When I wrote “THERE IS TOO MUCH EVERYTHING” on Twitter the other day, my friend Firegirl astutely remarked that school must be out. And yes. I keep wanting to write more about that, but how can I when the house is LITTERED WITH CHILDREN? I will tell you frankly that when I was doing all my Planning For a Big Family, I didn’t take summers into account. I thought things like, “And by the time the third baby is born, the eldest will be in school all day, so it’s really just two children for most of the day!” or whatever, and I forgot about summer. I literally forgot.
Rob graduated from middle school! Or rather, he “completed” from middle school. There was a whole day of Completion Ceremonies. One of the worst parts, I think (I mean in addition to having a whole day of completion ceremonies), is that it seemed kind of *cough*lame*cough* to be making such a fuss over going from 8th grade to 9th. I know it’s kind of cool to finish middle school and go to high school…but…. Like, I think all this fuss will be FUN when he’s graduating high school. But. There was this big tearful Goodbye Ceremony where they could “say their final farewells to one another” (actual principal quote)—but…they will see each other in two months. In 9th grade. As they continue their regularly-scheduled school programming. We don’t live in the kind of district where kids split off into different high schools: they’re all moving together from one building to another building.
The awards ceremony went on for a million years, which was actually an hour and forty-five minutes. They gave out hundreds and hundreds of awards. SO VERY MANY self-esteem-boosting awards that any child who managed NOT to get an award would be dealt an incredible blow to their self-esteem. Backfiring: Ur doin it right.
I think they should have handed out Cutest Name awards. That was how I passed the time: going through the list of completers and picking my favorite names. I wish I could tell you all my favorites without, like, putting other people’s real names all over the internet. One of them was along the lines of Fiona Flowers, and then she was also dressed super-cute/classy in a poofy skirt and twin set and wedge sandals.
For the graduation itself, there was a limit of four guests per student, so Paul and I had to take Henry with us if we both wanted to go (because William can babysit the twins, but he can’t babysit Henry) (WE can barely babysit Henry). It was soooooo hot and crowded, and the 8th graders had to be there half an hour before it started, which meant we ALL had to be there half an hour before it started, which meant we sat in a hot and crowded middle school gym for an extra 30 minutes. It was lucky I wore a long skirt instead of one of the dresses I’d considered (knee-length), because we were sitting on the very top bleacher. Even with a long skirt, I felt like it was a good idea to cross those ankles and press those knees.
I’d been worried about Rob’s outfit: he declined my ideas of ties and jackets, but I knew from the moms in my circle that their girls were buying new, fancy dresses, so I was a little worried I should have pushed harder. But it turned out he was nicely in the middle: some boys wore full-on suits with dress shoes and ties, and some boys wore plaid shorts with polo shirts. Rob wore his $4.49 Goodwill dark grey trousers with an untucked short-sleeved button-down plaid shirt in turquoise/aqua/navy/white (Target Shaun White, if that gives you a mental picture of the look of it), and his usual black sneakers. I felt like he looked kind of dorky but in the right way: like, deliberate cool dorkiness. It helps that he’s TALL (almost six feet) and has long hair.
The girls, by the way. OMG. Way more fun outfits than the boys. But OMG. Many of them were acquiring life experience about how a short tight skirt and unfamiliar high heels are an awkward combination when your path involves stairs up to a stage and then stairs back down, in front of hundreds of people. One girl (and remember, these are FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLDS) was wearing a TIGHT, SHORT, WHITE, SATIN, HALTER dress with teetery high heels and a very fancy updo. She looked like she was ready to share her red carpet secrets with US Weekly, and here we were in the middle school gym. Approximately half the girls were wearing those dresses that are short in the front and long in the back. This has been your STYLE WATCH REPORT.
The reading of all the names was mercifully brisk. However, next year they should get someone whose skill set includes microphones.
When Rob’s name was called, I whooped and clapped, despite feeling conspicuous and embarrassed: I made myself notice beforehand that every single graduate had a small (approximately 4-person) whooping/clapping response to having their name called, and that none of those reactions seemed startling or weird or inappropriate to anyone else. But Paul! Paul DID NOTHING. He just sat there. So Rob’s cheering section was Just Me. When called on this breach, Paul said, “I didn’t know we were doing that!” Please. I’d give him a pass on the whooping, but no CLAPPING? The precedent was WELL-SET by then: (1) graduate’s name (2) small whoop/clap outburst (1) graduate’s name (2) small whoop/clap outburst. It’s a simple ABABAB pattern, PAUL.
I loved all of this. ALL OF IT. :)
I’m not to the TOO MUCH part of summer yet because child the elder is at his grandmother’s for the week and child the younger had a full-day camp and I’m working my normal (non-summer) hours. Next week he’ll be home and she has a half-day camp and it will be more summery (in all its good and bad aspects).
I remember girls in inappropriate dresses at 5th grade promotion last year. Elementary school!
I’m a bit jealous William can sit for even some of the youngers. My oldest is his age but he and his sister argue so much we don’t dare leave them alone. (Even though he’s responsible in most other areas and she’s well-behaved in most other areas.)
Congratulations on the completion! And hurray you survived it!
I had to share that at a recent college graduation, they had to park a large man at the bottom of the stairs where students existed the stage. He must have caught at least 15 young women who couldn’t handle the size of their heels on the stairs. The heels were so out of control that I started taking photos for my friend who was sick and thus not in attendance.
exited! Not existed!
Ed and I were just talking last night about how we will never be free of these graduation ceremonies. With E&C are 1 year apart so it’s one right after the other, and then H starts right as they finish. AND THEN! The bigs will be going off to middle school and high school with those cermonies as the twins are starting from scratch and OMG. IT WILL NEVER END.
Also? Your line about barely being able to watch Henry yourself? That is us with Hannah. I FEEL YOU.
Our district is like yours, the kids move as a group from Pre-k through 12th grade, from primary to elementary to middle to high. Same 140ish kids give or take a few moving in or out. But we don’t make a big deal about graduating from one building to another as they do it every 3 years. Next county over is much more populated & have several elementary & middle schools so they do have 5th grade & 8th grade graduations. They have dress codes for them. No heels over one inch for girls and ties to be worn for the boys. No mention of what is to be worn with the ties and nothing about boys wearing high heels so I expect sooner or later some 8th grade boy is going to show up wearing nothing but a tie & high heels just to make a point.
Have decided to start using the phrase “share her red carpet secrets with US Weekly” as a euphemism describing the situation in which someone wears something too small, short, and/or tight for a given situation. Hilarious!
We’ve been mercifully spared any graduation ceremonies this year, but OH, the awards ceremonies are legion. For the 2nd year in a row, I’ve had a 4th grader “completing” elementary school and moving up to middle, and for the 2nd year in a row, I’ve attended an “Academic Aloha” 4th grade night/award ceremony/dinner, which is fine, but then they have their regular end-of-the-year awards ceremony during the day at school just a few days later, which i can (mercifully) never attend b/c I am working, but for both years, that is the ceremony where my kids get the awards they are excited about- last year my kid won a trophy for getting the highest score in the whole school for something or another, and I totally didn’t attend, I thought, well if he was going to get an award, surely they would have given it at the Entire Evening of Awards we just attended. Nope.
AH! I feel your pain! Your description reminded me of my first child’s D.A.R.E “graduation” ceremony. There were slightly more than 400 students (each one paraded on stage) and speeches and presentations and OH LORD it was terrible. It was held in a college gymnasium and it was hot and stuffy. The entire family attended. We saw a friend on our way in and asked where his wife was, and he said, “Oh, that’s right, this is your first child. After you sit through one of these, you realize someone has to take the participating child but everyone else gets to stay home!”
Hahahaha, ABABAB pattern! Love it. Paul and my DH would be friends. And thanks for the visual of William. Long hair! Deliberate cool dorky is definitely the new cool.
Seriously, why was this 8th grade fashion report so interesting to me?
Best post ever!!
An instant Swistle classic! Our 8th grade graduation was two weeks ago. Made me wish I kept a small flask of whiskey in my purse.
I despise those dresses that are half short and half long. SO MUCH. Two people wore them to my brother in law’s wedding and I wanted to have them thrown out.
I laughed through this whole post.
The graduation ceremonies I can live with (even in 5th and 8th grade) it’s the award ceremonies that about killed me. EVERY. SINGLE. KID. GAH!!!!! I’m sorry that should just be cut out. Yes, I’m thrilled that Jimmie, Janie, and So-n-So were given the “Nicest Smile” award, but I really don’t need to be present for that.
As for the girls and their outfits; don’t get me started. Thank GWAD, I had a boy and never had to try to talk some pre-teen girl out of something too tight and short AND pairing it with 4 inch heels.
Swistle do you think you’d ever do a post expanding on the whole summer with multiple aged kids? For example, how did you handle naps when Henry was still taking them? Stuff like that. Did he ever resist naps because everyone was home?
I made the realization last week that my oldest and middle child will be graduating from 8th and 5th grades the same year. Ahhhh! New middle schooler and new high schooler in the same fall.
Cute, cute outfit on “Fiona Flowers”; can totally picture it and hope that is the direction of clothing choice my girls will want to wear some day. I can’t imagine how hard those battles must have been over outfits for some of the moms. Slinky dresses! High Heels!!!! I’m really not ready for the teen years :(
I searched my memory banks, but I don’t think I remember anymore! But I don’t remember any specific problems, either. For one thing, the summer days would have been similar to a weekend schedule, so the napping child would be accustomed to sleeping with a houseful of people about 1/3rd of the time already (and Paul’s the loudest one!). For another thing, when Henry was still napping, the twins were still at home (they’re only 2 years older), so he was used to napping with two other kids in the house.
What mostly comes to mind is the hassle of toting little babies around to older-kid activities. I remember when Rob and William were taking swimming lessons and I had to bring along two toddlers and an infant (into the car! out of the car and into a stroller! out of the stroller and back into the car! out of the car and into the house again! EVERY DAY, with sunscreen and sunhats and burning-hot car and aiiiieeeee) and then entertain them for the whole lesson. Arrrrrrrggggggggg.
That is true about the weekends! I guess I’m dealing more with the whole learned to escape from the crib deal coinciding with the start of summer :( But the entertaining of smaller kids while bigger kids have activities is rough! My youngest is never interested in what I bring and then tries to sidle up to anyone with an iphone. Raaah.
It gives me hope that you DON’T remember. That just goes to show that this is a passing phase and, while really frustrating, will be replaced by newer (and hopefully forgettable) frustrations!
Awesome review! We just went through this as well with the youngest. Gender made such a difference in our house! With older brother, we barely found out anything ahead of time – luckily a female friend of his filled me in a little, so that he was dressed nicely. This time, it was talked about for weeks (felt like months), the appropriate dress was researched and bought (high-low, of course), and the height of the heels was debated (sent pictures to friends for opinion). Whew! Then there was the ceremony, which wasn’t too bad, except for the interminable slide show, which included every picture that every child emailed in, along with whoops and clapping. Ugh! And mine actually stay in the same building, although some leave to bigger high schools.
*snicker*
My kids do attend a school in which after 8th grade, the approximately 35 students split into 6 schools (with the bulk of the kids attending 2-3 of those schools), so they do actually call it “graduation”. But, we don’t just get a graduation ceremony (with patio gathering afterward), we also get an awards ceremony (held during the 8th graders last day of school at noon). Why they can’t just make this one event is beyond me. Combine them, and cut down on the phony-marony awards!
Yeah, the clothes – oy! We sure weren’t so fashion-forward when we were 14! (at least I wasn’t!). And the heels – like whoah. Some of the girls looked really nice, classy and handled their wedges (by which I mean shoes, ahem) with ease. Then others? Oy, Bambi looked more stable.
Anyway, yeah, between the graduations, band concerts, open houses – we’re lucky to have a week pass w/out an evening trip to school!
My eldest also graduated middle school (I think I asked you about gifting on Twitter). And it was the same, except, not too many awards, thank goodness. Pretty much all academic, so hopefully well-earned. One thing I was extremely thankful for was they split the class into 4 different ceremonies. (The class of ~500 is divided in to 4 ‘teams’ at the beginning of the year, and they have all classes except electives with their own team members. Not sure if this is common practice or not?) Anyway, they all graduated with their own team, so we only had to sit through 125 kids instead of the whole shebang. Like we will when they graduate high school. That they’re all going to together. And no one else. They are the only feeder school for their high school. ‘So long, farewell’ it is NOT.
I love this post with all my heart.
And seriously, Paul – simple ABAB PATTERN!
(My middle school made A Big Deal out of eighth-grade graduation as well. I was in one of the choirs, and we sang “End of the Road” by Boys II Men and cried ourselves silly… even though we then ALL went on to the same high school in the fall. Weird. And yet it was Such A Big Deal and the adults ENCOURAGED it!)
My 11 year old daughter just graduated from elem. school and the whole thing lasted maybe an hour at most. The girls’ outfits were something to behold! One girl in a short dress sat in the front row Athens her legs spread far enough to know what color underwear she had on. Another had on a tight strapless number that she had her clutching her chest to keep things from spilling out as she stumbled along in her high heels. I can’t wait to see what they wear to middle school graduation!
When my niece graduated from high school they were all in caps and gowns so no interesting clothing choices. BUT. She was home schooled and so graduation was with the 30 or so other home school kids in her co-op. Thirty kids. Thirty. That thing lasted over THREE hours!! I was seriously getting punchy by the end of it. This one sang, that one danced, the other one did something or other. One girl showed off her sign language skills by signing to a song. Pretty cool, for the first verse. She signed through all six verses. When it FINALLY got to the calling of the names and giving of diplomas, I cheered. Last year my oldest graduated with 250 other classmates. Including some (actually pretty good) speeches, we were out in 90 minutes.
I love the comment about barely being able to “babysit” Henry yourselves. I can so relate with my 4 year old, Benjamin! Glad to know it’s not just me! Some of these grade school (as we call them in Canada!) graduations are ridiculous. The lengths some parents go to- to have their daughters outshine one another is hilarious! Let’s talk about living vicariously through our children! Sometimes it makes me very thankful I have boys. So much easier in the end.
Ha! Your tweet just immediately conjured an image of children hanging from you, the ceiling lighting, and the counters with the cats meowing in unison, and the phone ringing.
We just went to the niece’s graduation and I second all of what you’ve said. Why for the love of sweet baby jezus do they not hold these events outside?
Her graduation had a mixture of Hispanic and Russian names that I imagined the roll-callers practicing over and over again. I think we all kind of exclaimed when there was something simple like a Seth Johnson and groaned when it was a convoluted Evalita Rosamaria Blanco Hernandez-Flores. (all fake names, btw)
I remember 8th grade graduation and being all eye-rolly about it too. We are going to the SAME BUILDING, y’all. Also, I was one of those kids that prayed not to win an award. Straight up Judy Blume character-esque.
Notice I’m not mentioning that he’s going into high school? because in my head: he’s a toddler. :)
Doesn’t it seem that every single school event has an audience of people who are each interested in maybe three minutes of the proceedings, but forced to endure many more minutes of *yawn* other people’s children’s accomplishments? Done with all that now, but my lessons learnt were (1) sit near the exit, and (2) marry someone with a surname closer to ‘A’.
I have read that those skirts (“short in the front and long in the back”) are called mullet skirts. That in itself would put me off.
I know what you mean with the graduation/award/farewell ceremonies in eighth grade. Combined with Orchestra concerts, I think I clocked over eight hours in the gym before the year was over. By the way, the section in your post about the kid’s outfits makes me feel a lot better, because I can now imagine a battle over high heels, my fourteen year old tried to get me to let her wear a batman shirt. To the graduation ceremony. Of course, it wasn’t that big of a deal to her because she decided to take a Pre-AP course this summer to open up her schedule. I’m definitely not looking forward to my younger “graduating” from fifth grade next year.