Swistle’s Tips For Pregnant Sleep (None Of Which Are Currently Working)

Put a vaporizer in your bedroom. I prefer the scalding-hazard (warm mist) kind over the mold-hazard (cool mist) kind, but either kind will work if it makes a gentle bubbling sound, the sound of someone taking care of you when you’re sick. Paul said last night, “Can’t we just use the sound machine?,” but I prefer the illusion that a magical sleeping mist is floating out into the room. Also, the moisture seems like it would be good for pregnancy congestion.

Do a Sudoku puzzle while lying in bed, just before turning out the light. I find they distract me from anything my mind might want to turn over and over and over and over, without being the kind of puzzle that might add to that churning mill–for example, the kind of puzzle Paul sometimes does, which can leave both of us lying awake thinking, “What the hell is a 5-letter word for ‘he ignited their hopes’?”

Turn pillow sideways from its usual orientation, then fold in half. I like to have the fold near my neck and the ends toward the top of my head, but it can also be nice to have the ends near your neck and the fold near the top of your head. This is good for pregnancy congestion and also for pregnancy heartburn.

Use lavender-vanilla “sleep” lotion from Bath & Body Works. Not lavender (too sharp), not vanilla (too sweet), but lavender-vanilla, from the aromatherapy section. Put it on your collarbone/breastbone area as if it were Vicks VapoRub, and tell yourself you’re inhaling something with magical sleep-inducing properties. Try not to lie there in the dark suddenly wondering whether this might be one of those dangerous herbal things.

If you are feeling icky in no particular way, just icky, especially if it’s “wake up in the middle of the night feeling icky,” do this: (1) pee, (2) chew two peppermint Tums, (3) drink a cup of water, (4) brush teeth, (5) pee again if you already need to, and (6) go back to bed.

If it’s on your medical provider’s approved list, take a Benadryl.

Window-shop online. I think these would make really cute birth announcements, don’t you?

Have sex. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! See? A good laugh can relax you, leaving you more ready for sleep.

Before bed, have a mug of hot milk. It sounds repulsive, but it’s yummy if you add a little vanilla and a little honey. Don’t overheat the milk or it really does get repulsive; heat it not to boiling, but just to “nice and hot.” Sip it down, then brush teeth and go right to bed.

Blog. At least you’re getting something done, since you’re not sleeping anyway. And it would be a shame to waste a quiet house.

8 thoughts on “Swistle’s Tips For Pregnant Sleep (None Of Which Are Currently Working)

  1. theflyingmum

    I find earplugs helpful – the little foam kind you twist into a golf tee shape then stuff into your ear canal. Something about depriving one sense tends to shut the rest of me down. That said, i slept a total of three unpregnant hours last night – jet lag. The final two hours were thanks to the earplugs. Yeah, I know, why didn’t I just put them in when I first laid down?!

  2. Shannon

    What can I do about the two year old that wakes me up at least once a night? Can she take the benadryl, too (kidding, kind of)?

    And the achy hips?

    What about the snoring husband?

  3. Swistle

    Shannon– The snoring husband, I have no cure for. Mine has been snoring so much the past few nights, I’ve been considering stopping the problem with a well-placed pillow.

  4. desperate housewife

    My DH snores too, and sleeps so deeply that I’m always flopping him around and adjusting his head position to try to solve the snoring, all without him even noticing it.
    Oh, and here’s my very own pregnancy sleep suggestion: If you have a tv in your room, put on a season of whatever sitcom you have seen so much that you’ve practically memorized it, then just listen to the chatter and the canned laughter with your eyes closed, all the lights off, and you will soon fall asleep just as though you were on the couch watching tv at night and accidentally falling asleep!

  5. JMH

    Since you love the Bath and Body Lavendar Vanilla scent (I do too!!) You can also try using the Downy Lavendar Vanilla fabric softener on your sheets….heavenly!

  6. Stepping Over the Junk

    I used to take showers in the middle of the night, sometimes twice, to relax me so I could go back to sleep. Also, two words…body pillow. In between legs, up and tucked under belly for support, cheek at the top of it. Like snuggling but with more support on the belly.

    I swear, there were no peppermint tums when I was pregnant. If only I had known!! Ginger helped me alot too.

    I cant believe you are nearing child #5. I do not miss pregnancy. Nor do I think I could cope with more than two! You are a saint!

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