Toddler

I am so SCATTERED! My mind is ALL OVER THE PLACE. My mental to-do list is about 5 seconds: if I don’t write something down immediately, it’s GONE FOREVER.

I blame Henry. I can’t believe the changes around here. Elizabeth, observing Henry for a few minutes this morning, exclaimed, “Isn’t he a bad baby!” Er, not that I’d say so. But when a child keeps trying to climb INTO and OUT OF his high chair; when a child can open baby gates; when a child can climb out of a play yard; when a child drags chairs so he can get to high places; when a child takes flying leaps toward unsuspecting parents; when a child CLIMBS A LAMP, FOR THE LOVE OF TARGET, things are getting kind of DIFFICULT.

I don’t think any of my previous children were this, um, ADEPT, or perhaps they WERE and I just didn’t write it down before the 5 seconds were up so I’ve forgotten. We never needed doorknob protectors before. No one ever opened a baby gate without being specifically taught to do so. No one stood on the sill of the bay window and took a flying leap toward me as I sat reading on the not-so-very-nearby recliner, alerted to the situation only by the sound of an older child saying, “No, Henry, don’t jump!”

Well. So. Where was I? It’s been more than 5 seconds since I started this post, so I’m sitting here looking confused and wondering what my original intent was before I started talking about how Henry will be lucky to have all his teeth and limbs as an adult, and so will I.

Oh, yes, I remember: I DID write it down, but then forgot I’d done so. Here it is. I was going to whine about how I had to cancel a get-together with a friend today because the weather promised one thing and delivered another, so now I’m sulky and at loose ends, wondering if I should eat ALL the leftover cake or just SOME of it.

But was that really all I was going to say? I can’t remember. ….AAAAAA, don’t jump, don’t jump! *twitch twitch*

35 thoughts on “Toddler

  1. Kathy

    Sundry said it best when she said something like “Who gave toddlers the ability to MOVE before giving them the ability to REASON?”

    Yes. That!

    Reply
  2. Omaha Mama

    This sounds a lot like my little guy. He’s three now and it just keeps getting more catastrophic. My housekeeping standards have lowered, as have my expectations of behavior, etc. It is uphill, uphill, uphill. So yeah, I hear ya. Hang in there, it’s only a couple of years, right?!?!

    Reply
  3. Christina

    He sounds like a little bundle of boy! My younger cousin was the exact same way – he stayed with us about 3 weeks each summer and I’d have bruises from him leaping towards me, or slamming into my legs, running.

    What my mom did was try to use some of his energy by either playing outside, but also inside with having him help out inside. It’s amazing how tired a kid can get if you ask them to help you with something constructive (ie: “help” sweep, gather laundry, etc) and they concentrate all of their skill-level coordination on a task that seems simple to us.

    Reply
  4. Jenn Mc

    You mean this isn’t typical toddler behavior? Our first turned 2 yesterday and we’ve had doorknob covers for 6 months. He literally ran into the EYE-LEVEL (his eye-level) counter today. He will run while looking back and slam into a wall/door facing/any other object in front of him. Just typing it makes me want to take a nap.

    Reply
  5. Katie

    My son is Henry’s age (bday 6/14) and we are SO THERE with you. This morning I got out of the shower and he had dragged a dining room chair to the bathroom sink and was emptying my makeup bag into a sink full of water. He’s been climbing out of his crib since 15 months, we’ve already done stitches, and I never knew it was possible to be so exhausted and on the edge of my seat at the same time.

    Reply
  6. d e v a n

    I see you’ve met Owen. hee!

    Isn’t it amazing how their personalities are so different?! I knew I was in big trouble when I found O in the middle of the kitchen table at barely a year old.

    Reply
  7. Ami

    Ha ha. My son was like this from oh, age 16 months or so up until maybe six months ago (he’ll turn four next month), and we STILL have days where the only thing I’m able to scratch off my To Do list is “keep Gage from killing himself.” I can’t even take my attention away from him long enough to get to task #2— “buy tranquilizers.” He is an only child. He will continue to be an only child. And that’s all I have to say about that.

    Reply
  8. Pickles and Dimes

    Henry is like my godson. His older brother is a shy, quiet type who can’t be bothered to even dip his toes in the pool, but my godson is the type who will just rocket launch himself into the deep end, whether someone’s there to catch him or not.

    Reply
  9. anne

    I’m dying to know how potty training this little guy is going. My son is a little over two and we started potty training a month ago, but seem to have hit a road block. (And people say it’s because he’s still WAY TOO YOUNG! and JUST NOT READY!) So I’m curious how it’s going for you.

    Reply
  10. Swistle

    Anne- We have Epic Fail. We’re back to diapers. He was all “I want to go potty!” but then would just sit there unrolling toilet paper and pulling things off the counter and putting his hand into the toilet. Diapers, my dear friends.

    Reply
  11. Mimi

    I can totally relate. Ever since we brought the new baby home, our 19-month-old has been a total nutjob. I feel constantly on edge because this little guy is flying around the house trying to destroy everything in sight, even himself! Oy.

    Reply
  12. Hotch Potchery

    mmm. I just sent an email to my sister who is moving 900 miles in August (to where I live) offering to fly her toddler here so that he doesn’t have to ride in the car for 2 days. Maybe I should have read this post first. I believe he has many of the same Henry characteristics.

    Reply
  13. Mom et al

    If it helps, I try to tell myself when my 19 month old son jumps up and down on the couch, and of course falls and just misses bashing his head on the coffee table (as I am running to him, arms outstreched from 10 feet away, screaming NOOOOOOO!!!), that an active and curious child is a good thing. If we can all live through it.

    Oh, and of course while this scenario is passing my 3 year old daughter is pointing and yelling “Look what Dominic is doing!!!”

    Reply
  14. Firegirl

    Oh sweetie, it was bound to happen. Out of five, you were bound to win the lottery of Unruly Children some day. I wouldn’t have ever guessed Henry though. He pulled a bait & switch on you!

    And I can attest that the Olders weren’t this (crazy) active.

    You can come find refuge at my house any time. Just show up on the doorstep, don’t even need to call

    Reply
  15. Astarte

    Ha!!! Patrick was just the same way – he actually left the house three times, each time undoing yet another lock beforehand.

    I love Elizabeth’s assessment. You should record her saying that!!!

    Reply
  16. MzEll

    I…just can’t stop laughing. You poor Mama! Wednesday is a climber/jumper as well… He is as cute as the sweetest bug, I swear. hehehe….

    Reply
  17. the new girl

    I love that you have 5 kids, mostly boys and number 5 is the first time that you’ve ever needed the door-knob thingies.

    It’s AMAZING how different they are.

    The image of H doing a Spider Man from the bay window, toward you, his unsuspecting mother, almost made me spit water out my nose.

    Reply
  18. clueless but hopeful mama

    I have a friend with a climber and I never understood why she had to go to extreme lengths of babyproofing. Bolting bookcases to the wall?? Whahhhh???

    Now I get it after seeing a climber in action. Zoe was not a climber and I just keep praying that Eliza will not be a climber either.

    Oh, and my mental to-do list is about 5 seconds ALL THE TIME. If you find a cure, let me know.

    Reply
  19. Ellen

    Kirstin is speedily entering this stage and I am exhausted. Also, she loves to specifically do whatever she is not allowed because, apparently, she even likes negative attention.

    And I am pregnant and tired anyway. It may be a long summer. On the flip side, at least she is still darn cute.

    Reply
  20. sitting on the mood swing at the playground

    I’m glad to know there are other high-flying toddlers around. Yesterday I was sitting on the floor and looked up to see my son coming at me–in the air–from the area of the dresser. Sometimes I think the safest place to be is on the other side of one of those doorknob protectors.

    Reply
  21. Serial Mommy

    henry is three or there abouts, yes? yeah, i have one of THOSE..he goes by the idiom izzy or “naughty boy” if you prefer…he jumps, he runs, he climbs, he tackles, he ruins dvd’s, and dvd players, and vcr’s by trying to play them HIMSELF…we had to get a padlock and rope to lock the fridge closed because i was tired of him “helping himself”…he takes ALL of the kids school books down on a DAILY basis..he is overly terrified of animatronic animals, so i got a billy bass fish on ebay to put on the top of the school book shelf so he will run away screaming whenever it’s motion sensor detects “destructo boy” on the approach…desperate times call for desperate measures…oh, and every every every time he walks outside, in less than 2 minutes he is COVERED head to toe in dirt…when we need to go somewhere he can’t go out before an adult or older child is at the van to put him right in or it will require a 20 minute delay to get him bathed (because he’ll need one)and redressed…they always say the kids behave better at the homes of others, would you like to trade?

    Reply
  22. heather

    I have the same kid! Except his name is Alex and I’m pretty sure he broke my nose a couple months ago, and I have a bruise the size of a golf ball where my leg got in the way of his knee in mid-flight.

    Reply
  23. Anonymous

    My baby is 16 months old. He’s small, which slows him down somewhat, that is, he’s not strong enough to move a chair (yet). My favorite horrifying event so far was when he climbed over the arm of the couch, somersaulted in the air and landed in his astonished eight year old sister’s lap (she was sitting on the floor reading). Apparently, he wanted to sit with her. I was standing in the kitchen, eating a piece of gingerbread, watching him, but I must have spaced out for a minute.

    cherylc

    Reply
  24. The Amazing Trips

    If your toddler Henry joined forces with my toddler Henry, it would be the end of the world as we know it.

    I think that this “Hurricane Henry” behavior has a lot to do with the fact they have older siblings, who are multiples, that they feel the need to emulate. Or maybe not.

    Whatever the case, I need a straight jacket. Size 2T. And more wine.

    Reply

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