I used to be a Christian, but even if you aren’t one and never have been, you’re likely familiar with Christian concept that you should pray to God for help. But in my family, and perhaps this is familiar to you too, the idea was that if, for example, you pray to God for patience, you should expect God to give you many many irritating opportunities to practice that patience. If you pray to God for purity/chastity, you should expect temptation rather than a cessation of Impulses. You don’t pray to God as if he is a wish-granting genie; you pray to him as if he is a physical therapist. You want stronger arms? You need to expect ARM DAY EVERY DAY. It is that weird Christian mix of humble (YOU SHOULD EXPECT TO WORK/SUFFER AND SAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH SIR) and narcissistic (THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE IS YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER CREATING CUSTOM TASKS TO MEET YOUR PERSONAL REQUESTS). It is hard to fully shake that view of the universe: if I want to improve something, I expect to encounter extra opportunities to cultivate improvement, deity or no.
And so, from that mindset: I am being put to the test, in a nice easy trial run. Recently I decided in my mind that, based on numerous regrettable examples from the past, I needed to be quicker to give up THINGS I HAVE that OTHER PEOPLE NEED. Too many times I have kept something back, in case I might need it later—when someone else needs it NOW, and I can always acquire it again later. It makes me feel not only selfish but also ridiculous. I am anxious and clingy, even when I don’t need to be. I would like to stop that.
And after making that decision, here comes the first test. Elizabeth texts from camp that they seem to be on the verge of a Covid outbreak, and do we have spare Covid tests? Well, yes. Our insurance company was giving out EIGHT tests per member per month for awhile; now it’s four, and we have stopped asking for them, because we have accumulated a fair number. Let’s say, at a brief count just now, 75 tests. The anxious, clingy part of me says, “But we might need those!” And it’s true we DO go through them very quickly when Covid is in the house and there are six of us. The new concrete resolve says, “Yes, but we don’t need them NOW. Someone else needs them NOW. WE can get more LATER.” And then I allow the anxious clingy (PRACTICAL) part of me to order another batch from the insurance company AND to set aside three tests each to send with the college students this fall. ALL THE REST, we give to Elizabeth’s camp. It is GOOD to USE things for what they are supposed to be USED for. It is NOT good to HOARD things UNUSED, when they COULD be USED. It is ESPECIALLY not good to let things EXPIRE while we hoard them. And look what a nice easy level-one test I am being given: this benefits my own child, and people directly connected with her.
I am also sending all the boxes of kleenex we have in the house, plus some KN95 masks, plus our backup supplies of hand sanitizer, plus a hoarded and dear 6-pack of Reese’s Big Cups for morale, plus an unopened bottle of Tylenol. ALL OF THESE THINGS, I CAN EASILY REPLACE. I DO NOT NEED TO CLING AND/OR HOARD.
Good job. It can be hard to let things like that go.
Looking at the bigger picture, one could also say we don’t need to let life-saving HIV medicines, for which we’ve already paid, expire on storage shelves, rather than distribute them as intended. Just for instance.
YES. Or life-saving nutritional supplements. We don’t need to let them expire in warehouses, and then toss them into the trash, because oh dear, they are unfortunately expired, it is too bad we were unable to ship them in time to the people literally dying of hunger.
Yes to all of this and kudos to you, Swistle!
💛 and 💪
Great job! I totally get this, Swistle. It’s hard!
I also grew up in a home where you would never pray for something specific you wanted, you would pray for STRENGTH to conquer anything that came your way. Or GUIDANCE. EVERYTHING THAT COMES IS A LESSON TO YOU. God helps those who help themselves, etc. Hashtag Lutherans.
YES. And did you get the “if it be Thy will” technique? Like, you can SORT OF pray for something specific, as long as what you’re REALLY doing is praying for God’s will to be done. Which is a little bit of an odd thing to pray for, it occurs to me after the fact. Like…presumably God ALWAYS does his will, so if I’m praying for him to do his will, then why are we having this prayer at all? But I remember learning we’re supposed to ask and he wants us to ask, so I guess that’s why. “I’m really hoping to make the soccer team if-it-be-Thy-will.”
I grew up with the God-sends-you-lessons instead of what you’re asking for. This type of God is a real asshole, one I wasn’t too keen on, even as a kid. Ok – so you send me life lessons instead of what I’ve asked for (“pray, believing you will receive” “faith as small as a mustard seed”) and when I die I need to sit around and sing your praises for all eternity (with a bunch of Fox News supporters). This God sure thinks a lot of himself (and this type of God would for sure be “him” heh) I’m out.
As far as hoarding goes – same – the minute you give it away, you’ll need it – so you must save/keep everything, “just in case.” My kids are now in their twenties and I don’t even want to think of what is in boxes in my garage that I likely acquired before I had kids, to use when I had kids, that I kept for “later” and now they are GROWN. Yeah, I should spend the rest of the day hauling my shit to a thrift store.
I don’t have quite as many COVID tests as you, but a stash for no real reason. I never thought of donating those, but that’s something to look into.
While I just admitted to you that I’ve been hoarding towels (and it worked in my favor) I just took everything to donation yesterday. :) For me, I have to put it out in the car or I’ll dither and end of keeping it anyway. I like and will put to use “Someone needs this now”.
And, as Sean says, “They sell it at the store every day.”
As for the other thing, I don’t have any reference…I’m unsure if that’s good or bad…
A good reminder of the mentality to give what we can spare! Also, items unused that are accumulated become such a burden too. After spending 10 itense days cleaning out my parents’ house, on top of a couple years tossing things squirreled away in their attic, basement, garage,etc., I have a renewed energy to keep to minimum stuff in my house!
Good job!!!! That’s hard to do, but feels good once it’s done.