Yesterday evening, as I was locking up, the door out to the garage was being difficult, so I pulled it back and shut it again with more firmness. This caused a breeze that knocked a nearby spider out of its web and onto the floor. As I prepared to scream and run (I ALLOW spiders, but I do not want them SKITTERING TOWARD ME), a much, much larger spider came darting out from behind a shelf, grabbed the fallen, struggling spider, and dragged it back behind the shelf. I think I’ve mentioned that when I was a young child my dad was a pastor; immediately I began thinking of how to build a sermon around this incident.
As my, let’s call it agitation, ramps up before the England trip (last night I sent myself five emails from my phone between 10:02 and 10:44, as I kept thinking of more things after going to bed), I am once again practicing the art and science of separating Nice from Important.
Wouldn’t it be nice to come home to a clean house after an exhausting vacation? Oh it certainly would! But if I don’t get to it, that is not Important: the messy house might be Less Nice to come home to, but that’s fine. It’s not WRONG to spend an extra ten minutes bleaching/scrubbing the shower before work, especially when it’s too early to pack and my agitation needs something to occupy it; and definitely I know from experience I will fervently thank myself for anything I DO do—but it’s not Important. Even if the shower mildew Took Charge in our absence, and I came home and saw it and felt like crying, I would nevertheless manage to bleach the hell out of it, and all would once again be well. (Still, I was glad I got around to cleaning our shower, and that the kids were managed into cleaning theirs.)
It would be Nice if we could remember to toss all the perishables before we go. But if we forget, or if tossing them in the trash would mean the trash would be revolting to come home to, then that’s not Important: we can toss out some moldy sour cream when we get home, we can pour out the iffy milk when we get home. It would be really, really nice if I would remember to wash out the coffee pot and leave it in the drying rack; but if I don’t, and I come home to week-and-a-half old coffee, I will wash it out then. Coming home is going to be a giant to-do list no matter what, and I have the next day off from work.
There are already some items that it turns out we are Just Not Going To Acquire, despite being told to acquire them (for example, several days before the trip, the travel agency said many places won’t allow backpacks so each of us should have a smaller bag; that does not appear likely to happen), and some of those things are making me nervous—but if we desperately regret not having them, we can acquire them in England. It’s not important that we get them ahead of time; it might not be important to acquire them at all. I’m remembering when a child went to camp, and the camp list said they HAD to have rain boots, were absolutely REQUIRED to have rain boots, and we did NOT have much spare money so I was very grateful to find some at 75% off at Target, and the child did not wear them one single time at camp.
But leaving an authorization (for emergency cat/home repairs) for the cat-sitter is Important. Making sure windows/doors are closed and locked is Important. Bringing Edward’s essential medications and Elizabeth’s Epi-pens is Important. Our passports and driver’s licenses are Important: if we forget those, we CANNOT GO.
Then there are some things that are in the middle: they’re Important, but they’re manageable in an emergency, and/or the consequences might be Quite Unpleasant But Not Life/Trip-Threatening. Having enough cat food and cat litter in the house is in this category. Sure, in a true emergency (oh no, raccoons broke in and ate all the cat food!!) the cat-sitter could go to the store and buy some, but we REALLY DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO ASK HER TO DO THAT, so acquiring plenty of both items was a priority and has been accomplished. Running the dishwasher and/or washing dishes and/or getting all dishes out of the kids’ rooms is likewise in this category: no one would die, and the trip would still happen, but the nasty dishes/aromas/flies would be so very unpleasant to come home to and have to deal with.
I try to always have the dishes clean. By clean I mean I turn on the dishwasher as I walk out the door, something that would HORRIFY my mother because she’s worried about it leaking all over the place when she’s gone (she also will not run the washer or dryer while out, I will). I also try to leave a clean house because it is SO MUCH more pleasant to come home to. And my girl child agrees and has put us all on bed changing schedules and made sure that was done before we decamped to Maine for the summer, which is nice. Less nice is that neither male house resident thinks of these things, though we can tell them to do them, we still have to THINK of them in the first place.
I always have 10 tons of dog food. And toilet paper. The raccoon burglars would LOVE IT. the mice already do (I’m working on it…or was until decamping, the husband can figure it out).
Have such a good trip that when you walk back into your house and realize some thing didn’t get done it doesn’t even phase/faze you and still doesn’t bother you when you get around to correcting it.
The one “nice but not important-important” thing I prioritize before leaving on a trip is clean sheets on the bed. I cannot tell you what a gift it is to myself every time to finally arrive home after a long day of traveling and have clean, un-slept-on sheets to slip into.
So relatable. I learned about wolf spiders this year. I will leave it at that!
I also get a bit anxious before trips. Last year I COULD NOT stop doing stuff in the house and get on the road . Over the past year we had a good laugh about it and this years vacation started off more promptly. Great way of summarizing – nice vs important.
Currently on vacation and remembering that every day has peaks and valleys and that is ok. Makin the memz I suppose, lol. Can’t wait to hear more about the trip
Ah yes, I know this fretful pre-travel feeling very well. I travel from Ireland to the US about twice a year, and I always intend to deep-clean my apartment before I leave. In practice, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. It’s absolutely PREFERABLE when I get around to it, but it doesn’t ruin my life when I don’t. (In fact, a lot of my frantic pre-trip tidying is of the “I’ll put this in a safe place so I won’t lose it” variety, and then after being gone for a month I’ll end up forgetting where I put all my stuff. So in some ways it’s better not to tidy too much before leaving for an extended period of time.)
If you need a Voice of Reason for the backpack issue, here is one: I don’t usually carry a backpack, but I’ve been to many tourist attractions in the UK with my dad who DOES carry a backpack, and I don’t remember it ever being an issue. Some places will have a coat check where you can leave your bags, and you can put your phone and wallet in your pockets in the meantime. (Bonus travel tip: bring clothes with pockets.) Other places will let you bring your backpack in with you, but you’ll need to carry it like a purse instead of on your back. Annoying, but workable. And I’m pretty sure most places won’t have weird backpack rules anyway.
Your trip must be just a few days away now! So exciting!!
Oh, also: one thing that I would classify as “important” (I mean, not as important as remembering to pack passports or medication, but still) is having coffee and the ingredients for a quick meal waiting for you in your kitchen when you get back. You will be tired and hungry after a long flight, and you will absolutely not be in the mood for a grocery store run. (I usually make sure I’m stocked up on pasta and jarred sauce, since it’s non-perishable and requires minimal effort on my part. Frozen foods are also good.)
When my parents travel and have housesitters, they tell them, “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, except the last of the coffee.”
My dad had his wallet stolen out of his backpack in Greece last month. If you get a backpack, make sure it’s the kind that is resistant to pickpockets.
Someone attempted to get into my husband’s backpack while he was wearing it in Ecuador last year. Pickpockets are brazen! I’m thinking of investing in a crossbody bag with the straps that can’t be cut, they’re specifically made for travel. For now I just wear my little Lululemon bag which can fit under a jacket/coat.
I’m just here to say I hope you have a wonderful time! I like being on a trip but VERY MUCH DISLIKE the week or so leading up to the trip. Bon voyage!
The preparation/anticipation for a trip is always the WORST in those days leading up to the actual packing. I love how you are thinking of things. To me, nice is making the bed… Important is remembered to take out the kitchen trash before we leave. I mean, it’s not medicine/ID level important, but it’s close!
I have twice now seen a spider too large to Deal With (once in the garage and once in the basement). It makes me so uneasy. The deal I wish the spiders would keep is Stay Hidden At All Times. They seem to do whatever they feel like though.
Have a fantastic trip! I wish you delicious food, fun memories, and negligible jet lag.
My sister used to say all she really NEEDED on a trip was a passport and a credit card. I think I would add essential medications and a cell phone. Although there are many other things it is NICE to have, the list of things I NEED is much smaller.
Have so much fun!! Tell us all about it!!
I like reading everyone’s comments of what they like to do before a trip.
If I’m away for a few days, I like to clean the toilets before I leave and then leave the cleaning product IN them to work sparkling magic while I’m away.
Giving all the houseplants a good soaking is not rocket science but a good practice, obviously!
I put partially used milk in the freezer, rather than throw it away. It thaws pretty quickly when I get back.
Adjust all thermostats to the most energy saving modes.
One time, I left a freezer not quite closed and had to throw a whole bunch of food away upon my return. Bad mistake!
Have a wonderful trip, Swistle!
On the backpack front, I remember Harrods is small bags only. I think some of the museums might also be? (Natural History Museum, British Museum, maybe?)
BUT oh gosh yes just buy them here if you need one. As an ex-Londoner who is now living in a quiet northern English village (on the very outskirts of a city, but nonetheless, a village) but is spending 2 days a week in London for work right now OH MY GOSH. There are so many retail opportunities in London!
You will walk past an H&M or a Marks and Spencer or some other bag-selling shop in every mini district of London, so just buy a bag there if you need to.
Also in general, I suggest travelling light while you’re out exploring London, sure you need water bottle, rain coat, sun cream, wallet, phone, but that’s about it. I’ve spent the last 2 days in an office for 9+ hours each day and I’ve *still* racked up my 10,000 steps each day just getting from a to b, it’s a walking city!
I like to try and attempt clean sheets, clean house when we leave for a trip. Mostly I just settle for not having that moment of ‘have we been burgled and ransacked, or are we just huge slobs?’ when we step back over the threshold…
I am pro clean sheets on the bed, but I have been consciously trying to ramp down my “it must be perfect before I leave or the world will END” feelings around travel as they are not conductive to feeling good about life (or anything else) for about two weeks before a trip.
In the future (after you go to England and have a fantastic time, of course!), would you consider sharing what working with a travel agent was like/ what you had them do?
I agree with taking the trash out. One time we forgot and when we came home it smelled SO BAD.
I wouldn’t care about the sheets, but my SO does and changes them right before we leave. It is nice when we come back, but not something I’d personally do on my own.
I’m in the camp of not starting any appliances as we go out the door. I’ve had terrible luck with dishwashers and washers overflowing and dryers catching on fire (yea I clean the lint trap, that wasn’t the issue).
I stock the freezer with a frozen pizza or two the week before we leave. Everything in our town closes at 9 since COVID. Sometimes we’re supposed to be home before 9 but get delayed. Just super easy to pop in the oven and guarantees we’re not starving overnight.
Not 100% sure I understand the back pack thing. Is it like you’re all using backpacks as carry ons and plan to carry them around the city and the travel agent is advising against it?
You’re probably not going to need that much stuff to walk around a city. I pack a fanny pack sometimes which works out nicely when I arrive. Either way, there will be tons of shops to buy a small bag when you get there if needed and it can double as a souvenir which would work out quite nicely.
Tip re: the bag/backpack issue: bring a few reusable grocery bags. They take almost no space and work just fine.
When the have I packed correctly anxiety gets to me, I ask whether the problem can be solved with money. If yes, I try not to stress about it. If no, I double check I’ve packed the right thing.
Dishes are definitely the thing I like to have done before I leave. My last several trips have been work related though and without the family, so it’s been both nice to not worry about the house but frustrating to know it will be a disaster when I come home.
I make sure we have coffee and frozen pizza for when we return, that there’s plenty of dog and cat food in stock, and that I’ve given the housesitter has the most current feeding/med schedule for the pets.
My husband, on the other hand, decides just as it’s time to leave that now would be the perfect time to clean the garage floor and sweep the patio and reorganize the storage closet, as I’m loading the car with all our luggage. Then he gets all sweaty and stressed and has to take a shower and cool down and possibly have a cup of coffee before we can go.
OMG that’s grounds for divorce. To be fair, I’m the one shining laser eyes into my sleeping husband because we’re wasting daylight, but I’m developing hives just thinking about your situation.
There is totally a similar dynamic at our house with “hey, now would be a great time to do that fiddly thing that I’ve put off for three years, since we have a deadline of some other kind looming imminently.”
My mother-in-law is coming for a 6 day visit tomorrow, her first since before covid. I’ve been working all week. Spouse has mostly been free of work responsibilities since last Friday. Today he decided that it would be a good use of his time to try to fix the toilet in the guest bathroom that leaks a little bit into the bowl as opposed to say, cleaning.
And I don’t think I mentioned the part where I’m in a walking cast and can’t actually go full throttle with the cleaning myself right now.
Our worst getting-home experience was something we wouldn’t have predicted. Our (teen neighbor) cat-sitter had thrown the cat-food cans into the kitchen trash after use. We didn’t think to tell him to take them to the outside recycle bin. It was summer in Maryland, we didn’t have the AC running, and we were gone for about 10 days. Because there was still some gravy in the discarded cans, the trash smelled like an aged carcass and there were MAGGOTS in it. Gagging just thinking about it
well actually I have a worse one, now that I think about it. It was on the day of the 2017 solar eclipse. After viewing the eclipse in the morning at the Tetons, we were heading to Salt Lake City to fly home the next day and got a call that the [different teen] cat sitter had discovered that one of the two cats had died. (He had been barfing, but that didn’t seem out of the ordinary.) Thinking that digging a grave for a cat was more than she signed up for, we asked her (while trying to be sensitive to our kids in the back seat, then aged 12 and 9) to triple-bag him and put him in the fridge for us to deal with when we returned home. Fortunately she was not the squeamish sort, and her dad had driven her that day & could support her. Ugh!
!! Is it okay to say this is a GREAT story? Because it is a great story (…and I’m also very sorry your cat died).
Thank you! (Probably an even better story for the teen and her parents!) Milo was in his teens and had lived a pretty great life, so it wasn’t too hard to say goodbye
Raw chicken in the garbage can, that we failed to take out before a 2 week vacation in 1997 – IN THE SUMMER. Had also turned thermostat off to save money. In a small apartment. I can NOT even express the level of nastiness we walked in to. I truly can’t believe no one called the slumlord to do a wellness check.
Oooh I have a bag recommendation, this one from Uniqlo: https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/product/round-mini-shoulder-bag-461053.html
It’s like a Tardis, it fits everything in! And lots of great colours. They’re v popular here at the moment, since I bought mine I see at least one other one very time I go out! Super excellent.
(In the UK, I should have clarified. Pop into Uniqlo and grab one when you arrive! 😁
Non-negotiable on my list: plugging all of the drains in the house to keep the roaches and scorpions from getting in. Also, making 200% sure we remember to take the garbage out the garbage day prior to leaving, or else the garbage will have to sit and ferment in our 130 degree garage until we get back. Then minimize what gets tossed after garbage day. Pretty much all other cleaning is optional but nice. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.
My husband always double checks that every toilet in the house has been flushed. I don’t know the details but apparently he and his family learned that the hard way once when he was growing up.
I read this as I was going through a similar mental process about leaving for a trip.
I did a cursory job cleaning the kitchen and cleaned the toilet that gets the most use.