One of the best parts of belonging to a group of friends formed around the grade-level of our children is that it’s a great way to figure out what’s going ON. For example, I’d heard from Rob that the last dance of the year was an 8th grade semi-formal. Have I heard anything about this from the school, even though this is allegedly happening next month? No. Luckily, I have the group, and some of them have kids older than 8th grade so they’ve been through this before. Unfortunately, none of those kids are boys, so I still don’t know what the boys are supposed to wear—but I know the girls are wearing dressy-but-not-prom-like dresses, so that makes me think trousers, dress shirt, and tie for the boys.
At Goodwill yesterday I bought Rob a pair of dressy trousers. They could end up being the totally wrong thing, if it turns out he needs a suit. But they were $4.49, so I figured the risk was low. One weird thing is that there’s no size/fabric tag in them—and there wasn’t in any of the other pants we looked at, either. Paul rolled his eyes at me, like DUH, of course there isn’t, they’re men’s trousers! But I’m left wondering if they’re supposed to be dry-cleaned or if I can just put them in the laundry or what.
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In our school system, children are not allowed to bring treats on their birthdays. It’s because the absolutely brand-new, certainly-not-done-for-generations-without-having-the-affects-currently-attributed-to-it tradition of eating a cupcake once or or twice a month is one of the leading causes of children being fatter than they used to be. Instead, on one day a month, all the children with birthdays that month can bring in a non-food “treat” (pencils, erasers, little party-favor-like toys) or a “healthy” snack to share.
I find this extremely irritating, but I am willing to go with it. HERE IS WHAT DRIVES ME CRAZY, though: many parents STILL send in cupcakes with their children on their birthdays. I suppose some parents didn’t read the handbook, and perhaps those same parents also don’t read the monthly newsletter which contains a monthly reminder of this policy. Others probably read those reminders but still forgot. Others think it’s a stupid rule and decide not to follow it. But MAN. Unenforced rules are one of my least favorite things. EITHER have the rule and enforce it, OR don’t have the rule. Because as things are, my own children are complaining that they don’t get to bring in cupcakes on their birthdays because their LAME MOTHER doesn’t want to break a CLEARLY-STATED rule.
At one point, when I had seen for myself that parent after parent was bringing in cupcakes (before then, I’d wondered if my children were exaggerating the number, but at kindergarten drop-off I got to see it), and when both twins were complaining to me about it at the same time, I started to compose an email to the teacher. My goal was to ask if I could send in cupcakes despite the rule. I worked on that email for a week, and could not come up with one single way to phrase that question that didn’t sound judgey, prickly, manipulative, passive-aggressive, and/or bitter. It’s surprisingly difficult to avoid a tone of “Since you’re not enforcing the rules for those other rule-breakers, does this mean I don’t have to follow the rules either?”—even if you really, really try to go for something more like “I want to make sure I’m behaving correctly in this situation.” Finally I told the twins that I was sorry but we were going to have to follow the rule even though other people weren’t following it, and fortunately they said “Awww!” and then dropped it.
I hear you on the classroom food. It is RIDICULOUS. My kids’ schools do the same thing — only they are quite strict about it, so everyone follows the rule. However, no one’s happy about it — not the kids, the parents, or the teachers, because it extends to other food-related classroom activities, such as making ice cream for a science experiment, class parties, or learning about other cultures in social studies. Very few people have a problem with making sure activities are allergy-safe, but to ban food altogether simply feels DRACONIAN. An overly harsh response to the problem of childhood obesity, a band-aid solution. I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense to get the kids moving more? My kids have gym *once* a week. Recess is daily, but it’s only about 15 minutes (and disappears altogether after fifth grade). And because the schools have to meet state and federal education standards, they don’t have time to include more playtime/exercise into the schedule. It’s so counter-intuitive that it makes my head hurt.
Men’s trousers: I dunno. But for $4.49, I’d stick ’em in the laundry, as long as they didn’t seem to be wool, or silk, or some other related delicate material.
There’s no school-wide policy at my daughter’s school, so each teacher decides for him/herself and they all decide differently, and communicate their policies with differing levels of effectiveness and enforce with differing levels of strictness/consistency so I never have any idea what’s allowed. (Can you tell this gets my goat, too?) When my son was her age (5 years ago, at the same school), everyone brought treats, but the trend seems to be sliding away from that into some undefined murkiness.
Oh, and I didn’t even mention that from 1rst grade on they have two teachers apiece (morning and afternoon) so it gets even more complicated.
At our school the unenforced rule is the one regarding no electronic devices. It drives. me. nuts.
If those trousers are silk (as mentioned by Barb up top) – I need to see a picture ;-)
My kids’ school does not ban food/treats as hand-outs but does enforce that the treats be individually wrapped. You cannot show up with a platter of cupcakes. Each needs to be wrapped separately (so the teacher does not have to touch the food). They do not however enforce their own rule that birthday/holiday treats are for grades K-3. Plenty of 4th/5th graders are still passing out treats… not cupcakes, but fruit snacks or similar. Hey, whatever, but I don’t allow my kids to do it. The rulebook says no, so I say no.
/Shrug
Since when do men’s trousers not have size/’fabric tags in them? My husband’s pants all do. I think even if they were tailor-made they would have SOME kind of tag in them. Unless they are chinos, I would dry clean them.
That school situation would drive me crazy, too. And I would follow the rule, because I am a rule-follower, and I would want to set that example for my child, even if she got cranky about it and gave the “but everyone else does it!” retort. Since this school year is almost over it’s not worth bringing up, but I wonder if there’s a way to breezily ask the teacher(s) they get next fall, preferably in person since a breezy tone is hard to convey via email. Like, “I noticed last year that lots of parents brought in birthday cupcakes even though the school policy says not to. What’s your approach to this?”
I would bring in carrot cake cupcakes! “Healthy!”
At our school, the kinder parents work around this by bringing treats at pick-up and handing them out then, giving parents the illusion of control over whether their kid gets a cupcake or not. I dare you to be the parent who says no.
Ugh, I would rather my kids eat a cupcake every few weeks than bring home EVEN MORE CRAP that will go in the junk drawer/sit on the kitchen table/end up in their closet for weeks until I finally do a clean out and throw out a ton of crap feeling like I’m filling a landfill by myself. I’m already flooded with stuff, switching birthday “treats” to things would drive me insane.
OK that’s totally off the point I was going to make, which is that oldest’s school doesn’t have a policy so it’s up to each teacher. K-3 every teacher had the rule about only once a month birthday treats for everyone with birthdays that month (and Summer kids all in June). This year, oldest’s teacher lets parents bring in treats on the day of their kid’s actual birthday and because he’s an awesome teacher, this doesn’t disrupt the class. I love his teacher right now so much for several reasons, but one is definitely that he respects the kids, they respect him, and so he can manage treats without it becoming a problem. Rather than follow the party line about childhood obesity being aggravated by birthday treats, he conducts gym for his class once a week for 45 minutes so they have two gym classes a week. So much more reasonable. I wish oldest could have this teacher forever ;-)
You guys only have gym once a week? I’m in Canada but the elementary students here have gym almost every second day plus recess. Although, they recently did a big ban in middle schools on all junk food (I think they’re only allowed one bake sale per term).
I am shocked at the comments about gym class once per week. That’s absurd, to me. As Katie said, being in Canada, our schools have gym class multiple times throughout the week (my son has it every ‘even’ day on the 6-day schedule, and they earn extra gym time on the odd days for good behaviour – Imagine that; they get rewarded with Physical Exercise for good classroom behaviour!), and two 20-minute recess breaks. I’d be pushing for more gym time, rather than cutting out a special treat for someone’s birthday. Backwards thinking, imo.
On that note, I’m lazy so I’d just follow the rule so I didn’t have to make/buy/send in cupcakes. LOL!
I bet it drives the TEACHERS insane too – my husband teaches high school, and he’s one of the few teachers than enforces rules (assigning detentions for offenses as stated in the handbook, etc) and the students are always complaining that no one else does. BAH.
For my own, my daughter has been in daycare since she was 2mo – she’s 3 now, and I ALWAYS make an effort to ask her teachers what kids are doing for birthdays, is that okay, what makes it easier for them, etc. You can tell they appreciate it.
Of course, my 3yo is already questioning things like, “Why can’t I wear my flip flops to school? Presley wears them! Cheyenne does too!” And I’m getting my broken record out of “The rule is no open toed shoes, you might get your toes squished….” and then she’s telling me “They’re not following the rules” and she’s right, but I *know* she’s telling these girls at school the same thing (she *is* 3) and I’m hoping she’s not turning into a bossy pants…. OH, and ballet class too! They state white leotard, pink tights, pink slippers, that’s all. Half her class comes in with tutus and the other skirts, and again with the why aren’t you following the rules?!
UGH.
See, this is part of what made me cranky about your earlier dilemma about a kid wanting you to pretend you were his mother even though you’re not, so he could save a buck. Unenforced “rules” make me crazy. If you don’t mean them, for Pete’s sake, don’t have them! This happened at my daughter’s school, too, but the kids all liked it when I brought blueberry muffins for her birthday (not technically cake), since EVERYBODY ELSE broke the rule against cupcakes.
We’re not supposed to send in treats either (although I learned of this AFTER I had sent Jake’s birthday cookies in September) and I kind of hate it. So much landfill garbage. Plus, I don’t know about you, but my kids each have about thirty pencils from these kinds of things. I mean, I guess it’s okay – it’s pencils – but still. I’d rather have just nothing, I guess.
The ‘non-food treat’ part makes the whole thing WORSE. If you want to ban birthday treats, then BAN THEM, don’t force people to buy junky crap. Also, only doing it once a month means you’re receiving a whole PILE of junk no one is going to fully utilize.
During preschool birthdays, people ordered in pizza and purchased mini cupcakes for the class. Parents were encouraged to attend to watch the child walk around the globe. I guess nobody had a major problem with dairy or gluten, but you could always just pack your kid his normal lunch. My second child was four years behind and now it seems nobody does gluten. She was in a public school preschool and was encouraged to bring in some sort of treat. I cant remember the rule. We took stickers.
In Kindergarten, we were encouraged to purchase a book for the classroom which was the book of the day. Brilliant!
For first – third grades, we seem to sometimes get a random piece of clutter. But less than half the kids do this.
I’m an elementary school teacher in Canada. Unfortunately, my students only have gym class once per week… but it’s because we have an overflowing school of 830 kids, and there are only so many periods in a weekly schedule to share the gym out (we already have two classes using it every period). Now, the other thing we have to do, though is 20 minutes at least of “Daily Physical Activity” on non-gym days… and, our kids get a 30 minute outdoor recess in the morning and a 40 minute outdoor recess at lunch hour, so there’s lots of time there for activity. I believe our schools are a lot smaller than some (most? all?) American public schools, just so you know why 830 kids is a way overflowing school by our standards.
We also have a strict food policy. In Ontario, we have this regulation that came out that is a Food and Beverage Policy that is very, very strict on what schools are allowed to give students in terms of food. We have only a certain number of days in the school year that are allowed to be “free” days… so, we use a couple of those for our annual Bake Sale, for a school BBQ/picnic day, and what we do is a big “Class Birthday Party” at the very end of the school year, where we can bring treats and have a huge birthday celebration for all the kids.
We just bring NOTHING for birthdays throughout the year, and then have a big fun afternoon all together. I always get my class to sing Happy Birthday to a kid on their birthday, but it really does save families and us a lot of time and energy by having a very strict policy… and the kids love the big birthday thing at the end of the year quite a bit (we go all out, have different “committees” in the classroom, and kids get to do a lot of the planning, very fun).
I actually really hate teaching with food… there are a lot of other ways to motivate kids, and they already have snack and lunch at school, we don’t need to be eating between too many meals… better they are able to eat their dinner that night. I don’t think there’s enough hours in the school day to keep having food and treats at school. Other teachers may feel differently, but I find it very easy to just leave food out of the equation! haha. Treats can be for family time, weekend desserts, etc.
Unenforced rules = the very worst! We follow the rules, but then how to convey that WE DO and OTHERS DON’T without sounding like a preachy priss? Especially critical when you know your kid is preachily conveying each word to her classmates (and perhaps their parents). We joke that my daughter’s career as a prosecutor will be quite successful.
I’m a little surprised about how little gym time some people’s kids seem to be getting. Where I live in Texas, it’s gym every second day, and a 25 minute recess for Elementary. However, one of the problems with recess is that they don’t go out if it’s raining, but they don’t let them stay in when it’s a sunny 95 degrees in late May. Then there’s the fact that fine arts got the short end of the stick, the rotation of “specials” as they call them in Elementary, being Music, PE, Art, PE. Then, all of a sudden, the new sixth graders go to having to elect to take an art class, but they can’t do that if they want Orch or Band, so it’s crazy. By the way, for anyone in Texas, your junior high student doesn’t need to take PE all three years. The counselors don’t tell you that, but it’s in the state education handbook that junior high kids only need two years of PE.