The employee pep rallies they have, the degrading ones where the employees are forced to “Give me a W! Give me an A!” etc., clapping and yelling how much they love working at Wallllllmart, every single day. How many days could you do that before you brought in a squirt gun and started using it?
They raise a price briefly, then “rollll it back” and brag about it: “We’re rolllling back prices allll over the store!” Uh huh. Those crackers WERE $2, until a week ago when you marked them up to $2.47. Then you rolled them back to $2. Wow, you do rock.
If something is marked “rolllled back,” it’s highly likely it’ll ring up at the pre-rolllled-back price. I’ve shopped at three different Walllllmarts in three dramatically different parts of the country, and they’ve all been the same. If it says “$1.50! Was $2.78!” it might ring up at $1.50 or it might ring up at $2.78. I try to keep an eye on things when they’re being rung up, but I’m usually distracted by the kids.
If something is “30% more free” on the packaging, Walllllmart will often have it at a higher price—i.e., the extra is NOT free. If the 10-ounce one is $1.00, and the “30% more free!” 13-ounce one is $1.25, that is not 30% free, that is 30% for 25 cents. I know not everyone is good at math, but I have tried to explain this to SEVERAL Wallllmart employees (including, in one case where I was there without children and highly determined, the STORE MANAGER), and NONE of them understood what I was talking about, except for ONE perfume-counter worker who instantly grasped the situation—and then couldn’t get her manager to understand. (Her manager kept saying, “Yes, but see this is a THIRTEEN-OUNCE. That’s why it costs more. It’s a larger size.” And she and I would say in unison, “But is says the part that makes it ‘larger’ is supposed to be FREE.”)
It is often difficult to find the prices on things. Shelf tags will be missing.
When you can find prices, the unit prices are unhelpful. One kind of vegetable oil will give the price per ounce, one will give the price per liter, one will give the price per gallon, and one will give the price “per each.”
They will be out of something for months at a time. On every visit, the shelf space will still be there, empty. They are unable to tell me when—if ever—they will be getting more. It is out of their hands: they are merely conduits for the Delivery Gods. They’ll be getting a truck in on Thursday; I could check back then. I understand that they don’t have stone tablets telling them of each Twix bar that will be delivered and at what minute of what day. But I would like them to DO something about it if they haven’t received a shipment of Twix in three months. The empty shelf space is not good for either of us.
The employees put pallets and carts in all the aisles, so that you can get trapped: every way out is blocked, and the only way out is the way you came—halfway across the store. In an emergency, where they run out of pallets, they will fling their own bodies in front of your cart.
Their bags rip. Sometimes the clerk goes through a couple ripped ones just bagging things up. The others rip in the car, or while I’m carrying things into the house. I once had three glass jars of jam fall to the basement floor as I carried the groceries down to put them away. Astonishing mess.
Their bags shed choking-hazard-sized ovals of plastic, just perfect for a baby to inhale. I panic every time I forget to bring my reusable bags with me and have to use those horrible dangerous plastic bags. Other stores use plastic bags and manage not to shed those little shapes.
If I hear it called “Walllly’s World,” as if it’s a fun and happy amusement park, I’m getting out the squirt gun.
