I had Mask Stress Dreams last night, but they were lighter/cheerier than usual. In one, a clerk reprimanded me for not wearing a mask, and first I panicked and scrambled—but then I noticed something and said, “Wait, YOU’RE not wearing a mask!!,” and he said, with absolutely undaunted snoot, “Perhaps I would have remembered if I’d seen customers wearing them!!” In another dream, Paul and I were talking about a risk we’d taken in accidentally seeing friends (in the dream), and he said “When this is over, we should have them sleep over!” and I said happily “YES! Why should they EVER GO HOME!”
I have seen people mentioning that in some ways the lockdown has become HARDER with the end in sight. A lot of us had finally settled into a sort of Indefinite Stasis, no longer saying “ANOTHER week??”/”Another MONTH??”/”THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR??” as we did at the beginning, but just sort of long-hauling it as The New Normal without thinking about it much. (And I don’t know about you, but until relatively recently I was more than half preparing for another four years of the former administration, so my hopes for the end were very far away.)
But now the hope is near enough to count in months! Near enough to write things several pages away on the calendar! Near enough to think of Actual Plans! Near enough to say things like “Well, but by then I’ll probably be back to work—so better make it afternoon.” Near enough to think with amazement about HALLOWEEN and THANKSGIVING and CHRISTMAS. And that shift makes me IMPATIENT in a way I haven’t been for awhile. While also making me MORE patient in other ways: We’re so close to safety now, it feels even more foolish to take unnecessary risks—like trying to merge into traffic between two tightly-spaced cars, when behind the second car is a long stretch of empty lane. This is one reason I was astonished to see photos on Facebook of yet another in-person maskless wedding. MY DEARS. In JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS it will be possible to do that WITHOUT the strong possibility of having your Joyous Occasion forever associated with a friend or family member’s illness/death! (Also, I cannot believe people are resisting the lure of Fancy Formalwear masks, and the kind of pandemic-affected wedding pictures people will actually want to look at later, and/or use in stories/series/books about the pandemic. But no: everything just boring as well as reckless.)
I’ve seen people mention that it’s just getting harder. I tend to disagree because I am still high from a competent administration and a vaccine rollout that is going fairly smoothly. And I can’t explain how light I feel without the unending sense of dread I had for 5 years. But it is crazy to think about a year ago. How I bought 6 medical grade masks on Amazon for $30 thinking I’d probably never use them. Or how I legit thought food might run out. Or how I thought my trip to Iceland in July would happen.
I am starting to get anxious about re-entry though. Eating at a restaurant? When will I feel ok with no masks? (And will I be self conscious still wearing one if others don’t?). Going back into the office? Traveling for work again?
I really want to attend college football games this fall with a full house. I’m very hopeful that’s possible.
I just want to say that I am genuinely sorry your trip to Iceland got cancelled. We went in July 2019 (with our two teens), and it was the trip of our dreams. I hope you make it there someday!
Thanks! We will definitely go as it had long been on my friend and my travel list. The bummer about last year is it just fell into place in January. We randomly found tickets (direct from MSP) for $400! In July. It just seemed perfect. And this year won’t work because I don’t think travel will be open by July (but international travel might be open by fall) and we really want to go in summer.
It happened the same way for us! I saw tickets for $600 (from Los Angeles) in January for July and I bought them without any real plan. Fingers crossed for you to make it there someday soon!
I still frequent cruise message boards even though cruises will probably not be happening until next year, but the stylish mask game is very strong there-masks to match your bathing suit! Masks for “formal nights” to go with a ball gown/suit and tie! I think cruising is one area where we will see people continuing to wear masks long after vaccination.
It feels so good to get to write things in on the calendar again! For us, a college graduation that will be in person (with limited tickets), a family beach vacation/memorial for dad lost to covid, a big round number birthday and a big round number wedding anniversary that can be really celebrated. I’m enjoying this feeling of hope on the horizon!
I keep getting so mad at people taking vacations and being reckless. We are SO CLOSE. JUST WAIT.
Those are the same people who have been acting like there isn’t a pandemic for the last 10 months. They were “done” after a few weeks. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those.
Yes this! So many people our family knows (I work in a school & we have 3 kids) are taking kids to travel on spring break. You’ve made it this long without Spring Break – WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO GO TO FLORIDA NOW?!? I mean, have you not learned anything?
Completely agree! My hobby is traveling, as I have no other real hobbies. This past year has been awful. My kids are whining bc they see all their friends going on Spring Break (to FL!) and I just…can’t. We are SO CLOSE. My husband is fully vaccinated, I’ve had my first shot. We have avoided Covid so far. I just can’t mentally accept the risk when we are SO CLOSE!
I feel so hopeful because my parents are getting the vaccine soon which means we can go back to seeing them normally, and that is the biggest thing I am missing. However, I am anxious because I am newly pregnant and don’t know what that means for me getting the vaccine. Will everybody get it and the whole world will open up but I won’t have it? Will I feel unsafe and drawn to quarantine myself still, or will the world feel safer because most people have it? Will there be rules about people who haven’t been vaccinated and I will have to miss out on things?
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’ve had some of the same questions because we are trying for a baby (I had a pandemic pregnancy and a pandemic pregnancy loss), and I just became eligible for the vaccine. Ask your doctor for advice. My doc gave me information about the benefits and the risks of getting the COVID vaccine while pregnant, and it seems like the advice varies by doctor and by the patient’s risk factors. It’s a really hard call because there is imperfect information. Take good care, and congratulations again.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply :) I will certainly do that.
It’s very exciting. We are looking forward to seeing more of (and traveling with!) our adult daughter, although I think we will be wearing masks until it seems more sure that the vaccines are actually working!
(She is VERY careful.)
My husband and I have had one shot (we are 66), and eagerly looking forward to celebrating INSIDE A RESTAURANT two weeks after our second dose. I think that’s what we miss the most on a daily basis. I’m also secretly planning a trip for fall to celebrate our 40th anniversary.
My most recent mask dream was one in which I was in a mall, crowded with people. I was marveling at how all the doors to every store were wide open! as opposed to just a little slit where people could come and go because of the virus (dreams are weird). After I’d been shopping for quite a while, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t wearing a mask, and neither was anyone else, and I was panicking because I had been exposed for a long time.
Yes, I am very much feeling the antsy, are-we-almost-there-yet feelings. I have had my first shot and am scheduled for the 2nd one the end of the month. My most expansive fantasy is of going inside (!) a grocery store and choosing my own produce. Am I a wild woman or what?
We have vacation plans in limbo right now. We rented a beach house big enough for our family of four, plus six more people in July, but we’re not going to invite them unless all the adults are vaccinated. So far the three seniors are either fully or partially vaccinated and we have four more people in their 50s to go. We really, really want to see the grandmothers, whom we haven’t seen since 2019.
I got my first Moderna shot yesterday!!! But I agree, it’s actually making me feel MORE antsy about getting out, because I know that six weeks from now, I’ll be fully in the clear. Every day I check the vaccine numbers in our county — it’s so satisfying to see them go up and up!! Finally a number that’s getting bigger in a good way.
I got the J&J vaccine on Saturday, and told my sister about my plans to go to NYC next month when it reaches full potency and she said, “To see your son…oh! And our parents?” And I said, “Actually, to see our parents, and Oh! my son.” Because I saw him in August (and we text and whatnot every day) and I haven’t seen them since a year ago January. And this week marks a full year since my stepdad had a stroke (from which he’s recovered fully) and I COULDN’T GO to be with him. And my grandma died in November (nearly age 102, not from COVID), and I couldn’t go to her funeral (I attended via Zoom). And…And…And
And I get to see my (vaccinated) parents next month. I’m just so excited. And grateful.
Any reaction to the J&J vaccine? I’m excited to get whatever is available, but one shot and done sounds awesome.
Mild fever and chills, elevated heart rate, all gone by Monday afternoon (got the vaccine Saturday).
The thought of being inside someone’s house, or on an airplane simultaneously fills me with such joy and such anxiety. I’m eager for hugs but SO nervous as well.
But when will we know when we are ‘there”?
At some point our feeling of safety and the legitimate risk will not align.
We need some sort of national alert system to tell us when to take our masks off.
I am periodically amazed by how much my mind has adjusted to the reality of masks and social distancing. Like I’ll remember an event from the past and think, “wait, how did we manage that, with the need for masks and social distancing? …oh.” It’s similar to how once you have kids, it’s hard to remember what life was like before they existed. “How did we go on that trip, and eat in those restaurants, and not plan ahead for every contingency? Oh right, there were no kids. And also no pandemic.”
The end IS in sight – but I am not ready for re-entry. Like, AT ALL. I miss eating in restaurants and seeing certain people. I would love to take a trip to the beach (and am irritated at all the people who went and did during all of this like there wasn’t a pandemic).
BUT, at the same time I don’t want to go to an office and be surrounded by people. I don’t want to go to a restaurant, store, etc. with all those people…people who may or may not be vaccinated.
I feel very much the same. We are having a small outdoor birthday party for my son in a few weeks, and coordinating everyone’s vaccine status adds a layer for sure! It’s just family, so I feel comfortable asking/disclosing on their behalf, but still. Nerve wracking.
I have gotten the first shot, and after a full year of being SO careful, I find myself rationalizing taking more and more (pretty slight) risks. I know better! I know I am not immune yet, and I know that I will be wearing a mask for who knows how long, and I know there are variants going around, but I still find myself letting my guard down. Also my city/state has rescinded all mask mandates, so now is NOT the time to slip up and get this dang thing after successfully avoiding it for a full year. Perseverance! I need some!
My 18yo daughter is SO angry at people taking risks when we’re so close (relatively speaking) to clear. I like your assessment of “boring as well as risky”. I find it – not shocking, not hard to believe, what? Just really frustrating that some places have lifted mask mandates. Just — fucking why? Even if you opened everything up but still had everyone wear masks it would be better. I find I am wildly up and down right now with everything – one day wearing a mask is completely normalized and routine, the next day I feel panicky and hate it, one day I think I can definitely ride out of the rest of this, the next day I feel like I’m just DONE. Not terribly original, but deeply unpleasant.
We just finished our first week back in school and yesterday one of my sweet sixth graders asked “do you think we’ll be able to have a normal year next year” and I was able to say “I don’t know but I think it will be a lot more normal than now” !!!
I like the grocery updates, though.