Author Archives: Swistle

Boring! Feel Free to Skim!

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I feel like I have so much to tell you! And yet, so much of it is kind of boring!

For example: I’ve started taking B-Complex, as an experiment. We’ll see if it improves mood/energy/metabolism. I’m guessing I should take it in the morning, instead of in the evening with the rest of my vitamins.

Also: Paul purchased and installed a new toilet seat. The old one was worn down to the wood in places from the potty-training seat we’ve had installed since 2001. It is so nice to have a brand-new shiny white seat. I think the screws need to be loosened, though, because when I put down the toilet seat the lid came slamming down with it.

And: I gave Henry his first haircut. (My left hand is curled oddly because I’m collecting hair for the baby book.)

We put TV on to distract him, can you tell? I think I cut his hair too short, but Paul likes it.

I also gave haircuts to all the other boys, including Paul. I don’t like to cut hair but I CAN, and it saved us $60 plus tip, not to mention the tremendous hassle of bringing everyone in carefully-planned shifts to the barber shop. I plan to siphon that $60 out of the budget without mentioning it to anyone, so let me know if you think of any good little luxury products to spend it on.

Now who is going to cut MY hair? It needs it badly. You know how some cuts grow out into a series of different styles, and other cuts grow out into something that looks like you haven’t had a haircut since high school? My last cut was the latter.

I bought some Tide with Febreze. It cost more than any laundry detergent I’ve ever bought, so all I can say is it better be GREAT. I’m still not happy with the way our laundry smells, even though Paul cleaned the drain pipe on the washer and said in a nauseated tone of voice that that DID appear to be the source of the problem. I suspect there’s lingering scent residue on the clothes.

And I bought a refill for the long-empty Glade Plug-in, because our house is really smelling like Cat, and that’s not a situation likely to change in, er, natural ways for a few more years. I know some of you are all ANTI-TOXINS and so forth, but it sure smells nicer now. Like toxin lavender instead of like toxin cat.

I found Elizabeth some dinosaur sheets. They’re really cute. I bought them at the same place where I didn’t buy the $300 dollhouse headboard, and at $11 they were an easier decision to make. I’ve looked at dinosaur sheets for her before, but they always look kind of….um, ugly. These sheets are nicer: an antiquey/vintage look, and the dinosaurs are more like pastel watercolor sketches. I wish I could find a photo online, because that doesn’t sound very pretty. Oh! I know! They’re like “classic Pooh” as opposed to “Disney Pooh.”

I tried Newman’s Ginger-Os, which are like Oreos made out of ginger snaps. Report: pretty good, but not causing cravings for more.

I replaced our old white-vinyl-coated shower caddy: the white vinyl had cracked and the metal underneath had rusted. It’s been like that for, um….several years. I love it so much. I feel like it single-handedly remodeled our bathroom. It’s just like this one, except brushed metal instead of shiny:

And Paul purchased and installed two new windowshades to replace the ones in the nursery we’ve been planning to replace for SEVEN YEARS. I hope it doesn’t lower us in your esteem to find out what terrible, terrible procrastinators we are. This isn’t some kind of isolated incident: we’re like this about EVERYTHING. For example, right now I have a rear windshield wiper replacement blade sitting in the car, and I feel like I am doing really well to have already bought it, even though the rear windshield wiper blade broke only last winter when I was scraping ice. I’ll get around to installing it, I WILL.

Running and Headboard

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I tried running again last night. Nope, still hate it. The thing I hate most about it is the time it takes in addition to the running part: the changing clothes, the stretching, the cleaning up afterward. I can make myself give up 30 minutes of free time to exercise, but not the hour it actually takes. Too bad, body. You lose.

Do you like this “dollhouse” headboard?

I came VERY CLOSE to buying it for Elizabeth yesterday. It was $300 down from $1500. But $300 is still $300 even if it’s “down from,” and that price doesn’t include the frame (just the headboard itself), and it’s HUGE for her small room (it’s 5’4″ tall), and those cubbies would look cluttered unless they were carefully and decoratively arranged, and she probably wouldn’t want it anymore once she was in middle school, so…. Well, it was a hard decision.

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Emblita’s External Monologue is showing TWO gifties she got, and starting TWO new contests.

Amy Quarry is starting a new contest. She’s the one who did that awesome handbag for the Guess Swistle contests, the one we were all fighting over.

3Giraffes is starting another new contest—they’re in a loop!

Celebrity Relationships I Would Feel Sad About, If They Split Up

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My friend Firegirl and I periodically discuss celebrity relationships we feel emotionally invested in—the ones where we would feel actual, genuine sadness in our hearts if the relationship dissolved, despite the fact that these are CELEBRITIES and we DO NOT IN FACT KNOW THEM. Here’s my list:

  • Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
  • Heidi Klum and Seal
  • Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy
  • Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Guest
  • Sting and Trudie Styler
  • Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward
  • Rosie O’Donnell and Kelli Carpenter
  • Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
  • Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan
  • Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani
  • Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins
  • Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  • Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon
  • Courtney Cox and David Arquette
  • Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson

It’s hard to THINK of all the celebrity relationships, though. I added Heidi Klum and Seal JUST NOW, and yet they’re one of the couples I feel most strongly about—it’s just that they hadn’t yet come to mind when I was just thinking “celebrity couples.” We need some sort of directory of celebrity relationships so we can go through it systematically playing Sad / Not Sad. For example, I could give a flying frock if Jessica Simpson splits up with Tony Romo, or if Mario Lopez splits up with whatever girl he’s currently cheating on.

The one I think I would feel most upset about is Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Ms. Sassy Pants is showing the giftie she got, and starting a new contest.

Midwest Mom is showing the giftie she got, and starting a new contest.

Reader Question: The Bedtime Routine

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Becky writes:

hi swistle!
so, i am reading this whole post about having a second child and why people do it, and how people do it (because with jack’s birthday coming up next week, we are at the point when we said we would start thinking about it) and it got me wondering how you guys get all those kids to bed at night! i mean, i can see the older ones maybe going to bed on their own, maybe, but you have a few young ones there, and had a real tiny baby not that long ago (he is getting so big so quickly it blows my mind!) (my mind is pretty well blown by the fact that i practically have a toddler now though too!). in any case, this is basically another one of those “how do you it?” emails.

And Meredith asked me about the afternoon/dinner/bed schedule ages ago, back when I did the Here’s the Hell How post, and I was all, “Yes, I’ll totally do a post on that! Totally!”—and that was in February and here we are in August.

So. Bedtime routine. Paul gets home from work at around 4:45. He plays with the kids for awhile, and since this is the first time all day there has been more than one adult in the house, I usually use this time to do things that are tricky to handle with one person in charge: looking in the basement for something I’m not quite sure where I put it, washing the dishes, feeding my Facebook pets, eating cookies with no one watching, etc.

Paul usually makes the kids’ dinner; he starts at about 5:10. It has to be done while we’re both home (I can cook on my own with five kids in the house, but only if I can also scream and throw dishes and swig directly from an open bottle of hard liquor), and he likes that chore better than others, so it’s mostly his. It’s something simple: eggs and toast and sausage, or english muffin pizzas, or chicken cut up for dipping in sauces, or chicken and scrambled egg and rice. While Paul cooks, I’m in charge of the other kids, although he’s always got Elizabeth because she likes to help him.

Rob and William are responsible for tidying up before dinner. They’re supposed to basically remove all the day’s Kid Detritus from the main living areas of the house—the rooms we still have to look at after the kids are in bed. Rob and William resent that this means they’re picking up after the younger three, but recently the twins have been able to help some, and also our attitude about this is NOT MUCH SYMPATHY for children who don’t exactly have to work on the farm around here.

When dinner is ready (5:30/5:45ish), whichever parent didn’t cook is in charge of supervising Henry in his high chair, and Paul and I both handle requests for more milk, dropped fork, more food, tattling about who put whose carrots on whose plate, etc. It’s common for one of us to be able to leave for something brief: checking email, cycling laundry, finally using the bathroom without a buddy, etc.—but we both know not to be gone too long, or the other person gets Resentful Feelings.

After dinner, the kids clear their own dishes; I help out if there’s a leftover-food issue to deal with. The parent in charge of Henry (usually me) cleans up Henry and his high chair and swabs at the faces of anyone else who needs it. Sometimes there’s a little loose time here if the kids ate fast or if we had dinner earlier than usual, and in that case if I’m feeling energetic I might give a fast bath (just washing, not playing) to two of the Littles (two is my usual limit per session), but it’s more typical for it to be about 6:00 and time for the getting-ready-for-bed routine.

Paul changes Henry and Edward into their pajamas. Meanwhile, I brush five sets of teeth: I call the kids in one after another, and then go find Henry and make a stab at reaching some of his. After Rob and William have their teeth brushed, they go get themselves into their pajamas. When everyone’s teeth are brushed, I help Elizabeth into her pajamas (she likes to do it “herself,” meaning it takes ten times as long and requires four times as much work from me).

At 6:30, Paul and Rob and William go to Rob’s room, where Paul reads to them. I stay with the younger three. Sometimes they’re playing and I read; sometimes they’re watching TV and I’m at my computer; sometimes they’re playing and I’m fixing my dinner; sometimes I’m reading to them; sometimes I’m handling some sort of last-minute issue (someone needed a bath, someone wanted to try the potty, someone needed a diaper change, someone’s teeth weren’t brushed yet).

At 6:45, I put Edward and Henry to bed. It takes a little over 5 minutes to settle them in with their various things: kisses and hugges, blankies, covers, etc. Elizabeth acts as if she’s another grown-up: wishing them good-night, closing the door, etc.

It hasn’t always been this way, but these days one of us sits with Elizabeth until she falls asleep. This has changed everything around: we used to put Edward and Henry to bed at 7:00, but we start earlier so we can also start earlier with Elizabeth. Paul and I take turns sitting with her. It’s a lottery: some nights she’s asleep in 10 minutes, and some nights it’s 45. The most common is for the parent on Elizabeth Duty to be sneaking out of her room at 7:15 or 7:20.

After their book time with Paul, Rob and William are allowed to stay up—but they have to be playing quietly in the downstairs playroom (a rec room type area with a Lego table, a computer, board games) or in their rooms (well, William’s room has sleeping children in it, so our room is his room if he needs it). They’re allowed to come up for emergencies (blood, fire, burglars, flood) and every half hour to go to the bathroom (which always turns into a “just wanting to say one thing” opportunity), but otherwise they’re not supposed to be underfoot or making demands. On school nights, their “no, really, now you actually have to go to bed” time is 8:30 (non-school nights: 9:00), but then we let Rob read in bed after that and we don’t look carefully at when he turns out the lights: reading = good, and also he’s always had trouble sleeping.

So to sum up: we’re in motion with the dinner/bed routine from about 5:10 until about 6:45; then only one of us is busy until around 7:20; and then we’re both basically free for the evening.

Lorraine’s Pay-It-Forward Contest

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Lorraine writes:

Here is the stuff that the lovely Fiona Picklebottom has gifted to me:

She pegged me right on the money because I am a total stationery addict. I love it all (AND I got to pick my own book too! What a great idea! It’s like a gift certificate and a surprise all in one!)

So my big thanks out to Fiona!

Now, I need to have my own Pay it Forward and I don’t have a site….can I borrow yours? I have a goody bag of Canadian tasties and some Pacific Northwest photo cards. Can we have a little contest?

Indeed! (And I will never be able to say that word again without thinking of Omar on the TV series The Wire.) Leave a comment on this post to enter Lorraine’s contest. It can be any comment, but if you need something to say you can say what the weather’s doing right now where you are. Contest will run through Saturday, August 23rd, noon U.S. Pacific time.

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Other pay-it-forward updates:

Teacher Mom is showing the giftie she got.

Overestimating Your Interest in Flooring at This Hour of the Morning

64 Replies

Elizabeth and I are up pretty early this morning. I’m still having trouble sleeping, and my new radical plan is—wait for it—to get up and go to bed at a consistent time each day. Wake-up time is going to be the time Paul gets up for work, also known as “Dumpster-slam JAM!” in our neighborhood (5:30).

So this explains why I am sitting here with my under-eye bags perched on my cheek-tops, drinking instant orange-flavored cappuccino (predominant flavor still “instant coffee”) and feeling sullen. It does NOT explain why ELIZABETH is up, walking up and down the stairs and singing TMBG’s Never Go to Work. Elizabeth doesn’t like to miss out on any action, so she’s got some sort of monitoring device on me that woke her up just as I sat down with my mug, thinking, “Well, it’ll be fun to play on the computer for awhile, anyway.”

Er, not that every moment with her isn’t a treasure and a joy. But at 5:30 a.m. I’m scheduled to be treasuring the beauty of her eyelashes on her rosy sleeping cheek, not the glory of her piping little voice full of ideas for my time.

I’m feeling more optimistic about the dining room floor. I’d been overwhelmed by too many choices, ranging from $1 a square foot to “why not just forget about your kids’ education and have a nice floor instead?” a square foot. It was too much to consider. I don’t feel happy until the options start narrowing. To make a wall comparison, I’m unhappy in the “Wallpaper, paint, paneling, beadboard, hay?” stage. I feel a little better but still stressed in the “Okay, I’ve decided, it’s paint! But what COLOR?” stage. I don’t perk up until I’m at the “Okay, PINK! Now which SHADE?” stage.

With the dining room floor, the first significant narrowing occurred when I chose fake wood rather than fake stone or fake tile or real wood or real stone or real tile. The second narrowing occurred when I read the August issue of Consumer Reports, and they love Armstrong laminate. And so I love Armstrong laminate, and the only thing to decide now is which kind of wood will it be pretending to be?

Feel free to weigh in! You know, as long as you remember that I am TIRED, and on a HAIR-TRIGGER with stress over this floor thing, and also that I chose those five from a pool of thousands and thousands and so clearly I LIKE them and the only issue is which one is BEST. So no “That looks like my cat barfed and then spread it out in a thin layer to maximize the Bare Foot Contact Zone”-type thing.

If you need to visualize, the dining room borders only the kitchen, which currently has actual bona fide linoleum (it dents! and has asbestos under it! and is supposed to be regularly WAXED!)

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Pay-it-forward updates:

My Life is starting a new contest.

Alice’s Wonderland is showing the giftie she got (she’s got a loop!).

Personality Tests

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I was so interested to read all the answers to yesterday’s We Don’t Know What They Mean personality tests. What I found most interesting was the way it was sometimes so easy to see both sides of the issue equally clearly. Like, with the candy question for example, why would anyone force themselves to eat candy they don’t even like?? That’s CRAZY! What a waste of calories/candy! But on the other hand, how could someone go through and pick out their own favorites, leaving the unbalanced proportions for everyone else, shrugging and saying, “I don’t eat what I don’t like”? That’s AWFUL! That’s so inconsiderate!

Candy assortments drive me crazy with their sweet “have it all!” promises and their “but never quite the way you want it!” follow-ups. I think the answer to that one is that people shouldn’t try to share candy assortments unless they’ve already established that they’re compatible assortment-sharers. In most cases, it’s better for people to buy their own assortments and share the leftovers: there’s a huge difference between “Hey, who left nothing but the Special Darks and Mr. Goodbars???” and “Hey, does anyone want my extra Special Darks and Mr. Goodbars?” This is why it’s so important to marry well. I like the pink, purple, and white jellybeans, and Paul likes the green, orange, yellow, and black jellybeans, and we agree to throw out the red ones. Happiness!

Personality Test #5

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(I don’t know what the answers to any of these MEAN. They just seem like they mean SOMETHING.)

If there’s a bag of mixed candy, do you eat only the kinds you like, leaving the others? Or do you make yourself eat all the kinds?

Personality Test #4

49 Replies

(I don’t know what the answers to any of these MEAN. They just seem like they mean SOMETHING.)

My mom and I each got a free sample of one of those incredibly expensive little Philosophy face serum pods. My mom used hers at the next possible opportunity. I still have mine (it’s been a month), saving it for a special occasion.

Do you use special stuff right away, or do you hoard it? If you hoard, do you hoard until it’s no longer special, or do you just hoard until the next good opportunity?

Personality Test #3

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(I don’t know what the answers to any of these MEAN. They just seem like they mean SOMETHING.)

When you’re just moving the car to a new place in the driveway or if you’re just moving it out of the driveway to the yard (that is, you’re not driving it on the road), do you wear your seatbelt?