OH HEY!! GUESS WHAT I AM DOING?? THAT’S RIGHT I AM DRINKING COFFEE!!

I am trying to learn to like it black, which—character-building, or exercise in futility? It’s not so much a NUTRITION thing, although my “coffees” were getting to be more and more like heated, melted, coffee-flavored ice cream, as it is a CONVENIENCE thing. It is a fair amount of fuss to mess around with….okay, fine, so it’s not all that much fuss to spoon in some flavored coffee creamer. But I was also adding about 1/3rd mug of milk, and I heated that separately in the microwave first, nice and hot but not so hot that it boiled and got an icky skin on it, and then I added the coffee, and then the flavored coffee creamer, repeat for each cup, TRUST ME IT WAS A LITTLE FUSSY.

Seems like we should make some small talk to catch up. Did you, uh, have a good weekend? I DID NOT. I was in a crappy mood for some reason NO NOT PMS, JUST BECAUSE I AM “EXPECTING A VISITOR” DOESN’T MEAN I “HAVE PMS,” and in fact finally I decided that if I was going to feel so foul anyway, I might as well get some HOUSEWORK done. So I…well, I MOPPED. The FLOORS. And I CLEANED THE TOILET.

And of course everything is already dirty again, which just proves my usual contention that cleaning only leads to more cleaning, and that not-cleaning makes more logical sense. But, fine, the top of the toilet tank is still clean, and that does look pretty and shiny I’ll admit. And the floors do FEEL a little nicer under the sock feet. And it was awesome that RIGHT AFTER the floors were dry, the cheese slid off an english muffin pizza onto the floor, and I just picked it up and put it back on the pizza. For about one full minute there, YOU COULD EAT OFF MY FLOORS. And one of us DID! (Not me, though. I gave it to one of the kids.)

Beth writes:

I’m particularly interested in your ongoing contemplation about family size/spacing. I have one perfect (I think) little girl and I think my husband and I feel DONE! I’ve never particularly wanted a big family, and now that she’s here. . . we just don’t feel like we’d like another. We feel complete and well balanced and happy.

Of course this solicits many negative comments from friends and strangers alike, and I wonder if you might ask your readers sometime how they feel if they either are only children or if they have only children. . .

I’d like to hear some positive stories about “only-ies”. . .we feel fine about our choice, but it’s tough sometimes to hear about her “need” for a sibling!

This is such a great idea. I, too, would love to hear Happy Only stories. I hear a lot of negative feedback on my end of the family size spectrum, and I know the only-child peeps get a lot of negative feedback on their end of the spectrum, too. Socially acceptable family size seems to be “No fewer than 2 children, no more than 3 children.”

So let’s hear some GOOD STUFF about having just one child, or about being the only child. And I’m hoping we can do it without it turning into a bashing of OTHER size families.

As promised yesterday, we’re having one more giveaway even though the CPSIA scare has been postponed. I was really glad that the donor was willing to still give this prize, because it’s such a fun one: the artist Rachael Rossman has offered one of her Name Paintings! If you read Dooce, you’ve seen Rachael’s work there.

I think this is a PRETTY SQUEEISH prize, and I don’t know WHY I even DO these giveaways when all they do is make me ENVIOUS of the winners. But your happiness is my happiness, etc., etc., so let’s do this thing!

The prize is one Name Painting, with, obv, your choice of name. (Tease: the real name of one of my kids is one of the samples.) She’ll paint it to match room decor and interests, too, so, like, you can do a kid’s name in pinks and princesses or in greens and sports or in pinks and sports, or whatever. You could also do it with a surname—it seems like that would make a good gift for parents or grandparents who are hard to buy for. Maybe not in the princess theme, then.

To enter, leave a comment on this post before Sunday, February 8th, at 4:00 p.m. U.S. Pacific time. (Need something to say? You could guess which name is the one that’s the name of one of my kids, but I’m not saying if you’re right or not so that’s kind of an over-tease and maybe you just want to say your favorite color instead.) I’ll choose one random winner to envy.

Oh, whoops, I forgot to draw winners for the second CPSIA giveaway! Part of the reason is that we got a Wii Fit, and I have been VERY BUSY voluntarily allowing a cyber-character to ask me passive-aggressively, “Doesn’t it feel good to use muscles you don’t usually use?” And I’ve been busy feeling crabby every time I look at the little Mii person representing me, which the game has kindly fattened up to my “real” proportions, as opposed to the proportions I gave it when I designed it, making as it did so a little sound effect like in old comedies when two fat men bounce tummies. Thanks, Wii Fit, for keeping me honest! Also: see you in hell!

And I’ve been a little distracted because of THIS: the whole CPSIA thing has been kicked a year into the future! And perhaps by then it will, you know, WORK RIGHT. Or else I’ll meet you back here and we’ll do some more indignantly supportive giveaways, how about that?

And now the third CPSIA giveaway has ALSO ended, so we have tons of winners to pick! Random number generator, TO MY SIDE!

The winner of the Amy Quarry giveaway is Cheryl! Cheryl, I’m emailing you and Amy to put you guys in touch.

Now we need THREE winners for the Charming Maeve contest. The three winners are:

1. Shannon of Living in the Grey!
2. Chez Bacon, of the January 29, 11:09 p.m. comment!
3. Becky, of Totally Serial!

Shannon and Becky, I yoinked your email addresses off your blogs already. Chez Bacon, email me (swistle at gmail dot com) and I’ll put you in touch with Charming Maeve.

Soon I will be posting one more contest for a giveaway I can’t resist doing even though the CPSIA crisis is temporarily averted, because I love the prize so much and the donor has agreed to give it away ANYWAY which is really nice of her. But this means doing more typing, and the kids will be up in MINUTES demanding cereal and clothes and combing and so forth, so that will have to wait for now.

In the meantime, Carrie at Barely Controlled Chaos is doing her own CPSIA giveaway for her Crafty Tuesday feature, and you should totally check it out because I saw her stuff and it is KEY-YOOT. She makes reusable shopping bags and kidlets (kid-sized reusable bags) that make you feel like getting all environmental so you can be cute too.

Every morning I get out the kids’ vitamins. All five kids take a daily multivitamin, and Rob also takes a calcium supplement because he doesn’t drink milk. I’d already streamlined the process somewhat by using the same bottle for anyone who takes the same dose: for example, Elizabeth and Edward both use Elizabeth’s prescription until it runs out, and then they both use Edward’s. Rob and William do the same. Henry is the only one who doesn’t share.

So that’s…four little bottles every morning, which is not exactly the sort of chore that RUINS MY LIFE, but it’s a minor hassle and I have found a pleasing improvement to the situation: I use one of those weekly pill reminder boxes. Last night I put in each compartment two square vitamins (E and E’s), two round vitamins (R and W’s), and a calcium supplement (R’s). This morning I opened the M compartment, tipped the pile into my hand, and went around the table handing them out. Henry’s doesn’t fit into this system yet because his is a liquid, but soon he’ll take a chewable and fit right in with the rest of the crowd.

Not only is this a little quicker, it solves the fuss over who gets which color vitamin: they get whatever is in the box, and I made everyone’s the same color for each day: four orange vitamins for today, four pink ones for tomorrow, etc.

That reminds me, though, of something we started doing early on to reduce the color-choice fuss. When Rob was a toddler, he wanted to CHOOSE, but that led to problems with (1) running out of one color before the other colors, and (2) long agonizing decisions while I stood there holding out my hand with the vitamins in it. So what I started doing was dumping out a little pile of vitamins into my hand, and giving him the one there was the most of. If I had 4 purples, 2 oranges, and 1 pink, he got a purple. If I had the same number of two different colors, I’d dump out a couple more vitamins, or put back a few. This method encourages the colors to come out even, too, which is pleasing to those of us who are firstborn and mathy.

The first giveaway has ended! The winner of the first giveaway for a Whimsical Walney shirt is Chaya, who left the January 27, 2:13 a.m. comment. Chaya, email me at swistle at gmail dot com and I’ll connect you to Whimsical Walney.

Dr. Maureen is showing her pay-it-forward loot and starting a new contest, and because I am SO DIM, I forgot to post about this until the DAY the contest ends, but Maureen is merciful and says she’ll accept comments even after the deadline. Well, not FOREVER. But within reason. And I REALLY suggest you enter, because one of the things in the prize package is going to be a Small Secret that we will be using soon to play a game! And that’s all I’ll say for now.

This is one of those “All the coffee in the world couldn’t…” mornings. But I’m an optimist, so I’m trying the coffee anyway.

I’ve started getting up BEFORE Paul so that I can have some hot water. Upside: hot water! And not having to rush through my shower because Paul used 35 minutes of our shared 40 minutes of getting-ready time! Downside: getting up at five o’clock in the morning, and having my early rising wake the children Every Single Time, so that by eight o’clock I have already logged THREE HOURS of Cherishing Every Moment. Well, 2 hours and 45 minutes, since Paul is technically in charge of the children while I’m getting ready.

It’s unpleasant, and I haven’t adjusted yet to losing the 45 minutes of sleep, but I know, I know, some of you would consider five o’clock SLEEPING IN, and also it’s worth it to avoid starting every day trying to figure out whether my husband doesn’t love me or if he’s just an inconsiderate jerk.

I’m still eating baked oatmeal nearly every morning, and this has led to a canned pineapple kick at our house: the recipe only calls for a little bit, so I was having the kids help me finish off the can before it went bad, and now they’re eating canned pineapple as part of their food rotation. And by the way, not to embarrass anyone, but a Certain Baby has had Certain Issues very much assisted by the addition of pineapple to his diet.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the pineapple. Canned pineapple is packed in unsweetened pineapple juice, and do you know I was POURING IT DOWN THE SINK? I just wasn’t THINKING about it. I’m used to canned fruit being packed in syrup, I guess, and I’m used to draining cans of tuna, legumes, etc. But pineapple juice is YUMMY and made of JUICE! And I have a Certain Baby who is supposed to drink more juice! And also I will note that SOME people enjoy the taste of pineapple juice mixed with vodka after a long day. And stores SELL pineapple juice! For money! But you get about 6 ounces of it FREE in a can of pineapple! This has been a very exciting discovery.

This morning I performed my Wifely Duty, and you can just stop that snickering right now because what you are thinking of is not even in the marriage vows, or at least not the ones I vowed. What I vowed is to continue to be Paul’s wife in sickness as well as in health, so when he woke up making babyish groany “I have a perfectly ordinary headcold but I’m acting more like it’s the end stages of terminal cancer” sounds, I brought him Dayquil and water in bed instead of buying him a one-way ticket for Bucking Fabyville. I rewarded my devotion with a slice of cake in a size known as “Have a little CAKE, why don’t you.”

Today is our third CPSIA giveaway. (Here’s the first and the second.) Charming Maeve is going to give away THREE prizes, one baby shirt of the winner’s choice (I THINK my favorite is “One state, two state, red state, blue state,” but it’s a tough call) to each of THREE (U.S.) winners, so that TRIPLES your chance of winning. To enter, leave a comment on this post by Monday, February 2, 2009, 4:00 p.m. U.S. Pacific time, and I’ll choose (THREE) random winners.

For all of us who DON’T win, Charming Maeve is offering free U.S. shipping on all tees, including women’s tees (also available in my favorite one state two state version). She warns that she has to manually update inventory, and she’ll try to keep up but it’s possible there will be Disappointments if the orders come in quickly. And once CPSIA takes affect on February 10th, she won’t be able to sell the baby shirts anymore, so move fast.

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There is still room in the schedule for a few more giveways, so if you’re an artist/crafter affected by CPSIA or wanting to show support for those affected by CPSIA, email me at swistle at gmail dot com and let me know what you’d like to give away. Don’t be intimidated by the awesomeness of the prizes so far. The prize can be tiny. I’ll handle the giveaway here, and then let you know who to mail the cool swag to.

Oh, good morning!! I am drinking my coffee kind of strong today!! I can’t find my eyelids!!

Today is our second CPSIA giveaway. Yesterday I was trying to figure out a scheme for winning this one myself, because it is by Amy Quarry. Do you remember the package I won from her back in September? ZOMG, as I believe I said at the time. She sent a dress and warmies (leggings made from sweaters) for Elizabeth, both of which are TEH CUTEST, and she sent a bunch of other things (hair thingies! wall thingies! key thingies! thingies to keep thingies in!) that made me marvel afresh at people who are artistic: How do they DO that? How do they know exactly what will look perfect with what? It baffles and impresses me.

Amy isn’t directly affected by the new CPSIA thing (because she’s Canadian, not because she’s an outlaw), but she says she thinks it’s crazy and wants to offer her support. The prize will be a surprise package customized for the winner, but you can check out Amy’s style at her main place, and at her Etsy shop. She’s one of the artists at goodEGG, and you can read her blog, which is about her funny sweetie little girl as well as about projects.

So! Leave a comment on this post by Sunday, February 1st, at 4:00 p.m. U.S. Pacific time. Because I am SO VERY ETHICAL (well, and because Amy would recognize my mailing address), I’ll choose a random winner rather than creating a fake identity and winning the contest myself.

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There is still plenty of room for other giveways, so if you’re an artist/crafter affected by CPSIA or wanting to show support for those affected by CPSIA, email me at swistle at gmail dot com and let me know what you’d like to give away. Don’t be intimidated by the awesomeness of the prizes so far. The prize can be tiny. I’ll handle the giveaway here, and then let you know who to mail the cool swag to.

Perhaps you have heard of this thing where the United States, in an admirable effort to lower the bad stuff like POISONOUS LEAD in children’s products, is passing legislation that, unfortunately, is also going to make it difficult or impossible for some of the art/craft people to stay in business. The painful thing about this is that often the artists/crafters hand-make BECAUSE safe products are important to them, and hand-making is their way of ensuring that.

I’ll tell you right up front that I know VERY LITTLE about this. I have to have “CPSIA” written on a piece of scrap paper next to me or I can’t remember the letters, and I don’t know what the letters stand for….okay, fine, that’s too embarrassing, I’ll look it up. It’s Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act.

As I understand the situation, the CPSIA thing didn’t set out to hurt artists and crafters; it’s more that it didn’t set out to protect them, either, and so the new regulations, intended for large businesses, also affect, for example, a person with a hobby room who makes baby blankets out of carefully-purchased organic cotton, and a person with a workshop who makes baby toys out of carefully-purchased dangerous-chemical-free wood and paint. Do I have that basically right? Is that about the gist of it?

Okay! So, do you remember the Whimsical Walney t-shirt giveaway we did last June? Well, she can’t stay in business because of this CPSIA thing, so all her stuff is 50% off until February 9th when she’s shutting down. You can visit her at Whimsical Walney to see all her cute Use Your Words and Flags of the World kid shirts.

But also. To, uh, commemorate the CPSIA issue, we’re going to be doing a series of giveaways. If you’re a business affected by CPSIA and you’re getting rid of inventory (um, I hope it’s clear I mean inventory NOT saturated with lead or whatevs, but rather inventory that is nice and safe but can’t be sold unless you pay for an expensive test to prove it), or if you’re an artist/crafter NOT affected by the new act but wanting to show support for those artists/crafters who ARE affected, email me at swistle at gmail dot com and let me know what you’d like to give away. I’ll do a giveaway every day or two until popping slows to 2-3 seconds between pops I run out of things to give away, or until we get to February 9th, which is the last day non-CPSIA-tested things can be sold.

Whimsical Walney is first up: leave a comment on this post by Friday, January 30th at 4:00 p.m. U.S. Pacific time, and I’ll use a random number generator to choose a winner. The prize is one Whimsical Walney shirt, your choice of any still in stock.