In the morning before I leave for work, I like to leave a note on the counter telling various kids what I would like them to accomplish while I’m gone—just small, reasonable tasks, nothing particularly onerous. Sometimes those things are left silently unaccomplished, which is maddening. I think they’re trying to surf on plausible deniability: hey, maybe they didn’t see the note! maybe they haven’t even been downstairs yet today! Who can say?
This morning I tried something new. I left the note to two children. I said would the second of those two children to see the note please empty the dishwasher. Then I put “first person to see the note:,” with a line for them to write their name. You see. This way, the motivation is TO HAVE SEEN THE NOTE. When I got home, the dishwasher was empty and the note was gone. I suspect they’ve taken it back to their lair for research/strategizing. How to defeat this new parental ploy?
I had such a successful day of errands yesterday, and I hear how dull that sounds. But you know that good feeling when you just get a whole bunch of little things checked off a list? I had some checks to deal with (the college sent some little refunds, with no explanation, and made them out in the kids’ names); I needed to stop by the hardware store and see if they had tower fans and/or pretty duct tape; I needed to pick up a prescription and see if that drug store had the potassium supplement I was looking for; I needed to drop a Litter Box Sample off at the vet; I needed to mail a package. I also needed a haircut, and that did not get done, but that can wait.
And this sounds even duller, but I had such a good experience at the hardware store! You know I have been trying to shop LESS at Amazon (not eliminate it, just REDUCE it), and I am mad at Target so I am trying not to shop there at all right now, but this means finding new sources for the things we need. Pretty duct tape, for example. I use it when packaging up boxes, especially care packages or gifts. Did I dare go to our very manly hardware store and try to find it, knowing that a nice older gentleman would be asking if I needed help within 30 seconds, and I would have to reinforce a stereotype? Well, I went, and happily found a female clerk, and she said “Wellllll, not really, but I’ll show you what we do have…” and brought me to a large display with half a dozen different patterned duct tapes (rainbow, checkers, camo, etc.) plus bright solids such as yellow, orange, purple, hot pink. I had to use restraint. (I got rainbow, yellow, and purple. If I do Halloween/fall care packages for Henry and his friends, I will permit the addition of orange. Nearer Christmas I will allow the purchase of red and green.)
Each time I go to one of these new stores I’m adding to my repertoire, I try to browse just a little through PART of the store, so I gradually learn what else they have, but without it getting overwhelming. So I browsed a little in the hardware store, and found Sharpie markers, which were also on my list! And a 5-cup coffee maker, which is on my list for Henry for college! And an indoor/outdoor thermometer/hygrometer, which I wanted now that we’ve put away our Amazon listening devices and can’t ask Alexa! And then the tower fan, which I’d been pretty sure I’d find, but they only had two left, and so that was nice. And I saw they have, for example, KITCHEN UTENSILS, and Mrs. Meyer’s soaps, and envelopes, and a bunch of other things I didn’t expect a hardware store to have.
When I picked up my prescription I browsed the drug store a little, but it wearies me to see their much-higher prices and realize I’ll need to get used to using their sales/rewards/coupons just to bring the prices down to the non-sale prices I’m used to paying. It’s worth it to me, but it’s going to take longer to get used to, and it’s less fun than the hardware store surprises (the duct tape, Sharpies, and coffee maker were the same prices as Target, and the tower fan was $5 less).
Your note strategy is GENIUS. I don’t have kids, but I’m filing this idea away for if/when I do.
I completely cut Amazon in January, deleted my account after using it for most of my shopping for 10+ years. It’s been easier than I expected actually, but I have basically just switched to Walmart, which is just as bad… But it still makes me feel like I’m doing something.
I only have one child (17M) but if he ignored a note on a summer day where I was working I would throw an enormous fit and he would do it as soon as I arrived home from work. I understand this isn’t the strategy for all families/dynamics but commiserating with your mad.
I’m also delighted by your successful hardware store adventure! What a nice victory!
I am reveling in the genius of your note. Wow. Just… wow.
Hardware stores are so awesome. I love wandering around a good hardware store. So many things! Such variety! I am pleased that your hardware store had good pricing, too.
You are wise. Thank you for teaching us your ways. Well done on the note.
Our Ace hardware and TruValue and they’re fine. Good even. But the Ace Hardware in Porter Square in Cambridge is another level. It’s like a bed bath and beyond before they sucked PLUS hardware. Hard core hardware is downstairs. Upstairs has kitchenware (including fancy le crueset) table linens, small appliances. It’s amazing. I love it.
I have found boycotting the Amazon FOR YEARS and the Target more recently that their prices are not great, usually. Target IS better than CVS but this is an opportunity to ponder if we really need new lipstick or an additional nailpolish color or whatever. My local grocery chain has great prices on generic advil/tylenol, cough and cold stuff. (It’s Market Basket)
That is super smart to browse around stores to see what they have and where it is kept. I’m often overwhelmed by big new stores, and this strategy is brilliant!
We have (in the past) done a lot of home renovations, and so I have been at many hardware stores, and it is astonishing all the things they have there. It’s not just lumber and plumbing fixtures!
I think I’m missing something about the note. What’s to stop the second child from saying s/he didn’t see it?
Hardware stores can be quite eclectic. Worth browsing.
They COULD! But it motivates children from now on to NOT pretend not to see a note, so that they can put their name on it and not have to do the chore.
I would think, too, that first child will remind 2nd child of their duty as slowpoke to the note.
“I had such a successful day of errands yesterday, and I hear how dull that sounds. But you know that good feeling when you just get a whole bunch of little things checked off a list?”
I absolutely know that feeling! it can definitely be a pain running around to so many places (my record is 10 stops in a day), and sometimes I run out of steam before completing all of my planned tasks, but getting a bunch of little things checked off is so mentally satisfying!
I took a day off last week but sent the kids away to camp/daycare, and I had SUCH a satisfyingly productive day!! It was still super chill, and I even got a MASSAGE as one of my “errands” – but being able to calmy tool around, during weekday business hours, was THRILLING. Did you know Costco at 11am on a Thursday is MUCH MUCH BETTER than any time on a weekend?? :D like, yes, obviously we all knew this, but EXPERIENCING it was delicious.
(The only problem is now I want to quit my job and have this be my life. I’ve flown too close to the sun.)
☺️❤️
My teens would never see I note. I’d have to text / snap them.
In spring I went to a local small Ace Hardware because I needed handwarmers for my son for baseball. Was pleasantly surprised to find they had a cute gift area and I was able to buy a couple of fun small gifts for my Mum (tiny ceramic mushroom that goes in a plant and a pretty flowered small melamine bowl) that I was able to take in my hand luggage when I visited her.
I love that note strategy, and a day of successful errands is the best
Do you know the poem “The Orange” by Wendy Cope? It has a line about finishing the things on your list, in the context of enjoying the little rhythms of life. It’s lovely.
I know that poem! The line “I love you. I’m glad I exist” makes me tear up every time I read it.
There’s few things i love more than the local hardware store!
I think this post about running errands is soothing. It’s exactly what I needed in the moment. <3