As this country continues to re-open during a pandemic despite not having taken any of the steps necessary for safely doing so, I am noticing huge confusion between “permitted” and “safe.” It’s understandable. It’s what we’re used to, to a certain extent: unsafe things are illegal or regulated. We have speed limits, licenses, seatbelt requirements; we’re not allowed to drive in certain reckless ways. We’re not allowed to buy cocaine. Smoking and drinking are allowed only after a certain age, and even after that age there are rules about when and where we’re allowed to do them, and what we are and aren’t allowed to do at the same time. We have to get official permits for certain activities such as lighting fires or doing construction.
And in countries where the officials care about the health and safety of their citizens as well as about the economy and profit, we are seeing a certain correlation between permitted and safe: the officials listen to scientists and medical experts, take steps needed to fight against the pandemic; and then, as those steps take effect, they carefully and slowly and advisedly re-open: the people are kept as safe as possible, the economy is preserved as much as possible. The United States, which has a current administration that ignores scientists, ignores medical experts, and thinks that bluster is the same as actually knowing what it’s doing, seems to think they can follow the same pattern of closing/re-opening WITHOUT doing all the things necessary to deal with the little issue of the disease. And so, since we have been very good and have stayed in our rooms for the entire time-out, it MUST be time for us to come out again, just like those other countries!
Some people have no choice. The companies they work for are re-opening, and if they don’t go back to work, they can’t pay their bills or buy food. I’m not talking about those situations. Those deserve our pity.
I am not talking about outings to acquire necessary items: food, prescriptions, urgent medical care. Those are not safe, but there is not much choice there, either: our country is not doing what it needs to do to make it safe, so we must do certain necessary activities unsafely. Other countries pity us.
I am not talking about the protests. Some things are morally necessary even when they are unsafe.
I am talking about things we don’t need to do, but that, because they are gradually permitted again, or because the words “socially distanced!” are used, are being mistaken for safe. Or restrictions, such as “No more than 10 people in a gathering,” making people think 9 or fewer must therefore be safe. It is making my throat tight to think of all the people who think that because something is allowed, it must be okay. We are going to lose so many more people we didn’t need to lose.
[Edited to add: The comments section is showing me I need to make a further clarification. I am not talking about people who CHOOSE to do unsafe things, knowing those things are unsafe. I am talking about people who are starting to do things because they THINK THOSE THINGS ARE NOW SAFE, because those things are once again permitted—when in fact those things are not safe.]
My in laws came for a social distance visit a few weeks ago. They sat on our deck and chatted with us. They actually complained a lot about the silliness of being quarantined. I piped up and said, “Well considering this is a pandemic- I assume that they are taking the doctors’ advice and all. I am really sick of people complaining about it.” My kids almost fell off their patio chairs. Wish they had stayed at their snow bird home. One of many examples of how I lost the in-law lottery.
The reopening of things is making me feel like the strict parent to both my children and my parents. “Yes mom I know your governor said the hair salon was open, no I don’t think that means it is safe for you to get your hair done. “
The people I feel terrible for really are the ones who are being forced into these unsafe situations. Like they work someplace that is permitted to open but not necessarily safe to reopen.
I’m in England watching the same scenes as people pour to the beaches and parks in huge crowds and it’s not necessary like protesting/work or getting essential supplies of medications or food or going to help vunrable relatives or neighbors or friends or going to get fresh air for your mental of physical heath… It’s putting others and yourself in danger and it makes me feel so uneasy!
Seeing people hugging and meeting in mass groups does too… I want normality as much as most… But that isn’t now.
In my neighborhood, I’ve been most bothered by the opening of . . . technically not beer gardens, I guess, but outside places where alcohol is consumed, and even if the capacity limits are followed, the people I see are getting sloppy about maintaining the appropriate distance and are having to shout at each other to be heard. All the droplets!
Watching the news and seeing protesters wearing masks but the cops not and seeing the cops reject the package of disposable masks the protesters left for them makes me feel like I’m choking my way through an enormous serving of doom casserole.
I agree with you. I absolutely do. AND I wonder how small businesses and the people who work there are going to survive. The government has essentially kicked people off unemployment by allowing them to reopen. If we all refuse to go because it is unsafe, those shop owners will absolutely lose their businesses. I don’t think that means we all rush out and act like it’s normal, but for me, it looks like considering how each business is handling things.
I get my hair cut by a woman who owns her own shop, and it’s just her (no people leasing seats). She reopened last week and has very strict rules about checkin and behaviors. She is lucky that her daughter and partner can both help in the salon; her daughter is a stylist and does the hair coloring, and her partner is cleaning. Constantly. She takes this more seriously than almost anyone I know, so when they called to ask if I wanted to schedule, I did.
On the other hand, my kids are getting home haircuts or no haircuts for the foreseeable future because I don’t know the practices of SportsClips or the approach of the people that work there to social distancing, but I do know there are several seats and a small waiting area.
Anyway, it feels confusing and complicated, and I’m not criticizing if others choose to not go out at all. I definitely believe that is safest. But I also worry about what it means for my friends and community members who own businesses. :(
Basically, the government has failed us all, I think is my point.
This makes me think back to last weekend — or maybe the weekend before? — when my family and I drove home from our first socially-distanced outing with friends (outside the whole time, but still slightly uncomfortable because we are no longer used to being near people), and passed a HUGE lawn party. Dozens of people, none of whom seemed to be wearing masks, packed together on the front lawn, drinking from cups and playing whatever that game is where you throw a beanbag at a hole in a raised board.
Well. I don’t know if that’s even PERMITTED, but it was obviously not safe.
This also reminds me of the dentist, who keeps sending me URGENT REMINDERS that I am overdue for my routine dental exam. Yes, I understand that more routine appointments are now permitted but… no thank you. (Also, only one person is allowed into the appointment at a time and my husband works so what would I do with my child???)
Also also: As a lifelong rule follower, I feel like I am still Following Rules (even if they are “old” or unsaid) – like staying at home unless absolutely necessary, and wearing a mask when I’m out in public, and maintaining six feet between people I encounter. But because so many people seem to have given up, it has the dual result of making me feel a) strident and anxious because I want EVERYONE to follow the rules and b) embarrassed and uncertain because I feel like the lone holdout so often, and am I maybe overreacting??? I went into a gas station to get a new tank of propane and I was literally the ONLY person wearing a mask in the whole crowded store. It really heightened the feeling of “everyone is staring at me and thinking I’m a weirdo.” (Despite b, I am still Following Rules.)
SAME. I am a rule-follower by nature so it pains me to see others ignoring even the most basic safety aspects like masks and distance.
Exactly!
It’s been so helpful to read Swistle’s post and your comment –I’m also someone who Follows Rules, and this last week has really had me wondering if I’m the only sane one in my group of friends and neighbors, or the opposite. I see almost everyone in my area wearing (officially required) masks when I do go to the grocery store (not necessarily covering both nose and mouth, but that’s a separate rant/worry). But more and more people I know are now starting to expand their social/contact circles, despite no changes in the science. I’m feeling left out–social distancing visits outside are helpful but I’m a hugger by nature–but as Swistle said, just because it’s allowed doesn’t mean it’s safe.
Everyone is doing risk assessments all the time now. I think we would be better off if we even followed the CDC guidance for when things could reopen, which used benchmarks like open ICU beds and percentage positive cases. I did manage to talk my mom out of attended church in person, so that is reassuring.
However, even I someone who has asthma, I will probably take more risks before a vaccine is available. I live alone and haven’t seen my family or good friends since Christmas. It would not be good or mentally healthy for me to not see or touch anyone until there is a vaccine. The idea of being alone in my apartment for Thanksgiving and Christmas makes me cry. So, will it be 100% safe? No. But that is a risk I’m willing to engage in. On the other hand, if my state professional association has the yearly conference in September, I won’t be attending.
We are struggling with this, too. I believe the ship has sailed on quashing Covid. NPR interviewed experts are saying this will be with us for the next couple years, at least. My husband and I are committed to doing our part to reduce spread, but when we’re talking years we also have to balance physical health with mental health. My mom is a relatively recent widow working remotely, so even though she is high risk for complications we occasionally visit. Her mental health requires hugs from her children and grandchildren, and it’s still a lot less than before. My daughters are low risk for complications, but could definitely be vectors. But, my almost 10 year old lives in a constant state of anxiety right now. What is worth the risk to give her some normalcy? We are constantly weighing it out.
My state professional association has already announced that the yearly November conference will be online!
We got an email last week that they are waiting until after July 1 to make a decision. The place we go to is too small for that many people normally (we regularly hit max capacity for the main room), so there is no way they can socially distance. I don’t know what they are thinking.
I’ve been avoiding giving my email address to the NYT, but it was worth it to read this. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/06/08/upshot/when-epidemiologists-will-do-everyday-things-coronavirus.html
It’s the results of a survey responded to by 511 epidemiologists about when they personally expect to resume a number of common activities. Really interesting.
I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I am really hoping that Canada keeps our borders closed to non-urgent travel from the US until sometime next year. Have you ever heard the expression “When the US sneezes, Canada catches a cold”? Yeah, it’s a reference to our linked economies, but is more accurate than usual now, medically speaking, and would be even better phrased as “When the US coughs, Canada gets Covid-19” these days.
I’m Canadian, too, living in a province that has fared surprisingly well, and any new cases we had in the last few weeks were imported from out of province (but boy, a good reminder to appreciate the essential workers in the supply chain and the risks they face!) so we, too, are hoping to keep that border closed! My kids went back to daycare this week and our parents are over 70, and we are taking a lot of comfort in our local response. We watch the news and the numbers and feel so hard for more heavily infected areas and measures taken/loosened and hold our collective breath!
OMG Shawna, this is how I feel too! In my province it feels like things are getting under control, and I feel okay about doing things like going to the dentist because of all the precautions in place, masks, etc. But the thought of people coming into the country from the US…it’s worrisome.
Thank you for the recommendation, Shawna. NYT now has my email address, too. I am also in Canada. I like how some of the epidemiologists pushed back on the time line. It would be really interesting to hear their answers based on benchmarks like
– when R is consistently below 1
– when R is consistently below 0.5
– after vax uptake is over 90%
– after I have been vaxxed
– after high-risk groups have been vaxxed
Two things that are comforting me.
1) the level of safety is not the same in every part of the country so I can’t evaluate that.
and
2) while I agree the federal response has been horrific, the local and state governments did use this time to boost needed supply inventories.
This isn’t over, and we may lose a lot of lives, but we DID broadly “flatten the curve” and gave the system time to up testing capacity and needed supply inventory.
Completely off topic, but I just realized Father’s Day is in less than two weeks! Will there be post?* I know what I want to get Jared but it’s not available yet, so am looking for some ideas for a small thing or two as a placeholder.
*She asked hopefully
I totally agree, and am horrified and dismayed. Also, I remind myself that every person who doesn’t get sick or who doesn’t make someone else sick (my family doing things we can to reduce our risk of exposure, assuming we are not yet infected, and our risk of exposing others, in the unfortunate event that we are) is, well, literally saving lives. And if I have done anything that is unusually risky as compared to my current day-to-day routine (I’m still at the stage where unusually risky might mean setting foot in a grocery store, something I have not done since mid-March, or taking my son to the dentist, which I have done, once), not to do *anything else* that might expose others, for 2 weeks. That ends up being pretty constraining, and I’m at peace with that. But of course that reflects a very privileged position … I am working but can for now WFH, and otherwise largely able to (a) do things I enjoy (walk in the woods) and (b) not do other stuff. And I am the only one in my household who works. And everyone else is reasonably content, though my mother (who lives with us) and son are chafing at the restrictions, somewhat, and I am having to be the “bad guy.”
Also, I tell myself that it’s like the stock market and that while it may or may not at any given moment be a time I should be selling stocks (er, I know virtually nothing about this and just put money in my 401K so that is largely a hypothetical on a personal level, but I get that people invest and from time to time sell what they have previously purchased in order to (a) purchase something else or (b) have money to spend on expenses), that if everyone else is selling, I should try very hard not be selling (regardless of whether I might otherwise be selling, i.e., regardless of (a) and (b)). And in the same vein, if everyone else is e.g. getting their hair done, I should not be.
But, yes — we as a nation in the US have (IMO) tossed up our hands and resigned ourselves to getting sick and dying, and I am so totally not OK with that.
Where I live in Texas things are so open that I felt silly wearing a mask at Home Depot because no one else was. Not even my dad, who I went with, who is the most Texan guy you can imagine and just not concerned at all with the “Rona” as he calls it.
We’ve been…not great with quarantine at my house. I feel like people who don’t HAVE too break their bubble are much more strict about taking unnecessary risks, but my husband has been working this entire time in healthcare so it felt pretty useless to quarantine ourselves beyond the minimum. We never wiped down groceries or cared if the pizza delivery guy came all the way to the doorstep. If we get sick it will be because of my husband’s job and that’s not something we can control. We have limited our contact with friends, but have been regularly seeing my parents (both essential, so we’re not really increasing their risk) and my brother’s family (they live on our street and need help with their many toddlers). We’ve been to our neighborhood pool and ate out on the patio at a few restaurants. We let our kids play on the playscape at the neighborhood park. We know these things aren’t perfectly safe, but they are outdoor, in the sunshine, and not near too many people. Worth it.
Even my friends who have lived in strict bubbles over the past few months are starting to emerge, and I don’t blame them. My friend group is mostly moms with 3-4 very young kids (elementary and under) and this has been HARD ( Better since school ended though–imagine trying to suddenly computer-home school a kindergartner who can’t read, type, or use a mouse while also taking care of a baby, a toddler, and supervising a surly second grader!).
We can do a strict quarantine for a short time, or a less strict quarantine for a much longer time, and it looks like this virus is going to be here for a longer time. I live in the suburbs and our area hasn’t had that many cases yet though. Things could change for the worst quickly, so we might as well enjoy the pool while we can.
But — no. I mean, first, thank you to your husband for the work he is doing in healthcare, and yes to what you describe being HARD. I have it EASY (in relative terms) and want to acknowledge that. But (a) the risks add up — it’s not like if you go to the grocery store, you might as well also go to … because you’re already at risk (or that if you work in healthcare you might as well … go to the swimming pool, for the same reason). I mean, the “Oh, it’s already risky” idea is all over the place and certainly not unique to coronavirus, like when people say, “Well, I already drove my car to the pool (accepting that risk) so I might as well swim even though the lifeguard is out sick,” because no, those risks are separate, and they add up.
Only in the case of coronavirus each extra risk that we ourselves take (I already went to store 1 so I might as well go to store 2) also exposes others to additional risk. This is why (see my earlier comment) I’m trying to do only one unusually risky thing (relative to my day-to-day) every 2 weeks.
Which, again — I get is hard (fairly easy for me so far, but generally hard, and truly HARD for many people), and not across-the-board realistic, and of course I cannot judge for other people what the appropriate tradeoffs for them and their families are. But, each exposure adds risk (it’s not “yes I’m at risk/no I’m not”), and not just for the person making the decision, but for every other person they come in contact with.
I do get that more things makes more risk, but the idea is more a “we’re going to get sick anyway eventually” sort of feeling that makes it feel useless to try too hard to avoid getting sick. We want to flatten the curve so not everyone gets sick at once, but trying to keep everyone from getting sick ever was never really the goal. Just trying to explain my point of view and why people might take more risks than others.
Commenter Angela L, I really like how you put this. My husband is essential and back at work in a position where he comes into contact with a large cross section of society. I have stayed in (working from home) with 3 young kids since early March. It has been a LOT. We have finally started doing some limited things I feel comfortable with…getting together with my kids’ best set of sibling friends (so expanding our circle to another family) and going by ourselves to a not crowded pool. I really just can’t handle being trapped inside with 3 young kids and only staying at home any longer. I am to the point of debating doing more…because it seems like at a certain point my husband is likely to expose us all anyway. I really want to stop the spread and be responsible but it seems like at this point, the further spread is inevitable. (I also live in a backwards state where the rate and deaths are decreasing yet more and more continues to open and maybe 30% of people are wearing masks to the grocery store).
Hi — thank you for responding, and yes, that makes sense. It helps me understand some of what I’m seeing around me (which to be honest is not much as I am mostly staying away from people and public places). I totally agree that what you’re describing is closer to what I think is the US response, though I’m not happy about that — I think that if we invested in producing tons of PPE, contact tracing, and isolation facilities, we could reduce the spread in ways that would save many lives.
I’m in my 50s, I live with my octogenarian mom who has already lost a brother to COVID, my husband in his 60s who’s a former pack-a-day smoker, and our teenage son. I’m the only person in my household who works for pay, though both retirees (mom, husband) have fairly reliable, steady sources of income (pensions, social security), so we are insulated from some types of risk in that regard, and while my job security isn’t guaranteed, I can (and am presently required to) WFH. My son wishes he could get together with friends and my mom is aggravated that the public pools here aren’t open — she’s a lap swimmer — and that she can’t volunteer in the places she usually would (food bank) or attend church, but other than that, well, our hobbies are hiking, golf (hubby and son), disc golf, camping. We’re pretty much doing 100% delivery on groceries and other material things we need. So hunkering down and staying the heck away from almost everyone is pretty straightforward for us, mostly (I did say I had it easy, and I wasn’t kidding). And we very definitely are not embracing the idea that we are just going to get sick, because there’s a good chance it would do one or more of us in. So yes, different situations and different approaches. Also, I do live in one of the states where pretty much all the trends are currently in the wrong direction, so we need to be flattening the curve right here right now, even if we don’t/won’t do so forever.
I’m also in a family in which our greatest exposure is our loved one. We had weeks of anxiety and elaborate rituals before we settled into life with possible COVID exposure. We’ve found our new normal: moderate contact precautions and we allow our friends and family to decide when they want to be around us. I take issue with the commenters comparing a trip to the grocery store to career-long exposure to COVID patients. There’s a difference. It forced us to carefully balance our desire to live a full life with our desire to have zero risk.
I feel frustrated with the expectation that a vaccine will be here shortly, that it will be 100% effective, or that we’ll have therapeutics that will cure coronavirus before any restrictions are loosened. It may be quite a while before any of those things will happen.
The reason why so many people “break the rules” to attend worship services and funerals and protest rallies is that we are all desperate to reconnect with the people and causes that give our lives meaning. This must be one of the considerations in finding our way forward. Our risk will not be zero soon. It’s okay to accept some risk.
On masks/face-coverings. I will wear a mask. I feel like it is a drop in the bucket towards normalizing it in solidarity with other people who want/need to wear a mask can do so without feeling self-conscious. As well as a drop in the bucket towards reducing the spread. I hope that everyone who can wear a mask will for the same reasons. I will also refuse to judge anyone who is not wearing a mask because some people should not. I do not know why any individual is not wearing a mask and it is none of my business.
It seems like going to the pool is an illustration of Swistle’s point about how things are permitted are not necessarily safe. Of course, the prevalence of the virus varies depending on where you live and only you can know the local statistics, and only you can decide what’s an acceptable risk to take, but it’s not just the odds of getting Covid that has to be taken into account, it’s also the odds of passing it on, no? And in the situation you’re describing – and I’m trying and failing to find a way to say this gently – I’m thinking it’s not your family who’d be taking on greater risk and increasing your odds of getting sick, but rather your family making it potentially less safe for others. It’s noble and necessary work, the job your husband is doing, but I have to admit I would have thought the fact that your husband works in healthcare and therefore is at high risk of bringing it home would mean you might want to consider more than others avoiding places where it could be transmitted from you to others: places like the playground and the pool? WebMD states that new research suggests that it’s most contagious a day or two before symptoms appear, so your family could pass on the virus before you know you’ve been infected.
According to my husband, the pool is actually one of the safest places to go because of the open air, water, and ability to be away from other people (limited capacity). Pretty much all outdoor areas are very low risk, and we sanitize before and after playing at the park. Pre-symptomatic spread is definitely a worry, and why we continue to do things like wear masks, (I can’t control my dad!) and avoid indoor areas and gatherings. We hope that people who also choose to play at the neighborhood park are, like us, not at high risk for complications and aware of the danger. We have to figure out how to best protect our mental health as well as physical health, and sometimes, unfortunately, that means putting others at risk too.
I think the best any family can muster is an enlightened self-interest at this point. People need to pay their bills; they need to tend to their aging parents. They need to pray and protest and get their children educated. Each family who has work that can be done at home may continue to shelter indefinitely.
You’re right, Shawna, each of us will make choices that will affect the whole. But please consider offering some compassion to the families were not given a choice to face COVID every day and would like to do a few things they used to do. We’ll be dealing with this disease and every other infectious disease that comes along for the rest of our (working) lives.
I’m reminded of my pregnancies, when I felt sure that I’d follow each recommendation to the letter. The cumulative burden of each one was impossible to describe to the non-pregnant people around me. Eventually, I did a few things that were not recommended but made me feel like a whole human again.
There is life out there, and we will all do our best together.
I think it is EASY to have compassion for people wanting to do a few things we used to do, because ALL OF US want to do a few things we used to do. What I’m having trouble understanding is how “wanting to do things we used to do” (100% understandable, we ALL want that) justifies doing those things right now instead of waiting, even though we really can’t safely do those things yet. (I’m not talking about required work, and necessary care of family, and essential shopping/medical; those are obviously a totally different category of activity.)
The pregnancy comparison is a great one, because it involves different levels of risks, and because it includes the concept of being able to do all those “feel like a whole human again” things if you just wait until AFTER the pregnancy. There were some things I did during pregnancy that were not recommended (eating lunch meat, for example, and I would have gone ahead and had a small glass of wine/champagne if we’d gone to a wedding or something)—but if I’d been someone who normally loved boxing, or scuba-diving, or going out a couple times a year with my friends for a bunch of drinks, and if I needed to do those things occasionally in order to feel like a whole human, I would nevertheless have waited until AFTER the pregnancy to do them again.
Angela – I’m jealous that your pool is open! Our city pool is not opening but 4 of the surrounding, smaller community pools are opening with rules and restrictions. Some of those rules being that only their city residents can come to open swim. So we are not allowed to travel 15 minutes away to swim in their pool. Which is hard, after being at home since mid-March with tweens and a teen.
Angela L- Thank you for your honest comment. My family and I are facing this pandemic in a similar way. My county has had less than 50 cases and no deaths, yet our unemployment rate went from 4% in February to 30% in May. They mental health and financial toll are bigger problems for our community at the moment. And frankly, the risk of getting Covid is not going away any time soon, so each person (or family) has to weigh the risk assessment based on their needs and should be allowed to do so without judgement from anyone else
This post is about people taking on risk without realizing it, mistaking PERMITTED activities for SAFE activities. If you are doing unsafe things deliberately, that’s a different topic. And if you are deliberately participating in unsafe activities, it’s not fair or reasonable to ask to be free from the judgment of others, in situations where what you’re doing puts anyone other than yourself (such as your children, or other relatives/friends/acquaintances, or clerks/staff/workers/providers) at increased risk. You are absolutely open to judgement (with no sentence! no punishment! just other people’s EVALUATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS) for your deliberate, informed, “we weighed our own personal risk and this is what we decided was was an acceptable level of risk/consequence for other people” decisions. And if that punishment-free judgment from others is the only consequence of your actions, how very lucky for everyone!
Here in CT, they’ve opened the casinos(!), but don’t worry they say, only every other slot machine will be available. Every. Other. Slot. Machine. Does it get any stupider??? Who needs to be out gambling right now? Gamble your money and your health, I guess.
I have been back at work for a few weeks. I work in childcare. So my children and I are now in close contact with over 100 people daily…so we are tightening, not relaxing our social distancing. And almost everyone seems to think I’m nuts for that. So. That’s great.
I stand with you and appreciate your prudence.
If I’ve learnt anything from this pandemic, it’s how poor the majority of people are at assessing risk. We are in the very fortunate position in New Zealand to have no new cases of Covid-19 for the past few weeks and now no active cases. We are now essentially open, apart from the border which is strictly closed to almost everyone and those who do come through are in quarantine for two weeks.
I’ve seen so many people quoting Dr Fauci and saying we are playing with our children’s lives by reopening schools etc etc while not realising that what we have is beyond Fauci’s wildest dreams. These were also the same people complaining that the government shut everything down once we had community transmission so it seems that some people will just never be happy.
I’m so sorry your administration are absolute walnuts, you don’t deserve that and neither does anyone else even if they insist on voting for it and/or pretending the pandemic doesn’t exist.
Isn’t it interesting how different everyone’s situation and experience is. I can’t get mad at anyone, so long as they are doing their best. This does not include my cousin who is has been all over instagram hugging large groups of friends in restaurants, seemingly uninterruptedly during this whole Thing. It is nice to have a singular place to focus my anger.
I don’t know what to say about my personal experience. My work is Essential and never closed, but has implemented very strict distancing protocols such that I am always masked and hardly see another person. My income, until this week, was our family’s only income. I have not been anywhere but work since early March. My daughter’s preschool closed but the toddler’s daycare did not, so now both kids go to daycare. However, it’s a small in-home daycare that is now limited to 3 families, and no adults are allowed in ever, and the daycare provider has hardly left her house since early March. My husband was finishing law school and did so from home, leaving only to do our grocery shopping. So all of that, I feel ok about.
However. My husband got a job and started yesterday, and it seems there are no distancing protocols at all. I am pregnant, and due in a month. My husband is taking the bar exam in a different town, also in a month. My mom, who lives in another state, wants to come help, and I could sure use it. Cases in my state are spiking dramatically, emergency hospital protocols have been activated. And everything is opening up, all around us.
It is all too overwhelming, there are too many variables in the equation, it is so, so tempting to just throw up my hands and stop trying to get it right.
Oh my, that all sounds very stressful! And even more so because so many of these things would be exciting and happy in normal times, but are contributing to the stress now!
Congrats on the baby!
Congrats on your husband’s accomplishments!
Congrats on keeping it together through all of this!
We have to move in the next 6-8 weeks, and the anxiety I am experiencing about this is paralyzing. Every time I think about it, I feel like I am going to vomit, and my brain short-circuits trying to make sense out of a senseless situation, which is NOT HELPFUL given the multitude of decisions that must be made. At least we don’t have to drive across the country this time, but it will still be at least 8 hours of driving time, which will involve at least 2 or 3 bathroom breaks with a child, teenagers, and young adult who think they are invincible. I can’t go into every public bathroom with them to remind them to wash their hands and use the paper towel to turn the water off and open the door to get out and/or use hand sanitizer when they get back to their vehicle. We will be in several vehicles, so I might not be able to make sure they are all wearing their masks before they go in!
Check out #movingduringapandemic on IG. You’re not alone. We moved six weeks ago, right around the time my husband started seeing COVID patients in the hospital. The timing was less than ideal but we made it. Good luck!
I really want a haircut and I can get one but I don’t think it’s safe. I just called my pharmacy and set up my prescription to be mailed to me. I haven’t been to a grocery store, seen friends, gotten take out since February! My husband is teaching from home and I freelance from home so we can do that. The other day while we were having morning coffee on our porch, my neighbors came waltzing up our path, no masks and proceeded to sit down uninvited 4 feet from my husband! I told them I was uncomfortable and they still didn’t leave for 10 minutes! Masks are still mandatory every time you leave your house, in my area. I wrote it on the calendar per Swistle’s suggestion. They said they are taking covid seriously but as we are all finding out, seriously is a very subjective word. Also, I might need a bouncer for my front porch, lol!
What really frustrates me is that anyone who feels a need to be more careful than the average for their area is getting shut out by the people who are being less cautious.
I have a local shop that doesn’t offer online ordering or curbside pickup. I’m finally feeling like local covid rates have dropped enough that I’d be willing to go in, briefly, while wearing a mask. But when I drove by last week I saw a mom walking in with her kids, none of them wearing masks, despite all the signs posted saying that masks are required. They are basically a family of walking petri dishes. My family is going to be stuck in lockdown forever with people like that wandering around.
My mother is extremely high risk, and she is currently stranded on the wrong side of the country. She was waiting to fly until infection rates in the airport cities dropped enough. But now that they have dropped a lot, more people are flying and crowding the airplanes and airports, so she still feels like she can’t come back. Not sure how we’re ever going to work this out.
I’m in the UK and as the country loosens up, I’m trying to navigate my way to something I can feel comfortable-ish with. The biggest risk by far is that my daughter has gone back to daycare this week, she was struggling emotionally a lot with being at home with just us for 3 months and her baby brother is too small for her to play with. We eventually decided the damage to her development and emotional health outweighed the health risks for us. Otherwise, she’s had 2 socially distanced outdoor play dates with friends (she’s 4 and does a pretty good job of keeping her distance, but they’ve been with friends she’ll encounter at pre-school anyway) and I’ve gone for a few distanced evening walks with a single friend.
That’s it for us at the moment! I still haven’t set foot in a big grocery store since early April. I’ve made one trip to a garden centre, and I go to the little bakery, butcher and general store in our village roughly weekly, but they have a 1-2 person capacity. We have restaurant food delivered every week or two, and shopping, veg box, milk all delivered. We still try and keep our distance when we go on walks. We haven’t seen our families and probably won’t for a long time, as one side are in the US and the other are a 5 hour drive away. We’re both lucky to work from home. Oh but I did have to take the baby to a hospital appt a week or two ago. It was non-emergency but needed ticking off, and I encountered ZERO other patients and 2 medical staff during our 15 minute visit. Basically, by loosening our circle by sending my daughter back, I feel like we have to be as responsible as ever – or more so – in every other area of our lives.
I agree that most people are not good at measuring risk. One of the most common error I see if the risk size fallacy: I’m already doing a high risk activity (like working in healthcare) so I might as well do this lower risk activity (go to a party or whatever.) However I try not to judge because risk assessment should include your values and I’m not privy to all the information that goes into everyones risk calculation.
What does make me angry is MASKS. We are certain that pre-symptomatic and people with mild symptoms who may not know they are sick spread covid 19. We also know that masks work to reduce transmission (both animal and human studies, plus anecdotally those hairdressers that worked sick and exposed 150 people – zero got sick likely because both client and hairdresser wore masks.) So why are so many people out without masks on? Is their mild discomfort wearing a mask really worth someone else’s life? I mean this seems like hyperbole, but not wearing a mask can truly kill another person. To me this is the epitome of selfishness and really sums up what is wrong with America today.
Maybe this is too strident, but I just don’t see how we will survive as a country if we cant sacrifice something as small as the discomfort of wearing as mask for the good of others.