I can’t adequately express how helpful and calming your comments on the financial aid post were. Even just hearing over and over again, “Yes, probably that income cut-off is a firm one, crazy as that sounds” was mind-settling/clarifying, but then there were so many other useful suggestions and comments and anecdotes. Paul is driving me crazy by referring to my information-gathering stage as “panicking,” and wants to ignore the topic altogether, so I am very glad to have other people to discuss it with.
I’ve been noticing that as we try to find a college for Rob, I am intensely interested in stories about how other people found their colleges. It’s like when I was at the end of my first pregnancy, and all I wanted to hear was stories about how people went into labor, how they knew it was Real Labor, and how the birth went. And so I wondered if you would indulge me by telling me such college-search stories. If you went to college, how did you narrow down the VAST number of possibilities? How did you know when you’d found the right one? Was there a CLICK, or was it more like “Yeah, good enough, this’ll do”? Or, if you have kids who have gone off to college, how did you/they find THEIRS? Please do not edit for length: I will read EVERY WORD, leaning closer to the screen and blinking insufficiently often.
I am not sure this will help because I am in Northern Ireland so things are a bit different here.
I went to University in 1991. Some of my friends were going to England for university but I was nervous about being so far from home. I was the first person in my family to attend university.
When we apply here we fill out one application form that goes to a company that manages all the applications and forwards them to the universities – we can chose up to five universities to apply to (or at least that is how it worked back then).
There are two university in Northern Ireland, although one of them has three campuses across the country, the subject you chose decides which of these campuses you attend.
One of the universities is seen as more prestigious – I think just because it is older and I applied there because I felt that what I should aim for.
We got to tour the universities but I have to say I did not like the feel of this one. It is not really a campus environment just lots of different buildings scattered across the city.
I much preferred the other university but I still applied to the first one as my first choice!
In the end I did not get the grades needed to go to the first choice but was accepted to my second choice. It was the best result for me. I loved the course and the university and got to spend a year in Germany as part of my studies. The university was about an hour from home so I could go home when wanted but could stay when I wanted too.
My point in this long story is that I would encourage anyone to apply to the college that feels right for them not the one they think they should apply to.
I’m British so was involved in the same system as AlisonC above… My motivations, however, were different. I had a very difficult relationship with my mother so, as my parents lived in the south of England, my aim was to get as far away as possible without being somewhere I might have family (which ruled out the north of Scotland). My school’s head teacher was a wonderfully elegant woman and we all adored her, so when she said she studied French and Spanish at St Andrews (south of Scotland), my ears pricked up. My favourite French teacher also studied French and Spanish there, so I started to see it as my destiny. My parents claimed they wanted me nearer home (to better keep me under lock and key), so we duly visited Reading (grim) and Surrey (OK, but waaaay too near their house). I ended up applying to St Andrews as my top choice, then Edinburgh, Bath, somewhere else and Reading, even though I had no intention of going to Reading. I got the grades I needed for St A, and duly went in October 1987. I was very nervous, but it went OK. I hadn’t visited the place and maybe if I had, I would have realised that such a tiny town maybe wasn’t the best idea (I think Edinburgh would actually have been the best place for me). I made wonderful friends and got an excellent degree, but it wasn’t an entirely happy experience and I have some regrets.
My advice would definitely be to visit potential choices. I can’t give advice regarding the financial side because (back then, anyway) university education in the UK was free. But feeling that the place is a good fit is very, very important – I had many miserable moments at St A even though overall it was a good experience.
This is interesting to me because I went to St Andrews for my second university (I have 3 degrees, all from different universities) and count the year I spent there among the happiest in my life so far. I loved the hard working, tiny town aspect of it and hated the city aspect of my third university. My first was in a town about 50 miles from St A, and I disliked the partying vibe that the town had.
I chose St Andrews because it was the one place with the perfect masters degree for me, and I loved it. I loved being in such a close, small environment – there were 7 people on my course, and I still stay in touch with some of my professors and classmates, which I barely do from my first university and don’t at all from my third.
When choosing my first university, I knew I wanted to be in Scotland. It just felt like home to me. I applied to a couple of schools in Scotland, plus a couple in England. I wanted to be pretty far from my parents. I was accepted to a couple of schools, based on grades, then was hit by dementors and barely missed the grades needed for the schools where I had been accepted. I went through a system called clearing, where they match up schools with places with students looking for places, and Stirling instantly felt like the right fit. I drove up to visit it with my dad, fell in love with the campus, and went there. I absolutely thrived there, got my first class honours degree, then went on to get my MLitt (distinction in dissertation) from St Andrews and then went to Sheffield for my professional degree.
I hated Sheffield. I was far away from Mr Handmade, I was miserable, I had no friends there and it was a horrible situation for me. The university was way too large and faceless after loving St Andrews so much. The city was crowded and awful. I plan never to visit that city again in my life – I graduated in absentia so I wouldn’t have to go back ever.
Part of my dislike of St Andrews almost certainly comes from the (many) psychological issues I have – chronic shyness, etc. A difficult relationship with my mother meant I was totally unprepared for student life, adult life, any life, really…
I agree that the academic side was good – I loved the beauty of the place, the traditions, the degree I did (most of the time). But I had a hard time developing any self-confidence at all (still a work in progress, even now, 24 years later) and found it quite hard to fit in.
Then again, that’s been the story of my life.
I think the problems are inside my head.
St Andrews has a lot going for it, and my closest friends today are all people I met there, even if I almost never see them.
No real regrets, but I still think Edinburgh would have been a better fit (plus I could have studied Italian, which wasn’t available at St A when I was there, meaning I did Spanish instead and ended up hating it for all kinds of reasons).
I was a National Merit Finalist, and at the time most schools only offered fairly lame scholarships for that. Not to say that $2000 a year is nothing, but when factored into the total cost, it wasn’t much. I found one school however, Alfred University, that was offering free rides to National Merit scholars… I think they were attempting to raise their academic reputation. Free tuition, room, board, and book money. How could I say no?
It was tough when most of my friends were going to little Ivies to go to a tiny school in the middle of nowhere that no one had ever heard of, but I had a fantastic experience once I got there. And starting my adult life without student loans was the best decision I ever made.
tl;dr: I figured out who would give me the most money.
After years of protracted family drama, I took the generous National Merit scholarship offered by my large Southern state university, and I had a good experience there. I wanted to echo what Sarah said: finishing undergrad with no educational debt was a huge gift that cannot be undersold. There are so many stupid, crazy, risky, wonderful, life-changing things I was able to do in my early 20s that I never would have been able to do otherwise, and I am so grateful for those years.
And &^**!!!, I meant to say “oversold.” Or “underemphasized.” Or something!
I think the process was a lot less crazy-making in the 80s than it is now. My choices were narrowed somewhat in that my high school boyfriend and I had decided to go to the same college, so we chose two to apply to, plus a decoy school or two each to give our parents the impression we weren’t completely sold on this plan, even though we were. I remember relying a lot of college handbooks, both the big ones that give basic info on a large number of schools and the others that give a more subjective description of fewer schools. Do these books even exist any more? I visited two of the three schools I applied to, by myself, traveling by train or bus. I didn’t visit my decoy school, probably making that ruse less effective than I thought at the time. The visits were clarifying for me. I liked both schools but one just felt like home when I visited. Boyfriend liked it, too. We both got in and broke up during orientation. But I never regretted my choice because I loved it there. It always did feel like home to me.
It was 1994 when I went to college, and I had two younger sisters, and our family made enough to own a house but not save anything for college funds. So my choices weren’t great, in terms of avoiding lots of debt. At the time, South Dakota had a scholarship for in-state tuition based on ACT scores, and I got it! So I chose South Dakota State University, which was 15 miles from home. I went on to graduate school and medical school,then residency at Mayo. I’m name-dropping my residency because I’m a big believer in ag/land grant/state schools for your basic sciences and technical degrees. Cheap. But you can still go on to professional school, graduate school, whatever. Still a lot of fun and activities. Less of a Greek presence, if that’s something you dislike.
Great point that I didn’t think to mention: I was SO glad that there weren’t any fraternities or sororities at my small liberal arts college!
tl;dr: student:faculty ratio is an important factor if the student isn’t sure of academic direction and career leanings.
I grew up in North Dakota and knew I wanted to leave the state. I’m the youngest of 3, so my siblings’ interests influenced me. My finalists were Saint Cloud State in MN (tuition reciprocity as a neighboring state) and Pacific Lutheran University in WA. I was all set to go to Saint Cloud when PLU came in with a financial aid offer that made it financially comparable to the state school. My parents, who are Lutheran, stated their preference that I go to the Lutheran school, so I did. Probably the best part about it was the low student:faculty ratio. I had an advisor who anchored my drifting nature, and I was able to finish in 4 years. That advisor set up an internship [paid internship!] for me in publishing after graduation, which turned into an entry-level job, so I became the rare English major who found work in her field immediately after college.
I went to PLU for the exact same reasons! They offered a great financial aid package that ended up being comparable to staying in state and going to the U of A. I desperately wanted to get away from AZ and try something new. I loved the small class sizes–I think I had two “lecture” style classes in four years. I hated the location though and I ended up hating the weather, but overall it was a good choice and I had very little debt coming out (12,000$). Then I came back to AZ and got a Masters in-state!!
My family was and still is horrible. I was paying for my own college – so I chose the in-state public university that was farthest from home. A great decision. Get away from the people in your life who are terrible. But not in a way that harms you.
My oldest was accepted to a lot of places – all kinds of pricey choices. We did a several week driving tour. I called it “the tour of the overpriced colleges of the eastern US.” After the tour, it was obvious to her (and I agreed 100%) where she should attend. At the end of the day at Rice, we sat down in the car and I said to her, “Well, you found your people.” And she replied, “Yeah, this is it.” She never looked back, never regretted it and always knew that it was the place for her. If only all major decisions could be so clear.
My youngest was also accepted all over the place. Ivies, top California schools, plus every one of the top 10 engineering schools that she applied to. Because she is a wheeler dealer kind of person – she presented me with an offer. She could go to any of the $50+ per year schools that she had gotten into or she could go to University of Texas (#4 in chemical engineering). UT would cost us only room and board and books because we had done a prepaid tuition and fees program when she was 1. But – if she let us off of the hook for the costs of the other schools – she wanted to live in an apartment and not in the dorms. And she wanted it to be a nice place (complete with the House Hunters trinity – stainless steel appliances, granite countertops and wood floors). And she had to bring her cat. And no roommates. So – we pay more for her rent than I have ever paid for any house note that I have had. And we pay for her spending money. And it still will save us $100,000 over the other schools she was considering. Win/win.
She really likes the program, but does not like Austin. I have asked her recently and she still thinks she made the right decision. I don’t like Austin either. It is a city that does nothing well. Plus – in general – they equate being dirty with being more authentic. Which is incorrect.
I have to interject with an opposing opinion on Austin, where I moved for graduate school, have planted roots, and have lived for 8 years now. I love it here, and I think it does plenty of things well, including food, a wonderful laid-back urban vibe, and arts culture. To each their own, I totally understand, and I wouldn’t expect my city to be to everyone’s taste—but also not all residents are dirty hippies.
Which is why I said in general.
I applied to mostly small private schools in Ohio. I wanted to be near my parents but not so near they could visit without calling first. I also very much wanted to go to a small college where everyone would know me because we had moved a lot and I was afraid of not having friends. Small campuses felt more manageable. As a back up, I also applied to the honors program at Ohio University, which is a large public school, in a small college town.
When the scholarship and financial aid packages came in, I realized that my very top choice, Hiram College, would not be offering me enough money for me to be able to attend. I was absolutely heartbroken and remember sobbing at my job when I found out. BUT! My parents made me visit OU, my back up choice, and the minute I stepped onto the campus, I knew it was perfect. The small town gave me a sense of belonging and the large school gave me so many more opportunities, than I would have had at Hiram. So, sometimes your first choice turns out not to be the right choice. I always tell high school students I know not to rule out schools based on size alone. You must go visit!
I also went to OU and loved that it had the small town feel but with enough students that it felt different than high school. I hadn’t planned on going there either but when it came down to it I decided I wasn’t quite ready to be far away from home like I thought :)
Oops – I forgot my husband. He was brainwashed from birth by his parents. LSU LSU LSU. Bedroom growing up – LSU bedspread. Birthday presents – LSU jerseys and footballs. What do you do on weekends – watch or listen to LSU sports. So – when the time for the decision comes – there is no decision to be made.
Any parent can do this with any child – you just have to start young and keep at it.
They tried with my kids. But I cut that off at the knees. No LSU cheerleader outfits for my toddlers. No Death Valley trike license plates. I wanted my kids to make their own choice. Plus – they were promoting a not very good school, something which I find to be irksome.
Also – what if they don’t get into the “non=choice” school.
Pretty devastating / embarrassing. Sigh.
My parents would pay for any in-state public school. Out of state or private was on our own. I toured three and picked the one I liked best (Clemson!) and have never regretted it.
My parents would pay for any in-state public school, too. However, it was also pretty clear growing up where I was expected to attend–the biggest/best/flagship university where family members had attended and also was in our town. That’s the only place I applied(!) back in 1998. Luckily I got in. I would have enrolled as a provisional student if I hadn’t. I spent my first year living at home to help save money, but it felt too much like high school so I moved to the dorm my 2nd year. I had a good enough college experience. I never thought about going to college anywhere else.
I went to Boston University 2001-2005. If I were to look for a college knowing what I know now, I would probably search along these lines: 1) A college within 2.5 hours of driving time from home… (I personally liked knowing I could go home if I wanted to); 2) A college that had a good “Education” program as I knew I wanted to be a teacher and BU really did have a good one…. we were student teaching by the end of the first year; 3) a campus (BU was lacking in this area…. too big and the buildings were just spread across Commonwealth ave… not really a campus or community). And then visit some and get a feel for them… I remember visiting Burlington during my college search and the drive was 7+ hours. I learned in that trip that I just didn’t want to be that far so in the end, it was a very productive trip.
I suppose I would find out 3-5 things that are important to Rob. Maybe make a list of all the things that COULD be important? And then ask him to rank them at some point in his spare time when he’s not feeling pressured :) Of course these things might change. For example, he may not think driving time is important but then you visit a college 7 hours away and it suddenly goes to the top of the list.
I applied back in the 80s, too, when the Common App was just starting to be a thing, so most people I know only applied to three or four colleges.
I am the youngest of four, and my parents allowed me a lot less freedom to pick schools than my siblings’ had — I wasn’t allowed to consider colleges in major cities or in any location they considered “too far away.”
I got a ton of mail from colleges after I took the PSAT, and I used that and a few college guides (Peterson’s and the Ytale guide, and maybe a few others) to pick places I wanted to visit. I did all my visits the fall of my senior year, fell in love, got in, and when there. I am still glad I went there, so I guess i triumphed either despite or because of my parents’ restrictions.)
I have the worst memory, so my anecdote will be of dubious accuracy.
I graduated at sixteen. Spring of junior year (1996) I went to a college fair and picked up a brochure from an extremely energetic and perky representative from a small southern baptist college in Arkansas (about six hours from home). That fall I went for preview weekend. According to my recollection, it was the only school I applied to. If it hadn’t worked out I would have gone to the local community college for two years. My parents had zero money and I nave zero memory of any kind of consideration of cost in my decision making process. I got some pell grants and some subsidized loans. After I’d been there a week I found out I got a big scholarship.
Biggest consideration was really size and then campus feel, When I went for preview weekend I sat in on a history class, and it was so engaging, I really wanted to go there.
My entering class had an unusually high number of people from the dallas region, so I anecdotally think the school really got its money worth out of that admissions representative,
Oooooh, did the initials rhyme with Yo Vee Blue? #Arkansan
Ouachita! I didn’t mean to be coy.
My personal story–went to the AF Academy because my dad was a colonel and really wanted me there (plus, free) and hated it and ended up dropping out middle of my sophomore year and finished up at a state school near their home (and getting pregnant/married halfway through that and yet still graduating). I have many regrets.
Husband went to U of VT (and lived at home) as a music major. Dropped out after a year and joined a band. After 2 years of not making much money, decided he wanted, in fact, to make money so he went back to school at RIT and got an engineering degree. Always considers himself a musician who does engineering on the side.
All 5 of our kids made different choices– For reference, we are in the DC area.
Oldest (26) wanted to go as far away and rural as possible and went to the University of Maine at Machias. We tried to dissuade due to distance and hassle for all involved (he hadn’t visited the school but we had visited ME as part of a college tour with all the kids). A week after he was there he knew he made the wrong choice but we made him stick it out a year. VERY LONG YEAR FOR ALL INVOLVED. After that, he came back and went to the U of MD and lived in an apartment. Very happy. Lives in Minneapolis now with decent job.
Next oldest (25) wanted small and public and not too far away (2.5 hours) (plus, crap grades). She is still there (after taking a few years off in the middle of it and coming home due to anxiety issues, etc). We are hoping she graduates at some point. Has many issues. Our worrisome child.
Next (24) got in to all sorts of top places but ultimately chose state school near home, U of MD. Has fantastic job (engineering degree).
Next (23) applied to only one school, early acceptance, and got in and thus had to go (Va Tech). We visited the campus the first time after she got in and she was happy there for 3.5 years (graduated early due to not changing majors and AP classes). Has good gov’t job. (Math degree)
Youngest (19) loved visiting her sister at Va Tech so she is there now. Plans on staying for 5 years to get her master’s in teaching.
Things I had not considered: the amount of homesickness experienced or not experienced by the kids. Some had it so very bad it broke your heart and some had none. We were wrong with a couple of the kids on who felt what. The loudest 2 kids who COULD NOT WAIT to get away from us turned into the 2 biggest criers on the phone.
By the time I was applying to colleges I knew 2 things: 1) I was basically limited to in-state schools for cost reasons. My parents would be paying tuition & books, plus dorm expenses as a freshman, but what they could afford for that meant in-state. (I did not want student loans.)
2) I wanted to major in Chemical Engineering.
Those factors lead me to apply to only one school, Colorado School of Mines. It’s small & engineering only with a great reputation. Everything I wanted. (I didn’t visit any college campuses. I even think the first time I was at Mines was after I’d been accepted & knew I was going there.) My grades and test scores were high enough that if knew I could get into Colorado University last minute if, heaven forbid, I did not get accepted to Mines. (CU also has a good engineering program, but is known for being quite a party school, which I didn’t want.)
Anyway. I went to Mines, loved it, got my degree, never wished I’d gone anywhere else.
My parents saved so thankfully I did not have to pay for or work whilst in college (early 90s). However, the caveat was that i could only go to public schools and only in state in Virginia. I tried to bargain and present offers of cheaper out-of-state schools in TX, FL and AZ (pre-internet, of course), but no dice. I got good grades, so I got into all 4 schools I applied (and had a fleeting thought to go to the Naval Academy, but then saw the lengthy application process). I think kids today have to be more deliberate and focused about their school, and why they’re going there, and have a plan to get out in 4 years for cost purposes, than I ever had to be (I ended up majoring in Economics, minor in history..worked in financial services for the last 20 years). Although there was no way my parents were letting me go more than 4 years. I just didn’t have a deliberate plan and focus on how that would transpire going into college.
I applied to several well-known regional schools because I didn’t want to be too far from home and also my parents’ alma mater, ten hours away. Guess which one offered me a full tuition scholarship? I liked the school but was worried about the distance. My parents encouraged me to try it for one year. I stayed for four and loved it.
My husband works at a college, so our kids will get free tuition there or tuition exchange at one of many other schools. We want them to take advantage of the opportunity to avoid student loans, so we’re encouraging them to pick one of the (many) schools in the tuition exchange program.
I grew up in NJ and was applying in the early 90’s. I think because I did well on my SATs, I got a lot of college brochures and I remember saving EVERY.SINGLE.ONE because I didn’t want to “rule out anything”. I also used some kind of guidebook (Princeton Review?). I think it was around the time that I explained to my parents why a Hebrew university in NYC was a possibility (my family is not Jewish, and doesn’t even go to church), also a small liberal arts college on the Oregon coast, that my parents realized I needed help focusing and gave me ground rules:
1. Had to be within a days drive (mom’s rule)
2. Had to have good well rounded offerings in all degrees because it was obvious I didn’t know what I wanted to major in yet (very true).
3. Had to be medium sized or smaller, or have some way of chunking the student body into smaller units (this was actually one requirement I came up with myself).
I ended up going on several college trips my junior year with my dad, focusing on liberal arts schools in the North East. I think we went to Bates, Colby, Rutgers (NJ state university), Connecticut College, Vassar, Brown, Harvard, BU, BC, Dartmouth. I remember loving Brown, hating BU, and thinking the tour guide at Harvard was a ridiculous snob. I was pleasantly surprised by Dartmouth, which I thought I was going to hate and think too conservative and too in the middle of nowhere. I did the typical 2 safeties, 2 decent chances, and 2 reaches. Rutgers and Conn College were my safeties, Vassar and some random school I don’t remember were my decent chances. Dartmouth and Brown were my reaches. I got into Rutgers, Conn College, and Dartmouth (I don’t know how I got into Dartmouth, looking back. I think I amused the interviewers or something). So my choices were a reach school or my two safeties. I ended up at Dartmouth and loved it.
I should add the money side — my parents had saved up for college since the day we were born (by forgoing things like new cars, cars for us as teenagers (I was an exception in our town and hated it!), expensive vacations (camping all the way!), and any request I made for labeled clothes was laughed at and I was told — buy it with your babysitting money. I loved that Esprit shirt, man. My mom did pull me aside and say that if I picked Rutgers (in-state tuition) she would buy me a used car, but I decided on the Ivy. I did get a few merit scholarships but mostly it was paid for with parents savings and luckily for me only a small amount of student loans.
I graduated high school in 1996, and I applied to Dartmouth on a whim- the 14 page application was a challenge that I decided to take on for some reason. I got in and I’m still not sure why. I mean, my grades were good, but not great. Bentley and Babson also accepted me, but I went to UMass Amherst instead.
I am one of 5 children and although not poor, my family did not have tons of money sitting aside to pay for college. I received tons of brochures in the mail from schools all over. There were a few smaller private schools in other states that looked appealing. Ultimately my parents said “You can choose any school you want as long as it is an in-state public school.”
At the time I thought they were being kind of harsh but they were being realistic about the financial implications. They knew that even with an in-state public school I would have to take some loans for a time and did not want me going into debt for a college degree.
We lived about 30 minutes from our state’s flagship land grant research institution. Many members of my family had graduated from there (again, mostly because of money) and in our state there is a strong culture identifying with the athletic programs (similar to what the commenter above stated about LSU).
My parents encouraged me to visit. At the time, the school offered a program where you could actually be paired with a current Freshman and go stay the night in his/her dorm room and attend a day of classes. I did that and had a great time. It ended up being the only school I applied to.
I received a scholarship that paid the tuition for all 4 years. I had to take loans my first year for housing expenses. The next three years my parents were able to pay that. I was required to work at least 10 hours/ week for spending money.
I had lots of friends who had no financial support and took out lots of loans to pay for school. At the time I remember having bouts of jealousy because they had way more “fun” money than I did leftover from their loans. I had plenty of fun in college but was very careful with eating out, shopping, etc… due to my restricted budget (my parents gave me a set amount each month to cover expenses and I had to work for any extra). Sixteen years after graduation I am quite thankful for that experience. It taught me to live on a budget and I was able to pay off my limited student loans in a short amount of time. Those same friends are still paying (what seems like to me) crushing loan payments each month.
All in all, choosing a college was pretty easy for me. My parents were clear in what my options were and once those parameters were set my choice was made. The other in-state public schools were a lot smaller and in smaller towns. I was ready for something bigger. It didn’t hurt that state pride had already put a love for the school in my heart.
Now working at that same large public institution (that’s a long story for another day but I am a great example of “Who says you can’t go home?) my advice when choosing a college would be to consider the following:
1. major — What do you want to be when you grow up? If you already know, then look for schools that will help you get that. If you don’t know and college will be a bit of an “exploratory” mission then consider community college or public schools that are cheaper. I don’t understand spending money or going into debt for a “standard” BA or BS.
2. size/culture — I looooved going to a big school with an emphasis on intercollegiate athletics. It was lots of fun. I truly felt like whatever I wanted to try there was an option. I have a lot of self motivation and am pretty energetic/outgoing so I wasn’t afraid to jump in to something new (usually). However, I have friends (and see students in my current role) who are miserable in this environment. They want and/or need a smaller more intimate environment and feel quite lost on a big campus. Really consider your personality and where you will “fit in.” Academics can easily suffer when a student is not also thriving in his/her environment.
3. money/value — what does it cost? What can the student/family afford? Again, depending on major/career path a degree is a degree is a degree. If someone has a specific career path in mind he/she should also be considering the co-curricular experience. Maybe my degree from “generic public school” is not as prestigious (although I think this is untrue) but I made sure my co-curricular experiences boosted me. I did internships, found leadership opportunities, worked, took some really cool electives. It all mattered. When I was ready to go to grad school I easily got in and then received a prestigious 3-year fellowship at a gov’t agency. My fellowship classmates included people with degrees from small state schools and more prestigious private schools. What we all had in common was a clear path and the “extra” stuff.
4. Don’t be afraid to change your mind — maybe you visit a school and it’s your dream. Then you go there and the reality does not equal the dream. You can transfer! I don’t say this lightly and I encourage students to really consider the reasoning behind what is going on and why they may want to leave (you still have to go to class and work hard at another school for instance!). However, ultimately, what seemed like a good fit initially may not be and that’s okay too!
I feel like I’m rambling now so I’ll stop. Hopefully this is helpful or at the very least interesting.
I fell in love with a tiny weirdo college called St. John’s, where all students pursue the exact same liberal arts curriculum. I was a tiny weirdo myself and everything I read and heard about it seemed perfect for me and I was sure it was where I wanted to go.
Then I started dating someone who was a couple years older than me, and was looking at moving to Atlanta when he graduated, which would be the same year I would start college (I took two years off between high school and college so the age gap wasn’t as big as it sounds). Neither of us wanted to do long-distance, so just to see, I researched schools in Atlanta. I found one that was similar to St. John’s in some ways, but much more “normal” — students had regular majors and such, but about 25% of the curriculum was a shared liberal arts core. I really liked that school as I looked into it, and decided that maybe it was okay to move a tad closer to the mainstream.
I ended up winning a scholarship competition for Oglethorpe, the Atlanta school, so I was pretty much sold on it and I don’t think I even applied anywhere else. My boyfriend and I broke up before I started and he didn’t end up moving to Atlanta anyway, but I’m still glad the relationship pointed my search in that direction because it was a great school for me.
Random notes on other factors: it was a small private school, which I knew I wanted. It was several states away from my hometown — a full day’s drive or a short flight. I didn’t have particular preferences about being close to home or far away, but it was nice to have the feeling of total independence and being on my own. The down side was not being able to easily go home for long weekends and even Thanksgiving break. I spent those holidays with the families of good friends I met in college, but it probably would have been sad for me if I hadn’t been able to do that. I don’t think I would have wanted to go farther away… it was nice that I could get home in a single (looong) day of driving rather than having to fly or get a hotel room on the way.
My parents have seven children, and we were told from a young age (6th grade-ish) that we would be paying for college ourselves. With that much notice, we knew we had to get good grades in order to get scholarships, be really good at a sport, consider joining the military, work and save, or forgo college altogether. We all chose the path that was right for us.
My oldest brother started out with a baseball scholarship to a small university 8.5 hours from home, but two weeks into his first year his baseball coach quit. That was his main reason for choosing said university, so he transferred to a state school back in Ohio that had given him a full ride for academics. They hadn’t started classes yet, so he was able to move back just in time and he was also able to join the baseball team. He didn’t really care for it there, so after the first year he transferred again, this time to a small college about an hour away from home. He played baseball, and also received many, many academic scholarships. He absolutely loved it there, and made a ton of lifelong friends.
Next oldest brother joined ROTC and the National Guard, and went to a state school about two hours from home for free. Between tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, it took him quite a long time to finish, but he graduated with a degree in history.
I visited five or six colleges all over Ohio, but after visiting my brother several different weekends at the state school he went to, I knew I really liked it there. I applied, got in, and got a decent scholarship from the university. I also applied for a lot of other small scholarships and got one. I took out loans and worked 25-35 hours a week to pay for the rest, plus living expenses, etc. My first choice was actually Ohio State, and I did get in, but they did not offer me much money. $500.00 a quarter wasn’t going to do much for me. In the end I think I made the right choice.
Next brother went to a large state school about 3.5 hours from home on track + academic scholarships. They have a great engineering program, and he loved it there. He still lives in that city and has a great career and wonderful friends he met while in college.
Next brother went to a very good, very expensive private school 2 hours from home. He played football and also got academic scholarships, but still had to take out some sizable loans as well. He did not enjoy his first year (he was injured, just didn’t care for the campus, etc.) and decided to transfer to the state school that my other brother and I were already attending. They have a great engineering program as well, and he really liked it there. He is still living in the same city and has a great job that he loves.
My youngest brother and sister (twins) did not go to college, but both are working and doing just fine. I think all of us are slightly jealous that they have no monthly loan payments, lol.
Don’t you mean, The Ohio State? Ha – my cousins all went there.
Ha! Yes, I do. THE Ohio State University. There are actual t-shirts that just have the word THE on them. Crazies.
My wealthy grandmother paid for my college (via a 529 set up before I was even born) so cost was not a consideration for us. My parents started dragging me to college tours while I was a freshman so that I could narrow down what type of school I wanted, to then focus on visiting schools in that category. My criteria ended up being: (1) Excellent academics; (2) In a big city; (3) lots of good programs, since I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I also slightly preferred schools where you didn’t have to apply to certain majors or programs before you even got there. My mom said “no farther away than Chicago”…so I went to school in Chicago! (Really the super-nerd feel of my school was what sold me.)
I told my daughter who did not have a first choice school that she would end up at the school she needed to be at. Sure enough that’s exactly what happened. We took her to see urban schools, remote ones, medium and large so she knew what environment she wanted. She received a fantastic scholarship package at a very urban school but turned it down since it wasn’t the right fit for her. It’s a very stressful time for the parents. Join Grown & Flown on facebook.
I applied to one school: Kansas State. It was 2 hours from home, affordable (thankful for my parents’ help), and the people I met were so incredibly welcoming, and that welcoming culture persisted throughout my 4.5 years there.
Visits really are the best. Take advantage of all of them, even after you’ve decided or been admitted. I felt like I knew my around when I showed up for real.
One of the very best pieces of advice I received about college came from our beloved Dean of Students: find someone who knows you are here.
I grew up in a conservative Christian denomination and was told from an early age that the only colleges I could consider were those within that denomination. I picked the one that was farthest from home while still being within a day’s drive. (I wanted to go to the one in California but my mom put her foot down and wouldn’t even let me apply. That still stings.)
I don’t know how I would have decided on a school if I’d not had such a narrow choice. I have always told my daughters that their college choice is only limited by their ability to get scholarships to pay for it; I have a specific $$ amount I can pay and will agree to borrow another specific $$ amount, but after that they’re on their own for funds (and I will also limit the amount they borrow themselves). My older daughter who will be a freshman this fall did not do so well in the scholarship-obtaining and so will be going to community college this fall; I think I talked about that in your last post. Before that decision was made she was looking at schools very close to home. My younger daughter is a lot more independent and I suspect she’ll look farther afield.
I went to UMass, because at that time they were attempting to raise their image by raising the entry SAT scores and class placement. Because I test well, and was in the top 10% of my graduating class, I got a tuition waiver for the first year. That, combined with a bunch of other small scholarships meant my freshman year was pretty much cost free. Money goes a lot further when you need to pay for three years instead of four. I didn’t seriously consider any other school.
I was incredibly fortunate in that my parents and my grandparents paid for my tuition and living expenses, and my other grandmother paid for my books. So finances did not factor into my decision. However, this is how I went about choosing my college:
1. I had this idea in my head that I wanted to go back East for college, so my mom and I did a tour of four Ivies and a couple other nearby schools on the East Coast (do I capitalize “Coast”? Looks weird if I don’t.). We tried to spend some time in each CITY, as well, to get a feel for what it would be like to live there. By “some time,” I mean like, a day.
2. We also toured a) a Midwest school which was known for its an excellent journalism program and b) my parents’ alma mater, which was on the West Coast. (I took a separate trip to the West-Coast school with my dad, who had other business there.)
3. Of all the schools I visited, I only really liked two. I think this is because I grew up in a really small, rural town and most of the schools were in big cities. New Haven and Boston and NYC terrified me. Anyway, the *feeling* was a big factor for me. They were all good schools, they all had a lot to offer, and I would have been lucky to go to any of them. But I just wanted to feel comfortable in my surroundings, you know?
4. When it came to applying, I wanted to do early decision because I’d heard there was a (slightly) greater chance of getting into a school if you made it your top choice. This is based on the recollections of a 17-year-old, though, so take THAT into account. So that’s when I really looked closely at the programs my favorites had to offer. My top choice school had a fantastic creative writing program, and I really liked how the coursework was structured and how closely an undergrad could work with established writers. (In fact, the university overall was great because its undergrad program is in many ways the focus of the school. There are – fantastic – graduate programs, but when I was there, it was something like 4500 undergrads and 1500 grad students, so undergraduates really benefited from getting to work one-on-one with professors.) So even though it was a long shot, I applied to my top choice early decision. I also applied to my parents’ alma mater as a backup, even though I’d hated it (another big city with a massive campus), and ordered (?) the application for my second favorite, the Midwest school. But before the Midwest application was due, I’d learned I’d been accepted to my top choice.
So, to recap: the feeling of the place played a big role, and then the programmatic offerings helped me narrow it down further. But I don’t know if early decision is a thing anymore, or if it would even be something you’d be interested in since you may want to compare aid packages before you make a decision.
I feel really grateful to my parents for taking the time and expense to tour the schools with me, so I think it’s wonderful you are doing that with Rob. I do recall being quite a bit overwhelmed by the different places, but it was tremendously helpful. For years, I’d wanted to go to Yale (who knows why) and when I visited the campus, it just wasn’t a good fit for me. So I’m really glad I got to visit in advance.
I have no idea where you live or where you’re looking, but if you and/or Rob want more details about a truly wonderful East Coast university, let me know. It has GREAT financial aid packages – grants, not loans – and I loved my entire experience. The university is also really up-front about the costs and fees, as I see from a quick perusal of the website. Although holy MOLY it is expensive. Gah. The cost of tuition has increased nearly $20,000 since I attended. GAH. Deep breaths. IN ANY EVENT, let me know and I will share more details.
It may or may not be clear that I knew from the get-go that I wanted to be an English major with a focus in creative writing. So that helped. I knew I wanted a liberal arts school that was strong in English and/or creative writing.
Applying early decision / early action still boosts your odds at a lot of places, FWIW:
http://www.collegetransitions.com/early-actiondecision-vs-regular-decision-admission-rates/
Early decision seems to do more, but then it costs more, too, because you are committing to a particular institution before you know how much financial aid you’re getting.
This may or may not be helpful, but I figure my job here is to comment and let you decide. I chose my school based entirely on the financial aid package. I wanted to go to Purdue, which was in state for me but four hours from home. I went for a campus visit fair for prospective incoming science majors with good grades, sat in a room with dozens of intimidating future engineering majors with perfect SAT scores, and was offered a $500 scholarship.
I also applied and interviewed for a full ride scholarship at the public university in my hometown, the one everyone joked wasn’t a very good school, had low standards, etc. it wasn’t the school I wanted but I (thank goodness) took the process seriously. I was offered the full scholarship and my mom basically told me “You’re taking this.” and I realized it kind of was a no-brainer.
So I went to the in-town school, lived on campus, roomed with my best friend since kindergarten, and had an amazing college experience. I learned that you will get out of your university years what you put in, so even at a school that wasn’t THE BEST or THE COOLEST I was able to get a solid education, skills I have used to become a functional adult, and lasting lifelong friendships. And I did it with only one year of student loans after deciding to stay a fifth year and double major. I have zero regrets about taking that scholarship and running vs scraping together financial aid for a hugely more-expensive school.
My tale is a doozy….it is a good example of what can happen when nothing happens, anyway! I went to a very small high school, I had no friends, relatives, siblings that attended college. It was in the 70’s and I guess the parents were not as informed as they are now, without all the seminars, visits or anything. Or maybe it was just us, but anyway I did not have too much guidance. I applied to two local schools, one had the name Saint in it. One was Giant I also applied to a little branch campus of a big State school because my two closest girlfriends were doing that. Then we were going to move to the exciting main campus and have a great experience. I got into all three. I ruled out the Saint one because– get this— I THOUGHT it might be too religious. I watched the Trouble With Angels too much, I think. It wasn’t/isn’t. But anyway, ruled out. Ruled out the branch campus (wisely) because no public transit any I did not drive. Good call there, as the two girlfriends both withdrew. And there you have it. I attended Big Giant College Local. and I resided at home. Never really enjoyed it but did graduate…so there you have it. Always wondered what would have happened if I had made a more informed decision.
When I was in high school I was a homebody, so I knew I had to get away from home. I live in the Twin Cities and there are tons of colleges in the area. I figured if I stayed close I would be running home all of the time. So my criteria were- not a large school, within 3 hours of home and, not in the Cities. I also eliminated a small school that my boyfriend had decided to go to. I had good grades so getting accepted was not my worry. I ended up applying to a small public school that was exactly 3 hours away and a private Lutheran college about an hour away. We toured the public school first- it was fine and perfectly nice. Then we toured the private Lutheran college and I just knew it was the one. I also got three times as much financial aid at the private college, which made it much cheaper than the public university. I spent all four years there and loved it.
For my work study there I worked in Admissions and gave many, many tours to prospective students. It seems that in many cases, things just click and it is easy to tell when you have found “the one”. But, like choosing a baby name, sometimes you just have to like it, not fall in love!
I’m the youngest of 6, and my parents couldn’t contribute to any of our educations, we were on our own. I graduated from high school in 1994. I applied to and got into 5-6 schools, so I made my decision based on financial aid, and how much money I’d have to borrow, which means I went to our state school. I think I was lucky because UMass is actually quite good at chemical engineering, which is what I majored in; the ChE department at Tufts was actually not great at the time, but as an 18YO I didn’t know that overall good schools could have weak departments. With scholarships and the low tuition at UMAss, I ended up with about $17k worth of loans for four years of school; I had to borrow about $3k more to pay for health insurance when I was in grad school, so I have a total of about $20k of loans and my loan payments are reasonable.
I really think that the cost can and should be a major – if not the deciding – factor in this decision. There are so many horror stories now about naive students borrowing enormous amounts of money because “you can’t put a price on education!” but you CAN. People are unable to get married and start families because they are paying off tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans, and it breaks my heart. It’s all well and good to fall in love with a small campus, or a student culture, or the architecture, or what have you, but this is real life and money matters.
That doesn’t mean I don’t think Rob should apply at expensive schools. Scholarships and grants exist! But when the decision has to be made, it’s perfectly fine to decide that your top choice school is just too expensive, even if you’ve been accepted.
So in summary: Money. That’s how I chose.
I had a full academic scholarship to any state school in WI, so that quickly narrowed down my choices (apparently I also could have applied my scholarship to private schools in the state, but I didn’t even consider those for some reason). From there, I wanted something within a couple hours drive of home and that had my major, which left me with 2 options and then I picked the one that felt right. My parents paid for room and board while I was in the dorms, and then gave me a monthly amount when I moved into an apartment with friends. I worked on campus for spending money and any extras.
I did choose a major with a very specific career in mind and then I did two internships in that field and HATED it. The first one I thought was a fluke, but the second one confirmed that I was not cut out for that. So I found another career path with my major that required grad school and chose that school completely based on location, as I planned on living at home. It was a very large university, and I don’t think I would have loved it as an undergrad, but it was fine as a graduate student since you are kind of within your own little community and area of campus (no generals to take!).
I have a freshman this year and we are just starting discussions on this. We are traveling with friends right now with a daughter who is a junior and touring colleges as we go, so it’s great my daughter is getting that exposure and thinking about this early. Love the idea someone mentioned on showing middle schoolers a college application and asking how they would plan to fill it out – I think that will be a nice follow-up to this trip!
Loving these college posts – can you do another on majors and eventual jobs? Part of the reason I think it is so hard for kids to pick majors is “what kind of job would that be”?
Oh, that would be a good post! I second that request!
My preface to all of this is that I think motivated students who are well-adjusted don’t need to find The One School. I don’t think it’s a matter of a perfect fit, zero or nothing. I think I would have been okay at any number of schools, you know? I don’t think the pressure NEEDS to be as high as it is, but I get that it’s a nerve-wracking decision process. Onward!
I graduated from high school 15 years ago, and I was looking for a medium-large university with research for undergrads because I wanted to study chemistry. I’m the second of 2 kids, and we are 4 years apart. I applied to 7 colleges with these results, listed in the order of how much I wanted to go to them. I didn’t apply early decision because at least 1 of the schools was binding, so it was too risky.
1. University of Rochester: accepted, some financial aid with work study
The pull for this one was the prestige of the program, but they made me feel like it would be MY honor to go there (which is true-ish). The price tag was HEFTY, and I would have needed a lot of loans. I visited twice, once over the summer before senior year and once over spring break.
2. University of Delaware: accepted, good financial aid
I got into the honors program, so I felt like the orientation process was much more personalized. I was also interested in joining the marching band, which they folded in to my schedule and stuff. I visited here twice.
3. Cornell: rejected
As soon as I put my application in the mail (because it was the dinosaur times), I thought, “Why did I do this?” I loved visiting the school, but I KNEW it was too high-pressure for me. I probably should have applied to Ithaca or similar. But when I got that rejection letter, I was relieved to eliminate it from the pack.
4. Northwestern: rejected
I had a terrible interview with a graduate from the theater major because I had listed it as one of my interests. It was! I was in all the plays in high school! But dude could tell me NOTHING about the chemistry program, and I was like, “This is not going well.” I didn’t end up visiting, and I didn’t care when I got rejected.
5. University of Washington at St. Louis: waitlisted
This is another application, sight unseen, no skin off my back when I got waitlisted. I don’t remember if I was ever officially accepted.
6. Virginia Tech: accepted, virtually no financial aid
I never visited here, either, and when I got the financial aid package, I was pretty much set on not going there.
7. University of Connecticut: accepted, half scholarship
This was the land-grant school of my home state, AKA University of My High School. No way I was going there.
So I ended up deciding between Rochester and Delaware, hence the second trips over spring break senior year. Rochester’s weather and price tag scared me away, and Delaware has a very college-y, Jeffersonian feel. It’s where I pictured myself, sitting on the grass and studying, walking along the brick pathways, etc. So I ended up at Delaware and loving it. I really enjoyed the small class sizes in the honors program but the large enough university to feel anonymous when I wanted to. During sophomore year, I changed my major from chemistry to English, so I was glad that I didn’t go to a highly technical school that might have limited me. Delaware is a 5-hour drive from my hometown with Amtrak back and forth, and that was a good distance for me and my family.
Hope this helps!
I have a good friend teaching at Delaware now! She likes it there.
I love reading all of this advice. You have some smart readers!
My university decision was easy. I knew the program I wanted and loved the campus. Our application system (Canada) allows you to apply to 3 universities for one fee, so I applied for three, but always said “I applied to X, Y and Z, but I’m only going to X.” Luckily, I was accepted and it was everything I expected it to be!
For my own kids, I feel like the world is so different now and that the cost of higher education has become so ridiculous that I’m not sure every graduate is getting the value you might expect from such an investment. I work in a university and I come across a lot of students on an “exploratory mission”, as Therese put it. I think this is an expensive mistake (in terms of money and time). I,personally, would not invest in higher education unless there was a clear path to a viable career. When a kid is in high school, you have a pretty good idea of what he’s good at and what he likes. Find careers that align with those aptitudes/interests, then work backwards from there for educational/training requirements. Don’t rule anything out due to preconceived notions about the prestige of one institution over another. Don’t be afraid to take a year off between high school and higher education. Sometimes working for a year gives you some good insight into the kinds of jobs that are out there and gives you time to mature a bit. Once you know the program you want, check out the campuses. Every campus has its own vibe and you don’t really know if it’s a fit for you until you visit.
I felt like my parents gave me very little guidance when I was looking for universities, which in retrospect seems kind of weird but they did give us a fair bit of independence on decisions. To narrow down the vast pool of universities I started looking at in-state schools for affordability (I grew up in New York State and had a lot of universities to choose from). I was one of those people who very clearly knew what i wanted to be (a geologist) from a very young age. So that narrowed my pool. Then I visited the three SUNY schools I applied to. The first school I went to had miserable weather (I visited in the winter and it was freezing and windy and awful) and I didn’t like that there were no women professors in the program. I had a great tour at the second school, they were offering great scholarships to students with good grades because they were trying to improve their stats, so I wouldn’t have to take out any loans, and I decided to go there.
To sum up, my decision making was basically:
1) money
2) major
3) vibe I got from school tour (specifically the program tour)
In retrospect, I wish that I had still visited the third university rather than just jumping the gun on the second because I had a good feeling from the tour. I ended up transferring away from that school after two years because I was miserable there, socially speaking. I transferred to the small private liberal arts university in my hometown (I had wanted to move away and be freeeee like a teenager) and I loved it – the small class sizes, the other students, the quality of professors in the program. I had tuition remission there because one of my parents worked there and I ended up graduating with a small amount of debt (<$10,000) that I paid off in one year.
I would greatly stress that going through my adult life without student loans has been a huge, huge, huge benefit to me. It has given me enormous freedom to move and travel, to pursue a graduate degree, to live on one income as a family with young children…I can't emphasize enough to people how freeing it is. My husband's parents paid for his university degree so he was debt free and it is the greatest gift they could ever have given us.
I wanted a specific major, and in-state (Arizona) school was in the budget. Thankfully, a school a five hour drive from home had the major and was in-state, so I went there. I did want to get away and have the “real” college experience (dorm life, etc). Most of my high school friends went to the same school, which I think was a nice buffer. The school was smaller than the two other major state universities, and I think that was also a very good transition. I later changed my major and transferred to the state university in my hometown and it was so big (40,000-ish students) and intimidating, I don’t know that I would have been successful there if I’d gone as a freshman.
Also, when I went to school, all Arizona residents were guaranteed acceptance of we applied by a certain date and met (very low) grade requirements, so getting into my school of choice wasn’t an issue (though my grades were fine)
I started college in 2000, for reference. I actually knew what major I was interested in before starting my search, which was a good starting point for narrowing, because not every school offered it. I had good grades and test scores, and my parents told me I wasn’t supposed to worry about the money part (though I did end up with loans, they weren’t too burdensome – still paying them back, though.) Anyway, my father was very anxious about the whole process, which he dealt with by printing reams of information off of the internet about various schools, and I was supposed to read everything and make some kind of ranking system. I visited several campuses – two nearby (one private, one public – I considered that one my “safety” school), one private one in a neighboring state (had to fly there; never applied after spending a night on campus – the student culture was very unappealing to me), one Ivy out of state, another private school in the same state as the Ivy (those trips were combined into one, which happened to coincide with a work trip for my father), and a public school in a neighboring state, about a three hour drive away. (That is a lot of traveling now that I think back!!) I also applied to but did not visit another private school (it was the farthest away and I considered it my “reach” school). So, I visited 6 schools, and applied to 6, but didn’t apply to one that I visited and did apply to one that I didn’t visit. I got accepted everywhere but the “reach” school I hadn’t visited. When it came time to decide, I was torn between the far away Ivy and the private school close to home (in my same city). Ultimately, I chose the nearby school. Honestly, I think my high school boyfriend who would still be in high school another year was a big factor in my decision (not that he knew that – plus we broke up like 3 weeks into my freshman year). Everything turned out well, though it took me some time to really get excited about going to college in my own home town. I majored in what I thought I would major in, went on to get a graduate degree, and still work in that field. I’m probably some kind of unicorn for stumbling into my career interest as a high school student, though.
I was lucky enough to get into MIT in early admission around the winter of 1999. I then only applied to Harvard, the only other school I thought I’d consider if I were to get accepted, and Georgia Tech, just in case the finances of MIT or Harvard didn’t work out. I did NOT get into Harvard and I could write so so so much about this, but for a couple of very bad reasons covered up by a couple of better sounding ones, I ended up tearfully choosing on the last day I had to make the decision, maybe May 1? to go to Georgia Tech where my boyfriend at the time was going. In some ways it was related to the expenses; we didn’t get much financial aid from MIT, my dad is very fiscally conservative and so my parents had a decent amount in savings, but even he was very encouraging of my choosing MIT even though it was looking like at least $25k a year. My mom was more worried about the finances, especially things like flying home to GA from Massachusetts on the reg. Another consideration is the HOPE scholarship in GA, which allows students with a B+ average or higher to go to public universities basically for free. If only I had thought in advance about all this, and the real possibility that I would go to GA Tech, I would’ve applied for a great program there where a select group gets like EVERYTHING all expenses paid, and lots of rockstar opportunities like travel abroad even. It’s called the Presidential Scholarship there, but I think it’s just at the two main GA public universities? So two big regrets– I think I should’ve gone to MIT, and figured the expenses out somehow, talked to the finaid offices more, and second, actually considered earlier on that I might really go to GT for money and found out about the Presidential Scholarship and other opportunities that would’ve made going to a big state school more enriching. I think I did do pretty well at GT overall, graduated in 4 years with no debt, but ended up picking up my share of student loans a few years later when I went to NYU for my masters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom worked at a local college, so my choices were limited to universities that participated in the Tuition Exchange Program (there are hundreds, so it was a good way to focus my search at the beginning).
I also didn’t want to be too far from home, for two reasons: 1. Logistics. I wanted to be able to come home easily on school breaks (no flights, and an easy drive for my parents as I didn’t have a car), and 2. My serious boyfriend was already away at school about an hour from our hometown (he is 2 years older than me) and I wanted to be close enough to be able to see him. That last reason is a bit embarrassing to admit, because I didn’t want to be “that girl” making all her important life decisions based in a relationship, but we ended up staying together and are married now, so it all worked out for the best!
The program was the next most important factor. I wanted to pursue an arts degree but also wanted to maximize my chances of success post-grad (the starving artist thing was not my jam). I remember touring a BEAUTIFUL campus that I absolutely loved, and then meeting the faculty who seemed to have absolutely no idea what was going on. So that school was crossed off the list!
I ended up only applying and being accepted to two schools – the one my mom works at, and the one my boyfriend was attending. Choosing which one to attend was much, much more difficult for me than deciding where to apply. I contemplated these two schools for months, waiting until basically the final deadline to choose. I ended up at the BFs school, because of the curriculum (and that it was a bit farther from home… And the BF). I’m sure I would have done great at either school, but I have never regretted my decision! I loved college and was able to secure a job in my field (graphic design) shortly after graduation, and with minimal loans thanks to Mom’s job.
My advice for those who know the field they want to enter into would be to visit your top choice institutions and meet with the faculty or attend a class. If I hadn’t met with the professors at that one gorgeous campus, I never would have known that it definitely wasn’t right for me. I would also say to try not to wait until the deadline to make your decision – while it all worked out fine, I was placed in one of the oldest dorms in a “forced triple” (a regular dorm room but with 3 people living in it instead of 2) since I had waited so long to decide to attend. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it wasn’t the best either.
Lastly, my siblings and I are all within 3 years of age of one another. My parents made my younger brother and sister come on all of my college tours, hoping that it would mean less of them when they were actually ready to apply. And it worked! My sister only visited a couple that I hadn’t, and my brother visited none and applied early decision to the university that Mom works for.
This is complicated.
In Texas, everyone applies to UT and A&M, so I did. I got accepted to both. At my mom’s urging, I also applied to a small private school and a few out of state schools. But where I really wanted to go was the US Air Force Academy. I worked REALLY REALLY hard and was in ROTC for three years. I got the congressional nomination. I passed the physical fitness test. I got the hundred letters of recommendation. My back up was A&M corp of cadets. So March rolls around and I get accepted everywhere–even the USAFA, but provisionally, if I go to a summer prep school.
Unfortunately, between applying and being accepted, a lot of bad stuff happened, particularly in my ROTC program–one of our teachers (who I loved) was arrested, a close friend lost his arm in a car accident, several freshman girls had abortions, another close friend got leukemia. I was promoted to battalion commander (basically highest ranking student) and it was horrible. I went and visited the Corp of Cadets in A&M and it was MORE OF THE SAME BS. (When they laughingly told us that women weren’t allowed rooms on the first floor because too many boys broke into the windows and raped them, I was even less willing to go there!)
In the meantime I visited the small private school only a half hour from home and I loved it. They gave me a scholarship that made it the exact same price as the state schools (UT and A&M) and they had the major I wanted. So I sent in my money in. I was going to SEU!
A week later, I got a letter in the mail saying that enough people dropped out of the program and that HEY! You’re accepted to the USAFA!!!!
I was devastated. It was HORRIBLE. Everyone was telling me what to do, and congratulating me, and I just felt sick. I had already decided on the private school and had been really happy. I felt like no matter what I did I would be making a mistake.
I ended up going to the private school. I got a lot of flak from people, and my dad still brings it up sometimes. But I loved my college and I met my husband there and I think I made the right choice. There were actually a ton of rapes the year I would have been a freshman at USAFA and, strangely, my husband ALMOST went there as well but on the condition that he not take his medication any more. (He decided that he needed the meds and had other full-ride options.)
So that’s my college choosing story!
Oh my goodness that’s a horrifying story and I am so very glad you did not go there.
My dad was in the AF & jokingly tried to get me to apply to the USAFA. I hate planes and am very independent with a dislike of people telling me what to do. Needless to say, I didn’t apply.
For age reference, I attended college from 2000 – 2004.
My brother is a year older than me, and our parents started taking us to visit colleges when he was a sophomore (I was a freshmen). Because both my brother and I had really good grades and test scores, my dad fondly expected us to go to “big name” colleges…not necessarily an Ivy League but definitely some place with name recognition. We were visiting places like Duke, Vanderbilt, MIT.
Unfortunately, my father unexpectedly passed away my sophomore year of high school. I think that completely changed our college trajectories. Money was tighter, although my Mom still encouraged us to go to whatever school we wanted to and offered to help pay for it. My brother ended up deciding to go to the University of Central Florida in our hometown on a full-ride scholarship.
I applied to Duke, Vanderbilt, Amherst, Swarthmore, and Furman. I thought I wanted to go to Swarthmore, a highly-ranked liberal arts college, mostly because I guess I was clinging to my father’s notion that name recognition was important. I also thought that I had worked so hard in high school that I *deserved* to go someplace special/highly-regarded. But when I finally visited Swarthmore, I didn’t love it. I didn’t like the cold; I didn’t like Philadelphia. Also, I didn’t get any scholarships from Swarthmore, Amherst, or Duke. I got a very small scholarship from Vanderbilt. I ended up going to my “safety” school, Furman (a small university in SC), on a full-tuition scholarship. And I loved my time there. It was the right choice for me, even though it felt at the time like a default choice.
My brother and I are both pretty pragmatic and thrifty, and, even though my mother offered to help pay for our tuitions at other schools, we chose the cheapest options. We are both currently gainfully employed in jobs we enjoy with no school debt.
I was the first in my immediate family to go to college, so I didn’t have much guidance on choosing one or how financial aid and loans work. Fortunately, I was an excellent student, so I was accepted everywhere I applied: an out-of-state school extremely prestigious in what I (thought I) wanted to study, an in-state public school, a larger private liberal arts in-state school, and a small liberal arts college down the road from where I grew up. I thought I wanted to go at least an hour away, but after touring campuses and looking at financial aid packages, I ended up at the small liberal arts college which (I got lucky) was absolutely the right choice for me. I’m a hands-on learner with a lot of varying interests, so the small class sizes and emphasis on different components of the curriculum was a perfect fit for me. I also ended up a lot more homesick than I originally imagined, so it was great to be so close to home.
I graduated in 2008 with about $20K in loans, but I got my MA completely for free with the work I did and connections I made while I was there. My loan payments are manageable, and I have a good job in my (non-STEM, traditionally “useless”) field. Knowing what I know now, I probably could make slightly better financial decisions and have lessened the burden a little—but it was the whole process that got me where I am now, and I am quite happy where I am.
My best advice would be to pick a well-rounded school, as even the applicants who are the most certain of their majors/programs may very well change during college (do any of the admissions folks have stats on that?). I took plenty of AP classes in high school and had to fight in some cases to get them to count, so that information is good to have from the admissions office, and something I wish I’d paid more attention to during the application process. I would also take into consideration Rob’s learning/working style—I do way better when I develop even a small personal connection with a professor, which is why small classes actually taught by professors worked so well for me. This could actually be a benefit of community college as well, depending on which one and the number of seats in the classes.
I am the oldest of 5, and my parents told me that I could attend any school I wanted…in the state of Kansas. I think the application was a formality because in 1991, if you had a high school diploma from a Kansas school, you were admitted. I chose the University of Kansas, and I had a wonderful experience. It was far enough away that it was “away” (45 minutes), but close enough that I could come home and work on the weekends. It was a big school, but I was able to find my niche and didn’t get lost in the crowd. I am very lucky that my parents paid for my books, room and board and tuition, but I split the fees for my sorority with them since it was an extra expense. I did end up with some student loan debt because one of my parents had me take out a loan to “replenish their savings” and then stopped paying on the loan when I was in grad school, so I took it over. Choosing a graduate school was more interesting, as I applied to several places. Cost was not a factor, as the graduate programs had tuition waivers and students received a stipend. I was accepted to Wash U in St. Louis and was planning to attend there, but I decided to go to the Emory recruitment weekend since I had never visited Atlanta. It felt like home, and I had a great experience in my 5+ years there. I mention my grad school search to add data points to what previous commenters have said: 1. You can go to a good state school and still attend a prestigious graduate school (and save a lot of money) and 2. Definitely go and visit the school to experience it. I would have been fine going to Wash U, but I don’t know that I would have been as happy as I was at Emory.
I only applied to two schools. One a public university a few hours from my hometown and the other a private, Catholic university that was several hours from my hometown. I visited both schools and ultimately ended up choosing the public school. I honestly don’t know exactly why I picked it over the other. I enjoyed my college experience, but looking back I would do it a lot differently. I had a lot of high school friends who went to various schools across the country and I would visit them and think “oh this is a neat school, I wish I would have known about it…” My parents, while overwhelmingly generous and paid for my education, were kind of hands-off when it came to the actual process. When I went to look at the two schools I applied to, I was tagging along with friends who were also thinking of going to the school. Which is not to say that I blame my parents for anything, I think their approach was more like, “you’re an adult who should pick what school you want to go to and it’s not really for us to say where we think you should go.”
I do recall taking online quizzes about what schools were a good fit for me, I spent hours reading the Princeton Review’s book reviewing colleges. And I distinctly remember the overwhelming consensus was that the vast majority of people end up liking the school the choose and are happy there which I do think it true. I think I just have a touch of personal regret about not being a little more adventurous about my school choice and I probably would have benefited from a little more guidance from like a HS counselor perhaps which I didn’t have either.
I heard about my college in 10th grade Spanish class. It was where my teacher went. It is a private liberal arts college and is relatively small – about the size of my high school in a town of 5,000. The small part is what peaked my interest. I didn’t have a word for my introversion at the time, but I was terrified of going to a university with class sizes bigger than my graduating class of 140. It is a fairly prestigious place and definitely the most expensive in the state. I learned about it, did well on the ACT. I applied there, and only there. I had other applications filled out, but didn’t send them in once I was accepted to my small school. I applied for scholarships and attended solely on scholarships and grants. Blessed. Lucky. Dumb. Whatever. It seems risky all these years later, but it worked for me.
I went to a Junior (community college except with sports and dorms) college in my hometown. I had sworn up and down my whole life that I would never go there. Everyone I knew went there and I didn’t want to be like everyone else. But my parents said that my top-choice private school was too expensive so I applied yo the junior college and ended up getting a books and tuition scholarship. So that sealed the deal. I lived at home for those 2 years and had 2 part time jobs and saved everything I made during that time. The classes were fun and interesting and I ended up graduating with a 4.0 which landed me some better scholarships when I transferred to my top-choice private school. Because I worked and saved during those first 2 years I didn’t have to work during the school year at my private school and could focus on my studies (which I needed to do because the classes were much harder than the community college classes). I ended up graduating summa cum laude from my top-choice private school but for a fraction of what it would have cost had I started as a freshman. I know community colleges have a stigma, but it really was the best choice for me. I do have to say though that going to CC and then transferring is really tricky if you don’t work very closely with an advisor to make sure your classes will actually transfer. You won’t save nearly as much if it still takes you 3 years to finish at the school you transfer into. I was able to graduate college in 2 years after I graduated from CC becauae of great advisors at both schools.
My story is short though my disclaimers are many. My top criteria for college were: 1) not a tiny school and 2) far enough away that I wouldn’t get surprise visitors, but close enough to come home for a weekend when I wanted to. I went to the state school my dad went to, like a lot of the kids at our high school. I majored in English. This was the only school I applied to since I got in on early decision. I enjoyed my time there and got a job after graduation. My parents paid for my undergrad degree and would have paid wherever I wanted to go (whether or not that would have been easy/wise).
THAT SAID, years later I am not really using my degree at all and I wish I had done a lot of things differently in my 20s which would have helped me be further along NOW. However, even with that, I think I went to the right SCHOOL; I just think I should have been more honest and practical about what I was going to do for a career. Or maybe I just WISH that were possible — the fact is that the life I thought I wanted, I had for a while, decided I didn’t want it, and REAL LIFE GROWING UP like happens to most of us LOL. I can clearly see where different decisions would have been helpful…but I also know that without taking the exact path that I did, I wouldn’t have the life I have NOW, which contains many many things and people I LOVE, so…I just don’t have the right mindset to be too upset about it, even if I do, in the spirit of answering your question honestly, feel the need to include all these details.
College should prepare you for a job and adulthood in some way. Hopefully in enough ways to justify the money and time involved. I will encourage my kids to think about the KIND of college experience they want to have, as well as the job they want to have, and in our case, the tuition will be much more a part of the discussion than it was for me when I was deciding. (Haiku version: I think it is foolish to take on massive debt for an undergrad degree. They mean so little and pay so little ROI – the grad degrees are where it matters more “where” you go for networking and such.)
Might as well tell my husband’s story as well, because we ended up at the same college (we met there freshman year) but via very different routes.
He was your classic big fish in a small pond in his hometown. Nearly everyone there that went to college went to the local state school. He could have gone there for free due to his grades/test scores, but felt strongly that he was destined for bigger and better things, basically. His dream was to attend the school we both ended up at, which for him was a 14 hour drive away. He got no financial aid and his parents took out a lot of of those horrible private loans. They agreed to pay off the first year, and the last three were his. So he had a MOUNTAIN of student debt (well, for the time. Something on the order of $70k). It was, by most metrics, a bad decision made by a 17 year old who didn’t know any better without any real guidance. However, the school/major has served him well, and the jobs we’ve both ended up with pay well enough that we can afford his loan payments without a problem. Plus, he met me there and so without that bad decision there would be no us, and no kid!
I recently graduated from a selective public university in Missouri this past May.
I’m the oldest of four, so I was the first kid to go off to college. I looked at schools that were affordable, provided a quality education, and were within driving distance of where my family lived (St. Louis). While my parents had saved up to be able to cover my tuition really anywhere, I didn’t want to drain the college funds for my siblings because that would be a total jerk move, so I only looked at schools that were inexpensive to begin with or offered a very nice scholarship package. At that point in my life–being a sheltered, inexperienced, cautious 18 year old–I didn’t even entertain the idea of leaving the Midwest (four years later, I have grown as a person to the point that I wish I could go back in time, slap my 18 year old self across the face, and give her a stern lecture about trying new things and new places and how being uncomfortable and scared is very unpleasant but usually leads to oodles of Personal Growth). But alas, I chose a school about 3.5 hours from my house in St. Louis that a good portion of my graduating high school class also chose to attend. The safe choice, if you will. And it wasn’t a bad choice; I majored in something I liked, joined a few clubs, was part of a non-greek social sorority, and graduated on time, debt free. It was only four years of my life, which seemed enormous while I was picking a college, because HELLO I DON’T WANT TO SPEND FOUR WHOLE YEARS OF MY LIFE IN A HELLHOLE THAT I HATE OMFG STRESS STRESS STRESS, but it’s really not that long a time and will be over before your son knows it. Even though I never was in love with my school, and never felt great pride in it, and would pick a different school if I had to do it all over again, everything turned out completely fine!
Here’s what I’d focus on looking for:
1. Quality of education. Professor niceness and willingness to help, class sizes, availability of classes, opportunities for research and internships and connection-making with people that can get him a job out of college, study abroad programs.
2. Quality of the on campus community. Access to mental health resources (college is a terrible time for mental health. The resources, like counseling, should be there because your child will most likely need them at some point), clubs and organizations, the food available at the dining halls, the dorms, diversity of people.
3. Quality of the off campus community. Things to do, cost of living, weather, part time job prospects that have the flexibility that college kids need. The college I went to was in an awful, tiny, rural, conservative town. I would have been a lot happier if I had chosen a school in a city, for cultural purposes. But, the town was ridiculously cheap (like $200/m for a decent apartment cheap) which made it a whole lot easier to live in. He’s got to decide what he values and needs most. I also highly recommend him getting a part-time job later on down the road, because it’s a nice reality check that’s a hell of a good motivation for doing good in school, money is always nice, and being a part of the community in a way that’s not related to school is important.
Plot twist: My family quite suddenly and unexpectedly moved to the UK my senior year of college. So after I graduated, I immediately flew out and joined them, and have been roaming around Europe for the past two months. I’m trying to get a job in London and stay here permanently. This is not a situation I EVER could have predicted or envisioned for myself. No one hear has really even heard of Missouri, much less the small school I went to. What matters is that I have a degree; the college that I got it from has become completely irrelevant.
TL;DR: Basically, a lot can change from your original plan. The college you pick is an important decision because it involves four years of your life and shouldn’t be made lightly. HOWEVER. The end point is a degree in his hand, and as long as he’s not going to an Ivy League that carries a lot of weight with the name, the college he ends up going to and graduating from DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. He’s going to make wonderful, beautiful friendships, and drink a copious amount of cheap alcohol, maybe dabble in various illicit substances if he’s really wacky, and go on late night adventures, and pretend to be a adult then slowly become one, and learn an unbelievable amount about himself and who he is as a person, form lasting opinions about the world and develop morals and values based on real life experience, and grow like he never has before. He’s going to leave a completely different person. And he can do this really at REALLY ANY COLLEGE. Honestly the important thing is to not go into paralyzing debt that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Pick a school that he gets a good vibe from, is inexpensive, and has a decent academic program and he’s set.
This website is also super helpful: https://colleges.niche.com/
I am not sure this will help because it was the 70s and things were just so different.
My teachers and guidance counselor looked at the total package (me) and suggested a lot of different things I might want to go into, and pointed me towards colleges they liked. I sent away for brochures and I got a lot of ideas about crafting my ideal college experience. Staff of all types wrote to me and offered informative phone calls and campus tours. We booked a tour at Butler University in Indianapolis over Christmas break, because my parents had gone there for an NCAA tournament and thought it was a great school. My dad got one look at the fees after the tour, and with the finesse of a getaway driver, we were outta there. Butler was cheap compared to the east coast school brochures I’d been looking at. It was a gloomy ride home. My mom made a push for me to apply to a an all-girl Catholic college and hoped I might find a vocation to become a nun, because she really did hope one of her three girls would become one. I crushed this dream without a second thought. My dad thought I should consider a technical college because they seemed like they had high placement after graduation. I was also getting military recruiters sending me stuff (one included a pair of tube socks!). It was my first real experience of getting on a mailing list.
Since I wasn’t going to get a dream experience, and everything my parents talked about seemed so dreary, I lost interest. Finally my dad had enough and said to apply to Purdue, or plan on getting a minimum wage job after graduation if I intended to live with them. I did, but not until the last minute. I got accepted and felt only a good feeling that now they would get off my back. There was a really large freshman class that year, so I got on a waiting list for a dorm. I was kind of glad, thinking that now I didn’t have to go. I threw my parents a bone–maybe it was a sign, I should just go to the branch campus nearby and commute. No dice. My dad said they didn’t have enough majors and I was go. ing., end of story. My parents got busy.
First my mom put the word out and lo and behold, a girl in my class had gotten early acceptance and was willing to put me down on her dorm room form so we could room. When I found out who it was, I said no. I did not feel like I could room with this person, I wanted to get away from my town, I felt forced, and I just could not. I believe she cried and of course we never spoke again. I later learned she only lasted a year and became an EMT. (I am sorry, Debbie. I truly don’t believe you would have enjoyed living with me. Maybe I did you a favor? Gah.)
Second my dad started looking for off-campus housing. We took a trip to scout some out, and even try to match with another girl who was looking. Finally a spot worked out, with two older girls who would need a third. It was not an optimal freshman experience, and I high-tailed it to the dorms after that year. I really would have gotten off to a better start with the support of peers and the structure of dorm life. Ah well.
In the end Purdue worked out very well for me, a lucky thing for sure. It was at the time a land-grant university, and as a resident I attended for very low fees. This was great since I had to use loans and work/study for almost the whole thing. I got a great education that has served me well. I am truly sad that it’s so hard to pay for college now. I am so incredibly fortunate that I was able to have this advantage.
In case you are considering any Massachusetts schools, this may be useful for you. I haven’t read it carefully, so maybe it’s not. http://www.mefa.org/state-lowers-rate-college-loan-undergrads/
I have no idea if this will help but here goes…
I went to college in 1988 (am old). I grew up in Massachusetts. I wanted to major in computer science so I looked for state schools (financial reasons) that had programs in that. I also wanted to be within driving distance of home. Not too close but close enough to get there for a weekend if needed. My mom took me to visit a few from a list I had compiled from one of those giant books they used to have. I found I really hated some of them and narrowed my selection down to 3. I really wanted to go to a large school so UMASS Amherst was my first choice. I also was pretty seriously into photography and was repeatedly encouraged to go to school for that. A classmate a year ahead of me was attending RIT and I knew they had one of the top photo programs in the country. So… I applied. I figured that was my reach school and I’d never be able to afford it but why not see if I could get in.
I got into all four schools. I went to visit UMASS and loved it. Paid my deposit and everything. Then my dad (who was also a photo buff) took me to Rochester to check out RIT. We stepped onto campus and I felt like I was home. (also how I have bought all 3 actual houses I have lived in as an adult) That was that. Let go of the UMASS deposit. Paid RIT. I did get a good bit of financial aid but also had some loans and my mom paid a good chunk of it.
I stayed there 2 years, got burned out, financial situation changed with my mom’s remarriage (I suddenly had THREE parents.) and got my associates before transferring to a SUNY school downstate for graphic design. Now, I still say one of the best years of my life was my freshman year at RIT. I’m still friends with the people I met there, there are 6 of us women that get together at least once every year. They are my people.
The name of RIT got me into the SUNY school and all my credits transferred, classes waived, basically whatever I wanted, but after one semester I left, moved back to Rochester and worked and lived with my friends. I had friends at SUNY but I missed my people.
That summer I woke up one day and decided I HAD to move to Arizona. I have no idea why. Never even wanted to visit previously. So, I found a school that had every kind of art I could want and out-of-state tuition that was less than Mass in-state-tuition. I applied, got in, and moved to Arizona. Finished school, loved the weather (snow in winter but dry, perfect summers), hated the people. (Sorry Arizona peeps.)
Moved home after graduation. Moved back to Rochester. Met husband (who was getting ready to graduate from RIT), had kids, got job at RIT. (RIT was totally the right choice – even with some loans.)
Now, my kids can go here for free tuition or use a tuition waiver. So far the oldest two go here and both love it. There are a ton of majors, it’s a pretty big school but feels smaller because of class sizes and well, I’m not sure why but it just doesn’t feel huge once you settle in. It has an actual campus (this was always something I personally really wanted). The kids have loans for room & board but it will be a small amount compared to many of their peers. (We insisted they live on campus and they all WANT to live on campus so…) My third will be attending RIT in the fall and my fourth is already planning on attending here although he will also be applying to MIT next year.
My oldest only applied here for journalism – early decision. Figured if he didn’t get in he’d go to community college and reapply after a year. Got in. Loves it.
My 2nd applied here, UMASS Amherst, and Syracuse University for physics. He was more interested in playing for a D1 soccer school. He got into all 3 but didn’t make the teams in the last cuts so decided less loans was better. Also, closer to girlfriend (still together) and can come home to coach his brother’s soccer team.
The 3rd only applied here early decision for new media design. Also figured he would go to community college if he didn’t get in and reapply. Got in. Can’t wait.
Fourth is going into engineering. Will definitely get in here. Who knows about MIT.
As you can see, they are all very different personalities and interests and yet they have all found their tribe here. So big is not necessarily bad.
Hope this is somewhat helpful.
I was looking at colleges in 1992, so pre-internet information; everything I knew came from the many many brochures they mailed me after I took the PSAT, plus I had some Big Book of Colleges I would refer to. I grew up in California and wanted to go out of state, but not too far out of state, and I wanted a small college because I went to a small high school and was not ready for the mega-campus (I grew up near UC Berkeley, and was well-acquainted with how that campus felt). At the time I thought I wanted to be an English major so I wanted a school that was strong in the arts. So I narrowed in fairly quickly to small liberal arts colleges in Oregon, of which there are MANY. Went on a road trip with my mom and visited…four? I think? I had a favorite going in, based on the brochures they had sent me, and was surprised that I really didn’t like it all that much. The other ones were fine but not great. On the way back we spontaneously stopped at one that hadn’t even been on my radar, and I fell in love with it. I liked the campus and the vibe and I just…felt comfortable there, I guess. I ended applying there Early Decision and got in. It was the only place I applied to, which I would not recommend; in retrospect it seems really dumb, but I guess I was pretty confident I would get in. I had a great experience; it was exactly the right place for me. BTW I ended up majoring in chemistry but am still so glad I went to a liberal arts college; I love how well-rounded my education was and that I was able to get a B.A. in a hard science. Honestly I think it’s more important to decide on a school based on the fact that you’re basically going to live there for 4 years. It could have the best professors in the world in your ideal major but if you’re miserable because the school is in a tiny podunk town, or if the general campus climate doesn’t suit you, it’s not going to be a good experience. I think just about any college will probably serve its students just fine from an academic perspective, so it’s important to consider the overall vibe/feeling/culture.
I applied to exactly one school and got in with a full scholarship. I chose it because I wanted to live at home and not have to pay for anything. (Meanwhile, I held as many as three jobs in addition to a full course load for four years.) Here’s what I think: Unless you’re doing something extremely specialized, the college you go to matters less than what you do there. I got a free education at a good-enough school and am doing EXACTLY what I’d be doing had I gone somewhere that cost $40k/year. For most of the college population, it really doesn’t matter which specific school you go to. Yes, I’m less impressive at cocktail parties when I say I only went to the University of Utah, but that’s been my only disadvantage.
I definitely had some preferences — I felt I would do better at a small school than at a big state one. My parents had some rules — no going to the West Coast was one, for example, and a college counselor helped point me at schools that were a good fit for my grades/scores. The college visits really helped, and the second I walked on campus at Wellesley, I felt a click. It was exactly the right place for me and I knew it. I think that must have shown in my interview, and when I applied early decision, I got in. Do schools even do early decision anymore? The visits were key though. They helped me figure out what I didn’t like, and also showed me I had a decent range of options. My brother had the exact same experience, at Warren Wilson College, which is a completely different sort of school but was the right place for him. Of course, my two best friends from high school ended up changing schools after their first year. It wasn’t the end of the world and they both ended up at schools that were better fits than their first choices.
How I chose my college is unhelpful to you. Short answer: it was chosen for me before I was in kindergarten, and paid for (yes, literally paid for, the actual tuition) before I was five. So. No choice. Interesting story though!
I chose law school on my own. I applied to 11 schools, was dinged on a few, waitlisted on one elite school, and accepted and offered a small scholarship to a really good school. I took the really good school and never looked back, even when the elite school accepted me later. So, basically, I took the best law school I got into that immediately accepted me. I’m pretty lucky in my school debt situation, because damn, law school loans are nothing to screw around with.
Like LeighTX up there, I grew up in a conservative Christian household, and my parents informed me and my older brother early on that they would only pay for us to go to college at one of the universities affiliated with our denomination. My brother decided to attend the one in Arkansas (Harding), and even though I wanted to attend the one in Tennessee (Freed-Hardeman) because it was smaller and closer to home, my parents pushed Harding because N was already there. Soooo, *shrug emoji*, that’s what I did. I went for two years, then circumstances (broken engagement) made me go ’round the bend for a while, and my parents let me transfer to Eastern Illinois, which is about 1.5 hours from my hometown, so I could attend college with my best friend. But being at a “real college,” where alcohol and sex were the recreations of the day (in my defense, it was the 80s, preAIDS. #olde), was not good for my psyche OR my grades, and I transferred back to Harding after a semester, and that’s where I graduated from. My dad paid all my tuition and room and board (at Harding you have to live on campus unless you’re married) so I had no student loans. I will always be grateful for that.
My older son attended UALR, which is about 15 miles from where we live, for two years, but school is not his thing, so he joined the Navy. My younger son went to Pulaski Tech, a local community college, for free last year (scholarships) to get his core classes out of the way, and will be transferring in the fall to UALR. He thought about living in the dorm, but one look at the prices for room and board was a wake-up call, so he’ll be living at home and commuting. Thanks to scholarships, he’ll only have minimal loans when he graduates.
**waves at fellow Harding alumna**
What a small world. I grew up in Little Rock, though live in NWA now (stayed after graduating from the U of A.)
*waves* Go Bison!
Somewhere along the way, some person gave me an article entitled Why Single-Sex Education Benefits Women (or something like that). And it convinced me to begin considering women’s colleges. I applied to Randolph-Macon Women’s College and Agnes Scott. I was dating a terrible person at the time who really wanted me to be in Atlanta (Agnes Scott) because he was trying to go to Emory. A very influential English teacher convinced me to apply to some more liberal arts schools – Swarthmore and somewhere else. I also really like the University of Richmond.
I got accepted with full scholarships at RMWC (plus some extras there) and Agnes Scott. Didn’t get in to the other schools. RMWC was in the middle of nowhere, and Agnes Scott was in the middle of Atlanta, which was a nice drive away from home and a much bigger city than I had ever been to. I went to Agnes Scott. My parents were able to cover room & board, plus I worked a couple of jobs to help cover expenses, which meant I graduated debt free. It really worked out because I got a full ride to law school thanks to a scholarship specifically set aside for graduates of Agnes Scott at my law school. I loved Atlanta, I loved my women’s college experience, and I love that I have no debt, despite having gone to law school.
Oh, and boyfriend didn’t get into Emory, so that was even better!
Such a great topic! I look forward to leaning close to my screen and nodding through all the stories myself, mostly because I’m a nerd who loves higher education, not because I need to help choose a college for anybody anytime soon.
Here’s my story (I attended college 2003-2007, for reference):
I was interested in and concerned about the financial side of things, so I immediately narrowed my choices down to only in-state public universities since they were clearly the most affordable options at the time. I happen to be from a state with a reasonably high population and thus a decent variety of publicly funded universities, so I didn’t feel too constrained by this first narrowing of my choices. I also knew I wanted something in the medium-size range (~15,000-30,000 undergraduates). Big enough for lots of opportunities and programs, but not so big that I felt lost in the crowd or had trouble navigating the campus. My intended major was a pretty traditional science-type-thing so I knew basically any school that looked good would be able to accommodate that, but I wanted to make sure I could get at least some personal attention (class size considerations were important to me; having an honors college helped with this at the larger schools).
The next most important consideration was that I knew that I was gay and that I needed to come out soon. This influenced a few factors: I needed to find a place where I would be (relatively) safe to come out, I needed to be far enough away from my parents that I could start the process without telling them (or without them hearing about it from somebody else from my small town), and I needed a big enough/liberal enough university to know that I could find supportive students and faculty, LGBT cultural resources, queer friends, and, hopefully at some point, a girlfriend (!). This type of research involved clandestine late-night internet-searching and likely some scoping out of people/things on LiveJournal or MySpace or whatever it was the kids were using at the time. My eventual university didn’t have an LGBT center at the time, but they had some stuff on their website about resources for LGBT students, an LGBT student organization, events like Day of Silence, etc.
I think this helped me define my short list, so the next step was to schedule some tours. I was pleasantly surprised at how much this helped me rule schools in or out. Sometimes the vibe of the place just turned me off immediately, which was a very useful data point. Even seeing the infrastructure and the scope of the tour gave me a sense of how the university functioned. (Did we need a university bus to get us around? Did the administrator types addressing the tours seem too caught up on their university’s reputation and not how much they cared about their students? Were the facilities nice?) When I toured the place that I ultimately chose, I just remember how much it already felt like home. To be completely honest, the thing I kept coming back to was how nice the lady in the food court seemed when my parents and I got lunch. I thought, “If the university is a nice enough place to be that this lady who is probably making a fairly low wage can seem so happy to serve us, it’s probably nice enough for me to fit in here.”
I remember getting a stack of brochures about various things and poring over them after the tour. I was intensely interested in all the options for on-campus housing because I knew dorm living would be an important part of how I would make friends and feel like a part of things. My university had a large assortment of room arrangements (in-suite bathrooms or communal bathrooms, kitchen facilities, that kind of thing). I eventually chose to live on-campus all four years, and I always lived with or near a bunch of people I met in my dorm that first year, so it did turn out to be an important consideration for me. It helped that my university had a good honors program with its own dorm — I met a lot of like-minded nerds early on, and we had a lot of fun together. (There are all sorts of these living-learning communities at most larger universities, for people interested in science or language or service or international issues or whatever.)
When I look back on it now, one of the most important parts of the college search process was how much ownership I took over it. My parents were always there to help or discuss when I asked, and they arranged travel for the out-of-town trips, but I knew that it was my job to gather information and process it. I was happy about where I chose to go because I knew that it was, in fact, my choice. I also felt like I had seen enough to know I picked the best one out of all the potential options.
I grew up outside of DC and applied to a number of elite private schools and 2 safeties. My parents told me not to worry about the money and just apply where I wanted. Unfortunately, I don’t think they understood the cost or how much financial aid we would be offered. Kudos that you are doing your research now!
In the end, my parents offered to pay for the whole freight at my cheapest school, but let me know I’d have to take out loans if I wanted to go somewhere else. Which is fine and totally understandable. However, I would’ve applied to different schools if my parents were upfront about the financial outlook. Like I said, they probably didn’t know what our situation would be, but I likely would’ve looked at more public schools and more middle-tier privates if I had known.
I applied to 4-5 in-state schools. My grades (and my enthusiasm!) weren’t good enough for Ivy League type schools, so I didn’t bother applying there, even though several would have been fairly local. I toured my top 2 choices. I had a really, really strong dislike for the location-feel of one: very urban, quite warm, what felt like overwhelming numbers of people surrounding at every turn. I, apparently, am not a good city-dweller. The second college I toured was more spread out, in more of a forested setting, possibly less OMGACADEMICS and more.. zen. There were still a lot of people, but it didn’t feel so overwhelming. My choice was made easy when I didn’t get into the first school but did get into the second. (I know I got into more than just the one, but I have no idea which of the other state schools I got into, and I know I didn’t tour them since I was sufficiently happy with my decision to go to school #2.)
I should note that my parents were able to pay for 4 years of state college for me, and we were not eligible for financial aid, so finances were not a major deciding factor. Community college was also never brought up as an option for my first two years; that’s just not what was done for the smart kids in my area. Which is a shame – I think it can be a really excellent option! I desperately needed to move out for mental health reasons anyway though, so that would also not have helped me much.
I ended up totally failing to pick the right location to live at my specific college and that set me up for social failure, since I was surrounded by folks who liked to drink and party and I really preferred my introversion and computers and intellectual wit with my parties. I have no idea if other colleges are so divided by subculture as well. Had I asked better questions/listened more to the stereotypes about the specific dorms, I would have been better off.
But! While my college experience may have been lacking, I made friends outside of college in my sport during the last few years. I graduated four years ago and I’m still living in the area. My feeling in the initial tours was spot-on: I am so incredibly happy living in a forest and I am – still! – so uncomfortable with the idea of living in a city. This is a good place for me.
I decided sometime in mid – High School that I wanted to be a military pilot, so my college search was a bit odd. I actually decided to go military when I was at a college fair as a junior trying to talk to the peppy sorority girls working the booths, and it just…wasn’t me.
My options were also super limited – I knew going in that I’d be paying almost all of my own way, my parents didn’t have college money for me.
I ended up at University of Pittsburgh on an full ride Air Force ROTC scholarship for Mechanical Engineering. It….honest to God just all fell into place. I’d originally wanted to go to a Service Academy (Naval Academy, Air Force Academy, Coast Guard Academy) but didn’t get accepted. I was accepted at Pitt as well as Notre Dame and Penn State with typical federal aid. And then the Air Force scholarship just….showed up in the mail one day. I had to make about a million phone calls to make sure that there hadn’t been a mistake. Evidently USAFA didn’t accept me but they pushed a ROTC scholarship because they still wanted me to be in the Air Force. The scholarship limited where I could go and which major, and Pitt had room and the MechE degree I could do.
So….I went to Pitt. I didn’t 100% know what Mechanical Engineering was, and I had never been to Pittsburgh until move in day. Talk about risky, hah!
Ended up re-applying the next year for the Air Force Academy and got in, so I went there the next year.
I was TOTALLY lost when applying to colleges. I had no idea what I wanted in a school (large? small? public? private? HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!) or even what I wanted to study. As a result I applied to a very broad swath of schools that covered all ground – 10 in all, from New England to North Carolina.*
In the end, I settled on 2 criteria that I thought would be important to me: class size / teacher ratio (I wanted it pretty small, so that I wouldn’t be in all 300-person lectures until I was a senior) and a good study abroad program, because I was determined to get out of the country at some point. (Cost also factored into this, but both my parents and I were amenable to taking out loans if that’s what was needed. I could have gone to school for free at most NJ state schools, but if I could get a better name/reputation we thought it was worth it. Also I desperately wanted to get out of NJ and have some independence.)
Once I found out which schools I had gotten into, the MOST important factor for me ended up being visits while school was in session. I assume they still do this, where you can go visit and sit in on classes for a day and maybe do an overnight with a current student? I had been about 75% leaning toward UVA prior to that experience, but after sitting in on a few classes there vs. classes at William & Mary the choice to me seemed OBVIOUS, and W&M felt much more like the right place to be for me.
I do think I would have been fine at nearly any of the 10 I applied to, though. There were some downsides to W&M I hadn’t considered in favor of the “this feels right” feeling, and after all small-school experiences up until then it might actually have been good to experience a more traditional big university. In other words, at the time it seemed like a truly overwhelming choice for which I had absolutely no tools or basis upon which to make the decision; making the decision for me came down to attending classes at each which clarified which school “felt right;” I think I would have been fine even if I chose “wrong” anyway.
*(Slightly funny story: earlier in the process my dad had pulled out a map of the east coast and a compass, put the point on where we lived in central NJ, and drew a circle that he estimated to be an 8 hour car ride. I was allowed to go to school within that radius; if I went outside of it I would get a plane ticket there for my first day and a plane ticket home after graduation but they wouldn’t pay for any visits home in between. Me: “but half of that circle is in the Atlantic Ocean!” My dad: “That’s a bummer, huh.”)
I have two College-Finding stories for you, so hope you’re ready for a long read!
When I was a sophomore in high school I decided that I wanted my career to be in theatrical design. I loved the stage, loved being behind the scenes, and I had an eye for design and spatial relationships, so it seemed like a good fit. My mom was nervous because it’s not a money-making career, but I was determined.
So at my appointment with my guidance counselor at the end of junior year, I told her as much. I also told her that I needed to stay in-state. (My parents had told me that they would pay for 4 years of college, but only if I stayed in-state.) To my surprise, she recommended a Tier 2 state university, not one of the two Tier 1 schools in our state. She said that even though this school was Tier 2, it had the best theatrical design program in the region. On top of that, they had early admissions in October, so I could visit, interview, and find out if I’d made it in all in one day AND still have time to apply to other schools if I didn’t like it or if I didn’t get in.
I visited, I interviewed, I got in, and I accepted. I felt (and, to a much lesser degree, still feel) a little troubled by the fact that I, one of the “smart kids”, was only going to a Tier 2 school and not one of the top schools like (almost) all of my friends. I know I would have been accepted at one of them, maybe even both. My other peers who announced they were going to my college were troublemakers or kids who didn’t get very good grades. Almost anyone could get in to this school. It didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Every time someone asked me where I was going, I would tell them but immediately follow up with “I considered X, but this school has a better program for my major.” I was excited about my college, but not proud.
I reminded myself repeatedly that one of the perks of going to a Tier 2 school was that the tuition was much, much lower. A fraction of the cost. My parents weren’t rich. After me they would still need to pay for my sister’s tuition. What I was choosing was best for me AND for my family. Instead of getting a job the summer after senior year, I took classes at a local community college that would transfer to my school so I would be done with some gen ed requirements. Then I would be even LESS of a financial burden on my family. (We did the math and figured out that I’d be saving them more money by doing this than I would earn at a minimum wage job.)
And you know what, once I got there it didn’t matter that my high school friends were at “better” schools. I made lots of good friends, loved my theatre classes, learned SO MUCH, had wonderful professors and mentors, and was at the top of all of my in-major classes. I got fantastic recommendations from my professors and when I graduated I had several competing offers from graduate schools. I feel like I chose correctly by following my high school counselor’s advice, even though it wasn’t “the best I could do”.
My younger sister’s story:
She wanted to major in neuroscience, and her counselor told her that she would do fine with either of the Tier 1 schools; their neuroscience programs were comparable and neither was necessarily better than the other.
School A is clearly the more prestigious of the two. It’s harder to get in to, has more national recognition, and is 40% more expensive than School B, which was already 40% more than my school had cost. She had a connection to School B (someone knew someone, or something?) so a professor had already agreed to make sure she got in and would be her mentor and look out for her.
In the end, she decided to go with School A because their marching band had piccolos in it, and School B only had flutes. (She played both instruments in high school marching band.) I was NOT PLEASED with her decision. I thought it was irresponsible to be spending our parents’ money in what I felt was a frivolous manner – why spend so much more when you could get the exact same education for a lower price somewhere else? Was playing piccolo really worth thousands of dollars to her? I couldn’t understand her choice. Also, School A is supposed to be a much tougher school, and my sister had always struggled in school. She got good grades but she had to work extremely hard for them, when those grades came easily to her friends.
She went to School A, and LOVED it. Marching band was a huge part of her life there. She made good friends, seemed to be enjoying herself. Except she started having panic attacks in the middle of the night because she coursework was too hard for her. She doesn’t test well because she gets too anxious, and lots of her classes relied heavily on tests instead of homework. She failed a couple classes. Eventually, her professors gently advised her to drop the neuroscience program and do something easier, psychology, instead. Which she did, and she was much happier. At the time I felt very sad for her, but also a little vindicated, like I wanted to say “I told you so” and also hoped she would transfer to a school with a comparable psych program for a fraction of the cost. She didn’t, of course.
She went to grad school, racked up tons of student debt there, and now has a great job at a marketing firm. I still have mixed feelings about her decisions along the way, but it’s her life and she’s happy and I try to remember that.
In the end, it turns out that money (and lessening the burden on our parents) was a huge motivating factor for me, and it wasn’t for my sister. I don’t know how much that had to do with the fact that I was pursuing a career that didn’t have a lot of earning potential and she was pursuing one that did. We weren’t eligible for need-based scholarships because our parents were divorced and remarried, so we had to claim all four incomes. I racked up a handful of merit-based scholarships at my school, my sister was awarded none. The competition for them was much higher at her school.
I think there’s something to be said for pursuing careers and colleges that make you happy. Sure, we made different decisions, but we both love the jobs we have now and that has to count for something. My best friend chose a career and a school based purely on earning potential and her parents wishes, and more than a decade later she still spends a lot of time complaining about her job and how she doesn’t like it, even though she’s making more money than anyone else our age. She doesn’t seem happy.
I just re-read your initial post and realized I’ve talked far more about the OUTCOME of our choices than I have about the actual choosing process. I guess I don’t have too much experience with the latter – we were all advised by our guidance counselor, and we all pretty much did what she suggested.
I did a lot of searching for grad schools though, so let’s make this comment even longer. I interviewed with 16 schools, visited six, and narrowed it down to three, all out of state:
School A: $33,000/year with a small tuition waiver, the most expensive when you include all costs, the most beautiful, and where I felt most at home even though it was on the opposite side of the country. A small fine arts school with a reputation for producing weird, but highly successful, artists. The classes looked interesting to me. When I talked to my undergraduate professors about it they raised an eyebrow.
School B: $36,000/year with a 75% tuition waiver. Prestigious, very close to a big city I immediately loved, and with world renowned professors. I didn’t fall in love with the school, but my undergraduate professor/mentor pushed heavily for this one because of its reputation.
School C: I don’t remember the cost of tuition, but they offered to completely waive it for me AND give me a $13,000/year stipend for an assistantship in the theatre department. I visited thinking I would obviously choose this one, but as soon as I got there I realized it was not for me. The building was built in the 60’s and it was made of concrete, with no windows. Every room on every floor felt like a basement. I was unimpressed by the work the students were doing there. It was really hard to say no to this because I would have been able to get my masters debt-free, but I couldn’t make myself do it.
My dad pushed for School A. He liked how eccentric it was, and he saw how happy I looked there. My mom pushed for School C: with limited earning potential in my career, it would make sense to choose a school that would get me through debt-free. I chose School B, based on my mentor’s recommendation and the prestige. I did love living near that city, but I do think I made the wrong choice. The school just wasn’t for me. In my first semester I was hospitalized, diagnosed with Crohns, and used that as an excuse to drop out and move home. “I can’t pursue a career freelancing when now I have a pre-existing condition that won’t allow me to get health insurance.” It was 2008. The Affordable Care Act hadn’t been passed yet. People were losing jobs all over the place. Funding for the arts was the first thing cut. I didn’t know if my career would even be an option if I WAS healthy.
Things worked out eventually, of course. I lived at home for a year and a half before I moved out. Now that I am where I am, doing what I’m doing, I’m happy with the choices I made because they led me to this moment. If I hadn’t moved home, I wouldn’t have met my husband. I wouldn’t have had time for the odd little here-and-there jobs that led me to the career I ended up with. So even though I do wonder what might have been had I chosen School A, I’m happy I didn’t.
I live in Canada, but this is how I picked:
In high school I had a flare for writing and I sang in the jazz choir, but I was, at my core, a science geek. I’d spent the summer I was 15 at a summer science school (the Deep River Science Academy) and it was like I’d been called home to the mother ship.
At the time I was trying to pick a university I’d never really given a lot of thought to where I wanted to go, other than “not close to home”. Likewise, I had many, varied, interests, so I hadn’t focused on what school would be best for what I wanted to study. I’d been told I could be anything I wanted to be, but hadn’t realized until that point that I couldn’t be EVERYTHING I wanted to be. But fate stepped in…
Around the time period I had to submit applications, I met and started casually dating a fellow who was in Ottawa on a co-op term from the University of Waterloo. He was a math student: smart and adorably geeky and making a good salary in his co-op job. I’d never yet heard of that university (though it’s been ranked #1 in the country many times), but he loved it. My interest was piqued. For my three applications, I applied to there for biology, the University of Guelph for environmental engineering, and Sir Wilfred Laurier for English (with the intention of going into writing). After his co-op term I had the chance to head down to visit him and check out Waterloo, combining this with an open house at Guelph. Waterloo was just “it” for me. I fit in there. So that ended up being where I went, and I’ve never regretted it. I LOVED it. I loved the friends I made in the dorms, I loved the campus, I loved the courses, I loved being surrounded by smart and interesting people, I loved eating my lunch in the greenhouse in the winter, I loved the student-run lounges and coffee shops… everything really. Interestingly, of the 22 kids who also went to summer science school, 5 us of ended up there.
I did go to Guelph for my M.Sc., and I chose that time because it was one of the top schools for my program but, believe it or not, this strategy didn’t really work as well for me as “feeling” the place. It just wasn’t the same and my heart still belongs to Waterloo. I harbour a small wouldn’t-it-be-cool feeling for my kids to go there, but am determined not to be pushy and let them find their own path (there (just kidding) (sort of)).
Should add that I attended undergrad from 1991-95, so information was only available on paper and from school reps unless you went to the various campuses.
Also, money wasn’t a huge factor for me: my parents paid tuition and the equivalent of residence every year (I stayed in the dorms which meant room and board the first two years, and apartments with roommates after that, so they gave me the equivalent and I just budgeted rent, food, etc. from that), so the leftover expenses were all I had to pay for.
My parents were not involved in my search. At all. My dad had talked my whole life about how I could go “anywhere”, and even wanted me to apply to some big U.S. schools (I dreamed of California – UCSC – but knew that it wasn’t realistic, even if he said it was at the time), but when push came to shove and he was looking at writing a cheque, he wanted to save the residence fees and have me live at home (his or my mom’s). I knew I’d be MISERABLE doing that, so I didn’t even apply to anything nearby. Even if it had meant paying for a lot more if it myself, I still would have done the same, but he came through on our original deal, albeit with a lot of grumbling. I didn’t even tell my dad what schools I’d applied to, or for what areas of study, because I knew he’d have very strong OPINIONS, and I wanted to make the decision on my own.
Money wasn’t an issue with grad school either – all M.Sc. students in my program received a living stipend of $15K a year in exchange for TA’ing each term and, given that I can budget and cut corners with the best of ’em and it was 1995 so tuition wasn’t crazy, I paid for tuition, rent, food, etc. all out of that and graduated debt-free. My parents didn’t have to give me a penny, and I even secretly tore up birthday and Christmas cheques from my grandmother, who I didn’t feel could really afford what she was offering.
I went to Penn State, graduated right before the Jerry Sandusky stuff came out. They have a branch about 2 miles from my parent’s house and I got in state tuition and could live at home. They offer pretty much any degree one could want. I didn’t apply anywhere else or consider anywhere else, it was just a given that I would go there. I spent most of the time at the branch campus and my last semester at the main campus taking classes that weren’t offered at the branch.
I looked at lots of colleges, and applied to three. I was in California, where we had the “UC” system and the “Cal State” system, plus private schools. The UC schools are more prestigious, research focused institutions and are more difficult to get into/more expensive. The Cal State schools are 4 year schools but focus more on practical applications (UCs have “English” majors, State schools have “Journalism” majors, etc). The private schools are the most expensive since nothing is subsidized by the state. I applied to one of each.
Option A: The UC school. This one was 6 hours from home. A close high school friend of mine was dead set on going here. The campus was walkable/bikeable. I was a finalist for a scholarship, but only won a $500 one time prize. As part of being a finalist, I went up with my parents to take part in an event specifically for scholarship finalists. We ran late, got turned around, and parked on the complete opposite side of campus from where we needed to be. As we were wandering around lost, a student approached us and asked if we needed directions. We explained our predicament. He realized that (a) we were never going to make it on time and (b) what we were missing was the tour. He happened to be a student tour guide and had a break between classes. So he gave us an impromptu tour and left us at the right place for the next stop in our itinerary. Just ridiculously nice. My mother, naturally, chalked this up to me being cute and him being male (sigh. Moms.) But seriously, this school had a reputation for being super nice. One of the deans called it The [College Name] advantage. Because people were just friendly and kind to strangers. There were lots of trees and campus was pretty.
Option B: The Cal State school. The entire campus was a giant hill, with the dorms at the very top and my department at the very bottom. This was not appealing. They were known for hands on application in their engineering programs, which was appealing. On the tour everyone seemed to keep to themselves, and everything seemed a little drier/washed out compared to Option A. It was near(er) the beach, which lots of students liked, but I’m not really a beach person. This one was 3-4 hours from home.
Option C: The Private school. I actually was granted a $7,000/year scholarship here, but it was still significantly more than even Option A. My parents were NOT fans of this one. The school is nationally known, but not for their engineering program (it’s not bad, just not what they are known for), so while the name is an advantage, it’s an expensive one when you aren’t getting The Best Education Ever in your field. Urban, lots of brick buildings, very close to some very scary parts of town. I don’t even remember the tour/the people. I did get to meet one on one with one of the deans who was super kind and gave me a copy of an “Engineering Student Survival Guide” which was an actual BOOK and was fantastic. (Would have been more useful if I’d really taken some of it to heart, but like many things in life, we learn too late to appreciate certain things.) 45 minutes from home.
Anyway, I went with Option A and LOVED it. Met some of my best friends, including my husband there. Found my feet academically half way through my program and then excelled. Had some awful professors, but also some really lovely ones. Lots of student activities which I was involved with and I even worked for the Dean’s Office as a peer counselor for two years. Roomed with my high school friend for 3 years before moving in with my now husband and we are still friends, so even though it was a bumpy ride, that worked out.
The thing that sold me was the vibe/friendliness of the people. Visiting the schools was KEY to finding that out.
And, in a funny twist, I ended up going to Option C for grad school. Enjoyed my program, but their grad school is so geared toward distance learners that I did not connect with the campus at all. I consider Option A to be “my college” even though I technically have two.
Oooh what a fun question. I’m one of those people who stepped onto my college campus and instantly *knew* it was the one for me. I was going to USC and that was that. My parents were not thrilled. They thought it was too big, too far away, and too expensive.
I applied a bunch of places, partly because the UC system application is ONE big application and you just check off which schools you want it to go to. I mostly applied to in-state colleges because I didn’t want to be too far from home, but threw in a couple out of state for reasons unknown (CU Boulder bc my sister lived there and … NYU… because ????). I got into most of the schools I applied to and I qualified for financial aid but no scholarships.
I went to USC. That was the one I wanted.
I DID spend a lot of freshman year feeling like I had made a Big Mistake because I wasn’t having the College Experience that I had imagined/seen in the movies (part of the problem was that I filled out my housing application late and ended up in an off campus apartment with 3 girls on the track team who had a built in social life and also I’m by nature an introvert which does not translate into social butterfly in new environments). Interestingly, my 3 older sisters ALL transferred from their original choices and graduated from a different college than the one at which they started, so I feel like maybe it’s a family trait to feel like you made the wrong choice? I ended up sticking it out. By the time freshman year was over, I had calmed down a bit and made friends and really started to enjoy myself and do this college thang. Looking back now, USC was an adjustment, which I hadn’t anticipated. But it ended up being the PERFECT school for me.
1987, My mom said I could go anywhere provided it was less than 8 hours away and under 10K/year. I lived in NYC and got into SUNY Buffalo and University of Pittsburgh. I chose Pittsburgh because of scary stories about the amount of snow in Buffalo.
2006, GMU is near me, a terrific school, and cheap.
My parents always encouraged us to go to the best schools we could, and I had no interest in going anywhere near home (my parents are great, but I think part of becoming an adult is learning to deal with things on your own, which is easier farther away). Plus, my local schools felt like a continuation of high school, in a way, because so many of the kids from my high school wound up at UT. I had always wanted to go to Columbia, and had done a summer program there in high school, so I applied early admissions. I did not get in, which was not entirely unexpected.
I generally looked at prestigious schools on the East Coast, so I did a college tour with my parents around there. I didn’t want a school that was too small, because I prefer a diverse population, and I didn’t want to be out in the middle of nowhere. I applied to UPenn, NYU, Harvard, Brandeis, and GWU (and I’m sure some others that I just don’t remember now). I think doing the tours was very helpful, because it came down to a choice between Brandeis (which, after doing the tour, I felt was too “campusy” and far from Boston, and also too small) and GWU (where my mom went). When I toured GWU, it just clicked. It was the right size, it had a little campus feel but was right in the middle of DC, and my godparents lived in DC already. It was not as good academically as Brandeis, but I think once you reach a certain quality level, gradations of quality don’t matter as much. It turned out to be a great decision in the end.
I will say that the campus tours had an unexpected benefit, in that when I was looking at law schools, I had already been to a few of the campuses. When I looked at NYU in high school, it seemed way too unstructured and “big city,” and I wanted a little more of a campus feel. But when it came time for law school, those became positives and ended up helping me decide on NYU over my other options.
Off topic somewhat, my college story is a great reminder to listen to your mother. I wanted to major in English or Religion, so I started out mostly taking liberal arts classes. My mom said that I should take an accounting class, so I’d have that life skill (she is terrible with numbers, so it took her ages to learn a lot of accounting and personal finance skills). It turned out that I was one of a few people in the class who took to accounting intuitively, and I wound up switching my major, which lead me to law school (for tax law), meeting my husband, and my whole career to date!
I started out at Longwood University, a small liberal arts school where I had attended a theatre conference my sophomore year of high school and fell in love with the campus. I didn’t want a big school where half my high school classmates would be, and I didn’t want to be a tiny fish in a giant pond as a theatre major.
I ended up hating it there. I was bored academically, didn’t fit in with the theatre department, and had a situation with a particularly creepy guy who was in my honors program and wormed his way into the theatre department despite not being a theatre major. Any one of those things may not have been enough to make me transfer, but the combination was.
So I transferred to Virginia Tech after freshman year, which is everything Longwood isn’t–it’s a HUGE school, known for its engineering programs, and even with half my high school class going there it was 100% possible to be anonymous if I wanted to be. (I didn’t want to be totally anonymous, I just didn’t want to recognize people everywhere I went. And I didn’t!) I hadn’t even looked at Tech in high school–I knew I wanted to go to Longwood, my “backup” school was James Madison (which was much harder to get into than Longwood so it was sort of a joke that it was a backup; also, it was where the half of my class that didn’t go to Tech went, so I’m not entirely sure why I was so against Tech but JMU was fine…)
I did end up changing majors halfway through my first semester, because I fit in even less with Tech’s theatre department. I switched to English, and because I’d taken such a heavy courseload at Longwood and picked up a couple of math classes at community college after freshman year as a condition of my acceptance at Tech (I hadn’t needed any for Longwood), I ended up also picking up a Communications major and taking two Comms classes during the summer between junior and senior year so that I could get two bachelor’s degrees instead of a degree and a second major. (By that point my younger brother had made it abundantly clear that he had no plans for college so the money for the extra classes wasn’t much of an issue there.)
As for how I knew those schools were the schools I wanted…Longwood, I’d fallen in love with the campus. It was pretty, it was old but well-kept so it felt “cool”, I liked that it was small. My senior year of high school, there ended up being a fire that wiped out half the buildings in one section, so my year there was distinctly less pretty as it was a construction zone, so that sort of sucked.
Tech, I didn’t really know where I wanted to transfer to, just that I wanted out of Longwood. My parents and uncles had gone to Tech so my mom basically said, “Look, Tech is a good school and it’s also pretty, let’s just go *look*.” So I grudgingly allowed her to drag me along and by the end of the weekend (not even an official tour, just wandering around the campus and doing a quick audition for the theatre department), I was totally sold. Again, the pretty campus got me.
I was sort of the school of thought that “you don’t NEED a degree to be an actor, but a degree is probably a good thing to have in case acting doesn’t work out, just so you can say you have one, and it doesn’t really matter where it’s from as long as it’s a legitimate school”, and I really did luck out that I ended up at a good school with a great department for the majors I ended up switching to. I was really happy at Tech, I found a student theatre group that I did a few shows with to keep my feet on the stage, and I had really good relationships with my professors in English and Comms (not so much in Theatre, there was only one I liked…and the one I hated most ended up taking over as head of the department, which helped finalize my decision to change majors. As in, I walked out of the class where they announced she was taking over, went straight to the English building and said “I want to change to an English major as soon as possible.”)
Probably I did it wrong, not really doing…well, *any* research, not attending campus tours, I didn’t even go to Tech’s orientation (I should have, but my advisor told me I didn’t need to since I was a transfer…turns out he lied, I missed a lot of stuff I really needed to have done before arriving at move-in). But for me, both times, I spent a weekend on the campus and just felt “Yes, this is it, I want to live here.”
I decided what I wanted to major in first and then looked at all the in state colleges that offered that major, which was all of two. I visited both colleges, looked at department and the facilities related to my major and talked to some of the professors that taught my major. Both colleges were fine, but one of the two had both better facilities and I liked the professor that I talked to there the best. I think I applied to both, but I was accepted at the college I preferred so that’s where I went. I didn’t fall in love with the college in general, though it was fine and I never regretted going there. I liked my major, never changed it and graduated in three years instead of four (taking summer classes helped with that).
Oh, and I could have had more college choices if I’d been willing to look out of state, but in state tuition was a lot cheaper and I wanted to stay close enough to home to be able visit on some weekends.
My daughter graduated from college two years ago so the college search is relatively fresh in my mind. She knew that she didn’t want to be too far away from home so we started with that. 3 hours seemed to be her maximum and I was very glad that she chose that – it was close enough so that I could drive there, by myself if I needed to, if she were sick for instance. So that narrowed the field down somewhat. Then I heard about a book “Colleges That Change Lives: 40 Schools That Will Change the Way You Think About Colleges” that’s written by the former education editor of the NYT. His thing is small schools with small student to teacher ratios where you really feel connected rather than bigger schools where, according to him, you feel more like a number or a revenue stream. He leans toward schools that aren’t ridiculously hard to get into also, that are in the range of the “B” student. He also says that if your student is a better than B student that these schools would be freer than some others with scholarship money. I highly recommend the book. So we chose several schools from that book to visit that were within the 3 hour travel time limit. We also made a point to apply to a safety school, a reach school (or two) and several in between. I think she applied to 6 altogether. Then we waited to see where she got in and how much money they offered. She did get into one of her reach schools so we really researched it – read about it and went to an overnight orientation that they held for admitted students. Two of the schools that admitted her offered VERY generous academic scholarships (one from the above book) so we also revisited both of them and she went to the admitted students day at both of them. In the end we decided together that the reach school wasn’t worth oh, $40,000 more a year (!!) than the two that offered scholarships. Of those two, she went with the one that gave her a more “homey” feel – she said she could just see herself there – it was the one from the book. She was very happy there. I don’t think she got an “Ivy League” quality education but she graduated with no debt and got into the grad school of her choice so all in all she is happy with her choice.
I don’t have kids, so here’s my experience; senior year in HS. 1985, I had no idea what I wanted to do, but college seemed unappealing. My HS put a lot of pressure on me to decide, then when I was stubborn, they came up with a year-abroad program at school in England. That appealed to me, so I did that, and during that year, came to grips with the fact that it was either college or get a job. I visited a good friend who was going to UMass Amherst, decided it would do (even though it was overwhelmingly large compared to my boarding-school year), applied, got in, and went. Not sure if this helps, but that’s my story!
My college trajectory was partly determined by my older sister’s. We are from a city in the South, and I think I’d always assumed we’d stay fairly close to home for college. My sister was a very shy high schooler and didn’t like the idea of being so far from home. She wanted to go to the private college in our city. But my mom persuaded her to apply to some Ivies “just to see,” and she got accepted to Harvard. She also got accepted to the hometown college, with about the same amount of financial aid. My mom put her foot down and said she’d be an idiot to turn down Harvard, and she was going there whether she liked it or not. My sister, to this day, is upset about that — she says she would have chosen Harvard too, because it was the more sensible choice, but she’s angry that my mom made her feel like she didn’t have a choice. She had a very tough first year at Harvard, but then settled in and made good friends and liked it a lot.
I was excited, because I had actually wanted to go further away to college but didn’t want to be so far from my sister. I applied to colleges primarily in New England so I’d be close to her (a funny criterion, now that I think about it). I wound up getting into a bunch, including two Ivies. A few of them got eliminated right off the bat for minimal financial aid (NYU, I’m looking at you.) I thought I definitely knew which school was my favorite (one of the Ivies), but then I visited and didn’t like it. I visited the other Ivy and just felt absolutely at home. I loved the visit, decided to go there, and loved the school.
The caveat, though, is that I think my parents (*cough* my mother) were ultimately too wrapped up in name recognition. I loved Dartmouth, but my financial aid package was only so-so, and it went down significantly after my sister graduated from college, even though that coincided with Hurricane Katrina wiping out our city and my parents’ livelihood for about eight months. My parents definitely sacrificed to send me there, and I have some loans too (nothing huge, about 14k originally). I got a terrific education, but I think I could have gotten an equally good one for less. It’s hard to say how much of my life has been influenced by that degree — I went on to go to grad school and get a Ph.D., but plenty of people do that without coming from an Ivy. If you want to pursue an academic career, I’m not sure name recognition matters all that much. But I think that if you are in business, the networking value is huge — a ton of my Dartmouth friends got very prestigious jobs right out of college at places like Google, fancy consulting firms, etc.
I didn’t go to an Ivy, but also had my mom force a school on me (2700 miles from home, in another country playing D1 NCAA sport which they thought was cool). It had a lasting negative impact on my relationship with my mother. I will never do that to my kid. Part of my issue was that I was heartbroken and homesick, plus scared and stressed about playing the sport at D1 level. Still am heartbroken to this day, and now live thousands of miles from my parents and in another country. They don’t get to see my kids grow up or be part of my daily life. I know there are no guarantees that happens if i went to school close to home, and of course I wouldnt trade DH /DD / life I created here but I am still mad about it. I once said to my dad “you raised us to scatter,” and he said “no we raised you to excel.” I understand they had good intentions but it was still a painful thing.
My almost opposite university-choosing experience had pretty much the same result – my mother smothered me, suffocated me, wouldn’t let me develop into an independent human being and I was too shy, introverted, lacking in self-conscious or just downright pathetic to stand up to her… So I deliberately chose a university at the other end of the UK (my parents lived on the south coast, I chose Scotland) to put 900 miles between us.
The result was that my mother and I never developed a close mother-daughter relationship even in adulthood and after graduating, my only plan was to not go back to my parents’ house. So I moved to France, literally 3 weeks after graduating.
Every time I’ve moved within France, I’ve moved further south (and now live on the Mediterranean coast), whilst my parents actually moved to Scotland in 1999 (years after I left).
My mother died in 2003 and had dementia for 4 or 5 years before that so she had no idea who her 18-month-old granddaughter was anyway, but I do know that her attitude to me throughout my childhood definitely led to me doing everything I could to get away…
I feel bad for my dad – now very elderly and living 2000 miles away. He doesn’t get to see his only granddaughters very often (maybe once a year), but I could never go back, even without my mother there – my dad was definitely an accomplice, albeit a more reasonable one…
I went to college 96-00 and went to the one that both my parents had gone to that was a 15 minute drive from their house. I wasn’t ready to move away at the time and my best friend was also going to the same school. It was fine and I don’t actually regret it but I wonder sometimes in that “sliding doors” kind of way what would have happened if I had gone somewhere else. Now I live a 2 hour plane ride away from my family and I wouldn’t give up my job but I wish I were closer.
I had a combination of subsidized and non-subsidized student loans, a couple tiny one-time scholarships, help from my parents, and my income from working. I paid off my student loans before I turned 30 because I was frugal and lived in the dorms for 2 years and lived at home for 2 years, then got a job not too long after graduation. I would say that as an introvert, it was easier to make friends when I lived in the dorms. When I moved back in with my parents the last two years of school, I only met people in classes and never made any new friends that way. I’m still best friends with a girl from my dorm freshman year who introduced herself after we ran into each other in the communal bathroom almost every day for the first few weeks!
I don’t remember putting a lot of thought into choosing which schools to apply to – I live in Indiana and applied to Indiana University, Purdue, and U of Michigan. I got into all three. I was top in my class and also applied to some Ivy League – Princeton? I don’t remember. I was smart, but not smart enough for that and didn’t get in. When it was time to make a decision, I kind of wanted to to go UM, where my best friend was going, but my parents made it pretty clear that we could not afford it. So I went to IU. It was an okay choice – it’s a huge school and I never did find a niche where I’d have the same group of friends all four years. That’s the thing I’ve told my daughter (in 7th grade) – no matter where you go, join a smaller group so you can have a smaller circle of friends and not get lost in the crowd.
I don’t remember my parents helping much (or at all) with the application process – pretty sure I did that all on my own. They also didn’t help figure out the scholarship thing; they assumed, unfortunately, that since I was top in my class that money would be coming my way. All I ended up with was a $500 grant for each semester. Fortunately this was the old days before tuition was outrageous so my parents could sort of afford to send me to IU and my brother to Purdue without going to the poorhouse. I, however, will be avidly reading this comments section and gleaning any info I can on choosing/paying for college because holy cow, even state schools are $$$ nowadays.
I toured several campuses, I did a lot of research ( a little online, this was almost 2000, and in print publications), I talked to my guidance counselor, my parents, my friends. I THINK I took some kind of online quiz about what kind of sort of university would fit my needs/interests/personality/star sign (it could have been like that, 1999 after all).
I had applied and been accepted to schools that covered a variety of geographical distances, as well as price points, and had some level of scholarships being offered to me at all of them.
In the end, I opted to go to a small, private college near to home, that allowed me to live with my parents (thus saving on room and board). They had offered me a half tuition scholarship, and this made the price about equal to a state school for me. Also, I graduated a year early from high school, which meant that my VERY SERIOUS boyfriend was now graduating a year behind me. Going away to school would mean leaving him. The school I chose also offered a unique third term each spring, in addition to summer courses, which meant that I could graduate early from there as well if things went as planned.
They did, I did my undergrad in 2 1/2 years, while my boyfriend graduated high school, attended a two year community college, and then we left town together. Me to go to grad school, him to finish his undergrad, but at this point we could choose the same school.
I did end up marrying the VERY SERIOUS boyfriend. And happily. So, I think that was the right decision for me at the time. Between scholarships, work study programs, and federal grants I was able to get all my college-ing done with a very manageable amount of student debt that I have since paid off.
I suppose the main idea behind both myself and my husband’s choices were that schools were schools and we let other factors influence us more.
As someone who was overwhelmed by the college process with truly incredible opportunities in front of her, I would say that, honestly, it doesn’t matter that much. You can get a good education in a lot of places. I feel the same way about a major. It is great if an 18 year old knows that they want to be an engineer and get a degree to make that happen but most of us don’t know what we want to do and again, it doesn’t matter that much. What does matter is the student’s willingness to put their time and effort into getting a great experience and then being able to tell an employer (in any industry) why they are now equipped to learn, think, be a team player and get the job (any job) done.
That being said, I went to a small elite private liberal arts college in the northeast and it was fine. The name recognition has helped in some places and not in others. I am a firm believer in the liberal arts and the ability to think, talk and write are ultimately what have gotten me all of my jobs. It is more about the person than the school.
Advice I give to every college-bound high school student:
1) When you visit a school, have a meal in their main dining center. I think you can get a better feel of campus culture where the students eat than any place else.
2) Go to a class. Is the class big or small? Was it in a lecture hall or a small discussion room? Was the prof addressed by their first name? Which of these things matter to you and how often do they occur at the school your interested in? My interactions with professors were the most important and profound part of my college experience. The student-to-faculty ratio was something like 8:1 and it made a difference.
3) If the school is in your top three, stay over night with a current student. Find out what it is like on a random Tuesday night because most of college is made of random weekday nights.
4) When college reps come to your school, go talk to them! Yes, they are there to sell you on the place but you can learn a lot from them and often you get one-on-one time to ask about campus life, financial aid, what makes the place special, etc.
5) Schedule an alumni interview. Many schools will set you up with a local alumnus/alumna to chat about the school, their experience, etc.
Best of luck navigating this wild process!
A bit rambly, but here goes: I went to college in 2003, and my best suggestion is if your kid has a good relationship with his guidance counselor, start there. At my high school you had to fill out a form in your junior year about 5 schools that you were thinking about, why you were interested in them, and potential major. I had a 30 minute meeting with her where we talked about how far from home I wanted to go, whether or not I wanted to go home on the weekends, and which schools were best for my potential major (even if they didn’t fit into all of my checkboxes). My guidance counselor made a recommendation for a school which I hadn’t considered, but had an excellent program out of my state, but close enough to come home/far enough that my parents wouldn’t just “drop by”.
I was also lucky enough to have visited schools in person, getting a feel for the campuses both for me and with my older sister a few years earlier. The first school I fell in love with my sister went to (and obviously we couldn’t share a city), and the second school I fell in love with I should have attended (but didn’t). I ended up going to the school my counselor recommended.
Financially, I really wish that I had gone to my state school to get the core classes done. There was no point paying huge amounts of money for classes that could have been taught anywhere. So long as the credits will transfer to school of choice, this can work out well. It really depends on major and the exact structure of the major. I had a loosey-goosey structure to my major (sociology), so I could have done that. My friends in biology, engineering, education and mathematics couldn’t have done that because they were already lucky to be graduating in 4 years following the exact structure and summer classes.
My biggest lesson was that I wasn’t thinking about all the factors I should have been thinking about when choosing a school. Looking back I’m mad at myself for making the choice I made because I decided on the school because the campus was pretty, it was 3 hours from home, the people were friendly enough, my counselor said it would be a good fit and it was expensive (I stupidly thought that expensive = good education. Expensive really meant most of my tuition paid for the football team while my program was underfunded and the building was crumbling). I chose the wrong school and it was a very expensive mistake to have made. So, I would say that if your gut instinct says that the school is a bad idea, say something. They won’t necessarily listen, but you have the perspective to see things that they can’t. If you can help them see some of the factors that they aren’t thinking of/discussing with you, it will help them to get a more rounded view of the schools.
Also, you can always transfer schools! If it doesn’t work out, it’s ok to transfer. Each year was different anyway so it would have made no difference if I was at a different school. People transferred in and out of my school all the time. I made new friends each year. I felt at the time like I couldn’t transfer out, like it would make me a failure, so I stayed at a school I hated and graduated from there.
OH! Check out the medical facilities on campus if at all possible or ask about on-site care, if you have any worries about depression or anxiety. My campus offices were only equipped for minor psychological issues (homesickness, minor anxiety, run-of-the-mill freshman jitters), and when I had a major depressive episode, all they could offer me was 2 sessions with a therapist before handing me over to a graduate level psych major. Other people with more major issues had to go home to seek help, and keep going back for appointments and med refills. Campus was nowhere near a major city to find help, and I didn’t have a car to get anywhere useful anyway.
I am a school counselor in a high school, so I spend a lot of time working with students to find the “right fit” for college. The biggest thing to remember: not everyone has a “right fit”. For some kids (I’d say most kids), any college will do just fine. But it really depends on the kid. So as a parent, I recommend YOU think about these things as you help him to make a decision: 1. How well does your son make friends? How is his self-confidence? If these things are not a struggle for him, he could fit in at a lot of schools. If he’s more of an awkward bird, then visits help so he can find his people – and he will. This requires paying attention to a school’s extra-curriculars, greek system, dorm policies (when can he move off campus? can he have a car there?), etc. 2. Does he know what he wants to do? Important to compare his future career (and how set he is on it) to the amount of debt he’ll come out of school with, plus grad school considerations (is his field one that often has paid internships? Do companies accept bachelors degrees and then help pay for grad school? Does the school offer co-ops?). Also, how likely is it that he’ll switch majors? This depends on his temperament (some kids just aren’t the type to change their mind) and also how much he is set on a certain major. Then assume once he gets there that’ll he’ll be MORE likely to change majors. 3. Where will he want to settle once he graduates? Getting a job is much easier in the area around where you went to school as long as the school has a decent reputation. If he ends up in a nationally high-ranking program then he can settle anywhere. My husband went to a small University in Nashville that is highly respected in TN. No one knows much about the school where we settled though, so that first job was harder for him to get. Once he got the job, he shot up the ranks with no problems. Which kind of leads to number 4. What kind of work ethic does he have? Some colleges with competitive programs (usually larger schools) require a lot of hard work and go-get-em attitude for students to do well. Internships are highly competitive and require the student to have a lot of self-initiative. A smaller school would be a much better fit for a student who needs a little more direction and coaching. The school will work hard to help their students get good internships, jobs, and grad school acceptances. Meeting with a college counselor is very insightful on college visits for this type of thing.
Then of course there are all the things your son could rank in importance on his own (like your baby-naming rankings!): Distance from home, student:teacher ratio, know someone there, type of setting, price tag (tuition, room/board, books, meal plan, off campus housing), job opportunities on campus and off, study abroad, programs offered, student body size, gender and/or ethnic ratios, housing options, special services, cafeteria, scholarships, campus layout/size, public transportation, internet classes offered, summer school opportunities (often needed to graduate in 4 years anymore)… on and on everything you can think of. I like collegeview.com as a starting place, but you may be past this in the search process.
Does your son have a high school counselor that he has talked to? Have you met with that counselor as a family? Their effectiveness varies widely, but it can’t hurt to give it a try since it should be part of their job to help with this sort of thing. Plus, free.
Also, remember that a lot of college students end up moving home and going to a local school after the first semester or year. Like, a lot more than I could have ever imagined. The first year is hard on a whole lot of kids. So maybe prepare him to be a tiny bit sad, disappointed, underwhelmed, or homesick for the first year if he goes away. He’ll most likely feel like he has some regrets initially and you might too. But things usually get better and if they don’t… THIS DECISION IS NOT FOREVER. He can change schools if necessary so no need for anyone to feel stuck. It might cost him extra money and a little more time in school, but in the grand scheme of things he doesn’t need to feel like this decision is the be-all-end-all for all of his future happiness.
And that’s my watered down version of my school-counselor-to-college-searching-parent speech.
Good luck!!
Interesting question!
Mine is boring and not especially useful. My Dad went to a large public college in our state and they were season basketball ticket holders and we also went to other sporting events growing up. So I was familiar with that part of the school and that is where I wanted to go. It had other things going for it though—it was a large school and that was something I wanted after growing up in a small town. It was 2.5 hours from my parents house which seemed perfect for me–close enough that I could go home if I really wanted to and far enough away that I couldn’t just go home (I am fairly shy and was afraid if I ended up at a school close to home, I’d be there more than I should.). And it was a public school which meant that it was (at least in 1997) very reasonably priced. I majored in accounting and while it has fairly well ranked College of Business, it wasn’t the best school ever. But I made good grades, had fun, and was able to get a good job out of college.
My mom was fairly insistent that I apply to a smaller liberal arts school that had offered me a fairly good starting off financial aid package (with chances for even more). I wanted nothing of that and I didn’t even apply.
I have absolutely no regrets about my college choice. It was a great place to spend 4 years. I met some of my very best friends there. I received a good education. I’m sure I would have been fine in a lot of other places….but the sports stuff was a big deal to me and I’m glad I was at a place with Division 1 sports.
I didn’t add the financial aspect of it. My parents weren’t in a position to help out at that time. But I had some savings and tuition/room and board was in the $6000 range per year. I got a few Pell grants (in the $500 range per year), a couple other grants, and offers of both subsidized and unsubsidized loans. I also had work study money. This was the time when you could pretty much get loans for spending money in college—not sure if that is the case now or not. I don’t think so.
I took the grants of course and all of the subsidized loans basically because my Dad insisted because it was basically free money while I was in school. I didn’t take any unsubsidized loans. I paid the rest of it through my savings and summer jobs. I ended up with somewhere between 15,000 and 17,000 in total loans. I signed up for the 15 year repayment plan. Refinanced at 1.9% about 4 years in and have been paying $100 per month. I just got a statement that I have just over $2000 left. I could pay it off, but it sort of seems silly because the interest rate is so low. My payment is so low. And I get to deduct a small amount of the interest (not all of it because my income is too high).
I was the first person in my family to go to college (in 1996) and it’s very common in rural MN (where I grew up) for parents to contribute little or nothing to college. It’s a very boot-in-the-ass-at-18 culture, which I realize is not currently the norm. The good news about this is that I (and most of my classmates) had pretty much complete autonomy and control over our college experience, financially and otherwise.
I didn’t want to go to school in MN (or ND, SD, IA or WI even though all the adjoining states had reciprocity which was awesome) and so I applied to Baylor and to the University of Texas. Baylor offered full tuition scholarships for National Merit Scholars and so that pretty much decided it. I still graduated with around $25K in debt due to fees and living expenses (and also my masters degree). Not bad, all things considered, and I also got the experience of being completely financially independent from the age of 18 (not that I always made good decisions).
I plan on helping my daughter pay for college, and I’ll try not to be resentful/indignant/”KIDS THESE DAYS” about it, BUT IT WILL BE HARD. I can tell you that she is not living at home as an adult (although she’s more than welcome to go to a local community college), unless there’s a damn good reason. That’s just where I draw my own personal line (no judgment, of course). I really don’t see the point in delaying learning how to support oneself into your mid or late 20s. IN MY OPINION, which is just one cranky one based entirely on my own experience. OBV.
Fun comments; I, too, read each one!
I was on the very interested end of the college search spectrum. My mom used to find me in the library looking at course catalogs when I was 13 or 14. I signed up to get all of the brochures from all of the colleges when I took the PSATs, and carefully saved them all. But I don’t really remember getting any particular information out of them. I think I figured out that Reed was different from your average college, and that was intriguing, but not much else. By the time I was actually applying, I’d settled into the idea that, as a Californian, I was pretty much looking at the University of California system. I liked the idea of going to a big school with lots of options, rather than a small one. I was competitive, and at my high school the competition was all about who was going to get into what UC. Nobody was particularly worried about the Ivies or any east coast schools. I thought about applying to Harvard or something, just to see what would happen…but I wouldn’t have wanted to go if I’d gotten in.
So all of that made applying easy. I applied to three campuses, Berkeley because the prestige (and the dinosaur skeleton on the first floor of their natural history building!) was exciting, and UC Santa Cruz and UC San Diego because of family connections. I heard back from UC San Diego & UC Santa Cruz first, and even though I thought I had my heart set on Berkeley I started thinking that maybe I didn’t feel ready to live in a big city with homeless people (now that I have my own kids, I hope to raise them so that their comfort zone is a little bigger than mine was at 18), and I got intimidated by the rumors I heard about competitive students sabotaging classmates, and wondering how I would make friends at a school that most of my friends couldn’t get into. Meanwhile, my friend got into San Diego State, and convinced me that if I went to UC San Diego we could hang out all the time. I ended up signing the acceptance letter to UC San Diego before I ever even heard back from UC Berkeley. My friend hated SDSU and transferred after one year, leaving me all alone…but I think of it as an example of how you can pick a school for a stupid reason and it will still probably turn out ok.
Academically, UC San Diego was a great fit for me. I didn’t give any thought whatsoever to what programs UC San Diego was known for, but I also was pretty open minded about my major. I loved the smorgasbord of classes available, and was self-sufficient enough not to get lost without the personalized advising private colleges can offer. I eventually picked a major towards the end of my freshman year based on which classes had excited me the most. It was not one that people tell you to major in in order to get rich, but I’m pretty happy with my career thus far (and a lot happier than the friends whose parents forced them into majors they were apathetic about). I have no idea if UC San Diego was less competitive than Berkeley would have been, but based on friends’ experiences I think I would have felt more economically outclassed (being the only one who can’t afford a ski vacation, who’s not going to Europe for spring break, etc) if I had let prestige been the determining factor for me. It took me a little while to really find my people in college, but one advantage of a student population of over 20,000 students is that they’re going to be out there somewhere. Also, living in San Diego put me within about 40 minutes from my grandparents’ house, which turned out to be really helpful both while I was in school and needed an escape, and for the rest of my life because of the relationship I was able to build with them.
Finally had time to read everyone else’s comments, which of course reminded me of a few details I should add to mine.
Even thought I think of UCSD as a good academic fit, there were also definite drawbacks to being in a big major at a big school. I basically never made a single friend in my major, barely recognized my classmates from one course to the next unless they were the really annoying ones, and most of my classes were huge lectures where the professor didn’t know who I was. But honestly, most of that I was ok. I made friends outside of my major via my on campus job, and foreign languages I took for fun (which were smaller). I found opportunities to do independent study classes with one on one with professors, took a handful of smaller seminar classes, and did an internship program at the state capitol with about 20 other students from other UC campuses which was one of the best college experiences I had. I don’t know how I would have felt in a smaller program where everyone knew my name, and classes were more discussion based. I think I would have maybe missed not having the anonymity.
For good measure – my brother “picked” his university based on it being the only one within driving distance of my parents house (a CSU), and not really having it together, or getting a lot of parental support, his senior year of high school. His school was technically cheaper than mine, but he took seven years to graduate, so in the end mine was probably cheaper…definitely if you consider what he could have been earning in those extra three years. Its possible that he would have taken seven years at any school, but the 40 minute daily commute, unreliable transportation, impacted classes, and unforgiving academic policies (he got in a car accident during finals week and broke his jaw freshmen year, and got absolutely no support from his university…just lost a semester’s worth of coursework), definitely didn’t help.
My husband had a great community college experience (not all community colleges are created equal…where we grew up there was the good one and the bad one), but picked the university that he transferred to (another CSU) based on not wanting to go to the same one everyone from our high school went to, and it was disastrous. He didn’t fit in, the major he wanted only existed on paper (something to think about if you’re interested in smaller programs…check to see how often classes are offered, and cancelled due to low enrollment), and the cost of living completely stressed him out.
In general, my experience with the CSUs (and probably other similar large public universities with a significant share of students still living at home) has been that if you’re already an excellent student with great study habits and a high tolerance for navigating bureaucracy, they can be great money saving options, but if you’re not, they’re happy to have you drop out so that they can replace you with someone who is.
I went to UCSB (University of California, Santa Barbara) as a “true” freshman (immediately after graduating from high school. Here was my selection process:
My parents (having 5 children and planning their dollars accordingly) were willing to cover our college expenses if we went to an in state school (CSU or UC). I will add that the California university system is incredibly good.
So, I applied to the UC system schools I was interested in (UCSB, UCLA, UC Berkeley, UC Davis). I was already accepted to UCSC as a high school honors student, so that was my ‘safety school’. I got into all four, but Cal Berk was a winter admit (instead of fall). So I eliminated that one.
Then I decided that Davis was too hot and too cow town ish and not prestigious enough (high school snob person). So my mom and I drove down to visit UCSB and UCLA. I hated Los Angeles, like, viscerally. I loved Santa Barbara. So I picked UCSB, based on location/city/environment. I figured they were both good schools, so picking on location was fine. No regrets.
I was incredibly interested in the college selection process. My parents both went to college but I grew up in a small town where not many people did. My parents really wanted/expected me to go and I was very excited to expand my world and leave my small town. I was also a very good student in HS, good grades & SATs so I had a lot of options. I graduated HS in 1991 so this was 25 years ago.
I grew up in Northern California. The summer between junior & senior year in high school, my mom took me on a 6 week (I am not joking) trip to see colleges. We started at Middlebury, VT and ended at Emory, GA. I was very excited about it at the time but now, looking back, I can appreciate how INSANE and incredibly generous this was of my parents. But it was also very helpful. I was sure I wanted to go to a small, liberal arts college very far from home. It did not turn out that way! But visiting so many colleges really gave me a feeling for many places.
My parents also took a week and we visited colleges in California. I almost didn’t visit Stanford because it was too close to home (4 hr drive). But when I got there, I had a total AH-HA, THIS IS MY PLACE moment. One of the few times on my life I had love at first sight, IYKWIM. So I applied, to Stanford & 7 other places. I was lucky enough to get in everywhere. But I KNEW I wanted to go to Stanford. And I’m so glad I did! It wasn’t a small liberal arts school, it wasn’t on the East Coast, but it was perfect for me and it was such an amazing opportunity, I never stop being grateful. (Recent disgusting rapists in the news notwithstanding.)
So I guess it was a combination of heavy parental involvement, big enthusiasm from me, and the fortune to visit a school that really was my perfect match.
Also–my parents were in a financial position that I could go the best place I got in, and I didn’t have to borrow a lot of money. I was so so lucky and I try to be grateful for that.
I thought I was ahead of the game in choosing where I went to university. In my family, money was a concern so I guess it was just assumed that I’d go to a state school. And I was dating someone fairly seriously, so I didn’t want to go too far away. I ended up at a mid-size, state school about 90 minutes away. I thought the location and size were the best. I didn’t like it.
I managed to get through the year and transferred to a significantly larger state school about 30 minutes from home. I lived near campus and thought I was set. Foolishly I assumed the programs would be about the same because they were both from the same university program. I was wrong. My original program allowed me to graduate with an undergrad degree. This new school required that I get a Master’s degree in order to accomplish my goals. Ugh.
So my third year of school I started at a small-ish private school nearby. I had though that a private school would be out of reach financially. But in my case I found the costs were really about the same. (I qualified for more in grants and was awarded some scholarships). I love that school. It took me a total of 5 years to graduate because of the transfers and a major change, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So I guess I’m saying that very few decisions are forever and it doesn’t always hurt to make a change if the initial decision wasn’t the right one. (Although I am aware that college costs are so much higher today and an extra year weighs heavily). I wouldn’t discount anything until you investigate and know if the school can meet your needs.
Mine is more of how NOT to pick your college. It is great that you are so involved/invested in this process. My parents just didn’t talk about college. It was a given that I was going, but we never researched, discussed, or really even toured schools. I visited a friend at a very large, very conservative, state school one weekend. My mom took me to see her alma mater (a large, private, very conservative school). That’s it.
Looking back, this was crazy. I was a very high achiever in high school, with good test scores, extracurriculars, etc. I received tons of literature from schools all over, but my parents didn’t think any of those were realistic options, and I honestly didn’t know better. I was accepted on early admission to the very large, very conservative, state school. I had a few friends who were going, so I went too. It was a terrible fit for me in every way. I was on my own for researching/applying/touring grad school (law school) and had a much better outcome (I actually toured/researched schools – groundbreaking).
This may not apply as strongly to undergrad, but one thing to think about is the location where you (Rob) ultimately wants to live. Looking for employment after law school, it was a huge advantage to have gone to school in the city where you wanted to work. Local business generally recruit out of local schools. There are more opportunities to make connections during school that can lead to employment later (like extracurriculars that cooperate with the local community, internships, etc.)
Of course if you had asked me where I ultimately wanted to live when I was 18 I’m pretty sure I would have given you a blank stare….so not sure how helpful that is.
Hi Swistle! I graduated from the University of Minnesota in 2014, and my two younger siblings are both currently in college so I’ve got lots of stories. Back in my senior year of high school (2009-2010 school year) I applied to 8 schools. They were: U of MN, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Marquette University (Milwaukee), Tulane University (Louisiana), UC Santa Barbara, UC Berkeley, UC Irvine, and Yale. I got into all of them except those last three, no surprise there. Yale was a (very very) long shot, and UW-Milwaukee was my safety school and the first campus I ever toured. The other schools all sent me applications, because I was in the top 10% of my graduating class (of 129 students, so it’s all relative). If the application was free or they offered to waive the fee, I applied. That’s how I got into the U of M, and at the end it came down to either that or UC Santa Barbara. I picked MN because it was half as expensive, since with a WI-MN reciprocity bill I had in-state tuition. (I believe that’s no longer the case, so be sure to research any in-state reciprocity agreements in your area schools!)
I actually wanted to go to school out west because I was born there; my parents moved to Wisconsin when I was in middle school. However, it’s so expensive to be out-of-state and with zero scholarship options I had to rethink that plan. I’m so glad I did, because my time at the U was the best four years of my life, no exaggeration. It’s one of the five largest schools in the nation, enrollment-wise, and a Big Ten university (go gophers!) AND a top three research school. I was in good hands, even if those hands were occupied with 20,000 other undergrads.
(I was going to put this on your other college post but oh well, here we go!) My brother chose UW-Madison and did zero scholarship applications, so he nearly bankrupted my parents (our tuition was/is about the same (around $25,000 per year) but I had most of our Expected Family Contribution covered with scholarships and loans). So, make sure that no matter what Rob chooses, that he fills out the school’s financial aid application (in addition to the FAFSA) and applies for as many local/regional/national scholarships as possible. There’s an app for that (Scholarly!) and a few websites (Fastweb is pretty good).
I should also mention that when I graduated I had about $28,000 in student loan debt. I knew going into college that I would come out in debt, and while it’s not ideal I felt adequately prepared for it. If I had chosen a private school (Tulane or Marquette) I wouldn’t have had any loans, I don’t think. Alas.
I told my son that due to finances, he needed to pick a school in state – which isn’t really as crippling as it sounds as we have MANY excellent colleges/universities throughout the state. He picked four or five that we then visited. At least two were private and the others were state. We took the tours and applied to the ones that he thought he’d like. I was surprised that he didn’t apply to the one that the majority of his friends wanted to go to. VERY surprised because although is he is outgoing and personable, it takes him a while to feel comfortable in new settings. After the visits, he applied to three – panicked, thinking he’d not get into any of them and applied to one more.
He got into all four. One thing I noticed re: the financial side of things – the private schools both offered scholarships that would have leveled the cost of tuition to that of a state school – keep that in mind and don’t necessarily rule out private schools based on tuition. They know that scholarships are one way to recruit students away from state schools.
In the end, we left it up to him as to which school he thought would be a good fit for him; if he thought he’d like living there. He made an excellent decision and chose a school that wasn’t TOO far away (only two hours versus four) and was a great fit for him.
He told me the other day he was glad he didn’t go to the school where most of his high school friends went because that school is in a larger city. He felt more comfortable in the tiny town where he ended up.
With 4 kids, my parents were not able to help us financially with college so I initially thought I was confined to state schools where savings, grants, and work study programs would cover most expenses. Since I was the first to go away to school (my older sister went to a local college), I was nervous every about being too far from home. I went to a large state university about an hour from home. I enjoyed my time there but felt like I sold my self short limiting my initial search so significantly.
After 2 years, I transferred to a private college in Washington, DC ( about a 7 hour drive from home). I greatly enjoyed my time there. I still feel this transfer was important to my growth and development (it was a time in my life when I took a risk instead of playing it safe). I did have some student loans which didn’t prove to be too burdensome after I started working.
I did make my decision about post graduate education completely on financial considerations. I applied to law school and business school and ended up selecting business school because my tuition was covered and I got a teaching assistant stipend. There was no financial aid for the law school I was accepted at so the decision was pretty clear.
And it all worked out in the end. I love my career choices and my experience choosing a risky option at 20 made it easier to do so again in my 40s when faced with a tough life decision.
My words of wisdom – Rob should try to find the best fitting college that doesn’t break the bank but remember the decision is not irreversible. If his initial decision isn’t right, he can change course. Also, even if the decision is based on financial constraints, it may work out better than one could ever expect.
I haven’t read all of the other responses yet, but am v. curious for when I’ve got more time!
I got rejected from one of my top choices (Columbia), and after grieving for that, I ended up deciding between NYU, UChicago and Berkeley. My decision came down to gut instinct, and I think that was informed by a few facts I knew, as well as a more unquantifiable vibe. (Yes, I went to Berkeley, and still fulfill a lot of the hippie stereotypes. :) .)
non-vibe facts I considered that were helpful:
– the biggest one: my oldest stepbrother told me ‘there isn’t a bad choice, here.’ He said I’d likely do well and have a great time at any of these 3, and that made me feel a LOT less pressure to pick The One.
– I relied on the general impression that my dad had of the schools (he’s a professor and had colleagues at all 3). Knowing that people at UChicago jokingly refer to it as ‘the place fun goes to die’ was actually a selling point, since it proved that they had a nicely dark sense of humor. :)
– I knew I loved the cities. Growing up in a college town, I knew I didn’t want to exist solely within the campus bubble, and so I wanted to be somewhere where I’d *want* to leave.
– I liked the idea of being 500-3000 miles away from my family
– (at the time) I liked the idea of being at a giant school
– I liked a variety of programs/majors at each school
Facts I wish I’d considered/known about:
– a giant school was great socially, but a low student/faculty ratio is really nice. Luckily, my individual programs had that.
– I hadn’t realized how few out-of-state students there’d be. Many, many people knew folks from high school, which made it trickier to find friends at first. It worked out in the end, but this would’ve been good to know ahead of time.
– Many Private schools have a VERY different feel when it comes to the socioeconomic breakdown of students, and to the relatiopship between the staff and the students. I liked the dynamic at my state school, and thought that things felt pretty weird when I visited friends at private colleges later on. (Some private schools can be pretty diverse if they prioritize that with endowments and aid, but not all can/do.)
I grew up in a pretty small town in the Midwest, and like some other commenters above, I spent a whole lot of quality time with the various college guides from an early age. I wanted to get the heck out of Dodge, and I spent a lot of time planning my escape.
I remain grateful that my parents were able to pay for my whole undergrad degree (this was in the early 90s; a couple with a similar income level would not now be able to do that for the college I eventually chose). Their ground rules were a) we’ll give you a certain amount of money; anything above that amount we’ll loan you and you’ll pay us back after graduation b) a day’s drive from home.
The place I grew up was (and still is) very politically conservative, and as a determined young progressive I was quite set on going somewhere where I wouldn’t be in the political minority. I also knew I wanted to be a history major and do a traditional liberal arts curriculum. I applied to four schools: Fancy Pants Liberal Arts College A, which had emerged as my favorite from all the guides and then after a campus visit; Fancy Pants Liberal Arts College B, similar to College A in its demographics but only a two-hour drive from my hometown; College C, a lower-tier liberal arts college that was about as far away as College A (7ish hours); and the University of Iowa as my safety cheaper option.
Colleges B, C, and Iowa all gave me substantial merit aid. College A only coughed up the minimum $750 I was entitled to as a National Merit Scholar. I ruled out College C because on my campus visit, the woman with whom I stayed with in the dorms told me that going there had turned her into a conservative. Uh, no. College B seemed too close for comfort to my hometown, despite being acceptably progressive. The University of Iowa seemed too large.
So I went to College A, agreeing with my parents that I’d pay them back for the cost above the dollar amount that they’d set. I met my husband there, and I’ve always described my classes as being like the intellectual equivalent of being loose in a candy store. So I definitely don’t regret choosing it. On the other hand, older and wiser me wonders if I might have been happier at a _bigger_ university. My college was small enough that it felt difficult to be anonymous, and it took me a while to find “my people” once I was there. So I felt very conspicuously unhappy for a while, and I’ve wondered if I could have replicated the intellectual experiences I had at a slightly larger place, without having the uncomfortable feeling that I sometimes had that everyone was staring at me if I didn’t have someone with whom to eat lunch. I pretty much hated living in dorms and I still have recurring nightmares that I have to go through room draw again.
The coda to the story is that my two younger sisters chose the flagship in-state school that gave them scholarships; under the terms of the parental agreement, they actually wound up with money back from my parents. Our youngest sister had enough leftover after college to put a down payment on her first house! But several years later, my parents “forgave” my “loan,” because both my sisters wound up having to borrow from them for other things and I didn’t.
(I do realize most people aren’t as fortunate as I was in terms of handy availability to the bank of Mom and Dad)
We also planned scrupulously to be able to pay for our 2 boys TUITION and BOOKS. They understood from the time they could converse that they would be responsible for their room and board. Imade them put their birthday money and 1/3 of all of the money they earned in the bank. Both of them had more than enough for the first year and worked after that.
Oh, and we’d only pay the tuition at an in-state public university. If they wanted to go out of state or private, we’d put the instate amount towards tuition. Both of them stayed in state. Our kids saw how we (like you) always lived below our means and do the same. Also – Chegg is a lifesaver for books. Thing 1’s first semester book bill (before I knew about Chegg) was over $500. 2nd semester – $110.
And both of them have zero student debt. It’s the best gift we could ever give them. Now, if one or the other had decided to go on to graduate school, they were on their own. The wallet snapped shut. I want to retire at some point.
The story for my college choice actually starts back in sixth grade — but don’t fret, it’s not because I was planning that far ahead!
When I was in sixth grade, we got a new girl in class, who had just moved to town with her mother and step-dad. Her dad lived two hours away. We ended up becoming fast friends, and stayed close throughout school — we’re still friends now, albeit not AS close, nearly 20 years later.
When college planning time rolled around, she kept talking about how she was probably going to end up moving back in with her dad, because he lived literally across the street from the university she wanted to attend, and she encouraged me to apply there, too , so that we could go there together. I looked it up online, and it looked like a nice school, so I applied. This was toward the end of our junior year.
My friend ended up getting pregnant later that year and putting her college plans on hold for a while, but my mom and I took a drive up to the campus for a tour and I absolutely fell in love with it. Since I’d applied so early, I found out I got in quickly, so I didn’t even bother applying anywhere else. I don’t regret it at all. I adored my four years there and would happily go back for grad school if I could afford grad school.
I should have mentioned: I attended Bradley University (an officially “mid-sized” but small-feeling, private university) in Peoria, Illinois, from 2003-07, applying in 2002.
These comments are fascinating to me! My kids are 3 and 1, so I’m nowhere near experiencing this myself, but still having a hard time pulling my eyes away from this comment thread!
Here’s my “how I picked my college” story. It will be long, but you asked for that!
For reference, I’m 37. I started obsessively researching colleges my sophomore year of high school. I was an only child at the time (my parents had their second child -surprise!- when I was 17). Very few people on either side of my family went to college (one aunt did a 2-year nursing program, and another aunt won a full ride scholarship for the music program at a state university). But that’s it, and both sides of my family are quite large. Also, most of my family members are quite successful career-wise, for what it’s worth. I wasn’t actively encouraged to go to college (wasn’t actively discouraged, either….I just don’t think it was on my parents’ radar). There was no money set aside to pay for it. Side note: I married into a family in which college is not a choice; it’s a requirement. So I guess I’m more actively interested in this thread than I originally thought!
Anyway. I knew I wanted to go to college, and that I wanted to go out of state; that was my personal starting point. I grew up in Seattle, and wanted to stay in the “West” – preferably somewhere that I would need to fly to, but that had direct flight options. Which is hilarious to me now, because how was I going to pay for those flights, and why was I so concerned with “direct flight options” when I had been on exactly ONE trip in my life that required flight at that point?! Teenagers are so weird. Also, this makes it sound like I had a contentious relationship with my family, which is not at all the case! I’ve just always been a “I need my own space” kind of person; whereas most of my family members are NOT THAT WAY AT ALL, so I wanted to get away. At the time, I wanted to be a Physician Assistant, so was looking at places that had a good pre-med/life sciences program. I also preferred a smaller school, and gravitated towards liberal arts school because I was interested in so many things, and appreciated how a BA seemed to allow a little more freedom than a BS in what you studied. I had narrowed it down to a few favorites, and then (cue angels singing, clouds parting, and a beautiful ray of sunshine beaming down at me), I stumbled across a description of a tiny college in Colorado (Colorado College) that operated on the “block plan”. Instead of taking multiple classes at the same time, students would study one subject for about a month, intensively. So, classes would typically go from 9AM to noon, and then there would be a crap load of independent study/homework everyday. (Spoiler alert: I ended up going there. I remember being required to read “The Prince” by Machiavelli in one day for a Political Science class, and submit a 3-page essay about it the next morning 😂 That’s an extreme example, but illustrates that was an intense experience. Which is what I wanted). I liked how they described the block plan, and that it allowed students to experience learning in a totally different way…for example, in one of my geology classes we went on a week-long tour of CO, NM, AZ, and UT to study rocks and landscapes and formations, hands-on. In a sociology class focusing on the criminal justice system, we did a similar thing – took a multi-state road trip to visit a variety of federal prisons, state/county jails, half-way houses, etc. and interview their residents and employees. There were 8 “blocks” a year, and I’d say 2-3 classes/year included some kind of field trip. I also liked that after every “block” there would be a 4-5 day break (I did TONS of camping and road trips during block breaks). It ended up being a really, really great experience for me. I ultimately became very interested in economics during my sophomore year (which I majored in), and didn’t become a PA. I ended up going into health care information management consulting, and then moved on to corporate training. Now I stay at home with my boys and am well-versed in Play-Doh, Duplo, Paw Patrol, and dry shampoo.
Oh! How did I decide to go there! That is the point of this comment! So, after I came across the description of CC in a college directory, I began frequenting my friend’s house because he had The Internet (a rarity at the time). Did more research on CC, and that was it. I wanted to go THERE. So I only applied there, and also to the University of Washington just to appease my mom (who was at that point suffering from PPD after the birth of my baby sister, and was not thrilled with the idea of me moving to Colorado). Was accepted to both, but oddly enough (and after the the WTF?! reaction from my parents), it ended up being less expensive to go to CC (expensive private school) than UW (state university) because of a combo of financial need + merit based grants/scholarships. My parents couldn’t afford to fly us to CO to tour the campus, but (once again, cue Angels singing) I was in the National Honors Society at the time, and my high school had a program where they would fund 10 members of the NHS in our school to visit a partner school during winter break (kind of an in-country exchange student kind of deal) of senior year. Our partner school just so happened to be in Colorado Springs, which is where CC is, AND the trip happened to coincide with “prospective students” week at the college. So I got the tour, well after I’d been accepted. LOVED it. Small school, expansive but pretty much enclosed campus, huge community vibe. Toured UW when I got home. HATED it. Huge school, buildings scattered everywhere, very little sense of community, chaos everywhere. Done deal.
My financial aid package consisted of grants, a couple small scholarships, the ability to work on campus (which I did, roughly 10-20 hours/week. Was also a RA sophomore and junior years, which paid for my room & board) and student loans. Ended up with roughly $25k of subsidized student loan debt after 4 years for a college that charged almost $30k tuition + room and board/year at the time (state school would’ve been at least $40k in loans after graduation, unsubsidized. So weird). My loans were through Sallie Mae, and I was able to defer them for no interest twice when I was in between jobs post-graduation. They were finally paid off in 2013, even though they were scheduled for payoff in 2021. I’m by no means wealthy, but am “comfortable”…it wasn’t difficult for me to pay my student loans off early. Not a fan of debt, and encourage being debt-free whenever possible, but in my opinion student loans are the best kind of debt there is (they don’t have nearly as big of an impact on your credit score as revolving debt, like credit cards, do. Also, less of an impact than other fixed debt, like car loans or personal loans). Also, ANOTHER side note: my parents didn’t contribute at all to my college expenses, but did pay for me to fly home and back during most winter/ summer breaks. Direct flight options 😂.
Omg. So many typos. Sorry! Back to Play-Doh.😬
I had high test scores but was an academic slacker in high school. Luckily, I was also pretty decent at a sport. That sport opened many doors. I could have had a full scholarship to several state universities, but the second I walked onto the main campus at Duke I knew I’d go there. My parents paid for part and I took out student loans and worked to cover the rest. Was it the right choice? Yes and no. I would have saved a lot of money by going elsewhere. A LOT of money. That might have been the wiser decision. But it was something…almost magical to spend four years surrounded by insanely intelligent students and professors. It was liberating and humbling to go from being one of the smart kids to being a completely unremarkable nerd in a vast sea of nerds. I made some amazing friends and learned some amazing things (and watched some amazing basketball). I’d make the same choice again.
So I was British and it was 1998 and we had to fill out a form with 6 university choices. I remember looking through the prospectuses and picking out 5 based on their courses offered and that they were not too far away from where I lived – think like a 3 hour drive at most. So then I needed a 6th one and I liked that Nottingham had grass and squirrels on the cover of their brochure. So I picked “English and American Studies” at Nottingham, not really knowing much about it.
Some universities would then call you for an interview or have you send in an essay. Or you could just visit them. The 3 that either saw me or my work didn’t offer me a place. (One of those was the one I really wanted: Durham.) The other 3 did offer me a place.
So then I ended up at my random 6th choice on the form, because of the squirrels on the brochure – which also signed me up for study abroad to the USA, which I really wasn’t up for…but that turned out to be where I was when I met my husband online. So it all worked out. And they did have a nice “university park” with squirrels at Nottingham, as promised on the brochure.
For the study abroad program, I went for the small liberal arts college and so spent 3 months at Middlebury College in Vermont. I wasn’t super keen on coming to study abroad, so I at least wanted a small university that wouldn’t be so big and scary. I think they had squirrels too?!
I knew I wanted to say in California (to be closer to family and also to only have in-state tuition to deal with) and I was most interested in the UC system. For me the deciding factor was visiting each campus – I toured probably 4 or 5 (plus CalTech, which I had no interest in going to but my grandfather worked there and wanted to show me around. It was good to see what other schools looked like, even if I didn’t plan to go there!). I was lucky enough to not have to worry about the financial aspects (my parents paid for it all) and I had done well enough academically to also not have to worry about that part, so for me it was all about the FEEL of the campus. I always felt like an outsider in my small town and was excited to find “my people” in college. UC San Diego was beautiful but I felt distinctly like an outsider, just based on the attitude and even the way people dressed. UC Irvine felt empty and devoid of a sense of community. UC Santa Barbara was pretty, but also didn’t feel like “me”. UCLA felt like HOME. I was excited by the prospects in the local community – the culture, the campus activities and groups, and the fact that pretty much nobody on campus has cars, so everything is within walking distance. The people dressed like me and wanted to do the same things I did, and it just felt GOOD and EXCITING. (Plus, my parents met at UCLA back in the day, so I felt a connection to the school because of them). But I’d say that once you’ve narrowed down the schools you can afford and that are academically a good fit for your child (obviously if they’re interested in a major that a school doesn’t offer, then that one is off the table!) make sure they get a chance to visit it and see if they can see themselves living and working and studying in that community. I’m kind of torn on how I feel about the way college is handled in our society (I took 2 years to pick a major that ended up being pretty useless – I decided at the end of my college experience what major I really was interested in, but UCLA didn’t offer it!). But the college EXPERIENCE was absolutely life-changing for me.
My parents, especially my dad, were very involved in helping my pick a college in 1999. My dad read several of the big books that gave info about all of the schools. I wonder if they even make those books anymore? I wanted a mid-size school with a big Jewish population. I was a good student and had a lot of choices. We narrowed it down to Washington University in St. Louis and Emory University in Atlanta. We visited both schools and they were pretty similar. I chose Emory instead of Wash U because Atlanta has better weather! Probably not the best reason for picking a school, but they were very similar and didn’t have much to separate one from the other. My dad insisted that I apply early decision – he said that you have to decide eventually, so you might as well decide now and apply early decision. Also, I inherited money from my great-grandmother that paid for school, so money wasn’t a factor. I’m so happy now that I don’t have student loans. Many of my friends are still paying their loans and I feel really lucky that I don’t have them.
My father passed away when I was in high school and it threw me for such a loop that I ended up flunking out of high school and taking the GED. Junior college was a great place for a fresh start and I learned a lot of things I probably would have learned in high school if I had bothered to show up. I spent four years earning a two year degree, working in a pizza place and paid a little rent to my mom. I had a college counselor that was pushing UC Davis hard but I wanted to be an artist and I knew I had to live in a city. I visited colleges up and down California. I hated Los Angeles (which is funny because that’s where I live now) but I looked at USC, UCLA, UCSD and private art schools in the Bay Area. I ended up getting a lot of little scholarships and one big one to attend one of the private art schools. My mom and some money my grandfather had willed to me, payed for the rest. I transferred almost 100 units. I only applied to San Jose State and the private school. I’m glad I ended up where I did. I met my husband there (he was a transfer student too) but mainly because we were treated as young artists and not so much as students. It was a great two year school for people who already had the basics down. For students coming in right out of high school it wasn’t a good fit for the most part as there weren’t a lot basics taught and there was no student housing. We all lived in shared apartments in the city, which I loved since I was 22 and ready for that. In terms of my major, there wasn’t a lot a person could do without a graduate degree which I ended up getting years later. That was an easy choice as I didn’t want to have a lot of debt so I went to the best state program I could find and my student loans are manageable.
I’m LDS and I grew up in Northern California. By my junior year, I was fairly certain that I wanted to go to an LDS school. You have three options: BYU (in Utah), BYU-Idaho, and BYU-Hawaii. Hawaii is pretty small and also was going to be very far away. I thought Idaho would be too cold. BYU seemed like the best fit in terms of my major, research opportunities, activities, etc.
When it was actually time to apply to college, I decided I wanted to widen my search to some non-religious schools as well. I applied to UC-San Diego for basically no reason beyond that I liked San Diego and USC, because they advertised both my major and that they had a decent sized LDS population in the mailer that I got (I suspect that I got a pretty specifically tailored brochure…)
In the middle of filling out applications, I went on a campus visit weekend to BYU and knew that it would be a really good fit for me. I was afraid that I might not get in so I still applied to the other schools. I ended up getting into all three with substantial academic scholarships (I was a National Merit Scholar). BYU had the lowest tuition cost to start with AND the best scholarship package, plus at that point I’d been on a second campus visit and I knew I would like the school. I think that some of the things that really helped to convince me were that the campus visits were both parent-free with a lot of other potential future students. It made it feel more like college and less like a trip with my parents.
It ended up being a great decision for me. Clearly, it’s not a school I’d recommend to everyone , but I liked the religious atmosphere combined with the strong academics. I had a lot of academic opportunities that left me really prepared for graduate school and I graduated debt-free.
I got in everywhere (only applied to in state schools) and got scholarships. At one smaller school I would have “made” money. I planned to go to OU because it seemed the best or right thing to do, but I wasn’t impressed on the visit. In April of my senior year I visited OSU with my high school (I think) somewhere I would have never thought to go (known as the ag school). The recruiter I spoke with told me I would fit in and they would like me to come. No other college official had said that to me, even at the smaller school. It was a late decision, but I went to OSU. Studied journalism and was a great choice for me. I fit in. (Class of 2003, went on to grad school at UMD where I met my husband.)
I applied to 6 different colleges. All but one were within two hours of my parents house. The other was a 10 hour drive. As a woman going into an engineering field (I majored in chemical engineering), the private schools were offering enough free money to make their tuition/total cost equivalent to the public schools (all lot of private engineering schools have a low % of woman students so they throw money at woman who are accepted). Right around the time I needed to make a final college pick my relationship with my parents had deteriorated and I wanted to get as far as way from home as possible. So I chose the one school that I had applied to that was the farthest away. I had never visited this school, I had never talked to a representative from this school, I had never met anyone that had gone to that school. The college luckily was an absolutely perfect fit for me and I loved it and thrived there, I got lucky.
This is one of my favorite topics, right up there with how you met and why you married your spouse!
My parents let me apply to six schools. ONLY SIX. I was permitted to choose two Ivy Leagues (Princeton and Cornell), two schools with strong ballet programs (because I was a serious dancer at the time — that was Butler and Indiana Univ), and two sort of safety-type schools (Boston Univ and Michigan). I wanted to go far away from home, so I didn’t even apply anywhere in-state, even though I could have gone to a perfectly good state university for free and probably with extra bags of money to boot because I was valedictorian of my class and had good SAT scores.
I really, really, REALLY wanted to go to Princeton. Like, so badly that it HURT. That was the school for me, I believed. I had spent the summer there for a dance program (unaffiliated with the university, but we lived in the dorms on campus) and fell in love with the campus and the town, and I thought it would be a great Life of the Mind kind of place. My parents told me they could not afford to send me there even if I got in. We did not qualify for need-based aid. Same went for Cornell (I still don’t know why I didn’t choose Harvard or Yale as my second Ivy, except that I had ZERO guidance and was just making decisions based on the glossy brochures that flooded our mailbox every day).
I visited all of the campuses (except Cornell) and took tours and all that jazz. I had only put Michigan on the list because my dad suggested a Midwestern state school. I knew virtually nothing about it and I poo-pooed it as not meeting my exalted standards. I auditioned for the ballet programs at Butler and Indiana. Weirdly, I got into Butler AND got academic and ballet scholarships, but at Indiana I got rejected from the ballet program (but still got an academic scholarship). I didn’t like Butler much, though, except for the dance program and I didn’t think it was practical to go to college and major in ballet since I’d be a washed up age 22 by the time I graduated so too old to get into a lot of ballet companies.
I got into Boston Univ and got a truckload of merit scholarships there. But I hadn’t loved the campus (just a bunch of buildings in the city) or the people I met there and just felt a little meh about it. Indiana I liked ok but when I didn’t get into the dance program I was like, NOPE.
I went to visit Michigan with my mom and it was FREEZING in April and snowed during our tour but there was just something about it that I loved. It felt like a fit from the moment I set foot on campus, even though I had been so haughty about it and was prepared to hate it. It was a classic college campus and the law quad looked just like Princeton, and there was this energy that felt very contagious — school spirit, I guess. It seemed like the quintessential college experience. I had also planned to audition for their dance department, but they saw me and were like, “umm…this is a MODERN DANCE program, not ballet.” So I was conflicted about that part, but then over time I just decided that I would dance on the side (or not) and not major in it so I didn’t matter.
Then a week or two after I got home from visiting UM, I got a waitlist letter from Princeton (SO SAD) and got accepted to Cornell but got almost no aid and it seemed like almost the same school as Michigan for a bigger sticker price, so I went to Michigan. I was in the honors program and I lived in honors housing so I got to nerd out in that way, and by the way I got zero financial aid so my parents were real thrilled since the out of state tuition there is not insignificant. But they were VERY happy not to have me go to an Ivy so they gladly paid for UM. (NOW I know that I should have advocated for myself at Princeton to get off the wait list — written letters, had teachers write letters, etc, but WHATEVER, I just did nothing because I had no clue and no help from advisors or anything).
Looking back, I think I would have been MUCH happier at a small liberal arts school. I mean UM was great and Ann Arbor was really fun, and I had overall a fine experience, but I think I was also overwhelmed by the size and I could have used a lot more hand-holding than I got (which was none). I think I would have liked a very cerebral school (like U of Chicago, where my husband went) or some little New England college with a great writing program. It really was fine and I had great friends and had a fun time and did well in school, but I don’t know. College in general wasn’t as awesome as I had expected, but maybe that would have been true no matter where I went (probably so).
I agree with the others who have said it matters less where you go and more what you do there. But personally, I was too young to understand that at the time, and I think a lot of kids are.
I applied early to Wesleyan, after I’d felt the biggest CLICK of my life when I visited. (I visited 8 or 9 different schools and didn’t feel it anywhere else, even though I could imagine myself being fine at almost all of them.)
Best decision of my life, and probably the only one I ever felt THAT sure of. It was an incredibly wonderful place to learn. It also taught me to recognize the massive privilege that allowed me, an only child of a professor who got $$ in tuition exchange, to go to a small liberal arts school without a scholarship and not rack up a zillion dollars of debt. (I did that later, in grad school.)
I had no idea what I wanted to be when j grew up, so I narrowed first by location – I wanted to be at least an hour’s from my parents’ house, but no more than three, to make going home every weekend impossible, but did not render the weekend too difficult.
Then I immediately crossed off the two schools where the majority of graduates from my high school end up. I wanted AWAY from the high school crowd.
I sorted by 4-year graduation rates. My brother is three years younger and my parents could do one year with double tuition but they could not do two, so I had to make sure I’d be done in 4 years or I’d be on my own for tuition.
Then I narrowed down by campus type – I shied away from large schools with huge class sizes, wanting a more intimate feeling. I also eschewed colleges I deemed “too religious.”
I basically sorted through all the pamphlets and papers (three piles: definitely no, probably not, and possibly) using the above criteria, then visited the 10 or so “maybes.” The visits made it easier to thin down the pile. the college that didn’t seem uber religious on paper turned out to be. What I thought would be my first choice school ended up smelling like weed everywhere. And finally, I had it down to 4 schools, applied and was accepted to all, and then played financial-aid-bingo to see which was most affordable. And I remain delighted with my choice to this day; I love my alma mater.
Three years later my brother used the same process, but with essentially opposite criteria – huge school, attended by about half of his graduating class, lots of weed – and he was equally pleased with his decision.
I went to a very prestigious boarding school that employed college counselors who had worked in the admissions offices of Ivy League and other top universities. All my classmates were major gunners, so they only let us apply to our top choice Ivy with the logic being that more kids from our school would get into top schools if the top x% got into every school they applied to. Given that environment, it was just a given that I would go to “the best” school I could get into.
I had decided that I wanted to be in a city and that was about all I knew. However, I think we must have been given good information about what each school’s “personality” was. One weekend early in my senior year, I traveled from school with a friend to Philadelphia to UPenn. We stayed with a really cute guy who had gone to our high school, and we experienced a typical freshman weekend. I have no memory of what we did other than than sleep on the floor of his dorm room. Apparently, I had a great time.
I applied early and knew that I was in before my fall exams. I had planned to apply to Northwestern and maybe some other schools, but I never even had to visit them.
In the end, Penn was great for me. I was able to find “my people,” and the academics were a good balance of intellectual inquiry and practical focus on getting jobs during the summer and after graduation.
In the end, college is where I made my lifelong friends, I feel very lucky to have chosen the path I did.
PS. Once I got there, I hardly ever saw the cute guy from my visit.
PPS. I don’t think my process was particularly scientific or replicable. I just went there, got a good feeling, and went with it. It also is worth noting that my parents supported the “go to the best school I could get into and Ivys are the best” philosophy, and they also paid for me to go so I graduated without loans or guilt for spending so much on school.
I live in California, and you cannot swing a dead cat around California without hitting a public university. My two older sisters both went to California State University, Humboldt, which is where my parents went (and met), and near where my grandmother lived. I loved and still love the Humboldt campus, and thought for most of high school that I would go there (this was before Humboldt County became the marijuana capital of the world, but only just). However, the situation at my grandmother’s house was stressful (she had her own very old mother and a disabled son to care for), and combined with the fact that many of my friends were going to the local community college, meant it was no longer my first choice. I applied to Humboldt and Cal States Chico and, I think, Sacramento, which were an hour and two hours from my parents, respectively. I got into all three, but went three semesters to the community college first. Then, I chose Chico, commuted for a semester, and moved down into an apartment with friends for my junior and senior years.
As to why those schools … I had great grades (among the top 10 in my class) and decent extra curriculars, so it’s entirely possible I could have gotten into a “better” school. I don’t really remember ever being told that I COULDN’T go to a University of California, or Stanford, or whatever. It was just kind of understood that unless I could win myself a big scholarship, those were out of the question, as were out of state schools. It also didn’t seem to be an option to take out student loans – I remember filling out the FAFSA and discovering that loans were all I qualified for, but the fact that I wouldn’t be availing myself of them was kind of unspoken (although hoo, boy, am I grateful for that now). I also know I applied for a few scholarships, and despite my grades and above average (but not excellent) SAT scores, I got, like, $250.
I do remember being told that if I wanted to live anywhere other than with my parents or grandmother, I would have to work to pay for room and board. Once I did move out and get an apartment and a job, my mother contributed the $100 a month she was saving on my commute to paying for my groceries (and yes, I now find it HILARIOUS that $100 could pay for a five-day commute of 100 miles round trip, or almost a month’s worth of groceries when I was in school).
Bottom line, state schools close to home or grammy were my only option if I wanted it completely paid for. I’ll also say that in my family, college was just a thing you did, it wasn’t talked up as some kind of amazing or transformative experience, so where I went wasn’t a monumental decision for me. The only campuses I toured were Berkley and UC Davis, because my high school offered field trips to them. My husband also went to a CSU, lived with his parents, and in his case, worked almost full time to completely pay for undergraduate and graduate school himself (he is as yet the only member of his family to get even a bachelor’s degree). While we do ok (ok enough that our kids will not likely qualify for any financial aid), and I’m saving whatever I can for college, I will strongly discourage them from taking out loans and will probably make the same deal my parents did (full ride to whatever we can afford, but no room and board if they want to live on campus or somewhere not with me). The difference is, if we continue to live in our area, my kids will have a very large choice of both public and private universities within driving distance (or even biking). The difference is also that college costs have gone up exorbitantly since my mom paid $1000 a semester for me, so despite my determination to be cheap about it, thinking about it at all is still a big stressor.
One summer (in California) when I was home visiting my parents during college, I ran into my neighbor at the mailbox, and she told me “I don’t understand why you have to go to college all the way off _____ when we’ve got perfectly good colleges right here.” It was very different than the way my peer group had me thinking about the whole thing, but on some level I realized she had a completely valid point.
I don’t remember why I applied to the various schools I did, I think I just basically picked a bunch of small, liberal artsy colleges and used the Common App, but I have an amusing anecdote about which one I ended up going to! I got into everywhere I applied and narrowed it down to Skidmore in NY or Oberlin in OH (I’m from Massachusetts) based, i think, on the financial aid offered. I was leaning towards Skidmore, so my mother and I drove up to see the campus and as we were driving slowly through, a student randomly flipped us off. I’m still not sure why, we didn’t cut them off or not let them cross the street or anything- just completely random. I turned to my mother and said ‘Well, I’m going to Oberlin now’ and I did. I mailed in my acceptance letter without even visiting the campus. Don’t mess with my mom!
I joke that I flipped a coin. And… kind of, I did.
I researched schools that I thought might be a good fit for me (small, liberal arts) and that would almost certainly accept me (one state university). I visited schools. I took copious notes. I interviewed, I stayed overnight, I visited classes. My parents and I approached this like it was a full-time job. (My parents, by the way, were wonderful. They asked me lots of questions but never gave their own opinions unless I specifically requested them. I still don’t know where they would have actually *preferred* for me to go to school, or if my chosen institution was the one they were pulling for.)
I applied to 8 schools.
Boston College honors program, Sarah Laurence, Middlebury (a HUGE long shot), Pitzer, Pomona, Scripps (those last three are all part of a consortium), Western Washington, and Occidental. I was accepted at Boston College, Sarah Laurence, Scripps, and Occidental.
Being a privileged, slightly sheltered kid, I didn’t realize what an enormous privilege it was to be able to choose based on my interest and attachment to the school, not based on money. I’m still not sure I can fully appreciate that, but I have a growing sense of awareness as I slowly, painfully pay off my loans for my Masters program.) Regardless, my decision making centered around the academic options at the school (I was interested in psychology), the extracurricular options (theatre), and the “feel.”
So, I visited the schools before I applied, and I visited the finalists (Scripps and Occidental) again after I was accepted.
And then I sat at my kitchen table, wearing an Occidental t-shirt and a Scripps sweatshirt, crying from frustration. I had two excellent choices, and I didn’t know which one to choose. (This is the point where my mom reassured me that I had more than this option– if I wanted to go to community college and then re-assess, I could do that, too. A good person, my mother.)
I spent one class period of AP Government flipping a coin if I got “more” heads, I would go to Scripps. If I got “more” tails, I would go to Oxy. (Note that I didn’t specify how many heads or tails I needed.) After getting a truly disproportionate number of tails, I tried spinning the coin instead. It landed on heads. I thought, “Oh! That was the problem! My technique!”
I called and made my deposit that afternoon :)
I forgot to add: An important factor for me was “absolutely not in Washington state,” which is where I lived at the time, having moved there just before my junior year of hs. I liked Washington ok, but I was really determined to escape the nest a little bit. I really liked the distance to the LA area– a 2 day drive or 2.5 hour flight. Painless, but a notable distance.
I also LOVED the weather…
I am taking you at your word that you will read it all because 124 comments!!! Anyway, I did not comment on the financial aid post, but some of my college story applies. My mother and father both worked at a large fairly prestigious University in the South (Emory University) (that they both attended) and my older brother and I always knew we could get free tuition to go there. My brother ended up going to the Naval Academy, so no tuition for my parents from him. I really really wanted to go to a small Northeastern Liberal Arts College. (this was 1996 by the way). We toured a lot of them and I loved it. I could really SEE myself at one of those schools. In retrospect, I think I would have really thrived there.
But. There was enough money in a bank account to pay for one year of those colleges. I was 18, so I am a little fuzzy on the details, but what I understood was that meant I got zero financial aid from most of those schools. At least for the first year, until all that money was gone. And it was a toss up as to whether I’d get any the next year after, and my parents did not make enough money to afford much of the tuition–it would have all been loans. And I had some scholarships, but not enough to really make a difference. (2000 off $25,000 barely made a dent.)
Anyway, I fought against it, and held out until the last minute, but I ended up going to Emory because of the financial situation (courtesy tuition for children of faculty!) I don’t regret the decision exactly, but I never did find my place or groove there, and don’t think of the time with much fondness. I had a good boyfriend who did not go there, and a couple of good friends, but certainly not a crowd or a family. And I never really found my place–I popped all over. But, I ended with no debt, so that helped. And I was able to spend the summers doing some really cool jobs out west that I found my freshman year, and I found my place there. And I met my further husband and close friends out here instead, and followed a life path that I had no idea existed. So, choosing the safe school was kinda meh, but the rest of the life that happened because of that was pretty cool.
tl;dr I chose the one that made the most financial sense.
Oh! I just remembered my mom’s college picking story. It always fascinates me. She was from Knoxville, TN. She was deciding amongst Vanderbilt, Duke, and Emory. She visited Vanderbilt, and one of the girls there from her high school snubbed her so she crossed it off her list. Then during her visit to Duke, JFK was assassinated. So she decided to go to Emory.
There are so many comments I doubt you’ll get this far, but here are some of my thoughts.
My college search was 17 years ago, and looking back now I can’t remember all of the details. For instance, how did I narrow down the many options? I was a high achieving student, so theoretically I could get in just about anywhere. As far as I can remember, I narrowed it down by deciding to look only at schools where friends or relatives had attended and had positive experiences. My parents, who were using a combination of their savings and loans to pay for my education, strongly encouraged me to consider schools where I could get in-state tuition. That was one of the benefits of living in Texas: I could get in-state tuition and still venture 9 or 10 hours (or more!) away from my home town to a city incredibly different from the one where I grew up. That was my primary criteria: I wasn’t interested in going to the university in my hometown, or anywhere too nearby. I wanted a new environment. (I am raising my children in a much smaller state and am already sad for them that they won’t be able to both go away for college AND have in-state tuition.)
I toured seven campuses, most of them on a one-week road trip around central Texas during spring break of my junior year. A couple involved flying to other states, but one was tacked onto a visit to family so there was really only one that was a special “just to visit this college” plane trip.
I remember I ruled out a certain Texas private school after the tour, based mostly on the fact that I just didn’t find the campus aesthetically pleasing at all. That seems like sort of a silly reason now, but I just didn’t get a good vibe. I also ruled out applying to the one Ivy League school I toured because after doing the tour and the interview I realized that I was too intimidated by the pressure. Again, it seems like a silly reason, but when I found out they do finals AFTER winter break and you’re expected to spend that winter “break” preparing for your exams, I was like “NOPE.” I also wasn’t convinced I’d fit in at an Ivy League school even if I did get accepted (in retrospect, this was a smart choice; it really wouldn’t have been a good fit).
In the end I applied to 7 schools (a couple of which I hadn’t visited in person). Of those, about half were “safety schools” where I was positive I would get accepted. Texas has that Top 10% rule guaranteeing acceptance into public universities if you’re in the top 10% of your graduating class.
I ended up getting accepted to all 7, so after that it was mostly a financial decision. The one out-of-state school I applied to didn’t offer me a scholarship or financial aid, so my parents basically told me “Look, you have 6 other much more affordable options. Pick one of those.” And I didn’t have my heart set on the out-of-state school, so I readily agreed to that. I ranked the others by which were offering me the best scholarship/financial aid packages.
In the end it came down to a huge public state university (very well-respected, in a city I loved, no scholarship) and a much smaller private university (also well-respected, in a city I didn’t love quite as much, but I was planning to major in theatre and they had a smaller department so I figured that would mean more stage time.) The private school had offered me a scholarship that made the price basically equivalent to the public school.
I couldn’t decide but was leaning toward the smaller private school, so the weekend before the decision deadline my dad flew with me out to the private university for another campus visit. I met with the chair of the department and some faculty members and students, and decided that I would be happy there. When I got home, satisfied that my decision was made and confident in my choice, I had a letter waiting for me from the public university, belatedly offering me a pretty substantial scholarship that would have made it the least expensive option by far. But I had just made my decision after a lot of agonizing, and was happy with my decision to attend the private school, and didn’t want to start all the pro-cons all over again. So I threw the scholarship letter in the trash and accepted the offer of the private school. To this day I am ASTONISHED that my parents let me do that. I hope I’ll let my children follow their instincts when it comes to choosing a college someday, but I don’t know if I’d be able to stomach them basically throwing away free money like that!
How did it work out? To be honest, I was actually pretty unhappy at the university I chose during my first semester. At Christmas break I cried and begged to be allowed to come home, but my parents insisted that I give it just one more semester. My mom promised that if I was still miserable in May I could come home. But just after winter break it was like I finally found my groove. I started making friends and really fell in love with the place I was living. And I do think I had many more opportunities as a result of being in a smaller department, and that benefited me in the long run. I eventually went to grad school and earned a PhD and am actually making a good living in the field I studied, which is rare for a theatre major. :-) Who knows, the same may have happened if I’d gone to the larger public university. But I ended up doing my PhD and working as a professor for a time at a large state research-focused public university similar to the one I didn’t choose for my undergrad. I saw how it was for the undergrads I taught there, and I’m certain that had I chosen the large public university I wouldn’t have gotten the same level of great mentoring I did at my private school, mentoring which led directly to the career I’m in now. So, it was a good decision. [Not to knock large public universities, by the way, which really are great choices for many people!]
Oh, I am definitely still reading along! Each time I come to my computer I read the comments that have come in since the last time I was at my computer!
Just gotta comment…
I’m loving that your mom encouraged you to stay one more semester and then you found your groove (almost as if just knowing it would be okay to transfer that summer made you relax about the whole situation) AND I’m also loving that your parents didn’t force the lowest-cost-to-them scholarship on you.
And I’m intrigued about your job working in theatre! One of my kids could likely go to college for performing arts and there’s not a lot of “Oh cool, she should do that!” reactions when I mention it in real life.
Yay for arts!
:-)
I am so happy you made the point about being unhappy your first semester. I got into my dream school, and STILL I was unhappy my first semester, not because of my college, but because of the expectations I had put on college. I was a dweeb in high school, and I think I imagined that at Dream College everyone would be bowled over by my awesomeness, because this was Dream College and it was filled with My Tribe and it’s your tribe’s job to be bowled over by your awesomeness. (18-year-old me had some things to figure out still.)
The very nice people at Dream College helped me adjust my expectations to something more reasonable, and I still love them for it.
I have read about 1/4 of these and intend to go back and finish the rest. So interesting, even though I have a toddler and preschooler.
My parents were very on the ball and prioritized college savings, plus had help from my generous grandparents, so they were able to pay for my siblings and I to obtain bachelors and master’s degrees…we each have both. I am eternally grateful to them. Seriously.
I am the oldest and my parents put no parameters on my search. I had zero desire to leave home and was seriously dreading college. I am close to my family, all my siblings would still be at home, and I loved my high school friends fervently and was broken hearted to leave my wonderful support and social circle. But, I applied to five colleges, none more than 3 hrs away. Three big state universities from three different neighboring states, plus two smaller private schools with strong academic reputations. In the end, I chose one of the state universities pretty much solely because two of my close friends were going there.
This was good and bad. I ended up growing even closer to one of my friends, and we lived together the remainder of college. We had a great time together, and I can’t imagine a better or easier housemate.
However, I would have been much, much happier at a small school. I struggled to find my place, and never really did. I was in a very popular major with literally thousands of other kids who I wouldn’t really see from one class to the next. I was truly miserable my freshman year, and although it got better, I don’t really look back on college fondly. I did do very well academically, and felt that I had a really strong education there.
For grad school, I chose another state school…the one my parents were pushing for undergrad but I refused (would have qualified for in-state tuition even though it was out of state, based on ACT score and alumni parent). I went there because my boyfriend was going there for law school, and because both my brothers were there for undergrad.
And I loved it. I loved the town, the campus, and I especially was happy to be in a very small group setting (went through with a class of about 30). I felt like I got to know my classmates well, and made some good friends. I just felt so much happier. But I don’t know how much of that was a function of living on my own, which I loved, or living in the same town as my boyfriend (now husband) which I loved. I’m sure it was everything combined.
in all, I don’t regret my choices per se, but I do feel sad that my undergrad experience wasn’t very good. I think I could have actually found a school better suited for me. But, who knows. I was probably destined to be homesick and miserable that first year.
My husband’s parents didn’t pay for ANY of his schooling. Like, at all. Because their parents hadn’t paid for theirs, so…yeah. Never mind that it was in the early 70s when prices didn’t really compare, or that my MIL’s parents actually did pay hers but said they would stop if she got married, and she stupidly did at age 19’or whatever, so then they were on their own. Not that it was stupid to get married, but just…why wouldn’t you wait until you graduated to save yourself a lot of debt and grief!? Oh well.
Anyway. He ended up choosing a very cheap state school with a bad academic reputation, and was never thrilled about it. Went to law school at the out of state school that I attended, and really really liked it. He doesn’t have regrets except for the exorbitant cost. He wracked up well over $100,000 in loans. And guess what…graduated in 2008…quite possibly the worst time to try to get a job with a law degree. His first job paid very literally $19,000 year, and it took him 6 months to find it. And he did well in law school! I was the “breadwinner” with a very measly social work job that paid next to nothing, too (I do regret my major and field), and we struggled mightily those first few years. The debt has been nothing but a dark cloud over our head. We have been very aggressively paying it down and will be done in 6 months or so…it makes me want to cry to realize how much we have paid and wasted, considering he no longer works in law…he hated being an attorney. Gahhhh.
There is a benefit to being younger. My parents and siblings seemed to learn from my experience. One brother chose that same state school, then went to grad school at the school that offered him a free ride plus a generous stipend. He wasn’t super excited about it, since he got accepted to some great schools,mi clouding Ivy League, which is impressive for our small town. But he loved the school he ended up at, and met his wife there. Plus his job was paying for grad school…he worked a year in between the two…and so he got to pocket the money and basically was making money hand over fist. Graduated way ahead.
My sister also went to that school, which offered an accelerated program to graduate with your master’s degree in five years. She did very well, and chose a lucrative career, so the baby of the family is doing better than all of us. :/
My other brother chose a small school with a good tennis scholarship, hated it, dropped out after the first year, attended community college for a year to get his grades up (didn’t do great that first bad year), and also ended up at that state school. He chose bad fields…sociology and communications…went to grad school for teaching, and finally has a job after waffling around, trying out different jobs and careers and considering other degrees.
This is the longest comment ever. Sorry. I just think it’s such an individual choice, and it’s hard to know until you’re there. I’ve known tons of kids who dropped out and many had trouble going back. Some never did. So I worry about that. I’m really glad I stuck it out, but I wish I’d considered my personality more…and my needs as a social introvert, who prefers intimate groups. And hates football. And Greek life.
Good luck to you, Swistle!! I dread this process in 14 years. :/
I am chiming in kind of late but hopefully my comment will be useful. I’ve worked as a career counselor at 3 colleges, and what I always tell students and there families is that ultimately your major doesn’t matter that much, other than for a few specific industries (like engineering, business, science, computer science).
Unless you understand what a major entails, and are SURE you want to pursue one that is required for a specific career path, then your major doesn’t matter. Take the most interesting classes with the best professors. Declare your major as late as possible. Avoid minors and double majors and combined majors: they have no market value and add unnecessary constraints to the program of study.
Unless you *know* what specialized major you want going in (meaning, you have succeeded in related courses in high school AND you have conducted internships/school activities/pre-college courses that expose you to the realities of the discipline), then I recommend choosing a major that seems compelling at the outset and has the fewest required courses. The more flexibility you have in choosing classes, the easier it is to study with professors who are known to be engaging, supportive, and smart. It is the *professors* who in large part shape your college experience and what follows. A lot of students come into college thinking they want to major in international relations or pre-law or whatever, and they have zero understanding of what these disciplines entail. This is fine, they are 19 years old. But often these misunderstandings lead to misery and frustration, and a sense of isolation (because it seems that everyone else in the major likes it and wants to pursue it) and a sense of being trapped (the intro classes might not transfer to a different major and it makes it hard to switch). Because of that, I recommend keeping options open for as long as possible, taking a variety of courses with great professors, and not declaring until the student feels *confident* about the major. Unless you are pre-med, committed to science, engineering, or CCIS, your major becomes irrelevant as soon as you graduate, and there is *no market value* to a double major, combined major, self-invented major, etc. The angst involved in all these permutations is not worth it. You can major in English and have an interest in film, and it is much better to take three great film classes than to pursue an official film minor that requires two additional boring classes that then eliminate options for more intriguing electives.
Thanks for your comments with regard to majors. In relation to this and to seeking out the best professors, I think it’s also important to ask during tours (or via independent research) about the extent to which any given college uses adjuncts as part of its teaching force. And this will also vary a lot depending on each individual department or program at a university.
The reliance on poorly paid and poorly treated adjuncts is still one of higher ed’s dirtiest secrets. If your kids end up at a school and/or program where they’re being taught mostly by adjuncts, then they will probably have less access to their instructors outside of class hours. Chances are good that an adjunct you had for freshman year won’t be around to write you a recommendation letter when you’re a senior.
Many adjuncts are wonderfully talented teachers; many tenured professors are not. But the conditions under which most adjuncts labor are extremely poor, and in the end, that means a raw deal for their students too.
If you and Rob can resist the admittedly enormous cultural pressure to get him in to the fanciest school possible, you will save money and he will still get an education. Think about the kinds of situations in which he has thrived in middle and high school and look for a college that can offer something similar. Out of the four colleges I have attended, I did find the private, more selective schools offered more challenging and rewarding academics, but a lot of that depends on the faculty, and there are excellent teachers everywhere.
So… how did I attend a whopping four colleges? Where to start. A few people have mentioned Colleges that Change Lives. 15 or so years ago, when it was only a book, that is how I found Lawrence University, a liberal arts college which is also a Conservatory of Music (like Oberlin, but even more obscure), and which promptly became my dream school. I applied there, and to three other liberal arts schools I had no intention of attending, and to Nearish Home State University (NHSU). My parents took me to visit Lawrence and audition, and I was admitted and given a reasonably generous scholarship. I also had some small scholarships from other sources and my parents had money saved. Lawrence is a wonderful school, where I had incredible experiences as a musician, and was challenged academically. We were expected to do an enormous amount of reading and writing. But for me, at the time, it was too far from home and honestly, I was in the middle of the road in terms of musical talent there. This is something to consider- I made much more progress, and was happier doing it, when I transferred to NHSU, where I was a big fish in a smaller pond. Some people like to feel they need to fight their way to the top, I find that discouraging. I thrived when I felt that the people around me (students and faculty) expected me to succeed and be one of the best.
Another thing… one of the reasons I transferred was to be closer to my boyfriend (AACK what was I thinking??). But he broke up with me (DOUBLE AACK), and who could have known that at NHSU I would meet the man who is now my husband? Fate is so twisty. And, my mom recently confided that she was relieved when I transferred because of the reduced expense.
Husband to be and I graduated from NHSU and have since moved all over the country going to a series of prestigious graduate schools (braggy examples: Northwestern, Princeton). So, going to a state school can give you the chance to make sure of your interests in a low pressure setting, get a degree, and go on to graduate school if that is what you want. College is an excellent opportunity to learn that you get out what you put in in terms of effort.
I really love your point about being a big fish in a smaller pond. The father of a high school friend once told me that his son had been certain that I would end up at an Ivy. Never mind that we couldn’t afford it, I think I would have TANKED at an Ivy. I was used to being at or near the top of my class without having to struggle for it (other than always completing the work), and if I’d found myself down in the middle in college, I might well have become extremely depressed. As it was, I graduated my state school Magna Cum Laude and was extremely proud of myself and confident (whether I should have been or not) in my abilities in starting my career.
I have very different views about the value of being at the top academically now – we live in an area where parents put TONS of pressure on their kids in this way, and I hope to avoid that trap with my girls, mainly so they don’t wrap their entire self worth up in being “smart” like I did. But I think its equally important that they’re in an environment where failure isn’t devastating, and they have room to figure out what they want to do without pressure, which often means a less expensive school.
My oldest is approaching her senior year, and I’m also in the information-gathering/panicking stage. I found the replies to your last post so very helpful, and I’m hoping to find time to read all of the replies to this one!
My own story is a very 80’s one, and not very useful to the students looking now. The times were just different. I looked at three state schools (UNC, UVA, and Penn State). I didn’t like UNC at all after visiting it, so I crossed it off the list and applied to the other two. UVA wait-listed me, but Penn State (my home state’s school) gave me a scholarship. There was no need to make a tough decision! I was very happy there, and I really liked the advantages of a large university. I had the extra advantage of choosing an uncommon major, so my department was very small. Students and faculty all knew each other, and I had some of that “small school” experience in that regard.
Looking back, I find it odd that I only looked at large state schools, and that I looked at those which would make me pay out-of-state tuition. OOS tuition wasn’t as bad then as it is now, but I would never suggest one of my kids look at a school other than our own state’s system, except for a neighboring state that has reciprocity. I have had my daughter look at different sizes of schools and different campus environments (large city, small city, town) to help figure out what she wants, something that I never did.
My daughter is dreaming of a small liberal arts college. We’ve visited several and she loves everything about them. If she doesn’t get enormous amounts of scholarships and grants, however, she’s going to have to put that dream aside and make the best of it at our state school. We can’t possibly afford the sticker price on those schools, and we have four more kids to think of. We can’t go into debt to give her her dream college experience, as much as I wish we could. It’s sad that college has become a business transaction in so many ways, but we’ve had to look at it practically. She is not choosing a school or major which could possibly justify large educational loans. She won’t earn enough upon graduating.
She now has a list of 10 or so schools she may apply to. We narrowed down the list by looking at location (she wanted to be no more than 3-4 hours from home), availability of merit scholarships (without them, she can’t go, and we’ve learned that merit scholarships are more important than the price tag), overall reputation (rankings like US News and World Report), size of school (she wants 2,000 students or smaller), and of course, availability of her current major interests. Because one of her interests is religious studies, we’ve used that as a guideline for the overall school. She does not want a program that is specifically Christian-focused, so by looking at the course list online, we’ve been able to rule out some schools as not right for her. We’ve also looked at the course descriptions in her other areas of interest (psychology and French) to see if the classes look to be varied and interesting.
I didn’t chose my school; it chose me. I was a stand-out high school athlete, but also a good student (graduated in top 5% of class). Early in senior year, I visited several colleges within 2-3 hours of my hometown. I knew I didn’t want to go far away. I wanted to study athletic training as a college major (this was early 1990s when this was somewhat of a new major at many schools). What I quickly learned was that one cannot be a college athlete AND study athletic training (especially if your sport season overlaps with nearly every other sport). Athletic training majors need to be available to be at other sporting events. I suppose it would have been possible, it just likely would have taken longer than 4 years to graduate. I was receiving interest from many Division II and III schools to play for them (again at the time, there were less Scholarship opportunities for DII and DIII schools – things were less intertwined with federal aid back then). I wasn’t exactly sure of much of anything at the time, but I did want a Division I scholarship… so when a smallish local-ish private Division I College came a knockin’ with a scholarship offer, I took it. They offered degrees in Sport Management (which I though “well, close enough!” at the time.) I even agreed to play there fairly early – signing a NCAA National Letter of Intent to play for them in November of my senior year. My scholarship was for the amount that covered room and board and 15 credits per term. No books or other fees were covered. After applying (somewhat of a formality admittedly) I also won a leadership grant which covered room and board. But one scholarship canceled out the other, and the money could not be applied to books/fees. Oh well, this was good enough. I had also taken some AP classes in high school, transferring into college credit. and I took 2 summer internships for credit. The sport thing was tough. No lie, they own you. While everyone else went home for 3-4 weeks during between-semester holiday break, we got 5 days off…. then back in the gym for two-a-day practices. I didn’t love it, and sometimes hated it. The thought of transferring crossed my mind, but by the time I was done with two years, I was 65% done with credits. I decided to stay so as not to lose credits. But after my junior year, I quit my sport, gave up my athletic scholarship. I only needed 17 more credits. I asked for my Leadership grant to cover my room and board for 1 semester (had to fight for this, as they said I gave it up, and had to say, “Hey I was awarded it for 4 years, and I’m asking for one semester!” And my parents happily paid tuition on the 17 credits. I graduated a semester early.
It’s been nearly 21 years since I graduated and I still question the decision. I don’t regret it… because… no loans. I’m not close with anyone still from college. Admittedly I just barely made the cut as a Division I athlete. I could have been happier at a Division II or III school (and would have played more and felt more like I belonged on a team, and, and, and….) But I do feel that my ability to hang in there in a not-so-great situation showed a lot of dedication and smarts on my part. I could have had a better/happier college experience somewhere else. But maybe I’m a better/happier person now for sticking with a difficult situation?
Tying into the “applying for college” post… When word spread among Sport Management administrators that I gave up my athletic scholarship, I was approached and offered the opportunity to go to Australia for a semester (there was an exchange program with a uni there for the major). I didn’t go. I also think about how I probably should have gone! I wouldn’t have been able to graduated early, and by the time they offered I was “DONE” with it… as in I just want to finish ASAP and move on.
After graduation, I went on to get an MBA, while working part time (well, full time, but seasonal) as an event coordinator with my city’s parks and recreation department. I didn’t mention that I minored in quantitative analysis in undergrad, but that’s essentially the “field” I’ve worked in for the past 18 years. Had QA been offered as a major, I would have taken that as my major.
Anyway, yikes, this was a trip down Memory Lane!
My oldest child is headed to high school next month, and with how fast time flies…
I grew up in a small town in Iowa. People in my town that go to college typically go to a school in the state. In order to encourage me to expand my thinking, when I was in sixth grade (early 90s), my dad said he would give me $1 for every college I wrote to for information. Some colleges never responded; some sent basic packets of stuff they would send to anyone. One (Notre Dame) responded with a thoughtful letter, inviting me to come tour the campus and stay in the dorms, and saying they hoped I would be a member of their class of 2003. While I made weak attempts to look at other colleges my heart was set on Notre Dame from that day forward and fortunately, I was accepted. Honestly a terrible way to make a decision about college but that’s what did it!
I knew I wanted something small and Liberal Arts-y. I was a junior, and my top choices were Hendrix in AR, Swarthmore in PA, Macalester in MN, and Reed in WA.
Then I got a brochure in the mail from a tiny school I’d never heard of that said, “Do you love to read?” And my mother insisted I visit that school, Shimer College in Chicago, so I agreed, but only for a couple days and only if I could go see Macalester right afterward. I was convinced I’d love Macalester — Kofi Annan went there!
Spoiler alert: I did not love Macalester. It was perfectly nice and nothing was wrong with it and I just didn’t care.
When I visited Shimer College I fell so completely in love that nothing else would do. It was intoxicating. They used original sources and had discussion-based classes, never lectures, except in the evenings for fun. Dialogue was passionate and respectful and insightful, and the subject material was above my head. (This had never happened before.) The students’ repeating complaint was that they didn’t have enough time to reread all their books after class ended. I knew I would learn something. I didn’t want to leave. I offered to live under the desks in the Admissions Office if I could just please finish out the year there. I was so exhilarated by the thought of actually learning something and being challenged that I refused to consider anything else. They had an early entrance program, so I skipped my senior year.
I went to Shimer to learn to read and comprehend and write and dialogue. And boy did I — I use those skills daily. However, there were issues with a microclimate like Shimer’s 135 students, and I ended up leaving without a degree. I still ended up with about $15,000 in debt. I worked in the business office, so I know I had one of the best scholarships in the school. I had a 3.97 high school gpa, and I was a National Merit Finalist. But it wasn’t enough. FYI, for financial-stability reasons Shimer is now becoming the “Shimer Great Books School” within North Central, another well-respected liberal arts school. Which means the finaid situation may have improved.
I fell in love, and damned the consequences. The things I had wanted were all present, and better than I’d even dreamed. But the consequences ($150/mo in loans and some significant stressors I could not have predicted) were a little worse. I don’t regret that choice. But I do wonder about the road not taken. I could have gotten a good education with much less debt. But I like where I’ve ended up, and that was a step to here.
By the way, for a glance into Shimer you can look at their website, where they have a photo of students protesting the Board of Trustees, holding a sign that says “We Want Dialogue and Transparency.”
I’m from Canada, from a tiny town that has several options for university that are just 2-3 hours away. I don’t remember exactly how I chose my first school, I think based on it being in a (small) city (capital of our province) and wanting to get some distance from my high school friends. I was miserable and sad and terribly homesick my first year, I wanted to quit and go home to go community college but my older sister convinced me to stay. I applied to 2 other universities to transfer to for my second year (one where my best friends were and the other where my boyfriend and sister were). I ended up having a much better time my second semester, but had already made up my mind to leave, and ended up at the university where my friends were.
I did ok there, didn’t really make many friends outside of my high school friends (which is what I was afraid of), but wasn’t a huge fan of the school (overpriced, kind of snooty, no good options for a co-op program (paid work term)), or the town (too small).
That summer, me (nor my bf) didn’t want to move home because there were no summer jobs there so I moved to the city where my sister and boyfriend were because my sister got me a job at her work. I fell in love with the city and was really sad to be leaving in the fall. One day, my mom called me at work to say she had mail for me from the university (of the city where I was currently living). I asked her to open it and it was an acceptance letter from when I had applied over a year ago! To this day I have no clue why it came a year late, with no word in between, but that sealed my fate, I transferred to my third school in 3 years.
I loved the new school, did really well, participated in the co-op program which I attribute to landing a job right after graduation that I love and am still at 10 years later. My boyfriend and I got married and now have a 3 year old daughter, me and my sister are best friends and we still all live in this city.
When I was young I really wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals and wanted to work with them for my career. I grew up in Illinois, was a good student, very involved in school activities-and applied to University of Illinois, which I knew had a vet school. Plus, it was one of the better public schools in the state, had (and I believe still has) a very good reputation. It was about 3 hours away from my south suburb of Chicago home, which I thought was perfect-far enough, but not too far. I knew I would get no financial help from my parents, and I was lucky to get grants that paid my tuition in full. I also got some kind of scholarship for staying in a dorm, but for the life of me-I can’t remember what is was. I didn’t even visit the campus before I decided-I knew I would love it-lots of old buildings, trees-I believe it was established as a teaching college in the late 1800’s.
I REALLY wanted to go there-and I was very lucky I was accepted, because I only applied to two other schools-but they weren’t even a real consideration for me. Lots of my friends were also going, which was a plus to me at the time, although we all branched out and didn’t hang around much after our first semester. This was back in 1979-so quite a long time ago!
I loved U of I-being there thrilled me. I ended up majoring in Animal Science, and I did get to work with animals, but I didn’t go to vet school. I worked and went to school, and it was stressful financially. I couldn’t see trying to get through vet school, when I could still work with animals. I was offered a job before I graduated, which was such a relief. I worked for a large livestock breeding facility. I learned so much, loved living in the country, and worked with great people. So I never regretted my decision-it all worked out for me.
Like I said, I really loved my University-I was very sad to leave the campus, it was so beautiful. All this talk of colleges makes me want to go back to visit-it has been years since I have been there!
I have a sister who is one year older than me (we’re the oldest of 4 kids within 6 years.) We all had good grades and strong test scores, and our parents guided us towards applying to schools where we’d easily get non-need merit scholarships. I was frustrated by the restrictions at the time, but it made sense. I chose to follow my sister and attended the same small liberal arts (Catholic) school as she did, not really because it was my favorite, but because, why not? I didn’t really love any other school more. I did have a better offer from a different school (full tuition and room and board), but the school I went to gave me (and my sister, and eventually my little sister too) almost a full tuition scholarship. We all worked and contributed a decent chunk of change to out college costs, and paid for all our books, clothes, e entertainment, etc.
My parents were both the first in their families to attend and graduate with bachelors degrees, and I think their strategy worked for us. Though I think we might have been competitive for aid at slightly more selective schools.
But – you know what? Small liberal arts college (2500 students) was awesome. I always had full time professors teaching my classes. They took a personal interest in me and my studies and my career, and I still keep in touch with them. I was a big fish in a small pond. I did theater, intramurals, was an undergrad research assistant, editor of the campus newspaper, had lots of little part time work study jobs. I double majored with all my AP credits and also earned a teaching certificate. I met my husband there (so did my sister!)
I went on to get my MA and then my PHD in English. My older sister got her PHD in biochemistry. My younger sister has two masters degrees. We all have great jobs and had no undergrad debt. A beautiful thing.
I’m now, 12 years after graduating, a professor at a regional state college. I’m beginning to freak about my own kids college (6 kids, 11 years old and younger.) But I feel like I have valuable insider knowledge because I work at a college and teach there and advise students. Here’s what I’d keep in mind when looking at colleges:
1. There’s no one perfect college. You really can (and should) “bloom where you’re planted.”
2. Pay attention to the ratio of part time to full time faculty at the college. Adjuncts get paid so poorly in most cases and end up teaching too many (think sometimes 8-10) at several institutions to make a live able wage. Go to a place that has its tenure line faculty teaching undergrad and especially intro courses. It makes a difference.
3. You are going to get quality professors wherever you go. It is HARD to get a tenure line faculty job. A professor we hired two years ago (20th century literature) was one of 400 applicants for this one job. That’s right. Four hundred. For one job at a regional state university in a rural/post industrial town in upstate New York, like real upstate and not anywhere close to NYC. You have to be good AND lucky to get a tenure track job. Faculty make the difference for students – not the campus or school name.
I attended college in 93-97. I was a B student in high school but I did very well on my SATs. My parents did not save for college, but made a deal with me that if I got a full scholarship they would buy me a new car. My dad’s reasoning was that he would rather pay a four year car payment than a four year tuition payment. If I didn’t get a scholarship, they would pay for an in-state public school, but no car. This is the best piece of parenting I have ever witnessed, as I became really motivated to get a scholarship. My only applied to three colleges, all private ( I was very snobby about attending a public school, which…why? Teenagers are weird.) The one I desperately wanted to attend offered me a $2K scholarship, but it was still incredibly expensive. I randomly applied to a private religious college near the coast in a great historic town that I loved, and amazingly they offered me a full academic scholarship, which was surprising to everyone at my school, since I wasn’t in honors classes or anything. The SAT score is what did it. The school was five hours away and out of state, which satisfied my need to leave my crummy town and everyone in it in the dust, yet I could still come home for the weekend. My parents bought me a 95 Dodge Neon, which I wrecked two years later.
Looking back, my application process was a huge gamble and was incredibly stupid, and if I hadn’t gotten that scholarship, I don’t know what I would have done. I made lifelong friends at the school, met my husband, tanned on the beach, and had a great college experience. My post college ‘career’ was a nonexistent, as I majored in something unemployable and just went full time at my low-paying part time job I had worked during school. I really did not have a sense of direction career-wise and had very little guidance from the school or my parents. I really regret that now. I’m finally getting my Master’s at 40, and I wish i had been motivated to do it much much earlier.
I have two sisters. One sister didn’t get the car, went to a public state school, dropped out, went back, and finally finished. My younger sister graduated the year they made lottery scholarships available for the first time, so she went to an in-state public school tuition free, my parents bought her a new car, and she majored in chemistry and is now a brilliant engineer with a government high security clearance job.
Money. It’s that simple. Way back in 1981, I ended up going to an Ivy League university, but only because it was cheaper (with their financial aid) than going to our state one.
With our kids, again it’s money. I almost feel sorry for people who have the luxury of picking ANY college, because how the heck do you decide? Most universities are decent, so long as the student is motivated enough. As one person said to my son, “MIT is a great school, but $70,000 worth of great? Maybe not.” That son went to University of Alabama at Huntsville, because that particular school has a good engineering department AND gives free tuition, room, and board to National Merit Finalists. Easy choice!
My oldest picked a college that had both a ROTC program and an Arabic program, as he managed to get a ROTC scholarship to study Arabic. Again, easy choice. My oldest daughter transferred from community college to a state university that provided scholarship money to community college transfers.
We are all about the money. It is NOT WORTH IT to emerge from college saddled with debt.
I went to college in 2009 so maybe more recently than some people commenting. My mother also did the whole “we’ll-pay-for-in-state-not-out-of-state” thing. Mostly because my state had a merits based scholarship program that you could apply to any in state Uni and she wisely did not want me to give that up – it was a substantial amount! At first, I resented her for it because I felt stifiled, my state is not known for having any particularly good schools Academics wise, and none of my other friends parents were being so dictatorial.
But I came to accept her terms and things got so much better when we took a weekend to tour many of the schools. I surprised myself by how much I liked several of the options and as others have said, one in particular just “felt” like the one. And it hadn’t been on my radar before that!
There was one scary moment where we toured this tiny, tiny private school in the middle of no-where. It was smaller than my high school and I knew I would hate it when the tour guide said that the small on campus cafeteria was the Friday night hang out spot. My jaw literally dropped at that! I was so afraid my mom would make me go because it was the only place that offered me a free ride. But when I told her I didn’t want to go there, she said ok because the deal was I could choose any school as long as it was in state. And then later she confessed she felt the exact same horror when she heard the tour guide’s comments.
I ended up loving the school I went to and have 0 regrets. It’s a big public state school more known for sports than academics but I got a great education and went on to law school. As others have said, it’s all about what you make of it. I think with my personality I could have gone just about anywhere and done well but I’m grateful now to my mother for prioritizing minimizing debt as the number one consideration. Student loans are no joke!
Wow! I can’t wait to go back and read all the comments on this post!
I have three older siblings who all stayed home and commuted to the same local private college, and I knew I did not want to do that. I wanted to live away from home, and dorm life sounded like the best thing ever.
I had a feeling that I wanted to go to a school in a city. I grew up in the New York City metropolitan area. As a teenager, the coolest places to hang out were near NYU’s campus, but I didn’t want to go to NYU because it was a) too close to home – I didn’t want to risk impromptu visits from my parents, and b) too spread out – even though I thought I’d like a city campus, NYU seemed enormous and scary to me. I wanted a large school in or near a city, but that seemed more manageable than that.
My parents and I visited tons of schools. Frankly, I saw the appeal of a very campus-ey place in a more remote location, but I didn’t think it would be my favorite. But, in case I didn’t get into my favorites, I wanted to keep options open.
I wanted desperately to go to the University of Pennsylvania. I had a friend from high school that graduated two years ahead of me that went there, so I had visited a few times and thought it was perfect. Plus, it’s an ivy, so… I applied early decision and didn’t get in. I applied to MANY other schools, too. Including ones that didn’t meet my criteria. I cast a very wide net.
Financials didn’t play into my decision at all. At the time, my father was living high and mighty and WELL ABOVE HIS MEANS. Credit card debt was very much a thing. I was the youngest of four children, and all my siblings went to private schools that my dad paid for. I felt entitled to the same treatment, and my parents never asked me to limit my selections by the price tag. Basically, money was no object. I did apply to a state school as a backup in case I didn’t get in anywhere, but that was more of an academic backup than a financial one.
I chose to go to Boston University. I was accepted right away and was offered a scholarship for half of the tuition. The school ticked all my boxes – more or less contained campus in a city, large and fairly diverse student body… It was icing on the cake to get a scholarship for which I hadn’t even applied. Secretly I was thinking that I would go for a year and then apply to transfer to Penn, but once I was there for a few months I had no intention of leaving.
As it turns out, my remaining tuition and room & board ended up being about as much as full tuition for my siblings (two of whom were on the 6-year plan!). Also, once the last kid was in college, my parents separated and I got a job that paid most of my own rent and other expenses, and that scholarship came in really handy.
My story likely won’t be a big help, nor interesting, but I’ll provide it anyway. But basically, I went to the university that provided me with the biggest scholarship. I was applying for entry in Sept 1990 – pre-internet – so any information was from pamphlets and brochures and word-of-mouth/reputation and information from school counsellors. I mostly applied to universities in my home province (I’m from Canada), so I didn’t really range far afield. (I was from a small town and moving to the big city a 12 hour drive from my parents seemed far enough, thankyouverymuch.) At that time, there were 2 choices in Vancouver: UBC & SFU. I don’t recall ever touring them before applying. They sent reps to the school in the fall to advertise their programs though, so I did speak with their recruiters. In the end, SFU gave me a way bigger scholarship and a room in residence – so I went there. It was the smaller of the 2 schools and not as well known perhaps, but later during my PhD, a professor at that big university told me that he was always impressed with the thorough training that SFU students got. So it worked out in the end. And in my field, especially if you continue to grad school, it matters literally not at all where you got your bachelors. This is probably true for many fields, so try not to stress about it too much! :) Pick a place you feel comfortable as you’ll be there for 4 years, but remember that this choice is not going to pre-determine your path in life despite the fact that when you’re 18 and making this decision, that’s exactly what it feels like.
Finances played into my choice quite a bit, but the scholarship that I was offered from UBC would have been good enough had I desperately wanted to go there. I didn’t have a strong preference, so I took the better offer. Either way I still had to get a job in the summers to pay for the upcoming year of school textbooks, rent, etc. (I only lived in residence for the first 2 years). I was lucky enough to work at a law firm during the summers and earned a TON of overtime doing my job and covering for everyone else that was on vacation, and that meant that I didn’t have to work during the school year.
I grew up in a college town and always sort of assumed I would attend that University. It probably helped that the school is very well known for a sport that is very popular in that part of the country, and though I have very little interest in sports, my father and brother do and so I grew up with a sense of allegiance to that school’s team. My brother also attended the school, a few years ahead of me and we are close. may of my high school friends including my two closest choose to attend the school as well. I did consider other options, but not very hard, I was worried about the financial aspect of going away to school, coming from a family of modest means and having several grants available to me for instate tuition (not just the larger school fees, and possible out of state tuition, but relocation and travel expenses). I was a strong enough applicant that I believe I would have had a good shot at going away to school and financing it, perhaps an even more prestigious one, had I perused that. I have wondered what my experience might have been like elsewhere, but without regretting my choice. the program in which I majored is very well regarded and I feel I received a good education. I also met the man who is now my husband while there, so all in all things worked out well. I never felt, while I was there or afterwards that I was at “the school” as in, the perfect match, nor did I feel I had made a mistake by going there. I think it likely I could have been just as happy somewhere else, but I would also say those were some of the happiest years of my life.
I will add that my school has a beautiful campus (I lived on and near campus, not at home), the sort that is featured in movies and fantasies about the ideal college experience as well as offering a very quintessential experience all around, and I think that played a role in my choosing and being happy there because while I am not a huge joiner, being in that sort of environment was very satisfying and went a long way toward giving me the feeling that I was getting all I ought to be getting out of my school experience. I guess what I am saying is that, I think that picking a school with the sort of aesthetic and atmosphere you desire has a lot to do with how satisfying you may find it.
It was assumed I’d go to school in TX or NM (I lived in TX, but could get reciprocal tuition cost at a school in NM). I thought I wanted to go to one of the big TX schools, but other than that, I knew 1) I had no idea what I wanted to major in and 2) I wanted a school with a marching band–my passion in high school. My junior year, my mom took me, my best friend, & my boyfriend on a two week tour of 7 schools in Oklahoma & Texas. I ended that tour sort of…meh. I shrugged & picked a couple of schools to apply to, but didn’t really love any of the ones we visited, even the one I had assumed would be my pick.
A week or so into the school year my senior year, my band director mentioned his alma mater, a school in Arizona. They had a great band program, it was still driving distance from home, and he thought I might like it. My parents offered to take me for a weekend visit. The second we drove onto campus I knew it was where I needed to go. Which was confirmed when we watched a marching band rehearsal. Tuition was more expensive there since it was out of state, but my parents told me they would still be able to pay for exactly 4 years of school (the original deal was they’d pay for 4, I’d pay for anything longer than that. That ended up having to change my junior year of college due to some family emergencies, but I still had way less debt than a lot of people I know). I applied there, the two TX schools (just in case), and the NM backup school (where my boyfriend decided to go), but it really wasn’t any contest.
I adored my time at the giant AZ school with the big sports and the crazy marching band. BUT, I will caveat this with: I had a built in (large) social group with the band, and even still, I was crazy homesick & lonely my freshman year. If I hadn’t had that, or something like it (theater or a small, focused degree program, or sports or something) that gave me a way to find a spot in those thousands of people, I probably wouldn’t have loved it so much.
In hindsight, I can clarify that I wanted: 1) a big, sports school 2) a big, fun marching band 3) a wide variety of academic options (since I was undecided), 4) within driving distance to home & 5) that felt like home (so I would only consider a school I’d personally visited). I think it was helpful for me to know what *kind* of college experience I wanted, as well as what I thought I would be doing with my non-academic time. With the caveat that I was (and am) a big ole learning nerd, so I knew even then that I would be able to succeed at and make the most of the academics of any of the schools I applied to.
And just to muddle things more – you might want to check out “weird” things at the schools that you are considering. For instance – UT will have campus carry starting in August (I think that is the date). It’s not something they mention in the brochures – but things like that (to some degree) exist on a lot of campuses. Less extreme examples include – making freshmen live on campus and requiring some sort of public service hours.
This was way back in 1992. I was not living with my parents while I was in high school. My brother and I were both living with different families. Not a ton of guidance for either of us (we’re a year apart in school). We both made basically straight A’s so it seemed like college was a given. But again, no guidance.
I applied to numerous schools (FL, CO, MN private, public) and was accepted to all but when push came to shove I just figured it was best to pick a school I could drive to and was probably cheaper. Yep, I applied for and received generous financial aid and student loans, but had NO CLUE at all that perhaps I could have gone to a more expensive school and received plenty of aid! Again, this no guidance thing. One night at a party in high school a really cute guy said, “You should come to this school…I go there, it’s awesome and I’ll help you if you need anything!” Um, OK said young me! And that’s where I went (and never ever called him for help.) Seems I just needed one person to say “I’ve got your back”….that’s how my decision was made.
It’s all so different now with FAFSA, the INTERNET!, and familial involvement. I imagine it’ll be so much more complicated – and better overall – when my kids head off to college.
My father was tenured faculty at a university, so I was told my whole life I had to go to that school (which never would have even made my list had it not been free) or pay for it myself. Myriad factors led me to believe option B was no option at all- general immaturity at the time (didn’t question or think outside the box, needed a lot of pushing/guidance), a college counselor who was working her last year before retirement and had no interest in students not applying to Ivies (which I was not), and also a branch of the first point, NO IDEA how to even begin navigating the scholarship/financial aid process and the understanding that even back in 1994, “paying for it myself” was not an option without huge loans. SO I went to the school I was told to, which had my major, a decent reputation, and was about 85% commuters with no campus life to really speak of. See again general immaturity and a good dose of shyness, and I really did not have a good experience. I can’t call it terrible, I liked my professors and I made a few friends, though only one that I still call a friend, and I got a good education and threw myself into studying, which is not a bad thing. But I was really lonely and unhappy overall and really felt like I was missing out on a lot. Right after the school year started, I learned the school had started participating in a reciprocal free tuition program with a number of other universities and I seriously contemplated transferring, but I had such a hard time adjusting the first time around, I couldn’t imagine starting over again somewhere else. Al these years later, I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
tl;dr- went where it was free but ddin’t necessarily want to go. Avoided all educational debt, got a good education, did not have the college experience I wish I could have had.
Mainly commenting to say how helpful this thread is. My dad was a college professor and one of the few perks of his job was that I got to go to the college he worked at tuition-free (this was in the late 80s). So my junior or senior year of HS my parents basically said “you can go to the college your dad works at for free (because my parents had saved enough money to pay for my room and board) or you can take out some insane amount of loans to go to another college” bcs they hadn’t saved money for tuition. Even at 16-17 I realized it would be nuts to take out thousands of $$ in loans when I could go for free. So I never really even looked at any other colleges. As a result I have almost no idea how to go about evaluating colleges when my kids get to that point. This thread helps!
After reading everyone else’s comments I’m adding to mine to say that although I had a fine time at the free college, looking back it wasn’t the best fit for me or a place I would have chosen if it hadn’t been free. I had friends but I graduated in 1991 and I don’t keep in touch with them and didn’t really even shortly after graduating. I picked a major at random based on a teacher I really liked and don’t have a career that has anything to do with my major. I finally found my people in law school, which I chose and paid for completely on my own. Still, I could afford to consider taking loans for law school at all because I graduated college without debt. So, I’d make the same choice again in the same circumstances, but I sometimes wonder if my college experience would have been more fulfilling and have resulting in lasting friends if I’d chosen my school instead of having one chosen by circumstances.
Straight ‘A’ student with high SAT score but not a lot of family funds. Wasn’t willing to ask my parents to go into debt or take on debt myself. So, filled out my FAFSA, applied for local scholarships (there were a lot of small $500-2000 scholarships requiring community service, merit-based, etc.) and applied to the schools that I wanted.
Received offers for a full ride to 3 universities, visited the 3 & chose to go to UNC-Chapel Hill for location (close to parents but not stop-by-unannounced closeness), loved the campus, multiple graduate colleges (was unsure what I wanted to do), reputation, and they offered me a living stipend.
I wasn’t going to reply because my search doesn’t seem applicable/helpful for Rob, but something an earlier commenter wrote has stuck with me. The earlier commenter said she’d complained to her parents that they raised their kids to scatter — this is my immediate family in a nutshell. My brothers and I went to prestigious private universities within 2-4 hours drive of our hometown, a suburb of Philly. None of us have moved back, and all of us found our college friends moving to the ends of the earth upon graduation. (Literally. One of my best friends went to Tasmania on a Fulbright, met her future husband and stayed.) In contrast, my cousins grew up near a big midwestern city, went to “the U,” and settled near the big city with a large group of family and high school and college friends after graduation. Given how I was raised, I think I would have found that lifestyle stifling in my 20s, but I’m often envious now that I’m in my late thirties with 2 kids, aging parents and nieces/nephews I rarely see.
Anyway, encourage Rob to think about the kind of post-college life he wants and how he would define success. If his definition doesn’t mesh up with what most graduates at his school end up doing, he’s going to find it hard to swim against the tide.
I grew up in Alaska and the one thing I knew is that I wanted to leave home! I applied all around the midwest, where my family is originally from, Iowa State, Macalester, University of Minnesota, Northwestern (and maybe a few more – I was applying for college in 1992, so it was a long time ago!). I had the grades/test scores to get in to all of them (and did), so it came down to location & campus vibe. Even though the U of MN is in some ways a commuter school for the entire Twin Cities metro, there is a large dorm population (and a lot of students come from out of state – WI – because of tuition reciprocity). My HS was fairly large (graduating class of over 500) and Macalester was literally smaller than my HS. Northwestern was beautiful, but so, so snobby. They turned me off immediately by announcing to my tour group that “most of you won’t get in here.” I got in. Iowa State was a great school but a small, small town (not for me). So I ended up at the U of MN. It also ended up being a good choice because I veered entirely away from the major I thought I wanted & the U of MN is large enough to offer almost any major (and at the time, you could even create your own major – I think that program is gone now). We still live in the Minneapolis area (for 2 more weeks) and the assumption was our kids would go there (or WI with tuition reciprocity), especially our older son who was on track to get a ton of college credit by the time he graduated HS (there’s a program where high-achieving HS students can attend a selection of U of MN classes completely for free, including books). Well, (plot twist!) my husband took a new job across the country & now we will be living in NC when our kids graduate from HS. So for them, the door is now wide open. We have some college savings & will add to their accounts with the proceeds from our house sale, but we will be encouraging them to go wherever they get the most financial aid. My husband went to a state school, got tons of scholarships, & graduated with his PhD and $0 in debt (of any kind). I had state loans with a low interest rate, which we paid off with my (small-ish) inheritance from my grandmother.
Gut.
Even though I went to public school all my life, my parents wanted me to go to a Jesuit college. So that right there narrowed things down. And then I knew I wanted a smaller college with a contained campus near the city. My dad lived in Philadelphia and wanted to show me St. Joseph’s University. I stepped on the campus and immediately felt “at home.” I was taken in by the old stone buildings and the beautiful tree lined street with historic homes that had been turned into dorms.
I had some great memories there and I cried when I graduated, saying, “I’m not ready! I want to stay!”
Looking back on it, I think it was the right school for me. I met my first husband there. My freshman roommate and I are still very close. I joined a sorority which I never thought I would but I loved every minute of it.
However, after visiting some state schools that my friends went to and seeing how they had, in so many ways, so much MORE than what I had at college, I thought, jeez, maybe…and I’m still paying off college loans and I’m almost 40 so there is that. But in the end, I trusted my gut and I think it was where I was meant to be at the time.
I visited the college where my aunt worked during the summer between my sophomore and junior year of high school and knew that was where I wanted to go. It was partly just the feeling of the campus, partly that I really really needed to get away from my mother for a few years and the school was two states away, partly that I knew my aunt was there in case I needed family for something. Since I knew that’s where I wanted to go, I didn’t really look around very much. I did apply to two schools near home because my parents wanted me to, and I got in, but I went where I wanted to and it worked out fine.
I had the grades to go anywhere I wanted, so the search for my kids was a very different experience. My oldest graduated in the largest high school class, nationwide, since the end of the baby boom. His grades were low average. We went to look at a few schools. He applied to three of them, really hoping to get into the one where his best friend was going. They didn’t accept him. The state school didn’t accept him. Only a tiny private school about an hour away took him, and offered him a nice scholarship. I tied myself in knots, worrying that they weren’t good enough, etc. He went, had a great experience, graduated in four years.
My next son graduated four years later, with truly hideous grades. I had learned my lesson about having options. He knew he wanted to go to college but had no interest in the process. We dragged him around to several. He applied to seven. (did you know that you can apply to most private schools without paying an application fee if you get it in early enough? For him, it was Dec. 1. So he applied to seven schools but I only had to pay one application fee) He was accepted by three. By this point I knew the small private school my oldest went to was a good deal, and I thought he’d benefit from going there. My husband went to a huge public university and insisted it was a better value. So number two went to the state school. He staggered through and is finally managing to graduate after 5 1/3 years. It was a terrible choice for a smart kid with no study skills and a lack of maturity. It ended up costing almost as much as the private school had for four years. He did get a good education, and matured tremendously, so it wasn’t all bad.
The third child had decent grades in high school and was (as girls are) much more invested in the college search process. She would have visited every college in the country given the opportunity. Because she handled much of the process herself (!!!!) I honestly don’t remember how many schools she applied to. I think maybe six or seven. Two of them wait listed her (one later let her in after all the financial aid was gone, so that was a no go). Three admitted her. By then she had a boyfriend so she didn’t want to go too far away. She chose the same small school her older brother had gone to. She wants to be a teacher and that’s one of their specialties, so it’s working out well. They offered enough financial aid to make the price comparable to the state school, and by then my husband had realized that state schools aren’t for everyone, so he shut up and let her pick.
My advice would be to visit at least half a dozen schools, more if you can. Go to a few that you don’t even think you’re interested in, just to see. Pick a big state school and a small private school and some in between. Narrow it down to the top two or three. Most schools will let you spend a day going to classes and spend a night in the dorms, have him do that. After that, he’ll likely know where he wants to go. And if he doesn’t, then you pick the one with the most financial aid.
We don’t qualify for need based aid, so I was surprised to discover that many private schools offer merit based aid even to people like child number two, who really shouldn’t have been allowed to graduate high school. He was an Eagle scout and I guess that counted for something. Don’t rule out a school just because you think it’s too expensive. See what they offer in aid, and if he really loves it and the aid is a little bit less than you need to make it work, go talk to them. The smaller schools will sometimes work with you if you let them know they’re your first choice. Good luck! And have fun. I kind of wish I had another kid to take on college visits.
I was in college 1993-97. I pretty much knew I wanted to stay in state but there are a lot of options in California. I did the general University of CA application and applied to Berkeley, Davis and San Diego. Got into all three. For some reason I didn’t apply to the CSU system. I also applied to Stanford (because my mom wanted me to and I think wanted to brag when I got in. but i didn’t get in so….) and I applied to two small liberal arts schools near LA and got into those with nice financial packages. My dad really wanted me to go to one of the liberal arts school but when it came down to it I thought I wanted a bigger school. I also knew I wanted to be farther from home so I got down to Berkeley or Davis. It was a difficult decision. My dad was anti Berkeley but it definitely has a stronger reputation so I was tempted. But ultimately after visiting both campuses I felt like Davis was the right fit as far as the community/lifestyle/amenities etc. I wasn’t too concerned about what majors were available since I was undeclared and figured I’d probably major in biology (which I did). Davis turned out to be a perfect fit since I met my husband there and now work there ;)
Unrelated to my story, as a person who works at a university I find it so interesting to see the language people choose regarding the college admission/decision process. Specifically, the use of “we” as in, “as we try to find a college for Rob” My parents definitely had strong opinions about college and it’s CERTAINLY a family decision from a financial standpoint. So I’m not sure why exactly but it always strikes me as odd when parents use “we” about college (as opposed to: “as Rob tries to decide about college”)
Oh, and our neighbor is a high school senior and he just decided on a college. He was choosing between his parents’ alma mater (a small, religious school in Washington) and a small liberal arts school in CA. He and I chatted about it one afternoon and he was going back and forth. Finances were about the same other than travel costs. He said his parents weren’t pressuring him at all and he was really torn up about it but ultimately chose the religious school in Washington. It was interesting to talk to him about his thought process. What I told him was that I was quite certain that either option would be great and he’d love it and, on the off chance he didn’t, he could always transfer. It feels like such a HUGE decision (and it is a big decision for an 18 year old) but it’s not really an irreversible one (like, say, having a child) and once you have a few decent options that you can afford and fit your educational needs, it will likely work out fine whatever you choose. College is fun!
I think there’s a big difference between “we try to find a college for Rob” and, say, “We’re interested in University of Glomphius.”
If a kid is going to do all the looking and all the paying, then sure, it’s her/his project alone. But if parents are discussing and transporting and helping to figure out finances, then it’s a “we.”
As the daughter of a professor and as someone who went to grad school and toyed with an academic career, and as someone who is married to a former professor and who has friends who teach, I’ve thought about this a lot longer and from a lot more angles than my kids have. So yes, I’m raising issues he hasn’t thought of.
I do a lot of shutting up and letting my kids make their own decisions, and ultimately, I’ll do the same with college. But it seems negligent to leave them entirely to their own devices when we don’t have to.
This is fascinating. I have to get back to work but I am going to come back and read all of these. It really strikes me as I skim through them how individual the process is. Maybe that’s an obvious statement, but there were a couple of comments that made me say “Oh!” out loud because I disagreed with them so vehemently. :) And I’m sure they would feel the same about my college choice. It’s lucky for Rob that you know him so well and are so interested in his well being, and can help him make what is a daunting and complicated decision.
Mine in a nutshell:
I went to a very small high school (graduating class of about 65) and did everything. Athletics, clubs, academics, you name it. It was fun, but by the time I was a senior (1990) I was ready to have my life be a LOT less scheduled, and I was seriously through having coaches and teachers tell me what to do with my free time. I was also ready to get out from under the magnifying glass of a small town with a parent teaching in the same school. I wanted to be lost in the crowd, just a number – all the things people say disparagingly about big colleges sounded PERFECT to me. Huge student body? Big classes? Sign me up.
I also wanted to get away from home (my mom and I were on rough ground) but I didn’t really have a good reason for my parents to pay out-of-state tuition (no clear major in mind).
My older brother went to the University of Wisconsin (Madison, the flagship campus). I visited him my junior year of HS and immediately loved it. Huge school, party atmosphere, beautiful campus, in-state tuition but 3+ hours from home. I applied to several other schools just because it seemed like my parents and guidance counselor expected me to, but I didn’t seriously consider going. (Iowa, Iowa State, Michigan, Minnesota, Texas A&M I think? Military branches also recruited me a little, which I thought was hilarious.)
I was fortunate in that my parents had made it clear (and were doing so with my brother) that they would pay tuition, books, and room and board after scholarships were applied. We didn’t qualify for financial aid. At my parents’ requirement, I had been saving half of everything I earned from summer jobs. (Aside: I remember being SHOCKED at how fast that money went. I had saved my ENTIRE LIFE and that money was gone in ONE SEMESTER. It was a huge eye opener to the cost of college. It was also the first moment I felt grateful to my parents for paying for school. Maybe I was an awful kid, or a slow learner.)
I also had good grades and test scores, so I had a first year tuition full ride and some smaller repeating scholarships. My parents paid for the rest of official costs, and I was responsible for spending money and discretionary items like clothing and phone bills. I worked part time through all of school.
My parents were also supportive of going 5 years – my brother broke that boundary for me because he was an engineering major so his course load was heavy, and my parents wanted him to be able to take some elective classes here and there. I ended up taking 5 years too, mostly because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I took the approach of signing up for 18 credits (the max) every semester, attending all for a few weeks, and dropping the course I didn’t like before the drop cutoff date. I found it a useful strategy.)
Result: I loved it. It was absolutely the right choice for me. I made lifelong friends and loved the experience. Bonus: Because I didn’t know what I wanted to study or do, I was able to try lots of different things and when I finally decided, I was able to join a well regarded program. I graduated with a degree from a nationally ranked university with a great reputation, that had lots of connections and a really good placement rate.
I picked mine, Appalachian State University (woot!), because of a few reasons.
1. I knew I didn’t want to stay in state in GA because I wanted to be far away from high school drama.
2. App State is reasonably priced even out of state.
3. I have ADD (not ADHD) and do much better with more attention and accountability. App has smaller sized classes than most schools.
4. I like to ski.
5. My parents gave me ski boots for Christmas. Obvs, they wanted me to go to App over some of the other more expensive schools I was considering.
6. When I visited, the school was so nice and laid back. People were friendly and the setting was BEAUTIFUL.
7. App was far away enough from home (5 hours from Atlanta) that I wouldn’t be tempted to run home all the time, but close enough that weekend trips weren’t a problem.
8. They offer skiing as a PE class :)
We recently found out that my step-son will be going to App in the Fall and I am just SO excited for him. It was the perfect school for me and it will be so great for him too.
I graduated from high school in 2009. I wanted to major in music; my parents wanted me to major in not-music. I applied to around 10 schools- some I wanted, some to appease my parents. I was planning on a double major in chemistry and music, so I was hoping to find somewhere with pretty-ok programs in both. My personal rule of thumb was that if the music department didn’t require an audition, I didn’t really want to go there… that’s why I knocked UVA and William and Mary off my final list. Two of my finalists were Boston University and Virginia Tech, but BU had told me when I auditioned that if I wanted to double major, it would almost guaranteed take 5 years and I was on my own if I had schedule issues, etc. Virginia Tech was GREAT about double majors, very flexible in all the departments I was in (the double major stuck around but changed from chemistry to Classics…). Plus in-state tuition meant I could take 5 years for undergrad if I ended up needing too (I didn’t), and made the 5-year-masters plan I was enrolled in a great deal.
I didn’t even want to apply to Virginia Tech, but did so to appease my father. When I went down to audition, I really liked the professor I would be working with, as well as various other aspects of the campus. I went to a giant high school (4500 students), so I knew I didn’t want to go to a small school, and even though lots of kids from my high school went there, I only very occasionally ran into them unintentionally.
I loved my big school because even though we were known for things that were not my major (engineering, architecture), there are lots of great faculty and classes in all the departments because there are the numbers to support that! Even at a big school, you’ll find places that make it feel small. I lived in the University Honors dorm all four years, and that made a huge difference- my building had 100ish people in it of varying ages and majors, so it was really easy to get to know people and not feel overwhelmed by the giant school. Both my departments also had a small-community-feel which I really liked, as well. I would encourage you to encourage Rob to look at whatever living-learning communities are offered at whatever school he decides to go to. Many have options for a wide range of interests, and especially if they are a multi-age dorm (not just a bunch of clueless freshman all lumped in together…) it’s a GREAT place to be.
My college-choosing days were late 2000, and I attended from 2001-2005, in Georgia. I was kinda blase, like Rob, mostly because I was (and am) an anxious person who was not keen on big changes. Something that played a big part in my trajectory was my mom’s experience: 30 years earlier, she dropped out of college and never returned, so if I merely mentioned the idea of a gap year, or anything unorthodox, she was there to adamantly insist that I go straight to college, go straight through, and just get a degree. She also knew me well enough to know that even though it was appealing to me to live at home and commute to a small school, it would stunt me more than I already was, so she insisted that I at least live on campus. So I toured three local campuses, and applied to one (!) because it was an hour away from home, it was small and liberal arts, and the atmosphere felt right to me. My eggs were very much in one basket, and I remember being fairly unconcerned about prestige, which is not to say my school wasn’t quality; but I think it removed some stress. In high school, I made good grades and was involved, but not to the extent that many people were, so I didn’t really stand out when applying. The other appeal was that no one else from my graduating class of ~400 was attending.
It was a private school with decent financial aid, and I was also extremely fortunate to have grandparents that put away funds for college. I had a positive experience there, and I was definitely nurtured in the right ways, made a few good friends, had excellent professors, and excelled academically. However, on hindsight, I do wish I had considered the community (small, southern town–yuck), the drawbacks to the small size of the school (with under 1000 students, by junior year, I was feeling stifled and tired of the same people), the majors offered (I probably wouldn’t have chosen anything different, but it would have been good to have more exposure), and the Greek system (Greek life was a huge thing, despite the small number of students. It was very much not for me).
I ended up majoring in English and minoring in Spanish, and since I graduated in 2005, I did immediately find work as an editor. Unfortunately, I hated it, and I got a second bachelor’s in nursing in 2015, which I wish I had done the first time, BUT there was no way I would have been able to handle such a rigorous course of study when I was in my early 20s. I got my BSN at a large, prestigious, private school because of its proximity to my home, my familiarity with the program, and the school’s philosophy. It was find, but I had very different criteria this time around. However, I completed my nursing prerequisites at a community college, which I actually loved, more than the big university. The classes were small, the professors seemed to care, and I enjoyed the environment. And that community college experience really showed me what I wish I had known in 2000: I would have been better off taking a year off not to travel, but to work and find what I would be interested in doing with my life, then living at home and going to a community college for core classes, THEN attending a bachelor’s program.
I went to college in the early 90s, so mostly flipped through the many brochures I got in the mail. I was (am!) smart, so I felt like I should aim high and picked Cornell as my reach school, the local university (University of New Hampshire) as a backup and then my guidance counselor suggested the University of North Carolina. I don’t even remember why, but I liked that it had a very good journalism school and when I visited, I loved the campus. I got waitlisted and then rejected from Cornell (which I had never even visited. It’s crazy to me now that I thought I wanted to go there). So I went to UNC and loved it. (finished in 3.5 years and got a job in journalism right away… I’ll add that to the other post!) I know it’s not your twins who are going off to college, but I’ll add this perspective as a twin. My sister and I very well could have both ended up at UNH but I’m glad we went our separate ways for college (she want to Ohio). We visited each other as often as we could and lived together when we both moved back north, but I think that time apart was good for us.