Last night was poorer quality sleep than I’m used to these days. At 12:30 there was Inexplicable Crying from Elizabeth, the kind where she isn’t wailing but just low-grade crying that doesn’t stop and she won’t answer questions about what’s wrong. I lay down with her for awhile but that didn’t help either, so finally I took her up to our room. Then she stopped crying and went right to sleep, while I lay awake thinking about how my sister-in-law responded that no, she wants to jointly own the house with us AND take half the cash inheritance “for her financial stability,” and she says the good news is we can get a really great deal on a home equity loan to pour money into the money pit.

You will be glad to know that Paul’s comment to me was “Screw that!,” but it still means continuing to deal with this. (We’re going to say, “Okay, then, let’s sell the house as-is, because LIKE BLELL we’re going to have ANOTHER mortgage to pay off, and this one on a house SOMEONE ELSE lives in, and for repairs that will not increase the value of the house by as much as they cost.”) (This will not go over well, I suspect, to someone who would even think to make such a suggestion to begin with.) (And in any case now we have to deal with real estate and Waiting For the House to Maybe Sell, and also with Prying the Sister-in-Law Out of It and so forth.) (Groan.)

So anyway I lay awake for quite awhile, thinking thoughts such as, “Oh, you’d rather do it that way, would you? Wouldn’t we ALL prefer to have someone else pay half our mortgage!!” and “Don’t you realize that if we decline your Awesome Plan you will need to pay RENT elsewhere, and that if you add up those years of rent payments you will get a number that EXPONENTIALLY EXCEEDS the piddling cash inheritance?” and feeling angry at the tone of her email and many of her word choices. And then I fell asleep, and at 4:30 I heard William call out. I went in, and he said he had a really bad headache, and he indicated one temple. I said “Just on one side?” and immediately started the Fret Process (have I heard Something Bad about headaches that are only on one side? or that start at night? or in children this age?). I got him up and gave him some acetaminophen, and this involved going downstairs to see if we had another box of it, but we didn’t, but I was sure we did, so then I went back upstairs to root around in the upstairs bathroom some more, and then finally gave him the liquid kind and put him back to bed. And then I just stayed up, because I was wide awake and would have to get up in an hour anyway. It was a good decision: Henry called out at 5:00, saying he “NEEDA PEE!!”

We have sent our first email to my sister-in-law, suggesting she keep the house (and the car, which it turns out she and Paul already arranged for her to keep) as her share of the inheritance and we keep the cash/stocks as our share. WE SHALL SEE. I did manage to talk Paul out of fixing the roof for her, but he is still being family-weirdness about the whole thing. I was reduced to saying that it is NORMAL for a grown adult to have to pay for housing, and so if she has to get a home equity loan (i.e., a MORTGAGE) to pay for repairs on her house, that will be part of a NORMAL LIFE that includes paying either rent or mortgage, and her mortgage payment will be VASTLY lower than OURS—and he STILL was acting weird about it, like maybe she shouldn’t have to make either housing payments or car payments or ANYTHING? I don’t know.

And if she declines the house, the next step is to say, “Okay, then, let’s sell it.” Maybe some contractor will buy it and do that thing where they fix it up fast with odds and ends of tile and flooring and cover everything with a thick coat of paint in Rental Cream. But I hope it doesn’t come to this, because the thought of trying to EXTRICATE the sister-in-law from the house gives me a headache.

I went to Target today for some therapy. I’ve been a bit of an emotional mess the last few days, and also my jaw is getting sore from the clenching. So it was good timing for a successful/fun Target trip:

This is the crowning glory, so I should really leave it for last but I can’t wait. I’ve been wanting this John Derian print ever since I first saw it for $24.99. Then I saw it for $17.48 and didn’t buy it. Then I saw it for $12.48 and didn’t buy it. Today I saw it for $6.24 and I BOUGHT IT.

This is the crowning glory as far as Elizabeth is concerned: rainbow-sparkle Hello Kitty shoes. These weren’t even on clearance, but they were on sale for $10 down from $14.99. I can’t even explain why I bought them. Oh, of course I can: (1) rainbow (2) sparkle (3) Hello Kitty.

For Henry, a new dinosaur shirt, not on sale but only $5.00, and my policy on dinosaur shirts is “Buy them.” And pants on clearance 50% off, $5.00.

I did not want a little pot of lip balm for $3.44 when I could get something very similar for a dollar. But for $.84, yes I will try antioxidants/E/aloe/chamomile/mint, thank you.

Boring but satisfying: $2.54 tape refill for my chicken, marked down to $.63.

Not a huge clearance, but I have trouble resisting girl stuff: pink patent leather shoes, $6.98 down from $9.99.

Four new hand towels, $.98 each down from $3.99 each.

My favorite shower gel, $2.50 down from $5.00.

Not even on sale, but I’m hoping these foot supporty thingies will help my shins to hurt less when I walk/jog. I have arches that totally flatten when I stand up, and these supports have low, medium, and high snap-ins so you (or rather _I_) can choose the one that feels best.

This set of 4 bowls was only $1.99 to begin with, but it’s pleasing to get them for $.48: we have another set (the yellows/greens set) that we used as berry-picking/outdoors bowls last summer, but there are 7 of us and only 4 bowls, so it’s nice to have more.

Tonight I was out on my walk/jog (or as Erica puts it, my “wog”) and a woman getting her mail said, “I just have to tell you, I see you every day when I’m coming home from work, and I think, ‘I wish I had her determination.'”

Well, goodness. That’s pleasing, isn’t it?

It does take a certain determination to exercise FOR HEALTH, ANYWAY when the body isn’t responding with aesthetic changes, and in fact increases appetite considerably to compensate for the Worrying EXERTION. It takes a certain—and I am just going to come out with the word, even though it’s about myself—BRAVERY, to expose one’s not-aesthetically-perfect body to teenaged boys who drive by in cars yelling out the windows “YEAH, RUN FATTY RUN!!”—and to people who don’t yell it, but think it. It takes a certain deliberately-put-on-despite-not-feeling-it thickness of skin not to give up when it is made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that it nauseates people to see fat people even WALKING ACROSS A ROOM—let alone EXERCISING, my GOD, the SWEAT and the JIGGLING, GROSS!!! Why don’t they just STARVE themselves like NORMAL people??? It does indeed take DETERMINATION to keep exercising when people are saying that if other people were being HONEST they’d be THIN. It takes a certain OOMPH to continue exercising when other people assume that if you’re fat, you never exercise and you don’t know how to eat right.

There is not a lot of positive feedback for people who exercise but do not as a result of it become thin and “fit.” The reaction at first is HIGHLY FAVORABLE (“Oh good, you’re finally working on that problem!”) but if the weight doesn’t come off, the reaction can be aptly described as “Um, points for trying, I guess?”—with the obvious assumption that the person must be eating fast food six times a day to counteract the fitness that would otherwise present itself in the form of an Awesome Bod.

I guess what I’m saying is two things:

1) I’m pissed that “rockin’ abs” is considered wayyyyy better than “determination.”

2) I’m nevertheless so pleased to get praised for “determination.”

This feels “too personal for internet,” but it seems SO ESSENTIAL for advice-giving purposes on the SIL/house situation. I’ve seen the appraisal on Paul’s mother’s house, and it’s $25,000. That’s in as-is condition and includes the land.

Oh, I am SO enjoying your input on the SIL/house situation. Each and every comment is like a soothing salve. A balm! Some sort of medicated ointment!

And it’s SO helpful to hear all the different angles laid out so clearly.

********

Cat love continues:

He’s resting his head on her fluffy tail. Her back paws are getting all up in his grill, but he doesn’t mind.

Much different body language in this scene. Mouse’s body language communicates: “I should NOT have to share my favorite chair but DANGED if I’m going to be kept off of it.” Feather’s communicates oblivion of any political issues, but on the other hand she’s keeping her tail to herself. Possibly her paw pads are chilly.

Okay, I’ve been thinking. The house Paul owns with his sister is in very poor shape. VERY poor shape. When Paul went there for the funeral, he said he was advising his sister to move out for SAFETY, and he estimates nothing’s been repaired or maintained since his dad left his mom two decades ago. Let that sink in a minute. TWO DECADES. Furthermore, it’s in an area of the country with extremely low cost-of-living, and real estate prices are very low anyway there.

So let me run something by you: Would it be CRAZY to just GIVE his sister the house? On one hand, this is wildly unfair to us. On the other hand, it is ALSO wildly unfair to have her live there year after year, possibly driving the house’s condition even further into the ground, while sending us bill after bill for half the repairs (including, for starters, REPLACING THE ROOF), and then eventually we sell it and after taxes and agency fees get enough money to mayyyyyybe make up for the money we contributed to repairs.

If we give her the house, we can cut it loose: we don’t have to worry about taxes, or repairs, or insurance, or ANYTHING. She can live there without us having to be connected to it, and she can pay for the repairs herself. We never have to think about it again. And, Paul can stop thinking of me as a Heartless Money-Hungry Fritch for suggesting his sister NOT live there rent-free while we pay half for repairs.

If the two options were (A) sell the house and split the cost, or (B) give her the house, I would obviously not even be considering Option B. But instead the two options seem to be (A) grind my teeth to nubs with frustration as she lives there for free and we PAY money into an asset we may or may not ever see half of, IN ADDITION to paying to maintain our OWN house, or (B) give her the house.

Tell me what you think. This is a good time for frankness. Paul and I have been having tense email exchanges all day, and I suspect a decision will soon be made because neither one of us wants to talk about it any more than we have to.

Oh, hey, can I pick the internet’s collective brain? Does anyone know the tax implications of owning half a house in another state? Because Paul’s sister is apparently just going to continue living in their mom’s house for free, but charging us half for repairs, and TRUST ME THAT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH WHATEVER YOU ARE GOING TO SAY ABOUT THAT AS LONG AS IT’S EXTREMELY NEGATIVE AND USES WORDS LIKE “CRAZY” AND “STUPID,” BUT I HAVE TRIED TO GET PAUL TO HANDLE THIS AND HE IS DECLINING TO DO SO, SO WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THINGS AS THEY ARE RATHER THAN AS THEY SHOULD BE.

I know when I do OUR taxes, there are several house-related things, but it’s a house in our own state and we own it and we don’t share it with someone else (well, except the bank). What about this other house, which we don’t live in and share ownership of? There’s no mortgage on it.

Doing My Best pointed out this great Groupon deal: $50 worth of Zazzle stuff for $25. I’m subscribed to Groupon but haven’t done any of the deals yet and am not quite clear how it works, but I’ve processed that you only have one day to buy the coupon, and I guess you pay up front and then redeem it later?

Anyway, I guess I will learn how to do it, because I need more stuff with my name on it. And if you’ve been thinking YOU need stuff with YOUR name on it, this is the moment.

AND there’s free shipping on $50+ through October 28st with code FREESHIPFORU. I don’t know if it works if your $50 worth of stuff costs $25, though.