Broody and Moody

I’m here to stop myself from going back to my town’s Facebook page, where right now there is a very tiresome yet provoking argument. I’m sure that Michelle doesn’t mean to imply that the only way for people to get information is the way SHE prefers to get information (thanks for yet again replying to a question using only a link to Google, Michelle! Very neighborly of you!), and I’m sure Carol doesn’t mean to imply that the town’s page should only be used for things she personally is interested in (thanks for yet again saying you don’t understand why anyone cares about this, Carol!), but in that case why is this argument happening and why are phrases such as “you people” and “better things to do” being bandied about? And why does it happen that there are people who think it is a waste of time to chat on Facebook, but do NOT think it is a waste of time to criticize others, on Facebook, for chatting on Facebook?

I have already said my piece (despite believing that the absolute best way to handle this would have been to hit “hide conversation”), and it was well-received (more likes than Michelle and Carol are getting, and no one fighting with me about it), so now I need to stop participating while I’m ahead. It helps to remember that theoretically whatever I write can be seen by my clients and their families.

Speaking of which, I am feeling panicky and meh about my job again. I don’t know why it happened. Oh, actually, I think it’s that my schedule changed. One of my main clients decreased her hours and that eliminated a big chunk of mine. So now I’m meeting new clients again, and my schedule is irregular again, and I don’t like either of those things. Anyway, I’m back to feeling bad on work days, and feeling like it’s the wrong job for me, and needing to repeatedly list to myself the reasons why I should stick with it anyway (it’s a good answer for the “What do you do?” question; it’s a good job for immediately increasing hours/paycheck if Something Happened; I believe in the value of the work itself; I wasn’t happy when I WASN’T working, either; probably nothing else part-time and entry-level is going to be any better, and at least I’m over the new-job hurdle with this one; I DO feel good on my way HOME from a shift).

Well. It’s possible some of this is post-holiday blues. It doesn’t FEEL as if it’s connected, but one can only go so many years feeling depressed in January before one is forced to concede that it COULD be part of it. I’m very glad to have something fun planned for this weekend. I’m also glad, despite what I just said about my job, that I’m working today: how I’m feeling right now is how I used to feel a LOT of the time, and it’s one of the reasons I GOT the job, so I don’t think I can say it’s BECAUSE OF the job. And despite the dread I feel right now, I know from experience that when I’m THERE working, and when I’m on my way home, my mood will be significantly better than it is right now.

29 thoughts on “Broody and Moody

  1. Elissa

    Just want to say that you are not alone with the January blues. I have been anxious and blue since returning to work on Monday, even though I can’t really think of anything that would improve my situation. Nothing like some irrational dread and nervous stomach to start the year off right! I’m going to experiment a little bit with meditation to see if it helps.

  2. Erin

    Is it possible for you to make a transition from a schedule where you see a number of patients to where you see only one? It sounds like you work for an agency type thing. Maybe you could be hired by a family directly? Or would that not work for your desire to be part time or other aspects of your current position? Just wondering if it would be a better fit for you now that you have experience in the field. Sorry you are bummed about work though. I always find January to be bleak. After a month or more of the festive holiday feelings at work, you’re expected to just get back to the grind in the cold and gray weather minus Christmas trees.
    As for Facebook, even without seeing what you wrote, I’m pretty much 100% positive that I’d agree with whatever it is you said in response to Michelle and Carole!

  3. Jessemy

    Ugh, FB discussions just hang in my mind, especially if the tone gets negative at all. I feel your discomfort.

    1. shin ae

      I’m worried the way I said that didn’t make sense. I hope you get the gist.

      Also I really, really should have mentioned that I hope your thoughts settle into a more comfortable place sometime soon.

      1. Swistle Post author

        YES, and the “other people’s thoughts help my thoughts” is one of my favorite parts about reading blogs.

  4. Parodie

    It seems crucial to me that you only feel unhappy/anxious BEFORE work, and not during or after. That to me signals that the problem is not work per se but something lease around it: anxiety or feelings of incompetence (imposter syndrome or the like?), general post-holiday blahs, a morning routine that needs to be tweaked …? Feeling good after work is excellent! Lucky you! Hold on to that!

  5. Chris

    Facebook comments might be the death of me. People are just SO stupid, and I have a hard time not getting sucked in. I usually refrain from commenting, since I hate that FB now pops articles into the feed that my friends comment on, so I know they can see when I do it, but I will sit there and scroll and stew in the stupidity instead of just clicking away!

    Basically, I feel you.

  6. Rachel

    Man, I like you. I mean, I don’t know if we would click over appetizers, or anything, but I really appreciate how you look at things and how you communicate how you look at things because it makes my life better.

  7. Paige

    Facebook. Ugh. I feel like any post that begins with, “Now let me get this straight…” is 1. Likely to be of political nature, and 2. Will make me want to rip my hair out in frustration. I feel ya!

    1. Judith

      English isn’t my first language, so on our Facebook the standard-beginnings for likely-to-induce-sudden-hairloss posts are somewhat different. But I often have to keep myself from giving snarky or sarcastic answers, and in this case, I’d be hard-pressed not to put an „awww, looks like you got it all crooked instead“ below it.

  8. Nicole Boyhouse

    Facebook groups. OMG. I’m in some that just make me stare off into the distance and shut off my computer because THESE PEOPLE WALK AMONG US. I’m always stunned at how some people apparently want to be perceived by others, judging by the way they word things. Honestly, just a link to google? Maybe that person shouldn’t be allowed near Facebook at all.

  9. Marilyn

    Even the dour parts of January are somewhat better for me lately since you mentioned the appreciation for going through communal events with so many other people at once. Granted, the fact that so many of us are dealing with chapped lips and the constant refrain to eat less candy is not quite as fun to think about as everyone making Thanksgiving dinners, but it’s still got some “We’re All In This Together” joy.

  10. ccr in MA

    I’ve never understood how some people use Facebook–it seems like they WANT to start fights or be offended, or enjoy telling people that they’re wrong. I’m the one scrolling past, wincing, and thinking, “Can’t we all just get along?”

    It may not be good that you’re feeling the way you are before work, but I commend you for recognizing that during and after work you feel differently about it. Thinking clearly is a great skill to have.

    1. Kalendi

      Oh they do want to start fights and be offended because they feel like FB is a safe place to do this…meanwhile the rest of us are going “get over it already.”

  11. Dulcie

    I disconnected my Facebook account in a fit of extreme frustration with the wierdness of what was in my feed. I was part of a group where people were getting so angry over an issue that shooting people was being mentioned. Stressful. Also just too much time waste stuff. I meant to do that temporarily but it’s been 7 months now and I think I am a calmer happier person. I still might activate my account – maybe after the elections?
    Also – January. Such a let down after holiday fun. Dark days. Vitamin D helps my mood and energy level through January and February.

  12. Heather R

    I really think you would love Brene Brown’s books if you haven’t read them. I just discovered her a couple of months ago and it’s helping me deal with difficult people and uncomfortable feelings. Watch her TED talks and see if you like her. I feel like I want everyone to know about her. If you like her, check out her FB page because she’s doing an online class starting Monday that she only offers once a year!

    1. A.

      Oooh, thanks for this recommendation. I clicked on her TED talk and she’s amazing and warm and funny. I’m excited to learn more!

  13. Liz

    Thank you so much for letting us be your sounding board! I often feel January is a HDR month to get through. Perhaps some chocolate?

  14. Shawna

    We are fortunate to be able to get away for a week of sun every winter, and we almost always schedule it for the last week of January. January is the worst month: it’s usually the coldest, it’s the second-darkest, it lasts for a full 31 days, all the fun holiday stuff is done, and there’s no statutory holiday (for my job anyway) until Easter. Having that week away gives us something to look forward to all month, and then when we get back there’s usually a break in the cold here and there, there’s a major winter festival on here in Ottawa (Winterlude), February’s a short month, then we’re into thawing and maple syruping in March.

  15. Judith

    It’s like you’re in my head. January feels grey and heavy and like it curled up in my stomach like a stony lizard. And I’ve breached a months-long Facebook absence yesterday because I felt I should connect more to people and my friends and family, and that’s what it’s there for after all. While there I also became a member of a group that’s about the thyroid-condition that I get to live with, and that majorly sucks. Of course I immediately stepped wrong when giving advice to someone, apparently hitting someone else’s pet-causes by her completely ignoring what I actually wrote and her then writing an incensed answer to the things she thought I was insisting on. I wrote a clarifying answer, and was just now contemplating if I should go back and see if she has answered to that, or should just step away while I, as you put it, was ahead, and any SANE person could see who was the rational one.

    The thing is, I very much think that I am possibly wrong on anything I write and am not an expert, despite living with that condition for over half my life already and trying to keep up with what it’s all about. So when someone in the froth of self-righteousness descends on me and screams „Wrong, wrong, WRONG“ I start second-guessing myself and try to keep making a reasonable argument, even if the other person completely misread what I wrote and is just answering to a script in their own head. It’s exhausting and always leaves me with the wish to get as far away as possible from most of humanity. I’m very much not one of those people who thrive on arguing for argument’s sake.

    Like Chris and Nicole said: „People are just SO stupid“ and „THESE PEOPLE WALK AMONG US“.
    God, I’m tired.

    Good thing I found your post first. I think I’ll leave it be.

  16. Ms. Key

    FB group posts with arguments/controversial topics are so hard to stay out of, and so frustrating to be a part of. I belong to a few FB groups for fellow teachers, and there are SO many times I type a reply to a post and then just delete all I wrote before posting it. I often end up just sighing and deciding to stay out of it. Unless it’s a topic I just can’t let go of, lol.

  17. Jenn

    I just wanted to tell you that I have a job I LOVE, feel called to do, have done for close to 18 yrs now, could be considered an expert at, and still, STILL, have days where I do not want to go. Sometimes I have to talk myself into it. Literally dreading and dragging my way out the door.
    Until I get there- and my mind shuts up and I do what needs to be done. Then on the way home I feel happy and accomplished and I’m glad I went.
    I don’t know if it’s anxiety or what, but it happens frequently, and I just have to get out of my own way. So, I think it’s a good/better sign how you feel during/after work. Hang in there, I hope your schedule evens out again!

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