Reminder! The contests end Friday morning, May 2nd, U.S.A. time. Because I can’t be more specific about the time (there are mornings when I get to my computer pretty quick, and there are mornings I have to dig myself out of a household of wet sheets and spilled cereal and children who must be bathed immediately), it would be smart to think of tonight as the deadline. Don’t dally! The minute I post on Friday morning, any comments that come in after that time won’t be entered in the contests.

(I briefly posted the Pity Prize Contest, then realized that the comments for that one were nearly guaranteed to give hints about what my name was, or wasn’t. I’ll re-post that contest sometime after the others are over.)

There is now ANOTHER prize! Dearest Elizabeth is donating an elephant onesie (that’s decorated with an elephant, not made for an elephant) from her Etsy shop Elephant Ears—and if you want something from that shop, you better get it before I do, because I’m mulling over a few things right now. Maybe one of those jingling fabric toys (I like the one in pink/yellow/green). Maybe a vintage-style baby bib (my favorite is the Alexander Henry Kleo). Oooo, or wouldn’t a coordinating fabric toy and bib make a great baby gift? I’d get it in “Michael Miller Disco Dots,” which reminds me of my boyfriend Target. I’m also kind of hankering after (or is it “hankering for“?) (or is it “have a hankering after/for”?) (or is it “not using words unless you know how to use them in a sentence”?) the vintage items like the floral juice bottle.

Oh, were we talking about something for YOU? Here’s a picture of the elephant onesie you might win:

This is the girlish one, but you could also choose a boyish or neutral one. Elizabeth has sizes from 0-3 months up to 9-12 months.

Is this some of the most fun I have ever had in my entire life? (Answer: YES.)

There is ANOTHER NEW PRIZE! Amy Quarry is donating this spectacular creature, which she made with her own two hands:

Amy has an online shop where you can buy some of her cool stuff (I like the Mod Graphic small handbag and the Little Birdy wall quilt the best), but you really have to visit her gallery for general salivating over projects past and present.

Now I am trying to figure out a way to enter my own contest, then act all suave about winning it. “My, what a coincidence!,” I’ll say. “How embarrassing!” Then I’ll flounce off with the handbag, leaving a trail of envy in my wake.

Thank you, Amy! MWAH!

Darling girl Courtney has donated another prize for the contest: your choice of one of the individually-sold handmade cards on her Etsy shop A is for Beautiful (that is such a cool name).

I am of course drawn immediately to the baby cards. This one is my favorite:

She also has cards for weddings, birthdays, holidays, encouragement, thank-yous, the whole works! Made by hand but less expensive than Hallmark! (Raise your prices a little, Courtney!)

Thank you, Courtney! MWAH!

Total sweetheart ktjrdn has donated one of her handmade personalized name doilies as one of the prizes for the Name Contest! Here’s a sample one:

You can go see more information at her Etsy shop: Crocheted by Katie. The prize will be an (unframed) doily with your choice of name, and notice there are several colors to choose from.

Katie mentions on her Etsy shop that these would make good wedding or housewarming or baby presents, and I totally concur: personalized stuff is TEH AWESOME. Thank you, Katie! MWAH!

(Also see Name Contest!)

Time for the photo contest! Look at the photos below. Guess which one is me. If you already know what I look like, you’re ineligible to participate; there will be a Pity Contest later on for you.

I have light brown hair that sometimes photographs blonder if the light catches it right, and sometimes photographs browner if it swallows all the light in the room. I’ve been known to tint it red. I can make it straight or wavy, depending on how I style it. I’ve recently had a haircut, but won’t say whether it was before or after I took the photo.

Cheaty entries (example: “either A or C”) will be discarded as too hard to score.

There is no advantage to guessing earlier/later: as long as the guess is made before the contest ends, all guesses are equal.

Thanks to everyone who donated a photo for this! (Also: K is NOT Meryl Streep.)

Edit: Thanks to Bethany, who made a WAY BETTER photo system: all the photos in one big block. Holy heck, Bethany, it is SO MUCH BETTER than what I had. THANK YOU for doing all that work!

Details: Contest deadline is Friday morning (May 2nd). I’m not sure yet what TIME Friday morning, so it would be safer to consider the deadline Thursday night.

A winner will be chosen by random drawing from correct answers. Right now I’m considering a prize of a Swistle Care Package: a copy of The Baby Name Wizard book; batch of fudge; things I find in the junk drawer.

Plus, of course there will be glory and honor among blog-readers, as we all hail your mighty guessing powers. There will be no Incredibly Awesome Prizes, unless someone is reading this who works at a huge company that would like to donate an Incredible Awesome Prize? Like a car? Or a mansion? Or a giant case of candy bars? That would be AWESOME! Just, um, send the prize to ME first, and I’ll make SURE it gets delivered to the winner!

Good luck, and you may start guessing!

(Also see: Photo contest!)

Go to the Social Security Administration’s baby name site, and go to the section called “Popular Names by Birth Year.” Type in 1973, and choose “top 500.” Then click “Go.” Everybody got it? A list of the 500 most popular names in 1973? Good! Okay, here are your extremely limited hints:

1. My name is in the top 150.
2. I have always liked it.

You can have up to five guesses. The order of your guesses matters: the higher in the list you guess the correct name, the higher your score. You don’t have to use all five guesses. If you already know my name, you’re ineligible to participate; there will be a Pity Contest later on for you.

• Partial credit will be given for being close.
• Partial credit will be given for choosing names I think “fit” me, even if they’re not correct.
• Partial credit will be given if one of your first-name guesses happens to be my middle name, which is also in the top 150.
• Partial credit will be given if you list a name my parents almost named me.
• Cheaty entries (example: “1. either Janet or Janice”) will be discarded as too hard to score.
• There is no advantage to guessing earlier/later: as long as the guess is made before the contest ends, all guesses are equal.

Details:

Contest deadline is Friday morning (May 2nd). I’m not sure yet what TIME Friday morning, so it would be safer to consider the deadline Thursday night.

Prizes will be skimpy/pitiful, and will depend on how many winners there are: as with the lottery, the more lucky people there are, the less lucky each one will be. Right now I’m considering little Swistle Care Packages: a copy of The Baby Name Wizard book; batch of fudge; things I find in the junk drawer. [Edit! See Prize Update!]

Plus, of course there will be glory and honor among blog-readers, as we all hail your mighty guessing powers. There will be no Incredibly Awesome Prizes, unless someone is reading this who works at a huge company that would like to donate an Incredible Awesome Prize? Like a car? Or a mansion? Or a giant case of candy bars? That would be AWESOME! Just, um, send the prize to ME first, and I’ll make SURE it gets delivered to the winner!

Good luck, and you may start guessing!

I think we all need to BRACE ourselves that the outcome of the contests may be Disappointing. Like when you have a book you’ve read a few times, and you have a mental picture of all the characters, and then a movie is made of it and they cast Natalie Portman, who is lovely but you were imagining someone more like Drew Barrymore. (Did she just compare herself to one or both of two thin, childless, beautiful, famous, wealthy actresses who are also younger than her? OH YES SHE DID.)

Or when a friend is pregnant and due any day, and you are DYING to know if the baby is a boy or a girl and what the name is, and you think you might just BURN UP from curiosity, and then the baby is born and you have the information and it’s sort of…flat. You love the name, the baby is great—but the impact is less than you would have expected, considering the anticipation level. It’s all over now, and now you know. (Did she just compare the excitement of finding out her name/photo to the excitement of the birth of a new human being? OH YES SHE DID.)

It might be wise for everyone to have plans for some other treat to occur on Friday, so that once the contest is over you will have a reason to go on anticipating the future with joy. Some sort of bakedy thing, or a Target trip, something like that. We should handle this like the holidays: we KNOW there will be a sinking feeling when they’re over, so we can plan for it.

Also, I hope you will go on thinking of me as Swistle even when you know what is technically my “real name.” I think of MYSELF as Swistle now.

You know how you’re like, “Tell us your real name!! Show us a picture!!” and I’m like, “No, I’m all ANONYMOUS and you may not hear my name or look upon my countenance!”

Well.

Something is coming up that is forcing me to show my hand: I’m going to be writing at a new place, and they need (1) a photo and (2) an actual name.

So I thought that since I have to do this anyway, we ought to have some CONTESTS first.

For the name, I think what we should do is this: I’ll give you some hints, like the year I was born and the approximate popularity of my name. You’ll each have up to three guesses, or maybe five guesses. Depending on how many people guess right, there will be a prize or prizes. The higher the correct name is in your list, the more Right you are. Good, yeah?

A few of you already know my first name, and you guys can’t play, which is sad but I can’t think of a way around it. You could make a list of your favorite names from that year, or a list of names you think would also fit me, or a list of names you want to call me for excluding you from the contest, or whatevs. Maybe there can be a Pity Prize.

Don’t do it now! Wait! This is just the heads-up about the contest, not the contest itself!

About the picture. We already did the quiz, and that was SO FUN but we’ve already done the answer key, so now there could be rampant cheating. It’s too bad, because that would have been PERFECT. Well, every life, rain, fall etc.

OH WAIT!! I do have an idea! I’ll post my photo along with photos of other people. You will try to pick me out of the line-up. GENIUS?? YES I THINK SO! If you have a photo you’d be willing to let me use as a decoy in the line-up, or if you have friends/relatives who wouldn’t mind having their photos used, let me know (swistle at gmail dot com). (It increases your odds of winning, because you’d be able to eliminate an option right off the bat.) It has to be my approximate coloring: I’ve got dark blond (OKAY FINE IT’S LIGHT BROWN) hair and green-brown eyes. Also, I wear glasses.

Now I need to spend some time mulling about the prizes. Fudge? Brownies? A copy of my favorite baby name book? Clean out my hair products drawer into a box?

• piece of chalk
• plastic bead
• penny
• jellybean
• pulverized crayon half
• Lego
• peanut
• bark mulch
• scrap of paper
• ladybug

Stick to high chair food, Henry