Annie writes:

Hi Swistle! Long-time reader, first time question-asker :)

My husband and I are due with our first child in late November/early December. We had names picked out for a boy and a girl two days after we found out I was pregnant – Miriam Georgianna for a girl, and Levi Eugene for a boy. The first names are ones that we both just really like, and the middle names are family honor names that are important to each of us that we use. Actually, the middle names were decided upon before we were even married. Our last name sounds like UR-lick, but starts with an E.

Early ultrasounds have shown that there’s a high probability that this little one is a boy. We know that  it’s still early and not set in stone, but our sonographer said he’d give us a 90% certainty that it’s a boy (but typically only gives it a 70% certainty at this stage). So the possibility of us having a little Levi Eugene is becoming more of a reality. When we picked the name Levi, we knew that there would be a connotation with jeans but it didn’t bother us. However, I realized a few days ago that his initials will be LEE, another brand of jeans. Also, Eugene sounds like “you-jean”….yet another jeans connection. So I guess what I’m asking is: is this name too…denim-y?  My husband isn’t bothered by it, but he has a tendency to sweep concerns under the rug when he’s got his mind set on something, only to be bothered by it later (which he fully admits). I can’t decide how I feel about it. One moment I think it’s unusable, and the next I’m laughing at myself for overthinking it.

I know it’s still really early, and we have plenty of time to decide, but I’m afraid that if it turns out that we decide the whole denim thing is too wacky for us once we get closer to our due date, we’ll end up getting really stressed out about something that should be an enjoyable process. With the last two initials being -EE, we realized right away that we’d be challenged finding a first name that didn’t result in initials that spelled something silly-sounding or just downright mean. Some outside perspective would be really helpful, especially since we’re not planning on sharing the name with family or friends until after he’s born.

Thanks so much!

Oh dear: now that I’ve seen it, I can’t un-see it! Levi eu-JEAN! The initials LEE bother me less, but along with the other two things the initials do give the whole package a sort of final-blow feeling.

It sounds to me like the decision is going to be about what is more important to you for the first baby boy: using the name Levi, or using the honor name Eugene. The way you’ve written about it makes me fairly certain the middle name wins this round. (I would take some comfort in being possibly able to use Levi for a second boy.)

I would suggest Eli instead, but I’m not sure Eli Urlick feels nice to say, and the initials EEE are so distinctive I can’t figure out if they’re a plus (cool! fun! interesting!) or a minus (EEEEEEEEEEE!!).

Liam might be nice, and the LEE and Eugene together aren’t a problem to me without the Levi.

Milo keeps coming to mind, but I’m not sure it fits with the style you’re looking for, and it may not work with Miriam. Milo Eugene Urlick; MEE. Or Miles? Miles Urlick. I think that works better with Miriam than Milo does.

Louis has some of the gentleness of Levi. Louis Urlick.

Or Leo? Leo Urlick.

Or Jacoby. Jacoby Urlick; JEE.

Well, or you may not really need suggestions at this point. Many people wait to find out the sex of the baby before starting the name search, and there is still time to look for another name you like. From us I think what is needed is a poll, for the group perspective/feedback you can’t get from friends/family. Let’s have one over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! Annie writes:

Just wanted to thank you again for posting my question about my son’s potential future name last summer. We ended up naming our little guy Levi Eugene after all, and couldn’t be happier with the name we chose. It turned out that Levi was definitely his name all along, and during his incredibly emotional naming ceremony (we’re Jewish) the week after he was born it became crystal clear that Eugene was the best middle name we could have given him. We definitely understand that his name in its entirety is kind of denim-y, but it really hasn’t come up at all – unless one of us (my husband or I) brings it up. Thank you again for your help, and to everyone who commented! It was super helpful to “hear” a variety of reactions before we named our son!

Megan writes:

I am 37, almost 38 weeks, pregnant with our second (and final) babe- a little girl. We are 90% settled on calling her Vivienne, nn: Viv or Vivie, but I am feeling nervous about which spelling we should choose. My dilemma is this…my husband, bless him, feels very strongly that we should not share our name choice or even finalists with anyone we know- a combination of not wanting to be judged, wanting to give people a surpise (since we’ve shared everything else about the pregnancy to date)  and just wanting to make sure that this is “her name” when we meet her. I am more or less on board with this plan, but it makes it hard to get feedback along the lines of…does this work? is this weird? etc. Which is why I’m coming to you and your readers…

My question is, do people generally percieve a disctinct difference between the pronouciation of Vivienne and Vivian? I prefer the first spelling, but would want to pronouce it: “VI-vee-uhn”, which I think may be more associated with the spelling Vivian? I guess what I’m wondering is, is the French spelling only associated with the French pronouciation, or can it go both ways (as I hope). I prefer the French spelling for a number of reasons: I studied and speak French, I think it’s prettier/more feminine and I feel like that spelling is potentially more versatile/recognized in other cultures. I worry though that, since she’s growing up in the US, she will spend lots of time explaining the spelling/pronouciation difference, “Yes, with an E-N-N-E, but it’s pronouced VI-vee-uhn not  vi-ve-EHN”  Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? My first name is Megan, and I frequently have to specify that it is spelled without and H or other extra vowels…and it really doesn’t bother me. Anyhow, I would love to hear what other folks think. Maybe a poll?

Thanks much!

Oh! I have wondered this TOO! I see Vivienne and I hear it in my mind “viv-vee-EN”—but I am aware that people are using both pronunciations, so if I encountered a Vivienne out and about, I’d expect it to be pronounced either like that or like Vivian (VIV-vee-en). The Baby Name Wizard’s listing for Vivienne shows both pronunciations.

So yes, I agree with you that you could use the spelling you prefer combined with the pronunciation you prefer, and that the hassle level would be comparable to your experience with the name Megan or mine with the name Kristen: not a huge deal, just something we’ve gotten accustomed to dealing with when it’s a name with more than one spelling/pronunciation. If the name Vivienne continues to increase in popularity, that will help her out as well.

Let’s have a poll, too, because I’m still interested to know how many people would think of Vivienne as being pronounced only the French way, and how many think of it like the name Madeline (i.e., aware of two possible pronunciations, as in the middle three poll options). (Sorry the poll options are so LONG! It proved challenging to put those concepts succinctly!) [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results for “The Pronunciation of Vivienne:” (508 votes total):

I would say it French and be surprised if it were like Vivian – 144 votes (28%)
I would first guess French, but wouldn’t be surprised if it were like Vivian – 163 votes (32%)
I would expect either pronunciation – 79 votes (16%)
I would first guess like Vivian, but wouldn’t be surprised if French – 87 votes (17%)
I would say it like Vivian and be surprised if French – 35 votes (7%)

Name update! Megan writes:

Many belated thanks to you and your readers for weighing in on our spelling/pronunciation conundrum…hopefully this extra cute fall photo makes up for the belated update! Born on the 4th of July, it’s hard to believe our Vivenne Leymah is 5 months old already. We decided to stick with our guns on the spelling of Vivienne, but are surprised to find ourselves pronouncing it more like the spelling (vi-vee-ehn), though usually, we just call her Vivie.

A. writes:

Hi Swistle! I’ve been reading your name blog ever since I found out I was pregnant with #2. Our baby girl is due in October and we’ve narrowed it down to 2 first names we like. So far so good, right? We’re ahead of the game.

However, the name we love is very similar to our first daughter’s name and I’m wondering if it’s *too* similar, or too close to rhyming.

Our last name rhymes with Wreath and starts with a C sound. Our daughter’s name is Tr!ll!@n M!r@ (replace ! with i and @ with a, of course).

The name we love for the new baby is Mer!d!@n. We don’t have a middle name yet, but it’ll be something Indian, to honor my side of the family. I’m not worried about finding a suitable name that “matches” with the first name – that part is easier for us.

The name we like, but not as much is Winter. Hubby and I don’t agree on many names, so the fact that we both like this one is already a big deal. But it doesn’t have the WOW factor that the other one did for us.

My question is whether Mer!d!@n is just too similar to Tr!ll!@n? They’re both 8 letters and have the same ending. But I like that they “go together” without being exactly rhyming, or the same first letter, etc. I’d love to know what the readers think?

We’re still open to other choices but want a name where we’re both thinking “WOW, that’s IT!” which is what we did with our first daughter’s name, and also feel about Mer!d!@n.

Our preferences are:
1. No question about pronunciation when you see it written
2. Nothing ending in a C, K, or X sound
3. Not on the SSN Top 1000 list, or very, very low :)

Thanks for your help!

My first reaction was that they were too close, and that the rhythm of the two names together made the problem even more noticeable: it called to mind the “Finnegan (begin again)” part of the song Michael Finnegan.

But there are tons of sibling-name sets out there that I would put in a similar category on first hearing them (too close! too far! rhyming! a sibling noticeably different from the others! oh no, a STYLE CLASH!)—and yet, with the exception of, at most, a fresh explanation each time the sibling names come up to a new audience (“Yes, Faith, Hope, and Kayla—I guess my parents didn’t want to use Charity”), it doesn’t seem like the kind of issue that will be a terrible ordeal for anyone.

Not only does it not have to be a deal-breaker, many parents do it ON PURPOSE—and many other people love it when they encounter it. While many parents with a daughter named Lily are saying, “Well, pooh: now that rules out Rose and Ivy and Violet,” many others are saying “I want to continue the floral/botanical theme—how about Rose or Ivy or Violet?” While some people will be startled at hearing siblings named Chloe and Zoe, others will be saying, “That is SO CUTE, I LOVE it!”

After looking at these examples for awhile (as well as at the twin-name section of the Social Security site: so many Jada/Jaden pairings!), and then looking back at Tr!ll!@n and Mer!d!@n, I feel like they aren’t too close at all. Yes, they share ending sounds, and saying them together may draw people’s attention to that. But that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. It seems like a tiny thing compared with finding a name that is exactly what you want.

Name update! A. writes:

Our October baby was born on Monday and is healthy, happy, and awesome.  (Newborns are so much less nervewracking the second time!)

Her name is Meridi@n Rayn@.  Thanks so much to you and your commenters for all the great input!

Cheers!

Jocelyn writes:

After perusing dozens of baby names websites, I have officially decided that yours is THE ONE source for thoughtful, genuine feedback.  I would really appreciate any help you can offer with naming my second child due this winter (boy or girl TBD!)

My name is Jocelyn and my husband’s name is Brian (last name sounds like Fable).  We currently have an adorable two year old boy named Sawyer Benjamin.  It took forever to finally agree upon a name for him, mostly because my husband kept throwing out ridiculous names, perhaps trying to make me laugh more so than trying to name our baby! When he found the name Sawyer, I immediately loved it (plus the fact that my husband actually suggested a real name). Despite constantly being asked if we watched the show Lost or if it was a family name, neither applied to us.  I just love how it is an unusual name but easy to pronounce.  Now, the work begins all over in trying to find a sibling’s name…

Girl names:  I’m open to suggestions, but have always loved the name Madeline for a girl. My husband quickly agreed on this one, so the trick would be just to find a middle name.  I don’t want it to sound too Southern (like Maddie Sue) but I do want it to flow. Possible Madeline Leigh?  The spelling of this name has also caused me some concern- should be pronounced like Madelyn, but that spelling looks too close to my name, and Madeleine suddenly looks like too many letters to me (and this was supposed to be the easy name!)

Boy names: now the fun begins.  I do like surnames, but not ones that are too common, such as Jackson.  That brings me to my surname, Reed, which I could totally live with if I could just convince my husband… Another name that caught my eye was Ryland, but it would take some getting used to and I’m wondering if it’s too close to Brian (as is Brennan, another favorite of mine).  Bennett seemed like a really nice name to me, but I just get the feeling that it has a little bit of femininity to it.  I somewhat like Hudson, but not sure if I could really get used to that one, either.  In a nutshell, we’re looking for a name just as uncommon as Sawyer but not too “out there”.  Please help!! :)

I suggest using the Madelyn spelling. I think it’s fine (nice, even) that it shares an ending with your name, and it’s the best spelling for making your pronunciation clear. We had a cat named Madeline for a few months, and it was eye-opening to me that no one at the shelter or vet’s office was ever sure how to pronounce it. I was grateful that it was a cat and so we could easily make the decision not to care or correct pronunciation—but typically, each person would ASK each time: “Let’s see, today…Madda-lynn, Madda-lyne?…is getting two shots.” “Let’s schedule the next appointment for…Madda-lynn, Madda-lyne?”

For middle names, I think a lot of names would work well: Madelyn June, Madelyn Grace, Madelyn Ruth, Madelyn Rose, Madelyn Joy. To tone down the “Maddie Sue” flavor, I’d go with something multi-syllable: Madelyn Sophia, Madelyn Elizabeth, Madelyn Julia, Madelyn Olivia, Madelyn Rebecca. It would be a good place for a name that you wanted to use for the first name, but couldn’t because of some reason that wouldn’t matter for a middle name (problem with initials, too similar to a family member’s name, didn’t go well with Sawyer, not your usual style, etc.).

I wish I could pressure your husband to accept Reed for a boy. Not only is “mother’s surname as child’s first name” one of my top favorite naming ideas, but it works out so exceptionally well in this case! Sawyer and Reed! Perfect!

If not, here are some more possibilities (I basically went treasure-hunting in the “Last Names First” section of The Baby Name Wizard):

Anderson
Archer
Davis
Easton
Everett
Flynn
Harrison
Jacoby
Jameson
Lawson
Marshall
Miller
Mitchell
Nicholson
Redford
Thompson
Turner
Wilson

Perhaps your surname could be the middle name: Wilson Reed Fable, or Anderson Reed Fable, or Everett Reed Fable.

Or you could use one of the names you liked but didn’t quite want to use in the first name slot: Archer Brennan Fable, or Lawson Bennett Fable.

Or you could match the style of Sawyer’s middle name and use something like Davis Christopher Fable or Turner Jonathan Fable.

Name update! Jocelyn writes:

Thank you again for your input.  We recently welcomed little brother Reed Wheeler to our family!  (Reed being my maiden name and Wheeler my husband’s father’s middle name- a family name going back for centuries).  Sawyer loves his new baby brother!

Rachel writes:

I’ve been a daily reader of your blog, even before pregnancy, and would be honored to receive some advice from you (and your readers)!  Ever since I asked for a baby name book for my birthday in junior high, I’ve been in love with names—but naming my own child has been trickier than I thought!

My name is Rachel and my husband is Steve and we’re expecting our first baby, a boy, August 1^st.  Our last name is Trude11e.

When we found out we’re having a boy, I knew I’d get stuck on the middle name.  My husband’s middle name is Joseph, and it has been a tradition for many generations to give Joseph as a middle name to the first-born son in the family.  However, I lost my dad when I was 19 and have hoped to use one of his names, Eric or Stewart, in the middle name spot.  My husband knows that this is important to me, and his family has even said that we can drop the Joseph tradition if we want to.  I feel bad doing this though, and wonder if I should just wait to honor my dad in a future baby’s name somehow.  Another option is giving this baby two middle names, but I am not sure how Joseph Eric, Eric Joseph, Joseph Stewart, or Stewart Joseph sound together.  I’ve even considered trying part of my maiden name (Erland), which I feel would also honor my father and my grandfather. But again, I’m just not sure about the flow (Joseph Erland isn’t really the cutest).  Or, I would feel better dropping Joseph if we used another family name from my husband’s side.  For example, my dad’s name and my father in law’s would make the middle name combo Eric Paul.  My husband has said he doesn’t really like two middle names, and I go back and forth on it.

I wish I weren’t so consumed with the middle name/tradition/honor issue because it totally takes some of the fun away from picking a first name (your advice to first-time parents about trying not to choose a middle name first is so true!).  When it comes to first names, we seem to have two different naming styles that we like: Timeless and Antique Charm. We had many girls names we liked, including Claire, Clara, Eliza, Lucy…but of course we’ll have to wait and see if we can ever use them!  Here’s what we’ve come up with for our favorites, but are still looking out for others we love.

Thomas: We like the nickname Tom, and even the alliteration of Tom Trude11e

Henry:  I went through a streak of loving Henry and the nickname Hank, but now we’re just ok with it.

August: Both of us like this name and the nickname possibilities (Augie and Gus) but we’ve received negative feedback from family (everything from it sounds “feminine” to “what if he’s born in July?”).  I’m also not sure if the blending of August with the T last name is a problem.

Miles:  Also a favorite for both of us.  I actually like Milo as a nickname, even though I know it’s a stand-alone choice.  We’re both runners and met on the cross-country team (so miles has that meaning for us too), but we’ve received some eye rolls for this.  Is that an annoying connection?

Felix:  Probably our favorite choice at the moment.  Felix is a family name (Felix Joseph was one of my husband’s ancestors) and my husband really loves it.  I like it too, even though my family members aren’t fans (they all say “like the cat??”).

Do any of these seem to flow nicely with our middle name or names?  What do you think about dropping a family tradition in order to honor someone?  I’d love any advice!

Thanks so much,

It’s so pleasing and refreshing to read how considerate both sides are being: your in-laws don’t want to force you to use their naming tradition, and you feel bad about the idea of abandoning it. It sounds like everyone is being very understanding, and that there won’t be hard feelings no matter what you decide. In some ways this makes things more difficult, because it makes me want to make everyone happy, instead of making me want to say, “Traditions are not requirements!! Everyone gets to name their own baby!!” Instead I find myself thinking, “Gosh, it would be a shame to lose that tradition…”

The solution that leaps out at me is to use your dad’s name in the first-name slot. This lets you honor him and also meet the naming tradition of your husband’s side of the family. Eric Joseph Trude11e is my top choice. It takes away some of the fun of choosing the name, since in a sense both names are chosen for you—but I think it trades a good level of satisfaction and honor and problem-solving for the fun it extracts. As a long-term investment, I think it’s a good one—and for your NEXT baby you can choose both the names and that will be even more fun to have that new experience.

I’m not sure what my second choice would be. Two middle names doesn’t quite please: it seems to diminish both honors too much. On the other hand, it does make sure you’ll get to use both. Using a different name from your husband’s side seems like the worst of both worlds: a double middle name AND not using their tradition. I’d rather use two middle names that didn’t go beautifully together, but have one of them be Joseph.

Using your dad’s name for a second boy works better than trying to bend the first-son naming tradition to use it for a second boy (the next generation would be a little stuck: would the secondborn boy use Joseph for his firstborn son, or would the not-named-Joseph firstborn pick up the tradition again for his son?), so that would argue for the Joseph-then-dad order of turn-taking—but the possibility of then not having a second boy makes me very nervous. It would help so much if we could just KNOW what selection of children we would need to find names for, so we could PLAN!

I guess that my second choice would be to gamble on having a second boy (or plan on using Erica for a daughter’s middle name), especially if you’re planning more than one additional child. It IS a gamble, but I think if you don’t want to use your dad’s name in the first-name slot for this child, it’s my favorite second-best option. (Though I could also get behind the plan to use your dad’s name as the middle name and abandon the Joseph tradition.) I might then increase the honor by giving a second son two middle names: your dad’s first and last. If Eric is your dad’s first name, then, I’d name a second son ______ Eric Erland Trude11e. (That does create a lot of possible initial-spellings, though: FEET, MEET, etc.)

If you instead choose to go with two middle names, I’d use Joseph and whichever name is your dad’s first name, and choose the order based on the sound with the first and last names. I don’t think the sound/flow matters overly much: two middle names is going to make things a bit bulky, so I’d just go for the best you can do. The middle names are likely to all but vanish after the birth announcements go out.

I think the Miles/miles connection is a nice meaning for the two of you, but something I’d keep private to avoid the pun-related eye-rolling and subsequent inevitable jokes (“What will you name your next child, ‘Kilometers’? Har har har!”).

Felix is one of my own current favorites, and I think the cartoon-cat association will fade as the name becomes more popular (and will fade for your family as soon as they see their own little Felix). Considering the cat has been out of production/style since the silent movie era, I’m a little surprised the association lingers as much as it has; it would be like having people say “Like CHAPLIN??” for every baby named Charlie. I have a stronger association with the 35-year-old TV show The Odd Couple, but neither association seems deal-breaking to me. The answer to “Oh, like the cat??” or “Oh, like Felix Unger??” is a smiling, puzzled “…No. It’s a family name.” But it seems like using a first name, middle name, AND surname from your husband’s side is getting too uneven. Perhaps the first son could be Eric Joseph, and the second could be Felix Erland.

August doesn’t seem feminine to me, though it’s less boys-only than the other names on your list: 116 girls and 705 boys in 2011, according to the Social Security Administration.

And Thomas and Henry are both good solid choices too. I really think you have a good list to choose from.

What does everyone else think they should do about the two honor names?

Name update! Rachel writes:

We appreciated all of your advice and the comments from your readers!  We finally decided on baby Trude11e’s name the day after his birthday (August 6th).  Although a big part of me really wanted to honor my dad by using his name (Eric) in the middle name slot, we decided to stick with tradition and use the middle name that my husband’s side has been using for multiple generations (Joseph).  We’ll use my dad’s name, or a variation of it, for a future child–it’s a special honor that we’ll save just for him or her. :)
Here is our little Miles Joseph Trude11e.  We like to call him “Milo,” and are in love with this little guy.  Thank you again for your help!

J. writes:

After passing the 37 week mark and having no final name chosen, I decided I better start e-mailing you for some help!

My husband and I are due with our first baby, a boy, in just over 2 weeks. Our last name sounds like Carson, but starts with an L!

We are fairly satisfied with our first name choice — Archer. Although, now I’m not sure if it’s because we are both in love with it, or if it is simply the only name that we could agree on. But, I’m willing to stick with it, unless you have a suggestion you think we might love.

Where we are really struggling is in the middle name department. This is the first grandson on my husband’s side of the family, and he would love to have the middle name be a family name, which I am totally fine with. (On my side of the family this is the 11th grandbaby!)  The trouble is, I sort of hate all of the name choices on his side of the family, as does he.

Here are some options (and reasons why I don’t think they work):

Archer Jens — (This is probably our current top pick. It’s my husband’s middle name, but I just don’t like it.  I also hate the idea that the baby could be called A.J. as I have a bad connotation with that name.)

Archer Marlan — (My husband’s late grandfather’s name.  Again, just don’t care for the name)

Archer Wayne — (My husband’s father’s name.  I feel it really doesn’t go with the “style” of the first name.)

So, after scouring family records and coming up with nothing, I suggested that we look into Danish names, since that is my husband’s heritage.  This way we could at least incorporate some history, or family “meaning” into the middle name, which is really important to him.

I researched a bit and suggested Archer Dane.  I really like this name, however my husband despises (as do I) Dane Cook and is afraid he’s ruined that name. I sort of agree, but the more I say Archer Dane and write Archer Dane, the more it grows on me.

I would love to hear if you have any middle name suggestions that are Danish that perhaps I haven’t come across, or maybe a whole new name combo that we could fall in love with. Thanks in advance!!

It does sometimes happen that we’d really, really like to use an honor name, but it just won’t work. Sometimes it’s best to finally say, “Well, this was our ideal, but it’s not working, and the only things that kind of work are too big a stretch to be worth it. Let’s get some Danish artwork for the nursery instead.”

Other times, it’s a matter of accepting the compromise that comes with using an honor name, which is that we often don’t like the name as much as one we’d have chosen from the baby name book. The people we’d like to honor have already been named, and sometimes we don’t like those names at all—but that’s part of the deal.

For our first son, we used an honor middle name that I actively disliked and is a different style than his first name, because it was more important to me to honor the family member. For our second son, Paul wanted to use his grandfather’s name as the middle name, and I agreed even though I didn’t really like the name. (We have also come down on the opposite side and decided it was more important to choose a name we liked than to use an honor name.) With time, I find I no longer dislike the names—and I still feel happy and satisfied that we used them. And happily, our second son’s middle name came into style, so now I actively like that one! We don’t see the middle names very often anyway, and it’s a common place for people to have unfashionable names.

I think it can increase the struggle if you’re trying to find meaning just for the sake of meaning. If you don’t care particularly which family member you’re honoring but are just looking for a name that means anything familyish, it’s harder to gather up the affection and motivation necessary to help you choose a name that isn’t a favorite. It might help if your husband thinks of which family member he would like to honor for that person’s own sake, and then see if that name is usable. Even if you actively dislike the name, there will be such a good reason behind using it—and with time, you’re likely to like it more.

My fingers are itching to get my hands on your family tree so I can take a look for more options! Husband’s mother’s maiden name, husband’s other grandfather, husband’s grandmothers’ maiden names, husband’s uncles, husband’s brothers, husband’s great-uncles, first ancestor to come to the United States, name of Danish town they came from?

Archer Jens is the one that stands out to me as the best pick: Jens sounds Danish, it enhances the sound of Archer and of the whole name, and it has direct and obvious family meaning. You don’t love it, but I think that falls within the reasonable sacrifice that comes with it being very important to your husband to use a family name, and with you being willing to go along with that preference: the odds of a beloved family member coincidentally having a name we love are slim. Unless your families have already shown a tendency to call a child by his or her initials, I doubt anyone would call him A.J.; if they did, you could shudder a little and say, “Oh, we’d really rather not call him that—I have such a bad association with an A.J.!”

Archer Wayne is my second choice. I don’t think the style of the middle name needs to coordinate with the style of the first name, and also again I think this is within the expectations for using an honor name: the people we want to honor are typically of a different generation than the child (and named by parents who likely had a different naming style than our own), so their names will generally not be of a coordinated style. I think Archer Wayne has a good sound (even a bit of a superhero/crime-fighter sound, I think, probably because of Bruce Wayne), and a grandfather’s name is such a nice choice for an honor name: the grandfather tends to get a bit choked over it, and that’s pleasing for everyone. (As I thought repeatedly of the name while writing it, I found it grew on me more and more, and now it may be tied for me with Archer Jens.)

Archer Marlan Carson is my least favorite: the three repetitions of the “ar” sound feels like too much.

Let’s have a poll over to the right to see everyone else’s favorite. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! J. writes:

SO, six months after the fact, I am finally getting back to normal and my brain finally remembered that I needed to e-mail you!  Our sweet baby boy is here.  He was born June 25 and weighed a whopping 9lb. 10 oz. We ended up choosing the name Archer Jens. Honestly, my feelings towards Jens didn’t really change, but naming him after his father became more important. And now, I sort of love it. It fits him perfectly, and he is such an amazing little love.  Thanks to everyone for all of the advice/input.  It was SO appreciated!

Thanks!

Ellie writes:

I am Elinor always known as Ellie. My husband is Thomas always known by his full name. Our daughter is Constance Leah always known as Connie. Her middle name is never used. My husband’s surname which our daughter has, as will the new baby, is Richardson.

We are expecting baby number two due in July and don’t know whether it is a boy or girl, and would love your help and your readers’ suggestions.

Girls first…

I don’t mind the names going together particularly, but there are problems with my two favourite girls names. The first is Annabel nn Annie. But Annie and Connie are perhaps too similar (especially as I am Ellie). The second is Clemency but I really think children should have their own first initial so am wary of having two Cs (which also rules out E names and T names).

Constance is a honour name for my grandmother who passed away, but I also love the sound of Connie.

The other girls names I love are Vivienne and Catherine (that C problem again). I like Susannah also nn Annie but as well as the Connie/Annie/Ellie problem I want to avoid too many Ss in case she has a lisp as I did as a child when saying Susannah would have been my worst nightmare (worse at the beginning of words than the middle).

We quite like Lucy but don’t love it.

And I like Anna (nn Annie). (I like Hannah too but can’t use it as it is a close friend’s baby).

I like Frances but there is the singer Connie Francis.

We want a Jewish/old testament middle name if the first name is not Jewish as we are a mixed faith household.

Boys…

If our daughter had been a boy she would have been Leo David. Still like David as a middle name (I like it as a first name but my husband doesn’t and he doesn’t like nn Dave). I’ve gone off Leo though.

I love the name Joseph/Joe but can’t use it as have a close relative with the name.

I like Frank but husband says no. Other names husband says no to that I like are Adam and Toby. Edward is nice (nn Bear) but the initial thing comes up again. I love more leftfield names like Valentine and Horatio but husband says a very definite no.

We both like Jonathan but Jonny and Connie not good!!

I quite like Harry.

We like Robin and Rowan, both more common for boys than girls in the UK where we live. Also that initial thing again. And they aren’t very masculine.

Neither of us like surnames as first names.

Please help us. To recap, no Es, Ts or Cs, nothing rhyming with Connie, no surnames as first names, and a short Jewish middle name if possible. Or are we just asking too much?

Thank you!

I think Connie and Annie are fine together. I too would probably first try to find a name with a more different nickname, but if I couldn’t find one I’d go ahead and use an Annie one. Constance and Annabel are plenty different enough, so it’s only the nicknames that are a little matchy.

If you like Clemency, I wonder if you’d like Verity. Constance and Verity. The main trouble is a lack of a good nickname. “Very”? No. But if a nickname isn’t a requirement, I think Connie and Verity works well.

Would you be willing to spell Catherine with a K? That would solve the initial problem. Connie and Katie is sweet.

Or Vivienne seems to handle everything well: different initial, and Connie and Vivi doesn’t seem too close.

If Lucy isn’t quite right, you could use Lucienne: similar to Vivienne, but with Lucy as the nickname.

The name Frances makes me think of Alice. Or Francesca might be far enough away from the Connie Francis association.

I’d rule out Rachel as a middle name, to avoid seeming to refer to the Bible story of sisters Leah and Rachel. Rebecca would be pretty, or Ruth, or Sarah, or Miriam, or Naomi, or Esther. Or you could use Hannah, if that wouldn’t bother your friend in the middle name slot. I like Ruth with pretty much everything, and Ruth is a very nice biblical character: Annabel Ruth, Katherine Ruth, Vivienne Ruth, Lucienne Ruth.

If you love Joe but can’t use it, I wonder if you’d like Sam. Samuel Richardson sounds wonderful to me, and Connie and Sammy is sweet.

If you like Rowan but would prefer not to alliterate, I wonder if you’d like Owen or Nolan.

I think Edward is great, or Edmund would be nice. We have all different kid-initials in our family, but I don’t include the parent names, just the sibling names. (We’re usually M and D for Mommy and Daddy anyway.) If you were going to drop a preference or two to make the selection process easier, that is probably the one I’d start with.

Jonathan makes me think of Benjamin. Connie and Benny is about the same similarity as Connie and Annie; Connie and Ben works great if you don’t think you’d use Benny.

I’ve been trying to push the name George recently. George David Richardson is so nice, and Connie and Georgie works well.

I also like Frederick. Frederick David Richardson; Connie and Freddie.

Name update! Ellie writes:

Just to say the only reason we didn’t update you after this post is we had a boy, and used Leo David after all. Thank you again.