Have you watched Severance? We watched the first two seasons, and then the twins came home from college and they’d both watched only the first season, so we’re re-watching the second season now with them. I’m finding it riveting and distracting: lots to think about when not watching it.
Oh! And I just finished a book and I wonder if you might like it. It’s The Wedding People, by Alison Espach (Amazon link, Target link). I would say it was fun without being lightweight.
(image from Target.com)
I built the links/image the way I usually do, but this is the first time I’ve done that since finding out various bad things about Target: first, that they absolutely tripped over their own feet rushing to pre-comply with the new U.S. president’s executive suggestion about eliminating diversity, equity, and inclusion; second, that they donated a million dollars to that same president’s “inauguration fund,” and that it was the first time they’d made that sort of donation.
This leaves me in a bit of a pickle, as Target is where I do a LOT of my shopping—and I USED to feel good about shopping there instead of at Walmart or on Amazon. Now I am not sure what to do. I am reevaluating my other shopping options. For example, our grocery store sells toilet paper and shampoo and toothpaste, so I can get those there, and I am willing to pay a little more (and have a more limited selection) to feel on firmer ethical ground. And I look for used books on eBay; sometimes the sale even claims to benefit a charity.
But there are some things that are MUCH more expensive to buy at places that are not Amazon/Target/Walmart, without the place itself seeming like an obviously better choice, and I don’t know what to do about those. I can pay $11 instead of $6 at a chain drugstore; is that an ethical improvement? One of the kids got a little lofty about it, saying “we” “had to” be willing to pay “a little more,” and I was like, child, there is only so much money to work with here, and only a limited selection of sellers. We can fuss at each other about Ethical Stands, and hurt our own budgets over Possibly Slightly More Ethical Shopping Choices, without a single CEO feeling a single mild scolding, let alone a significant economic impact.
But that doesn’t change the fact that shopping at Target makes me feel bad now, so I’m continuing to explore.
THIS! There are certain products – non-grocery but things you use up – that I’m struggling with where to buy. The grocery store seems excessively priced, and you can’t always get what you want. I have been trying to order directly from companies online, but that isn’t always an option. So, where does one buy all the odds and ends we need without going to a big box store?
I also feel icky about Target, but more icky about Walmart and Amazon. I am buying what I can from Costco which not only has been great for the last several months but I also
Just feel very positively about in general (both costumer service and how they treat their employees). Then I buy from Target (which I still think is leaps and bounds better than amazon or Walmart), then amazon or Walmart but only if I no other options. It seems like most retailers out there have their own set of issues….Costco is the only one in my area I haven’t found out anything disconcerting about (lets hope it stays that way!!)
This is exactly what I was going to say, Ali. We’re also lucky to have Aldi and Lidl in my Maryland town.
I also look on Facebook Marketplace for folks selling things locally. Thrift stores for almost all of my clothes (and some household needs).
Do you have a local refillery? I have found most of what I need there, or at the dollar store (ethical? not) and at Costco.
I’m putting the energy i could be spending on deciding where to buy stuff into figuring out how to buy as little as possible. I am going to give some evil corporation money for sunscreen, but they won’t get any money for non-consumables. It’s going to be a thrift store Christmas this year.
I am also focusing on buying less over buying differently. (And it’s a little disconcerting how much of my self-care was spent browsing in Target.)
Re: thrift store Christmas. My kids did thrift stores and garage sales for Christmas a few years ago and seriously the gifts were SO good. Like WAY better than crap from a big box store and it was just a great lesson for everyone. I think we’ll do that again this year!
How did you go about setting this up?
I’m helping my kids (4-15YO) shop for Xmas up til the day before, it feels like.
I wonder how this idea took of in your family?
Target also reached out to Al Sharpton to try and do a fast image fix instead of actually admitting they’d massively screwed up or correcting their bad business decisions. Their comments on TikTok and other social media are locked since no matter what they posted about they got dragged. Before the comment sections were locked, I was sad but not surprised that there were some people who supported the ending of diversity programs.
Everything feels like it’s just bad everywhere. My therapist has advised to decrease my news intake or avoid it if necessary, but I don’t know how to walk the line of being informed but not being depressed and exhausted.
I LOVED The Wedding People, Swistle! I love it when our reading overlaps. I thought it was such a great book. FIVE STARS ALL THE WAY!
Re: shopping. It’s difficult. It’s a privilege to be able to choose where to shop, yes, because some people have to buy the lowest-cost things, but also…I don’t know. I think this is exactly the problem: “We can fuss at each other about Ethical Stands, and hurt our own budgets over Possibly Slightly More Ethical Shopping Choices, without a single CEO feeling a single mild scolding, let alone a significant economic impact.” In some ways it makes me feel like making these choices is ultimately worse for people, in terms of impacting us financially without any of the billionaires actually being impacted. At the same time, I do want to make ethical choices, and I am in a position where an extra few dollars isn’t going to kill me, but still. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t judge anyone for shopping wherever they do because I don’t know their situation. I don’t know, it’s so complicated.
Somewhere I read a statement I found both discouraging and comforting: that there are no morally right choices under capitalism. Now, I wound’t say there are NONE, nor would I say that another economic system necessarily offers better choices, ethically. But, it is not fair to say that the moral imperative to Do Better lies entirely on us, the consumers, who have comparatively limited power. Individually. I have also heard that foot traffic in Target stores is significantly down since all this went public.
I watched Severance and also found it riveting and interesting to think about and discuss but unfortunately my husband who watched it with me doesn’t really enjoy that sort of discussion, and I don’t know anyone else who watched it.
I hear you but I guess it feels like there is a hierarchy of badness in retail and so I’m trying to chose – less bad? I’ve been boycotting Amazon for 10+ years, because I lived in Seattle and could see from the ground up how terrible they were to workers/environment with the barest minimum of community investment – and I have never lined the Waltons pockets. Target always felt safer – and obviously their latest moves SUCK – but out of those three it’s the least worst to me?
And I do try to get most of my stuff from the refill place and local grocery store but there are just certain target things you know!
Least Worst. What a choice!
I’m choosing a worse choice temporarily (and also thrifting/yard saling more) because Target feels more able to be influenced. If Target feels the pain and backtracks, I’ll go back to them. (Although it’s bonkers to me how much they’re digging in their heels.) At this point I’m not going to change the worse option either way because they’ve existed for so long without me already.
Hi Swistle! I understand your ambivalence about boycotting Target but just wanted to add that the efforts seem to be working.
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/2025/05/02/why-are-people-boycotting-target/83410958007/
Even if it’s only a little bit, it does show that trying to have slightly more ethical consumption can have an effect.
Since I met my husband 22 years ago, I have never shopped at Walmart, because he knew a lot about how horrible they are because of his job and he never went there. I used to *admire* Sam Walton because of his management style, but this was in the dark ages, like the early 90’s. Target was my go to for sure but I haven’t been going there since they dropped their DEI efforts. Last night I had to go there, one of my kids wanted a dress to wear to school *today* and I had limited time so I thought we would just duck in there and hoo boy are they making it easy to not go there. The choices were terrible! The dresses were awful, in design and material, I don’t know what in the HELL is going on in there but we got a dress (that I have to bring back, she didn’t like it at home) and a $5 bag of potato chips to go with the sandwiches I was picking up and go the hell out of there. We go to Costco for a lot and Aldi for most things but Kroger for some other things that I can’t get at either of those places and to Trader Joes for VERY specific foods and skincare. I get pet food delivered from Chewy but recently I heard they were owned by some overlord, and I thought it’s impossible. You can’t win. Everything is terrible. :(
I believe Chewy is owned by Amazon actually. If it’s an option for you, we really liked Costco’s dog food (just not lugging the big bags ha).
Chewy is owned by Pet Smart, I looked. Which is less awful than Amazon. I have a great pet store nearby enough (stateline pet in plaistow NH) that we go there even though it’s a bit of a trip. Otherwise, Chewy.
It’s the hauling of the bags for me! Thanks!
We love Severance. First Beth and I were watching together and Noah was watching it on his own at school and when he came home the three of us watched the last season together, while North was starting from the beginning at school. Noah was also listening to two different podcasts about the show and we listened to a few episodes on a road trip to visit North at school in February. There are endless rabbit holes you can go down with it.
I have managed not to buy anything from Amazon since Christmas, but it’s hard sometimes. I have put off getting new reading glasses because they are so much more expensive at CVS and then I lost two pair in one day yesterday (one while out of the house so they are definitely gone) and I only have one pair left, so I need to make a decision about that soon.
Dollar store for reading glasses. I don’t know that they don’t suck but cheaper than CVS and also not Amazon.
Another strategy: donate the money saved when we patronize an Unsavory Business. Honestly a $25 donation to a local food bank does more good than depriving Unsavory Business of $50 while spending $75 at a different business (whose savoriousness we can’t verify)..
I haven’t shopped at Target or Amazon since this nonsense began and I would say my purchases are probably now a mixture of: just not buying the thing, my local grocery store (they have SO much more than I realized that I was buying at Amazon), Ulta, thrifted, local stores, directly from the company, eBay, ikea, Costco, and a few chain stores that maybe are slightly less dirt bags than Target has decided to be? Hopefully? I just dot want to hand my money over to someone who has to decided to spit in my face about being terrible while the country burns. At least PRETEND, I guess.
That being said, I REFUSE to judge anyone who can’t not shop somewhere, I just can’t get through this judging people for their choices, I have to believe in compassion and curiosity about why people make their choices. But I also refuse to believe that individuals acting together cannot enact change. We can and we will. I have to believe it.
Yeah. Breaking up with Target is hard to do! (ditto for Amazon but I finally broke up with them in 2020 so the “… where else *is* this?” thing re: Amazon is usually less immediate for me)
BUT the value of demonstrating to businesses that there are Consequences is worth a chunk of annoyance to me. And there are a lot of things in general that my income bracket buys and does not need, so there is also that: lowered consumerism is probably honestly a good thing.
I have no idea about their ethics, etc. but iHerb has been useful as a shockingly low-cost supplements-and-health-food-and-some-stuff shop (I also browse Swansons) and they are *fast* with delivery. There is all this annoying sale/pay-for-reviews/pay-for-referral stuff as well, but at a base level the financial incentives are less manipulative than Amazon, anyway. Nuts.com is great and is a smaller business.
Also for a bunch of shelf-stable stuff (we mostly get dried fruit, nuts, and *the absolute cheapest* generic allergy medication), Costco online will only charge you a 5% “non-member surcharge” for shipping it to non-members, although the free shipping limit is $75. (OTC meds are, I think, not surcharged and are just shipped free, period, though, I think?) They also have clothes and whatnot. (we’ve been buying from them for years because they quite simply have the cheapest craisins and prunes – another thing I discovered when weaning off Amazon is that they *aren’t* always the cheapest…)
Hardware stores have also been an Unexpected Trove, as have office supply stores. And yeah, weird corners of the grocery store.
The other aspect for in-person stores is that things may be more expensive at in-person stores, but if we want in-person stores to continue to exist, we need to collectively spend enough money there for them to continue to exist. (it is more frivolous than a necessity, but as a sewing/craft person, the closure of Joann Fabrics was a NOOOO because they were the main place to match thread colors to fabric *in person* and you just can’t do that online; also last-minute “oops, I need more…” item-grabbing; I used them at the last minute when I was making my mom’s mastectomy-friendly nightgowns and sooo many other time-sensitive projects. I am particularly “we need these to continue existing”-ish about drug stores right now due to the consolidation and closures and such, since no, I do not want to wait for a mail-order pharmacy to get my UTI antibiotics to me thanks, I want to start those ASAP, and also sometimes you need cough syrup NOW, etc., and no, you do not want to drive an hour to get children’s tylenol with a sick kid in the back seat! And yes, it is “more efficient” for a company to eat up all its competitors and have fewer stores and make you travel to them [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/12/food-deserts-robinson-patman/680765/] but also NO, consolidation and monopolies are in fact bad for all the non-shareholder humans in a variety of ways.)
Anyway! Good work on trying, and I am sorry it sucks, and I hope whoever *can* participate on Voting With Wallets to some degree does do it; it’s not going to fully work for everyone, but we might be able to get *enough* to make a difference collectively without having *everyone* esp. if people aim to reduce when they can’t fully eliminate. (I tapered off Amazon for a few years before I quit them abruptly in 2020; okay, so there are these things I buy from Amazon, what other options are there? – one at a time, swap over, move along)
(I also check Biblio for used books; they’re often cheaper on ebay, but sometimes Biblio wins out. We buy a… lot… of used books, though, so Just Checking Ebay may be a much more efficient/effective solution for you!)(they are similar to abebooks, but abebooks is amazon-owned, sigh.)
I hope it goes well! Stick it to them! If you need to, keep a sheet of paper to give yourself another star on every time you win at Collective Voting With Wallets or Collective Anti-Consumerism; gotta replace those online shopping cart dopamine hits somehow. :-)
It helps me to think about my budget for activism. I have a certain amount of time, energy, and money that I can use to advocate for things I care about. Where I shop matters and it is worth spending some time exploring the available options and choosing the most ethical option from what is available. But if I spend hours and hours trying to optimize my shopping, that’s time and energy I could have used to call my congressperson or attend a protest. Financially, can my “household goods” budget absorb the higher prices at the grocery store or drug store, or will that cut into the amount available for charitable and political donations? Right now I’m trying to buy less overall and choose local/the grocery store/Costco whenever I can. But the logistical gymnastics to cut out Target 100% aren’t worth the tradeoff in my advocacy budget. This approach won’t work for everyone, and I work with some advocacy purists who reject this model for legitimate reasons. But the concept of an “activism budget” helped me with this issue.
I’m able to buy more things at my local grocery store (HEB, which is very community-focused) but for things we can’t get there, I’ve managed my Target aversion by GOING to Target but not using my app or my Target Visa, so at least they can’t have the benefit of tracking my purchases. :/ Not the best solution but we do what we can.
I have also been avoiding target, and I cancelled prime but have bought a few things off amazon (like 2 orders since the beginning of the year including a baby registry where the choices were target or amazon). Mostly because I don’t think Amazon will ever change. I found a car garbage can from Etsy and some t-shirts from Etsy instead of target or amazon. My thing right now is that my daughter is picky about socks and the ones she can stand are from target but she needs new ones. I’m sure something like bombas would work but $$$.
Marshalls often has socks. We got gap ones there.
I have the same dilemma. I buy a majority of our household things and some groceries at Target, because I hate Walmart. But now I kind of hate Target. So what I have been doing is buying LESS at Target. We got a BJ’s membership and are buying more there, which is useful anyway because of the teenage boy situation. We have been unable to completely cut Amazon Prime out because it can be useful to have in case of emergency and also we have bought movies/shows on Prime that we don’t want to lose access to, but we have cancelled our “subscribe and save” order at Amazon. We are consciously spending more locally – and that’s where I think we can be most helpful. I have been buying books at our delightful bookstore, buying toys at our wonderful little toy stores, going to the farmer’s market EVERY weekend, etc. But I do still go to Target. Baby steps.
Here’s where I have landed on the Target dilemma (since I still don’t go willingly into stores unless I absolutely have to – hence the need to have things delivered) – I will only order must have items (and MUCH less often) and I don’t throw anything that isn’t absolutely necessary into the order at all (that’s where they always got me to spend more before – oh, what a cute shirt/pillow/whatever).
I’m still super pissy about Target’s policies – but I think we also have to look at what works for us as individuals and families.
If you ever have extra shopping energy and time to use , I’m on the board of a literacy nonprofit that funds many of its programs by operating three nonprofit bookstores. You can order from them online and they are super affordable, but you actually have to go to their website, pick a store and check their inventory (and, if you don’t find the book you want at store one, you still have to check the other two stores). For anyone who is interested:
https://www.open-books.org/
Shopping is starting to feel like being in The Good Place, where there are no ethical options. I do a mixture of buying less, spending more at other places, and only shopping at Target/ Amazon as a very last resort. I’ve maybe gone to each once or twice this year, far, far less than ever before.
What a great conversation in your comments! I try to shop locally as much as possible, and I’m so lucky to have a grocery store, a Family Dollar, an Ace Hardware, and a thrift shop close by. But there are items I can’t find anywhere except on Amazon, plus I have a Kindle and a lot of Kindle books. If my Kindle dies, I might consider leaving, but I can’t see changing to something else until then. I’m happy to see so many comments about NOT shop shaming. We do the best we can. I haven’t watched Severance! Everyone is talking about it!
I wondered how you were doing with the Target situation.
For myself, I’m in Canada, so I’m boycotting all US made or grown products, and also all US owned stores (Walmart, Amazon, Costco, Home Depot, DollarTree etc).
Yes, it’s costing us more, but we’re using local stores more, and using an app to check country of origin in the grocery store. It’s, as mentioned, an activism budget, that I’m willing to spend (at the moment).
I have not, yet, been unable to find a substitute, except salad; I’ll wait for Canadian lettuce.
We wish you the best of luck…
I’ve found my compromise in only ordering online at target things I need that are hard or much more expensive to get other places. Not going in person or mindlessly browsing online has cut down my spending there by a lot while also accepting that things that I can get there.
We are “It’s Complicated” with Target. I am not usually one to rush into boycotting every company for every reason, cause the sad fact is almost every big company has right-wing owners, so there is only so much you can do. But I am enjoying that Target is seeing a real impact from people displeased by their DEI abandonment, and that makes it feel worthwhile to check Costco first for things like basic clothes that we would normally get at Target, pay a little extra for things that are available from the grocery store (which has a unionized workforce) and to also go without in terms of some of the cute seasonal items that I might be getting otherwise. But I don’t think it has to be all or nothing? We will still buy things at Target if Target is the only reasonable place to get them. As long as their sales go down, which they have, it sends a good message.
May I suggest just buying less in general? For me as a European who lives in a small appartment it is fascinating to read how much solace and excitement you (and your readers) seem to find in buying things, especially other versions of something you already have, and gifts both for yourself and others. When I had all I needed and also my space got full I just stopped doing that (well, mostly) and I’m learning how to make things myself or thrift them for when I need a replacement. And I love finding new homes for stuff I don’t need anymore. The excitement Is the same but the satisfaction and reciprocity stay for longer 🙂 I hope this doesn’t come across as preachy oř patronizing because I absolutely don’t mean it that way. I really enjoy your blog and relate to a lot of what you write (politics and feelings about it included).
You certainly may suggest it (though decreasing solace and excitement and generosity at this time feels like a suggestion I’m not likely to take), but it doesn’t solve the issue I’m talking about, which is figuring out where I should buy things like conditioner, socks, printer paper, vitamins, etc.
I’m just a soul whose intentions are good, oh lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood!
Obviously I can’t recommend particular replacement shops. The point I wanted to make was that Target et al would feel it even if you don’t stop shopping there altogether. It seems to me similar as going zero waste: achieving some percent success is easy, achieving more is really hard, achieving 100 percent impossible. Some swaps require getting used to new brands, some make you realize you don’t actually need to use a particular kind of product ať all. There is nothing wrong with being still dependent on something you can’t reasonably replace; the reasonable goal is weaning off buying cathegories of stuff you don’t actually need. I am not suggesting you make your own printer paper; but I have found lots of great not urgent and giftable stuff via my local Buy Nothing group, and made friends this way as well. It is a different kind of solace and excitement and generosity than from shopping but it is the same positive kind of feeling. Sorry if my post felt condescending or something, this is not my mother language and I mean it well.
I have been trying to support local businesses. The local not-Home-Depot-or-Lowes hardware store has a lot more stuff than I ever expect and it is closer than the big box stores. More money is being spent at the grocery store for conditioner, vitamins, sunblock. I am about to order a few things from REI that I would normally get from Amazon. In general, I think I am buying less. I am trying to get the dopamine hit from things like a cute greeting card that I then mail to a friend who is not expecting it or flowers from the tulip place to a friend who is not expecting it. And books. With a toddler, we have a lot of excuses to buy books these days.
For books, I have been using bookshop.org and World Of Books for used books. World of Books has been awesome for the toddler books and I’ve found a few things for me as well to get to the free shipping tier.
This is an option that requires more mental effort and may not be worth it, but CVS has coupons and deals that beat Walmart and Target by a longshot. I get the app, sign up for emails, and mailings. They want you to come in, so they will offer a 40% off one item discount, or send $2 extrabucks to get you in. I use these by stacking coupons, earning extra bucks, then rolling over extrabucks.
Please download the “Goods Unite Us” app. You can look up stores, restaurants, even individual product brands to see if the company behind it is “ethical”. They list how much money they donate to Republican vs Democrats, their contribution level, and whether buying from that company will lead to meaningful campaign finance reform. They keep adding more and more data all the time and I’ve found it to be so useful in helping me make shopping decisions. Not so much in deciding what to replace Target with though, because we don’t have a CostCo here. :-(
My target is within walking distance of my house, making it the most convenient choice, but I’ve barely spent any money there since the news, and I haven’t missed it. In a real pinch, I’ve gone in and spent the bare minimum, but overall I’m spending less in general. Every time I want to impulse buy something, I say “not in this economy/administration,” and that squashes the desire. I’m thrifting more, and I joined Costco. I’m not perfect, but my Amazon/Target purchases are down 90%, at least.
We switched to Costco, you can get nearly anything there. I was a bit stuck for Easter candy but I tried World Market and it was okay. I also don’t think anything has to be perfect to help.
Oh! I was just typing this and I see that Jenny mentioned Costco already! Well, I will chime in.
I know many people who are huge fans of Costco, and I just Googled and found this:
https://thehill.com/opinion/5109686-costco-rejects-trump-dei/
And also this:
https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/costco-board-members-donated-heavily-democrats-2024-election-cycle
I don’t know about where you are, but for us it’s a longer drive to Costco than to Target. It might be kind of fun just to check it out, except that I think maybe you have to be a member to get the best discounts?
There is a membership fee at Costco. We did the math and for the things we buy, the savings make up for the fee (honestly!) We have a small house and never felt the need for Costco before, but you can get socks and printer paper and wrapping paper and detergent and garden hoses and vitamins and even fill your prescriptions there.
Do you have a Meijer nearby? They are on the “good” list as far as DEI and have very similar stock as Walmart. I prefer them to Target actually.
I stopped buying from target in January, and it’s shocking how much I used to spend. I’ve found replacements for everything. I have to say a lot of the things I used to buy were nonessential decor or fun buys—I’m using Facebook marketplace, thrift stores, and garage sales for that little hit of shopping dopamine.