Empathetic Happiness

I am feeling empathetically sad today: something sad happened to someone else, and I keep thinking about it and feeling sad. I was wondering if we could balance that with some empathetic happiness. Maybe you have a treat tucked away for later and you have been thinking about it happily. Maybe your tulips are coming up / about to open. Maybe you have something good on its way in the mail, either from you or to you. Maybe you have something fun you’re looking forward to. You could tell me! And then I can feel happy about that with you.

82 thoughts on “Empathetic Happiness

  1. Susan

    I’m sorry for whatever is making you sad.

    My anticipated happiness is that we are done being vaccinated, and our adult daughter has somehow also managed to get the vaccine, so we are looking forward to seeing her very soon! We will still be very careful, but HUGS ALL AROUND.

    Also, I’ve been on an online buying spree, and this week alone, I have gotten (or am awaiting): Two clothing items from LL Bean, including long-backordered soft pants; a new showerhead; a long handled duster for my high ceilings and dusty high corners; a huge wind chime with a very low, soothing tone; a large cat litter mat to (let’s hope) reduce the amount of litter scatter; some exercise bands.

    Reply
    1. BSharp

      Oh, wow. I’m sorry for your loss, and rejoicing in your joy. Wishing you every blessing. Reddit’s ttcafterloss was a great comfort to me when we went through loss.

      Reply
  2. Brooke

    I don’t have work tomorrow, so tonight I am going to stay up late to catch up on my guilty pleasure, Gray’s Anatomy, while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s I have squirreled away in the veggie drawer of the freezer where my 3 teenagers won’t find it.

    Reply
  3. Nicole MacPherson

    I’m sorry to hear that.

    I checked out the first season of The Wonder Years from the library, and honestly, what a lovely little show that was. I am also reading a really good book, I currently have a cup of coffee, I am about to go out for a run in the suddenly lovely morning – we have had gross wind lately – and…hmmm. Let me see. Oh yes! I know. I chopped up mini-eggs and put them in homemade vanilla ice cream, which the boys loved, and I am going to make those little chocolate-coconut nests to put some in as a fun treat this weekend.

    Hope that helps. xo

    Reply
  4. Sarah

    I’m a little hesitant to share, since I don’t want to make anyone feel bad by comparison, but our state opened vaccinations to 16+ this week and yesterday my 17 year old got his first shot! It means so much more to me than even my vaccination did.

    Reply
    1. Becky

      Ours too, my 18 year old got her first shot yesterday as well! It was only the third time I’ve been in a “big box” store since March 2020 – first was Target for an online pick up that I messed up and didn’t hit curbside, second was the grocery story pharmacy for my vaccine, and then third was the same pharmacy for hers. We walked around a little bit, checked out the floral section, and picked up dinner from the deli. It was the most normal I’ve felt is soooo long, it was fabulous.

      Reply
  5. Liz

    Hugs to you and to the person for whom you are feeling sad.

    I am SUPER EXCITED because my husband and I are fully vaccinated and we are going to see my (also fully vaccinated) parents a week from tomorrow!!! I haven’t seen any of them in person since a year ago January and my stepdad had a stroke a year ago (recovered fully) and I JUST NEED TO HUG THEM ALL.

    I’ll also be seeing my (unvaccinated) son, who I haven’t seen in person since August, but we will not be hugging. ALAS.

    Reply
  6. DoingMyBest

    Reading the comments on yesterday’s post about people’s experiences getting vaccinated gave me such a feeling of hope! Tomorrow, two of my children get their first shots!

    Also yesterday, a person I don’t know well who knows that I have a difficult situation going on right now, brought by a cheery little bag with a couple treats and some pampering items and a supportive note, and another person I don’t know well sent a card with another supportive, handwritten note! I was grateful they reached out, even though we wouldn’t consider each other close friends. Several people I know a little better have sent supportive care packages or a surprise or two.

    Recently, when I was walking around my neighborhood, I stopped by the mailbox of a lady who was doing some yard work to ask her what the pretty, little blue flowers were that were growing in her flower beds (because they appear to be a kind that comes up every spring and I would love to plant some in my yard). She looks like she’s in her 70’s, and, as we chatted a little, she mentioned that she came from a large family, and when she was in high school her mother got pregnant for the last time and it turned out to be triplet girls! And they were all healthy and came home from the hospital with their mother, even way back then! Possibly weird, but this made me retroactively empathetically happy for that family!

    Reply
  7. Jana

    My daughter just found out that she earned what amounts to an almost full-ride to a nearby university. It wasn’t her first choice (that was Tulane and hello…$$$$), but she’s warming up to the local school and is excited to have enough left over in her college fund for grad school. I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of all of our shoulders!

    Reply
    1. gwen

      That is amazing! I also took a full-ride to my not necessarily first choice school and not being saddled by debt has been the biggest gift. You can get an amazing education and have a great experience anywhere, as long as you are open to it. Best of luck to you and your daughter!

      Reply
      1. Jana

        Aw, thanks so much! I’m so glad to hear that being debt-free was worth it. It’s hard for a seventeen year old to understand that concept!

        Reply
    2. Jessemy

      Yes, my family is paying off Tulane degree and a Texas A&M degree and the burden is substantially lighter for the land grant debt. Excellent choice.

      Reply
  8. Lisa Ann

    I FINALLY got to play with my 1.5 YO nephew — I hadn’t seen him since he was 2 months old! I even snuck in a couple of kisses and he didn’t cry!

    Reply
  9. Liana

    I rescued a Great Dane two weeks ago, which was a big deal because I already have one Great Dane AND a stout pitbull terrier (my princess). The dog was in bad shape, severely dehydrated and starving for both food and attention. Two weeks later he has been completely vetted, gained weight, and looks like a brand new dog, and he’s so happy and fits right in to our clan. My husband agreed that we could keep him, so I’m currently sitting here in dog heaven! :)

    Reply
  10. juliloquy

    Sorry about the sad thing.

    My happy thing is I’m turning 52 in 2 weeks, and I counted backwards and started posting one photo for each birthday, correlating it with a playing card (so by the time I reach my birthday, I’ll be “playing with a full deck,” lol). It’s been a fun journey of self-love and nostalgia. I posted them on Facebook and also my blog: https://juliloquy.typepad.com/juliloquy/

    (Maybe I’ll actually start writing in my blog again.)

    Reply
  11. Portia

    My 1-year-old started saying “hi” this week and now she says it to everything and everyone she sees, accompanied by a cheerful wave. She says it to our dog when she comes into the room, she said it when she saw her dad walk by during a diaper change, and she leaned ardently out of her stroller to say it to an elderly couple across the street. It’s really delightful.

    Also, my dad and stepmom, who have only seen her twice, are coming tonight to spend Easter weekend with us! They and my husband are fully vaccinated (I’m halfway there!), and it is so so nice to be able to casually say “hey, do you want to come visit?” without worrying that I’m endangering their elderly lives. And the weather is supposed to be gorgeous this weekend, and my garden is lush and glorious (we’re in Texas), and I’m excited to sit out on the deck and sip cocktails with grownups who will help keep an eye on the marauding child.

    Reply
    1. R

      The little toddler who says Hi to everyone totally just made my day.

      It would be even better if I could borrow her for the day. We could walk around looking for people to say Hi to. But that’s okay, I will just imagine doing that and see how long I can keep this smile on my face.

      Thank you for sharing!

      Reply
  12. Katie

    I’m getting my first shot today! And I’ve ordered my favorite cookies from Levain Bakery to celebrate. I’ve been dreaming of these cookies for more than a month for some reason. They’ll be arriving tomorrow to help perk me up in case of side effects.

    We quarantined for two weeks so I got to bubble up with my vaccinated parents this week for spring break and it was so nice to sit and have a cup of coffee with my dad after dinner last night that I’m getting misty with happy tears just thinking about it. His health declined a lot this year but he looked so good and relaxed and relatively healthy.

    This comment section is such a little lift.

    Reply
  13. Kathryn Beckett

    I am currently spending 5 days with my beloved sister who I had not seen in over a year (all members of both households are fully vaccinated.) Seeing and staying with her is the best part but having a break from family and duties at home is a not insignificant perk!

    Reply
  14. Amy

    I’m in the process of buying my first home and the inspection was yesterday and went unexpectedly Very Well!

    And I’m a nanny for a baby with food allergies and his blood work just came back from the allergist and it turns out he’s only allergic to 2 foods instead of the 6 they suspected!

    Reply
  15. ccr in MA

    So many happy things here! I hope it helps your mood as much as it helps mine.

    Mine is that I recently got some yarn in a rainbow of colors and I’ve decided that just because I have a bunch of other projects going, that doesn’t mean I can’t start a project with this yarn now. It is so pretty, and I want to play with it!

    Reply
  16. Emily

    Yesterday I got a curbside pickup order and it was perfect! (Everything in stock, no substitutions). I also found a $5 off coupon which made it even better.

    I have planned a trip to visit my parents in May by which point we and they will be fully vaccinated

    Everything in my garden is waking up and blooming

    And this weekend is easter which is my favorite religious holiday :) it always feels so hopeful to me.

    Hugs and prayers for you and your friend!

    Reply
  17. Matti

    April contains the birthdays of all three of my children (12, 10, 7), so it’s officially Birthday Month! I have presents hiding in closets like it’s Christmas, and since it’s their second birthdays in the pandemic, I may have over bought a bit, but that’s fine. Also, my parents and husband are now both fully vaccinated, and I’m half vaccinated, so we should be able to actually see my parents for the kids’s birthdays.

    In addition, we’re late to the pandemic pet party, but have an approved application, and we’re now officially on the list at the local SPCA to adopt a young cat/kitten when one becomes available. We’re just waiting for the phone call, and the idea that any day could just randomly be THE DAY is pretty fun and exciting. We even have a boy and girl name picked out and ready to go since we don’t know what we’ll be getting. Now that I write it all out like this, I’m seeing that it’s kind of like preparing for the birth of a baby, and I don’t hate the comparison :)

    Reply
  18. Lilly

    It is one month until my (postponed due to Covid and also much smaller than initially planned) wedding. I can’t wait to see my beautiful bride in her full wedding finery, and I’m so excited to float around like a beautiful pastel rainbow!

    Reply
  19. Heather

    I am fully vaccinated as is my father. I got to see him this week and HUG HIM and KISS HIM!!!!!

    AND, as I am fully vaccinated (did I mention that), I’m going to Boston to see my college age daughter tomorrow! By law, I can visit for two days without worry of quarantine!!!!!

    Saw a FB post today. The quote was attributed to Tolstoy but who the hell knows…when you feel pain, you are alive. When you feel the pain of others, you are a human being.

    Reply
  20. Andrea

    I have a happy secret: I’m pregnant and have told no one yet besides my spouse and the doctor’s office!

    Reply
  21. gwen

    We sold our house! and after a truly frightful inspection experience (100+ year old house) we are going forward with the sale. That’s the happy news – we are trying to find a place to rent in Concord, NH, that’s our anxiety news!

    Reply
  22. Anna

    This is a little circular, but I am happy for you getting your first shot! And pleasantly jealous, everything in my area is booked up. I’m on the county wait list and I think once they ramp up the mass site, that’s going to be my shot, er, my chance.

    Happy things, happy things… oh! Hubby got a pleasant surprise this morning, his boss is giving his team Friday off, because they have been working really hard toward a milestone on their project. This time is MUCH NEEDED, because we just moved and there is a ton still to unpack. So it’s not like we’ll be relaxing, but at least we will be not-relaxing together.

    Reply
  23. Melissa H

    Many happy things today!
    –I get my SECOND Pfizer shot today, like you it went from “never, never, never” to “how about this Thursday?” on the turn of a dime. Hooray
    –the weather in Northern California is just perfect right now. Sunny, warm, birds chirping, flowers blooming perfect (apologies to those where it is still very wintery!)
    –My eldest is housesitting for friends in our neighborhood but realized she doesn’t quite like housesitting alone (she is 15) so she has invited her 9 year old brother over EVERY night to have a sleepover/provide company and hubby and I have the house to ourselves. Incredible after a year of much, much togetherness :)

    Reply
  24. Yolihet

    I love all these comments and hope they’re working for you!
    Yesterday I received a great review at work and my boss told me she agreed with everything said, which made me do a happy dance. One thing is knowing you give your best but it’s very rewarding when others said so.
    Also, I have tomorrow off and my plan is eating yummy pastries I ordered and reading all day, much needed break.
    And my parents, sister and myself are done with our first vaccine dose and that’s a huge relief.

    Reply
  25. Corina

    These comments are a joy! I’m empathetically happy for all of you! Happy things: I’m starting to plan bathroom refresh projects for this spring/summer. My mom lives with me and we were hoping to completely gut our only bathroom, so we haven’t done any of the little things we could do to make it better because “what’s the point?” But we’ve admitted to each other that we simply don’t have the fortitude to find and deal with contractors ripping apart our ONLY bathroom right now, or possibly ever, so to hell with it. We’re going to change the things we can do ourselves so we don’t hate the bathroom anymore. (It has CEDAR PANELED WALLS! IT IS SO DARK AND GLOOMY! And now we’re going to paint and it will be less gloomy! And replace the light fixture that probably cost $10 40 years ago! And the medicine cabinet that was definitely used when it was installed 40 years ago.) So thinking about paint colors and shopping online for light fixtures is giving me a ridiculous amount of joy.

    On Saturday I will be two weeks out from my first Moderna shot so approximately 80% protected, whatever that means. YAY! Today is two weeks after my mother’s second shot, so she’s now as protected as she can get. YAY!!!!!

    Reply
  26. sooboo

    My art sales have been through the roof lately. I also recently sold two paintings to a movie star! I’m wrapping up a big project and I’m so looking forward to a couple of days binge watching shows, reading books in my hammock and trying out my new air fryer. I haven’t had a day off this year.

    Reply
    1. DrMaureen

      80% efficacy does not mean 80% immune, it means 80% less likely to get it. Which is BETTER, so I wanted to clarify for you. It is VERY VERY GOOD. :)

      Reply
  27. Mary

    How about a joy about learning something new? My winter happiness was learning to ski. In my mid-40s I wasn’t sure I still had the gumption to learn something so physical. In fact, I injured myself last year trying to do too much too fast and was a bit afraid to try again. This year I took lessons for 7 weeks and got kinda decent at it. So much fun to zip down the hill! Can’t wait to pick it back up next winter!

    Reply
  28. KC

    My plant desk is crammed *absolutely full* of sprouts and seedlings and pots of dirt and seed which will be sprouts soon, *and* some of them will be going to their new home today [a family with five kids is doing their first garden this year!!!] so I get to plant even more! AND every time the tomato plants get watered, I can smell the plants and think “sun-warmed garden tomatoes in two or three months!” and it is so lovely.

    Oh, also, one of my geraniums is flowering (all the regularly-scheduled houseplants are currently on a Plant Desk Annex, that is how many sprouts and seedlings and whatnot I’ve got going on). My geraniums are perpetually off-season, and it is just so fun and random when they decide to flower.

    *AND* as of tomorrow I will be fully vaccinated (two weeks out from my second shot) and will be able to safely get PT. *AND* I got a flu-y reaction to the second shot, which was really really reassuring since my immune system does not always get the memo that it is supposed to *attack* threats rather than being chummy with them. AND the xkcd https://xkcd.com/2425/ gave us happy language about feeling slightly cruddy post-vaccination: “I’m building my Death Star!” which is both “this mild unpleasantness is productive!” and also just delightfully ridiculous, which helps when one is feeling slightly cruddy.

    Also I get to send out a birthday box this month, although I have not made as much wrapping-things progress as I would like to have made. But! Birthday box!

    Reply
    1. ccr in MA

      My brother sent me that xkcd, and it got him musing that the vaccine is like a fire drill, preparing your system so it knows what to do if there’s a fire. Pretty clever analogy, I thought!

      Reply
  29. Suzanne

    Swistle, I’m so sorry to hear about the sad thing. What a wonderful way to counteract the blue feelings — these comments are so delightful!

    Reply
  30. Lora

    I’m getting ready to leave for the post office to mail a package of crinoid fossils (that I found in creeks near me) in a jar to my friend. She’s as obsessed with fossils as I am!

    Reply
  31. Trudee

    The same thing happened to me this week (a devastating thing happened to a friend), so I’m appreciating all these comments. Also my boss gave us early leave today so I can do hobbies for two hours before I get my kids. Yay! I also found the perfect thing to make for my friend to hopefully allay some of the sadness. Makes me feel less powerless in a sad situation.

    Reply
  32. Maureen

    I am glad someone else gets empathetically sad!

    Two bits of happy news over here:
    1. There have been massive early education budget cuts in my province (not the happy part). I was worried that my daughter would fall between the cracks of “not severe enough to receive funding” but “actually severe enough that we will want to pay out of pocket for supports before she enters kindergarten”. She was recently tested, and JUST MADE IT into the funded early education program. :)

    2. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. But I organized my thoughts, and MADE A LIST. And I am slowly CROSSING THINGS OFF the list. It feels good. :)

    Reply
  33. Lindsay

    My daughter got invited to an outdoor birthday party celebration for a girl in her virtual school class. First time she will meet these kids irl – masks and social distancing will happen. I am over the moon.

    Reply
  34. Jenny

    After over a year of things getting worse and worse from an admin standpoint at my husband’s job, he started looking around for new jobs. And today he received formal offers from two different companies that he’s excited to work for. He feels valued and appreciated, and gets to leave his frustrating company. So happy!

    Reply
  35. Gigi

    I love each and every comment and am happy for all this joyful news. And am empathetic with you on the sad news.

    I am happy to report every one in our family of three has had the first dose of the vaccine and The Husband and I can start looking to book our second appointment tomorrow!

    Reply
  36. Maree

    It is my daughter’s birthday this weekend. She is delighted to share her birthday with Easter and keeps talking happily about other similar birthdays. “Remember that year you put little eggs and baby chicks on my cake!!”. “Remember when I had an egg hunt on my birthday!”. It is lovely that she is so excited about quite small things.
    Her birthday treat is to erect a tent in the yard and have a small campfire to toast marshmallow. The thought of the Easter Bunny visiting a tent is delightful and exciting to her. Her happiness is very contagious and even melting the cranky exterior of the teenager who isn’t as charmed by the plans. She is busily writing invitations (for her siblings only) and baking cookies to put in the gift bags that she decided to make. I wish they could stay 10 forever….

    Hugs to everyone having a hard time. Also, can’t believe I’ve been reading for over ten years…nothing shows the passing of time like the growth of a child.

    Reply
  37. Angela L

    After months of stress, we closed on our first house on Tuesday! We have 4 kids and it’s in a cul-du-sac! It’s within walking distance of the school they already go to! We only have neighbors on one side, and the other side is a beautiful greenbelt! I was so anxious because the market here in Texas is so insane, I still can’t believe how wonderful it is and that we got it and it’s ours!!

    Reply
  38. Mandy

    My husband and I will be fully vaccinated in two weeks, and at the end of the month my (vaccinated!) in-laws are watching our kids for two nights so we can take our first weekend away in over a year.

    Reply
  39. Kate

    These comments though have been a joy to read!

    I’m enjoying watching my 12 year old plan for backyard chickens, now that she’s gotten the neighbors to sign off on her permit. She’s over the moon excited and it’s amazing to see her take the initiative for something she wants and carry it through!

    Also super excited to see my mother for Easter, now that she’s vaccinated!

    Reply
  40. JMV

    I stood in line for a Honey Baked ham today – Thur (2 full days of shopping left before Easter. Around 1 p.m. they stopped taking online orders because They Were Going to Sell Out TODAY. This is such great news. This is a sign that families and friends are getting together to celebrate again. I’m so very pleased.

    We are having a big party for Easter. We are doing a sit down, fancy lunch with friends who are vaccinated and/or fine with the high risk of indoor eating. We are then having more people join us for outdoor yard games. I bought ridiculous, Easter sacks that will likely only be used once because they have a bunny printed on them. My daughter and I made a piñata. There will be egg-on-spoon races.

    My 7 yo and I took a break from innate worksheets to listen to Greek myths. She started comparing/contrasting traditional Greek myths with Harry Potter. I am WINNING at not doing school work with my kid.

    Reply
  41. Carissa

    I don’t want this to sound braggy, because I know lots of people are waiting to be vaccinated. But I have not seen my parents since Christmas 2019, and now we are all fully vaccinated, and they are coming TOMORROW. My daughter woke up and whispered in her stuffed penguin’s ear, “Grandma and Grandpa are coming tomorrow!!”

    Reply
  42. Slim

    A neighbor’s decluttering netted us the first season of the original Mission: Impossible, and we have been watching an episode or two every night. I didn’t realize how bad it was (I remember watching it in syndication when I was in grade school), and we are really enjoying it.

    The guy who was giving it away said he’d ended up buying the entire series as a boxed set, and I don’t understand how one would watch an entire season of this and feel the need for more.

    Reply
  43. Maggie

    I’m sorry about your sadness. My good news is in three parts: Oldest got the first of his two vaccine shots (when he’s done 1/2 of our family will be vax’d); Youngest got into the middle school she has wanted to go to for years (she was wait listed last year and didn’t get in); and Oldest got into several colleges he is interested in and, more importantly, they gave him enough scholarship money for us to be able to afford them. Now we have to go and visit, which would make me very anxious except that he and I will both we fully vax’d by the time we go, so I will be less anxious about flying. Oh also both kids are going to go back to school in person (hybrid) for the first time since March 2020. March 2021 was a MUCH better month than March 2020…

    Reply
  44. Jenine

    We moved into our current house July 2019. Last spring 2020 I watched eagerly to see if there were any bulbs that would bloom. I saw some green leaves that looked like daffodils but never saw a flower. I concluded that any bulbs in this yard were too old.

    But! this spring 2021, we had one perfect purple crocus and a stand of daffodils. Such a fun surprise after thinking there would be none. Hope your spring brings good surprises.

    Reply
  45. BKB

    I got my first vaccine today! I am relieved about it because I live in a part of the country with a very large spike in cases (13% positivity rate right now, and the seven day average of cases in my county is almost at its all time high) and as of this week it’s getting fairly easy to find a vaccine, just as vaccination is opening up to everyone 16+. Hoping that the race to vaccination will be fast!

    Reply
  46. Jolie

    My husband and I managed to both get vaccinated before we were officially eligible (through no waste programs). Our close circle of friends have also managed to get vaccinated. Yesterday was my 50th birthday (wow!). We all met at my favorite restaurant for cocktails and small plates. We still sat outside on the patio and were respectful to wait staff, etc. but it was so wonderful to be TOGETHER. We lingered for roughly 4 hours at the table, eating, talking, laughing. We hugged as we left (with masks on because we all still have our reservations about safety). It filled my heart with so much joy! (We also left a huge tip which was so fun as well.)

    Reply
  47. Laura S

    I live on the east coast and my mom lives on the west coast. I normally fly out to visit her twice a year, but in 2019 I was only able to go once, in March. I had a trip scheduled in early April of 2020 but obv that got cancelled. I got my vax in Jan (healthcare worker) and then booked a flight for July to go visit her… hoping she would have her vax by then. She just got her first dose and scheduled her 2nd so the trip is ON! She’s in her 80s and I have been so anxious for the past year worrying that I’d never see her again.

    I am absolutely thrilled to see how many people are getting vaccinated now!

    Reply
  48. DrPusey

    There is a very special nature preserve near us where you can go only visit if you are on a planned guided hike with the staff. We always missed out on their spring wildflower hikes before, because a) the hikes are usually on weekdays and b) my spouse is a college professor who finds it very difficult to get away from campus duties/his students during the school year on weekdays.

    Well! This year, he is on sabbatical. And I remembered about the hikes, and we snagged two of the slots for one yesterday. And it was absolutely fabulous; so many delicate spring wildflowers. He is a plant scientist and is working on a sabbatical project about the natural history/ecosystems of our state. So he was taking all kinds of pictures and being really happy. I loved seeing the flowers, but probably the better part was seeing him so happy and in his element.

    Reply
  49. Allison McCaskill

    My daughter, who turned 18 in February, finally had a driving test booked for this past Tuesday after having her lessons delayed by lockdown and then having to book a test an hour and a half away because of the rush for everyone to get tested when we opened up again. She suffers terribly from anxiety and we were all on pins and needles waiting for test day. She passed (“aced it”, the instructor said) just four days before we’re in lockdown and tests are cancelled again, and we’re all a little floaty over it.

    Reply

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