Normally in terms of possessions my brain is set up like that meme where someone says that as soon as they try to diet their body says, Don’t you worry lassie: in this time of famine we’ll work overtime to keep ye plump as a partridge! …One sentence in and I feel I’ve lost the sense of what I’m saying. What I’m trying to say is that normally my brain is inclined to hoarding, no matter the circumstances. I look at my clothes, and I think “I will never wear that again,” and then immediately I think “WHAT IF PAUL DIES OR DIVORCES YOU AND YOU ARE SUPPORTING YOURSELF ON MINIMUM WAGE WITH NO BENEFITS!! THEN YOU’LL SURE BE GLAD TO HAVE THAT T-SHIRT WITH BLEACH STAINS AND THAT ILL-FITTING BUSINESS CASUAL BLOUSE AND THAT SWEATER THAT DOESN’T FLATTER YOU BUT WILL KEEP YOU WARM WHEN YOU CAN’T AFFORD HEAT!!” Clothes I don’t like and never wear are an INVESTMENT in my DISMAL IMAGINED FUTURE!
Recently I had a rare attack of the opposite: I read something by someone who was required by actual-rather-than-imagined dismal future to abruptly downsize; and then one of my older coworkers moved from a family home to an age-in-place single-person apartment; and then Nicole (HI NICOLE!!) posted the Mary Oliver poem about calling the trash man to take away the contents of the storage unit and feeling like the little donkey when its burden is finally lifted; and I bagged up three kitchen-trashcan-sized bag of shoes, shirts, and sweaters I don’t wear and/or don’t like. I find it particularly difficult to get rid of things I’d THOUGHT I would LOVE but then DIDN’T, and things I USED TO LOVE but no longer do. I have to tell myself that I am not getting any better returns on my investment by housing those items indefinitely and rent-free. I also find it useful to imagine someone else incredulously discovering them at Goodwill: “ROCKETDOG SHOES?? IN MY SIZE??? IN TWICE-WORN CONDITION?? WHAT IS GOING ON?? DID I WIN THE ATTENTION OF A BENEVOLENT DEITY???”
I can’t update about the work situation yet, because there is nothing new. I am continuing to lie awake full of potential scripts for potential situations, which is highly unpleasant. I am continuing to think of new options for other jobs, which is good, and your comments full of options have been very useful and good.
I am starting to shop for Christmas, and I am trying to make it be about Getting a Jump on Things, rather than being about Oh God What Is This Upcoming Shopping Season Going To Be Like???
Funny, I often think of two things that I long ago read on your blog when I’m struggling to let go of things. One I’m paraphasing is “I’m not wasting it by getting rid of it, I’m wasting it by letting it sit unused in my house.” The other one is “Does it bless or does it oppress?” These two thoughts have served me very well!
I have really gotten into posting stuff on the FB buy nothing group for my area. I worry that Goodwill won’t keep pieces together or might break something or whatever. Now I give it to people who want it, will use it, and appreciate it for free. Plus i got a flute once and old corningware dishes (I try not to raise my hand for stuff but couldn’t resist on those). My clothes still go to Goodwill though, and random stuff not worth posting. Also, it is a great way to get rid of random food that is about to expire but we won’t eat, or my kid used to love it, I stocked up on sale, and now he hates it. Or the gross pack of something you get in a variety pack, but the rest of the flavors you like. Yay buy nothing!
Yes! I’ve been using the local Buy Nothing page for a couple of years and love it. As a bonus, you get a little added drama and insights into…how other people think. I’ll leave it at that and second your YAY!
HI SWISTLE!!!
I went through a period of actual mourning when I cleaned out my closet of all the LBDs that I had loved so much. I was like “but I wore this to three weddings and to a fancy dinner in 2010!” “But this is what I wore to Mark’s grade nine graduation!” “But I wore this to Rob’s corporate Christmas party in 2017!” Etcetera. I had to REALLLLLLLY work through that. It helped to try them on, because I had felt so beautiful in all of them and then when I tried them on I…did not feel so beautiful. So, like you, I imagined someone else finding it and loving it.
OH! try it on to reveal the reality is a very good tip!
I have used that several times for some expensive things I was hanging onto. Look in the mirror and it’s “Oh no. This is not good at all.” Byeee!
I laughed out loud in self-recognition when I read “an INVESTMENT in my DISMAL IMAGINED FUTURE!” I wish my imagination time was better spent. You’r three bags full are an inspiration!
Nicole definitely had me thinking long and hard about finally going through my closet, and now THIS feels like an additional push in that direction. Yes, I loved the cream blouse I wore to work 13 years ago but it doesn’t fit and hasn’t fit for years and maybe it is time to let it go. Maybe the seven sets of high heels I can no longer wear should go to someone else’s feet. Maybe the tiny Superman onesie I bought in the early 2010s because I was sure I would have a boy could actually go to a family who has a baby boy. MAYBE.
Favorite bit: “Clothes I don’t like and never wear are an INVESTMENT in my DISMAL IMAGINED FUTURE!”
When I was getting ready for my last big move, I did have to talk myself through letting go of a lot of things. I often would mutter to myself, “Sunk cost fallacy” when my brain wanted to be all, “But that was so expensive!” or “But I loved it when I bought it!” It did help, once I made myself let go, that often the people who took stuff through the local buy-nothing groups I used were delighted to have the things. I have to remember that.
In fact, now that I’ve been here a few years (cough seven cough), I really need to do some looking around and letting go. It’s hard, but yes, the space it takes up can be free for things I currently want and need and use and love, not the visions from the past. I don’t need the skirt I made in a class 40ish years ago (which I just blogged about yesterday, go figure) to remind me of where I was then. Let it go.
This is definitely my wake up call that it’s once again time to go through my closet and do a giant purge. I don’t usually hold on to things in case of my dismal future (which funnily enough, seems to be right now) but I do hold on to them for some unknown reason. Which, I guess in all my free time, I should examine the why of that…
I started my one and only serious diet in January 2020. When we were all sent home in March I thought “I’m going to keep going and people are going to be wowed when they see me again!” Well, by the end of the year I’d lost 40 pounds and all kinds of clothes I thought I would never wear fit again… and NO ONE SAW ME BECAUSE WE WERE ALL STILL ISOLATING! That is when I finally got discouraged and by the time we all emerged again I had gained a big chunk of it back and now I’ve gained it all back but I still catch myself thinking “I can get rid of that! I might love and wear it again just like I did in 2020!” But really… what are the odds?
Oh I loved the first paragraph! So me!!
Man, you’re a fabulous writer.
My husband is *extremely unsentimentally minimalist* and I sometimes protest. But you just bought that! But maybe I want that! But I want the imaginary life in which we use that! I am NOT particularly minimalist, but I love that vacation feeling of loving everything I see around me, and I find myself praying our parents decide to read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning soon enough to save me from their hoards. So I minimize what I don’t love where I can.
Christmas. Uffda. Can we do a post on the cheapest possible but still genuinely wonderful gifts we can buy, craft, or DIY if we start now? It is not going to be an abundant year for us.
Last year’s hit Christmas gift was that I sweet-talked the furniture store’s delivery guy into bringing me a dozen couch boxes, which my kids (7, 5, and 2) taped into a fort on the driveway and colored all over til they got rained on.
This was excellent. In February I had the opportunity to donate clothes to an inaugural Trans Closet event. I am ladies’ big and tall sized, with feet to match. I got such a happy feeling that maybe my size would be helpful to someone who needed a new work wardrobe and was daunted by the challenge. I’ve started a container for next year, and instead of being upset that clearance items I bought online didn’t work out, I can think about someone finding NWT items that will at least help them see how some brands run and maybe even be just the thing. They also take donations towards new underwear and chest binders. Niche thrift is my new favorite thing!
I need to purge my closet as well. I played flute and piccolo in school. They had been sitting for years. I donated them both to a high school
with a lot of low income households. I have not played in years I would rather a kid make use of them.