfuls of Splenda. This drink has the SPIRIT of melted mint chocolate-chip ice cream.

5) Sugar-free Jell-o with crushed pineapple. Use just about any flavor of Jell-0, but I particularly like the citrus ones. Add about half of a big can of crushed pineapple. The Jell-o and pineapple are both sweet; the pineapple gives the Jell-o some substance, and makes it more nutritious and filling. Add some Lite Cool Whip and you might find your will to live returning.

6) Sweet popcorn. Pop it with just a little oil, and then sprinkle it with a little salt and a lot of Splenda. It’s surprisingly yummy–I eat this even when I’m NOT dieting.

Yesterday’s mail brought the news that I’ve been excused from jury duty. On one hand, I’m SO RELIEVED. On the other hand, SO DISAPPOINTED! If I’d had all your comments and input BEFORE mailing them my crazy-person letter, I would have asked for a deferral rather than an excusal, or whatever the terms are.

Well. Onward to a totally awesome idea. I’m copying And You Know What Else, who was copying Bright Yellow World, who gives credit to Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind, and that’s as far back as I’m taking it. What you do is, you make a list of things you haven’t said to people in your life. Each one should be directed at someone in particular. You don’t say who you’re saying each thing to, and you don’t give a ton of backstory—you just say it. Like so:

1) We’re not friends anymore. I don’t understand why you don’t understand.

2) You are so stupid, I’m embarrassed I dated you for so long.

3) You glue yourself to whoever tells you who you are. Is there any part of you that is YOU, or are you nothing more than a personality parasite?

4) I wish we’d dated. Even if it hadn’t worked out, at least I would have known.

5) I’m so sorry you died. I think about you a lot. I don’t know why you left without telling me you were going.

6) Do you seriously think I’m stupid enough to believe that you stopped calling because I was “too good for” you? Wow, you’re a real saint, to be so self-sacrificial for my benefit. Whatever, pinehole. Before I was even out the door, you were on the phone to a girl who would put out. If you seriously believe you came out of that situation holding the flag of chivalry, you’re more delusional than I thought.

7) I don’t understand why you dropped out of touch. I thought you were the one who was more invested in our friendship.

8) I have dreams where I am hitting you as hard as I can, again and again, and the only thing I feel sorry about is that my dream-arms can’t hit harder.

9) Maybe I should have formally ended our friendship, but I didn’t know what to say. “You’re a bad friend and a toxic person”? That didn’t seem…constructive.

10) Neither of us made a choice to believe what we believe, and I think you’d feel better if you knew that.

11) Ever since I said those things to you, I have been feeling like a total idiot. But it’s been so long, and I don’t know how to take them back.

12) Dude. What was WITH you? I still don’t get it.

Sooooooo……..

Are you all pacing a trough in your hallways like I am? Every time I see a new All & Sundry post or a new So the Fish Said post or a new Hello, Self post, I just about throw up from excitement. Here is my brain: “Baby?? Baby?? Baby?? Baby?? Baby?? Baby??”

So. *drums fingers*

BABY??

(From the rest of you, I’m hoping for pregnancy announcements.)

Oh! So here I was, thinking diet talk and phobia talk must be REALLY BORING and/or that no one loved me, and instead I find out that it is Blogger or possibly my spam filter who do not love me, because I am supposed to be getting every comment sent to me in an email but OH I AM NOT! I was getting SOME of them–but I thought there were about 20 comments on the breakfast post and about 15 on the underwater largeness phobia post, and I WAS SO WRONG.

Edit: And the blame goes to . . . *opens envelope* . . . spam filter! Almost a hundred messages in my spam folder. NICE. Do you know how many suggestive subject headings I had to wade through to dig all those out? I need a shower.

Lisa, because I yelled at her until she gave in to my demands asked her nicely, wrote this post about something she calls Underwater Largeness Phobia. The instant she called it that in a passing reference (in another post), I knew what she meant. Or I THOUGHT I probably did, and that’s why I hoped she’d write more about it so I could see. And she did, in the post I linked to. And it turns out she and I share a phobia. And now you’re all caught up.

What Lisa and I are wondering is if there are other people who have this–and if so, what it’s called. I started to do some research online, and I found references to it, but (1) nothing helpful, like a name–more like other people mentioning the same phobia, and (2) their descriptions of what they were afraid of were making me gag. (Lisa, skip to the next paragraph; I’m about to give examples.) Huge tree trunks under water. The underwater workings of flume rides. Huge boulders under water. Seriously: gagging and feeling horrified/hot/sick.

For me, it is basically a fear of Large Things that are Under Water. (You can see why I thought Lisa’s name for it was so apt.) One of the worst things I ever saw (sorry, Lisa, it’s more examples) was the cover of a Jaws paperback: the swimmer balanced on the surface of the water, the huge shark coming up from underneath, and so much water still below the shark. I also look away if a movie shows a submarine coming up to the surface: all the water running off the sides FREAKS ME OUT.

My sister-in-law Anna and I are doing this diet together. This is what we did about 2 years ago, before her wedding to my brother. We’ve both tried dieting separately since, with no luck. Perhaps we are the Dieting Wonder Twins, and must combine our powers in order to use them?

Last night I emailed her and said that my day had gone almost TOO well, and she emailed back that hers had gone the same.

What is WITH us? Do you think we will PAY and PAY BIG later for our easy start? Last time we did this, I spent the first three days in an almost-psychosis, scribbling tearfully in my journal and feeling like I couldn’t go on. This time, my mind would wander to something yummy and I would say to myself dismissively, “Stop thinking about food,” and I would obey.

Today is going well again. I saw my tummy while getting dressed, and I thought briskly, “No need to worry—I’m doing something about it” instead of my former thoughts which were more like “OMG MUST DO SOMETHING!!! WHY AM NOT DOING SOMETHING??? WHY IN FACT HEADING FOR COOKIES TO SOOTHE TROUBLED EYES???”

What are your feelings about BREAKFAST? Do you think that skipping it means (1) you’re not burning any calories yet, and (2) that you’ll have harder-to-control hunger attacks later on? Or do you think that eating it when you’re not hungry is (1) a waste of calories that would be better used later on, and (2) starting up the tummy’s demands too early in the day?

I lean more toward the latter, but I worry about the former. I also lean toward thinking that people’s bodies are different on this as on every other food/eating/dieting/exercise issue, and so what is ABSOLUTELY TRUE for one person might not be true for another.