I keep needing to talk myself down from Shipping Worries, even though I have no serious shipping worries: the UPS packages (I’m not getting burned by USPS again this year) to my parents and to Paul’s sister have arrived safely; all the other gifts are either already here or else it’s no big deal to wrap a picture of the item instead. There are some things I ordered for a Christmas party that were supposed to be here on the 15th and now Target estimates they won’t be here until the day after the party, but that’s at most a disappointment, and I can either deliver them to people after the party or else I can figure out something different to bring for the party, and it’s no big deal and everything will be fine. And if the gift cards for the UPS/USPS delivery people don’t show up in time, well, who knows better than they about shipping issues? I don’t need to worry! I keep worrying anyway!
It just feels like Things Are Not Okay, or Potentially Not Okay, or that Things Might Later Not Be Okay. Like, I might need something important but be unable to get it; I might want to send something important but it might get stuck on the way. It’s similar to when there were things unavailable in the grocery store, and that was stressful EVEN IF I DIDN’T WANT TO BUY THOSE THINGS; it created in me an odd urge to quest for and buy those things. My college major was Business, so I have taken Marketing and Economics classes and dimly remember that scarcity and demand are powerful forces, but that’s only somewhat helping me to stop panicking over things I don’t need to panic about.
Something a little more helpful is remembering that for those of us with Anxiety Issues, anxiety can be something that exists on its own in a pure and meaningless form, and then the brain searches for justification for the anxiety’s existence. I am anxious FIRST, for biological/psychological reasons; then my brain tries to figure out an explanation for the anxiety, and instead of saying “Oh, I see: it’s a little glitch here in this region, how unfortunate, perhaps we could fill out a maintenance request form,” it says “THERE CAN BE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, THE EXCELLENT BRAIN! IT MUST BE SOMETHING EXTERNAL THAT IS WRONG. AH HA, I SEE IT NOW: IT MUST BE THE SUPPLY CHAIN.” Or the plumbing, or the budget, or the cleaning chores, or the cat’s asthma, or WHATEVER it finds lying around within easy reach.
And of course it GENUINELY IS a little stressful to have supply chains disrupted in various ways, and it DOES INDEED indicate that Things Are Not Entirely Okay, and it is legitimate to be concerned that it might get worse and/or cause problems later on even if we have been lucky/okay so far, and it is not a bad thing to be worried on behalf of people who have not been as lucky/okay, and it is okay to be a little anxious about all of it. But wouldn’t it be kind of nice NOT to be, or to be LESS. So I am trying.
The most useful Coping Thought so far is “You don’t have to think about that Right Now.” What I like about it is that it doesn’t dismiss the legitimacy of the concerns, it only addresses whether thinking about it RIGHT NOW will be of any use, which: no. I can use the anxiety to fuel a few practical decisions, such as making sure I’ve bought a little ahead on things that would cause issues if they became unavailable (my reflux medication, for example), and everything else can be set aside to worry about Another Time, which may perhaps be Never, but will more likely be 3:30 in the morning when the Coping Thoughts are off-duty.
It also helps to think about the times when Anxious Fears About Shortages turned out to feel kind of silly afterward. (This is a technique that can ONLY be self-administered.) I remember searching for disinfecting wipes every single time I went to the store, with big pangs of anxiety every time I couldn’t find them—and then when they WERE available, I didn’t BUY ANY, because I DIDN’T NEED ANY! WHY THEN ALL THOSE ANXIOUS PANGS??? Or, recently I placed a Target drive-up order, and got an out-of-stock notice on two of the things I’d wanted for the kids’ stockings, and I felt this big surge of OH NO THIS IS VERY BAD—and then I went into the store to get something that wasn’t available for drive-up, and saw the things that were allegedly out of stock, and it wasn’t even all that exciting to buy them, because the stockings would have been fine without them. WHY THEN THE PANIC?? So silly.
In short, if you would like to fret about shipping delays/concerns, you will find me a VERY SYMPATHETIC EAR.
I really appreciate the idea of, “I don’t need to think about that RIGHT NOW”. Thank you for the concept. My mom says just writing the thing on a list of stuff to deal with later helps. She keeps a note pad by the bed, and writes down, “call plumber” or “pre-order fuel oil?”(back when she had an oil furnace), when those intrusive thoughts happen during the night. (I’m not a list maker, so it doesn’t help me)
I’m not a list-maker either but have hit on sending a short email to myself (yes, from me and to me) and then immediately using Gmail’s Snooze function to snooze it until I need to see it. Often that is until “tonight” or “tomorrow morning” or maybe “Saturday morning,” but I also have one that’s scheduled to snooze until next November involving pro-actively cancelling the otherwise (sigh) automatic renewal of a magazine subscription I gave as a (one year!) gift this year.
I swear I need you to sit on my shoulder and whisper All of TheseThings in my ear when I am feeling All of These Things at various times for various reasons throughout the year!
Why then the panic? Yes. I just threw away an entire unopened box of graham crackers that I bought in 2020 when there was a graham cracker shortage, even though my family eats maybe a total of ten graham crackers per year.
WHY do the Coping Thoughts get to go off duty when the anxiety never takes even a coffee break?
I can appreciate the feeling that Things Are Not Okay, even though I don’t have any shipping issues and in fact even have my GODFORSAKEN ADVENT CALENDAR take care of! AND YET. It feels as though things are going Totally Sideways (they are not)!! Things are Not Working Out (what things??) Christmas is ruined (!!????)! Solidarity. I don’t even know, man.
This is what my Anxiety Brain is doing, too. “Christmas is barreling down on us and you are not ready. You are so far behind. You will never catch up, and Christmas will be ruined for those precious children.” Except, when I sit down to see what I need to do to salvage the situation…it’s fine? Everything major on the to do list is done or easily accomplished. I may not get everything done, but those are extras. I think it’s my anxiety brain reacting to the busy. There is a lot on our calendar right now, and I don’t like busy.
I was shocked, I tell you, absolutely SHOCKED when we mailed my mother-in-law’s package on Monday and she received it that very week. Most of my gifts have been purchased, so I’m not overly anxious YET…but I’d rather have them in the house than sitting somewhere on a truck.
I’m hoping that since the HIGH MAINTENANCE person has been taken off my (work) plate and the starting of my vacation maybe I’ll start to slow down and really get into the Christmas spirit – rather than feeling frantic every single moment of every single day.
I feel like we all have PTSD from this pandemic and when something minor goes awry our panic buttons are extra sensitive and get activated immediately.
Not the point of your post, but your pandemic grocery store posts were seriously something that kept me sane, especially during the early days. Just seeing someone write out the problem, address the fear and anxiety that I/we were experiencing was extremely helpful so thank you for that kind internet person.
I think maybe from now on we’re all going to have a little bit of pandemic-related…PTSD is too strong of a term, but some sort of perpetual anxiety when it comes to things that remind us of the worst of the pandemic. For me today it was putting hand-me-down clothes into my younger daughter’s dresser. As I was putting away all the stuff for her to wear next spring/summer I was feeling this low-key anxiety and I couldn’t figure out why but then eventually it dawned on me that those clothes were what my older daughter was wearing in April and May of 2020 when we were all trapped in our house for weeks on end and constantly doom-scrolling news articles. Seeing some of those t-shirts was bringing back memories of those desperate-feeling afternoons of trying to entertain 3 young kids without the ability to go anywhere, and the abrupt permanent cancellation of preschool and, ugh. I am hoping by the time my younger daughter gets around to wearing those clothes 5-6 months from now we will magically feel further removed from the pandemic and they won’t make me feel weirdly stressed out.
Also, in shipping woes, I’m a room parent for my kid’s class and the other room parent and I have ordered like six different crafts between us in the hopes that at least one of them arrives in time for next week’s winter class party. Several of the items claim they will be arriving in time, but I just don’t trust shipping these days.
I feel…. kind of like the anxiety is floating around me in a cloud waiting to attach itself to random things at any particularly inopportune moment. Last night I had a minor melt-down that I couldn’t find my dad’s Christmas gift (we do family Secret Santa, he was mine) and got very sweaty/stressy for 5 minutes until I remembered that I’d had it delivered directly to my parents’ house. I did the same thing with a beautiful Brio steam train I’ve bought my 2-year-old when I collated all the kids’ gifts to check they’re equal, and it was missing from the pile. Cue immediate crisis about how it’s out of stock everywhere online, the local toy shop had ONE left and I’d bought it, how I really can’t just be that person who loses expensive gifts and has to rebuy, etc etc. Turns out my train enthusiast husband has it tucked away.
I am VERY overwhelmed with work at this time of year. I am similarly overwhelmed with Christmas school-admin (I work almost full-time hours, I did not fully appreciate that having school-age kids is a VERY UNFUN UNPAID second job, particularly at Christmas), plus Omicron anxiety. Plus my 2-year-old is waking hourly and has been ill for weeks, and we’ve all had a sickness bug. When I am overwhelmed it manifests itself by losing my possessions willy-nilly as if I’m a careless person. Which I am not. But I am totally out of bandwidth.
Anyway! Shipping! I think I have most things sorted but toddler son needs a couple more bits which have yet to arrive. If I have to further fill up the Bezos coffers to fill in any gaps, I won’t be thrilled but I will try to be kind to myself and remind myself that’s pretty much why Amazon exists.
I sent something to a friend in the US on Nov 16, and as far as I know, it hasn’t arrived. She’s not expecting it – it’s a total surprise – but I have no idea WHEN it will get there. The lady at Canada Post literally said “who can say” which is really unnerving. Who CAN say if not the post office? Oh well, it will happen when it happens.
I have two shipping worries. First, I ordered a present from Ireland to my mom, who lives on the West Coast. I did it in November, but it doesn’t seem to be making very speedy progress and I am rethinking the wisdom of this decision. Second is Christmas cards. The box of cards look a long time to get to us (weeks), so we addressed them at warp speed and got almost all of them into the mail the same day they came, but that was yesterday. I hope they arrive by Christmas, but I suppose by New Year’s would be okay.
Things were going swimmingly well, shopping well in hand, things ordered well in advance… then we found out that our adult child is, in fact, not coming for Christmas. It’s FINE! and a good decision on their part. But now I am scrambling to get gifts wrapped, the box shipped, and the two things that have not yet arrived (but will certainly be here by Christmas) now will have to be shipped…whenever they arrive.
Swistle, that is straight up the best description of anxiety that I’ve ever seen! So well written, thank you for sharing!!
I was coming to say the same thing!!!! I’d buy that “excellent brain” quote on a magnet (to go with my “drop in the bucket” magnet that I love so much!) :)
I’ve had this same feeling! That Christmas is barreling down and nothing will be ready and AAAAAA but actually all the family gifts are purchased and I mailed everything else UPS and it will all be there this week. I haven’t written Christmas cards, but that’s next, and it’s fine. I do have one gift I’m hand making and I’m not sure it will be finished in time, but I bought a very nice plan B just in case. So… whence this feeling that I’m totally behind???
My sister and her family moved to New Zealand in August. I found out the hard way that the USPS does not deliver packages there. Kids Halloween costumes and my sister’s birthday packages were both returned. I sent a postcard that did arrive though it took a month. Our Christmas card will arrive way late since I just received the cards a few days ago. On the flip side, I found a local (NZ) bakery to deliver my sister a birthday cake and another company to order their Christmas presents. I try to remind myself to not worry if my niece and nephew’s presents don’t arrive by Christmas (or at all!)–easier said than done.
As far as my family goes, if my kids’ presents haven’t arrived in time, we just keep them tucked away until their birthday comes around. I’m stressed out because I’m not sure what to get my parents or in-laws and the clock is ticking. They don’t really need anything and they aren’t interested in going to concerts or other crowded places anymore.
Free-floating anxiety is no joke. Ugh.
Also, however, I think anything that strongly reminds us of early indicators of Something Going Horribly Wrong But We Don’t Quite Know/Understand Yet will probably just generally make us worried until we have enough data to override it, because *last time* [thing X] happened, then [very bad thing Y] happened.
That said, I experienced some satisfaction/recovery this year because I sent the two friends advent boxes through USPS, like I did last year, and they both got there ON TIME (I did send them one day earlier than I did last year, but still: they got there a whoooole lot faster). So this gives me perhaps-unwarranted hope that now that DeJoy is aware that he might get canned if he mucks things up very badly again, *maybe* at least that aspect of USPS slowdowns might be mitigated? Which would still leave all the people-out-sick, higher-volume-of-mail, somewhat [but less than last year?] reduced commercial flights reasons for slowdowns, but… maybe removing active malice from the equation will make things good-enough? Also I have no more “it’s really gotta be there” packages, hooray! But mostly: maybe some things will get a bit better, and a bit better. Maybe. Sometimes. May it happen for you.
I bought my kids’ main gifts in EARLY SEPTEMBER and they still haven’t arrived! A couple of days after I ordered them I got an email saying they were temporarily out of stock and asking if I wanted a refund or to wait up to a couple of weeks for them to be shipped. I breezily said “oh, I’m in no hurry. As long as they arrive by Christmas it’ll be fine!”
Since then I’ve been checking in and no, not yet. Then they stopped answering my emails, then their FB person responded and found the stock and supposedly arranged shipping November 29th and now it’s two weeks later and they’re still not here and I’m staring down the barrel of Christmas and have no shipping tracking information and the FB person has stopped answering me when I checked in again late last week asking for a tracking number.
Freaking out is not being well held in check at this point.
I always thought the older I got, the less I would worry. I’m lucky in that I’ve never been super anxious, but I do always consider the worst case scenario, a remnant of a mom who was an alcoholic. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. What I’ve noticed as the years go by? I’m becoming more of a worry wart!
Shipping-Amazon is doing a stellar job shipping to Alaska, which I know is usually a struggle. I’ve been amazed by their service. I ordered something from Disney online on Nov 23-I just got it today. I thought it was lost and called them yesterday. Of course they were Christmas items so that is why I called. So my anxiety isn’t that someone wouldn’t get something, but that my order went missing. Which is much easier to deal with!
Since I live in Alaska, there is always the fear of disruption of shipping service. When Covid first hit-a trip to the grocery store spiked all my anxiety of not having enough food. Kudos to all the grocery workers who got things back on the shelf, were sympathetic when things were out of stock.
I wish I could use the “I don’t have time to think about it”-because I have a crap load of time to think about things, and that doesn’t help me at all!