Tonight I’m going with friends to an early-access showing of the latest Downton Abbey movie. I’m looking forward to it, and also I am glad they are saying this is the last one. I loved the show, but the movies have been…sub-par. And now without the Dowager Countess!
I had a confrontation at work with my supervisor, who has been driving me/us crazy. I am not really sure how it went: in high stress, my memory doesn’t record well. I took half an hour to cool down, and then went directly to my boss’s boss. I DID NOT WANT TO. But I thought, my supervisor IS going to go to her about this, and then I WILL be called in to talk to her, and this way I get in there first, and without the “called to the principal’s office” vibe. That meeting went well, though of course I frustration/stress-cried. But my boss’s boss is good at managing such things, and is a calm and calming person.
Now we will see what happens next. I am ready to quit if I need to, but I would rather not. I would rather that instead my boss’s boss rein in my boss, and make her stop driving me/us crazy. Ideally, managers are supposed to listen to employees telling them about the things making their jobs harder, and find ways to reduce/eliminate those hurdles; this supervisor is more interested in winning an argument that the hurdle doesn’t actually exist, and then adding more hurdles as punishment for complaining.
Also, she seems to THRIVE on emergencies, so she has no incentive to prevent them. The confrontation was about me finally getting BEYOND sick of having a preventable emergency every single Monday morning, despite numerous requests for changes to the situation; my supervisor instead DECREASED staffing during that time, and then made cracks about how we sure didn’t need two people doing one job. My boss’s boss agreed with me that there was no reason to be having such an emergency, and she listened to my suggestions and made a few of her own; she then talked with a couple other people the situation affects and got their input, and together we came up with a plan. The next step is for her to go over it with my supervisor. This is where I’m afraid things may go amiss. My supervisor has an inexplicable way of convincing bosses that the staff is being a bunch of babies and that everything is actually fine, and/or that the problem was a temporary anomaly and there’s no reason to change anything.
Furthermore, my supervisor has a pattern of agreeing to a plan but not implementing it. Or implementing it but not reinforcing it, or implementing it but after awhile forgetting why we implemented it and changing it back. (That’s what happened with the staffing: she put a second person on shift with me because of the constant emergencies, and then moved that person elsewhere saying they were a duplicate and we didn’t need them.) And so another reason I am glad I went to my boss’s boss is that now I have a separate person involved in the changes, someone I can go back to and say “Remember the plan we agreed to? [Supervisor] is changing it.” I don’t want to be Little Miss Tattletale, but it has been years of this and I am about to pull a “people don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses,” so I don’t have much left to lose. I have loved this job better than any job I’ve ever had, and my supervisor is acting as if it’s her personal mission to change that.
Oof sounds stressful. I just cannot imagine being the kind of boss/person who isn’t trying to make things function better. But as you say, some people thrive in chaos. Seems like you took a most reasonable approach to deal with it! I started my own company and sometimes it’s scary / stressful/ overwhelming but even in those hard times I always appreciate not having to deal with a difficult boss or annoying politics.
I’m so glad you went to the higher boss preemptively! Hard but wise.
As I read this, I kept hoping your higher boss could somehow stumble across your blog to get an additional peek into how things are!
Hope it resolves well…please let us know.
That sounds very stressful but I am so glad that you are sticking up for yourself! I really hope everything gets sorted and the job goes back to being your favourite.
That sounds awful. I am sorry. I hope it resolves.
And also? WELL DONE, YOU! Good job. If you have to go for the nuclear option (quitting) at least you know it’s not because you didn’t try. I hope it does not come to that but I also live in this world and watch things go sideways and upside down that ABSOLUTELY DID NOT HAVE TO WTF ARE YOU DOING WORLD?
I had to do some deep breathing here, Swistle. People who make their own drama are so frustrating to be around, but to work for them? Ugh. I hope that your input, and the input from other people, will be enough to override the supervisor’s claims. What a bummer of a situation to be in.
On another note, I do want to hear how the movie is! I realize I never saw the second movie, and I think it’s because I knew the Countess Dowager died in it and I just couldn’t (SPOILER, BUT SHE IS DEAD). I did watch the first one though of course! I loved that show beyond anything.
That sounds stressful but I am glad you advocated for yourself and your co-workers. I hope the situation changes and it doesn’t come to you leaving a job you’ve loved.
Agree about loving the show and movies have been a wee bit more ‘meh.’
Way to go doing the hard thing! If you haven’t already, make sure to write all the details down so it’s on record (and helps your memory.) Might help in the future scenarios you are concerned about.
Just reading the post title made my stomach knot up. I’m so sorry – a bad supervisor screwing up a good job is monstrously unfair and all too common, from what I hear.
I haven’t watched any of the Downton movies – I probably still will, the temptation of a little more Downton time will be irresistible, but good to have low expectations. Hard to imagine it without Maggie Smith. “One can always find an Italian who isn’t too picky.”
Good for you for taking charge of the situation! It sounds yucky. I hope things improve. I’d never heard “people don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses,” before, but boy does that ring true. I did that once, and in my exit interview with my boss’s boss (at her request) she very delicately asked, “does this have anything to do with [name of boss]?” and I was able to say “…YES.” Very gratifying. I’m sorry you might have to leave though, I’ve been a library page too and it is a quietly pleasant occupation.
Blergh, Swistle! (Do you know Leslie Higgins from Ted Lasso, and how he does that choking/gagging bit when he’s uncomfortable? THAT.) This sounds so yucky, the enduring of the ongoing problem and then the addressing it and then the having to go above the supervisor’s head to address it again. Ugh ugh ugh. It reminds me a little bit of a previous job where you kept saying, “I cannot take extra shifts” and they kept calling and asking you to take extra shifts and (in my memory) getting increasingly shrill about how no! one! was taking! extra shifts! when it was in no way On You to solve. Why? Why are people like this? And how do they become managers?
Anyway, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this current situation and all its reverberations. I really hope the boss’s boss can implement some worthwhile changes.
What @Alyson said. Good for you! And good grief, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all this.
So sorry this is happening but I hope you feel some relief from speaking up and having done all you could. Best of luck!
I’m so proud of you!!! And so angry that your supervisor is making a job you love into a nightmare. I hope that your boss’s boss stays strong on the follow-through.
omg … WELL DONE. I believe your quick action may save you from being driven mad or driven out by a bad boss. In my own experience I’ve found that, indeed, hard-working employees will put up with almost anything to keep a job they love or even like. But if they have a boss who is an adversary, never an advocate, and who is determined to create chaos and distress and division, the boss can and will always get what they want—namely with the good worker driven mad and/or leaving the job. UNLESS someone above the boss will step in to manage the boss. In my own experience, if there’s no one reliable with authority over a destructive boss, there is slim-to-zero hope for the good worker. Good wishes that in this case, the boss ends up controlled, and the good worker (you) ends up left in peace to continue doing your job well.
Kudos to you for confronting the supervisor and even going as far as talking to the head boss. There’s something to being a middle-aged woman and giving no effs. If they can’t fix the situation, then you tried and are ready to move on!