It was comforting to hear that so many of you are also having shipping woes. I think it’s easier when everyone knows it’s happening to pretty much everyone, and this way we can all start prepping everyone that their gifts may be late. I emailed Paul’s sister and sent her the tracking number so she too can stare at it sitting twenty minutes from my house.

I went to the grocery store this morning. I’d been intending another curbside pick-up, but the curbside grocery store is still claiming not to have ground beef or chicken, and they say they have milk but last time didn’t have it when I got there, and also last time they forgot to put my freezer bags in the car so I had to drive over an hour round-trip to go back for them, and anyway I just went in person to my local grocery store instead. I do think it makes sense to use even patchy curbside in order to reduce the time spent breathing grocery store air, but on this particular day the hassle of building an online cart, putting in all the comments, driving an hour, and STILL having to go in person as well—it seemed like too much.

Still almost no regular cleaning supplies, though they DID have Clorox Clean-up spray, but I already have enough of that so didn’t buy any. Oh! That reminds me to tell you: when I went to pick up Edward’s prescription at Target, they had LYSOL SPRAY. Like, the tall linen-scented disinfecting spray cans of it, maybe ten or so cans just sitting there on the shelf like no big. I stood there, frozen, staring, stunned, and then my brain actually started saying fussily “Oh, but the caps are chipped” LIKE THAT MATTERS, and I overrode my brain and bought one. I brought it home and put it on the counter so I could gaze at it for awhile before putting it away.

Back to the grocery store. The only thing I wanted but couldn’t get was cherry jam, and that is not something that’s consistently in stock even in normal times, so I just put it back on the list for next time. Oh, and I looked for Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Roll ice cream because a friend mentioned it’s her favorite and I wanted to try it, and they didn’t have it, but this was not surprising because she’d mentioned it in the context of not having been able to find it for ages; I bought Oat of This Swirled instead: brown sugar ice cream with oatmeal cookies, OKAY!!

They had THREE kinds of holiday tea! I didn’t buy the gingerbread one because I don’t normally like things that are gingerbread-flavored, but I bought the peppermint bark and the egg nog kinds. I have low expectations, but I love having Holiday Coffee/Tea even if I don’t actually like it.

They also had Reese’s peanut butter chips, which I hadn’t been able to get in-store OR curbside/shipped from Target. And they had Grape-Nuts, which I hadn’t been able to get curbside or shipped from Target. They had the little red grapefruit fruit cups Edward likes. They had plenty of ground beef and chicken and milk. They had Cabot Pepper Jack cheese, which they haven’t had on my last two trips. Butter was on sale so I got four pounds, in case I suddenly start doing some holiday baking.

Well, I have gotten to my tipping point, where “too early to worry about Christmas” turns into “IT’S TOO LATE!! IT’S TOO LATE!!” Such a magical time of year.

I’d thought we would do our annual family photo to put in with the Christmas cards, but that went from “We need to do that pretty soon” to “Welp, too late for that now.” At first I thought I would just skip it: my feeling is that people really like to receive photos in holiday cards, because I really like to receive photos in holiday cards—but I don’t delude myself that OUR PARTICULAR family photo will make or break someone’s holiday-card-receiving experience. “In This of All Years, it is fine to skip,” I told myself. But then I thought, “…or is it In This of All Years that it’s More Important Than Ever?”

There I sat, getting a headache imagining trying to get my two college kids assembled/cooperative during daylight hours, getting the tripod set right so we’re not just a sea of underchin/nostrils, trying to get Henry to (1) look at the camera and (2) stop goofing/talking and (3) no, don’t GLARE at the camera—and I couldn’t face it. So I took a pair of Thanksgiving pictures, one that Paul took from his end of the table and one that I took from my end of the table, and I got them put together on one 4×6, and I ordered them for delivery, and they’ll be here by next Tuesday. Good enough is good enough.

I went grocery shopping in person today, to get the things we haven’t been able to get curbside. My anxiety about grocery-shopping, which had gone wayyyyy down between March and November as I got used to it, has gone back up: not to early-pandemic levels, when we didn’t know if we should be wiping down our groceries or not, but…up, as hospitals report running out of beds and as people post photos of their happy maskless Thanksgiving get-togethers. And it is frustrating to be TRYING to do curbside pick-up instead, but then to pick up the order and find a little paper informing me that they were unable to fulfill my requests for milk, meat, or bread. WHAT IS GOING ON. There are no shortages of those items right now!

Well. I will say that even after only two curbside pick-ups, I have newfound gratitude for being able to go into a store to choose things myself. The anxiety is higher, but so is the happiness. And, since curbside is giving a false feeling of scarcity by somehow not being able to acquire certain basics, finding those basics at my store (WHERE THERE IS NO SCARCITY OF THEM) gives me increased feelings of relief and happiness. My in-person trips now feel like treasure hunts where I always find the treasure.

Today, for example. The curbside grocery store claims not to have cheddar cheese in block form, in any size or brand. I go through a LOT of block cheddar cheese. So buying three nice big blocks of it at my usual grocery store was THRILLING. I came home and lovingly tucked my three bars of gold into the cheese drawer.

Curbside has had no ground beef for two trips in a row. My usual grocery store had ample ground beef in every percentage. I bought three packages and felt like I’d won a prize.

Curbside had NO WHEAT BREAD. I had checked the “any substitution is fine” box, but STILL no bread. I bought three loves (I appear to have had a Three theme going on for some reason) and felt content.

And treats! I feel more reluctant to put treats/non-necessities on the curbside list. I DO put them on there, I DO—but I put fewer than I would if I were shopping myself. It’s partly self-consciousness + unnecessary caring about what other people think, and it’s partly that it feels a little less comfortable to ask someone else to bring out a pack of Little Debbie cakes and a container of ice cream than it feels to ask them to bring out bread and milk. Whether or not it SHOULD feel that way. Anyway! Today I got flavored seltzer! And several kinds of packaged holiday cookies, including one of those “sewing supplies” tins! And a package of Pepperidge Farm Bordeaux, which are my favorites and I could not get them from curbside or from Target and thought maybe they weren’t made anymore! And a couple kinds of candy for stockings! And Christmas-themed Little Debbie cakes! And diet Coke!

Oh and! They had crushed tomatoes!! I haven’t been able to find those for over a month! I bought three cans!

And I nearly wept right there in the store as I put two large packages of frozen broccoli florets in my cart: I don’t know if I just got a bad bag or what, but my first bag from the curbside grocery store was TERRIBLE. So, so mushy and soggy, even when I tried again and microwaved another serving for much less time than usual; and many pieces had gross brown sections. Maybe it was just a bad bag! I will try again! But…in the meantime, I have two large bags of Good Familiar Reliable Broccoli.

They had Kraft macaroni, which curbside was out of and I could have gotten from Target Drive-up but I wasn’t planning a trip there soon, and it’s an Emotional Support Food for two of the kids.

They had the jarred pasta sauce we use, which curbside was out of and I couldn’t get from Target.

They had stuffing mix, which curbside said they were out of and I couldn’t get from Target. (It has to be a vegetarian one, which limits options.) Every year we eat the leftover stuffing disappointingly quickly and I wish I’d made two batches. I’ve made a note for next year—and in the meantime, where is the rule saying I can’t make stuffing as a side dish for a normal meal? NOWHERE.

And then there was The Tea Aisle. You all gave so many good tea suggestions, and some of them were not available from the places I normally get things shipped/curbside, so I was VERY EXCITED to check my grocery store to see what they’d have. I will start by saying that, sadly, they did not have any holiday teas—or if they did, I missed them in my flustered anxiety, which is fully possible because I know NORMALLY they have a cardboard display of holiday teas. Maybe I walked right past it. I might have. I really might have. Well, let’s not dwell on it. The point is that I didn’t want to LINGER but I wanted to come home with SEVERAL fun suggested teas if possible, and I DID!

I am drinking a cup of Bengal Spice right now, and I am going to try the Ceylon Orange Pekoe this afternoon when I need a little caffeine!

Now that the election is over and the current administration is nearly out the door, I am hoping to get back to normal coffee-drinking without my reflux panicking and thinking it should tell me we’re probably choking/dying. Early experiments are promising (two days in a row I have had a small mug of coffee with no serious ill effects), but in the meantime, would you like to recommend teas you like? Either caffeinated or not is fine: I started with all non-caffeinated ones (because sometimes it’s the caffeine causing reflux symptoms, not the coffee), but have gradually added in a large full daily mug of caffeinated tea and that works just fine—but I haven’t found a caffeinated tea I LIKE much, yet.

I want to clarify that I am ONLY talking about tea bags at this point: the whole world of infusers/strainers and loose-leaf tea and whatnot is charming and I love it but let’s save something to look forward to in case I can’t go back to coffee after all.

Obviously I should have gotten a Tea Advent Calendar this year but sadly I did not think of it.

My favorite teas so far:

(image from Target.com)

Bigelow Lemon Ginger. No caffeine. This is the one I most want to drink in the morning.

(image from Target.com)

Bigelow Lavender Chamomile. No caffeine. I don’t like the FLAVOR of this one as much as the Lemon Ginger, but I like the VIBE. I like drinking it and feeling as if I must be being soothed.

(image from Target.com)

Celestial Seasonings Peppermint. No caffeine. Peppermint can irritate reflux, which is counterintuitive for me: I think of peppermint Tums as the ultimate in soothing, but apparently not. But peppermint is GOOD for various esophagus stuff, which I also seem to have. So I drink this with caution. I like the flavor a lot. (I don’t like spearmint, in case that is springing to mind as another option. I do like wintergreen.)

(image from Target.com)

Tazo Wild Sweet Orange. No caffeine. This is sweet enough that it makes me nervous and I keep side-eyeing the nutritional information to make sure there is no sugar in it. It’s quite good, though sometimes I find it A Bit Much. (The children, mocking me: “Oh, this tea is TOO FLAVORFUL for me!”)

(image from Amazon.com) (I don’t buy six boxes at a time; I buy it at my grocery store)

Stash Licorice Spice. I’d read that licorice tea was good for reflux/acid stuff, and I thought, “But I detest licorice.” I tried it anyway—and either I do not detest licorice, or this does not taste the way I think licorice tastes, or both. Anyway, I like it and I’m on my second box of it.

(image from Target.com)

Celestial Seasonings Country Peach Passion. No caffeine. Pleasant. Not a complex flavor: just sort of…peach. I sometimes get tired of it before I’ve finished a mug of it, but I like it enough to keep it on hand.

I haven’t found a caffeinated tea I like enough to add it to this list, and would love to try some new options. I like Earl Grey pretty okay, and I thought Constant Comment was pretty okay (it’s like black tea combined with a little bit of spice and a little bit of the Wild Sweet Orange), and I am drinking a Vanilla Chai that is also okay but I thought I’d like it more than I do. The SOUND of it was so good. I probably won’t buy it again, unless I forget I’ve already tried it and think “Ooo, that sounds good!” (I think actually this has already happened once before.)

I have not yet found a green tea I like. I have tried jasmine, lemon, and ginger flavors. I am willing to try maybe one or two more kinds—especially since all the kinds I’ve tried have been Bigelow, so maybe it’s the brand and not the green.

I am such a mix of WEEPY OVERJOYED to have a WOMAN vice president, and SO ANGRY that this is THE VERY FIRST TIME, ONLY NOW IS IT HAPPENING FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY, OH MY GOD HOW HAS THIS BEEN TOLERABLE. I feel like the men in my life, as enthusiastic as they are about this, as glad as they are, don’t and can’t understand what this is like. The FIRST woman. This is the FIRST TIME. They have no idea what that’s like, and they can’t. I appreciate the ones who make the attempt to understand, and I don’t blame them for their failure.

My brain is so fritzy this morning. I keep attempting to use it to do other things (Christmas shopping, maybe write a baby-name post), but all I can do is scroll Twitter. I remember the Bush/Gore situation in 2000, when we waited more than a MONTH for election results—and part of it is that I wasn’t paying much attention back then, and part of it was that I had a baby and couldn’t focus on anything else anyway, but all I remember is thinking “Wow, it’s so weird we still don’t know who’s president!” There wasn’t any stress about it, just a sort of amused surprise. I double-checked with Paul, and he remembers the same: it was kind of NEAT and INTERESTING that we didn’t know who was president yet, but not STRESSFUL—and, he said, he hadn’t remembered it took over a month. (I wouldn’t have been able to say how long it took, either; I would have said “Weeks? I think?”) This time, every day feels SO LONG.

There was a shift on Twitter last night. If you’re not on Twitter: scrolling Twitter is kind of like being at a giant party, and there is definitely a MOOD to that party, and it changes. Sometimes it’s wayyyyyy too worked up and panicky and I leave almost right away; other times everyone’s sitting around quietly, drinking too much wine and being morose and commiserative; other times there’s a lot of jokes and silliness and memes of cute guys and re-watching that Tom Holland “Singing in the Rain” video; and so on.

Last night there was a sort of hepped-up joyful energy I haven’t seen in awhile, like we got a taste of REAL HOPE for the first time in years. I think it was a combination of an increased certainty of a Biden win, plus various media outlets finally, finally, finally calling out our current president’s lies AS lies, without that “Well, what TRULY IS ‘a lie’?” stuff. I wish they’d done more of that the last five years (at this point there’s more of a rats-deserting-sinking-ship feeling to it), but I’ll take what I can get, and Twitter-in-general seemed to feel the same. There was a sort of suppressed, anticipatory GLEE happening. We’re all traumatized by 2016, so no one wants to have too much faith—but on the other hand, it seems to be Really Happening. Anyway, it was a delight, and very much like going to a Really Good Party.

Perhaps we will know the results of the election TODAY! And perhaps the violent coup won’t happen after all!

I am hiding up in my room because our FURNACE decided to quit DURING AN ELECTION DURING THE WINTER DURING A PANDEMIC, and I admit I am exaggerating when I call the first week of November “winter” but I am STICKING WITH IT FOR THE INDIGNATION FACTOR, and also even if we say “autumn” it’s all pretty outrageous timing and I think we can agree on that, FURNACE.

Anyway. Strangers breathing in my house right now. It’s fine. It’s fine. I keep thinking of solutions and then realizing those don’t solve the problem. “We could all leave while they’re here and go to the….oh.”

On Election Day I was cheerful and energetic and LFG. The day after the election I was saggy and discouraged and I ate a lot of candy. Today, the day after the day after the election, I am feeling better than yesterday, and ready to count the good things (while still being kind of flattened by all the bad things). I know it’s counting chickens, and we still have a coup to avoid, and we still have a large part of the country believing in an alternative reality, and we will in the best case scenario be blocked at every step by the Republican-controlled Senate (I am not currently accepting applications for hope re: the Senate)—but I am also imagining how we can perhaps soon AT LEAST remove some of the corrupt/incompetent appointees. We can perhaps AT LEAST have someone in charge who believes in the existence of the pandemic and the need to react to it. And there’s the possible-VP-elect to think about. We can think about HER.

And there are lots more good thoughts we could be having, but even as a person who does NOT believe in The Universe as an entity that waits eagerly for me personally to say Unwisely Hopeful Words so it can rub my face in the dirt of irony, there is only so much cultural superstition a person can shake off. It is plenty bad enough that I ordered some flags IN CASE there is a reason to use my brother’s idea of Democrats displaying the U.S. flag again once it no longer symbolizes approval and support for a white nationalist administration. I wouldn’t have ordered them ahead of time, but…I wanted to have them on hand If It Became Time To Use Them, and already they won’t be here until Saturday. If I don’t need them, I will wrap them carefully and put them aside for a future election.

Oh, here is a happy thing that won’t make anyone uncomfy about taunting The Universe. I mentioned I’d read the first book of N. K. Jemisin’s Broken Earth trilogy, and I think I mentioned that when I went to order the next two, I found that the cost of ordering the whole trilogy was LESS than the cost of ordering Books 2 and 3, so I ordered the whole trilogy. (A LITTLE disheartening since I’d already BOUGHT Book 1 and could have saved even MORE money if I’d bought the trilogy to begin with—but this is a perfect example of SUNK COSTS, and the trilogy STILL cost less than buying the other two books. Plus, if I hadn’t liked Book 1, I would have wasted money if I’d bought the trilogy. LIFE IS A SERIES OF GAMBLES, WE WIN SOME WE LOSE SOME.) (And now I can add Book 1 to the pile of books I’m planning to pass on to others who might like to try them.) I ordered the trilogy on November 2nd, and I ordered it from Target because I am trying to reduce orders from Amazon—and that meant the predicted arrival was November 9th instead of November 4th. I’d HOPED the books would arrive sooner, but I couldn’t count on it. I started re-reading the first book because I didn’t feel like reading any other story—and I just got an email notification that the trilogy is arriving TODAY, days and days before it was expected! I can start reading the next book TODAY instead of NEXT WEEK!

Well! Yesterday’s energy and relief were short-lived! Today I am back to having to force myself out of bed and into the shower. I had been hoping, perhaps stupidly, for a thorough trouncing: a good symbolic rejection of this president and his corruption and his incompetence, and also a punishment for some of the most blatantly terrible congresspeople. But no. I don’t know how to pass the time as I wait for what can in THE ABSOLUTELY BEST-CASE SCENARIO, in the absolute HIGHEST ACHIEVABLE DREAM, be a tepid victory that is not followed by a violent coup.

We always went to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, until they started coming to ours. This year our households can’t quarantine enough to mix safely (Edward still has to go to his Remicade appointments, which are not just at a hospital but in a BIG CITY with a much higher infection rate than our small town; Henry still goes to orthodontist appointments; Paul has to go in to his office about once a week), so we’re on our own.

I have considered the idea of…skipping it. It’s three days of cooking for 20 minutes of eating, and I am not entirely sure I know what it celebrates or whether we should be celebrating it. At this point I think of it as a celebration of Thanksgiving Foods: the cranberry-raspberry Jell-o salad, the chocolate-crusted pumpkin cheesecake. I do enjoy being in the kitchen, making the familiar recipes, imagining so many other people in THEIR kitchens making THEIR familiar recipes. And I enjoy the leftovers. But it is a lot of work for one meal. Well, several meals, considering the leftovers.

Or, our local grocery store has a Thanksgiving package: a meal for 4-6 people, with a couple choices (turkey or ham, pumpkin or apple pie), but basically a box of pre-cooked food you pick up and heat up. I have been curious about that (can it possibly be any good?), and this might be a fun year to try it. I floated this idea to family members, who raised issues: we’d still want to make the Jell-o salad and the pumpkin cheesecake, and also we’d need to make our own vegetarian stuffing, and some of us prefer turkey and some prefer ham so we’d want to make the one that wasn’t included in the box—and at that point we’re basically cooking the meal anyway, so what is the point of the box? Except it still might be fun to try.

Another issue is that with more of us home, more of us can HELP COOK. I made this point rather pointedly when people were expressing doubts about doing the grocery pick-up box, and seemed to be thinking it didn’t save THEM any cooking so why would they prefer that?

Well. What are your Thanksgiving plans? Do you feel like talking about recipes, either ones you always make or new ones you’re going to try this year? Have you ever tried buying Thanksgiving dinner from a place where you can just pick it up in a box, and how did that turn out?

I woke up cheerful for the first time in days. I am the same about stressful travel and medical things: I can be weighed down with stress until The Morning Of, when I wake up like HERE IT IS LFG. One way or another, we are out of Weighty Anticipation Mode and into Keyed Up Go Time Mode. A local friend who is voting in person this morning posted on Facebook that there were hundreds of people in line, wrapping around the building; this in a town where I have NEVER experienced a line OUTSIDE the building. Sometimes there are a half dozen people ahead of me at the check-in table when it’s a presidential year, but that’s all.

ANYWAY. Commenter Samantha suggested today would be a good day for chatty distracting topics of the sort where people might like to keep coming back to check in, and I think that is a GREAT idea. I am MOST interested in discussing gift ideas, so I’m going to do some of those posts separated loosely into type of recipient, and then I’m also interested in Thanksgiving thoughts, so anyway let’s get going. (LFG!)

Also, even if you’re not normally interested in baby names, we’ve been doing an alphabet series on the name blog that could be distracting: we’re going backwards through the alphabet, one letter per post, and you play the game that you MUST choose a girl name and a boy name starting with that letter. We’ve done P-Z so far, and I’m planning to post on the letter O later today.

Today seems like a day to eat for Emotional Wellness, and so that is what I am doing. I had scrambled eggs and half a bagel and some Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, with a big mug of this lemon-ginger probiotic tea that may or may not work but makes me FEEL like I’m doing something nice for my digestive system, and also it tastes nice (the lavender chamomile is nice too: I don’t think it’s as yummy, but it’s more emotionally soothing because of knowing that lavender and chamomile are supposed to be soothing).

Since starting keto a few years ago and getting used to “a day off”/”a treat day” and what that looks like, I am gradually realizing that what I THINK I want to eat on my days off (CANDY, COOKIES, ICE CREAM, CAKE) is not what I ACTUALLY want to eat on my days off. I don’t know if I can ever get my brain to understand that Raisin Bran Crunch is more satisfying and delicious than a chocolate bar, and why should it? That’s patently ridiculous. It CAN’T BE that a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of potato soup are more transcendent than a box of See’s. Well, yet here we seem to be. (I do ALSO want to eat some chocolate/cookies/cake/etc. But I always want less of it than I thought I was going to want to eat.)

So here is our first topic: What foods do you find most Emotionally Satisfying? And/or which of them are you going to eat TODAY? And/or do you have a thing like I have, where you THINK you want certain foods but ACTUALLY you prefer other foods? And/or what is your favorite cereal? (Mine is Raisin Bran Crunch. SO UNEXPECTEDLY TASTY for bran and raisins.)

I have been rethinking my Election Day plans. For one thing, after burning up with energy yesterday morning, I spent the rest of the day glazed and unmotivated. Then I lay awake for three hours before finally falling asleep, and today I am feeling as if I don’t want to commit to cleaning toilets next Tuesday.

Here is what I am considering: Is Election Night one of those situations where I would rather have a sleeping pill than alcohol? I think it might be. I think that might be a sweet relief, to know that at a certain time I will take a pill and then I will GO TO SLEEP. Maybe I want to save the alcohol for when we find out the results, which could be awhile. Plus, when listing alternatives to alcohol, I kind of talked myself into the idea of reading/watching something riveting while eating lots of snacks. I bought actually and literally over 20 pounds of Halloween candy, so we should still have some of that left I guess, and I have most of a bag of mixed snack-size bags of assorted chips, and one of my favorite snacking practices is to sit next to a large bowl of mixed snacks and pick each next snack based on the whim of the moment. (I put any snack I don’t want to finish in a separate little bowl nearby, and it magically disappears somehow, and then I can move guiltlessly on to the next whim.)

AND. And. I have watched the first five episodes of Schitt’s Creek with some of the children, and I think I can talk them into binge-watching that with me, taking breaks between each episode to check in on election progress. It’s a re-watch for me up through the first few seasons (four? I don’t want to check, because I don’t want to get spoilers, but I’ve seen both versions of Simply the Best) (or I guess I should say “two versions of Simply the Best,” since there could be more), but I haven’t seen it all the way to the end; and this is a first watching for the kids. Originally I didn’t want to watch it with them because of all the embarrassing parts, but I changed my mind. We are on Season One, so I say a lot of “Yes, I am afraid this is going to continue, but let’s just power through it” and “I’m sorry, this is about to get much worse, but then we will have seen it and it will be over.” …Maybe I don’t want to associate Schitt’s Creek with the election, though. It is so hard to know. Perhaps a riveting book instead, and keeping Schitt’s Creek as something to look forward to.

But in case you were thinking of joining me for tipsy housecleaning, it seemed important to let you know I am currently leaning more toward media + snacks + sleeping pill.